Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi - next month I'm going to be on a panel for a discussion entitled "How can we best support LGBT young people in rural areas?" and as the only trans person on the panel, I want to represent as broad a range of views as possible - so if you're a "young trans person" (they're mostly talking about the 16-25 age group) and up for doing this, please could you say in this thread what are the 3 things you find most difficult about being trans (whether you're out or not, transitioning or not, binary or not, I'm interested) living somewhere rural, why they're difficult, and what you think would be of most help to you in dealing with those things?

Thanks in advance for any responses - this is happening on September 17th, so you have time to mull it over :).

I don't know what country you're from but I'm from a rural part of the UK called north Wales. It's basically just miles of mountains and pockets of villages and the odd few small towns.

Biggest concerns for me is lack of facilities and clinics. I know many of us can only get referred to one all the way in London, which is hours on the train.

Rural populations tend to be less informed about these things, and also less accepting.

Whether this is me being ignorant or what I am not sure but another worry I have is that rural medical professionals may not be as understanding about transgender issues as they don't encounter them much like they do in urban areas.

for me, living in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma, there's simply nothing around.....there is a trans support group that meets a long way away....about a two hour drive, but I can't afford to go that far with gas as pricey as it is.....which brings me to my second point.....employment....which again is difficult....the more liberal people tend to exist in cities more frequently....out here in the buckle of the bible belt it's mostly conservative christians....and so I am discriminated against a LOT.  Jobs are already hard to come by and being trans just makes getting one harder.....it's not that people are truly hateful, but it's obvious they don't really approve....some places with help wanted ads or signs won't even take my application.....

The third thing, I think is being just plain lonely....I've only been here two years, and I don't really get much exposure to the outside world....I just get lonely....and I can get by without a support group (though it would be cool to check out) but I wish I had someone close to my age I could just be friends with...someone me and my partner could have a few drinks with or have over for dinner

Quote from: Oriah on August 19, 2013, 10:26:54 AM
for me, living in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma, there's simply nothing around.....there is a trans support group that meets a long way away....about a two hour drive, but I can't afford to go that far with gas as pricey as it is.....which brings me to my second point.....employment....which again is difficult....the more liberal people tend to exist in cities more frequently....out here in the buckle of the bible belt it's mostly conservative christians....and so I am discriminated against a LOT.  Jobs are already hard to come by and being trans just makes getting one harder.....it's not that people are truly hateful, but it's obvious they don't really approve....some places with help wanted ads or signs won't even take my application.....

The third thing, I think is being just plain lonely....I've only been here two years, and I don't really get much exposure to the outside world....I just get lonely....and I can get by without a support group (though it would be cool to check out) but I wish I had someone close to my age I could just be friends with...someone me and my partner could have a few drinks with or have over for dinner

You're so right about more liberal people in cities. Which is logical. More people means more exposure to different people. Which means taking on a more liberal attitude. I really want to move from this place in the middle of nowhere lol

Thanks for the replies, both of you - I'm based in Devon, England, but I'm interested in anyone's experience of this situation. And I personally think in this context "rural" really means "in any isolated community, even if it's in a city".

Our panel discussion is going to be broadcast on local radio, but I hope it will educate some people, and make others feel less alone, and I also hope it'll result in some real action, at least locally.

I know what you mean about small towns and GPs etc., when I started transitioning in a small town in Devon, I pretty much had to educate the staff at the local surgery as I went along - including pointing them to the information that was already right there on their own online advice system for running a surgery! I only ever encountered one GP who was unsupportive, and I think that was mainly through ignorance, so I sent her a copy of the NHS guidelines for caring for trans patients.

I'm surprised you got referred to London, Dream2014 - I would have though the Sheffield gender clinic was way closer.

I'm not within your age range, unfortunately.

I am however a trans woman in rural Kansas (it's the state in the dead center of the United States).

The 3 things I find most difficult about being trans while living somewhere rural, and why they are difficult in my experience are:

1) People out where I live (Rural Easter Kansas) are Ignorant. People here have almost zero knowledge of trans people, or the issues we face. Not only that, but they want to be ignorant on many issues (not just trans issues). This place resists change of any kind. If you try to engage them in dialog on a topic they do not wish to know something about, you are treated as being, frankly, insane for ever even bringing the subject up.

