Susan's Place Transgender Resources

That's the day I will be going to see my therapist for the very first time and I will be taking my coming out to my parents letter with me for her to read. I'm excited, elated, and happy for what's about to happen on the 9th. This will be the first in physical real life person that I will have ever come out too. I spent all day Sunday and just now finished it while sporadically writing then walking away and coming back to write more on how I felt and what all I wanted to say and I think I've covered everything they need to know. Some may know that I have two working plans on how I want to come out to my parents and based off of how well things go with the therapist then I'm thinking about giving my parents my letter to my parents on the 11th and see what goes on from there. It will be a tough night for sure as I have no idea what to expect. I poured my soul into this letter and I hope it answers most of their questions and clears any doubts they might have of me transitioning.

Phew I'm ready to go to bed for a few hours and get up at 5:30 to go to work now, what a long emotional day it's been but darn do I feel absolutely amazing after writing the letter. So much weight feels like it's already been lifted off of my shoulders :laugh:

I feel very happy for you. Realizing who we are is hard. I hope things work out well for you in this journey. Remember if anything happens we are all here for you. The great thing about this forum is everyone really cares. You hurt we all hurt. You do well we all smile with you. Keep us posted. BIG HUG  :)

Bona fortuna amicae! :D

I hope it goes well for you!

Good luck, but remeber when you send it to you mom, the human element is unpredictable, but even if it goes bad we are here, i am here to help (i am here if you need me).

Thanks for the kind words everyone! Jessica & Xhianil, that's the thing I love the most about this place. No matter what we all can find support on here from so many of the members who are going through the same problems to help us through the tough times.

Also, I had a lot more to write about in my letter and I now think I have said every word I needed to say in it. When I first began to write it I could barely type in Dear Mom and Dad and maybe start a sentence or two and now here it is after 2 days up to nearly 5,000 words. Next step is to take it with me on Wednesday and show it to my therapist!

Congrats on writing the letter!  Believe me, I realize how hard that is.  I cried my whole way throughout and it took me forever.  Good luck and hope it goes well! :)

Quote from: learningtolive on October 08, 2013, 07:10:05 AM
Congrats on writing the letter!  Believe me, I realize how hard that is.  I cried my whole way throughout and it took me forever.  Good luck and hope it goes well! :)

I cried a lot too, there's so much of my emotions that I put into it and it shows. I'll find out tomorrow when I show it to my therapist! So eager for it to be the 9th already.

Wish me luck, I'm about to head out to see the therapist now. I'm so excited & scared at the same time but nothings going to hold me back from taking this step in life :D

Best of luck Megan!!!

megan I am so happy for you to write a letter and letting the therapists review it. Let us know how it goes. Its very scary to come out to your parents because you dont know what to expect for their reaction. i wish your parents will understand what you wrote and support you through all of this.

Thanks Bethany and Izzy!

It won't be till maybe early next month when I tell my parents. I don't dread doing it no where near as much but I still have a lot of work to do with the therapist.

