Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well I was in class today my psychology teacher was talking about  Voluntary and involuntary behavior and then she went on to say this one pertains to males and not females when reffering to unwanted boners and and how males have to stay in one spot sometimes, All the guys got it and it took a while for the girls, It made me dysphoric and feel like I'm not a man because every dude laughed at it because they could relate to it, And then I realized I don't have a penis. And I even laughed until I realized that I can't experience it, So it made me feel not just less but not a man at all.







Edited improper language.

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 07:03:28 PM
It's just one of those things man. We all have to deal. I can't get a woman pregnant and I will never know what it is like to have been born with a penis. But it doesn't change the fact that I think, feel, and am a man.

Yea I understand that, I just feel stupid calling myself a man especially in situations like those

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 07:12:13 PM
Dude, I'm a little over a month on T. And I get ma'med every damn time I go to work. Multiple times at work. It frekin sucks. HOWEVER, it doesn't matter. Because I know soon enough I will start to pass more. And even if I didn't, what others think of me is irrelevant. It sucks yeah to be misgendered but I know who I am. And that's a big part of it. Feeling secure with yourself.

It's not everyone else I'm saying I feel stupid fr calling myself a man because when I look in the mirror or when I'm in the shower I see he exact opposite, And I rarely get misgendered unless I make my voice super high which only happens when I get excited

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 07:19:30 PM
Brandon, that's just it. What I am saying is that what matters is you need to be secure with yourself. Physically, you can't do very much. It is what it is until you start T, and even so, it is not the total solution depending on your needs and wants. But you need to learn to accept the fact that your body is the way it is. I'm not saying love it, or even like it, but just accept the fact that it is what you were born with and you are in the process of helping yourself become more of the person you are on the inside.

How when when m body is telling me the exact opposite, Its hard to accept that yea Ive been trying to do that since freshmen year it's just not working at all bruh it's only getting worse to the point were I don't even wanna touch myself down their or my chest

Quote from: Brandon on September 23, 2013, 07:24:17 PM



How when when m body is telling me the exact opposite, Its hard to accept that yea Ive been trying to do that since freshmen year it's just not working at all bruh it's only getting worse to the point were I don't even wanna touch myself down their or my chest

I think your best bet is to just keep thinking about the future. Having a sense that theres a light at the end will help you get past this. Start making a plan for your transition, find reasonable and realistic ways to make it achievable. Set goals for when you want things done. If you feel you will soon be making progress to being in the right body, your feelings now will become more bearable.

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 07:31:11 PM
The harsh reality? Either find yourself a therapist or deal with it. That's the only thing I can tell you. Because again, a lot of guys think that once they start T, all their problems will go away. They don't. And unfortunately, therapy can sometimes be useless to people because they are unwilling to take any advice. A lot of guys who have been transitioning for years, still don't feel entirely happy with their bodies. And dysphoria can shift. Dade has a really great video on this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OeetSOgOl4
The point is, you need to learn to just not think about it. That's pretty much what I do. I look at my chest, and I don't associate it as a part of me. It's there yeah but I don't see it as mine. I've desensitized myself to it pretty much. And that's MY way of coping. You need to find your own way.

You know if I could see a therapist I would but right know I can't, And its kinda hard not to think about it when I hear stuff like that, Never said all problems go away once on T I already know this and probally won't ever really be satisfied then, But it would ease the dysphoria, But thanks!

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 07:31:44 PM
I think your best bet is to just keep thinking about the future. Having a sense that theres a light at the end will help you get past this. Start making a plan for your transition, find reasonable and realistic ways to make it achievable. Set goals for when you want things done. If you feel you will soon be making progress to being in the right body, your feelings now will become more bearable.

That's the point I can't see any light, Ive already set goals I've done everything you said up there, I'm still upset, But yea I have a plan

what's your plan (if you mind sharing, here or in another thread)? Some of the more experienced guys might see some holes or might have suggestions to make things easier. Collective knowledge is great to tap. :)

Wish you the best man, but its hard to be positive if you set yourself up to feel bad.

(I find being slightly delusional helps ;) If I convince myself that I am totally awesomely and manly, I feel fantastic!)

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 07:40:18 PM
Did you ever attend any GSA meetings? Have you made friends with the people in that group. Susans helps everyone out a ton but sometimes it's nice to just experience things in real life with others. This is something else that could maybe help you cope.

