Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I mean don't get me wrong I'm happy for the ones who are becoming men and its know physically showing like any other male, But it bothers me also especially the ones who have supportive families which I'm lacking horribly right know, I don't know it's just bother, Its becaus I know some guys here have started T and are happy about it and have loving girlfriends and supportive families :-\

I don't, really. I do have jealousy when I compare my transition against others. Like, where I was after 1 year on testosterone vs where some other guy was in his transition after 1 year on testosterone. Generally speaking, I was significantly slower in the social transition and physical transition department compared against others.

It took being on hormones for maybe 2 years before I was seen as male regularly where as many guys only need 6 months to a year.

I don't see why another mans transition would bother you. Their transition has not effect on your life at all? Another man having love and support bothers you? Would you rather everyone suffer as much as they can? Every mans struggle is different and you know I am glad some guys have loving supportive friends and family because I know how not having these supports makes a hard situation that much worse.

I'm envious, but at the same time I'm glad because it gives me hope that someday I'll look as good as they do, it will just take some more time.  Or so I tell myself.

I'm not jealous. I'm happy for anyone who has support, especially a supportive family. I had to move to a country thousands of miles away to be away from my family to transition. But I don't let that affect my happiness for others who do have support from their family. I wouldn't wish my situation on others, and i already know there's others in the same boat so I don't even want others to go through the same thing just to have commonality. It's already well out there.  Everyone has their own issues and they won't describe every one. There's plenty of folk on this forum that don't have supportive parents but this forum is here for people who need to interact and need support in some form or another, or have the desire to support others even if they don't especially need it themselves. If we were all jealous and secretly spiteful of one another whenever another person has something positive in their life that we don't, then the forum really wouldn't work so well.

I have some support, but for the most part I'm on my own when it comes to transition. I go to my appointments alone, I take care of myself alone, and I motivate myself alone. That's pretty much been my life. I'm not entirely sure if it's a good thing, but I'm used to it and it's 'normal' for me. I work hard to cut toxic people out of my circle so I don't have anyone specific that will drag me down. Sometimes attitudes bother me, though.
I do get frustrated and envious of other men who have a better body and more self control than I do. I battle with food addiction and lack of self control on a daily basis, and the illusion (because who really knows besides them?) that other men have it easier does bother me. I also get frustrated when I watch youtube videos and the trans guys have really doting spouses/partners who are active in their transition. I'm married, and he's supportive, but he's not interested in learning about or helping me with my transition. I actively worry how I'm going to take care of myself after top surgery, because I really don't believe he'll be very helpful and supportive. That's just not the kind of person he is.

Quote from: Brandon on September 09, 2013, 12:13:28 AM
I mean don't get me wrong I'm happy for the ones who are becoming men and its know physically showing like any other male, But it bothers me also especially the ones who have supportive families which I'm lacking horribly right know, I don't know it's just bother, Its becaus I know some guys here have started T and are happy about it and have loving girlfriends and supportive families :-\

Yes 100%.  To be honest, I am extremely jealous of every single guy here who is in their transition right now, no matter what stage.  I get even more jealous of the guys that have supportive families and girlfriends.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, but I know how it feels to seem like all of the good things will happen to everyone else but you.  I know how you feel about not having a supportive family.  I come from a Christian family and I know for a fact none of them will be supportive of me because of that.  People try to tell me "oh well, just give it time.  They may not be supportive now but they may in the future."  I think I know my family well enough that they will never support me.  As far as the girlfriend situation goes, I do get really down about that, because I do want to get married one day.  At times I wonder what the secret to some of these guys having supportive friends, families, and partners.

Despite all of that, I am deeply greatful for how far I've come since a year or two ago and I count my blessings.  I am thankful for being able to find an online gender therapist that I was able to pay out of pocket for (with only needing one more session to get my letter).  There are many guys out there who can't even afford gender therapy with insurance.  I'm thankful that I was able to buy a packer.  Some guys can't even buy one.  More importantly, I am deeply greatful to have internet in order to access this wonderful support site.  Some guys can't even get access to the internet.

What also keeps me going is having a plan, and knowing where I want to be within the next few years, and knowing what I need to do to execute that plan.  Heck some guys don't even have a plan.  However, a lot of the guys on T and transitioning here had a plan.  Throughout my two years being on this site, I've witnessed some of these guys busting their butt to get where they needed to be.  The blood, sweat, and tears some of these guys gave in order to reach their goals could fill up a swimming pool, and I respect them for that.  Except for the few guys that are blessed to have some sort of inheritance or other finacial blessing come their way, many of the guys here did not have their transition just fall in their lap, and I don't expect mine to fall in my lap either.

Also, I am a man of faith.  That's more important to me than transitioning for obvious faith-based reasons.  For me personally, what good is transitioning if I lost my soul?  When it comes to that, I don't give a second-thought about other's guy's transitions.  I won't go too deep into that since this isn't the spirituality forum, but I know that faith comforts me, since I'm not in transition at the moment.  I also know that faith will help guide me when I am ready to transition, because I can't do it without that faith (well I could, but I'm not).  Everything in it's appropriate timing perhaps.  Judging from your previous posts, you seem to be a man of faith too.  Use that to your advantage.

As for being single, well yeah that sucks, and oftentimes I do get lonely.  However, I'm not seeking out a girlfriend right now.  At this time, I'm focusing on myself.  It's the best thing I can do right now, getting to know myself through this process while I have this time to do so.  Again, being a man of faith, perhaps I may have a future wife in the appropriate timing, but I need to know myself before that happens.  Otherwise, it will be more difficult to take care of my wife.

I'm not too sure how this got so long, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in your feelings.  Keep your head up man, for you aren't walking this journey by yourself.

I'm only jealous of the boys who have started hormone blockers at 10 and testosterone at 14 or something like that :P I'm jealous that their families are that awesome and that they dont need top surgery at all! But at the same time, I am really really happy for them  ;D

I admit that before I was on T or able to transition, I felt a certain amount of envy and even jealousy towards guys on T/guys having top surgery/guys having bottom surgery, etc.  It's not easy being trans* - and for those who have little support or to whom it seems transition will never happen, seeing other guys having all of their dreams come true can certainly hurt. 

