Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Four years ago the magazine I ran, nurtured and grew, failed as a result of the economy but more specifically, our competitor. There is only room for one type of this niche women's publication in my city. Well, Tuesday, I have a job interview with the competitor. I'm perfect for the job as they wouldn't have to train me or anything and they know how good I am at what i do because we competed for so long.

But, and there is huge butt, and it's my own. I don't pass as male. I guess I could if I didn't shave but you need to shave for an interview. I imagine they looked me up on FB or LinkedIN and I don't look masculine in any respect in those photos. But now it is nearly impossible to look masculine. Plus they are like exactly four blocks from the gender clinic. I think it is simply impossible for someone to not know I am a transsexual woman. I have to wear a suit I guess and I have lost like 15 lbs since I bought that. I am not looking forward to wearing it. It fit like five months ago but I don't know about now. I did have like A cups when I bought it in 2011 but now I hace full C cups and my shouder muscles are melting away ever since I started progesterone.

I am not really sure what I am trying to ask other then how should I approach this and should I cut my hair? I just dyed it auburn and it's finally getting long enough to not have to wear that stupid hat I wear. So I really don't want to but I want this job. I need it. But then again I'm not going to stop taking hormones for the job or even slow down or taper my dose. No is the answer to that. So they are going to find out the second I step out of the suit as I feel like that will kinda obscure my boobs but I should really check. Binding is not an option as they are too sensitive. If I wear a bra that is too tight they hurt. I don't want to be wincing when they ask questions.

It's not like I am going to be the public face of the magazine or anything. Everything I will be doing is behind closed doors. the jobs is really suited for a female and they are interviewing three other people and I would bet $10,000 they are all 28 year old women or moms looking for a job. So it's not like my lack of masculinity will be a factor in that respect and everyone who works at the office is female.

I mean they can't come out and ask me if I'm trans but I just sold something on Craigslist and I havent shaved and Im dressed male and the guy kept staring at my chest. He looked confused. That's what happens if I don't present female. Obviously, this was my exact goal and I am ecstatic it's going so well but I'd also like a job.

Comments are welcome. What do you think? Any thoughts?

I'm not the best person to comment on this because I've been struggling to find work; however, I would suggest trying not to focus too much on your appearance.  As long as you look presentable, I think you'll be okay.  Just try to show them why you are the right person for the job.  Why you fit in the position.

If you want to look more masculine and pass as male, try these suggestions.  Wear a suit and tie.  I do this for pretty much every interview as it is standard interview attire.  If you wear a sports bra and a sports jacket, your breasts may not be as noticeable.  Perhaps, also try to have a well kept beard.  Believe me, I understand the dyphoria issue, but having a slight beard that is maintained would help you pass and wouldn't be a deterrent either.  Your hair is short enough for it to be fine as it is.  With all of that going on, I don't think they would doubt your gender even if you are feminine.

So if they hired you, what would you do about going to work? How would you present then?  Do you intend to try to keep the fact that you are transitioning from them in order to get the job, then spring it on them shortly after?

Joanna,
If you have really big boobs as you describe, that would certainly be a problem trying to pass as a male or it would at least raise some questions.  However, I would really guess that if you have not yet done definitive beard removal and can still talk with a male voice, going with just a little beard shadow and your hair tied back should be enough to eliminate any doubts about your gender.

I was hired as a guy looking very like I do in my avatar photo, I just wasn't wearing a dress and my hair, while already much longer than most people in my situation, was not as long as it is now. I think that by any standards, I look pretty feminine yet since most people don't think transgender for a second, until I came out, while people did notice my unusual appearance, they had never associated it with anything in particular.

End of the day though, given everything you say about how you can no longer pass as a guy, why don't you just present as you?
Best of luck whatever you decide to do!
Donna

Wear what is appropriate to look nice. Male or female or in between I would hire someone based on how well they sold themselves. At least that's how we often hire in the south.

Well, that suit will make You look ridiculous - I know, because I just gave away three L sized jackets in which I looked... weird. In fact I look weird in everything which is L size now. So, if You can - go for smart casual instead, which is perfectly OK for job interviews and You dont have to wear a suit there - loose male cardigan might work as well and it could be loose enough to conceal Your most forward parts ;).
As regards Your hair - either tie it together in the back as Donna suggested, or go for that sleazy look - use lots of hair gel and comb it back... Essentially You will look like You had been licked and kissed by a cow, but a lot of men actually wear that style daily.

If it's a woman's magazine, run and operated by mostly if not all women, and if you had run a similar magazine as their competitor, then what's to keep you from coming on staff as you are and making it clear to the woman who does the hiring that you are in transition? I would think that she would decide to hire you based more on what you are bringing to the company, after all you don't come empty handed and have a wealth of experience, rather than balk at your tween gender status. It would be easier on her and clarify things to her and her staff right up front rather than having to come out later on the job as if you had been fooling them all along and leave them with the impression that you hired in under false pretenses. Having managed a business in the past, that would be the way I'd be looking at it. As long as you can be an asset and help them be profitable, your personal situation isn't important unless you are gross, smell bad or are a detriment to the safety and security of the company.

Quote from: learningtolive on August 31, 2013, 01:47:00 PM
If you wear a sports bra and a sports jacket, your breasts may not be as noticeable.  Perhaps, also try to have a well kept beard.  Believe me, I understand the dyphoria issue, but having a slight beard that is maintained would help you pass and wouldn't be a deterrent either.  Your hair is short enough for it to be fine as it is.  With all of that going on, I don't think they would doubt your gender even if you are feminine.

Well I can't grow a beard and it would look horrid if I tried. I don't grow facial hair on my cheeks and it would take me four months to grow a beard that is anything close to presentable. i had a freind once and I suspect she suspected I was trans or flat out knew but one time I was like I should grow a beard and she shrieked "don't ever do that. you would would look so awkward with a beard. Plus, my mom would flip out and make me shave. It's a good suggestion if I could pull it off but I can't.

