Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am said about the depression I had. I think back to the mess I was last year (start of this year)  and that memory has me pushing me on looking deper into what it means to be a CD. I just wish there was another way to undersatnd that I was TG. Why can not our society understand what it is like for us and that we need to investigate everything  about the TG like.


Alice

Quote from: Alice on June 21, 2007, 06:44:33 AM
I am said about the depression I had. I think back to the mess I was last year (start of this year)  and that memory has me pushing me on looking deper into what it means to be a CD. I just wish there was another way to undersatnd that I was TG. Why can not our society understand what it is like for us and that we need to investigate everything  about the TG like.


Alice

Alice, most of us are in a state of depression, and I've had more that 20 years of it. We are born this way and it's not something we can supress. Society doesn't understand us because the subject is never presented properly in the media or the good or positive aspects mentioned.

Berliegh   

Girls forget about depression. Pick your self up and be the woman you want to be. Concentrate on being a woman. Forget about all of the little stuff. If you put as much focus on being a woman as as being depressed you will have the problem solved. Don't worry about what people think. Think you want to be woman and do just that. Focus all of your mind to what you really want and forget the little things.

This is how I have done what I have done.

Deb

Deb, depression is a very serious mental illness. Mind over matter is not a cure for depression. Meds help some people, but many people can't even be helped with meds.

Quote from: Diane on June 21, 2007, 03:51:47 PM
Mind over matter is not a cure for depression.

Was for me. The trick is to not mind, and consider what really matters.

People fear what they can't understand... Its definately depressing for me to live as a transgendered person in a society that doesn't understand what it is about. I actually just got back from the Adult Mental Health Hospital in my city, because I felt like killing myself last week. Its a tough life we have to live but we have to be strong and move forward. ^_^

I discovered that I was TG only a couple of years ago. Before that I had some inner turmoil and didn't know why. Since accepting that I am transgender, I have never beeen happier. I feel liberated and complete. To me, being TG is a blessing.

We need to tell our own stories, too. The medical establishment and society really don't have a clue as to who we really are.

Gennee  

Quote from: None of the Above on June 21, 2007, 04:56:03 PM

Quote from: Diane on June 21, 2007, 03:51:47 PM
Mind over matter is not a cure for depression.

Was for me. The trick is to not mind, and consider what really matters.

Climbing out of depression is no simple task.  First you have to come to believe there is a solution for what put you there.  Then you have to show yourself that you can make progress.  Unless you can get that far, you will feel trapped and slide back down.  Chemicals can prop you up with you climb out, but you still have to do the climbing.  By themselves drugs will not do you any good.  And your first goal after you start taking antidepressants to make a plan that will allow you to get off the meds.  Heaven help you if you have GID and can find no outlet for your gender identity.  The power of positive thinking won't help you then.  I know; I tried it.  The result is crashing like with drugs.

Quote from: Diane on June 21, 2007, 03:51:47 PM
Deb, depression is a very serious mental illness. Mind over matter is not a cure for depression. Meds help some people, but many people can't even be helped with meds.

Beating depression is mind over mind.*  The whole basis of treatments like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is that you can learn to think your way out of it.  There are some good books to help teach you to do this, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns has some very useful info (though I haven't finished it yet)

GID can't be 'cured' like that, but the depression it often causes can be treated like any other depression.

(*but yes, some people do have depression that's mainly caused by genetics/chemical imbalance that's very hard to fix.  For the vast majority of trans people this isn't the case though)

It must be hard being CD. From what I can gather you live as both men and women. Not permanently one or the other right? That is depressing. Im sorry. I was depressed all the time. But only because I didnt have enough Eostrogen. Now with it I see a brighter future for myself as I look and feel better. The medical profession cannot be trusted with mental illness in my experience. Anti-depressants can make things worse if the underlying issue is not dealt with. It sounds like you dont have a chemical imbalance. Just frustration with our ignorant society. It makes me depressed thinking about the way TG people are treated in general. We need more heros! And Deb is right you should just think about being a woman and forget about all that other stuff. It is all little in comparison with your happiness!

Well I am glad I am on my Anti-depression meds - I definatly need them - I was so bad last year. It is giving me time to explore and work out where I am going.


Alice

Quote from: Alice on June 25, 2007, 07:21:54 PM
Well I am glad I am on my Anti-depression meds - I definatly need them - I was so bad last year. It is giving me time to explore and work out where I am going.


