Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've held off from dating men again until I hopefully complete my SRS however I know it will be a while before this actually happens. So I've decided to start dating again.

I just wonder how many other MTF girl friends that are pre op date men or are in a relationship?

I really enjoyed dating men earlier in life however it has been 2-3 years since allowing myself this pleasure. I'm excited with my decision however I'm a little nervous to hopefully find the right type man & not problems.

Any advise or thoughts?

I've never dated at all, but that likely stems from discomfort with my current body, considering I've not yet started transition.
Here's the thing though, make sure you tell the men first that you're trans. The worst part is that some are transphobic, and will hurt you if they find out. it's best to weed out those who won't care for you out first.
Stay safe, sister :)

Willow,

Thanks but I'm OK. I've dated lots of men earlier in life. Obviously anyone should absolutely tell any man that you are TS pre op asap. When out in bars or clubs men would hit on me & that was kinda tricky so if I did not like the man I would just easily let him know like any normal cis woman would. If you like the man indeed it is much safer to be open & honest even if you lose the man.

Good luck

Ok, just making sure you're safe. I don't want to see anyone hurt :)

i dunno how many girls have patience to date. me i bring them all directly to bed always.  >:-) life is too short to waste it with only 1 man. men r all hypocrites by personal experience. not a single REAL straight man will accept to love u being a pre-op trans unless it's a ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-. very rare. i hate men. 99% are bigots selfish & hypocrites. as long as they not aware what u are they treat u as a queen but when they aware they treat u either as a freaq or a sex object and dump u immediately after having used u. they treat as me as sex object..so am gonna use them too. me i'm a crazy daring nymphomaniac but i dont advise other girls doing as me though.

Quote from: Evolving Beauty on October 12, 2013, 02:18:10 AM
i dunno how many girls have patience to date. me i bring them all directly to bed always.  >:-) life is too short to waste it with only 1 man. men r all hypocrites by personal experience. not a single REAL straight man will accept to love u being a pre-op trans unless it's a ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-. very rare. i hate men. 99% are bigots selfish & hypocrites. as long as they not aware what u are they treat u as a queen but when they aware they treat u either as a freaq or a sex object and dump u immediately after having used u. they treat as me as sex object..so am gonna use them too. me i'm a crazy daring nymphomaniac but i dont advise other girls doing as me though.

That's not alway true some guys are decent and will love you for who you are. You just have to learn how to filter the bad ones out to get to the good ones. ;)

I am making my first trembling baby steps into that direction too, but without much success at the moment, lol. I think I know more about male psychology than cis-girls, but that is a blessing and curse at the same time :P. Blessing, because, I can read them pretty well, curse - because often I dont like what I read then :P. I am trying to give benefits of doubt though, but I have a lot of strong turn off's which tend to pop up quite regularly...

Well I'm pre op and I'm with a guy who loves and respects me. He is straight, as I am, and we are very happy. He knew me and watched me transition at a gym I go to.

Guys are guys and some are nice and some are not.

There should be no reason to criticize everyone. I dislike that.

We have taken time to form a relationship and to be honest that is far more important than sex IMO. It takes effort and time but for us it has been fun.

I know you (EB) have distinct issues and I respect how you are dealing with them, but please don't paint everyone with the same brush.

That is rude and uncalled for.

Cindy

Indeed it is tricky being pre op & dating men that want sex. Obiously life would be simplier after SRS & time to heal & adjust then open up all new to explore & date men. That would be nicer & perfect without question.

However for myself I miss being with a man. I loved the excitment of a first date. There was always the need for a new outfit, some little acccessory, a little new makeup, my nails had to be done just right, nice smooth legs, new perfume. Then when the man came to my door & we first met it was just great. It was kind of like majic with some men & very akward with some. However overall it was a great experience for two people to adjuct to each others needs & desires. I'm a straight woman I guess, I've always loved being a woman & loved being with a man. The men I dated knew that a straight man was my desire. So it seemed to work out. I still have nice thoughts & memories of some of the men I dated & remember their bodies very well, especially the well endowed men.

So anyway I'm going to venture back in & kiss a few frogs to maybe find a prince. It's just too lonely for me to wait until life is perfect.

I also wanted to wait until SRS was complete before dating.. but life stepped in.. I did a favour for a friend of a friend who needed a date to a function... anyways we hit it off and we actually dated for around 5 months

He was fine with me been pre-op. We did sleep with each a number of times, (anal and oral sex). We actually broke up over my plans to have SRS.. He was gay, but not out of the closet.. I looked like a woman to the outside world, breasts, pear shape figure.. etc.. but in my panties I had a penis..