Quote from: Donna Elvira on August 31, 2013, 01:52:25 PM
Joanna,
If you have really big boobs as you describe, that would certainly be a problem trying to pass as a male or it would at least raise some questions.  However, I would really guess that if you have not yet done definitive beard removal and can still talk with a male voice, going with just a little beard shadow and your hair tied back should be enough to eliminate any doubts about your gender.

My voice is fine. It is the definition of androgynous and my normal speaking pitch accorting to PRAAT is 150 hz. If I lower it, it sounds weird. It's not a problem. The major problem is the breasts and smiling. When I smile my cheeks bunch up and i makes me look really femme. And I have to smile and won't be able to stop myself. i fall into a zone.

I wouldn't be as worried about this if every single time I present as male on the streets people whisper things and I can them and sometimes they do not even try to hide what they are saying. "That's a girl. I'm telling you. There's no way it's a guy." That is with a jacket on and my breats eeffectively hidden. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill.

Quote from: some old bag lady on August 31, 2013, 01:52:08 PM
So if they hired you, what would you do about going to work? How would you present then?  Do you intend to try to keep the fact that you are transitioning from them in order to get the job, then spring it on them shortly after?

Oh god I didn't even think of this. being stuck in a suit day in and day out sounds like a nightmare. I'm sure it is a casual office so I doubt it would be like that but wihtout a jacket, I encounter this probelm. How do I tell them? It sounds deceitful.

I'm not doubting they will know I am genetically male, I'm doubting that they won't take one look at me and think "woah, he is a she." I met my one friend a coupel months back and I presented as male. male cloths and everything but I didn't bind. I can't it hurts. He was one the phone and he didn't make any awkward looks so I was like great "he has no idea." Then he gets off the phone and says "When did you become a woman? Did you get imlants? There's no way hormones did that. You should told me this is awesome." I'm a journalist so I pride myself on remembering conversations.

Quote from: Christine167 on August 31, 2013, 02:12:53 PM
Wear what is appropriate to look nice. Male or female or in between I would hire someone based on how well they sold themselves. At least that's how we often hire in the south.

This is what i am hoping. There is no one more qualified to do this job in all of Philadelphia then me.  No one. And if there is they prolly already have a job.

The other thing is my old publisher was really competitive with the woman who owns this magazine. I came on board after that so it shouldn't effect me. But the hiring manager and owner know exactly who i am.

I won't lie I am kind of hoping they bring it up. Ya know tell me to not dress like a man. Or that I have choice. People either think I am a woman, a dyke, or a transsexual. There is no option D.

Hey Joanna I almost feel like teasing you a little bit but this is serious work to live stuff.  What about those famous civil protections in that fabulous Philly you love?  I agree with other commenters that your presentation matters but we want you to remain out and proud regardless.
I suggest that your skills, confidence and abilities will shine through and make your case.  Would you really wana work there and be in stealth mode?

Quote from: -Emily- on August 31, 2013, 02:40:04 PM
Well, that suit will make You look ridiculous - I know, because I just gave away three L sized jackets in which I looked... weird. In fact I look weird in everything which is L size now.

I don't have anything else. I do have a nice outfit but it's a woman's outfit. They're expecting a man. I don't want to shock and awe them.

Quote from: Shantel on August 31, 2013, 02:50:53 PM
If it's a woman's magazine, run and operated by mostly if not all women, and if you had run a similar magazine as their competitor, then what's to keep you from coming on staff as you are and making it clear to the woman who does the hiring that you are in transition? I would think that she would decide to hire you based more on what you are bringing to the company, after all you don't come empty handed and have a wealth of experience, rather than balk at your tween gender status. It would be easier on her and clarify things to her and her staff right up front rather than having to come out later on the job as if you had been fooling them all along and leave them with the impression that you hired in under false pretenses. Having managed a business in the past, that would be the way I'd be looking at it. As long as you can be an asset and help them be profitable, your personal situation isn't important unless you are gross, smell bad or are a detriment to the safety and security of the company.

Yeah hit the nail on the head. Bu how and when do i tell them I am transitioning? How di I let them know that I am a normal person. It would be impossible for them to not know what a transsexual is as they are located in the heart of Philadelphia's Gayborhood and four blocks from the Mazzoni Center. I am bound to run into them near there as I have an appointment with my case manager and bloodwork Friday.

This is what worries me: when i dress as a woman people treat me so so nice and like me or like me too much. I apparently pass very well and am really lucky. When I present as male: the whispers start and people say weird things. I passed as male the other day but not without being called Boy George. I was dressed in normal male clothes.

My mom says I won't get a job because no one will hire me with the way I look. It's really insulting and pisses me off. I was wearing skinny jeans and my boobs were sticking out when she said this so there is that. But it felt like she meant my overall apperance not my dress that day.

The other problem is I am not thinking properly. My BF is treating me weird and not returning my call and brushing me off and it's making me really upset. I mean we have planned for months to move in together as soon as I get a job and now I have the best chance to get one and we could actually do this and he is acting funny. He hasn't even talked to me since i told him but he did have court yesterday so I understand and I know he likes his independence so I feel like if I start acting how I usually act, he will leave me. My ex used to say when I get upset I act just like a girl and it is not on purpose but he is not going to like it. Ugh.

Quote from: Tessa James on August 31, 2013, 03:15:53 PM
Hey Joanna I almost feel like teasing you a little bit but this is serious work to live stuff.  What about those famous civil protections in that fabulous Philly you love?  I agree with other commenters that your presentation matters but we want you to remain out and proud regardless.
I suggest that your skills, confidence and abilities will shine through and make your case.  Would you really wana work there and be in stealth mode?

No i don't want to work in stealth as male that is for sure. That's not why I transitioned. And it simply is not feasible regardless as evryone says the real changes begin after the six month mark and it's been exactly six months. So I prolly will get even more feminine soon and I can see it happening. I'm getting new stretch marks on my boobs, hips, and butt so I know it isn't my imagination. But it's hard to distinguish them.

