Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I dunno what each of you your reason and objective is in transitioning but for me my main is to attract guys.

What is strange is that when I was in my early/mid twenties I looked very beautiful and attractive but NOT passable. Some people say beautiful=passable, this is not true. You can be very beautiful but not passable cos of some subtle features in your face that betrays you. So before I was having problem to attract guys cos they were always clocking me and saying 'She's very beautiful but SHE'S IS A MAN!'

Now I've reached my 30's and things are reverting but getting worse. I am passing but looking less beautiful. As time passed by I manage to do my FFS and correct my flaws and 'unpassabilities', but now aging is attacking and my beauty has faded a lot and this is getting me depressed big time. Now they don't clock me as much as before but I no more look as attractive as I was.

Making things worse is IN MY HEAD I am childish and feel still in the peer age group of people 18-20 years old, and I get attracted by guys ONLY between those range. I don't like guys same age as me. I find even a guy of 25 years too old for my taste and I want only 18-20.


It's like a perpetual war never ending to attract guys of 18-20.

How do you girls deal with aging? It's so scary. I'm almost ruined in my 30's, I prefer not think what will happen to me later on :( Sometimes I think of committing suicide if I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I'm so obssessed with youth and beauty.  :( Honestly I prefer to be perceived as a bombshell ->-bleeped-<- than to be a passable but plain.

Personally, transitioning to get guys is a bad reason.

I think you need to be happy with yourself and who you are before you will actually attract anyone for the long term. Many people fall for a persons personality more than their looks.

I'm 52. Men pay a lot of attention to me (though no one has asked to date me. I haven't flirted, since I'm not really into men yet.)

They're not 18-20 year-olds. They're people closer to my own age whose life experiences and outlook are therefore similar to mine.

My objective in transitioning, though, has nothing to do with attracting people. I did it because it's the only way I'm comfortable living.

Quote from: LordKAT on August 27, 2013, 07:56:18 AM
Personally, transitioning to get guys is a bad reason.

I think you need to be happy with yourself and who you are before you will actually attract anyone for the long term. Many people fall for a persons personality more than their looks.

Honestly LordKat, I'm a very sexual person and not into long term stuffs. I tried it but I conclude it's a prison and so boring for me.

As a guy, I NEVER attracted a single straight guy, all I was attracting were gay guys who wanted to touch my most hated part, when I was perceived as a beautiful ->-bleeped-<- all I was attracting were ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-s who again like to touch my hated part, now I am passable but beauty faded, all I am attracting are ugly desperate straight guys. I'M NEVER GETTING WHAT I REALLY WANT. I get them VERY VERY VERY RARE. The only way to have the type of people that I want was to alter myself, there was no other way out of that situation. But of course I also transitioned cos I felt that I would be more at ease expressing myself as female than male, that was the second reason I transitioned.

1. I think you should discuss those issues and worries with a therapist, sexologist, something like that. I would personally be worried by not being able to accept someone even 5 years younger than me, and to be so worried about appearance than being an "old" (big quotes) 30-year-old would make me desperate. Not to mention that t obe so centered on sex is probably not very healthy.

I'm not trying to ridicule you or anything, but I seriously think the issue is hardly aging but the fact that you're so afraid of it. Keeping yourself from visually aging is difficult, costy and everything but perfect. Working on obsessions, set ideas and rigid patterns however may be hard, but it's not costy, and it doesn't have the side effects of a lifting or a botox injection. Consider it. It's not like it takes anything away from you.

2. There are actually some young men who are into older women. They're even a "classic" fiction character.

3. There are ways to slow aging, such as avoiding the sun and eating well. Assuming that you're not so obsessed and that by 30 years old aging is already significantly apparent, you've probably not been taking care of yourself well. The worst I can think of is not protecting yourself from the sun, or even worse, actually tanning. At 30, in theory, your body has only been in a slow degradation state for 5 years or so. It should not be so apparent. If you start doing things healthily it shouldn't get worse too fast.

4. Although 30 is definitely a bit young, there are corrective surgeries and treatments for apparent age. Make sure you go to someone competent and discuss long-term issues with them properly though. For example, you may feel satisfied after a face-lift, but then realize that 5 years later, your stretched skin is worse than before. And uhm, no botox. Never seen it look even decent. There are also "soft" treatments, too, like skin resurfacing and such. Those are probably better to try at first.

Quote from: A on August 27, 2013, 08:35:44 AM
1. I think you should discuss those issues and worries with a therapist, sexologist, something like that. I would personally be worried by not being able to accept someone even 5 years younger than me, and to be so worried about appearance than being an "old" (big quotes) 30-year-old would make me desperate. Not to mention that t obe so centered on sex is probably not very healthy.