The one time I ever heard anyone in town discussing something about trans people was because someone 'saw a ->-bleeped-<-' at Wal-Mart 70 miles from here. They were shocked that anyone would do that, stated if anyone like shouldn't be allowed in town, and were 'furious that their tax dollars go toward such disgusting deviation'.

While I'm thinking about it, anyone able to tell me where this government assistance in the U.S. is for trans people that they were talking about?

2) Lack of law enforcement. As I said, the nearest police station is 20 miles away. It's a big deal if a police car even drives through town at all. So, assuming the authorities would actually assist a trans person who is, say, being attacked by someone or a group of people due to transphobia, help is a long way off. Dispatchers often argue over if my city is in one of two counties and often re-route calls to the opposing county who will then send you back to the other ... Getting the authorities to respond to a traffic accident alone is a serious pain, but this would also be a further delay in assistance. The only way to insure your safety as anyone in the LGBT spectrum is to live a closeted life as long as you are here.

3) Lack of resources. I have to drive a good 60 miles to reach my therapist, or the nearest LGBT center or PFLAG organization of any kind, making the net my only real source of information outside of my therapist at the moment. To my knowledge, I would have to drive two hours away to find a doctor capable in assisting with HRT (which I won't start until I move away from this god awful place). There's literally just no resources here for L,G,B or T people.

What would help? Honestly ... I don't know that anything would help, short of moving away from here. Thankfully now that my wife knows, we are slowly trying to find a way to do so.

Outside of that? I don't really know. These people have no knowledge on the subject (and many others), don't want to know anything about it, and are proud they don't know anything about it. It is going to take several generations for this place to change ... if at all.

Quote from: Padma on August 19, 2013, 12:09:51 PM
Thanks for the replies, both of you - I'm based in Devon, England, but I'm interested in anyone's experience of this situation. And I personally think in this context "rural" really means "in any isolated community, even if it's in a city".

Our panel discussion is going to be broadcast on local radio, but I hope it will educate some people, and make others feel less alone, and I also hope it'll result in some real action, at least locally.

I know what you mean about small towns and GPs etc., when I started transitioning in a small town in Devon, I pretty much had to educate the staff at the local surgery as I went along - including pointing them to the information that was already right there on their own online advice system for running a surgery! I only ever encountered one GP who was unsupportive, and I think that was mainly through ignorance, so I sent her a copy of the NHS guidelines for caring for trans patients.

I'm surprised you got referred to London, Dream2014 - I would have though the Sheffield gender clinic was way closer.

Oh I haven't even started therapy yet, I'm just referencing other UK residents experience. I know somebody on here from Wales and the clinic they would be referred to is in London.

Quote from: Dreams2014 on August 19, 2013, 12:43:00 PM
Oh I haven't even started therapy yet, I'm just referencing other UK residents experience. I know somebody on here from Wales and the clinic they would be referred to is in London.

I think since April, when the PCTs got disbanded, the situation is very different, in that you can request to be referred to a specific clinic. There are currently 7 places in England to go - Exeter, Leeds, London, Northampton, Nottingham, Sheffield, and Newcastle.

I was very isolated in Blackpool in 1989 when I finally realised I would have to get treatment for my gender identity disorder.It took 2 months to see a psychiatrist at the local hospital who threatened to section me.I told my doctor I wanted a second opinion from someone else,it took from October 1989 til May 1991 before I was seen at Charing Cross hospital(Leeds were too busy and I was told the wait was even  longer)In January 1990 I started self medicating with HRT bought from a local TS,electrolysis and growing my hair out so I had a good start when I went full time in September 1991.There was no local help groups or national ones in the area,despite having a thriving gay scene  the T part of LGBT was very small 34 years ago.Things are a lot better now though there's still some way to go

What do you class as rural? I'm in the age group and would love to participate, but I don't think my area is rural

I'm not working to strict rules here - but I'm thinking of rural as meaning broadly speaking "in a small isolated community, which may include being isolated in a city (in an ethnic or religious community, just as an example)."

But I'm interested to hear anyone's experience of how this is for them, as it broadens my sense of the issues for young people.