No I don't because I feel like its not gonna help because it's gay straight alliance

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 07:45:44 PM
what's your plan (if you mind sharing, here or in another thread)? Some of the more experienced guys might see some holes or might have suggestions to make things easier. Collective knowledge is great to tap. :)

Wish you the best man, but its hard to be positive if you set yourself up to feel bad.

(I find being slightly delusional helps ;) If I convince myself that I am totally awesomely and manly, I feel fantastic!)

Getting a job, Going to college then transitioning from their so maybe my insurrance could cover it

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 07:49:03 PM
Exactly! It's all about having confidence in yourself. It can be hard. And Brandon, if you really do pass most of the time on the street, you really shouldn't be doubting who you are as a person. a penis does not make the man. I know it can be hard when you see yourself in the mirror but at the end of the day, you just gotta be like "who cares?" You are very lucky in the sense that you apparently have no issue passing.

Well I always doubt myself because at the end of day when I go to bathroom or take showers I have nothing dangling between my legs, Yea in my heart I'm a guy but who focuses on the heart anymore especially when it comes to gender/Sex honestly not to be a dick or anything but I had been born with the right parts I'd probally believe my penis made me partially a man to

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 07:54:23 PM
Brandon, they don't just talk about Gay issues. They are a way to make connections, and educate yourself further. Or heck, even educate them. If you keep yourself closed off from people like this who can be a way to further your transition then you aren't helping yourself. Guess what? My friend who is trans and started T around 5 months ahead of me was in the GSA. And he only recently came out as trans. Even though it's a GAY straight alliance, it isn't just gay or straight. There are different aspects to these clubs. Expose yourself to them while you have access to them! And from what I remember the teacher running it is pretty frekin awesome! Don't shut yourself from these opportunities.

Ill consider it

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 08:05:23 PM
Brandon, I'm really trying to help. This is part of your issue. You don't listen to the advice people give you. Many of us are older than you and have gone through a lot of what you're going through this very moment. You had such a fantastic experience with an adult that is actively in your life (your teacher) and she is the GSA leader or whatever. She can help you. Other students can help you. The GSA kids are usually some of the coolest and most open minded kids you can meet.

I said Ill consider, But I have gay friends who don't even understand me

I was reciting Rehraas Sahib just now and came across this which made me think of you: "Remain always with the Lord,.O my mind, and all sufferings will be forgotten." - Raamkalee, Third Mehl, Anand (approximate translation into English)

I know you're a Christian, isn't God supposed to help you? If you believe inGod and Jesus, put your faith in them to help you with GD. That's the end of any adviceI might have for you, you probably won't find this helpful, but I see little point in having a belief if you can't lean on it when you are in need.

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 08:21:35 PM
I was reciting Rehraas Sahib just now and came across this which made me think of you: "Remain always with the Lord,.O my mind, and all sufferings will be forgotten." - Raamkalee, Third Mehl, Anand (approximate translation into English)

I know you're a Christian, isn't God supposed to help you? If you believe inGod and Jesus, put your faith in them to help you with GD. That's the end of any adviceI might have for you, you probably won't find this helpful, but I see little point in having a belief if you can't lean on it when you are in need.

I don't even think God accepts me that's why, Or even takes me seriously I believe in him with all me heart, But I don't think hes pleased with what I'm trying to do

Quote from: Brandon on September 23, 2013, 07:49:25 PM
No I don't because I feel like its not gonna help because it's gay straight alliance

When I was in college I went to a GSA and believe it or not, I met a lot of good friends and they loved me. They even raised money for my top surgery. Don't discount a GSA because it's a GAY-straight alliance.

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 08:29:15 PM
You could find a LGBT friendly church near you. I'm sure there's at least one. I'm not religious in the least bit but maybe attending a church like this would really benefit you. If you believe in God, and all that jazz then you should also believe he created everything, including Gays, Transgender people, etc. Why would God create you just to condemn you? People create hate.

The same reason people have sex before their married but that's another story, I mean I like the church I'm at but I'm probally gonna switch

Quote from: Darrin Scott on September 23, 2013, 08:28:31 PM
When I was in college I went to a GSA and believe it or not, I met a lot of good friends and they loved me. They even raised money for my top surgery. Don't discount a GSA because it's a GAY-straight alliance.

Ok well then I will go check it out one day

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 08:36:22 PM
You are describing something that is a choice Brandon. People do have that choice. But you are Trans. That is NOT a choice. So you are comparing apples and oranges.

I'm sure many will disagree with me but, being trans is not a choice, but transitioning is a choice.  For some it may be a choice between transitioning or living a life of severe depression.  That decision may have an obvious choice to some, but nonetheless, it is still technically a choice.