I'm not trying to ridicule you or anything, but I seriously think the issue is hardly aging but the fact that you're so afraid of it. Keeping yourself from visually aging is difficult, costy and everything but perfect. Working on obsessions, set ideas and rigid patterns however may be hard, but it's not costy, and it doesn't have the side effects of a lifting or a botox injection. Consider it. It's not like it takes anything away from you.

2. There are actually some young men who are into older women. They're even a "classic" fiction character.

3. There are ways to slow aging, such as avoiding the sun and eating well. Assuming that you're not so obsessed and that by 30 years old aging is already significantly apparent, you've probably not been taking care of yourself well. The worst I can think of is not protecting yourself from the sun, or even worse, actually tanning. At 30, in theory, your body has only been in a slow degradation state for 5 years or so. It should not be so apparent. If you start doing things healthily it shouldn't get worse too fast.

4. Although 30 is definitely a bit young, there are corrective surgeries and treatments for apparent age. Make sure you go to someone competent and discuss long-term issues with them properly though. For example, you may feel satisfied after a face-lift, but then realize that 5 years later, your stretched skin is worse than before. And uhm, no botox. Never seen it look even decent. There are also "soft" treatments, too, like skin resurfacing and such. Those are probably better to try at first.

Thanks for all the advices.   :D

First off: 30 isn't old thank you very much. At all. In fact it is a much better age then 20 because of the acquired experience. I loved being 20. But I love being 30, at least I did when I was swimming in money. Well that was 28. Anyhoo, transitioning for looks or sex, eh, that could backfire on you. Big time. If you are a good looking guy, you should have no trouble getting men. And most gay men aren't flamers and you wouldn't even know they are gay. In fact, most heteros are more GAY then GAY men lol

Long story short, you need to accept your age, your not old, we all go thru this, I know I id, but hangin out with 18 year olds? really? Uh, that sound slike my worst nightmare. I couldn't imagine a worst situation then being stuck living ina college dorm at 30. UGH. KILL ME NOW lol seriously, move to a city there are plenty of people in their 30s without kids who like to party and have fun.

I really think you need two things:


A decent therapist and maybe someone to help you with style. It is not hard to be sexy at 30 years old.

Remember beuti is a varient thing, theres many guys who find mature woman to be very sexy.

Well I'm only 26 so I don't have Too much to worry about although it dose crop up alittle.

Looks aren't everything princess, And I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you and I will both be old one day, have scraggly gray hair, a face full of wrinkles and crappy teeth. No matter what we do.

There's only one other option, and that's to off yourself and turn yourself into a taxidermy... That's not an option worth taking.

As for me, I've been getting gray hairs since I was 17... I actually like them, I've got quite a few and I wish I had more, I think they are awesome. But then again I have strange aesthetic tastes.

I do have wrinkles in my case they aren't entirely natural in origin, Alot of them are from intensive electrolysis sessions where the collagen in my skin has been damaged. They look like a cross between acne scarring and a splodge of prematurely aged skin. I regard them the same way I regard all my scars and I have ALOT of them. (Like 30% of my body)

"I made sacrifices to survive those darkest of days and I bear the marks from it, I lament that I had to make such choices but I don't regret them."

As for what I do practically, I can't go back but I can go forward, I moisturise and put sunscreen on everyday, I exercise and I eat and sleep properly (Well not those last two sometimes  ::) nobody is perfect. )

Do you look 30 OP? I know everyone I meet gasps when I say my age. I look young like 25-28. At least that is what everyone guesses. I.m actually 54.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 27, 2013, 02:06:14 PM
Do you look 30 OP? I know everyone I meet gasps when I say my age. I look young like 25-28. At least that is what everyone guesses. I.m actually 54.

WHAT!!! :o  You should be kidding right? There NO WAY on earth you can be 54!  :o 28 I would say. And if it's the truth, what's your secret to remain and look much younger than your age?

Last year I was 29 and I looked upto 23 depending on my make up but this year, generally looking 25, all suddenly my face flettered I dunno how and why and I do look my actual age now.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 27, 2013, 02:06:14 PM
Do you look 30 OP? I know everyone I meet gasps when I say my age. I look young like 25-28. At least that is what everyone guesses. I.m actually 54.

If you're 54, I'll eat your hat (since I don't have one)

Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 27, 2013, 02:06:14 PM
Do you look 30 OP? I know everyone I meet gasps when I say my age. I look young like 25-28. At least that is what everyone guesses. I.m actually 54.

You're 54? What is this sorcery!? Where have you hidden the fountain of youth!

Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 27, 2013, 10:27:05 AM
First off: 30 isn't old thank you very much. At all. In fact it is a much better age then 20 because of the acquired experience. I loved being 20. But I love being 30, at least I did when I was swimming in money. Well that was 28. Anyhoo, transitioning for looks or sex, eh, that could backfire on you. Big time. If you are a good looking guy, you should have no trouble getting men. And most gay men aren't flamers and you wouldn't even know they are gay. In fact, most heteros are more GAY then GAY men lol

One of the benefits of the acquired experience is that you learn there is more to a person's beauty than their physical appearance. For example, I know a woman, an absolutely stunning beauty.. However, her personality is so toxic that no one will hang around her too long...

Beauty is only skin deep.. Ugly goes right to the bone..

This is one of the saddest threads I've yet read on Susan's, or the reason for writing it is. If you feel horrible and betrayed by aging at 30 something, I really don't see how you'll survive into your forties. I won't bother mentioning anything older than that. I just turned 59 less than two weeks ago, and aging isn't what worries or saddens me, it's all the wasted years I had getting to the point of having to transition because I'd burned out every other option. I finally did what I knew I wanted from my first moments of knowing I was born with a male body. Live as a female. Your first reason, for sex, is the first time I've ever read about it being any transsexual's main reason for transitioning, anywhere at anytime. You'd better get used to it, girl, you're going to age, how you go about doing it is up to you, gracefully or gracelessly, tactlessly and depressingly. If you don't seek help though, I can see a very possible drug and/or alcohol future for you to cope with aging.....which will only accelerate what you're trying to escape. Who doesn't love looking at a gorgeous twentysomething's hard body, but who on earth wants to hang out with a twentysomething mind. I mean this sincerely, I'm worried for your future and I hope you get some help. From the sound of things you've gone too far into transitioning to go back now. I can't think of anything less appealing for me to de-transition into after going as far as I have, (and I haven't had any FFS or anything else, just HRT), and that's being an effeminate looking gay man. Nobody in their right mind wants to stay with someone unhappily attached to a mirror. You'd better get over your appearance and look at how others see you, instead of from the flawed mirror you see yourself in. God bless you, Mira

When I was young (early 20's) and trying my best to be "A Man", I was most attracted to Women in their late 20 and early 30's. 
They were confident, graceful, articulate, personable, fun to be with and radiated an inner beauty. They also took the time to look very nice without being over-the-top.  They had no difficulty in attracting men of all ages.

Most all of the Genetic Women I've gotten to know (15 to 20 ladies) felt they really hit their stride in their 30's and essentially all would not want to go back to when they were 20-somethings.

I believe that each of us can Rock-What-We-Got.

I believe from your words that you have the physical attractiveness to easily find partners for romance and when you are ready longer term relationships. Changing where you live and work is one way to new possibilities.

Learning to be attracted to people and not just their attributes is the most powerful way to open up new possibilities and provide many new and joyful opportunities. 

Please, if you can take to heart the suggestions for seeking some professional help to work through your current situation, YOU are worth the time and effort it takes to learn how to love and care for yourself.

-Cindi 

I am 34 and I am not really at ease with my age...I feel much younger... also because I transitioned at 28.
I skipped my youth puberty/everything... (since I could not/did not live as a normal guy). Most of my youth
days were spent indoors... thats why I got osteoporosis.
I feel I have missed out on being young. And having fun.
If that is your problem too, I can relate to that.

I also feel terrible when I see my sagging skin en receding hairline, even though I do seem to look feminine...
often I do not feel feminine...I dont feel pretty.... I so long to feel pretty. I know that sounds childish ...
I want men to be attracted to me and I also crave for their attention lol. I sometimes even measure my self
worth to my looks and then get really depressed.

I think it has to do with the emotional gap live left me. No youth as girl or teenager... and I long so
much to be of that age and start again. Its so sad when you miss out on life.

But then again I try enjoy it to the full and try not to have self pity by comparing myself to people who have
more difficult lives so I should be happy. I owe it to those people to at least enjoy what I DO HAVE.

I understand your frustration with men though. I also always seem to attract the guys I dont like/need.
I like older guys though... but now that Im getting old... those older guys are getting younger each minute lol.

I feel that this also had to do with longing to be seen/recognition... understood by men... and that they
want to make me feel feminine... instead of focussing on masculinity (male parts) etc. That really makes me
feel bad. Its hard to find a man that understands this. It sucks being a ->-bleeped-<-! lol

I also did not transition because I wanted to become a woman, I already was one... and if I could choose... I
would choose to be a man. I dont like being a woman, let alone ->-bleeped-<-... and to be seen as equal by woman,
I could not care less... I only like few woman.

But to have a masculine guy that see's you as a woman and understands your needs... thats also what I keep longing for,.

I can't imagine wanting to stay young and attractive looking for the purpose of attracting partners for casual sex.  I just can't imagine that, I'm not built that way.