It was a long time ago but I grew up in a very small town in southern Ontario in the 1950s and 60s and the biggest problem was the TOTAL lack of support, both from physicians and from mental health professionals. Not only do the patients need support but so do their doctors and counsellors! I don't know what it is like today but there should be resources available to the professionals. I don't expect them to learn all this during their formal education but the information and guidance should be available to them through their professional organizations.

(P.S. My maternal grandmother was born and raised in Okehampton!)

Thanks so much for all the responses, I'm building up a very good picture, here and elsewhere that I've asked about this.

The issues are a little different in the UK, because the distances involved are a lot less on the whole, but 10 miles vs 1000 miles makes no difference if you have no transport.

The main things I'm hearing are:

1: dependence on parents/guardians for transportation, finances

2: difficulty of contacting/meeting any other LGBT individuals due to isolation

3: extreme deprivation of privacy due to close and confined living conditions

4: lack of local access to facilities , clinics, info

5: increased likelihood of prejudice in more traditional communities

6: increased likelihood of GPs, therapists not having experience with LGBT people (and of them being prejudiced)

7: the tension between coming out and staying closeted is much stronger in any isolated community, since they're the only people you've got, and so potentially alienating them has much greater implications

Well, I'm neither young nor rural - I live in Bristol - but I think there's a major problem in terms of service provisioning in many parts of the UK. If you don't live near one of the 7 GICs you face difficult, inconvenient, expensive travel to get to someone who can treat you. I have to head down the M5 to your neck of the woods, or head along the M4 to London, if I want to see anyone who knows anything about trans* issues. Each journey takes at least 1.5 to 2 hours by car and it costs a small fortune via public transport. It's manageable for me as an employed adult with my own car... but how is an 18-year-old student who can't afford a car supposed to get there? What if their parents can't or won't take them there?

I was fortunate that my GP has an MtF patient so she at least had a clue what to do, but she still needed plenty of education. She had no idea what to do about routine exams I need such as smears and mammograms - I'm due for my annual mammogram next month and haven't received a letter yet so I'd imagine I've simply been dropped from their list.

That's the problem, I think. There's a complete lack of joined-up thinking in the NHS. Each separate department or speciality has its own mini-fiefdom that is jealously guarded by those in charge, so nobody talks to anyone else. So we, as the patients, have to take charge and direct our own treatment if we want to get anything done. There is also a tick-box culture that says that as long as a service is being provided, it doesn't matter how good or how accessible it is. As long as it exists somewhere, that's all that matters.

Bristol has no specialist services for trans people at all. There are a couple of user-led support groups, but they're exclusively MtF (although Qwest has recently started up a local meeting). Despite the extortionate amounts we pay to the local councils, there is no organisation or planning at local or regional level. I called my council to see what services they provide for trans* people: the answer was 'none'. If you want support, it's up to you to figure out how to provide it for yourself.  ::)

Yes, there are problems with transitioning in rural areas where everyone knows who you are... but there are also problems with transitioning in inner-city areas that have high concentrations of recent immigrants (and their children) from communities where being LGBT isn't tolerated. Imagine transitioning in a class full of students whose parents raised them to believe that LGBT people deserve to be killed...

Most of the time I live in the city and not in a rural area. but as I see it it about the kind of pattern of people mix together and the understanding of diffrence.

ex' I went to school around where my dad live, he live in the middle of nowhere far from everything, but since the school where pretty muliti cultural I didn't felt very diffrent + we where social always hanging around so we got to talk to people we normaly woudlnt talk to and I belive it made another kind of asmosphear.

right now I'm in a school who is rather close to the centrum but I feel alot more isolated and diffrent. I think in a way it because the people in my class socilise with those they feel simular to, girls talk to girls boys talk to boys, the imigrents speak with the imigrents and the street guys with the street guys, it easly become a us-them felling and people dont get to get this "view" on the other groups which I belive is important for understanding and acceptence.

I havent had problems in Rural areas where I felt belonging in the school/area group, but if I went to the city in a school where everyone came from 1 part of the town and I from another then I felt very diffrent, so for me its a matter of having the chance to get to know diffrent kind of people and when you then got that being open to include and talk to them.
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I also feel theres a problem with information, all the LGBTthings always happents in the city, and deep down the small towns may be what need it the most.

i live in Maryland, and even here, where I'm right in-between two major cities, there are plenty of problems. though how many of them are in my head is another story.

two of the ones that I'm working around though...