She was great, I went in there and sat on the couch then she closed the office door, sat down across from me and asked what I was here to see her about. Big gulp! Then I said I'm transgender. Talk about feeling relief, my gaaaawwwwwwwdddddddd talk about relief oh it was so nice to say that and to hear her say everything is ok. Then we talked about my history asking the typical questions. When did you feel this way, what made you not be able to tell someone..ect Then skimmed over my coming out letter and started asking me questions as she was reading it. She said she was going to re read it in full and digest everything I said in it, I think she could see that I have a very hard to expressing myself to another person but can get out just about every word possible when it comes to putting it down on paper. She did mention that a lot of my letter seemed to be centered around my mom which is true as I think my Dad will be fine with everything but my mom has many issues of her own that's she's dealt with for years and I feel really bad as I think I'm just going to add more crap onto her plate. I've been stuck in my bubble for so long it's hard for me to open up to another human in person. She did tell me about all of her other patients that came out to their family that all but one had positive reactions and weren't rejected by their family. Very calming and comforting words for me to hear.
She asked about my work and my fears about coming out. I told her a story about a trans woman from work and the issues she faced that eventually got her fired. Was very hard to talk about that about how it just reinforced all of my current fears to the core but she was happy that I did learn something from it. That when I do get that far I don't need to get hung up on pronouns and where or not I'm called by my name or my real name. Then she started talking about her process for people who are transgender, it will be a little while before I can start HRT which is ok as I still have some BIG issues to work out and in about a week and a half I go back in for a 2 hour long session with lots of paperwork to get more history on me and to lay out a path to where we are going. As much as I want to start HRT NOW! I know it's for the better and I actually did agree with her on that aspect as there's no reason to rush things right now. Next time I see her I think i'll ask about getting on Testosterone blockers at least just to put my body on "hold" for the moment.
She even asked me about having any suicidal thoughts, thankfully even though all the pain I've been in for years I've never had thoughts like that but I did tell here that if I was ever in a situation where some kind of accident happened like a car crash and say my arm was cut off and I was bleeding out that I think I would just let myself go into the light and would not fight to stay alive. I hope nothing like that ever happens to me as it was terrible to say as I should never feel like I don't want to live but it was the truth and I want to be 100% honest with her through all of this.
Then we see each other weekly for one hour for one month and gave me a daily log for exercise, medicine usage, mood, sleep, irritability, comments to show her at the beginning of each session. The best part was when she began telling me about her history and how screwed up backwards this bible belt state was when she first came here 10 years ago and how much things have changed. I didn't realize it until after I got home that she was trying to reassure me that things aren't NOWHERE near as bad as I think they are here in my mind. She didn't give me a figure but she did say that about 25% of her patients are trans and hinted that it's a lot of people and that I didn't have to feel alone here. She also went on a little bit of a tirade about how other doctors in the area charge extra for LGBT issue patients and how she strongly dislikes that as she treats everyone equally. Did I say I like her already? She's awesome! :D
Then we talked about finances as it's an important discussion to have. She didn't want me being in a bad position to start my transition with a rocky foundation as she knows what can happen in those cases. I told her my plans are to take it easyish but I had no plans on detouring from my path. Time to play the budget shuffle in excel!

She did tell me to never use the word normal again when I talk about how I want to feel. Congruent with my real gender is the way I should express it, and hey that makes sense as what is the REAL definition of being normal? Nothing can really be called normal. As we finished up she looked at my one page paper work and said I see you put Megan down as your preferred name to be called. With a smile I said yep then I got up and asked her if I could hug her as I really wanted one badly. She gave me a nice tight warm one and I almost lost it but kept my composure while thanking her for being there because I really needed this moment to happen. I really did mean it as she was the only therapist in my general area that actually listed LGBT issues & resources on her profile after spending hours and hours searching. Every other one I saw didn't mention it or said that they will not deal with those issues. She could tell as I know I was shaking at that point and she reminded to breath deep when my anxiety and emotions started getting too strong for me to handle.

I left her office feeling absolutely amazing, all the anxiety & fear were difficult to handle but I finally made that first step! :D

I forgot to mention they have a men's, women's & family bathroom so when I do start presenting out in public I can go there and not feel uncomfortable by having to use either bathroom or cause any troubles by doing so.

Yay! Congrats on the good meeting! It's great to see one can go well!

Quote from: Xhianil on October 09, 2013, 09:23:09 PM
Yay! Congrats on the good meeting! It's great to see one can go well!

Thanks Xhianil!
It really was a surprising revelation in what seems like a bad place that there can actually be some good people hidden in plain sight. 

congratulations on your first visit and it seemed like a very positive experience for you. I am happy that you are working on a plan because when your prepared good things start to happen.

Quote from: izzy on October 10, 2013, 03:43:09 PM
congratulations on your first visit and it seemed like a very positive experience for you. I am happy that you are working on a plan because when your prepared good things start to happen.

Thanks Izzy,
If it were up to me i'd already have a note for the endo but she is the conductor of this train and I have to respect that because she has been in this position with many trans individuals and knows when one is ready to start the journey for real as she doesn't like start and stoppers then starters again.

I'm debating if I want to present as female for my next appointment. I really want to but I may not be able to overcome the fear associated with going out in public quite yet but I think I'm going to try to do something for my evaluation session that's coming up in a week and a half. You got to try as they say when it comes to overcoming those nasty fears. 