What I can imagine is wanting to stay young and attractive looking in order to be able to continue to work in the Adult Industry.  If you are really interested in staying young looking, and attractive there are all sorts of things you can learn about.  But if you really want to stay young looking and attractive you will never eat fast-food, canned-food or frozen food.  You will never eat sugar or artificial sweeteners.  You will learn about antioxidants like salt, resveratrol, n-acetyl cysteine, Ester=C, blueberries...  You will probably replace that late night snack with a psyllium husk smoothie, maybe add a little cacao powder or chaga or some other superfood. 

Oh and you won't drink alcohol or municipal water that is fluoridated.  You won't smoke cigarettes or use recreational drugs and you will learn about things like Retin A, aspirin facial scrubs and topically applied vitamin C.  You won't stay up late and you will moisturize. Also you will work on balancing your life and finding harmony, perhaps through meditation or yoga because stress causes the body to age.  Also you may begin to learn that serving others is much more rewarding and will bring far greater joy than serving one's self and that inner joy will cause you to radiate inner beauty.  I am still working on that last one.  Oh and you will go to bed with Scotch Magic tape on your face.

Frozen food makes you look old?  Do you mean convenience food by this or just the actual process of freezing food does something to it to make you age?

.. Thanks for the tips, but I think I'll stick with my soda and convenience and look 40 at 40 instead of 45 ^_^

She means that the vast majority of food sold frozen or pre-prepared in any way is unhealthy. They are often badly balanced when you look at the nutrients, and even when they are, they are likely to contain way too much salt and maybe sugar. Yes, they add sugar to tomato sauce, of all things. And even if you manage to find the (expensive) pearl that doesn't have any of the above, it's likely that it contains nocive chemical additives, for conservation, colour or texture, that they are not even forced to list in the ingredients (apparently in Europe they are I think - lucky them). Also, the more the food you buy is processed, the more chances they've had to add stuff in it. For example, from canned crushed tomatoes to canned tomato/pasta sauce to a frozen pasta meal, the problems are gonna increase.

Also, make sure your idea of looking 40 is at the right place. In a society of people who eat awfully badly, are very stressed, like to tan and don't exercise enough, "looking 40" is probably not what it should be.

Then again, I'm not one to speak. I've been eating almost nothing but unbalanced breakfast and my four-ingredient pasta (whole wheat pasta, canned tomato sauce, black beans, processed cheese slice) for the last two weeks. Cooking is a pain.

Yep. 

One thing to take into consideration is that the food that is being produced in the United States is being produced for the fast-food industry.  The beef that we produce is fed corn to make the cow grow and fatten up really fast.  The thing is it is very unnatural for a cow to eat corn.  Cows are designed to eat grass, not starchy corn.  Corn turns to sugar when digested.  This is bad news for cows because their stomachs (they have more than one stomach, because they were designed to process grasses, not carbs) when fed starchy corn cows stomachs turn into E Coli factories, you know that bacteria that has been responsible for so many food-related deaths in past years?  Well the cows become E Coli factories and anything you use their manure (which used to be one of the best natural fertilizers) but anything you put Corporate Grown Beef Manure on can become infected, spinach, salad, things that never used to harbor E Coli.

And guess what the Corporations do to try to fix the problem?  Well it is all about profits so they constantly feed the cows anti-biotics to try to deal with all the bacteria.  Well you know how folks will tell you never to abuse anti-biotics because it will cause disease resistant strains of bacteria?  Well guess who is really abusing the anti-biotics?  And those anti-biotic pumped cows, when you eat their flesh and drink their milk you ingest those anti-biotics, your children ingest those anti-biotics.

Have you ever heard of mechanically separated meat?

Mechanically separated meat is when you take the bones, tendons and waste material from butchering animals and you put it into a tumbler that takes all the tiny little scraps of meat off the waste.  This meat-product then has Ammonia added to it, to kill all of the E Coli but the problem is it tastes bad so they pump it full of artificial flavors and such to make it seem like regular meat.  It is added to hamburger and chances are you have eaten it.  They do it with Chicken, try to find a frozen pepperoni pizza that doesn't have mechanically separated chicken in it.

And how about flouride?  Well, I need to cut this post short but if you are interested in your health and vitality you absolutely must be proactive about it.  Here is a link to an article that talks about fluoride  http://www.naturalnews.com/041745_pesticide_harmful_chemicals_nutrition_killers.html

Quote from: Kate G on September 09, 2013, 08:16:46 PM
They do it with Chicken, try to find a frozen pepperoni pizza that doesn't have mechanically separated chicken in it.

I'm not sure if this was a typo or what but I'm having trouble finding a frozen pepperoni pizza that does have mechanically separated chicken in it.

