Susan's Place Transgender Resources

this is one of the weirder experiences someone can have.

i went to the theater, to see a play written by a saami artist. he's written a single play in his entire life, and the story says that on the day that he died, he called the saami theater to ask them to set up this play. and now, a few years later, we all get part in the wisdom he had to share. i see it more as a testament than just a simple play or a piece of art, though it is those as well.

i don't see much of a point in telling the whole story, if i ever find the text in english i might share it, if it is filmed, i might too.
but it was about a rime haired man and a dreamer, and the wisdom the older man had to shared with the young was something that i needed to know. not that i didn't know from before, but i have never experienced this knowledge in this way. it was all about a wordless knowledge of life and being.

it is a wisdom that i have met many times before. the same story i have heard from older and younger people all around, but never had managed to feel so deeply that it reached the core of my being. in this play i had a meeting not only with the actors or the author, but also some members of these forums. two whom i wish to mention right now would be ativan and saphira, because they have taught me things that i only now realized the true significance of. thank you very much, not only you two, but all who have shared with me of what little or much they know.

today i can for the first time that i can remember simply say that i am, and truly understand what that means.

Wow... Sounds like an incredible work of art.  Please keep us posted if there is any kind of translation or movie.  I could use a little wisdom about now. 

the sad part of it is that most people only think it is a "nice play".
only those who have been looking for the knowledge, searching for an answer, will understand what kind of message it really carries.

i'm gonna start looking for a translation. just not today. i need to take some time to digest this experience and find out what it really means to me. other than "a lot"...

I can imagine.  When something affects me so profoundly, it helps me to find a quiet place to meditate on it; I often would prefer to be silent for the rest of the day while I process it.  Thank you again for sharing!

"Today i can for the first time that i can remember simply say that i am, and truly understand what that means."

That's so cool. I am completely humbled.
Ativan

yes, it is very cool. or actually, really warm. i could feel the author speaking to me through the play, and it was such a profound experience that i couldn't stop my tears from falling. it's not the first place i'd expect to find true validation and enlightenment.

my view will probably be clouded again as time passes. but at least i now know that i know, and this should help me find that knowledge again when i need it. i feel like i'm standing on solid ground when i was previously navigating through quicksand and marshland.

all that self doubt, just to realize that i am the knowledge that i was seeking.

These kinds of experiences happen very rarely, maybe a few times during the course of a life if you're lucky, I think. Some people never experience them.

Hold onto it. I can only imagine what it felt like. :]

now that i've thought about it a little, that play wasn't really anything special in any way. rather shallow both in art and philosophy. but it still talks to those who need to hear those words. hearing and reading things from people here or other places on the internet doesn't make the same impact as meeting the same thoughts and concepts is a play that a revered artist really wanted to share with people, be it before or after his death.

and just to not color this too rosy, i can tell that t didn't help with my temper at all. apparently that's just another side to myself that i have to learn to accept. it's a little difficult to care all that much for a person who will create conflict from any excuse they can find just because they didn't get enough sleep or alone time for a few days.

but it seems i still have to get to know that side of myself too, if i'm to have any hope of ever being complete. no more hiding from myself, there's like, a reason for why they talk so much abut yin and yang.

i've been working, alone, on getting to the bottom of some things. trying to get rid of anxieties, bad temper, becoming a better person. recreating myself, is what i was trying to do, probably. i didn't realize the true depth of my person, that i already am what i wanted to become, as well as the things i thought i didn't want to be.

what made my experience special, was that i suddenly understood that there's no way i can be anyone other than e, and that the good and bad sides are all part of me, as well as the whole gender mess that actually seems less messy than the more common 90/10 ratio. being both to such a degree that i don't know which i'm most of should give more balance, not less.

but, well. from now i'll try to get to know myself, both the sides i like and don't like. there's no point in becoming or pretending someone i am not, that will probably only make things worse. so i change my tactics into finding a smarter and more wholesome way to be me instead. not expecting it to be any easier, but the answer should be truer.

Whenever you have a realization of self that is profound, use it.
Too many people never have that kind of experience.
It does quiet a lot of questioning of one's self.