Go ahead & dress nice on your next meet. Just dress the way you feel, a woman. Try not to even think of anything else just dress normal for yourself. Once seeing a physician for my first HRT I was dressed as a male for our first meeting. The physician asked me if I cross dressed & I told him I was cross dressed right this moment wearing mens clothes. He gladly wrote my first E scrip.

Good luck moving forward.

Hey Megan congratulations and good timing.  Its national coming out day or month or something. :)  More importantly its special for you.  i hope you are dressing as Megan privately at home and will feel comfortable going out and presenting as you wish.  I was astounded by how good it felt and how little anyone but me really cared or noticed when I started full time before HRT.

Things really are a tremendously different now.  I tried to figure it out in an era before there were gender therapists readily available.  I thought going to San Francisco to see a psychologist would help but barely got beyond crying and saying that i did not feel like a man.  Back in Oregon another psychologist tried to convince me that I was not Bi but going through becoming gay and that I was just a girly "bottom."  It took me more than 30 more years to finally knock down the walls of fear and denial I had created.

Ya, you already are normal and it seems that you had a very thoughtful and comprehensive start with your therapist.

You rock girl!

Thanks francisann & Tessa!

I've been living at home as Megan full time for about 3 months now. I love it and now I want to start getting out of my comfort zone and out into the world. Just gotta take baby steps at first.

I don't know if I'll be able to come out to my folks tonight. My therapist gave me a lot on great advise and told me about other peoples family reactions. After 20 years of suppressing this all I can see in front of me is mount everest and all of my fears that I have to climb over to get to the top. I want to tell them soon as possible. I'm the only road block in all of this.

I was too drained emotionally last night to post this here after I posted it in the mtf national coming out day thread.

Today was a terrible day. I tried to come out to my parents but everything went sour with my mom & sister/her daughter drama. That put mom into too much of a bad emotional state after my sis and her family left to go to their home. I ended up bawling my eyes out as I drove the 30 miles back to my home. I am so frustrated at my sister right now. She ruined the whole night with her typical antics of being a jerk to the family when she has her stepson for the weekend when we have our weekly family get together dinner. All I wanted was to be able to talk to them alone after my SIS's family left. Arrrgghh.

So my new plan to come out is for tomorrow. I can only hope that my parents have minimal contact with family related drama when they go to a ball game in the morning so I can come out during lunch after I get off of work. I don't need that kind of drama + what I'm going to tell them all mixed together. I know that scenario would not turn out well. Its gonna be tough enough as is just laying my issues out on the table for them to handle

Glad to hear you are planning to "set the table" in a better frame of mind.  This is a significant disclosure and you deserve their attention.  I know you will do your best to remain cool and calm, listening and allowing them time to reflect and digest this new you information.

Quote from: Megan on October 12, 2013, 07:03:47 AM
I was too drained emotionally last night to post this here after I posted it in the mtf national coming out day thread.

Today was a terrible day. I tried to come out to my parents but everything went sour with my mom & sister/her daughter drama. That put mom into too much of a bad emotional state after my sis and her family left to go to their home. I ended up bawling my eyes out as I drove the 30 miles back to my home. I am so frustrated at my sister right now. She ruined the whole night with her typical antics of being a jerk to the family when she has her stepson for the weekend when we have our weekly family get together dinner. All I wanted was to be able to talk to them alone after my SIS's family left. Arrrgghh.

So my new plan to come out is for tomorrow. I can only hope that my parents have minimal contact with family related drama when they go to a ball game in the morning so I can come out during lunch after I get off of work. I don't need that kind of drama + what I'm going to tell them all mixed together. I know that scenario would not turn out well. Its gonna be tough enough as is just laying my issues out on the table for them to handle

First, congrats on the therapy appointment.

Second, good look on coming out.  Remember everyone is here for you. 

I believe in ya Megan, just remember theres always next time.

Quote from: Xhianil on October 12, 2013, 02:56:32 PM
I believe in ya Megan, just remember theres always next time.

Thanks hun, I've been at it for 8 hours at this point. Still haven't been able to pipe up and say we need to talk. I really want to but the fear and anxiety is winning right now.