Aside from the fact that it is not exactly smart to consider transition to attract men there is something I see tossed around a lot here.

Now I realize a lot of people here are early in the process of transition or have yet to begin so I though I would say this. There is not another word I hate more in this entire world than the P word many of you use. I realize it has many definitions but I focus on the one that says something like, putting forth something that is not real in an attempt to deceive others.

Now since this is the transsexual forum we are all supposed to be women. I live my life as I am the woman I am, nothing more nothing less and I don't ever walk around with this P word floating in my head.

Perhaps a better word to use is your presentation to the world.

Quote from: Alice Danielle on September 09, 2013, 08:28:32 PM
I'm not sure if this was a typo or what but I'm having trouble finding a frozen pepperoni pizza that does have mechanically separated chicken in it.

Here are four examples of pizzas with mechanically separated meat

Red Baron Pizza Ingredients ---->   (click on a pizza with pepperoni in it) http://www.redbaron.com/classic-crust-pizza.htm 
Tombstone -------------------->  http://www.foodfacts.com/NutritionFacts/Prepared-Meals/Tombstone-Pepperoni-Pizza--oz/32369
DiGiorno ----------> (Click on Ingredients +) http://www.digiorno.com/Products/rising-crust/rising-crust/11157/pepperoni
Tony's ----------------------> (Click on a pizza with pepperoni or sausage in it) http://www.tonys.com/products-original-crust-pizzas.htm

YouTube link, The Young Turks article on Mechanically separated poultry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T67DvoH2H3E

Ammonia is what gives mechanically separated meats that pièce de résistance :) !

Basically there isn't any mechanically separated chicken in the pizza, directly, but it contains pepperoni which itself contains it. They don't always have to go down the whole list of ingredients' ingredients, you know.

Also, uh... you know what sucks with saying "the P word"? People have no idea what word you're talking about. If you can muster enough hate for the word to express it, use some of that energy to write the actual word, please. I have always and will always hate censoring in every form, and especially in this case where it makes me think about nothing but "progesterone", because it's the only thing people call "P" on the forums, as far as I know.

passing and the pizzas I looked at contained ingredient lists for the pepperoni, no chicken, mechanically seperated or not.

Gonna have to ask her, then, because I have no idea.

Quote from: Alice Danielle on September 10, 2013, 12:00:19 AM
passing and the pizzas I looked at contained ingredient lists for the pepperoni, no chicken, mechanically seperated or not.

That's good then, what country do you live in?  Here in the USA mechanically separated meat is in everything.  I would avoid pizza as junk food anyway, it's comprised of simple carbs that turn into sugar once you eat it and sugars cause intense free radical damage and premature aging.  Someone said it best on a YouTube I watched today, beauty is a sign of health and since I have no health insurance it is important to me to avoid sickness, eating right not only prevents premature aging but also helps prevent disease.

I want to keep this thread on topic, near as I can tell it is about staying youthful and attractive.  Here is an interesting YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRJR-pw57Tg
that talks about an artificial sweetener you have probably never even heard of but you have probably eaten it.  That is why packaged foods are a no-no to me.  In the video she mentions how anything that is less than 5% of the product volume can simply be listed as "natural flavoring" so you have no idea what you are really eating when you eat at a restaurant or when you eat canned, frozen, packaged meals etc.

Indeed good, healthy eating contributes to good health.. Which in turns contributes to delaying aging..

Quote from: Kate G on September 10, 2013, 03:13:06 AM
In the video she mentions how anything that is less than 5% of the product volume can simply be listed as "natural flavoring" so you have no idea what you are really eating when you eat at a restaurant or when you eat canned, frozen, packaged meals etc.

As a chef, I find this a little hard to take,  offensive even.. I only cook with good quality, fresh ingredients..  No artificial colours or flavours, very little salt (if any) and use good quality flavouring agents like spices and herbs.. And all of the chef's I know are the same..

Vastly depends on the kind of restaurant. In restaurant chains, chefs will use a lot of premade mixes and stuff, so that their food has the company's products' taste everywhere. And in several restaurants (most of the affordable ones I'd say) they'll just always use the very cheapest stuff they can buy, or close to that. I worked at a restaurant once (for two nights before I was fired - cleaning dishes at restaurant production speed noted as not within my abilities).

It wasn't even such an unreliable-looking restaurant. It was a clean, medium-priced Vietnamese restaurant. Some sauces were huge buckets of powder. The others were entirely from a brand, and the same you see so often in Asian restaurants. The only (I think) dessert they made on spot was made from bought phyllo dough, bought ice cream and bought chocolate sauce. They sold (terribly overpriced, like almost every single restaurant) Costco cake slices, whose ingredient list was very long. One of the listed desserts was canned fruit.