But I won't lie I don't want to be out and proud. In fact, I just want to get a job as a trans woman long enough to get references and change all my paper work. Then I will move to another city and I will never, ever ever tell anyone, not even any man, that I am a transsexual.

that is actually true! take a look here (http://blogs.phillymag.com/gphilly/2013/05/09/mayor-nutter-sign-phillys-lgbt-equality-bill-afternoon/), philadelphia now has employee protection for adhering to the dress code of one's gender identity.

Joanna forgive me for using the term stealth as I recall we have engaged in discussion about this before and I completely respect your choice about self identity and being out.  I do sense pride and self esteem in your posts and I am just a month behind you in the HRT process.  Yes we experience major and dynamic changes with details that suggest it may still be a challenge for some to fly for life under everyones trans radar?

Best of luck girl, show em what you can do!

Quote from: Tessa James on August 31, 2013, 03:44:24 PM
Joanna forgive me for using the term stealth as I recall we have engaged in discussion about this before and I completely respect your choice about self identity and being out.  I do sense pride and self esteem in your posts and I am just a month behind you in the HRT process. 

No apology necessary lol but yeah i'm pretty proud of myself jk lol well not really.

Buy yeah I just talked to my BF and I am glad I didn't send some overly possessive, psycho chick text which is something that has dogged me for a long time. But he said that he doesn't think I can pass as male. He said there is no way they won't know. He doesn't think there is a thing I can do about it. I feel like I look a lot more femme in person then in pics so you really don't see the whole package. He literally started stumbing with his words when he tried to figure out what i could do and then said no "you have giant tits you can't hide them." lol

I think you should be honest and go as you, a woman. They may be expecting a man but there is no way you will pull that off now. And like others said what about the future if you are hired there?

  The truth will set you free.Be who you really are then you will never have to worry about the future.Also you could bring another dimension to the magazine just a random thought that possibly could be used.I read women's magazines it would be nice to see some articles for us and I would buy it just for that reason.Sell your self not as who you are, but as to the value you can bring to the company.  Hugs  Pat 

Quote from: Bethany Dawn on August 31, 2013, 03:58:14 PM
I think you should be honest and go as you, a woman. They may be expecting a man but there is no way you will pull that off now. And like others said what about the future if you are hired there?

I thought about this but my gut tells me I should present male. I don't know I'm starting to get sick to my stomach at the thought of going. I'm also pretty sure my BF is about to leave me. I have been on hormones for six months, which when I started was my drop dead date for deciding if this was the right path. I mean I know it is but now with this job, my heart breaking, and this whole uncertainty that I have cast over my life it's making me ill. It just feels like I won't get this job and I would've gotten it if I hadn't transitioned and that my broken heart wouldn't be breaking all over again if I hadn't foolishly let someone in, which is only the result of the libido I have acquired thru hormone therapy. But maybe I'm wrong: maybe he won't leave me, maybe I will get the job, and maybe I will live happily ever after. It's a whole lot'a maybes.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 31, 2013, 08:17:42 PM
I thought about this but my gut tells me I should present male. I don't know I'm starting to get sick to my stomach at the thought of going. I'm also pretty sure my BF is about to leave me. I have been on hormones for six months, which when I started was my drop dead date for deciding if this was the right path. I mean I know it is but now with this job, my heart breaking, and this whole uncertainty that I have cast over my life it's making me ill. It just feels like I won't get this job and I would've gotten it if I hadn't transitioned and that my broken heart wouldn't be breaking all over again if I hadn't foolishly let someone in, which is only the result of the libido I have acquired thru hormone therapy. But maybe I'm wrong: maybe he won't leave me, maybe I will get the job, and maybe I will live happily ever after. It's a whole lot'a maybes.

I understand what you mean.  If I really tried, I probably could have found a decent position somewhere in Washington DC this year.  However, I knew that transitioning would have had to be put on the back burner.  For me, that just wasn't an option.  So I stayed where I am and hoped for the best. 

In your case, I think you can aquire the job while continuing to transition.  It isn't easy of course, but it's possible.  I'm sure you pass very well, but couldn't you try putting on a suit and styling your hair in a masculine way?  It really could work.  I do know it's hard to cover the girls (I'm starting to learn that the hard way); nonetheless, dressing in layers could work.  That's why I suggested a sports jacket and sports bra. 

Look job interview are hard enough.  You shouldn't have to worry about your appearance.  Whether you go as yourself or not really isn't all that relevant.  As long as you are presentable to your prospective employer, it won't be an issue.  What kind of magazine is this?  Is it a feminist mag or something more general?  What's their general societal outlook?

As for your boyfriend, don't let it get to you.  If it isn't meant to be, that isn't the end of romance in your life.  In the meantime, don't let unknowns crush you and maintain open communication with him.  Learn about how he feels and don't rely on assumptions. 

Jo

Stop stressing so much and just focus on the task at hand.
Just be you and do the best you can.
You can't do any more.

Is it worth ringing them prior to the interview and having a chat?
Do you have a female suit that could pass as male? Could you get one?
Be truthful to them. It could just make it so much easier.

Anyway from what you say you have everything they want so that is so much more important than anything else.
Be confident, rehearse your answers to questions they might have, and oh be yourself. They don't want to hire some one pretending.
I have done many interviews and have seen unprepared people, nervous people. They don't get the job, simple as that.
I have also see the people interviewing not being prepared. Would I want to work for them? No.

Re the BF side I have no eye deer sorry.

All the best
Jen

Quote from: learningtolive on August 31, 2013, 08:29:33 PM
It really could work.  I do know it's hard to cover the girls (I'm starting to learn that the hard way); nonetheless, dressing in layers could work.  That's why I suggested a sports jacket and sports bra. 