I loved been the woman the realationship, making myself pretty for him, wearing something sexy for him etc...

I know now, that this was a bad relationship, especially for him.. My next boyfriend will be after SRS..

Noleen,

Thanks & I understand. I'm sure you are closer to SRS than myself.

I've always enjoyed giving oral & receiving anal sex with a strong man. It just seems so normal almost. However it would surely be great to just open my legs for a man & enjoy. Perhaps one day I surely hope.

Take care GF & good luck.

I have been dating a man for 2 months.  We have been on many dinner dates and gone golfing. He has no idea I'm transgender.

Last date ended at his house.  I was very careful where he put his hands and made him very happy.

I love playing the female role. 

I'm not sure how much longer this will go on but I'm willing to enjoy the ride while it happens as you never know when you may have the chance again.

I have, It hasn't worked out very well all things considered.

1st guy: Rubin Spanish guy I find him hiding behind a tree, he'd found a slime mould and thought it was a space alien, (No joke) I explained what it was and we got talking, we both mentioned how we both wanted to go out that night but had nobody to do it and basically started dating there.
We got along great, He was an Avionics Engineer with a Fascination with space and I'm a Nerdy Science girl (Stuck in retail at the time). He promised to show me his "space ship" that he lived in, which was infact a Camper-van he lived in we kissed on our first date but nothing more. All the tropes of a perfect love story, Second date was just as good, Third date was abit more personal and serious it was at the end of this date I felt I had to tell him about my past.

He didn't believe me at first and was completely surprised when I insisted. Eventually he accepted it and seemed okay with it at the time. Next day I got a text from him telling me to not see him again.

===================
2nd guy: Kane, I worked in retail since graduating uni, I worked several jobs over a period of months in the centre of town, Apparently I had an admirer as I'd walk into town he worked in a Store I passed, When I was going home one day I waved at a friend of mine, David who was walking with Kane who I didn't know, Kane apparently asked interrogated David about me, David told him what he knew (including my Trans past) Kane was surprised but said he didn't care. He then asked me out I agreed.

We went out and we got along great, Similar nerdy interests and chatting was easy. I mentioned my past he said he knew and I said I'd have to murder David. Apart from that we got along brilliantly and after a month of seeing him I was quickly falling for him.

He introduced me to his family, although I was told not to mention my Trans-past. As it turns out I got along great with his mum, as she was a Virologist, When it came to intimacy I was hesitant, letting him know my body was a let down and not like he might imagine it to be, he alluded that physical sex was important to him in a relationship and said that if I couldn't do that then perhaps I'd consider a Polygamous relationship, I Strongly opposed this (Always playing second fiddle to every natal women is a hangup of mine). Knowing it was important I did everything I could to appease him. Things weren't good, he was quite judgemental about my naked body and while I look female in everyday settings begin naked shows that my boobs are small and my frame is more spindly androgynous rather than female I'm also covered in self harm scars.
I did my best but I could tell his wasn't very impressed, in the end I ended up crying.
He began acting weird around me, ignoring me ect, I kept trying to meet him only for him to avoid me, Eventually I confronted him about it, He told me he didn't want to see me again and we broke up, I was pretty heartbroken, I then found out he was seeing and sleeping with another girl at this time, which only rubbed salt in the wound.
<Language edited by Moderator>

Months later he would send me several letters telling me how much he cared for me but my body was an obstacle to us begin together. (What an insufferable ->-bleeped-<-)

=====================
3rd Guy: Lenny, I was pretty miserable both with Kane and my life in general I started to develop an eating disorder, Like 700 Calories Daily while also working out, and I lost tons of weight, I'm kinda spindly anyway, but my weight dropped from normal to borderline Anorexic. But I was in that peculiar spot of looking Uber Athletic before you look super sick and dying. Then when this guy asked me out, We chatted briefly when I was buying some vegetables at the store after getting back from swimming, he then later caught upto me when I was jogging and gave me his number, I felt I had little to loose to I rang him and arranged a meal out.

We chatted but he was a health and fitness nut and wanted to join the army, We didn't have much to share but I contributed with my biology knowledge as best as I could, he ended up kissing and hugging me although I wasn't very comfortable with it. After I left I realized I clearly wasn't over Kane and it wasn't fair on This guy aside from anything else I broke up with him.