And I never had time to pay attention to what the actual chefs were putting in the food. Probably, it wasn't all-natural.

Thing is, very few normal restaurants bother with using "good" ingredients, because the customers don't really know (and mostly don't really care about) what's in their food as long as it tastes good. Of course, you have the chic restaurants, and a much higher proportion of those will care about (and even take pride in) their ingredients. But those aren't relevant to the poor like me, and they are probably pretty minoritary, statistically, too.

Quote from: Katie on September 09, 2013, 08:43:06 PM
Aside from the fact that it is not exactly smart to consider transition to attract men there is something I see tossed around a lot here.

Now I realize a lot of people here are early in the process of transition or have yet to begin so I though I would say this. There is not another word I hate more in this entire world than the P word many of you use. I realize it has many definitions but I focus on the one that says something like, putting forth something that is not real in an attempt to deceive others.

Now since this is the transsexual forum we are all supposed to be women. I live my life as I am the woman I am, nothing more nothing less and I don't ever walk around with this P word floating in my head.

Perhaps a better word to use is your presentation to the world.

Agree, I always dreaded the word.

Also the word "stealth".

Where I live, its relatively safe for a transgender to live...so there is no need to go stealth.
Also I do not want to date a guy that is afraid anyone would find out Im trans...
And I see no advantage in being accepted as a woman by woman... it happens... but most
of the time then its rather a disadvantage then an advantage.

I kind of relate to this, really. I am not saying that attracting men was an absolute raison d'etre, but it was certainly a big factor. There's been a tendency to de-sexualise trans motivations but once upon a time it was considered one (but only one) of the factors involved. If you're attracted to men but don't feel homosexual - and don't wish to attract homosexuals - that's kind of a big deal because where exactly does it leave you in that regard? No-Person's Land, pretty much, to put it neutrally.

Age isn't being particularly kind to me. But I am over 40 now. My face is somewhat inherently thin so I am finding the (inevitable) facial wasting & sagging is giving me a gauntness not appropriate to my weight and kind of vaguely masculinising (sagging also making my nice jawline look heavier which REALLY sucks). I've been experimenting with diet and also half-hearted attempts at facial exercising (I can't say this doesn't work because I haven't stuck to it properly, tbh). I think it has impacted on my passability, which was probably 95% and may have dropped to 90 in last couple of years. I did have some minor facial work I wanted to have done YEARS AGO and never managed to get done. It isn't a major deal, basically I have a disfigured nose (accident @ 20, deviated septum & ugly bump, very poor in profile) and a small but annoying lump on my neck that I KNOW gets me read as trans occasionally. (BTW this is inside of what you'll see on regular women, too, so anyone with larger almost certainly IS getting read that way - and the only reason I know is that I make a point of knowing such things as opposed to Ignorance Is Bliss - whether rightly or wrongly, this has a profound association with maleness even if a la me, it's the size of a peanut.) So anyhow, I'm depressed that age is giving me an extra bite. I lost some weight (not actually a bad thing), which caved cheeks in a bit - also made neck lump much more visible - have regained some weight but the extent to which it's gone back on my face and neck is VERY minimal, unfortunately... wish I could say the same for my waist!

(On the plus side, for some reason I've gone from a C cup to a DD! Very odd, so many years post-op, although apparently a DD isn't necessarily as huge as people tend to think. My boobs look pretty average. But then a GG friend just told me she's a D and she looks pretty compact, really, so there you go.)

Passing all round was a very powerful motivator. I wasn't going to accept being unpassable. And this BTW, is a curse. Well, I'm not saying I'm not anyway. Just less than I might have been, so aging is a massive downer. For myself I'd appreciate any hints on facial stuff that might not involve dermal filler or whatever. The anxiety of still wanting some work past 40 is enormous. Don't look my age in some respects. But even that, I think, could be a discordance, you know, people struggling to even figure out how old I am, it strikes an odd note that makes people more curious than they might be otherwise.

Am attractive to some people, but never sure to what extent there's a kink or a curiosity in the allegedly 'exotic' going on there. Which is kind of a turn-off for me. Been there, done that, it sucked hard. Which has left me celibate really. It's difficult all round. I never moved past that 'attractive but a bit unusual' phase. Still wanting to. And time is my enemy now.

And this isn't down on people less passable. Seriously. I think this diversity of priority is just a fact of life, really. If I could change, I honestly would.

I think when you only like men (and NOT gay men), being trans is really difficult.

Its harder to have a long term relationship because there are no ties that bind you to a partner (kids). Men who date transwoman are still regarded as gay (even rightly so by some transwoman as well, because which straight guy wants to get it in the ass by an actual penis).

This makes emancipation of straight men dating TS woman even harder then it already is.