Alice

thats great Alice! I hope you go to a great place.It took me 30 years of being called a girl and a loser to realise what a transsexual is. I dont know who I was kidding trying to act manly when I clearly didnt look the part. God I was messed up and depressed. But it wasnt my fault. I just feel sorry for all the men and women I confused before going on HRT and coming out. I didnt know what was going on. I used to think why are they calling me a ->-bleeped-<-? Whats that? Well I looked in the mirror one day on Acid and thought. Oh my God you are a woman. It was depressing at the time. But I felt I knew why then that my girlfriends were only ever friends. And why I like guys but felt guilty because of my Christian family and conditioning. Anyway if Meds help you with time thats great. Its one thing we need as TG's. Time and the chance to explore ourselves and our desires. Whatever makes us happy right!

Quote from: NatalieCarole on June 25, 2007, 08:59:57 PM
thats great Alice! I hope you go to a great place.It took me 30 years of being called a girl and a loser to realise what a transsexual is. I dont know who I was kidding trying to act manly when I clearly didnt look the part.

My pre-transition story is similar to yours Natalie. I was called 'girlie' at school and beaten up. I didn't pass very well as a guy and it lead to all kinds of problems when I was younger. I was quite pleased I didn't look like the other boys. I remember going around with a gang of boys as a teenager and a lady said 'why do you hang around with boys'....'go around with the other girls instead'. amazingly the guys had longer hair than me too.

Years later I used to get pulled up with a male bank card in the supermarket and asked where I got it from. Security would be brought in and they still wouldn't believe it was mine. I thought it was quite funny as I was dressed in very male clothes (Levi jeans, white T shirt and jacket). I liked the idea that people thought I was female but it wasn't deliberate and I didn't think about transitioning. I always felt female but didn't feel the need to wear any special clothes although I was facinated by the shape of a girl's lower body  and longed to gain the exact same shape.

Until the age of 12-13, I got beat up all the time by school bullies because my face was kind of like the other girls (but not the body, I was already pretty strong, tall and lanky even before puberty) and was always playing with the girls during recess (Although, when once and awhile I played dodge ball, I really spiked the hell out of those jerks who went after me).

But, at puberty, I grew taller (but not larger) than all the other boys in my grade school and put on major muscles on my legs and core without even trying. Someone tried to trip me and my legs were like steal, they fell instead, then another day, they tried to put somebody crouched behind me without me knowing and push me over him, they couldn't even move me. The bully left me alone after that. Seeing as being a jock could protect from these assaults, I started doing a lot of competitive sports from then on.

Quote from: Keira on June 26, 2007, 12:20:46 PM

Until the age of 12-13, I got beat up all the time by school bullies because my face was kind of like the other girls (but not the body, I was already pretty strong, tall and lanky even before puberty) and was always playing with the girls during recess (Although, when once and awhile I played dodge ball, I really spiked the hell out of those jerks who went after me).

But, at puberty, I grew taller (but not larger) than all the other boys in my grade school and put on major muscles on my legs and core without even trying. Someone tried to trip me and my legs were like steal, they fell instead, then another day, they tried to put somebody crouched behind me without me knowing and push me over him, they couldn't even move me. The bully left me alone after that. Seeing as being a jock could protect from these assaults, I started doing a lot of competitive sports from then on.

Great stuff....

Quote from: Berliegh on June 21, 2007, 07:10:00 AM

Quote from: Alice on June 21, 2007, 06:44:33 AM
I am said about the depression I had. I think back to the mess I was last year (start of this year)  and that memory has me pushing me on looking deper into what it means to be a CD. I just wish there was another way to undersatnd that I was TG. Why can not our society understand what it is like for us and that we need to investigate everything  about the TG like.


Alice

Alice, most of us are in a state of depression, and I've had more that 20 years of it. We are born this way and it's not something we can supress. Society doesn't understand us because the subject is never presented properly in the media or the good or positive aspects mentioned.

Berliegh   

20 years - that is a long time. I have slipped back into depression this last week. I thought I was climbing the ladder but the depression has just caught me again. I hope I am not depressed for that long - there needs to be a qucker solution.

Alice

The solution is to accept Alice is part of your life, learn to love her.

Buffy

Quote from: debisl on June 21, 2007, 02:39:12 PM
Girls forget about depression. Pick your self up and be the woman you want to be. Concentrate on being a woman. Forget about all of the little stuff. If you put as much focus on being a woman as as being depressed you will have the problem solved. Don't worry about what people think. Think you want to be woman and do just that. Focus all of your mind to what you really want and forget the little things.