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 08:36:22 PM
You are describing something that is a choice Brandon. People do have that choice. But you are Trans. That is NOT a choice. So you are comparing apples and oranges.

Well yea being trans isn't a choice I'm just saying theirs alot of things God let be created that he comdemned, But Ill save that for the religious section

Quote from: Anonymous User on September 23, 2013, 08:42:58 PM
I'm sure many will disagree with me but, being trans is not a choice, but transitioning is a choice.  For some it may be a choice between transitioning or living a life of severe depression.  That decision may have an obvious choice to some, but nonetheless, it is still technically a choice.

Yea being trans isn't a choice but yes transitioning is, But like Androidnick said it can be a life/death situation

Quote from: Brandon on September 23, 2013, 08:44:18 PM

Well yea being trans isn't a choice I'm just saying theirs alot of things God let be created that he comdemned, But Ill save that for the religious section

Only because it was corrupted by Satan right?

Just don't feel do down on yourself. I am sure you're a cool dude, try to love yourself, allow others to love you. You seem to be looking for a reason to feel bad. Just let go, and you'll be free. :)

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 08:48:19 PM
I do get what you're saying. But for some people it is literally life or death. For some it isn't simply living in depression. So in that sense, it isn't a choice at all. If you want to look at it in a literal sense then yes you are correct. But to simplify it in such a way is kind of ignorant. (I'm in no way trying to offend you or fight you. Scouts honor! ha!) But yeah, I will agree to disagree.

Right, some Jehovah's Witnesses won't take donated blood, even if it will save their life.  That is sometimes a choice between life and death and they would be choosing death.  Being trans and not transitioning isn't deadly in itself.  You still have to make the choice to end your life.  If you believe that both transitioning and suicide are wrong and are going to condemn you, I have a lot of sympathy for you, but you might see it as God testing you.  Our life here on Earth is relatively short if you believe in eternal heaven and if that suffering may be the choice between eternal happiness and eternal damnation, then the right choice isn't so clear.

It is for this reason that I think that simplifying it as a choice between life and death on Earth is kind of ignorant

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 08:51:37 PM
Only because it was corrupted by Satan right?

Just don't feel do down on yourself. I am sure you're a cool dude, try to love yourself, allow others to love you. You seem to be looking for a reason to feel bad. Just let go, and you'll be free. :)

Yea I am a cool dude sure, Stuff like that i always gonna bother me though not trying to be funny I'm being real, It hurts, I love who I am on the inside sure, But ill never like the fact that I'm physically female, And I know plenty of people who don't love themselves but still have people that do

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 08:55:25 PM
Sometimes we do make things worse for ourselves unintentionally. Even though we might think we aren't trying to make things worse for ourselves, we are. Heck, I will use myself as an example. When my friend got on T, I was extremely bitter which now makes me extremely sad. But I can't change what happened. All I did was get dysphoric about the situation. I'd complain and be mopey. Guess what? That didn't get me on T. Complaining and not taking action was the exact opposite of what I needed to do. I needed to take action, and figure things out for myself. Make an effort to actually achieve what I wanted. You need to do things that benefit you.

Quote



Well I mean I'm kinda young and alone in all of this, Don't really have motivation, The only reason I haven't commited suicide yet is because my cisgendered female friend who's a senoir know told me not to give up, That's the only reason I'm here otherwise I would have been dead before I even joined this sight

Focusing on body parts making a man is counter productive, so that's the first thing you need to try and address.

Not all cis men have a penis.  Some have a tiny penis.  And some men suffer from gynecomastia.

Yup, that's right.  Some men don't have a penis, or have a tiny penis, and some men have boobs, and they're not all trans.  And I know you'll hit back with how they're a minority but here's a question to ask yourself: If a soldier lost his genitalia in an IED explosion, would you dare call him a woman because of that?  That's more of a man than many of us could even dream of being and I'd just dare some loser to call them less of a man because of an injury.

I studied medicine and I can tell you that these problems absolutely do exist.  And just like when you were skeptical about a lot of men having fertility problems; men having boobs or lacking genitalia is not something men will exactly share with other men, but they often do seek medical attention!  There's only one cis male I know in person who has personally shared with me that he injured his penis in a childhood accident (climbing a sharp pointed fence) and doesn't have much to show today because of it.  Otherwise there could be plenty of folks who either have a very small penis, or perhaps none.  Maybe they're inter-sex?  Who knows?  It's not something one advertises to the world normally.