No, I tried the suit on and while it was big on me which emphasizes my being tiny, I passed as male just fine. But i also haven't shaved in days and have no makeup on. I can not not shave for the interview. Now, I don't have to wear foundation but then again, I look a lot better with it on. But I'm not sure how much foundation wil help or hurt. It's the shaving.

But yeah I pass very well as male. I think. Of course, I think this depresses me even more. If I pull the shirt out though and take the tie off I no longer pass and look like a stole my husband's suit. So I'm not sure. I always think I look 100 percent male and then guys hit on me and everyone calls me miss.

The problem is I am not going to wear a suit everyday and if they ask me to take my coat off, boobs. The other thing is my eyebrows. They're extremely feminine.

I'll tell you the truth: I want to be outted as trans and I want them to notice so I don't have to hide. What would be worse then not getting the job, is getting it and having to go to work as male day in and day out. The thought of it makes me want to vomit.

I have no idea. I'll just go, do my best, appear like I am though in a suit.

Quote from: learningtolive on August 31, 2013, 08:29:33 PM
As for your boyfriend, don't let it get to you.  If it isn't meant to be, that isn't the end of romance in your life.  In the meantime, don't let unknowns crush you and maintain open communication with him.  Learn about how he feels and don't rely on assumptions. 

It's not that easy. I feel like I am in love and just the other day everything was so great and we were dancing and holding hands and now, nothing. He emailed me this morning, which was normal and then I don't know. He is hanging out with his stupid friend so I am actually just upset he didn't want to hang out with me. He isn't living in Philly right now for complicated reasons I can't explain but I only see him like once a week and he only texted me yesterday at like midnight saying he was ok or whatever and then he was all cold today. I know when something is wrong. I can feel it. I feel like he is just going to cut me off. End of story. He told me he has done this to other people when they annoy him and that's it. he did this to me once before when we first met and I felt something wrong and he eventually did tell me that he once decided that he doesn't want anything to do with me.

I mean I know he is attracted to me as ya know, it isn't hard to tell when a guy is attracted lol and he told me he always gets boners around me so yeah. The problem is that he is straight and I am ya know not a genetic girl and not post op. It's sooooo frustrating.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 31, 2013, 11:06:57 PM
No, I tried the suit on and while it was big on me which emphasizes my being tiny, I passed as male just fine. But i also haven't shaved in days and have no makeup on. I can not not shave for the interview. Now, I don't have to wear foundation but then again, I look a lot better with it on. But I'm not sure how much foundation wil help or hurt. It's the shaving.

But yeah I pass very well as male. I think. Of course, I think this depresses me even more. If I pull the shirt out though and take the tie off I no longer pass and look like a stole my husband's suit. So I'm not sure. I always think I look 100 percent male and then guys hit on me and everyone calls me miss.

The problem is I am not going to wear a suit everyday and if they ask me to take my coat off, boobs. The other thing is my eyebrows. They're extremely feminine.

I'll tell you the truth: I want to be outted as trans and I want them to notice so I don't have to hide. What would be worse then not getting the job, is getting it and having to go to work as male day in and day out. The thought of it makes me want to vomit.

I have no idea. I'll just go, do my best, appear like I am though in a suit.

It's not that easy. I feel like I am in love and just the other day everything was so great and we were dancing and holding hands and now, nothing. He emailed me this morning, which was normal and then I don't know. He is hanging out with his stupid friend so I am actually just upset he didn't want to hang out with me. He isn't living in Philly right now for complicated reasons I can't explain but I only see him like once a week and he only texted me yesterday at like midnight saying he was ok or whatever and then he was all cold today. I know when something is wrong. I can feel it. I feel like he is just going to cut me off. End of story. He told me he has done this to other people when they annoy him and that's it. he did this to me once before when we first met and I felt something wrong and he eventually did tell me that he once decided that he doesn't want anything to do with me.

I mean I know he is attracted to me as ya know, it isn't hard to tell when a guy is attracted lol and he told me he always gets boners around me so yeah. The problem is that he is straight and I am ya know not a genetic girl and not post op. It's sooooo frustrating.

Well, you could come out after getting the job.  Honestly, I think coming out after the fact are the best option you have.  Keep in mind most interviewers are interested in perceived problems and don't care about your issues.  They want to see why your fit for the job.  I think presenting as female without a matching name is only going to create issues in the interview.  Sure, coming out after the fact is a bit deceptive, but you will have the job.  Having said that, I could be wrong on this.  You are further in your transition that I am, so I can't be too much help.  I can only offer my opinion. 

I don't want to make assumptions about your boyfriend, but he sounds a bit cold if he is willing to drop you like that and rarely finds time for you.  IT doesn't matter if you are trans.  You will find someone who respects you.  Do you feel your boyfriend does?  That's important to know.  If he doesn't, I wouldn't worry about him and would further investigate if that's a relationship worth investing more time in. Again, I don't know everything, so I don't want to make assumptions. Just some food for thought.

By the way, my friend is trans and her boyfriend is always begging her to spend more time together.   Believe me, there are guys out there who will love you for who you are.  It just may take some time to find them.  Though, I do understand the fear.  I'm scared that I'll never find the guy for me.  Why do men have to be so complicated?! >:( ;)

Jo I think that you need to be true to yourself. Do you see yourself as male or female? If female would you feel comfortable enough presenting as male to not have the dysphoria rear it's ugly head? Only you know the answers, we can only give you advice and be here as support. I wish you the best on this interview.

Quote from: Bethany Dawn on August 31, 2013, 11:44:45 PM
Jo I think that you need to be true to yourself. Do you see yourself as male or female? If female would you feel comfortable enough presenting as male to not have the dysphoria rear it's ugly head? Only you know the answers, we can only give you advice and be here as support. I wish you the best on this interview.