This is how I have done what I have done.

Deb

None of us would be depressed if we looked like 'you'....

Quote from: Berliegh on July 02, 2007, 05:52:06 AM

Quote from: debisl on June 21, 2007, 02:39:12 PM
This is how I have done what I have done.

Deb

None of us would be depressed if we looked like 'you'....

Agreed... I mean I look at her pic sometimes and think, "Geez... why do I bother? I'm NEVER going to look that passable..." I realize it's not a beauty contest, and that comparing against others is pointless, but STILL... I can see how many girls would be thrilled with their results, where I just sometimes feel stupid for even TRYING when compared to her.

Alice, depression can come in waves. It WILL pass... if you just hang in there. But please forgive yourself too, I mean this IS a difficult journey we're all on - discovering who we REALLY are outside of who society tells us we "should" be. It hurts, I know, but it also means you're making progress, looking in the painful areas that need to be addressed in order to figure yourself out in depth.

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on July 02, 2007, 08:53:25 AM

Quote from: Berliegh on July 02, 2007, 05:52:06 AM
None of us would be depressed if we looked like 'you'....

Agreed... I mean I look at her pic sometimes and think, "Geez... why do I bother? I'm NEVER going to look that passable..." I realize it's not a beauty contest, and that comparing against others is pointless, but STILL... I can see how many girls would be thrilled with their results, where I just sometimes feel stupid for even TRYING when compared to her.

<------ Look at the picture to he left.  I never believed I would pass either.

QuoteNone of us would be depressed if we looked like 'you'....

Yes we would.  I admire people for their beauty and I admit that I am sometimes envious.  But being beautiful doesn't cure the depression.  Completely passing doesn't cure depression.  GRS doesn't cure depression.  Medication does not cure depression.  These things can help significantly, but they won't make IT completely go away.

It is a life long battle.  You need to find what will work for you and do it.  The depression may never go away but you can still lead a productive and happy life.

I find that if I get involved in a complicated and impossible project, I can put off those feelings for a while.  Once I master something, I need to find something else to do.  That's why I've never been able to work at any one job for more than two or three years.  The challenge makes me feel alive and gives my life meaning.

Take care hon.  You can figure out what will work for you.  Just keep trying.

Cindi

Well who wouldn't want to look like Deb?  It would be nice, but it would not cure my depression.  Completely passing or being able to follow my heart's dream of transition would not either.  Many of those things that sound so good bring with them a whole new set of unforeseen issues.  Then the whole cycles starts over again.

Most depression, if it is a true clinical depression, is caused by a chemical imbalance.  Modern drugs can help restore this balance.  But it must be part of an overall program of treatment.  There is no magic pill.  I have fought this for years, as have many here.  My experience is that there is no better cure than taking a good, productive, first step towards success in the area of difficulty.  And the next day you do the same, and keep on until success comes.  Some days will bring failure, but you have to look at overall progress and realize that progress might not be constant, but rather long-term.

Best of luck, sweetie, you can do this.  Let us know if we can help.

Peace,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi66.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh276%2FDianneOnly%2Fkissgirl.gif&hash=35f4222bbcd6ce1f143d13ffe9d9553961a2ddd2)Kristi

Quote from: Berliegh on July 02, 2007, 05:52:06 AM

Quote from: debisl on June 21, 2007, 02:39:12 PM
Girls forget about depression. Pick your self up and be the woman you want to be. Concentrate on being a woman. Forget about all of the little stuff. If you put as much focus on being a woman as as being depressed you will have the problem solved. Don't worry about what people think. Think you want to be woman and do just that. Focus all of your mind to what you really want and forget the little things.

This is how I have done what I have done.

Deb

None of us would be depressed if we looked like 'you'....

Brrr. Someone must've cranked the AC too high in here.

What, because she's pretty, her advice isn't as valid as the others'? Come on, now.

Quote from: Berliegh on July 02, 2007, 05:52:06 AM
None of us would be depressed if we looked like 'you'....

If you think looks will make you happy, you have a lot of rough years ahead of you. I know some amazingly beautiful people who are some of the least happy people on earth...

What do we know of Deb, Tink, or any of us, beyond our photos.
Its a strange thing to judge someone's inner soul from a photograph.

I don't know why looking good is seen as a kind of magic pill to life.
It's not. I looked very good as a guy, was in tip top shape, but was miserable.
Look pretty good now, but still I'm carrying 20 years of crap on my back and until I've shed it all, I'm not going to feel good about myself even if I win 10 or 20 beauty contests (not that I'm expecting too...).