Quote from: Megan on October 12, 2013, 07:31:58 PM
Thanks hun, I've been at it for 8 hours at this point. Still haven't been able to pipe up and say we need to talk. I really want to but the fear and anxiety is winning right now.

It's ok to wait, the time will come, the important thing is you are happy.

They were having too much fun with me hanging out today, I just couldn't muster up the courage to start the convorsation. This is the most ive been at their place in quite a while. I'm going to have to bring the letter out for tomorrow night after we watch the walking dead. What I physically can't say to them will just have to be my emotions on paper as I sit and wait for a reaction. I know they are going to be okish with it, they already said they miss me not being around as much as I use to when I lived in the same town. Argh this stupid mountain of fear that I built up over the years.

Good idea, i know you to be brave.

just be brave meghan. you will never know the outcome until it happens and I hope that everything will pull through, that you put your heart and soul into this moment.

Just a few months shy of my 30th birthday and I finally did it. I came out to my parents and all the fears I have built up over the years were 100% completely dismissed the instant I began to talk. Here's how the day went to for me, I re wrote my letter to shorten out the fluff so it wouldn't be a 10 page novel then got a printer because I didn't own one. Printed it out and proof read it again and found some errors, fixed it then printed it out and signed my real name on it at the end. Then came the real tough part, time to tell my folks. After 2 failed days where I tried to muster up the courage to tell them and failed, I made the plunge. My mom cornered me and asked me if I was alright yesterday when I spent about 10 hours hanging out at their house. The reality of yesterday was that I spent 10 hours at their house having a panic attack while staying on the verge of projectile vomiting the entire time. When she said that I hesitated for a moment, took a DEEEEEEPPPPP breath and said no I wasn't ok yesterday, Friday or even tonight. I have something I want to tell you but i'm too afraid to come out and say it so I wrote a letter that will tell you everything that I cant. 

Parents looked at me all confused, letter you say? So I went and got it and they began to read it. I was sitting on the couch across from them then after they read the scary part on the first page they called me over to sit between them and started hugging me. Turns out I was right, they've know something has been up with me for a while now but didn't know what it was about other than they could visibly see I wasn't looking well but not because I was sick. They said they support me and that I will always be their child which made me feel so good that I couldn't even shed but a few tears the entire time and here I thought that I would just be sitting there crying uncontrollably. I got choked up but the relief that they were ok with everything even if they feel uneasy about it erased any and all of the fears I've had all my life. I've never felt happiness like that EVER!
Then we began to talk about everything and I was able to nail a few points home about how serious this was and not some crazy notion that just got in me all of the sudden. This goes way back to when I was a little kid, back as far as I can actually remember in my first memories. Though my mom did take it a little bit harder and they both still called me their son and by my real name it really didn't bother me as I know they now have to go through the process of coming to terms with what I just told them. They were at least very happy that I am seeing a therapist and that I told them this was going to be a very SLOW process for me. They were both scared that tomorrow I was going to show up dressed up like a drag queen. We all got a laugh out of that. They were just happy that I trusted them to finally tell them about everything that's inside of my closet. Sure we still have many other issues to deal with but right now everything is in a good place and for once after 29 years I'm actually happy about myself. I need to go to bed and wake up in 4 more hours but I'm wide awake from the euphoria of this moment that I can't contain myself.
Some of those issues is that they are afraid for my safety and how fast I plan on transitioning. They are worried that I could destroy my career but I told them about how I really don't think it will be much if any of a problem as long as I do everything with care and respect for other people. I'm well liked at work even though my parents have never seen the out there in the world me vs the me they see when i'm with them because I've always been in the closet that I would suppress everything I could so they wouldn't feel odd or have weird thoughts while I was around.
The really big thing though is that my mom is hung up on me never being with a woman and how she kind of thinks that that's the reason why I might feel like I do. I couldn't reassure her that that was not the case as I have tried over and over to get with a woman but I could never get past my own feelings towards that. It's right now that I realize that even as prepared to talk about transgender issues with them I really wasn't. So now I need to get my rear in gear and help get them properly informed on what being transgender is. They were thinking along the lines of the Jerry Springer show, which I was able to at least convince them that gender is something in the mind that is formed before we are born. Thankfully they didn't blame themselves for anything they may or may not have ever done. That was my biggest worry with them screaming and calling me all sorts of terrible things then disowning me as the 2nd biggest fear about coming out to them.
All in all I know they are probably feeling very down in the dumps but we'll get through it. At least they invited me over for dinner tomorrow and to go to a school function. I really think that they are happy that I really do care about them and want to be in their lives. They were getting worried that I was going to disappear or something like that as I moved to another town last year.

