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Title: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: lostnostalgist on August 27, 2013, 11:56:18 PM
Post by: lostnostalgist on August 27, 2013, 11:56:18 PM
Heyhey, I'm complicated, not sure where to begin...
I'm 21, MTF. I first questioned my gender maybe 5 years ago. My parents are great and supportive. Went to a small highschool that was quite GLBT friendly but... when I came out I dropped out within a few weeks. Still not really sure why, but I wasn't ready, I was 17 then.
I was going to a great therapist and support group, but I stopped going. Makes me sad to remember. I went into some kind of denial... over a year ago I was diagnosed "psychotic NOS" (although I have something more like depersonalization disorder) and I went on Abilify. It helped me socialize, helped me a LOT in general TBH. Started hanging out with people from highschool again... but I was still in denial, didn't want to talk to them about it, all we did was drink and smoke anyway.
I guess there were/are 3 notable aspects of my "denial", in no particular order: weed, sleep deprivation, and computers. I didn't have insomnia, I just stayed awake for days tearing apart laptops. On a side note I now have a fairly substantial knowledge of laptops, particularly graphics cards. I'd happy to help anyone with that. :)
And onto the better parts of my life: started taking myself seriously around January of this year. Came out to my roommates who were supportive. Switched to Wellbutrin, quit smoking weed... and a month or so later I cried for over an hour one day. I started to feel more genuine and aware of myself than I knew was possible. I cried pretty often but it was a good thing.
Unfortunately... It seems like that's over and done with now. I haven't cried and quite a while, not sure if the medication has worn off or what and it's been a pretty big source of confusion and unhappiness for me right now. I feel like I've gone back to my ways of denial again... not bothering to notice that I'm not female.
BUT - I know that's not true. I realize that I've come a REALLY long way, I'm complicated and I will feel the way I did again, someday. I have my doubts but I know I'm trans in the back of my head, and I think I'll be ok.
As of tonight, I've been on HRT for a week! ;D Nothings changed yet but I guess I can wait.
Otherwise, hmm, what am I like? I can be extremely intellectual and talk about very abstract concepts. Producing electronic music is very important to me. Mostly experimental, trip hop and IDM oriented stuff, my soundcloud is here https://soundcloud.com/crackmontage
I'm very serious and typical about my transition, very much want to pass etc but atypical in that I'm very patient and I don't hate everything about my body.
I also don't get very upset when I see mild "transphobia".
I still go by Aaron and male pronouns around my parents and friends even though I'm out to them. I'm scared of making people uncomfortable, I don't wear "exclusively" female clothes or makeup or anything.
I'm strongly considering the name Mara :) but I don't think I'll be sure for a while haha
Oh and yeah, tumblr has kinda been my source of research/support, seeing so many cool and beautiful trans peoples blogs has really helped me! Mine is the same as my username. I mostly post art but I have a /tagged/me if you want to see what I look like and a /tagged/personal if you want to read stuff even more rambling and emotional than this. :P
tumblr isn't very social which is why I'm here. I've always been more of a forum person. Looking forward to meeting and socializing with you all!
I'm 21, MTF. I first questioned my gender maybe 5 years ago. My parents are great and supportive. Went to a small highschool that was quite GLBT friendly but... when I came out I dropped out within a few weeks. Still not really sure why, but I wasn't ready, I was 17 then.
I was going to a great therapist and support group, but I stopped going. Makes me sad to remember. I went into some kind of denial... over a year ago I was diagnosed "psychotic NOS" (although I have something more like depersonalization disorder) and I went on Abilify. It helped me socialize, helped me a LOT in general TBH. Started hanging out with people from highschool again... but I was still in denial, didn't want to talk to them about it, all we did was drink and smoke anyway.
I guess there were/are 3 notable aspects of my "denial", in no particular order: weed, sleep deprivation, and computers. I didn't have insomnia, I just stayed awake for days tearing apart laptops. On a side note I now have a fairly substantial knowledge of laptops, particularly graphics cards. I'd happy to help anyone with that. :)
And onto the better parts of my life: started taking myself seriously around January of this year. Came out to my roommates who were supportive. Switched to Wellbutrin, quit smoking weed... and a month or so later I cried for over an hour one day. I started to feel more genuine and aware of myself than I knew was possible. I cried pretty often but it was a good thing.
Unfortunately... It seems like that's over and done with now. I haven't cried and quite a while, not sure if the medication has worn off or what and it's been a pretty big source of confusion and unhappiness for me right now. I feel like I've gone back to my ways of denial again... not bothering to notice that I'm not female.
BUT - I know that's not true. I realize that I've come a REALLY long way, I'm complicated and I will feel the way I did again, someday. I have my doubts but I know I'm trans in the back of my head, and I think I'll be ok.
As of tonight, I've been on HRT for a week! ;D Nothings changed yet but I guess I can wait.
Otherwise, hmm, what am I like? I can be extremely intellectual and talk about very abstract concepts. Producing electronic music is very important to me. Mostly experimental, trip hop and IDM oriented stuff, my soundcloud is here https://soundcloud.com/crackmontage
I'm very serious and typical about my transition, very much want to pass etc but atypical in that I'm very patient and I don't hate everything about my body.
I also don't get very upset when I see mild "transphobia".