1) support groups. many of them are not really trans support groups, at least not any of the ones i can easily get to. and most of them are at times i can't show up to any ways with my job. it would be nice to find something that isn't on a Tuesday or a Friday when i work. or at least one that's actually trans.

2) the other problem is qualified professionals to help me. many of them might care, but they aren't trained for this sort of thing, and don't really have any sort of prior experience either. it seems that help with gender identity confusion isn't a big enough concern in general to make the help more afffordable or available for many.

oh, and 3) it would be nice if there were more gender neutral bathrooms around, i might not be welcome in the ladies bathroom yet, and i don't want to make any one uncomfortable, but I am not comfortable in the men's bathrooms some times any more.

FTMDiaries, I agree that provision is very localised in the UK at the moment - this is one of the things Dr Dean and his new steering committee want to address, he told me.

At least once young people get a referral, if they're on low income or benefits they can claim their travel expenses to attend gender clinics (and all other accompanying visits necessary). Of course, it's much more difficult for the under-18s, though there is some provision - and the current setup is very poorly managed for the handover from one system to another when someone trans* turns 18 here.

The panel discussion I've been invited to join in on has this specific remit that is "How can we best support LGBT young people in rural areas" but I'm going to broaden out that discussion if I can do so gracefully, because as I said (and as you people are pointing out), isolation needn't be just geographical. We only have an hour, and I'm only one of several panellists, but I hope to get the message across about both the incredible diversity within the gender forest (including intersex folk, who rarely get a mention in these situations), and the very specific difficulties young trans* people face, wherever they are. And I hope I'm going to be able to start a more in-depth dialogue in the process.

Support groups is quite an issue - the ones around here, for example, are mostly populated by older trans men and women, some of whom have very rigid views about things, and are dismissive of younger people and of non-gender-stereotypical identities and presentation. This is part of the reason why I started the non-binary support group down here, so that younger people have a safer environment in which to discuss this stuff. The Support groups for younger adults tend to be LGBT, and this usually means G, some L, a bit of B, and a pinch of T if you're lucky.

So more dedicated support networks and groups for young trans people is very high on my list of proposed solutions, as well as help getting them to meetings - I've proposed a funded Travel Buddying system, where suitably vetted people can drive younger folk to and from meetings, without anyone where they live necessarily having to know where they're going.

This gets more complex where minors are concerned, as permission from parents/guardians would be necessary, but anything that makes it easier for the young folks and puts the initiative more in their hands is worth pursuing. If a parent says "I'm not willing to keep taking you there" and they're able to reply "That's okay, with your consent I can get a free lift", I'll be very happy.

Quote from: Padma on August 21, 2013, 09:52:44 AM
Support groups is quite an issue - the ones around here, for example, are mostly populated by older trans men and women, some of whom have very rigid views about things, and are dismissive of younger people and of non-gender-stereotypical identities and presentation. This is part of the reason why I started the non-binary support group down here, so that younger people have a safer environment in which to discuss this stuff. The Support groups for younger adults tend to be LGBT, and this usually means G, some L, a bit of B, and a pinch of T if you're lucky.

Agreed. The ever-silent 'T' is a problem, particularly if its a diverse group including (for example) anti-trans radfems.

Another problem that is difficult to solve is what to do about putting MtFs and FtMs in the same room. It can work (Susan's is a very good example of us getting along pretty well) but IRL I have in many cases detected an undertone of - it's hard to describe - distrust? distaste? directed towards me by some MtFs simply because I'm FtM, even in wonderfully laid-back environments such as Dr Dean's place.

Quote from: Padma on August 21, 2013, 09:52:44 AM
So more dedicated support networks and groups for young trans people is very high on my list of proposed solutions, as well as help getting them to meetings - I've proposed a funded Travel Buddying system, where suitably vetted people can drive younger folk to and from meetings, without anyone where they live necessarily having to know where they're going.

An excellent suggestion, and I'd be willing to volunteer as a driver if it takes off. Dr Dean knows me; feel free to PM me if you ever want to take me up on this. This could also be useful for not-so-young patients who struggle with public transport for various reasons.