I know that I feel that way about other aspects of my life at times - people who have their own homes, nice cars, managerial positions, etc.  I have come a long way overriding and rising above those feelings, especially towards other trans* guys, but from time to time it comes back and I feel that little niggle.  But being able to start my transition was surreal because for so many years it felt like it would never happen - and now I look at guys not yet on T and see myself three or four years ago.  I have a greater understanding of what they're going through having gone through it myself - and I think that it's pretty normal to feel envy and even jealousy, especially when you're in the early stages of self-acceptance or self-exploration.

I didn't have support for the first few years of transition, and had to move out and do things on my own. I was extremely jealous of others, especially those who began their transition after me and I felt were ahead of me, and yes, of those with girlfriends too.

Once I started to settle into how things were going for me, and I had more progression for my own personal transition, the jealousy started to calm down. As logically as you can think about it at the time, i.e their life has no bearing on yours, and its better not to compare etc etc, it doesn't necessarily help your emotions at the time. But once you start to move forward in your own life and feel happier with how things are going, you see and feel things differently. Im not jealous anymore, Im happy how things are going for me, and you feel much more separated from anyone elses transition (I don't know if that's because Im only involved in the "community" through this site) but you find it easier to focus on the positives in your own life, rather than highlighting the negatives by comparing and glossing over what you should be grateful for.

I hope things soon improve for you and the way that you feel about things :)

I was for the longest time, and it's only really recently gone away. Like Nygeel, I seemed to move slower in terms of social and physical transition and it made me jealous and resentful because all I wanted was to be myself just like everyone else. But now I'm almost 17 months on T, I pass much better (well, that was easy considering I never passed at all, but now I pass almost all the time). I think my envy was also me just feeling like a "wannabe" next to other guys, both cis and transitioned men. My worst fear was that everyone around me thought "who is "she" kidding?" I actually thought about it this morning on the bus, cause I saw a man who was well-built, wearing dress clothes like mine, and taller than me. But instead of feeling like I was a "wannabe" in comparison, I actually thought "eh, it's just another guy." I didn't feel so insecure about my big belly or my short stature because next to him, I was just another guy, you know? That was definitely a huge step for me.

Sometimes I feel jealous of guys who have gotten things done earlier(blockers to prevent female puberty, got to live most of their lives as male etc) but then I just feel...indifferent for the most part. My life turned out the way it did, so I have to do the best with it and just take care of myself.

While I can see the allure of jealousy toward the guys who got to start their transition during their normal puberty, at the same time I feel like I benefited the most by growing up female. I've got some pretty amazing memories to hold onto for as long as I can that I would have totally missed out on had I been able to do things different.

I used to wish and be jelous of people who transitioned earlyer but not anymore. I consider myself lucky compared to many. I did transition pretty early, I only know 2 people who have transitioned earlyer than me speaking homones but not social. only thing somethimes pass my mind is if I had transitioned earlyer if my hips would had been smaller but theres no provement of that.

famely acceptence on the other hand makes me jelous, My famely is not that unacceptable actually, they do use my name and more or less right pronouce (they tend to shift between he and she) but still I dont feel there accepting of the activism and thing who goes to nonbinary. I know transguys who are very out in media and everything where there famely is totally okay with it but in my famely it abit drama and general your not suposed to "expose your sexualety".

Related:

Trans people with families that are genuinely supportive are so flippin' fortunate. Although my transition has been incredibly slow and stressful, having supportive family members would've made it a million times easier.

Quote from: Malachite on September 09, 2013, 01:20:37 AM
Yes 100%.  To be honest, I am extremely jealous of every single guy here who is in their transition right now, no matter what stage.  I get even more jealous of the guys that have supportive families and girlfriends.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, but I know how it feels to seem like all of the good things will happen to everyone else but you.  I know how you feel about not having a supportive family.  I come from a Christian family and I know for a fact none of them will be supportive of me because of that.  People try to tell me "oh well, just give it time.  They may not be supportive now but they may in the future."  I think I know my family well enough that they will never support me.  As far as the girlfriend situation goes, I do get really down about that, because I do want to get married one day.  At times I wonder what the secret to some of these guys having supportive friends, families, and partners.

Despite all of that, I am deeply greatful for how far I've come since a year or two ago and I count my blessings.  I am thankful for being able to find an online gender therapist that I was able to pay out of pocket for (with only needing one more session to get my letter).  There are many guys out there who can't even afford gender therapy with insurance.  I'm thankful that I was able to buy a packer.  Some guys can't even buy one.  More importantly, I am deeply greatful to have internet in order to access this wonderful support site.  Some guys can't even get access to the internet.

What also keeps me going is having a plan, and knowing where I want to be within the next few years, and knowing what I need to do to execute that plan.  Heck some guys don't even have a plan.  However, a lot of the guys on T and transitioning here had a plan.  Throughout my two years being on this site, I've witnessed some of these guys busting their butt to get where they needed to be.  The blood, sweat, and tears some of these guys gave in order to reach their goals could fill up a swimming pool, and I respect them for that.  Except for the few guys that are blessed to have some sort of inheritance or other finacial blessing come their way, many of the guys here did not have their transition just fall in their lap, and I don't expect mine to fall in my lap either.

Also, I am a man of faith.  That's more important to me than transitioning for obvious faith-based reasons.  For me personally, what good is transitioning if I lost my soul?  When it comes to that, I don't give a second-thought about other's guy's transitions.  I won't go too deep into that since this isn't the spirituality forum, but I know that faith comforts me, since I'm not in transition at the moment.  I also know that faith will help guide me when I am ready to transition, because I can't do it without that faith (well I could, but I'm not).  Everything in it's appropriate timing perhaps.  Judging from your previous posts, you seem to be a man of faith too.  Use that to your advantage.