I've said it before and I'll say it again here.  The brain is what makes the man, not the body.  Does that mean we won't get dysphoric?  Hell no!  Everyone just wants to be normal but I try to think of my dysphoria as being similar to cis men suffering gynecomastia or who lost their penis through injury.  That's what helps me keep my dysphoria in check.  If I think that even cis males can feel this level of dysphoria it makes me feel more of a man than less.  I'm dysphoric BECAUSE I'm a man, so how can that be faking?  That's my logic at least.

I realize I may be getting too religious for the non-religious section, I just think it is wrong to say that the choice between transition and suicide is an obvious one for some people.

Quote from: Jack_M on September 23, 2013, 09:04:46 PM
Focusing on body parts making a man is counter productive, so that's the first thing you need to try and address.

Not all cis men have a penis.  Some have a tiny penis.  And some men suffer from gynecomastia.

Yup, that's righ
t.  Some men don't have a penis, or have a tiny penis, and some men have boobs, and they're not all trans.  And I know you'll hit back with how they're a minority but here's a question to ask yourself: If a soldier lost his genitalia in an IED explosion, would you dare call him a woman because of that?  That's more of a man than many of us could even dream of being and I'd just dare some loser to call them less of a man because of an injury.

I studied medicine and I can tell you that these problems absolutely do exist.  And just like when you were skeptical about a lot of men having fertility problems, men having boobs or lacking genitalia is not something men will exactly share with other men, but they often do seek medical attention!  There's only one cis male I know in person who has personally shared with me that he injured his penis in a childhood accident (climbing a sharp pointed fence) and doesn't have much to show today because of it.  Otherwise there could be plenty of folks who either have a very small penis, or perhaps none.  Maybe they're inter-sex?  Who knows?  It's not something one advertises to the world normally.

I've said it before and I'll say it again here.  The brain is what makes the man, not the body.  Does that mean we won't get dysphoric?  Hell no!  Everyone just wants to be normal but I try to think of my dysphoria as being similar to cis men suffering gynecomastia or who lost their penis through injury.  That's what helps me keep my dysphoria in check.  If I think that even cis males can feel this level of dysphoria is makes me fee


l more of a man than less.  I'm dysphoric BECAUSE I'm a man, so how can that be faking?  That's my logic at least.

I already know all that man, And Ive hear that same example alot, Th point is, Is that he still had a penis so of course no one is gonna consider him a woman because when he was born he didn't come out with a vagina, And had to experience nasty ass menstural cycles every month, I'm not saying that's what makes a man all man but at the moment I still feel stupid telling people I'm a guy because they look at me like I'm f_ing crazy

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 09:07:57 PM
It sounds like you got offended by what he said. Like everyone else on here, he is trying to offer you constructive criticism Brandon. Sometimes having a sense of humor is a way of coping as well. And the way you put your last statement is like "Well I know that there are plenty of people unhappy with their bodies, but still there are people that like their bodies so this sucks and I'm gonna go ahead and have an even bigger moping fest". Brandon, you should be happy that there are people that are happy with themselves. I don't want other people suffering the way some of us have to. It shouldn't make you bitter that others are happy. That's a big part of growing up.

You misread what I said not talking about the trans thing I'm talking about people in general and no I didn't get offended by what he said

Quote from: Anonymous User on September 23, 2013, 09:05:12 PM
I realize I may be getting too religious for the non-religious section, I just think it is wrong to say that the choice between transition and suicide is an obvious one for some people.

I agree but I've heard for alot of people it's either transition or killing themselves I'm one of those people, But it triggers off and on, I haven't done anything yet because of my friend, She told me not to, She would cry if I did that

Being 17 months into T, I can tell you that this feeling absolutely does go away. I felt that way until a few months ago - because I didn't pass at all. But now, I am starting to feel OK with myself and I don't feel like less of a man than a cisgender man. It was a horrible feeling when I had it, and I hate to know anyone else feels that way, BUT I can promise you that it will get easier when you are able to transition physically.

Quote from: caleb. on September 23, 2013, 09:20:35 PM
Being 17 months into T, I can tell you that this feeling absolutely does go away. I felt that way until a few months ago - because I didn't pass at all. But now, I am starting to feel OK with myself and I don't feel like less of a man than a cisgender man. It was a horrible feeling when I had it, and I hate to know anyone else feels that way, BUT I can promise you that it will get easier when you are able to transition physically.