Quote from: Padma on August 21, 2013, 09:52:44 AM
This gets more complex where minors are concerned, as permission from parents/guardians would be necessary, but anything that makes it easier for the young folks and puts the initiative more in their hands is worth pursuing. If a parent says "I'm not willing to keep taking you there" and they're able to reply "That's okay, with your consent I can get a free lift", I'll be very happy.

Are minors not still limited to the Tavistock?

I'm not talking about stuff to do with The Laurels here, just more general local issues.

So the Travel Buddying is something the Proud2Be folk in Totnes are going to try out, and the idea (whether for young adults or for minors) is to get them to support groups they want to be at, wherever they are that's within reasonable driving distance - Exeter, Totnes, Plymouth, etc. For example, there's an existing LGBT youth group in Exeter (where I'm hoping to volunteer) that's for 16-25 year-olds, so the under-18s would need parent/guardian permission, probably (and the drivers will need an enhanced DBS check).

Quote from: FTMDiaries on August 21, 2013, 05:50:08 AM
Yes, there are problems with transitioning in rural areas where everyone knows who you are... but there are also problems with transitioning in inner-city areas that have high concentrations of recent immigrants (and their children) from communities where being LGBT isn't tolerated. Imagine transitioning in a class full of students whose parents raised them to believe that LGBT people deserve to be killed...

This. This is the biggest thing for me. I don't live in a rural area, I live in city where my school has about a 15-20% of white British students. I felt completely isolated there because of the prejudices of the other students. It was hell. My parents asked me why I didn't protest to wear a suit to my prom. The answer was simple: I didn't want to get killed. Even if you appeared to be gay, that's it, you'd be bullied. I once stood up for gay people and was told that if I didn't shut up I would get pushed down the stairs and the boy would pee in my mouth because 'only Allah can judge'. I never transitioned at school. I didn't even cut my hair shorter until I'd very almost left the sixth form. Teachers knew, but there was no way the kids would find out. That was the hardest part for me. Having to put it off because I was so afraid of the reaction at school. I already got followed home and almost spat on, just for being white.

What would help? More education in schools and the general community. My school was massively uneducated on LGBT issues. We've challenged homophobia which had a positive impact, but transphobia is yet to be covered. I don't see anything for trans people anywhere. They say LGBT, when really it's just focusing on LGB issues, forgetting the T completely. The LGBT equality teacher person at my school still thinks being trans means you're really just gay and can't cope with it and calls FTMs 'she' and MTFs 'he'. I think the most important thing to do for young people is more training, education and awareness in schools. Not only for the students but for the staff too. It will help young trans people to feel less isolated.

Quote from: Joey. on August 21, 2013, 04:45:47 PM
This. This is the biggest thing for me. I don't live in a rural area, I live in city where my school has about a 15-20% of white British students. I felt completely isolated there because of the prejudices of the other students. It was hell. My parents asked me why I didn't protest to wear a suit to my prom. The answer was simple: I didn't want to get killed. Even if you appeared to be gay, that's it, you'd be bullied. I once stood up for gay people and was told that if I didn't shut up I would get pushed down the stairs and the boy would pee in my mouth because 'only Allah can judge'. I never transitioned at school. I didn't even cut my hair shorter until I'd very almost left the sixth form. Teachers knew, but there was no way the kids would find out. That was the hardest part for me. Having to put it off because I was so afraid of the reaction at school. I already got followed home and almost spat on, just for being white.

What would help? More education in schools and the general community. My school was massively uneducated on LGBT issues. We've challenged homophobia which had a positive impact, but transphobia is yet to be covered. I don't see anything for trans people anywhere. They say LGBT, when really it's just focusing on LGB issues, forgetting the T completely. The LGBT equality teacher person at my school still thinks being trans means you're really just gay and can't cope with it and calls FTMs 'she' and MTFs 'he'. I think the most important thing to do for young people is more training, education and awareness in schools. Not only for the students but for the staff too. It will help young trans people to feel less isolated.

Oh I know what you mean with the whole LGB so much! I keep saying to myself that the T needs to be scrapped because whenever they say LGBT they really mean LGB, which can all be covered under the term homosexual tbh. T's do not fit under that umbrella. We still have mountains to climb in comparison to them!