Most men that live straight lives have a big problem coming out to their friends and family and sociaty at large.

AND with men, your femininity is often seen as a sign of authenticity... its not your inside that counts. And if it does, its not always regarded as female. Just because our lives are different from regular woman... often makes us different people, with another outlook on life... that (fortunately for them) GG's dont share with us.

I have a VERY feminine character, and was even regarded as somehow "masculine" by a long term boyfriend, just because he feels better with me then with a GG. (I can see why).  Everything that is different about you, is often translated in "masculinity" ... you are not like other woman, so you must be more of a man. etc. No matter how sexy and feminine you look by the way. A lot of men date transwoman because they are tired of woman and look for something else. Someone more understanding etc.

Feeling like a woman, feeling feminine... its what makes me tick. You can try not to care... but it makes me peacefull and happy... where as being regarded as male and masculine cause great anxiety. I've seen enough therapists to know this is not likely going away.

Being female is something that I long te be for others. Not for myself... I have been female for myself.. trapped in my body. Transition is to find a mental emotional and also sexual connection to others.

I never wanted to become a woman (I dont even like them), I just am one.
I even hate the lifestyle that comes with it.. having to care so much about how I look for instance.
It ruins the precious time I have here on earth. And I am doing that for others too...
To be accepted... to be seen as female or feminine at the very least.

Sometimes I feel that I want to withdraw from sociaty completely.
There are still days that I seek solitude.

The one guy I dated, made things QUITE clear, by sending me a drunken txt at 4am telling me how was getting off on the idea of me doing him with a strap-on. Being woken up by that is one of the least entertaining things I can think of offhand. And some other creep I corresponded with for a while (who amusingly enough, stalked me for a while) recited the exact same fantasy. This seems to be a common giveaway theme. I consider these men repressed homosexuals who are looking for a slice of vicarious maleness that appears ostensibly straight. And it's really difficult, without mind-reading powers, to be sure about such things. It's the main reason I have stayed celibate for six years... even if possible, I don't consider non-disclosure an entirely ethical decision, but that's just my personal viewpoint.

I know one guy who is interested in me (at least, for sex) right now. But I am relatively sure it's an exotic notch on the bedpost urge (I'm sure he IS straight; but 50+ and possibly curious about new experiences). I know he heard about the hermaphrodite thing and apparently believes I might have a penis & a mimsy. So that could be disappointing!

Hi Janine Janine!

Fortunately I was warned about those men by a very feminine transwoman who had a lot of experience with dating men.
I've learned only to meet guys through internet and then subject them to a subtle but millitary interrogation technic.

Because, with the majority of guys that consider dating a transwoman, there is almost always a catch.
They are secretly gay, or they are slaves and masochists and want to be dominanted by what they consider powerfull woman,
often they love to dress up themselves too, and see in us a person "just like them" and that "understands them".
It happens a lot too that a straight masculine male that likes ->-bleeped-<-'s transitions later in life...

I have changed my view on life and men.

I do not care what gender they love. As long as they are masculine and top and like me for my FEMININITY (both in character and sexual), its ok. It can be a gay man, for all I care.

I grew really tired of men calling themselves straight but longing for masculinity and seek to find  that in a transwoman!!!
and it does not help to warn them beforehand... they are often so selfish and obsessed they are willing to compromise to get what they want.

It really sucks!
I feel bad for you that this happened to you!  It almost feels like some sorth of mental rape to me.

hugs
Sibila

That guy with strap-on txt, also, would have a habit of referring to me as 'bigger and stronger' than he was. It's true that I was bigger; 5'8" vs 5'7", he was very thin and wiry, I had some extra fat. But stronger? He could restrain me sexually quite easily, and knew it full well. But he got off on the idea of me being bigger and stronger (a fantasy) and didn't care how hurtful it was.

This was a bad experience in a lot of ways. Also that I had money for a couple of cosmetic procedures I'd wanted for years and his reaction was complete disapproval. No support whatsoever. He didn't want me to change a thing. On reflection I think he disliked the idea of me eliminating subtle clues of difference. I'm a fool. I was invested in the relationship regardless. (Even the sex was terrible. But invested I was.) It confused me and I lost my chance. I can never forgive him for that.

I've tried a dating site not do long ago, and ditto was vetting the responses (of which there were quite a few), my profile having disclosure. Unfortunately I found none of them were any different to this. NONE. But one exception, only when I said, "You DID read my profile didn't you?" - he replied, "Yes, but I don't understand it, whatever." He wanted to meet. I stopped writing to him - can't be wasting time trying to bludgeon someone with something they might not like. And I deleted the profile a while after. I might try again one of the days... or maybe not.

Hey Janine!