Thanks. That's a good question. And one I can't answer. I've been pretty much full time for like three months and i go out and everyone treats me like a woman and I pass enough to meet men who seem to like me, which make me act even more feminine, and I love it and see myself as female but in the end yeah I could go back to being male. I could cut my hair. I would pass as male basically. A femme male but male. I could go back to bars and pick up women and take them home. I could do all that. I just don't think I'd be very happy and I'd most likely need some drugs. Prolly even more then before now that I know how great transitioning is.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on September 01, 2013, 11:58:34 PM
but in the end yeah I could go back to being male. I could cut my hair. I would pass as male basically. A femme male but male. I could go back to bars and pick up women and take them home. I could do all that. I just don't think I'd be very happy and I'd most likely need some drugs. Prolly even more then before now that I know how great transitioning is.

Oh, really? Dear, I think those are delusions. You are much further into the HRT and I suspect that cutting Your hair will make You cry and put You in depression before You even get so far as to hit bars and try picking some chicks up. If You are truly TG/TS - and we both know the answer - as soon as we pass that final milestone there is no turning back. We might call that de-transitioning or make up any other fancy names, but that would be just a pathetic attempt to play another male role in that life long play, where we all usually start our lives - until we make effort to change something. Nope, having tested that Eve's apple, there is no turning back and I cant even imagine what would happen to me if I would allow my system to be run by T. I dont even want to think about, because that makes me shiver.

Btw, after all this fuss here - I am sure we all wanna know how Your job interview went :)

I'm actually pretty sure now that the owner of the magazine is gay. I know she isn't married and I remember my old boss saying something, kind of. I know she wrote a paper in 1988 challenging gender sterotypes and another on lesbians and drinking/bars/dating.

Quote from: -Emily- on September 02, 2013, 02:43:38 AM
Oh, really? Dear, I think those are delusions. You are much further into the HRT and I suspect that cutting Your hair will make You cry and put You in depression before You even get so far as to hit bars and try picking some chicks up. If You are truly TG/TS - and we both know the answer - as soon as we pass that final milestone there is no turning back.

Well that's why I'd need the drugs. And I don't mean marijuana. But that's not going to happen cause I am just going to go and be myself. I'll wear a suit and might trim my hair but it needs to be trimmed. Nothings drastic. I'd take off like a 1/4 inch. I'm not going to hide how feminine I am. I'm not like a flamig or anything but acting any other way is just that an act.

I think being myself is the best path forward because then I'll be smiling and enthusiastic and happy and that's what people want to be around. My BF  said I am very lovable and adorable person so why would I want to hide the one quality that makes people like me. I'm feeling a lot better about it. I don't know if they will notice I am on HRT or not. They will notice I look like a woman and act like one. But it's a 99 percent femle-dominated office. so there's that. I want to fit in.

Plus, it'll be really hard to stop acting like a woman as I have been full-time for three months and I just don't see going back coming off as confident. And that's what you need in an interview: confidence. I mean why can't things go my way? I think they can and I think they will.

But I'll let you know tomorrow at 4 p.m. what happened!

Can't wait, but I know it will go well for you girlfriend!

Thanks. I'm just going to smile, be enthusiastic, and let them know how much I want the job and how I am the most-qualified person for it. The more I look into it, the more socially liberal this compnay seems. It's located in the Gayborhood. That's not an accident. Plus, when I act like myself, people really like me. When I act like a man, people really dislike me. Plus, it's a woman's magazine and going in there acting like a macho man would destroy my chances. The main article in the last tissue was about periods and women's hormones! I might not know much about the former, but I am a self-certified expert on the latter.

I also heavily doubt they are expecting a very manly person. This isn't a job a very manly person would apply for. And they must know how I completely feminized the magazine I worked for. I wrote about fashion and beauty all the time. I imagine they are expecting someone who is feminine or gay, as most cis men don't have a long history of writing about periods and working for women's magazines, not would they want to. I just watched a movie the other day where this guy was continually made fun of for working for a company that promoted women's issues. And he hated it. But I don't. This is bascially a dream come true for me if I get the job. I have literally dreamt that a job would open up there and they'd hire me. Heck, it's in Philly they may even pay for my sex change for the tax breaks. The owner is a lesbian and promoter of gender rights.

I'm soooooooooo excited. I'm not going to be help but smile. Excpet I'll be wearing a suit. how horrid? I am going to look like one of those actresses in those movies where a woman pretends to be a man. I wore the suit and that's how I looked. My face needs to play catch up to my body but my body, except for that one horrible inch, is 100 percent femme. I could do web cam work. In fact, if don't get this job that is what i am going to do. My BF said I could def do it i just need to get my teeth whitened and he is not the type of person to placate someone. he would not tell me I could do it if I could not. He said yeah you def could.

Quote from: learningtolive on August 31, 2013, 11:23:06 PM
I don't want to make assumptions about your boyfriend, but he sounds a bit cold if he is willing to drop you like that and rarely finds time for you.  IT doesn't matter if you are trans.  You will find someone who respects you.  Do you feel your boyfriend does?  That's important to know.  If he doesn't, I wouldn't worry about him and would further investigate if that's a relationship worth investing more time in. Again, I don't know everything, so I don't want to make assumptions. Just some food for thought.

By the way, my friend is trans and her boyfriend is always begging her to spend more time together.

Well everything is good again. really it was me being a crazy chick. All he wanted to do is hang out with his friend and go to a bar. having me there would dampen that. I have to remember I am a girl now, and his girl, so he is going to need space and want guys nights.

I mean the other day we went out to dinner and afterwards we walking around the city holding hands and he even danced with me in the streets and then we slept together, nothing happened other then cuddling and me rubbing his back. But really he treats so nice and respects me and tells me how talented I am and really is very supportive of me. The other day I cut my feet on these ballet flats. I shouldn't have bought them but they didn't have an 8 1/2. Only an * and they ran small. But he was all telling me to change my shoes and got neosporin and stuff. When I was with my ex, I stepped on a piece of glass and she didn't care or do anything. her friend stitched me up. So that says a lot to me: he really cares.