As for being single, well yeah that sucks, and oftentimes I do get lonely.  However, I'm not seeking out a girlfriend right now.  At this time, I'm focusing on myself.  It's the best thing I can do right now, getting to know myself through this process while I have this time to do so.  Again, being a man of faith, perhaps I may have a future wife in the appropriate timing, but I need to know myself before that happens.  Otherwise, it will be more difficult to take care of my wife.

I'm not too sure how this got so long, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in your feelings.  Keep your head up man, for you aren't walking this journey by yourself.

On point exactly, Its so fustrating, Atleast the not having support part because other transguys may not even know how that feels, And I know for a fact that my family is gonna accept me to conservitive, Im a young man of faith also

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on September 09, 2013, 05:38:13 AM
I admit that before I was on T or able to transition, I felt a certain amount of envy and even jealousy towards guys on T/guys having top surgery/guys having bottom surgery, etc.  It's not easy being trans* - and for those who have little support or to whom it seems transition will never happen, seeing other guys having all of their dreams come true can certainly hurt. 

I know that I feel that way about other aspects of my life at times - people who have their own homes, nice cars, managerial positions, etc.  I have come a long way overriding and rising above those feelings, especially towards other trans* guys, but from time to time it comes back and I feel that little niggle.  But being able to start my transition was surreal because for so many years it felt like it would never happen - and now I look at guys not yet on T and see myself three or four years ago.  I have a greater understanding of what they're going through having gone through it myself - and I think that it's pretty normal to feel envy and even jealousy, especially when you're in the early stages of self-acceptance or self-exploration.

That's true

Well coming from one of the guys you are jealous of (supportive parents and completed medical transition before my 18th birthday), i can understand completely and i don't think you are wrong to feel jealous. I even feel that way sometimes about guys who transitioned before puberty and got to go on blockers. I try not to mention my smooth transition unless asked so I don't upset people or have them resent me.
Try to remember that just because this one aspect of their life went smoothly, doesn't mean they have a perfect life. I know it's easier said than done but keep in mind that jealousy will not change your situation.

Quote from: thatboyfresh on September 09, 2013, 12:29:51 AM
I don't see why another mans transition would bother you. Their transition has not effect on your life at all? Another man having love and support bothers you? Would you rather everyone suffer as much as they can? Every mans struggle is different and you know I am glad some guys have loving supportive friends and family because I know how not having these supports makes a hard situation that much worse.

I'm still young though so it's only natural, I have 0 support what so ever my family acts like the transgender thing doesn't exist literally

Quote from: mangoslayer on September 09, 2013, 02:05:01 PM
Well coming from one of the guys you are jealous of (supportive parents and completed medical transition before my 18th birthday), i can understand completely and i don't think you are wrong to feel jealous. I even feel that way sometimes about guys who transitioned before puberty and got to go on blockers. I try not to mention my smooth transition unless asked so I don't upset people or have them resent me.
Try to remember that just because this one aspect of their life went smoothly, doesn't mean they have a perfect life. I know it's easier said than done but keep in mind that jealousy will not change your situation.

i understand that but you don't understand my situation because you have support, No one has a perfect life but the guys who have transitioned have happier lives, Unlile mine which is pure hell, Because I know for a fact my mom will never see me as her son

In the very beginning (I started at 17 and am almost 32 now) I had some jealousy issues but it's normal for people to feel that way when they see someone else living the life they want. Now with a bit of age on me I don't get jealous at all. I tend to think "well, good for him" and I see every medical transition as a success for our community.

As far as family, yeah that is a tough situation to be in. Took a lot of years for me to gain acceptance from anyone and even now it's few and far between, but that is ok. Everyone has their own opinions and life to live. I'd rather people be honest with me than to fake acceptance just to whisper amongst themselves behind my back.

Relationships are tough. February will be 10 years with my current girlfriend and we're planning on getting wed. There have been a lot of trials in that decade. There are plenty of times I wish I would have remained single and focused on myself before getting into a serious relationship with anyone. Transition takes a toll on both parties involved. Medical transition can be a very selfish time when someone is focusing on themselves so much that everyone else ends up being neglected. It's not intentional but it happens. If I had it to do over again I would have put myself first and then focused on love later. Just because a transguy is in a relationship doesn't mean they're better off at the time.

Quote from: Si on September 09, 2013, 04:26:45 PM
In the very beginning (I started at 17 and am almost 32 now) I had some jealousy issues but it's normal for people to feel that way when they see someone else living the life they want. Now with a bit of age on me I don't get jealous at all. I tend to think "well, good for him" and I see every medical transition as a success for our community.

As far as family, yeah that is a tough situation to be in. Took a lot of years for me to gain acceptance from anyone and even now it's few and far between, but that is ok. Everyone has their own opinions and life to live. I'd rather people be honest with me than to fake acceptance just to whisper amongst themselves behind my back.

Relationships are tough. February will be 10 years with my current girlfriend and we're planning on getting wed. There have been a lot of trials in that decade. There are plenty of times I wish I would have remained single and focused on myself before getting into a serious relationship with anyone. Transition takes a toll on both parties involved. Medical transition can be a very selfish time when someone is focusing on themselves so much that everyone else ends up being neglected. It's not intentional but it happens. If I had it to do over again I would have put myself first and then focused on love later. Just because a transguy is in a relationship doesn't mean they're better off at the time.

I didn't say that, But again I have 0 support, And If a girl fell madly lin lov with me Im pretty sure sh would support me rather than friends who really don't care about you

Quote from: Brandon on September 09, 2013, 04:30:51 PM

I didn't say that, But again I have 0 support, And If a girl fell madly lin lov with me Im pretty sure sh would support me rather than friends who really don't care about you

You ask for opinions and how other people feel. That is what I stated...MY opinions and life experiences. Your own mileage may vary.

Being in love is a complicated emotion. Over the span of a long term relationship emotions tend to go up and down. Medical transition can put a strain on even the best of relationships, regardless if the partner supports the one transitioning or not. That is all I was saying.

