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Hi my Boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and he's been on testosterone shots for 10 months or so and is really really horny from it.
The problem is I can't satisfy him anymore. He's just not into me anymore and wants sex with other people.
I'm just wondering has this happened to other ftm guys? Have you gotten really horny and want sex with other people? He described it as 'wanting sex with anyone and everyone'. Even though he loves me, he can't help it, he just really wants to ->-bleeped-<- other people. Not me.
I'm not asking to try and find a solution (I've offered an open relationship) I'm just asking to see if this is common among the ftm community or not.

My fiancee and I have talked about this. We've talked about finding a couple who would be interested in sex. We're "open", but not in an "open relationship" per se. We agreed to talk and set boundaries if we engage in sex with people outside of the relationship. I don't know how common it is, though.

My sex drive went up, but never to the point where I'd really want to pursue sex with other people.

well yeah after  while I got very horny on T, and pretty much wanted to sleep with not everyone but a couple of people.

I guess it normal being horny on T, the sleeping with other people kinda depend what type of person you are I bet.

Horniness does not equate "wanting to sleep with other people".  A very horny person can masturbate.  A very horny person can have sex as often as mutually agreeable with his own partner.  Being "so horny" that he wants to sleep with everyone sounds like an excuse in my opinion.

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on September 22, 2013, 12:57:12 AM
Horniness does not equate "wanting to sleep with other people".  A very horny person can masturbate.  A very horny person can have sex as often as mutually agreeable with his own partner.  Being "so horny" that he wants to sleep with everyone sounds like an excuse in my opinion.

Yeah. This. I really dislike the insinuation that testosterone makes you want to "sleep with other people" maybe that is how he feels but I dont think  its okay to blame it on testosterone. I am not putting down the idea of an open relationship (ive been in one and that aspect was really great) but no I did not experience wanting to persue outside sex just because i was on testosterone. I was much much hornier, thats for sure. But would it make me persue others....nah.

I was very much into sex with all sorts of people long before transition, and I always insisted on an open relationship but almost never acted on it. Partners are usually sexier than strangers, even when libido is high. I agree with comments about how high sex drive doesn't generally correlate with wanting to be with new people. Masturbation, new games, new daydreams, whatever, will work fine to deal with primal cravings. When I wanted to be allowed to sleep with others, it was mostly for reasons of commitment and identity, not sexual needs.

Quote from: ajg92 on September 21, 2013, 08:29:34 PM
Hi my Boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and he's been on testosterone shots for 10 months or so and is really really horny from it.
The problem is I can't satisfy him anymore. He's just not into me anymore and wants sex with other people.
I'm just wondering has this happened to other ftm guys? Have you gotten really horny and want sex with other people? He described it as 'wanting sex with anyone and everyone'. Even though he loves me, he can't help it, he just really wants to screw other people. Not me.
I'm not asking to try and find a solution (I've offered an open relationship) I'm just asking to see if this is common among the ftm community or not.

Make sure you get him tested for STDs.

What bothers me about this one is not so much that he would want sex with other people. Although I feel it is questionable. That one is one thing but that he doesn't want it with you. I realize that the grass is greener and there aren't the ties necessarily, which can be hotter. But sounds like some trouble in the relationship actually. I know of some people who have polyandrous partnerships. There are people for which this works with (I know someone in a stable one), but I think a lot of time it is an excuse. It seems like a way of not dealing with problems because you are adding this person and then that one. It can have a frenetic aspect to it, that doesn't seem like it works in the long run. Actually you could be a doppleganger for someone I know.

I am on T, and I think the whole concept of "not being able to help it" is kind of an excuse if you ask me. Sex drive is an impulse and there are other things you can do, if you get my drift.

The question I have from this is whether this guy wants sex now with guys (don't know your gender) instead or something. Some percentage of trans people switches orientation. It might not be an actual switch. This happened to me. So if his "other people" well it's another subject, but still a problem for you.

--Jay

If he really "can't help it", then he needs professional help. If he truly "can't help it", then what if he approaches someone who says "no"?

For what it's worth, I really think he can "help it", it's just a piss poor excuse.

Quote from: John Smith on September 22, 2013, 04:05:02 AM
If he really "can't help it", then he needs professional help. If he truly "can't help it", then what if he approaches someone who says "no"?

For what it's worth, I really think he can "help it", it's just a piss poor excuse.

Well yeah that "no" thing, what would he do. I agree with John here!! Seems to have very specific desires for someone who can't help himself. He wants other people, but not you. See thats' more fun, no attachments and that messy sort of thing.
Actually he REALLY sounds like someone I know.