I just need to take it slow. he likes independence. But he talks to me everyday and always makes an effort to call me no matter what. Things will progress at its own pace nautrally. I am going to let it happen. Not force it. Plus, I love him so much and he knows it and though he doesn't say it, the things he does speak otherwise. Actions peak louder then words. Gawd, how strange. With my ex, I said the other thing but meant she said she loves me but doesn't act it. He doesn't say it but acts like it. Really at the end of the day he makes me feel so happy and safe.

well it went well and I think I may get the job. The editor seemed to really like me and the owner told me to send references and asked when I could start. I def passed as a man, how could I not i a suit, i mean really? Though several like more than four or five men stared at me the way men stare at me now. So I dont know what that means. I mean my face is femme but with the suit and all, it hides my body and I would bet some cis girls with short hair could pass in a suit. the one woman in the interview did look at my boobs. the shirt hid them well but I had to take off my suit jacket. I was leaning forward and they rested on the table. Oh well. But it went well. Plus I have another interview with the Buffalo exchange and for that i would stright up go how I dress since I buy my clothes from them. It's a high fashion store that sellls used clothes but only name brands like chanel and so on and so forth. So being trans wouldn't hurt me there.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on September 03, 2013, 03:50:53 PM
well it went well and I think I may get the job. The editor seemed to really like me and the owner told me to send references and asked when I could start. I def passed as a man, how could I not i a suit, i mean really? Though several like more than four or five men stared at me the way men stare at me now. So I dont know what that means. I mean my face is femme but with the suit and all, it hides my body and I would bet some cis girls with short hair could pass in a suit. the one woman in the interview did look at my boobs. the shirt hid them well but I had to take off my suit jacket. I was leaning forward and they rested on the table. Oh well. But it went well. Plus I have another interview with the Buffalo exchange and for that i would stright up go how I dress since I buy my clothes from them. It's a high fashion store that sellls used clothes but only name brands like chanel and so on and so forth. So being trans wouldn't hurt me there.

Sounds like it went well, "how soon can you start" is always an extremely positive sign. We'll keep fingers crossed, let us know!

Jo

It sounds like it went very well.

Interviews are hard to tell. I never assume with them that is unless I am the one interviewing. Then I know halfway through one way or the other.
When can you start is always a positive sign. :)

Did she let you know how long it would be before they made a decision? Always a good question to ask.
The stares are just guys checking out a new face.

Last Job interview I had, I had not even gotten home and they were already on the phone!
Talk about fast.
I have had some go for 15 minutes and I got the job!

Looks like the BF issues was an overactive mind.

Anyway looks like things are looking much better than a few days ago.

Quote from: Jenny07 on September 03, 2013, 07:25:41 PM
The stares are just guys checking out a new face.

To be truthful, I was kinda sorta hoping that I would get gendered female even in a suit. But I got called sir. Maybe someday I'll pass in a suit. Prolly not. Guess my face isn't femme enough.

QuoteI was kinda sorta hoping that I would get gendered female even in a suit.

You never know ;)

Been trying to remember to follow your thread Joanna, and when I checked back it's great to hear the results of your interview.  I'll keep my fingers crossed. 

Sounds like things went swimmingly, I eagerly await news and will cross my fingers for you.

Well they got back to me and I have to take an editing test. And the editor wants my references. So, as long as I do okay on the test, i pretty much have the job. But her exact words were we'd like to move forward and they enjoy'd meeting me. But I'm not breaking out the Champagne just yet.

I just wonder if they noticed anything funny about me. I find kinda hard for them to not notice I'm 30 and have zero facial hair (I plucked it. All of it), I am 130 lbs, and look like a woman. Plus, I just noticed my Google account has a picture of me where I look pretty femme and was gendered female 100 percent of the time. So if I got the job I would be back to the "what do I wear" question? This time a lot harder cause I won't be able to have two shirts on and a suit jacket to cover my boobs. And that didn't even work fully.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on September 04, 2013, 09:28:53 AM
Well they got back to me and I have to take an editing test. And the editor wants my references. So, as long as I do okay on the test, i pretty much have the job. But her exact words were we'd like to move forward and they enjoy'd meeting me. But I'm not breaking out the Champagne just yet.

I just wonder if they noticed anything funny about me. I find kinda hard for them to not notice I'm 30 and have zero facial hair (I plucked it. All of it), I am 130 lbs, and look like a woman. Plus, I just noticed my Google account has a picture of me where I look pretty femme and was gendered female 100 percent of the time. So if I got the job I would be back to the "what do I wear" question? This time a lot harder cause I won't be able to have two shirts on and a suit jacket to cover my boobs. And that didn't even work fully.

Joanna,
       Given all you have said about the company, it's location, the woman who runs it, and the very nature of the business, I think your concerns about looking like a woman or a person in transition will be a moot point. It sounds like you will have the job and fit in there nicely. Don't allow yourself to get overwrought thinking about negative possibilities because you'll be making a mountain out of nothing. Keep us posted, we're all interested in you getting gainfully employed and being a success.

Joanna,
I bet that in spite of saying "Sir" to you, they know what's happening to you (transition).  I've found that people with hiring responsibility have a sixth sense to detect a person's "true colors".  I do not think that your transition would be any surprise to them, and given their market, might generate a few raised eyebrows but little else.  IMHO, this would probably be the best new job to have if one had to "come out" not long after being hired.  Best of luck to you - I hope you get it.

I would have recommended telling them you are in transition before the first interview, but now that you did the first one as male, I don't know exactly what I would do if I were in your shoes.   Safest thing would be to wait at least a while, but I feel like the most honest thing would to just be upfront with them if you feel like they would take it well.

In either case don't go back to trying to be male full-time or anything like that, it would be too hard on you.  If you seem pretty girly maybe it will bring up a conversation eventually where you can explain everything, and why you didn't feel right about disclosing upfront?  I actually am not sure what to tell ya, other than I would just tell them soon as you feel safe it won't cost you the job.