Quote from: Si on September 09, 2013, 04:41:23 PM
You ask for opinions and how other people feel. That is what I stated...MY opinions and life experiences. Your own mileage may vary.

Being in love is a complicated emotion. Over the span of a long term relationship emotions tend to go up and down. Medical transition can put a strain on even the best of relationships, regardless if the partner supports the one transitioning or not. That is all I was saying.

I agree this Is why alot of times I feel like I will never find a woman because all the transitioning and surgery

Quote from: Brandon on September 09, 2013, 04:44:31 PM

I agree this Is why alot of times I feel like I will never find a woman because all the transitioning and surgery

You will, it just takes time. I have an uncle who was in his 40's before he found his wife, wed, and had kids. It was good for him in the end though because he didn't settle for just anyone. A lot of people grasp onto anyone who will have them when they're young and end up miserable when they're older. That is why it's good to take your time at relationships.

I'm not trying to demean you when I say you're young, it's just a fact. As much as you're jealous of guys who are medically transitioning, I can say I have a tinge of envy because of your youth. You have your whole life ahead of you with unlimited possibilities. 

Quote from: Si on September 09, 2013, 05:21:36 PM
You will, it just takes time. I have an uncle who was in his 40's before he found his wife, wed, and had kids. It was good for him in the end though because he didn't settle for just anyone. A lot of people grasp onto anyone who will have them when they're young and end up miserable when they're older. That is why it's good to take your time at relationships.

I'm not trying to demean you when I say you're young, it's just a fact. As much as you're jealous of guys who are medically transitioning, I can say I have a tinge of envy because of your youth. You have your whole life ahead of you with unlimited possibilities.

That's also true

I'm jealous.

Happy for all of them, but jealous of where they are now. I know I'm never going to be there now, not because I'll never get hormones but because my body is working against me being able to build up muscle and hold itself together. I'm painfully jealous when it comes to these things, because testosterone might give me a fighting chance at strengthening my ligaments so I don't lose part of my functionality in my left arm like I have my right. That left arm is my good arm, I need it. I want to walk outside my house in a t-shirt with nothing underneath it. Granted, I've been given a relatively smaller chest, but it isn't flat how it should be and I resent that so much. It makes me jealous, therefore, seeing guys with shirtless pics, especially seeing those with little to no scarring. I live in fear that estrogen is going to give me a larger chest like my female family members have, which would completely ruin any hope I'm hanging onto about getting peri or something. DI would leave huge scars on a normal guy (sometimes even with plenty of post-op care), and I scar badly due to my condition. I'm jealous seeing name and sex change forms being filled out and approved, because every time I see my current name and sex on paper or have someone call me by them, it makes me nauseous to no end.

Most of all, I get jealous when I come across acceptance. Of course it makes me elated that someone is welcomed into their family as the male that they are, but at the same time it stirs up angry, bitter feelings towards everything. My parents are horribly immature about the subject, and while my mother throws temper tantrums at the very mention of it, if I even get slightly offended by their transphobic remarks, I'm being "psychotic" and need to be locked up in a padded cell.

So yeah, I get how you feel.

Quote from: Liminal Stranger on September 09, 2013, 05:42:37 PM
I'm jealous.

Happy for all of them, but jealous of where they are now. I know I'm never going to be there now, not because I'll never get hormones but because my body is working against me being able to build up muscle and hold itself together. I'm painfully jealous when it comes to these things, because testosterone might give me a fighting chance at strengthening my ligaments so I don't lose part of my functionality in my left arm like I have my right. That left arm is my good arm, I need it. I want to walk outside my house in a t-shirt with nothing underneath it. Granted, I've been given a relatively smaller chest, but it isn't flat how it should be and I resent that so much. It makes me jealous, therefore, seeing guys with shirtless pics, especially seeing those with little to no scarring. I live in fear that estrogen is going to give me a larger chest like my female family members have, which would completely ruin any hope I'm hanging onto about getting peri or something. DI would leave huge scars on a normal guy (sometimes even with plenty of post-op care), and I scar badly due to my condition. I'm jealous seeing name and sex change forms being filled out and approved, because every time I see my current name and sex on paper or have someone call me by them, it makes me nauseous to no end.

Most of all, I get jealous when I come across acceptance. Of course it makes me elated that someone is welcomed into their family as the male that they are, but at the same time it stirs up angry, bitter feelings towards everything. My parents are horribly immature about the subject, and while my mother throws temper tantrums at the very mention of it, if I even get slightly offended by their transphobic remarks, I'm being "psychotic" and need to be locked up in a padded cell.

So yeah, I get how you feel.

Exactly how I feel, On point

I'm sure that I would have if I had known any pre-transition, or didn't have the supportive family I have who helped me along in my transition as soon as I came out. 

I mostly am jealous of normal dudes.  I wasn't a man-hating lesbian, but I feel myself slowly drifting into being a man-hating transman.  Though I am consciously attempting to stop this drift.

Quote from: GnomeKid on September 09, 2013, 06:37:08 PM
I'm sure that I would have if I had known any pre-transition, or didn't have the supportive family I have who helped me along in my transition as soon as I came out. 

I mostly am jealous of normal dudes.  I wasn't a man-hating lesbian, but I feel myself slowly drifting into being a man-hating transman.  Though I am consciously attempting to stop this drift.

Im really jealous of normal guys

Quote from: Brandon on September 09, 2013, 02:08:55 PM
i understand that but you don't understand my situation because you have support, No one has a perfect life but the guys who have transitioned have happier lives, Unlile mine which is pure hell, Because I know for a fact my mom will never see me as her son

I may not understand your exact situation, but i do understand being jealous which is what I meant. But you can't say that I have a happier life than you just because I have transitioned. (unless you mean happier life than before I transitioned, which is true). Everyone has crappy stuff in their life and just because someone has transitioned doesn't mean they don't have a whole bunch of other stuff on their shoulders.