--Jay

Diving in here.

I think he is a piss poor excuse of a man.

The classic excuse of I'm male I need sex is so over done that it is silly.

We set boundaries in life. I'd like to be a millionaire, so I can steal? Is that oK?

If he loves you, he can live to the boundaries you want to live by, if he can't he is not a lover, he is a user.

Just MO

Agreeing with what everyone else shared.  This sounds like an issue with him as well as some trouble in the relationship.  And it sounds like an awful position for you to be in.  Some people talk about their attractions changing or their sex drive changing on hormones (though I've experienced neither of these, and am skeptical of some of the accounts of these things), but that doesn't give anyone an excuse to be a jerk to their partner.

And to add to your "poll" of the community:  I'm in my 20s on testosterone, my sex drive has gone down and I'm happily monogamous (though the monogamy has nothing to do with the sex drive thing).

I have had my total T clear into the 1,000-1,300's consistently over a period of three months (then 22) and I've never had it impact me like this in the least. It didn't suddenly make me want to jump people like a rabid dog. What you're getting is a bona fide excuse. BTW, I'm celibate (as in Asexual) by choice. Always have been, always will be (yes, I'm a 'virgin'). I handle what urges I get (and naturally there have been more with it than without it) like the vast majority of adolescent, teen boy or celibate men: by myself. I'm in the 'sexual prime' at 23 and nearing 24 now, so this isn't coming from someone 'past the prime' and 'winding down' there. Whatever the outcome I hope it is to your benefit. If I weren't Asexual I certainly would not find myself deserving of such a partner and nor would I settle for that line of bull. But that's me. You do what you find best for you. I wish you the best.

High libido does not mean sex with other people. I have a high libido and would never want to venture outside my relationship.

To each their own; if you want an open relationship that's your deal..(if you're not comfortable with it then you need to have a serious discussion) but using an increase in libido as an excuse of wanting to venture outside the relationship is cowardice. We are animals, yes, but as human beings we are also very capable of controlling our urges.

Sorry to jump in, but I love invading the ftm section when I can,lol.  :P

Even though I am a mtf, I know what it's like to have testosterone running through my body.  As horrible as that is (I'm kidding) it doesn't make someone incapable of being monogamous nor does it translate into someone being disinterested in their partner.   To be honest, this sounds like a very convenient excuse.   If you are okay with an open relationship, that's your call.  However, I'd really consider whether the relationship is healthy when you partner doesn't show interest in you and is justifying his emotional and physical cheating (or at the desire to do so).  Whether you have an open relationship or not, that doesn't sound very cool. 

I think he's just bored of the sex with me. He's gotten the same way with previous partners (before testosterone). He fixes it himself a lot, masturbates, that's fine with me, I encourage it. But because he's so dysphoric about down there and is depressed as well he often can't finish. And rarely being able to finish is frustrating. Ive said that I understand the wanting to sleep with other people because the excitement and arousal from being with someone new would probably override the dysphoria and even if it didn't he'd still be able to finish because he would be turned on by the person.
And no his sexual preferences haven't changed, he still only likes girls.

'He can't help himself' means he can't help but feel attraction toward other people. Insinuating that he'd do something bad when he hears the word no from a stranger he wants to knock boots with is creepy.

I can't help myself when I'm hopelessly attracted to everyone around me. That definitely translates into -If I could do it, I'd f*** anything that moves. My husband knows this, and he's perfectly FINE with my confession of being a horndog. Would I actually follow through with it? No. The risks of pregnancy and STDs that I'd transfer to Clark are too high. So I 'keep it in my pants', take care of myself, and drag him into the bedroom when he's got enough energy to actually be interested.

I AM polyamorous, though that really has less to do with sex and more to do with love. I'm currently monogamous because I'm medically transitioning and unwilling to put that much work into forging a secondary relationship.

I'm horny all the time but only want sex with a significant other.  Since I'm currently without, I make do by myself. Having sex with random people or strangers isn't my thing.


Jay

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on September 22, 2013, 12:57:12 AM
Horniness does not equate "wanting to sleep with other people".  A very horny person can masturbate.  A very horny person can have sex as often as mutually agreeable with his own partner.  Being "so horny" that he wants to sleep with everyone sounds like an excuse in my opinion.

That quote has been echoed several times already, but I completely agree. I had a high sex drive before T, it shot up on T, and has never gone down (over 4 years later) and each person Ive been with, I have never had thoughts of wanting to be with someone else to satisfy my urges. If my libido is needing more than what my partner wants to give at the time, then masturbation solves it. For your boyfriends dysphoria to be what supposedly gets in the way of him being satisfied during masturbation, I have no idea how he thinks being with someone else, and having them touch his body, is not going to set it off.