===================
4th Guy "Cinnamon": A short one I got better after getting a new job in science and moving out, I was enjoying the momentary peace in life, I met this guy on a night out we got along pretty well, I Made note that he had an unusual name, and he mentioned that it wasn't his birth-name, I then Cryptically alluded that Alice "wasn't my birth-name either." Winning each others interest. We chatted and hung out he was into poetry and music which wasn't my primary interest but I was interested because he was quite guarded, but his writings and songs were emotive and expressed a deep hurt. He noted the scars on my arms and said he didn't do that himself but he did get why people would do that. We didn't do anything romantic at first kissing or hugging he gave off vibes that he didn't like it.

We eventually revealed our back-stories to each other, I won't go into too much detail. But basically he was sexually abused, and his abuser was involved in a gang. so after the trial he had to change his name and move away.

We saw each other a few more times, and even tried to be intimate but we both sort of agreed that we were too F'ed up to have a healthy relationship.

---
Weird period: Everyone a stupid Lonely ->-bleeped-<- including myself
After this I've been back to begin alone, alot of my friends have gotten married and moved away so my isolation has bitten me abit, knowing Kane was in a relationship with this girl he cheated on me with I have had a couple of small flings with him again, he asked me I don't like him frankly I hate his guts I was only using him as a warm body and a roof for the night (As I was locked out of my flat) I felt dirty afterwards.
I then threw it up in his "new" girlfriends face to make her break up with him, Although it appears she's actually a doormat kinda killing my Catharsis he still actually wants to see me, despite the trouble this caused him, He genuinely wants a Polygamous Harem of sorts He's utterly insufferable and I don't intend to see him again.

Quote from: pebbles on October 12, 2013, 07:54:32 AM
Eventually he accepted it and seemed okay with it at the time. Next day I got a text from him telling me to not see him again.

Ugh... that kind of attitude just sucks... It really does :(.

Quote from: VickyMI on October 12, 2013, 07:11:59 AM
I have been dating a man for 2 months.  We have been on many dinner dates and gone golfing. He has no idea I'm transgender.

Last date ended at his house.  I was very careful where he put his hands and made him very happy.

I love playing the female role. 

I'm not sure how much longer this will go on but I'm willing to enjoy the ride while it happens as you never know when you may have the chance again.

Vicky, great for you girl friend & you play golf. This man is so lucky. Please have a beautiful day.

Guess i took the logical route in dating. I dated a pre ftm when i was pre mtf. We ended up getting married. You have to be real strong to have this kinda of relationship being body dysphoria is sometimes hard to overcome in the bedroom. But that is not everything in a relationship.

On the OPs question. Life is to short to live alone. Look for what you want and go for it. Be honest and safe.

Hugs
Izzy

I can't wait to start dating.  I'll have to do it pre-op.  Honestly, I could care less about sex for the most part, even though it is tempting.  It's more about the romance that I never really experienced.  Sucks though because I'm still not full time or even really part time, so I should continue waiting. Maybe I will just date a gay guy and hope to turn him straight.  After all, I am looking fairly feminine these days, so any guy that dates me must be somewhat on board, lol.  We'll see. 

I am at this same place in life. I am very lonely even more so since children are getting older.

I have only went out on one date with a man since being FT (2 yrs) I thought it went well but apparently he didn't....I was really down after that but still tried....I have since given up and have tried to meet other women for friendship.....this isn't going to well either.

I don't think someone needs to tell someone their born gender when they first meet.....but I feel at times I should! This has caused me even more struggles contradicting myself. I just want someone to get to know me, I want to give them the chance to know who I am and not what I am. I would never do anything more than a hug or hand holding before telling them though!!

The one and only guy I went on a date with I did not inform him of my past, we communicated for about 2 months before going on a date. We exchanged pics early on.....I felt comfortable knowing he at least thought I wasn't ugly. We also talked on the phone awhile before meeting. I thought all are communication was very typical of a heterosexual type.....I never felt like I was faking anything....it felt very natural! Even the date I went on....I was very nervous because I had not dated in almost 20 years, but that was the only reason for my nervousness....it felt very normal. I felt we didn't click right away but was still willing to learn more and possibly date some more. He didn't feel the same! It was somewhat mutual but I took it hard still.

I just wish I could get myself out their more....I have had men flirt with me but I do not know how to facilitate it any further, I am old fashion and feel its the mans responsibility to move things further. Even pre trans I was never one to ask women out....I'm now even worse at showing attraction or accepting it. I think much of it has to do with me thinking I am lying to people and not liking myself...so I just say screw it and tell myself I will be alone the rest of my life!!

Even if I were to start a relationship, there is no way I can consummate the relationship. I will not do anal sex and I can't see a guy wanting a relationship without some form of sex!

