Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I had asked my sister whether she would be willing to take care of me if I elected to have bottom surgery. She said sure. She's been supportive about my transition, though she's always quick to offer advice, even if she isn't really up on all the facts of a situation.

I left a message on her voicemail letting her know what time period I was thinking of trying to schedule it. (Though in point of fact, although I've started considering myself pre-op, I'm still not 100% sure I'll actually do it.)

She sent me the following message as part of an email:

QuoteI'm not sure why you are in such a hurry.  You said earlier that the physical is just not as important as the outward appearance.  It's like a tattoo.  One should think long and hard before such permanent changes.  One short year of presenting female isn't long enough for the "new" to wear off and the long term evaluating to have taken place.

I know you'll ignore this advice, just like you've ignored every other piece of advice I've given.  You seem to have already done your own evaluations based on your own criteria and have no room for external input.  I'm getting used to that and am trying to not give you any feedback, just support.  But on such a permanent and drastic move, I must speak up.

This is not the first person who is close to me who got upset because I didn't take their advice. I tried calling her over the weekend, but I can't get through. I'm pretty sure she's ducking me.

What gives?

I think you have it when you said she isn't up on all the details. Her opinions make sense from her point of view. She isn't likely to understand that it is something that you have had to deal with for a lifetime, while she has had to face it for such a 'short' time.

She probably needs the time to come to terms with it more than you do.

Quote from: LordKAT on August 26, 2013, 05:05:22 PM
She probably needs the time to come to terms with it more than you do.

Thanks. That's a good thing for me to keep in mind.

It doesn't seem like too much malice in that message, but more of geniune concern.  I would just assure her that you're positive that this is what you want since you know yourself better than she does.

Even though it didn't come off that way, I think she means well.  In your initial post you stated you weren't sure if you will have srs yet.  Your sister seems concerned about you rushing into something you may not be ready for or even like in the long term.  While I don't think her criteria applies to everyone in any way, I do think it is worth pondering what she said if you aren't 100 percent sure whether you want this or not.