Quote from: mangoslayer on September 09, 2013, 09:10:42 PM
I may not understand your exact situation, but i do understand being jealous which is what I meant. But you can't say that I have a happier life than you just because I have transitioned. (unless you mean happier life than before I transitioned, which is true). Everyone has crappy stuff in their life and just because someone has transitioned doesn't mean they don't have a whole bunch of other stuff on their shoulders.

No you don't understand the support thing at all, Yea the jealous part,  My mom will never see me as or call me her son you have no idea how that feels, That just makes transitioning even harder because I'm gonna be alone through all of it

Quote from: Brandon on September 09, 2013, 09:53:17 PM
No you don't understand the support thing at all, Yea the jealous part,  My mom will never see me as or call me her son you have no idea how that feels, That just makes transitioning even harder because I'm gonna be alone through all of it

Hey Brandon,

There's been guys here who've been disowned by their families after coming out, so there are guys who can relate to how you feel. I understand what you're saying in the part I bolded in the quote. It is scary thinking or knowing that you'll be rejected by those you care about, there's the constant pull between doing what makes other people happy and doing what makes you happy. There's no easy answer, and no matter what you do things can be difficult.

As the saying goes "you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends." If your family doesn't accept you, sometimes, unfortunately, you just have to move on with your life despite how difficult that can be; or you can choose to be the bigger person and show them unconditional love despite them not accepting you, and hopefully over time their views will change.

In the meantime, you don't have to be alone if your family does not accept you. You can make friends with people who are trans friendly, and share your transition experiences with them. Often, going through a hard time and sharing it with your friends can make those friends become like a family to you.

I truly can relate to how you feel.

Nirbhao, nirvair
Henry  :)

Who wouldn't get jealous over a thing like this, it's just human nature. But then again that doesn't mean you can't be happy for those who are further into their transition or done with it.
For me it's not that big of a deal anymore, being on T and post-op but it wasn't that long ago when I was pre-everything and jealous of those who had started T and most of all of those who had their top surgery done. It's still kinda hard for me to believe that someone could be jealous of my progress in trasitioning these days.
But now I'm more jealous of those who've had all the surgeries they want done and have had their social security number changed. It's about being able to finally live to the fullest without having your life being interrupted by surgeries and all that jazz.

It's always sad to read/hear/see trans people who don't have their family's support, they can really say or do the meanest things that seriously hurt. Sometimes that happens even when the family is supporting...
My family didn't shun me or anything, they're supporting me through all this (counting out my grandmother, she doesn't really understand what's going on and whatnot) but to me that makes it even worse to hear my old name. The worst example of this was at my mom and stepdad's wedding where the name tag on the table had my old name on it (my name hadn't officially changed back then but I was already going by my current name). It felt like the rug had been pulled away underneath me. Kinda like they say this but do that instead, y'know. Not very nice.

Yea I agree with what your saying

Quote from: androidnick on September 10, 2013, 05:20:06 PM
Your time will come. At one point I had a falling out with a friend of mine because I had been going through the process of transition for 2 years and after 2 months he was on T.

Even now that I am on T I freak out that changes aren't coming even though they are and I feel like time is passing by so slow. But yeah. I can't say time will fly by for you. But eventually your time will come. Make a diary/journal. Document your transition. Maybe make a YouTube account. And begin the social transition outside of home so that you can speed up the process when you go to a therapist. It sucks right now but you will find happiness.

Yea that's true I do have a youtube account alreafy, So when I start I can document it, But I agree it will

Quote from: androidnick on September 10, 2013, 05:46:53 PM
You don't have to be on t to document your transition. Plenty of guys talk about their experience beforehand. It can help

Oh I didn't know that

Quote from: androidnick on September 10, 2013, 06:20:17 PM
Yep. And aside from everything. There are guys who never go on T. And they feel transitioned with either just surgery or whatever feels comfortable for them. So no one is stopping you from making videos about how you feel. How you know you are tra
ns, etc. I think someone good for you to watch would be this guy.
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9JFuxIKdCzsRE9rY1E015Q (Ezra)

And this kid is also really young and still not on T.
http://www.youtube.com/user/YoungLove10412?feature=watch

They have a collab channel on Youtube with guys all around the same age. you may benefit from watching them.
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5DFe8qPD4Dhpbi_09MCTew?feature=c4-feed-c

I didn't think of that

I am on T and all but I find that youtube is a very supportive environment. You might not think that as there are nasty comments that you see, but really I haven't had that problem. The worse thing I get is sometimes people dislike my videos. I don't really like this as I don't understand it. I think "well why did you watch it--just do something else". But even then it's not common. I'm warning you as  you seem to react to stuff more than I probably do and it's not all pleasant. But we have a nice little community of older guys (which is not your thing obviously, but just to say that there are little sub-communities). It seems more real than this does as I we can follow each others lives. (Of course, there is obviously overlap since I have followers from here. Hey faithful followers!!)

--Jay

Dunno how anyone can dislike your vids, Jay. You're adorably awesome! You're like Mr. Smiley, what's to dislike?

I don't get jealous, I get triggered.

Whenever I hear of a young guy whose accepting parents have allowed him to dodge the bullet of female puberty, it triggers a sense of deep despair that such things were not available to me. But I also know that my parents were completely unaccepting and my puberty began when I was 7, so even today it would be highly unlikely that I would've been put on puberty blockers in time to prevent the damage I suffered. So I have no choice but to accept that their situation is different from mine, and that I can never get back those lost years. I can only concentrate on my future.

I get triggered when I realise that teen transguys today - including those in unaccepting families - have more options and support available to them than I ever did when I was their age. I've suffered GD since I was 5, but I hadn't even heard the word 'transsexual' until I was 19 because we didn't have the Internet etc. to turn to for advice and support. And even then, I had to do all my my research in a public library, using books that were several years out-of-date. But I have to accept that this is just the way things were back then.