I think the reason why we're under the same umbrella is because we all have the same people spitting on us :(. And I also get really sick of people trotting out LGBT on autopilot when it's just an unconscious shorthand for sexuality issues - it just over and over again gives us trans folk false hope that we're included in the equation when we very often aren't, and makes us mistrust the LGBT organisations that actually are taking trans issues into account.

But yes, education is key - most of the other people on this panel are actually involved on a national level with the whole area of educating schoolchildren (and teachers) about diversity and moving away from homophobia and transphobia within the education system. It's going to be a really interesting brainstorming session, I hope.

Quote from: Joey. on August 21, 2013, 04:45:47 PM
This. This is the biggest thing for me.

Thanks Joey. In all honesty, I was thinking of you when I wrote that paragraph.

*Manly hug*

Thank you.  :)

Quote from: Padma on August 21, 2013, 05:02:33 PM
But yes, education is key - most of the other people on this panel are actually involved on a national level with the whole area of educating schoolchildren (and teachers) about diversity and moving away from homophobia and transphobia within the education system. It's going to be a really interesting brainstorming session, I hope.

Possibly the most important take-home lesson that I for one would love these educators to have, would be to get it into their heads that many trans* people know from a very early age that we have problems with our gender. Enforced gender roles are incredibly harmful, and it is in all children's best interests to let them decide for themselves what they like and dislike, rather than discouraging them from anything that is considered inappropriate for their apparent gender. A lot of well-meaning adults with the best of intentions think they're doing the right thing by, say, stopping a boy from playing with dolls because they don't want him to be bullied. They're focussing on the wrong person: they should be correcting and educating the kids who do the bullying instead.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on August 21, 2013, 05:21:13 PM
Enforced gender roles are incredibly harmful, and it is in all children's best interests to let them decide for themselves what they like and dislike, rather than discouraging them from anything that is considered inappropriate for their apparent gender. A lot of well-meaning adults with the best of intentions think they're doing the right thing by, say, stopping a boy from playing with dolls because they don't want him to be bullied. They're focussing on the wrong person: they should be correcting and educating the kids who do the bullying instead.

This reminds me of when I was in primary school and we used to play 'Mummy and Daddy'. I was almost always the Daddy, because I didn't want to be the Mummy and the other kids were absolutely fine with that. It was my teacher who said 'you're a girl you should be the Mummy.' I remembered getting upset, saying I was the Daddy and the other kids backed me up. I was very young, and the other kids simply didn't care if a 'girl' was the Daddy. It was the teacher who had a problem with it. If they just let kids express themselves and didn't have a problem with it, the kids wouldn't grow up having a problem with it. Children learn from adults. If their favourite teacher who they respect in school sticks up for a transgender student, they probably will follow that because they already look up to that member of staff. Teachers have such a big influence on a child, it's important that they realise this and set a good example.

Agreed - this needs to start young, with the teachers counteracting any reinforcement of transphobia (and homophobia, racism, sexism etc.) that kids are getting from their parents at home. Unfortunately, many teachers still seem to be on a bit of a power trip when teaching children, and enjoy assuming they have no real feelings or sense of themselves yet and are readily dismissed as "seeking attention" if they display any erring from "the norm". I have a teen trans (and queer) friend whose coming-out was delayed by a couple of years by a teacher telling him "you're just doing all this to show off" - this is in fairly rural Illinois.

I'm on rural Suffolk at the moment, but I've never been anywhere else so it's hard to compare it to what it would have been had I lived elsewhere.

The main issue, like a lot of people said, was transport. If I wanted to see my GP while I'm here I would have to either use the very poor bus service (four busses a day with a choice of either returning within half an hour or four hours), walk along a very busy road where most people speed and there's not always even a grass verge to the town, or rely on my grandparents. Not everyone has grandparents, and mine hare bigoted and homophobic, so I doubt they're particularly trans friendly either. My other alternative would have been to bunk off college and get the train back to my own to see the GP when I should have been getting an education. Not the best of options.