A woman, a human, the outer self must be in tuned with the inner self for us to move on.

Quote from: Keira on July 02, 2007, 03:39:42 PM
I'm not going to feel good about myself even if I win 10 or 20 beauty contests...

Of course, and I didn't mean to imply I'm hung up on being beautiful, or see that as a ticket out of depression. Being totally *passable* though would certainly make things much easier. There's still work to do of course, it's not THE answer, but it sure would help to reach that "ordinary life" I so long for...

~Kate~

I hope none of you took my statement of "This is how I have done what I have done" as refering to beauty or looks. This was not my intension to imply.

As Susan says the mental anguish has been horrible for me and probably others here as well. You want to be a whole some body so bad and you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it is hard to get moving forward sometimes. This is when you have to grab up all of your fortitude and decide in your mind that you are going forward with no regrets and hope for happiness along the way. In my adolesent years I was a hopeless basket case. Things did not change too much for me as a teen, but I was transitioning. I exerted all of my energy to trying to get the look,and ignored the important things. At one time I was skin and bones because I wanted to look like all of the other thin girls around me. This was a very bad move as I was enemic. It wasn't till about 7 years ago I started feeling good about my inner self. This is when I came out of my shell. Prior to that I had very few friends that I could talk to except for my college mates who knew what I was going through. I pretended to be happy, and I abused alcohol to escape reality. I only drank when I was in a party atmosphere, but this was so I thought I would blend in with no pain.

Looks have been important to me, but more in the shape mode. I scare the dead in the morning before make-up. I have tried to keep myself in shape as much as I could. I guess in doing so I feel better about my shape. Truly with the right make-up you can transform anyone into something pretty. Make-up is a mask. Body toning is something lasting and it stays longer than make-up.

For those of you who meant a compliment, I thank you
I am not any different from anyone here. I am striving to be someone I was not born into physicaly.

Thanks for listening
Deb

My transsexual childhood was all about being a girl in my head, but having a boy's body.

The image I had of myself was never that of a totally drop-dead, gorgeous girl, but just a girl.

OK so I'm no top model, but then again I'm not particulary unattractive either. 

When all's said and done I suppose I'm just like 99% of the world's population; average.

And average is SO much better than what I once thought my adult life might be :)

MVER XXX 

Quote from: Keira on July 02, 2007, 03:39:42 PM
I don't know why looking good is seen as a kind of magic pill to life.

It's our culture, and it has destroyed the lives of more women that anyone can count.

Quote from: Keira on July 02, 2007, 03:39:42 PM
I don't know why looking good is seen as a kind of magic pill to life.
It's not.

I think that kind of standard has been formulated by our commercial culture to sell more product.  A minority of humans fit the ideal and most of them can only maintain it by buying and using many products for that purpose.

If everyone were satisfied about how they looked, who would waste money on the stuff?

That said, I'm not aware of any method by which I can get away from it (says Emelye as she reaches for her foundation and trowel).

hugs & smiles
Emelye

God I look terrible! Your all making me feel bad. I dont think I will ever pass any of your tests. This is depressing me. Yeah Deb is the most beautiful girl I have seen in a long while. Good on you others for being beautiful as well. I cant judge people can I? At least I look like myself in my pic. I dont know who you others are supposed to be?

Quote from: Kate on July 02, 2007, 08:53:25 AM

Quote from: Berliegh on July 02, 2007, 05:52:06 AM

None of us would be depressed if we looked like 'you'....

Agreed... I mean I look at her pic sometimes and think, "Geez... why do I bother? I'm NEVER going to look that passable..." I realize it's not a beauty contest, and that comparing against others is pointless, but STILL... I can see how many girls would be thrilled with their results, where I just sometimes feel stupid for even TRYING when compared to her.

Alice, depression can come in waves. It WILL pass... if you just hang in there. But please forgive yourself too, I mean this IS a difficult journey we're all on - discovering who we REALLY are outside of who society tells us we "should" be. It hurts, I know, but it also means you're making progress, looking in the painful areas that need to be addressed in order to figure yourself out in depth.

~Kate~

Yes, in the picture debisl looks like a genetic female especially the face and breasts...

My depression is mostly caused by my denial. It would push my feelings down and put on a farce. I became so used to hiding and the more time that passed, the worse I became. I can say that now that I am facing my issues, I'm much happier. I too worry about my looks and honestly it is my looks that give me the most concern.