Yea I'm sure it does

Quote from: Brandon on September 23, 2013, 09:12:11 PM

I already know all that man, And Ive hear that same example alot, Th point is, Is that he still had a penis so of course no one is gonna consider him a woman because when he was born he didn't come out with a vagina, And had to experience nasty ass menstural cycles every month, I'm not saying that's what makes a man all man but at the moment I still feel stupid telling people I'm a guy because they look at me like I'm f_ing crazy

Again, this is assuming body parts make the gender.

Why can't you see a therapist?  You've convinced yourself that you can't, but could you not get a part time job and save to see one?  Couldn't you talk to a counselor at school?  Or maybe that accepting teacher might let you have a one to one conversation with them.  Or other GSA students who'd be more accepting.  Just talking about it would help.

Are there any trans groups in your area?  Today with the internet it's so easy to find groups and/or other FTMs in the area that you can chat with either online or in person and find more local information.

It's time to get pro-active.  Your problems are in no way unique.  Lots and lots and lots of people have had similar issues, and lots of people have had it worse.  I had to plan to actually move to a whole other country, on my own to get things started and I couldn't start until 28 years old!  You're young.  You know what you want.  Your plan will be put in motion far before a lot of other people, or folks in less accepting environments where transitioning isn't even possible.

Focus more on what you can do and finding a way to do it and less about what you can never change.

Quote from: Brandon on September 23, 2013, 09:18:52 PM


I agree but I've heard for alot of people it's either transition or killing themselves I'm one of those people, But it triggers off and on, I haven't done anything yet because of my friend, She told me not to, She would cry if I did that

Don't do anything, listen to your friend (and others here who speak from experience). Life does get better if you give it a chance. Like others here, I had times where I was super depressed. I used to do security t a tall building  I had keys to the roof, and I knew if I jumped, I would die. I thought about jumping every night I went to work. Later on and moving elsewhere I considered jumping into s river during the middle of a cold winter, knowing I'd die if I did. Being dead seemed better then going home to an abusive spouse.

Now, I am as happy as a clam. My life isn't perfect, but I am glad to be here. Life gets better Brandon, you'll be able to take control of your life soon and bring it in the direction you'll want.

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 09:27:31 PM
Don't do anything, listen to your friend (and others here who speak from experience). Life does get better if you give it a chance. Like others here, I had times where I was super depressed. I used to do security t a tall building  I had keys to the roof, and I knew if I jumped, I would die. I thought about jumping every night I went to work. Later on and moving elsewhere I considered jumping into s river during the middle of a cold winter, knowing I'd die if I did. Being dead seemed better then going home to an abusive spouse.

Now, I am as happy as a clam. My life isn't perfect, but I am glad to be here. Life gets better Brandon, you'll be able to take control of your life soon and bring it in the direction you'll want.

But honestly if she never would have told me that I would be dead

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 09:27:31 PM
Don't do anything, listen to your friend (and others here who speak from experience). Life does get better if you give it a chance. Like others here, I had times where I was super depressed. I used to do security t a tall building  I had keys to the roof, and I knew if I jumped, I would die. I thought about jumping every night I went to work. Later on and moving elsewhere I considered jumping into s river during the middle of a cold winter, knowing I'd die if I did. Being dead seemed better then going home to an abusive spouse.

Now, I am as happy as a clam. My life isn't perfect, but I am glad to be here. Life gets better Brandon, you'll be able to take control of your life soon and bring it in the direction you'll want.

Things like this help so much. Seeing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of the day, I see it this way. We can't let our suffering break us. Let it make you stronger. And spin it positively. I see it as yeah I've suffered, but because I know what it's like to be at such a low point, I can appreciate how beautiful the happy moments can be.

I know man, it's okay.  You need a hug Brandon *hugs* Like nick says, the bad makes you better.

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 09:32:36 PM
I know man, it's okay.  You need a hug Brandon *hugs* Like nick says, the bad makes you better.

Yea it's making me stronger I just don't know how to manage dysphoria

I think the gay straight alliance might have people who are trans or gender variant in some way. If you have an average size school, it's likely that there are other trans people. I taught in a middle school with 600+ kids and am pretty sure that I had trans or gender variant kids. Not sure they identified that way. But some of them will identify as gay for awhile. You might find some kindred spirits as well as people who would be interested in being an ally. The ones here do some cool activities as well, so you might get in on some activities.

The penis doesn't identify someone as a man. It identifies someone as having a male body without some kind of deficits. A man with a micropenis, a man with injures his penis in war, and a trans man are still men.