Quote from: Jen on September 04, 2013, 10:36:14 AM
In either case don't go back to trying to be male full-time or anything like that, it would be too hard on you.  If you seem pretty girly maybe it will bring up a conversation eventually where you can explain everything, and why you didn't feel right about disclosing upfront?  I actually am not sure what to tell ya, other than I would just tell them soon as you feel safe it won't cost you the job.

Yeah I don't know what to do. I mean I def come of pretty girly. I think. But the idea of going back to male full time makes me want to vomit. I need the job, so I guess I can go part-time for a bit. Though I am not sure what the dress code is. Part of me feels like they had to notice something was off in that I look like a girl and I act very enthusiastic about things.

I just hope it's not business casual then I would have to wear a button down shirt, dress shoes and slacks. ACK. I don't think it is though. I'm actually kinda hoping they bring it up. I know I saw the one woman who was interviewing me stare at my chest when I leaned over. But she could have wrote it off as the shirt bunching up. But then again by looking at my face and my hair style and overall build, maybe she didn't. If I get hired, I will ask how I should dress and i guess I'll know then. If they know or think something is amiss, they seem like very strong women so I figure they will say something.

What's wrong with just being honest? If anyone asks anything just smile and say you're medically transitioning. How long do you think you can hide it anyway?

Quote from: Isabelle on September 04, 2013, 03:10:12 PM
What's wrong with just being honest? If anyone asks anything just smile and say you're medically transitioning. How long do you think you can hide it anyway?

I can hide until they see me in something that isn't a suit. I put it on: I become a guy. I take it off: I'm a girl again. But really seriously not very long and I'm not sure they don't know already. Certainly not more then a couple more months, and that is if I really butch it up. You're right though I should be honest but I just need this job so bad. If they don't know, I'll prolly wait 6 weeks (that's two issues) and then come out. But i don't know how long I can present as male as it will be a real setback. I really like being full time and detest the thought of going back.

You're better off going normally. And don't wear a suit, for Heaven's sake. On most guys, even, it's bad taste, and unless it's precisely an economist's or politician's job, it comes off as "just too much". Imagine on you.

I've looked for work a lot in the past, back when I was still trying to be a guy or hide the fact that I'm not really one. They were utter failures. Because it was a physical impossibility for me to appear competent or confident when I hated how I looked so much. I'm not saying you're gonna be as complexed as I was, but I would bet that it's going to show somehow.

Really, if you pass well enough, you can just simply not talk about being trans, and look like a girl, and no matter how masculine the name, they won't have a problem. My old name is never ever used for a girl, and it has no close or far female version, yet several people took me for a girl, some saying "oh, I didn't know that name existed for girls." Some people had "Gender: M" in my file and just thought someone had made a mistake basing themself on the name. And mind you, I didn't (and still don't) have any breasts and all that happened before I came out to the general public. I was just dressing androgynous-ish as a result of my decision to try to be as happy as I could until I can transition properly.

I don't see why you can't just go there full girl mode (with some well-applied make-up to add to the picture) and letting them believe away. If they ask anything about your gender, just laugh a little. They'll stop asking, 'cause then they'll feel rude asking something that was taken as a joke since the answer was supposedly so obvious.

Seriously, if being trans can in any way reduce your chances to get the job... you probably shouldn't want the job.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on September 04, 2013, 12:28:33 PM
...I saw the one woman who was interviewing me stare at my chest when I leaned over. But she could have wrote it off as the shirt bunching up. But then again by looking at my face and my hair style and overall build, maybe she didn't.

You are thinking too much.   :)

I was in a similar position at my job.  I was still able to camouflage my shape, in boy mode -- I thought.  But my partner, who works in the same place, told me that she and most of the other women already knew.  And it sounds like that woman interviewing you also knew.  I bet the word is going around, but...

You are in good shape, though, no matter what.  You got the second interview, the edit test.  So the word is going around, and they still want you in for the edit test.  <-- look at it that way.

After that, you get the phone call, "How soon can you start?"  YAY!

That being the case, you could

• just be up front at the edit test -- wear another suit and then take it off to be comfy, then edit like the editing maniac you truly are;  8) or
• be up front after the edit test, if the boss or HR or other supervisor wants to chat about starting work etc.  Wear that suit and take it off on the way into their office, and just be frank.  City of Brotherly Love having a municipal code on gender, just let them know what your situation is.  Sounds like they'll be able to handle it.
• OR, when they call you to offer the job, discuss it openly.

I think you could have been open to start with, as Shantel said, but you can also be open now.  In general, I think you have to be open about it.

For me, it became very difficult, as I got larger on top, and I was binding!  YOUCH.  But as things worked out, my boss was great and comfortable with me in transition at work.  It was incredible to dress for comfort at last.  I hope you get to the same stage, Joanna!

Congrats Joanna.  Now that you have the job, I would feel more comfortable about presenting as you.  Just let the people in charge know after starting and establishing yourself in the position.   It may seem deceptive to tell after the fact, but it's probably the best scenario.  Hiring Managers may question whether someone transitioning would fit into their plans.  For example, they may assume you will be going for a few surgeries that year.  Well, that takes time and they may need someone to work a hectic schedule.  They may have certain delusions about hormones and think you will be emotional/mental issues to address.  All of these things could make them judge you before you get in.  Same thing with an interview.  If you tell them at that point, they may start to focus on your personal life rather than your qualifications.  That's not what anyone wants for an interview.  So I think you did the right thing. 

Quote from: A on September 04, 2013, 06:41:14 PM
You're better off going normally. And don't wear a suit, for Heaven's sake. On most guys, even, it's bad taste, and unless it's precisely an economist's or politician's job, it comes off as "just too much". Imagine on you.

I've looked for work a lot in the past, back when I was still trying to be a guy or hide the fact that I'm not really one. They were utter failures. Because it was a physical impossibility for me to appear competent or confident when I hated how I looked so much. I'm not saying you're gonna be as complexed as I was, but I would bet that it's going to show somehow.

