Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I worry too much. I know that. I even spent most of my last therapy session discussing my tendency to worry over everything (apparently this is something mothers often inadvertently teach their daughters o_o). Anyway... there are a few things that have been bugging me as of late, and although I realize they shouldn't, I nevertheless find myself exceedingly self-conscious.

The first of which being my height. I've been watching people while riding the 'L' (I want to call it the El, but that's how the CTA spells it), and I keep noticing that I seem to be slightly taller than most women. How much taller? Maybe an inch. Maybe. Seriously, this should not bother me! +/- an inch or two is not a big deal. I'm 5'7". That's not an unheard of height for most women. Heck, my closest cis-female friend is several inches taller than me! I'm making a mountain out of a sub-mole hill. This is stupid!

Also stupid is how self-consious I'm getting over my brow. There's no reason to. It's not pronounced. In fact, the first time I saw my therapist, she told me (without me asking) that I had a very feminine facial structure including a lack of brow-bossing, so I don't know why I'm getting self conscious here. Perhaps I'm scowling too much, and that's making it look bigger than it is? Grrr!

Lastly, there's my hairline. To me, at least, it looks very... square. For a man, I don't think it would be considered receding, but it does seem quite masculine in shape. Given that I'm not on HRT, this is probably to be expected, but I worry that it could be a problem in the future. The thing is, it isn't noticeable when I have my hair down, which is basically always. Again, stupid.

No point, really. This all stuff I already know. I guess I just needed to vent.

Welcome to the OMG everyone is looking at me.

Do not sweat the small stuff, just focus on the bigger picture being that you are who you are. Not anyone in this world is perfect.  Ok looking around for the perfect police, yes i said it my name is Isabell and NO ONE IS PEFECT.

It happens to everyone, nothing new and will always be part of the process. FYI i am 5-11 and my spouse is 6-1 (a ftm) his sister is 6-0 and his mother is 6-2. Just today i seen maybe around 6 or 7 that where my height. Also seen many shorter. No if no a normal CIS female would grow over 5-5 i would then say you have a issue.

I wish i could say things will totaly stop in time. They get way, way, way better but for me there is always something about me i feel is not normal (time to time). But i stopped letting it get into my head. It is more part of the nasty fear thing we all have to get past.

So relax. be self-confident in your life and things will be way better.

Izzy

Hi jen..I am 5'9 and im comfortable with it as I work with a girl who is 6'3.   I was very self conscious about myself until a few weeks ago.   I am pre hrt (all that changes 12-5) and have been on several girls night out.   I keep my head up and carry myself as a woman should.  I sit at the bar, walk straight to the ladies room passing other girls and no one bats an eye at me, or at least nothing has been said.   I have figured out my critique on myself is far more critical than what others think. Dont over think things because cis women have many of the same problems.

I'm 5'9".  My (cis-female) partner is 5'10".  We're always running into women taller than either of us.

It is normal to worry about how you look.  For one thing, our culture constantly bombards us with messages that we need ____ to look better or to look normal.  (Fill in the blank: toothpaste, hairspray, exercise, diet, clothes, etc.)

When we are starting out we worry a lot about passing - appearing to be on the outside what we've always been on the inside.  Gradually you will relax.  With luck, and perhaps some therapy and thought, you will get to the point where you aren't concerned.  You are who you are, and isn't that wonderful?

When I would get worrying about things - my height, my nose, my shoulders, my voice, whatever - I would just tell myself to chill.  And sometimes that worked. ;)

Be at peace and be who you are.

- Kate

Quote from: Erin Brianne on October 10, 2013, 06:48:43 PM
I have figured out my critique on myself is far more critical than what others think. Dont over think things because cis women have many of the same problems.

+1  This has been a revelation to me.  The more cis-women I know, woman-to-woman, the more I realize that many of my issues are the same as or even less than theirs.

I'm 5'11.  I feel your pain.  Jen, you are a young girl and won't turn out as bad as you think.  I too fret over my face and everyone tells me how feminine it is.  A lot of it is self perception.  You will always be your biggest critic and will pick out anything that is seemingly wrong.  Believe me, it won't be as bad as you think  Everyday I am really hard on myself, yet everyone that knows what's going on sees the changes and those that don't are perplexed.  You'll be okay.  Yeah, nothing is perfect, but if this is the path for you, don't let silly things bother you.  Someone so young shouldn't worry. 

I'm 5'11 and it bothers me some but the cis woman I work with is 6 ft so I know it shouldn't bother me but every other girl I see is like 5'6 and about as big as a toothpick. I think this is a normal feeling to feel jealous of other women. I at least have the proportions semi right where I have a visible hourglass figure and i'm pre-HRT so things can only improve. 

5' 7" is just right girl friend. I'm 5' 8" & it's great to be shorter. It easier to build a normal wardrope. As time goes by the HRT will improve your body greatly. Just relax & enjoy. Have fun.

I think most of us are way too self conscious about our physical appearance. I look in the mirror and can pick out 3 or 4 features that I think clock me every time but in reality I'm pretty sure that out of the 30 employees that I've been working with for nearly 3 months, I believe only the HR manager, office manager, and the doctors know that I'm trans... and if they know it's because the temp agency probably notified them in advance. I honestly don't understand how they can't see it...