Most of all for me, there doesn't feel like I have any weight on my shoulders or chest anymore. I've never done drugs in my entire life and right now I feel as if I'm high as a kite  :laugh: When I do go to bed i'm going to have the best night of sleep ever. My therapist and lots of folks here were right, all of the bad things I though was going to happen were all in my head. A good parent will care about their child no matter what or who they are. I'm so proud to have my parents and that I was able to finally tell them.

One last thing, I sent them a picture of me when I got home that they have never really seen before. It was a picture of me actually smiling without having to be forced to fake one. I was still in boy mode but still the face didn't lie.

It seems that it's all going pretty well. Good for you for taking a big step.
Best of luck to you, Megan :)

Wow Megan what a great milestone.  Easy to imagine your pride and elation.  What a significant and courageous part of your transition.  You are cruising cool........

That's awesome Megan, so so awesome, I'm very glad it went well, I'm oh so proud of ya.

Awesome news Megan, I'm really happy that your parents took it so well. :)

*HUGS*

Amy

Congratulations Megan!

Coming out to your parents is difficult, and knowing that they still love and support you is a massive relief. I'm happy for you.

Congratulations Megan,

Oh damn another Kleenex moment!!!!!

Give your M&D a big hug from me.

And if they worry about your career tell them to talk to me.

It hasn't done anything negative to mine!!!!!

Cindy

Congratulations Megan! I'm so happy to hear about your successful coming out! I hope everything goes roses for you! :)

Thanks everyone. I'm so happy things turned out fine.

Cindy. I tried telling them that but they are hung up on the fact that we live in the bible belt south. It's not too much of a worry to me other than handling everything in a professional way.

Quote from: Megan on October 14, 2013, 07:36:12 AM
Thanks everyone. I'm so happy things turned out fine.

Cindy. I tried telling them that but they are hung up on the fact that we live in the bible belt south. It's not too much of a worry to me other than handling everything in a professional way.

I am grateful for you things are okay with your parents. My mom just doesnt believe me or doesnt want me to transition at all.

Quote from: izzy on October 14, 2013, 06:31:36 PM
I am grateful for you things are okay with your parents. My mom just doesnt believe me or doesnt want me to transition at all.

I can tell that my mom has some doubts as well. I think it's just shock, I mean here she is all of the sudden weighing what the bible says and what she believes vs what I say and believe about myself and how sure I am of this. Yet while she is supportive she still has many concerns regarding me starting to transition. Surprisingly my dad seems pretty cool about things so far. I really won't know until months from now as things begin to change for me and they start seeing it happen.

Quote from: Megan on October 14, 2013, 08:18:59 PM
I can tell that my mom has some doubts as well. I think it's just shock, I mean here she is all of the sudden weighing what the bible says and what she believes vs what I say and believe about myself and how sure I am of this. Yet while she is supportive she still has many concerns regarding me starting to transition. Surprisingly my dad seems pretty cool about things so far. I really won't know until months from now as things begin to change for me and they start seeing it happen.

Its a good sign that your mom is talking and thinking through the process. I think it will be a little rough for your mom to think in her terms and whats best for you but in the end it will be good. your right the final test is when they begin to see the changes and fully accept you.

Quote from: izzy on October 14, 2013, 08:28:57 PM
Its a good sign that your mom is talking and thinking through the process. I think it will be a little rough for your mom to think in her terms and whats best for you but in the end it will be good. your right the final test is when they begin to see the changes and fully accept you.

Yep it really is a good sign. I still have to come out to the rest of my family before any real noticeable changes will happen. It's only 2 more people I have to tell but I think it won't go down no where near as well. But that'll come soon enough when I'm ready to talk to them. At least my parents did say that even if they aren't happy or want to be around me..ect I can still dress as I am when i'm ready to when at their house. Cause that was a concern that I brought up that it could ruin our weekly family get together dinner that we've been doing for a while now.