I get triggered when I see & hear some transguys who have had excellent transitions and/or are further along in their journeys than I am. I was really surprised to find myself triggered at my GIC on Monday, when a fully transitioned transguy working the reception desk started singing along to the radio. I've always been very dysphoric about my voice and am looking forward to it changing, so hearing him singing baritone was very triggering for me. But I had to accept that there was absolutely no problem with him singing; the problem was due to my own dysphoria & insecurity and he doesn't need me to lay those on him.

I get triggered when I hear some of the (rare!) stories of accepting and supportive families who stand by their trans* loved one every step of the way. My family is unsupportive and I'm in danger of losing my home and my children due to my transition. I've already lost my husband. It hurts to see that some other people are having an easier time of it, but I can't hold it against them; my problems are not their fault.

I also get triggered by the thought of joining an IRL support group with guys who've already transitioned. I don't like being at this halfway stage and I feel less 'authentic' than them, even though I know I'm not.

I know that all of these feelings are my problem. They are nothing whatsoever to do with these guys who've transitioned earlier or are further along than I am. It isn't their problem that I feel this way; heck, they probably felt similarly too at various stages of their transition. They did what they needed to do, and I'm doing what I need to do. If I get triggered along the way, I just have to try to work through my feelings & move on. It's going to get better; it's already better than it used to be.

Quote from: thatboyfresh on September 09, 2013, 12:29:51 AM
I don't see why another mans transition would bother you. Their transition has not effect on your life at all? Another man having love and support bothers you? Would you rather everyone suffer as much as they can? Every mans struggle is different and you know I am glad some guys have loving supportive friends and family because I know how not having these supports makes a hard situation that much worse.

maybe that was too harsh. i mean no offense, but seeing everybody around you achieving the exact thing you want, and you not being able to at least make a single step towards it has to bother you, doesn't it? it doesn't mean feeling bad for them, but feeling bad about yourself. i'm so happy for everybody who's into transition, but i can't help feeling envious. and it doesn't mean they should have suffered like me, it just means i should have been happy like them.

as for me, when i feel jealous, i tell myself not to worry because i'm gonna achieve it someday, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. and i daydream of numerous ways to come out and start off transition. that helps me to avoid being stressed about it. keeping up hopes no matter what comes against you is the most important.

i'm jealous of all non-binaries who get to transition. i still haven't found a doctor who can help me.
i'm even more jealous of binary trans people, they have a right to get treatment here unlike non-binaries.

doesn't mean that i'm not happy for them. i just wish i had the same possibilities.

Quote from: Jack_M on September 11, 2013, 12:37:24 AM
Dunno how anyone can dislike your vids, Jay. You're adorably awesome! You're like Mr. Smiley, what's to dislike?

Aw thanks Jack, that's awesome! :D I don't know as it isn't so common. I have maybe gotten 4-5 dislikes in all.  Maybe people dislike someone happy to be transitioning. But unlike our young friend here, I didn't know I could do this, so I have a different view. I feel privileged to be doing this. The other thing is that maybe someone is lost on youtube and finds their way to a video by accident. So they are right wing, hate trans people and so on. I don't know how they find stuff like that. I know Skylarkeleven (IRL). He is an awesome guy, but he gets dislikes too. I am guessing at the point where you have a million views just about EVERYBODY can find you, but most of us don't have a million views.

Anyway to reply to the topic, jealousy is a normal emotion. As long as it is under control. I could waste my time thinking about how I am not in my 20s or even 40s or I could just live my life. I think these are emotions which can be used to make you miserable if you are so inclined. Or they can perhaps make your life better, if you harness them to get what you want.


--Jay

Sometimes I do get a bit jealous, but it happened more back when I was waiting for mine to get started. Now I tend to compare my looks to another guy's, which isn't good. :/

Quote from: FTMDiaries on September 11, 2013, 09:51:21 AM
I don't get jealous, I get triggered.

Whenever I hear of a young guy whose accepting parents have allowed him to dodge the bullet of female puberty, it triggers a sense of deep despair that such things were not available to me. But I also know that my parents were completely unaccepting and my puberty began when I was 7, so even today it would be highly unlikely that I would've been put on puberty blockers in time to prevent the damage I suffered. So I have no choice but to accept that their situation is different from mine, and that I can never get back those lost years. I can only concentrate on my future.

I get triggered when I realise that teen transguys today - including those in unaccepting families - have more options and support available to them than I ever did when I was their age. I've suffered GD since I was 5, but I hadn't even heard the word 'transsexual' until I was 19 because we didn't have the Internet etc. to turn to for advice and support. And even then, I had to do all my my research in a public library, using books that were several years out-of-date. But I have to accept that this is just the way things were back then.

I get triggered when I see & hear some transguys who have had excellent transitions and/or are further along in their journeys than I am. I was really surprised to find myself triggered at my GIC on Monday, when a fully transitioned transguy working the reception desk started singing along to the radio. I've always been very dysphoric about my voice and am looking forward to it changing, so hearing him singing baritone was very triggering for me. But I had to accept that there was absolutely no problem with him singing; the problem was due to my own dysphoria & insecurity and he doesn't need me to lay those on him.

I get triggered when I hear some of the (rare!) stories of accepting and supportive families who stand by their trans* loved one every step of the way. My family is unsupportive and I'm in danger of losing my home and my children due to my transition. I've already lost my husband. It hurts to see that some other people are having an easier time of it, but I can't hold it against them; my problems are not their fault.

I also get triggered by the thought of joining an IRL support group with guys who've already transitioned. I don't like being at this halfway stage and I feel less 'authentic' than them, even though I know I'm not.

I know that all of these feelings are my problem. They are nothing whatsoever to do with these guys who've transitioned earlier or are further along than I am. It isn't their problem that I feel this way; heck, they probably felt similarly too at various stages of their transition. They did what they needed to do, and I'm doing what I need to do. If I get triggered along the way, I just have to try to work through my feelings & move on. It's going to get better; it's already better than it used to be.