--Jay

I've been on T for a little over a year and a half (I think) and I still get this feeling from time to time. It's just one of those messy problems of life that everybody faces, transpeople in particular for this particular problem. I'm in the process of applying for an amendment to my birth certificate, and I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow doing someone wrong. Like my vagina makes me a fake.

I think we all deal with this. In my case, T alleviated it somewhat and made it far less frequent, but it didn't make me cis so it didn't solve it.

Quote from: aleon515 on September 23, 2013, 10:45:24 PM
I think the gay straight alliance might have people who are trans or gender variant in some way. If you have an average size school, it's likely that there are other trans people. I taught in a middle school with 600+ kids and am pretty sure that I had trans or gender variant kids. Not sure they identified that way. But some of them will identify as gay for awhile. You might find some kindred spirits as well as people who would be interested in being an ally. The ones here do some cool activities as well, so you might get in on some activities.

The penis doesn't identify someone as a man. It identifies someone as having a male body without some kind of deficits. A man with a micropenis, a man with injures his penis in war, and a trans man are still men.


--Jay

Yea I get that, But I'm hear that last part plenty of times before

Quote from: broken. on September 23, 2013, 11:44:44 PM
Drama aside... sorry you're feeling like that Brandon :( *hugs* ... I think I know that feeling too...

Yea, It sucks

Quote from: Brandon on September 24, 2013, 05:55:00 AM

Yea I get that, But I'm hear that last part plenty of times before

Doesn't make it less true, mate. In fact, may make it MORE true.

I agree with Jack that you need to start with being more proactive. What's going to make you feel better and how do you get yourself there. I realize you're a minor, so maybe your goal is going to be "do really well in school so you can go to any school you want" or "graduate so I can go to college" or "get a part time job so I can start saving for stuff"  or whatever.  (Economic power means a lot in the US, or perhaps anywhere) I am mentoring a couple young guys your age and that's what I kind of work with with them.


--Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on September 24, 2013, 01:49:19 PM

Doesn't make it less true, mate. In fact, may make it MORE true.

I agree with Jack that you need to start with being more proactive. What's going to make you feel better and how do you get yourself there. I realize you're a minor, so maybe your goal is going to be "do really well in school so you can go to any school you want" or "graduate so I can go to college" or "get a part time job so I can start saving for stuff"  or whatever.  (Economic power means a lot in the US, or perhaps anywhere) I am mentoring a couple young guys your age and that's what I kind of work with with them.




--Jay

Well it's kinda hard to see it that way when I have to deal nasty ass cycles every month this is why It makes me feel stupid to call myself a guy, Guys sure and the hell don't have thoes

Quote from: ثنائية بين الجنسين on September 23, 2013, 08:59:53 PM
Right, Jehovah's Witnesses won't take donated blood, even if it will save their life.  That is sometimes a choice between life and death and they would be choosing death.  Being trans and not transitioning isn't deadly in itself.  You still have to make the choice to end your life.  If you believe that both transitioning and suicide are wrong and are going to condemn you, I have a lot of sympathy for you, but you might see it as God testing you.  Our life here on Earth is relatively short if you believe in eternal heaven and if that suffering may be the choice between eternal happiness and eternal damnation, then the right choice isn't so clear.

It is for this reason that I think that simplifying it as a choice between life and death on Earth is kind of ignorant

Pardon me, as someone who was raised J.W. I think it is quite offensive to make a general Statement like "J.W's wont accept donated blood". I think it's wise to avoid blanket statements when discussing religion.  I am sure you agree. *Excuse the off topic nature of my post please.

Quote from: chuck on September 24, 2013, 03:40:01 PM
Pardon me, as someone who was raised J.W. I think it is quite offensive to make a general Statement like "J.W's wont accept donated blood". I think it's wise to avoid blanket statements when discussing religion.  I am sure you agree. *Excuse the off topic nature of my post please.

Sorry, it was my understanding that it was part of being Jehovah's Witness.  I meant no offense.  Offending post has been modified.

Quote from: Brandon on September 24, 2013, 03:30:33 PM



Well it's kinda hard to see it that way when I have to deal nasty ass cycles every month this is why It makes me feel stupid to call myself a guy, Guys sure and the hell don't have thoes

You mean cis-gendered guys right? Because I am a guy and I still have to deal with that monthly problem as well. I know what it is like to be in your situation as do a lot of people who are posting on here and trying to help you. But, I also know that no matter how much good advice someone is given the first step has to start with them. Take those options that are available to you and see where they go. Maybe you wont find a very best friend in the GSA at your school but you never know unless you try. I hope you find yourself and the support you need.