Having a lack of facilities in the area. I don't know if after the recent changes they still insist on CAHMS giving you the all clear to be referred to a GIC, but that was one of the main reasons I haven't transitioned yet. My CAHMS doctor, who I was seeing for other reasons anyway, was a complete and utter sadist. He would talk this airy fairy nonsense, make assumptions that were completely illogical and wouldn't take being corrected, and I would leave feeling suicidal after going in relatively fine. My school nurse who attended a lot of the time actually rang me when I got home a couple of times to check if I was okay. The only time he was happy was when I was raging with anger at him, and started talking patronising bs about how if I was younger he'd put a teddy on a chair, call it Andy, and tell me to "shout at the Andy why I hated him." Maybe just ask? My parents, my GP, my school nurse and me all thought he was doing more harm than good, and he admitted he couldn't help, but as I'd been hospitalised after a suicide attempt a few month before they couldn't let me stop seeing everyone altogether. The shrink wouldn't let me see anyone else either because if he couldn't do it, then none of the more junior members at the centre could. Luckily, he wanted a 11 people meeting to discuss it, which we cancelled because we didn't agree and I slipped through the system and we never heard from him again. I've not dared go to a doctor since.

How did all that relate to being rural? If I had lived in a larger area, the chances are there would be more than that one centre who could deal with minors, and I wouldn't have to have suffered that toss pot. Maybe someone would have even reported him if he was exposed to more people (I didn't because I just wanted out at the time, but now I wished I had because of how awful he made me feel), my friend who was going there for EDNOS met him once at a weigh-in session, and she immediately knew who it was although she never heard his name. She disliked him, and she's much more tolerant of people like him than I am.

Everyone knows everyone is a big thing too. They'll all know my business, and the chances of me running into someone I knew if I did use the male bathroom would be high, and awkward.

I don't think education should count as a rural issue, because it's prevalent everywhere. I know trans people in a city in Scotland who were hounded out of a LBGT group for being trans, and they're not really marginalised there. They're both white in a white majority area etc. We had a speaker in to talk to us about sex ed (we were mostly 16+, a bit late for the majority in that hall...) and she grouped the T with the LGB and didn't explain one was sexuality and one was gender identity.  It was her job though, and she works in the cities too, so it's not a rural problem, or at least wasn't for me.

Agreed, education is a universal issue. I suppose I see it as a more long-term solution for rural areas: to ensure that kids in rural areas are well educated in diversity, so that if they grow up to be the adults in rural areas, they'll be way more supportive of each other's issues and the issues of the next generation to come along.

And yes, the lack of choice of healthcare practitioners in rural areas is a real problem, if the ones who are there are bigoted (or just bad at their jobs in general). I've mostly been lucky with GPs, though there was one I saw at the local surgery who was (probably through inexperience) very inappropriate in her language and use of pronouns etc. - she phoned up the pharmacy in front of me, and referred to me by "he's not a woman yet." I ended up sending her a copy of the NHS guidelines for treating trans patients, with an accompanying letter explaining about use of pronouns, but she never replied to it.

This week I requested unsuccessfully to have my psychiatric assessment next week done by a woman psychiatrist. After asking me why I wanted that (which I think was a very unprofessional question), the receptionist ended up saying "Erm, we don't have any female psychiatrists on the books." I've checked, and there is only one up-to-date listing of a female psychiatrist in Devon who doesn't just do child/adolescent psychiatry.

And so on. One other thing I'd like to get involved with is advocacy - for example, accompanying young trans people to meetings with healthcare practitioners so they're less likely to get bullied or not express what they need to express there.

i'm just a couple years too old for this, so... i think i'll try to give my own answers as well.

i'm not out, and have no idea how to come out. if i were transsexual, i wouldn't have that much of a problem, i'd be able to convince the people here just like the gay guy managed to convince people that he really just is born that way.

but i'll just be seen as a somewhat masculine woman. history and people's memories are full of those. and in the very small community that i belong to, they make sure to tell me that. "but his grandma was a lot like you, would rather cut firewood than knit, maybe he'd be a good match for you."

in small communities where everybody literally knows everybody, people also have a tendency to take responsibility for everyone else's children just the same as their own. especially when meddling in matters where questions of morality and the word of god come in, but also when it comes to proper conduct. rumors are way too common, gossip is almost a rule (we just care that much about each other...). and everybody hs an opinion on everybody else. this makes appearances rather important, and in the case where our first gay couple got married, there were no "god forbid"s, but instead people asked about who was going. "oh, if they go, then i can too. thank you for the invitation."