I still go by Aaron and male pronouns around my parents and friends even though I'm out to them. I'm scared of making people uncomfortable, I don't wear "exclusively" female clothes or makeup or anything.
I'm strongly considering the name Mara :) but I don't think I'll be sure for a while haha
Oh and yeah, tumblr has kinda been my source of research/support, seeing so many cool and beautiful trans peoples blogs has really helped me! Mine is the same as my username. I mostly post art but I have a /tagged/me if you want to see what I look like and a /tagged/personal if you want to read stuff even more rambling and emotional than this. :P
tumblr isn't very social which is why I'm here. I've always been more of a forum person. Looking forward to meeting and socializing with you all!
Title: Re: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: Jamie D on August 28, 2013, 12:23:06 AM
Post by: Jamie D on August 28, 2013, 12:23:06 AM
A warm southern California welcome to you! And thanks for the information you provided in your first post.
Please be sure to review:
I am going to drop your tumblr into your signature box for you, that way it will show up in every post.
After 15 posts, you will be able to modify your own profile (for instance, to add an avatar), and use the personal messaging system.
If you haven't done so already, you might want to read the owner's own biography. https://www.susans.org/susan/index.html She's a computer person too!
Please be sure to review:
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
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- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
I am going to drop your tumblr into your signature box for you, that way it will show up in every post.
After 15 posts, you will be able to modify your own profile (for instance, to add an avatar), and use the personal messaging system.
If you haven't done so already, you might want to read the owner's own biography. https://www.susans.org/susan/index.html She's a computer person too!
Title: Re: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: Jamie D on August 28, 2013, 12:31:29 AM
Post by: Jamie D on August 28, 2013, 12:31:29 AM
Just want to add I went over to your SoundCloud and listened to a few of your tracks. I really liked "abrasion abuse" and "Dkgf8f."
Title: Re: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: SaveMeJeebus on August 28, 2013, 06:38:25 AM
Post by: SaveMeJeebus on August 28, 2013, 06:38:25 AM
Ahoy there!
I'm complicated too ::). It is nice to hear you parents have been wonderful since confronting them. I am sure now that you are on HRT, you will gradually become less in-denial. Have you considered trying to reestablish receiving help?
I checked out quite a handful of your songs, only I forgot what one I liked the most xD. So many. I think Mara's a nice name. How comes you are leaning towards going with Mara?
I suppose I should say I am looking forward to hearing more from yourself ::). Just kidding. Welcome! =]
I'm complicated too ::). It is nice to hear you parents have been wonderful since confronting them. I am sure now that you are on HRT, you will gradually become less in-denial. Have you considered trying to reestablish receiving help?
I checked out quite a handful of your songs, only I forgot what one I liked the most xD. So many. I think Mara's a nice name. How comes you are leaning towards going with Mara?
I suppose I should say I am looking forward to hearing more from yourself ::). Just kidding. Welcome! =]
Title: Re: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on August 28, 2013, 10:05:42 AM
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on August 28, 2013, 10:05:42 AM
Hi lostnostalgist, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 7276. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Welcome to our little family. Over 7276. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Title: Re: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: lostnostalgist on August 30, 2013, 01:47:59 AM
Post by: lostnostalgist on August 30, 2013, 01:47:59 AM
Thank you all so much for the warm welcomes! :) it really means a lot to me that y'all like my music! The best thing I have written is probably "happenings unfinished".
Yes, I'm happy to be on HRT but it seems like it's not working :/ I mean it must be but idk maybe I'll make a thread.
True. Although, I was looking the other popular (competing?) trans forum, lauras playground and... well supposedly they have 16,828 :o :o :o LOL that can't be right though, they have half the posts. I suspect a DDOS attack :icon_suspicious:
Yes, I'm happy to be on HRT but it seems like it's not working :/ I mean it must be but idk maybe I'll make a thread.
Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on August 28, 2013, 10:05:42 AM
Over 7276.
True. Although, I was looking the other popular (competing?) trans forum, lauras playground and... well supposedly they have 16,828 :o :o :o LOL that can't be right though, they have half the posts. I suspect a DDOS attack :icon_suspicious:
Title: Re: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: Jamie D on August 30, 2013, 02:06:30 AM
Post by: Jamie D on August 30, 2013, 02:06:30 AM
We purge the membership roles from time to time, especially of the people who visit once, sign up, never post, and don't come back. It opens up screen names as well.
The unique membership numbers assigned each person who registers are approaching 30,000.
The unique membership numbers assigned each person who registers are approaching 30,000.
Title: Re: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: Devlyn on August 31, 2013, 06:20:45 PM
Post by: Devlyn on August 31, 2013, 06:20:45 PM
Hi Lostnostalgist, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up in the Boston area. See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: lostnostalgist on August 10, 2014, 09:51:50 PM
Post by: lostnostalgist on August 10, 2014, 09:51:50 PM
im back so i thought i'd bump this!
i just wanted to ask a question about hrt, but i think this might be a fun place to hang out at more often.
i just wanted to ask a question about hrt, but i think this might be a fun place to hang out at more often.
Title: Hello, MTF hailing from tumblr
Post by: Kassie on August 11, 2014, 01:45:28 AM
Post by: Kassie on August 11, 2014, 01:45:28 AM
The more I explore the site the more questions I seem to get answers for on here if I had only found this site sooner LOL
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