Well, theoretically gay guys should not be into us and if they are - it is a kind of insult, because it shows that they dont see us as women. Hardcore gays are pretty much disgusted by anything remotely feminine... at least, theoretically ;). I know just a couple of gay guys and only one of them knows about me and I am 100% sure he is not interested. Neither am I - at least in terms of sex :).

It is just currently the stage in my life when E starts taking over my entire body and I desperately need someone to care about - I dont need sex - romance, flirting and cuddles would be enough for me.

Quote from: learningtolive on October 12, 2013, 10:27:05 AMHonestly, I could care less about sex for the most part, even though it is tempting.  It's more about the romance that I never really experienced.

Girl, It's the exact same with me. I don't care too much for sex in my given state, but I just often feel so lonely. I don't really have any friends here; unlike the majority of other students here, I came alone, nobody from my high school is at this school. Which is good, in the fact that I can put my post life behind me, everything is just so lonely and I desire some loving company who treats me add me, not what I look like.
I'm sure it's the same for a lot of us here. Just hang in there, stay safe, and be confident :)

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on October 12, 2013, 10:33:34 AMWell, theoretically gay guys should not be into us and if they are - it is a kind of insult, because it shows that they dont see us as women. Hardcore gays are pretty much disgusted by anything remotely feminine... at least, theoretically ;). I know just a couple of gay guys and only one of them knows about me and I am 100% sure he is not interested. Neither am I :).

All you need is a guy who will treat you with lone and respect, no matter of who you are inside matches the outside :)

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on October 12, 2013, 10:33:34 AM
Well, theoretically gay guys should not be into us and if they are - it is a kind of insult, because it shows that they dont see us as women. Hardcore gays are pretty much disgusted by anything remotely feminine... at least, theoretically ;). I know just a couple of gay guys and only one of them knows about me and I am 100% sure he is not interested. Neither am I - at least in terms of sex :).

It is just currently the stage in my life when E starts taking over my entire body and I desperately need someone to care about - I dont need sex - romance, flirting and cuddles would be enough for me.

Well, I think of all the transgirls that are married to straight women who come around.  Maybe it's possible for the reverse to work?  Obviously it's different, but who knows.  I'm thinking more of a pansexual or bi guy.  I just really want to start dating and not keep waiting for the right time.  Like you, romance and cuddling is something that I desperately want.  I would melt inside if a guy held my hand.

Between the ages of 18 and 41, I was in a committed relationship. I'd married my high school sweetheart and we raised two kids together. My transition ended our marriage (but not our friendship).

I'd long considered myself bisexual, though I prefer the term pansexual now. I never strayed during our marriage, and being single has allowed me to do a little experimenting as I was curious if I really could be interested in men.

To quote George Takei, "Oh, myyy."

I haven't been on any dates yet per se, but I've been on a hook-up and have been to Power Exchange in SF a few times. Anonymous ->-bleeped-<-s and handjobs, and I most thoroughly enjoyed myself. The last time I was PE, there was a guy who kept calling me girl, even as he blew me a little bit. So, that was interesting. He seemed to be treating me like the woman I am, but at the same time was aware of my junk. That we were both willing to use it was a bit of a surprise to me.

So, this has satisfied a curiosity: I can indeed be physically intimate with men. Simply finding some men attractive is not the same as being comfortable with being physically intimate with them. Knowing this about myself means that I would like a chance to date men. It's something I can indeed do, it seems.

TSDating.com has produced a lot of frogs so far, uggg! ???

OK Cupid profile is complete along with a picture. Thanks for advise girl friends.

Quote from: Just Shelly on October 12, 2013, 10:32:17 AM
I don't think someone needs to tell someone their born gender when they first meet.....but I feel at times I should! This has caused me even more struggles contradicting myself. I just want someone to get to know me, I want to give them the chance to know who I am and not what I am. I would never do anything more than a hug or hand holding before telling them though!!

Exactly I agree with that, You'll guilt yourself but I console myself with the fact that I'm more than just my body and I'm more than just the war that defined my gender identity I've got all these other interests and quirks and flaws that make me a human, is it wrong that I want someone to see those and relate to me before they see that weird part of myself that they can't relate to?

Quote from: FrancisAnn on October 11, 2013, 11:34:37 PM
I've held off from dating men again until I hopefully complete my SRS however I know it will be a while before this actually happens. So I've decided to start dating again.

I just wonder how many other MTF girl friends that are pre op date men or are in a relationship?

I really enjoyed dating men earlier in life however it has been 2-3 years since allowing myself this pleasure. I'm excited with my decision however I'm a little nervous to hopefully find the right type man & not problems.

Any advise or thoughts?