I have a list of insecurities myself... my mandible, nose, cheeks. Don't like em. I look at them and think "I need surgery" all the time. I hate it!

No one can criticise us like we can criticise ourselves. It's like living with a permanent, internal Simon Cowell. High-waisted trousers and all. And just like the real thing, our internal one is little more than an over-opinionated, narrow-minded perfectionist. It sees a snapshot of us as it wants us to be in a perfect world. Builds a shrine to it, and attempts to get it a record deal.

...

I cannot believe I just used that analogy. Ugh.

Oh well, might as well go all the way... the fact that your Brain Cowell thinks you can't sing, doesn't mean you can't sing. You just use your own voice, and wow the audience instead.

I'm 6'0". I "pass" just fine. 5'7"... c'mon... that's about average cis-female height in my book. We can be our own worst critics.

OK, I am 5'9" and where I work, there are two women who are taller than me (one of them being my boss). There are also a lot of girls shorter than me, probably, the majority of them are :).
I am somewhere between small and medium frame for men and I used to look plain hideous in female clothes, but this seems to be changing recently. Maybe the HRT is a bit softening/smoothing me up in some spots, or I have lost some more weight, but I dont look like a bodybuilder in camisole anymore. Well, mostly.
Now, here is the list of things I would like to change about myself:*
-   my nose. I think I need rhinoplasty, because that could change the tip of the nose. Besides, it was broken during a yachting accident when I was 24 and is not that straight as I would wish to. Usually people dont notice that until I say them, but I think they are just lying to me. It pops out as an ugly cucumber and it does not matter that my boss (a very attractive woman, btw) has large nose-tip as well.
-   My brow. I was told that I have very little and unnoticeable bossing, but  when I am in bad lightining I feel like it just makes me look a total neandro.
-   My forehead – I feel like it is not that much upwards as I would wish to – it is a bit sloping and I have seen a loto f women with similar one, but combined with my terrible brow, it is just... ugh.
-   My hairline is not the one I would wish to. It is too linear for my taste and I would it was a bit rounder. Anytime I comb my hair back, I think I look hideous...
-   My shoulders – they are within upper female range, yet since they are still wider than my hips (which are the next item on my list), I dont like them. Too bad there aren't any surgeries for shoulders... Btw, if I am wearing wrong pattern sweaters with horizontal lines, they can broaden me up significantly.
-   My hips... Although they are wider than my ribcage, but they are still narrower than my shoulders and I believe that they would betray me in a second. And they just dont seem to grow on the HRT, instead it is only my butt which gets bigger.

To be continued...

* Self-ironic mood on :)

Quote from: -Emily- on October 11, 2013, 02:40:52 AM
-   my nose. I think I need rhinoplasty, because that could change the tip of the nose. Besides, it was broken during a yachting accident when I was 24 and is not that straight as I would wish to. Usually people dont notice that until I say them, but I think they are just lying to me. It pops out as an ugly cucumber and it does not matter that my boss (a very attractive woman, btw) has large nose-tip as well.
-   My hairline is not the one I would wish to. It is too linear for my taste and I would it was a bit rounder. Anytime I comb my hair back, I think I look hideous...
-   My shoulders – they are within upper female range, yet since they are still wider than my hips (which are the next item on my list), I dont like them. Too bad there aren't any surgeries for shoulders... Btw, if I am wearing wrong pattern sweaters with horizontal lines, they can broaden me up significantly.
-   My hips... Although they are wider than my ribcage, but they are still narrower than my shoulders and I believe that they would betray me in a second. And they just dont seem to grow on the HRT, instead it is only my butt which gets bigger.

Nose: Early on I went to a plastic surgeon.  She asked: "And why are you here?"  I said: "My nose."  She said: "Why?"  And I realized I saw myself differently than others did.  (I still have my original nose.)

Hairline: Don't comb your hair straight back.  Enlist the help of your hairdresser to find a style that helps feminize your face.

Shoulders: I have swimmer's shoulders - the shoulders a woman develops if she does competitive swimming in her developing years.  (Mine came from testosterone, not swimming, but what the hey.)  Paying attention to clothing is important - not to hide the shoulders but to keep from emphasizing them.  With careful clothing choices, my shoulders look well within the normal range.

Hips: As far as I know, HRT does not make your hips grow unless you start taking it in your teens.  One time a nice-looking, somewhat matronly woman shop clerk was helping me select clothes.  I mentioned that my top is much larger than my bottom, so I have a real problem selecting dresses.  She said she has the same problem.  Once a gave her a more careful look, I realized she was right but that it wasn't immediately noticeable.  If you look around, you will see a lot of slim-hipped women.  We tend to look at the women we'd like to look like, but again the normal range is from very slim to very wide and we both probably fit in there somewhere.

As others have said here and as I've heard (cis-) women say elsewhere, we tend to be our own worst critics.  Be gentle with yourself and live free.

- Kate

I just want to say thanks, girls, for the show of support. I really am my own worst enemy sometimes.

There goes my pathetic attempt at being self-sarcastic :).