there still aren't any lesbians who are out here. maybe because women are too good at telling each other what is proper and whom they should marry. i know of no transsexual in an area with a big enough population that there should be at least one or two. i don't count myself, since i'm something else. kids in school also care too much about what their classmates think, and do their best to conform, as well as living up to their parents' expectations of conformity at least.

so, if i'm going to get very out and about as a non-binary, i'd first have to know the right persons to out myself to. i don't know who they are yet.


then of course there's the matter of professional aid. a two hour drive to the nearest traffic lights is extremely rural imo. i know there are therapists about that far away, or an hour more, but none have the first idea about how to treat some odd case like me. hrt is somewhat unimaginable to get anywhere close enough to get there and back in one day.
the therapists who come by this area once in a while are also few enough that they're likely to know at least half of my family, so getting help with any other mental issues is a challenge as well. i can't get a gp whom my mom doesn't know either. and everybody will know if i go to see a doctor, since there are no ways to lie about where i'm going (everybody really does know everybody here, i can't just say i went to see someone else, they'll find out even if i go to the slightly bigger city, because they have relatives living there too).

as if it wasn't enough that my parents think my life is their business....

and support groups. well, there are none. can't just go 500 miles only to attend a rare meeting in another city.

Quote from: Padma on August 19, 2013, 07:57:49 AM
Hi - next month I'm going to be on a panel for a discussion entitled "How can we best support LGBT young people in rural areas?" and as the only trans person on the panel, I want to represent as broad a range of views as possible - so if you're a "young trans person" (they're mostly talking about the 16-25 age group) and up for doing this, please could you say in this thread what are the 3 things you find most difficult about being trans (whether you're out or not, transitioning or not, binary or not, I'm interested) living somewhere rural, why they're difficult, and what you think would be of most help to you in dealing with those things?

Thanks in advance for any responses - this is happening on September 17th, so you have time to mull it over :).

I'm a trans girl living in Georgia. I guess I'll jump in to the three things...
1. The school I go to won't allow "boys" to even wear ear-rings, let alone feminine clothing.
2. My doctor is very religious and has a tendency to pep-talk me about it. I feel like he'd have a bias or straight-up anger against me if I brought it up.
3. None of my peers would support or understand, save the small LGBT group of friends I have, and being in the south, I'd likely be picked on all day, which is stress I just don't need.

I really think that if there was some kind of way that I could show people that I'm not a weirdo for feeling how I do. That I'm not alone. I have no idea how this could be done, but I hate having to wait until I'm independent to blossom as a girl. Hope this helps!

Yes it does, thanks. All these responses are very useful to me.

I'm adding onto my list of proposed things that could be done to help people in these situations:

Run gender/sexuality diversity sessions at rural doctors' surgeries - for the staff. The better these professionals are prepared to respond appropriately to LGBTQI young folks, the easier it will be for them to come out, and to get good treatment.

Sounds great!

The other day I got some bad monetary news and it depressed me and I was all like what's the point I'll never afford SRS and I should just stop HRT. Then I thought well I'll get paid next week and that will be enough to buy a bundle of X and I will X it and that will be the end of me. My mom will think it was an accident and that I turned back to the darkside. I've been really happy lately so no one would think I offed myself.

That scared the shiite out of me as I was very serious. I wouldn't want to live if I had to stop HRT and not pursue SRS. I don't mean stop for a little bit, I mean stop forever.

So, I won't ever think of even thinking of detransition. For me, there simply is no option other then becoming female. Actually, lately I view myself as female. And thru my expereinces I'm certainly getting a crash course in female world. But I really believe God is on my side and is carrying me and i believe God will show me the way and guide me to a place that will help me get surgery. God did find me a Boyfriend. I really believe that was fate. So does he.

So I have thought about it but I am 100 percent confident I made the right choice and couldn't be happier. Well I could be at the beach in a cute bikini and some boy shorts that will hide my dirty little secret. That would be great. Oooh, and if I was able to drive stick and had a cute little old school purple VW Beetle. That would make me happier. And if I got married...and had kids...okay that would be Heav.en.