Omg....this describes me exactly.  I've being triggered more instead of jealous.  Oh wow....

Quote from: YBtheOutlaw on September 11, 2013, 10:37:31 AM
maybe that was too harsh. i mean no offense, but seeing everybody around you achieving the exact thing you want, and you not being able to at least make a single step towards it has to bother you, doesn't it? it doesn't mean feeling bad for them, but feeling bad about yourself. i'm so happy for everybody who's into transition, but i can't help feeling envious. and it doesn't mean they should have suffered like me, it just means i should have been happy like them.

as for me, when i feel jealous, i tell myself not to worry because i'm gonna achieve it someday, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. and i daydream of numerous ways to come out and start off transition. that helps me to avoid being stressed about it. keeping up hopes no matter what comes against you is the most important.

Exactly!

Quote from: Taka on September 11, 2013, 10:59:58 AM
i'm jealous of all non-binaries who get to transition. i still haven't found a doctor who can help me.
i'm even more jealous of binary trans people, they have a right to get treatment here unlike non-binaries.

doesn't mean that i'm not happy for them. i just wish i had the same possibilities.

kinda related, but in another way,
Im jelouse of people "like some online friends i talked too" who live in a place where they can transition more easly and where being trans in general isn't a issues for getting a job an education or medication.

Yeah, I definitely do.  I think it's actually super important to talk about this kind of jealousy because I feel like when we don't process it, it turns into toxic feelings towards other trans folks.  I think it makes a lot of sense to feel jealous, and also we have a choice of how we deal with or act on that emotion.  I also feel like it's totally possible to be excited and supportive of other trans folks, while also grappling with feelings of jealousy.

I really related to what folks were saying about jealousy/being triggered.  What often manifests as "jealousy" for me is really a deep and painful feeling of sadness, desperation, and longing. Often I feel 'jealous' or upset when I see trans folks who realized they were trans much later than I did, but who started hormones before me or have had surgery already.  It's taken me nearly a decade to come to terms with my relationship with my body, to take the steps to change my body, to deal with all of the pain, loss, rejection, etc. that came with starting hormones, etc.  So even though I know it's a totally illogical and unfair thought process, I can't help but feel sometimes like I'm in line at some magical trans pharmacy and this other person has just cut in line. 

I'm thankful that I have the wherewithal to understand how silly that is, and to recognize that it is always a positive thing when other trans folks are going through less pain, less waiting, less difficulty, etc. than I have.  I've seen a lot of folks let those emotions get the better of them and turn their frustration towards policing who is/isn't "really transsexual", who does/doesn't deserve access to transition-related care, etc.  Seeing that stuff always bums me out.

I wanted to echo, for you Brandon, what the other poster was saying about watching youtube videos of other young trans folks/working on your own channel.  And also, I'd just encourage you to be thoughtful about your own privacy in the process!  Especially when it comes to sharing your name on there.  You just never know, especially as trans folks, what you may or may not want people to see or be able to search about you online in the future. 

Wishing you lots of love and luck in dealing with those very real emotions.

Quote from: YBtheOutlaw on September 11, 2013, 10:37:31 AM
maybe that was too harsh. i mean no offense, but seeing everybody around you achieving the exact thing you want, and you not being able to at least make a single step towards it has to bother you, doesn't it? it doesn't mean feeling bad for them, but feeling bad about yourself. i'm so happy for everybody who's into transition, but i can't help feeling envious. and it doesn't mean they should have suffered like me, it just means i should have been happy like them.

as for me, when i feel jealous, i tell myself not to worry because i'm gonna achieve it someday, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. and i daydream of numerous ways to come out and start off transition. that helps me to avoid being stressed about it. keeping up hopes no matter what comes against you is the most important.

In my opinion.There is a difference between being jealous and bothered. He specifically stated that it bothered him and that is was I was replying to. Yes some guys have the support and are able to transition a little easier but I just don't understand why that would BOTHER someone else. Can people chose their families and monetary situations that they are born into?? No. We should all know how are the road of a trans man is. Even if you do have 100,000$ at you're disposal and millions of people who love you it doesn't just magically make the internal struggle go away.

Also the emotion that all of you are describing is not jealousy its envy.

Quote from: thatboyfresh on September 12, 2013, 02:51:58 PM
Also the emotion that all of you are describing is not jealousy its envy.

This correct, but people misuse it so often it has sorta become accepted in places other than formal writing.

From wikipedia:

""Envy" and "jealousy" are often used interchangeably in common usage, but strictly speaking, the words stand for two distinct emotions. Jealousy is the result or fear of losing someone or something that one is attached to or possesses to another person (the transfer of a lover's affections in the typical form), while envy is the resentment caused by another person having something that one does not have, but desires for oneself"

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy#Comparison_with_jealousy

Quote from: thatboyfresh on September 12, 2013, 02:50:59 PM
In my opinion.There is a difference between being jealous and bothered. He specifically stated that it bothered him and that is was I was replying to. Yes some guys have the support and are able to transition a little easier but I just don't understand why that would BOTHER someone else. Can people chose their families and monetary situations that they are born into?? No. We should all know how are the road of a trans man is. Even if you do have 100,000$ at you're disposal and millions of people who love you it doesn't just magically make the internal struggle go away.

Ok well t bothers me seeing everyone else achieve something you want to acheive is going to bother you either way, No I don't want transguys that don't have support to go through what I am, But I never gonna have support from my mother, Come on know that's my mom, Of course its gonna hurt because she will never see me as her son, It's really hard to be happy I'm tired of putting on a fake smile to satisfy everyne else

For me jelousy is abit of a angry felling someone having something you don't have yourself.
it a negative felling but it dose not has to be negative, I dont find anything wrong with being jelouse like theres nothing wrong with being angry its natural fellings.
you can be angry or jealous at your best friend, it dosen't change the fact you still like and care for them.