Quote from: Diane on June 21, 2007, 03:51:47 PM
Deb, depression is a very serious mental illness. Mind over matter is not a cure for depression. Meds help some people, but many people can't even be helped with meds.

depression can be cured by dealing with the cause once its identified, not wanging around on Anti depressants, its like putting a plug in someone who has an arterial bleed as opposed to sewing things up... sure it holds the blood in, but it doesnt allow the body to heal itself while its there...

Depression is something I know very well.  It seems like that it is my normal mode of existance.  For years my parents would send me to different therapists and I wouldn't even go inside.  I didn't want them to try and change me.  Oh how I wish I talked to them then.  I ended up trying to kill myself and that put me in a mental institution for around a month or so.  I came out feeling great as I thought my days of sadness were gone.

I mean who wouldn't?  I was put on Prozac and sent on my way.  I got back to school and all of a sudden I was popular for what I tried to do to myself.  I convinced myself that all guys must of thought about wanting to be female.  I mean how could they not?  I also assumed it was a natural extension of my attracton to women.  I pretty much decided that being social was more important than my grades.  It seemed it at the time and I loved it because it was such a huge change from what I was used to.  I was homecoming queen king  :( runner up 3 years in a row.

None of this changed how I felt about myself.  I did manufacture an ego, though it really wasn't genuine.  I hid my insecurities behind confidence. 

I suppose that I really doubted my desire to be a woman because it was so different than the typical story.  What I have learned and should have known is that it is the exception rather than the rule.  I never felt like a girl per se as a child.  I just felt very wrong and I knew I was different somehow.  The boys didn't want to play with me, and I had no idea why.  I always wanted to play with the girls.  I was facinated by their games and how they socialised.  I would start crying for no reason and I had no idea why.

My depression has taken on many forms.  Even now I get depressed and have my doubts about transition.  I am super critical of myself physically although I have gotten a lot better recently.  I am starting to see a girl in the mirror more and more.  I thought I wanted full FFS and now I am not so sure that I need it.  I have resigned myself to tweaks I suppose.  So days I just don't feel all that female and things don't seem so bad.  Its difficult giving up the woman you were going to marry and a future for anything, even if it is the right thing. 

So far, the hormones seem to be right for me.  It feels surreal and yet sometimes I look in the mirror and ask myself what I am doing.  I am almost too careful.  The GID seems to manifest itself in frusteration more that depression and self loathing at this point.  I see a beautiful girl and it just pains me.  Some days, I am in my car in a perfect mood and singing along to the radio, but I see a gorgeous girl walk by and then another and another.  By the time I get to my destination I am in a horrible mood!  Where were all of these beautiful girls  when I was trying to date them?  ;D  It seems like everyone moved here when I began my transition!

Regardless, I don't think my depression is over.  I feel as though in the end, what I will be depressed about will be less about me, and more about life's daily trials as a human being instead of as a transsexual.  That would be alright with me  ^-^

Quote from: Kate on July 02, 2007, 08:53:25 AM

Quote from: Berliegh on July 02, 2007, 05:52:06 AM
None of us would be depressed if we looked like 'you'....

Agreed... I mean I look at her pic sometimes and think, "Geez... why do I bother? I'm NEVER going to look that passable..." I realize it's not a beauty contest, and that comparing against others is pointless, but STILL... I can see how many girls would be thrilled with their results, where I just sometimes feel stupid for even TRYING when compared to her.

I disagree.  I'm a mom, and I don't want to be anything but a mom.  I love being a mom.  I'd really hate to be a mom and look like a model.

what does being a mum ahve to do with not looking like a model? jesus girls, mothers are women too...

Quote from: Lisbeth on July 05, 2007, 02:07:13 PM
I disagree.  I'm a mom, and I don't want to be anything but a mom.  I love being a mom.  I'd really hate to be a mom and look like a model.

Quote from: Rachael on July 05, 2007, 02:42:27 PM
what does being a mum ahve to do with not looking like a model? jesus girls, mothers are women too...

I'm with Rachael on this. Why? Looks don't define a woman, or her role. My mother is past 50 and still gorgeous, because she takes care of herself.
Excuse me, but your statement sounds a bit misogynistic.

Transition for m2fs is all about mysogony, and steriotypes, mothers are just women who have given birth to children...

please tell me what a mother looks like... other than boobs, vagina, arms and legs?
when im a mother, i certainly wish to maintain my looks...