Ive invested in a relationship and after 4 years I still did not meet any of his friends or family...
which makes me feel like I have some kind of horrible disease or something.
Like I am social plague. (even though I am a kind and humble person that gets along with
a lot of people)

Ive learned that I go first in life. Even though that does not suit me and I long for a dominant but caring man in my life.
I have learned to first take care of myself and set high standards when it comes to intimacy.

Its terrible to lose your life to these kind of dissapointments! But still... I am not giving up. Just taking more care of myself now
and what I want and need in my life!

xx
Sibila

Quote from: Janine-Janine on September 10, 2013, 07:03:48 AM
Age isn't being particularly kind to me. But I am over 40 now. My face is somewhat inherently thin so I am finding the (inevitable) facial wasting & sagging is giving me a gauntness not appropriate to my weight and kind of vaguely masculinising (sagging also making my nice jawline look heavier which REALLY sucks). I've been experimenting with diet and also half-hearted attempts at facial exercising (I can't say this doesn't work because I haven't stuck to it properly, tbh). I think it has impacted on my passability, which was probably 95% and may have dropped to 90 in last couple of years. I did have some minor facial work I wanted to have done YEARS AGO and never managed to get done. It isn't a major deal, basically I have a disfigured nose (accident @ 20, deviated septum & ugly bump, very poor in profile) and a small but annoying lump on my neck that I KNOW gets me read as trans occasionally. (BTW this is inside of what you'll see on regular women, too, so anyone with larger almost certainly IS getting read that way - and the only reason I know is that I make a point of knowing such things as opposed to Ignorance Is Bliss - whether rightly or wrongly, this has a profound association with maleness even if a la me, it's the size of a peanut.) So anyhow, I'm depressed that age is giving me an extra bite. I lost some weight (not actually a bad thing), which caved cheeks in a bit - also made neck lump much more visible - have regained some weight but the extent to which it's gone back on my face and neck is VERY minimal, unfortunately... wish I could say the same for my waist!
[....]
Passing all round was a very powerful motivator. I wasn't going to accept being unpassable. And this BTW, is a curse. Well, I'm not saying I'm not anyway. Just less than I might have been, so aging is a massive downer. For myself I'd appreciate any hints on facial stuff that might not involve dermal filler or whatever. The anxiety of still wanting some work past 40 is enormous. Don't look my age in some respects. But even that, I think, could be a discordance, you know, people struggling to even figure out how old I am, it strikes an odd note that makes people more curious than they might be otherwise.

Hi Janine. We just had this in another thread but this one here has age in the title, so I checked that.
I was asking there as to how it comes and what can be done that apparently for some of us aging is a thing that makes us less well perceived properly or even misgendered. This happened to me recently a few times and it was annoying. I started HRT with about 23 or 24 and things went rather ok. I rarely got into trouble in respect of that whole "passing" issue after a while. Ok, I did not try to have sexual relationships with people who did not know my past, I just cannot imagine being that intimate while keeping something that was of such a big influence of my life, but that may be jus tme. But I nearly never got misgendered and my guess is that in something like 60-80% people will not think much, the remainder may to various degree find something odd with some percentage being very aware of the existence of transpeople actually identifying me as one but keeping their mouths shut because they are tolerant of it. I feel now that this is declining with age. Now I am almost 40 and start to have wrinkles and bumps and rougher skin and I feel that this actually decreases the benefits I had when I was younger in terms of how people see me. So I am with Janine here, worrying about the possible need for transwomen who transitioned young for some procedures like FFS or therelike later in life because "passability" actually decreases? Which is especially tough if you got used to this topic not bothering you too much anymore. It feels a bit like being dragged back to a situation that was thought o have passed forever. Has anyone else experienced such a thing and what did or would you do?

This stuff is one of the reasons I remained pre op. I just cannot bear the idea to be seen as trans when I have a vagina.

QuoteNow I've reached my 30's and things are reverting but getting worse. I am passing but looking less beautiful. As time passed by I manage to do my FFS and correct my flaws and 'unpassabilities', but now aging is attacking and my beauty has faded a lot and this is getting me depressed big time. Now they don't clock me as much as before but I no more look as attractive as I was.

Welcome to the world of the grown-ups.

Beauty--youthful beauty--does not last. Enjoy it while you have it, but understand you will not be that way forever. What you need to do now is, start seeing yourself at the age you are, as beautiful. Start seeing other people who are at the age you are, as beautiful.

And consider that you will only get older as time goes on...start looking at older people as beautiful, also. "Beauty" isn't what your body looks like, it's how you are on the inside.

Once you see the inner beauty as better more desirable than outer beauty, that's when it's easier to let go of the youth.

LOL. I'm terrible. I think I'll look like Joan Rivers when I'm 70 if I ever get to be more solvent. :)

(Only joking. Probably.)