Quote from: thatboyfresh on September 12, 2013, 02:50:59 PM
In my opinion.There is a difference between being jealous and bothered. He specifically stated that it bothered him and that is was I was replying to. Yes some guys have the support and are able to transition a little easier but I just don't understand why that would BOTHER someone else. Can people chose their families and monetary situations that they are born into?? No. We should all know how are the road of a trans man is. Even if you do have 100,000$ at you're disposal and millions of people who love you it doesn't just magically make the internal struggle go away.

I mean, it's fine that you don't understand.  But that doesn't mean that it's not a real thing that other people are feeling and experiencing.  As people, we experience all sorts of emotions (like jealousy, rage, etc.) that are generally not good emotions to act on, or may not even make any real sense when we talk them out.  But that doesn't mean we don't *feel* them in the first place.

Haven't you ever felt an emotion that didn't make sense?

Feeling those emotions of jealousy or envy or whatever you want to call it, isn't us saying that trans people we don't know or trans people with more privilege or trans people who transitioned earlier or what-have-you aren't experiencing their own struggles.  These are just the feelings that arise sometimes (which I would venture to say have a lot more to do with the things we're experiencing than how we actually think about other folks). 

Quote from: Femboy on September 12, 2013, 04:24:00 PM
I mean, it's fine that you don't understand.  But that doesn't mean that it's not a real thing that other people are feeling and experiencing.  As people, we experience all sorts of emotions (like jealousy, rage, etc.) that are generally not good emotions to act on, or may not even make any real sense when we talk them out.  But that doesn't mean we don't *feel* them in the first place.

Haven't you ever felt an emotion that didn't make sense?

Feeling those emotions of jealousy or envy or whatever you want to call it, isn't us saying that trans people we don't know or trans people with more privilege or trans people who transitioned earlier or what-have-you aren't experiencing their own struggles.  These are just the feelings that arise sometimes (which I would venture to say have a lot more to do with the things we're experiencing than how we actually think about other folks).

I am not saying that I have never wished It was easy for me like some guys seem to have it. But I was asking why such a thing would bother another human being is all. I guess IN MY PERSONAL OPINION I would never let the success of someone else BOTHER me. This is what I am specifically talking about in regards to OP Brandon's post  . I never once said it didn't make sense to feel that way but, It makes me happy to know that there are men that don't have to go through as much pain and suffering to transition because i wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Quote from: Brandon on September 12, 2013, 03:31:57 PM

Ok well t bothers me seeing everyone else achieve something you want to acheive is going to bother you either way, No I don't want transguys that don't have support to go through what I am, But I never gonna have support from my mother, Come on know that's my mom, Of course its gonna hurt because she will never see me as her son, It's really hard to be happy I'm tired of putting on a fake smile to satisfy everyne else

1. No you can not assume "seeing everyone else achieve something you want to achieve is going to bother you either way" when I see that it makes me even more determined and excited at what is in my future knowing that other people have reached their goals through to much strife and hardship shows me I to can get there one day.

I haven't seen any part of my family in two years. So though I can empathize with you but no I do not share in your ideals which is fine too.

Quote from: thatboyfresh on September 12, 2013, 08:09:20 PM
1. No you can not assume "seeing everyone else achieve something you want to achieve is going to bother you either way" when I see that it makes me even more determined and excited at what is in my future knowing that other people have reached their goals through to much strife and hardship shows me I to can get there one day.

I haven't seen any part of my family in two years. So though I can empathize with you but no I do not share in your ideals which is fine too.

Were two different people dude

Quote from: Brandon on September 12, 2013, 08:21:53 PM
Were two different people dude

smh (unless this was a statement of realization)

Quote from: Alice Danielle on September 12, 2013, 08:25:12 PM
smh (unless this was a statement of realization)

Well we are everyone reacts to certain things differently

the "smh" was because the statement clearly contradicts its own meaning unless it was a statement of realization.  You're using the statement "we are two different people" to argue a statement that is saying "something bothers me so it must bother everyone"

Quote from: Alice Danielle on September 12, 2013, 08:35:13 PM
the "smh" was because the statement clearly contradicts its own meaning unless it was a statement of realization.

How about realzation

Quote from: Brandon on September 09, 2013, 12:13:28 AM
I mean don't get me wrong I'm happy for the ones who are becoming men and its know physically showing like any other male, But it bothers me also especially the ones who have supportive families which I'm lacking horribly right know, I don't know it's just bother, Its becaus I know some guys here have started T and are happy about it and have loving girlfriends and supportive families :-\

Yup, won't lie. I do know the feeling but it's not "hate" or wish they wouldn't have what they've achieved, it only reminds me how behind I am.

Yeah, I get jealous.  I'm actually more of the really young transguys (pre-teens on blockers, or teens who already started testosterone) who are transitioning.  Mainly due to the fact that their parents are letting them.  I know mine never would.  My parents would call me crazy.  But I'm so extremely happy for the guys who get to transition so young. 

It might be because I'm past legal adult age and my parents are still trying to get me to not transition.

Them and cis women, yes frequently. I do my best to hide it, or at least the reasons behind it, until I'm ready to come out publicly.

Quote from: Reese on September 15, 2013, 04:38:31 PM
Yeah, I get jealous.  I'm actually more of the really young transguys (pre-teens on blockers, or teens who already started testosterone) who are transitioning.  Mainly due to the fact that their parents are letting them.  I know mine never would.  My parents would call me crazy.  But I'm so extremely happy for the guys who get to transition so young. 

It might be because I'm past legal adult age and my parents are still trying to get me to not transition.

Yea that's how I feel

Has it occurred to you that some people might be envious of you. You are a very young person who is aware of himself. Some day you will get on T and get those changes. Some of us didn't really know we were trans til way way later in life.

--Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on September 15, 2013, 05:45:28 PM
Has it occurred to you that some people might be envious of you. You are a very young person who is aware of himself. Some day you will get on T and get those changes. Some of us didn't really know we were trans til way way later in life.

--Jay

No, I really never have see a reason for anyone to be jealous of me, But I can see why know, Good point though!