Quote from: thatboyfresh on September 24, 2013, 07:47:05 PM
You mean cis-gendered guys right? Because I am a guy and I still have to deal with that monthly problem as well. I know what it is like to be in your situation as do a lot of people who are posting on here and trying to help you. But, I also know that no matter how much good advice someone is given the first step has to start with them. Take those options that are available to you and see where they go. Maybe you wont find a very best friend in the GSA at your school but you never know unless you try. I hope you find yourself and the support you need.

Yea cis guys,

Those monthly messes get to me every month, no guy would ever accept bleeding monthly that they couldn't control.

How about thinking of it another way? Cis guys don't have to deal with what we do. They don't know the pain and misery of bleeding, the constant reminder of a body that is betraying your mind, the battle with society to be accepted. Do you think the fact that every day you have to fight and to overcome so many obstacles to be the man you are makes you LESS of a man? The fact you grew up at odds with your body before realising why (I know this is a generalised thing and not everybody is/was this way). The fact that YOU realised you were a man despite that society says you were female makes you less of a man than someone who had it handed to them on a plate, never having to have the same self-discovery that trans people go through? I'd say that makes someone MORE of a man. 

Quote from: MaximmusFlavius on September 25, 2013, 12:45:20 PM
How about thinking of it another way? Cis guys don't have to deal with what we do. They don't know the pain and misery of bleeding, the constant reminder of a body that is betraying your mind, the battle with society to be accepted. Do you think the fact that every day you have to fight and to overcome so many obstacles to be the man you are makes you LESS of a man? The fact you grew up at odds with your body before realising why (I know this is a generalised thing and not everybody is/was this way). The fact that YOU realised you were a man despite that society says you were female makes you less of a man than someone who had it handed to them on a plate, never having to have the same self-discovery that trans people go through? I'd say that makes





someone MORE of a man.

I see it that way but know one else will because at the end of the day I'm still stuck with a horrible female body

Quote from: androidnick on September 25, 2013, 03:34:32 PM
My fiancee has never seen me as a woman. And she had seen all of me. You are young. Haven't met everyone in the world as of yet. Don't assume. And according to you, you pass. Brandon just stop, think, no more complaining. And TRY to find some shred of happiness in the world. When you focus on the bad you'll only ever see the bad.

So you aspect me to look at my body everyday and try and be happy with it, You aspect to not get fustrated every day when looking at other guys, You fail to realize I'm still young your older your getting ready to get married so of course you
can say that know

Quote from: MaximmusFlavius on September 25, 2013, 12:45:20 PM
How about thinking of it another way? Cis guys don't have to deal with what we do. They don't know the pain and misery of bleeding, the constant reminder of a body that is betraying your mind, the battle with society to be accepted. Do you think the fact that every day you have to fight and to overcome so many obstacles to be the man you are makes you LESS of a man? The fact you grew up at odds with your body before realising why (I know this is a generalised thing and not everybody is/was this way). The fact that YOU realised you were a man despite that society says you were female makes you less of a man than someone who had it handed to them on a plate, never having to have the same self-discovery that trans people go through? I'd say that makes someone MORE of a man.

And honestly how you worded that made me feel like I'm not guy at all even though I know that wasn't your intention

Quote from: androidnick on September 25, 2013, 03:52:49 PM
Lol that does it for me. Brandon what you need isn't T. It is a big fat dose of grow the hell up. This person made a frekin AMAZING point. But you go and take it like that? Whatever

Android- perfectly stated.

Quote from: androidnick on September 25, 2013, 03:46:38 PM
Lol Jesus Christ. You think I look at my body every day and don't get frustrated? Or maybe because I'm older I fail to notice cis male bodies? Trust me Brandon EVERYONE on this site knows you are young. Which is why we tolerate a lot and have tried to help you. Just because I'm moving on with my life and have a fiancee doesn't mean my life somehow magically got better, there is no dysphoria. Seriously this is why people here are rubbed the wrong way Brandon. You really seem to just want to complain/troll/idk what else.