Really, if you pass well enough, you can just simply not talk about being trans, and look like a girl, and no matter how masculine the name, they won't have a problem. My old name is never ever used for a girl, and it has no close or far female version, yet several people took me for a girl, some saying "oh, I didn't know that name existed for girls." Some people had "Gender: M" in my file and just thought someone had made a mistake basing themself on the name. And mind you, I didn't (and still don't) have any breasts and all that happened before I came out to the general public. I was just dressing androgynous-ish as a result of my decision to try to be as happy as I could until I can transition properly.

I don't see why you can't just go there full girl mode (with some well-applied make-up to add to the picture) and letting them believe away. If they ask anything about your gender, just laugh a little. They'll stop asking, 'cause then they'll feel rude asking something that was taken as a joke since the answer was supposedly so obvious.

Seriously, if being trans can in any way reduce your chances to get the job... you probably shouldn't want the job.

Suits are a good idea in the right position.  It may be overkill at times, but it helps maintain a professional image.  I would say a suit is appropriate for an editorial job with a magazine.

P.S.  Politics is much more casual than one may expect.  You should see what most campaign staffers wear on a daily basis.  Outside of media events and important public rallies, attire is fairly informal; though they earn it when you factor in the insane hours that are required.  Having said that, things are more formal in government offices, but a suit isn't always necessary. 

Quote from: learningtolive on September 05, 2013, 01:08:35 PM
...they may assume you will be going for a few surgeries that year.  Well, that takes time and they may need someone to work a hectic schedule.

Let's hope they are not such tools of discrimination.  I am guessing that would be illegal.

Quote from: learningtolive on September 05, 2013, 01:08:35 PM
...They may have certain delusions about hormones...

Oh, good gravy!  :o That would be ludicrous discrimination, too.  Didn't you read her description of the company?  They're not exactly an NFL training center, filled with clueless macho types! They sound like they'll be quite reasonable and gracious, no matter when Joanna decides to fill them in on the situation.

The sooner, the better.  That is something I have learned.  The sooner you can act as if you are truly proud of your shape, the healthier your brainwaves will be. 

So, Joanna, whenever you decide, I am for you!!

And I hope those folks up there hire you aboard, so you can start blazing new trails in publishing greatness!!!  8)

Quote from: learningtolive on September 05, 2013, 01:08:35 PM
Congrats Joanna.  Now that you have the job, I would feel more comfortable about presenting as you.  Just let the people in charge know after starting and establishing yourself in the position.   It may seem deceptive to tell after the fact, but it's probably the best scenario.  Hiring Managers may question whether someone transitioning would fit into their plans.  For example, they may assume you will be going for a few surgeries that year.

Get out of my head Molly. I'm calling you Molly now jk lol LTL. But how did you know I got the job! Because they just told me at 4:16 p.m. Or as I call it the day where it again became possible for me to get SRS and move in with my BF. But even if that doesn't happen I realized the other day that some boys really like me so it I don't have to worry about being alone anymore.

But I just can't believe it. I have not had full-time employment since August 2011. Since then my life has been a nightmare of epic proportions until I took charge, took my mom's advice and did what needed to be done. She wasn't aware that meant changing sex but now I am rambling. I'm just so freaking happy. I don't have to worry about grad school, I'm 30 and I love being a journalist that was just kinda because my career was dead.

So this year, I not only beat a heroin habit, I also transitioned, got a boyfriend, came out to my family, and now resurrected my comatose career. So, I know people say hormones are not magick, but they are pretty darn close in my case. They transformed my entire life. I can't believe this is happening! This is literally my dream job as it is the same as my old job. And I loved that job. I loveloveloved it. But I especially liked working with my old boss as a team and hated when she left even though I got a raise. But now I will be working with another woman in the same way, doing the same thing: putting together a woman's magazine. it's just me and her.

Happy dance for Joanna!  :D

Congrats Joanna,
Terrific news for you and also no doubt very encouraging for a lot of other people here. Way to go!
Donna

All the stress from last week is now gone. Congratulations

Now go get them and do yourself proud!

LOL so happy for our Joanna! I knew it was going to happen as you began to describe the job, the environment and the woman, it was your job from the get go just waiting for you to show up. Way to go hon!

Quote from: Joanna Dark on September 05, 2013, 09:20:22 PM
Get out of my head Molly. I'm calling you Molly now jk lol LTL. But how did you know I got the job! Because they just told me at 4:16 p.m. Or as I call it the day where it again became possible for me to get SRS and move in with my BF. But even if that doesn't happen I realized the other day that some boys really like me so it I don't have to worry about being alone anymore.

But I just can't believe it. I have not had full-time employment since August 2011. Since then my life has been a nightmare of epic proportions until I took charge, took my mom's advice and did what needed to be done. She wasn't aware that meant changing sex but now I am rambling. I'm just so freaking happy. I don't have to worry about grad school, I'm 30 and I love being a journalist that was just kinda because my career was dead.

So this year, I not only beat a heroin habit, I also transitioned, got a boyfriend, came out to my family, and now resurrected my comatose career. So, I know people say hormones are not magick, but they are pretty darn close in my case. They transformed my entire life. I can't believe this is happening! This is literally my dream job as it is the same as my old job. And I loved that job. I loveloveloved it. But I especially liked working with my old boss as a team and hated when she left even though I got a raise. But now I will be working with another woman in the same way, doing the same thing: putting together a woman's magazine. it's just me and her.

How did I know?  Because I'm just awesome like that! :D

Congrats, I'm really happy everything worked out.   It sounds like everything is falling into place.  :)

Congratulations.  I think the entire group of forum members were behind you.  I know I was saying a prayer.  All the best!

Quote from: Christine167 on September 05, 2013, 09:37:08 PM
Happy dance for Joanna!  :D

Yep, one of those. Definitely one of those.