Hi Megan,

I'm the OP for National Coming Out Day Post and I have a question, I'm doing a presentation October 29th at Out and Equal's annual convention entitled "Coming Out in Prime Time." Would it be possible to use a few quotes of your for my presentation, all identifying information deleted (Susans Place and your Screen name)?

Your story is a powerful reminder of what we all go through as we come out, first to ourselves, then to family, friends, and co-workers.

Been a while since I updated this thread.

Well after coming out to my parents it was rather difficult as even though they were accepting they really didn't actually show me any support at all. Everything could be explained as to why I felt the way I did and if I just did X solution then I'd be cured of this and nobody would be inconvenienced by the prospect of me changing genders. It was really hard of me but eventually as I could disprove each and every one of those little cure scenarios with real life things that I DID try doing they finally realized that all of this was true and that this is the path in life I have to take or there was a very very good chance that this time next year I might not exist on this earth anymore. They didn't see all of this as a life and death struggle like I had been the entire time until we started to really talk about my feelings in depth and why I came out to begin with as my Mom has said over and over that I never showed signs as a child and that was because I got bullied for my physical looks as a young kid and I knew if I was getting teased and beat up for just having big ears then what would happen to me if people knew I didn't feel like I was a boy and so I created a Mt.Everest of fear early on that kept me hidden deep in the closet until my emotions filled up to the breaking point and blew that door away.
They eventually came around to the point where we are at now where me and my mom are actually closer than ever before and me and dad actually talk instead of just grunting and nodding at each other like Neanderthals. Things are going great and I can't believe it to be honest as after all the fears I created for so many years were just that, fears and not the reality of what would actually happen. They have even seen me as I actually am when I helped my mom make thanksgiving dinner and we have been working together on my makeup skills!

So yesterday I finally came out to my sister and brother in law and things went very well. Once again it was the I created fears that were just irrational and untrue. They were cool about everything even though my sister did take the stance my mom did at first when I came out she came around pretty quick as we all talked about everything that I had gone through with my parents. We actually talked for an hour and a half about everything that I've been doing and I even showed them my body, legs, arms, nails and even the fact that I have been wearing my undergarments at my parents house for well over a month now. Even my parents hadn't noticed that I was wearing my sports bra! Haha. In all they were great and said I have their full support and am welcome at their house anytime. I can't believe how well things have turned out and I think it's because the signs of unrest and deep depression has been evident on my face for quite some time as we have a big family portrait in my parents living room and everybody is smiling in it while I can barely muster what looks like to be a smile.

For the first time my mom even referred to me with my REAL name! It's pretty much been the norm that I've been called my legal name and he this and him that for the past two months and this stopped my heart and felt so good. It feels so good to feel like I'm alive for the first time in my entire life. 

Just... Congrats, i feel sooo happy it all turned out well for you hun.

Quote from: Xhianil on December 02, 2013, 12:02:53 PM
Just... Congrats, i feel sooo happy it all turned out well for you hun.

Thanks Xhianil,
It has been a lot of work to get to this point but my family is coming around. I still don't know if they will ever fully accept me as my mom has voiced her own fears of not being able to be seen out in public with me...ect but as long as we are all talking then I have hopes that everything will turn out well.

Quote from: Megumi on October 14, 2013, 12:42:09 AM
like a drag queen [king]

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Do it!  ;D

Megumi you worked hard to educate your family and yourself.  I completely share the "created fears" obstacle.  Now you seem to be realizing the well deserved fruits of your labors to help your family understand.

Congratulations on this evolution and the "real" you being better known.

Quote from: Tessa James on December 03, 2013, 12:04:08 PM
Megumi you worked hard to educate your family and yourself.  I completely share the "created fears" obstacle.  Now you seem to be realizing the well deserved fruits of your labors to help your family understand.

Congratulations on this evolution and the "real" you being better known.

Thanks Tessa :D

Quote from: musicofthenight on December 03, 2013, 10:38:51 AM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F24.media.tumblr.com%2Ftumblr_lq7jinM3bA1qzoaqio1_r1_500.jpg&hash=2645b9ac0da3e5a4e4e6f21abc0cb255e7a78951)

Do it!  ;D

Haha I just might!