You misread what I said, You know theirs one thing my mom always told me, Help yourself before you can help someone else, Your still dysphoric you haven't even helped yourself yet maybe that's why th advice you have given hasn't worked for me in this thread, But you have been in other ones, I'm not tryin to troll, Over the years my dysphoria has gotten worse, And as a religious guy I'm filled with anger and rage because I'm still trying to figure out why God couldn't have done something about like be blessed with a male body instead of it just making me stronger, I'm honestly am trying to find some type of happiness in all of this, I think if more cis people accepted me and seen me as male maybe I wouldn't be that upset

Quote from: androidnick on September 25, 2013, 03:52:49 PM
Lol that does it for me. Brandon what you need isn't T. It is a big fat dose of grow the hell up. This person made a frekin AMAZING point. But you go and take it like that? Whatever

Bro you need to chill out, I was just saying

You should just distract yourself by focusing on getting an education. That will help you transition because more opportunities for jobs will be open to you, you can get away faster and move further, and sound clearer when discussing your feelings with your therapist (once you get a gender therapist). Just focus on your studies the best you can, it's possible, just buckle down and study.

You said you wanted to go to college, but the work to get there starts now. (Put the word "aspect" in dictionary.com for starters ;) ).  This is the first step in your transition, use your school resources, stuff on YouTube, etc.

As beingsomeone who is probably a decade older than you, I can say that it is possible focus on school because it's harder to save up for transition when you have a dead end job. You seem to think all us older members are unable to relate to you, that you are somehow different from us. The only thing that makes you different is that you lack the wealth of experience we have. You come for advice, but don't want to listen to our experiences.

Quote from: Brandon on September 25, 2013, 03:58:45 PM

You misread what I said, You know theirs one thing my mom always told me, Help yourself before you can help someone else, Your still dysphoric you haven't even helped yourself yet maybe that's why th advice you have given hasn't worked for me in this thread, But you have been in other ones, I'm not tryin to troll, Over the years my dysphoria has gotten worse, And as a religious guy I'm filled with anger and rage because I'm still trying to figure out why God couldn't have done something about like be blessed with a male body instead of it just making me stronger, I'm honestly am trying to find some type of happiness in all of this, I think if more cis people accepted me and seen me as male maybe I wouldn't be that upset

Brandon. Try to stop just for second. Stop being defensive and listen (I know it's hard, I can be defensive too) Think about what you are doing. You argue with almost every single post. Even the post above is an example you arguing about why you argue. Calm down, take a deep a breath and consider that the people you're (you are) asking advice from might be trying to help you. By the way, I am ten years on T, post phalloplasty and there are times i still dysphoric (Pretty rare I must admit, but it still happens). If you want advice, ask for it. If you want to rant and complain (that's okay too!) but tell us that you just want to complain. Then people will know that you are expecting empathy/sympathy/understanding and not advice. Life is hard, yes. But we move beyond it by learning. You need to consider the option that you might be wrong. 

Quote from: Brandon on September 25, 2013, 03:58:45 PM

You misread what I said, You know theirs one thing my mom always told me, Help yourself before you can help someone else, Your still dysphoric you haven't even helped yourself yet maybe that's why th advice you have given hasn't worked for me in this thread, But you have been in other ones, I'm not tryin to troll, Over the years my dysphoria has gotten worse, And as a religious guy I'm filled with anger and rage because I'm still trying to figure out why God couldn't have done something about like be blessed with a male body instead of it just making me stronger, I'm honestly am trying to find some type of happiness in all of this, I think if more cis people accepted me and seen me as male maybe I wouldn't be that upset

Lol, you're in the wrong place to come for support if you think people who still have dysphoria can't help you.

As a religious person myself (Sikh not Christin) I have to say your anger is in the wrong place. God won't help you if you don't  appreciate the good in your life. Find a different religion if it isn't working for you. God doesn't put you here to have a perfect life, you were born faab for a reason, maybe there was a lesson for you to learn. Either way, anger doesn't fix anything, moving on does.

Let's all take a breather.  Thanks.

Brandon,

I was going to say something all Global Moderator-ish, but really I think you should listen to the other guys here, who have posted in your thread. There's a lot of wisdom in what they say, and how they've lived their lives. And I think you could do a lot worse than taking on board some of what they're saying to you. Just... put your frustration aside for a second and listen to other people who have been where you are, and dealt with what you've dealt with, okay? There are ways and means of getting through how you feel, or at the least dealing with it. Making side-swipes at other folks isn't helpful and does nothing to encourage people to comment on what you're going through.

I know you're hurting sometime, hon. We all do. This is part of the burden we bear. But honestly, the guys here are some of the most switched-on, clued-in and all-round adjusted people I've ever known. So you could do a lot worse than listen to what they're saying. :)