   If I was with someone, and they were saying they wanted sex with other people because Im not enough, Id be offended. Im not saying at all that I need to be told Im amazing...that's not what I mean, but instead being with your partner, if you love them, they should feel more than enough. When I was with my ex, I couldn't get enough of her, even if I was still horny.
   And to be honest, after having been cheated on, I would then take that confession of wanting to have sex with others, as a pre warning and would consider leaving them, as harsh as that sounds. Id never want an open relationship and I think someone seriously wanting to be with others, would only lead to that type of heartache.

Quote from: Make_It_Good on September 23, 2013, 12:56:32 PM
That quote has been echoed several times already, but I completely agree. I had a high sex drive before T, it shot up on T, and has never gone down (over 4 years later) and each person Ive been with, I have never had thoughts of wanting to be with someone else to satisfy my urges. If my libido is needing more than what my partner wants to give at the time, then masturbation solves it. For your boyfriends dysphoria to be what supposedly gets in the way of him being satisfied during masturbation, I have no idea how he thinks being with someone else, and having them touch his body, is not going to set it off.

   If I was with someone, and they were saying they wanted sex with other people because Im not enough, Id be offended. Im not saying at all that I need to be told Im amazing...that's not what I mean, but instead being with your partner, if you love them, they should feel more than enough. When I was with my ex, I couldn't get enough of her, even if I was still horny.
   And to be honest, after having been cheated on, I would then take that confession of wanting to have sex with others, as a pre warning and would consider leaving them, as harsh as that sounds. Id never want an open relationship and I think someone seriously wanting to be with others, would only lead to that type of heartache.

Although it's been said a number of times, I think it's useful to the OP so that they can see that most of us don't think much of this behavior. I also agree re: whether this is a reliable partner. He is basically saying to you that you aren't attractive to him anymore and that he wants a bunch of random stranger partners. I think it says a LOT more about his level of his maturity (very low) than you.

--Jay

Quote from: randomroads on September 23, 2013, 08:34:53 AM
'He can't help himself' means he can't help but feel attraction toward other people. Insinuating that he'd do something bad when he hears the word no from a stranger he wants to knock boots with is creepy.

I certainly see your point, none of us "can help" our attractions. On that we definitely agree. I also think it is better to be honest about it when in a relationship. If I had a partner, I would not assume he was a bad person for saying he felt attracted to someone else. (Although I certainly wouldn't feel happy about it. >.> )

That said: As I read the op, the "can't help it" seems to be used as a reason (excuse) for needing to go through with sleeping with others. And if that is what the boyfriend in question implied, I stand by my statement. That signals a lack of self-control that could end up causing harm. But, as most of us seem to agree on - he's most likely using it as an excuse.

When on T I was single and wanted to jump the bones of every attractive girl I knew but then my emotional feelings for this one girl became crazy and I was still attracted to other girls but I only wanted this girl. Now we are dating and when we started dating I was on T and was still sexually attracted to other people but I never did anything despite the opportunity. It was only ever momentary, my friend bent over in yoga pants, or a girl in short shorts on a ladder. I would be attracted to these individuals but I didn't want to have sex with them.

I think your boyfriend is feeling new sexual impulses and wants to experiment with them. That's on him not testosterone

Thanks everyone, I'm just gonna see how it goes.

And to clarify, him "not being able to help it" was meaning he can't help being so horny and attracted to others and wanting sex with others.
He'd never do anything to hurt anyone.

Quote from: ajg92 on September 27, 2013, 07:54:22 PM
Thanks everyone, I'm just gonna see how it goes.

And to clarify, him "not being able to help it" was meaning he can't help being so horny and attracted to others and wanting sex with others.
He'd never do anything to hurt anyone.

Well I got that part. No, if you are on T chances are you are ridiculously horny, but it still doesn't mean he'd need to have sex with everybody. That's the part I am not buying. I think the association here with rape is this: not that we think he is doing that, but it proves that he has self-control.

--Jay

Quote from: Magnus on September 22, 2013, 09:24:45 PM
It didn't suddenly make me want to jump people like a rabid dog.

It sure did me. But I do have control over my own actions, so I didn't molest anyone.

Well, I don't have another half,
But I can definitely relate to having the feeling of wanting to bone anyone and everyone.
I'm not sure if it would be considered 'common' though. It's an interesting question.