Wow dating.  That's something I've never been able to do.  I get offers but being sort of in between genders it just wouldn't work. 

Quote from: Tatyana on October 12, 2013, 08:26:59 PM
Wow dating.  That's something I've never been able to do.  I get offers but being sort of in between genders it just wouldn't work.

It's fine not to want to date.

But do you really need to write it off assuming it would never work? Humans have an amazing capacity for love, and I'm sure there are many people who would be sexually attracted to you if wanted. There are a lot of pansexual people looking for dates who don't care what type of body. And there are a lot of people of all orientations who want someone they can love for the person they are not for how their body is put together.

I'm not suggesting you date if you're uncomfortable with it, just encouraging you not to write the possibility off completely.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on October 12, 2013, 06:05:24 PM
TSDating.com has produced a lot of frogs so far, uggg! ???

I've had much better luck and found way more guys who were into me on Ok Cupid than TSdating.

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 12, 2013, 08:40:59 PMIt's fine not to want to date.
But do you really need to write it off assuming it would never work? Humans have an amazing capacity for love, and I'm sure there are many people who would be sexually attracted to you if wanted. There are a lot of pansexual people looking for dates who don't care what type of body. And there are a lot of people of all orientations who want someone they can love for the person they are not for how their body is put together.

And then there are those who are just looking for their true love, and will love you no matter what. Someone who truly loves you should not put your appearance or gender identity first.
You'll find someone who's right for you and truly cares for you, Tatyana. I have faith in you :)

I'm in relationship and living with someone so it's working well for me.

Quote from: Shakti on October 12, 2013, 08:58:03 PM
I've had much better luck and found way more guys who were into me on Ok Cupid than TSdating.

Thank you so much. I just finished my profile with OK Cupid. These men are much better screened/safer.

Quote from: Constance on October 12, 2013, 01:21:41 PM
Between the ages of 18 and 41, I was in a committed relationship. I'd married my high school sweetheart and we raised two kids together. My transition ended our marriage (but not our friendship).

I'd long considered myself bisexual, though I prefer the term pansexual now. I never strayed during our marriage, and being single has allowed me to do a little experimenting as I was curious if I really could be interested in men.

To quote George Takei, "Oh, myyy."

I haven't been on any dates yet per se, but I've been on a hook-up and have been to Power Exchange in SF a few times. Anonymous ->-bleeped-<-s and handjobs, and I most thoroughly enjoyed myself. The last time I was PE, there was a guy who kept calling me girl, even as he blew me a little bit. So, that was interesting. He seemed to be treating me like the woman I am, but at the same time was aware of my junk. That we were both willing to use it was a bit of a surprise to me.

So, this has satisfied a curiosity: I can indeed be physically intimate with men. Simply finding some men attractive is not the same as being comfortable with being physically intimate with them. Knowing this about myself means that I would like a chance to date men. It's something I can indeed do, it seems.

WOW!!!

You definitely feel comfortable with your penis.......can't say as I do

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 12, 2013, 08:40:59 PM
It's fine not to want to date.

But do you really need to write it off assuming it would never work? Humans have an amazing capacity for love, and I'm sure there are many people who would be sexually attracted to you if wanted. There are a lot of pansexual people looking for dates who don't care what type of body. And there are a lot of people of all orientations who want someone they can love for the person they are not for how their body is put together.

I'm not suggesting you date if you're uncomfortable with it, just encouraging you not to write the possibility off completely.

Sorry my reply was a little vague.  What I meant was that I can't have a sexual relationship with a penis.  I need a vagina for that.  So I avoid advances from guys.  And I'm not really interested in guys anyway.

Quote from: Just Shelly on October 13, 2013, 02:03:47 AM
WOW!!!

You definitely feel comfortable with your penis.......can't say as I do

Yeah, it was a bit of a shock to learn that about myself. I'm not sure what to make of it.

Quote from: Constance on October 13, 2013, 03:15:33 PM
I'm not sure what to make of it.

The SRS surgeon will know!  >:-)
:)

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on October 13, 2013, 04:26:49 PM
The SRS surgeon will know!  >:-)
:)

In my best George Takei voice, "Oh, myyy."

I've dated a few. Every experience is different. Pop that OKC profile up, be honest, maybe you'll find someone who you like.

If you're in college and are still worrying about HS people though, you'll probably just want to get out into the social scene at school and see what happens there. College is awesome for dating.

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on October 14, 2013, 09:08:05 AMI've dated a few. Every experience is different. Pop that OKC profile up, be honest, maybe you'll find someone who you like.

If you're in college and are still worrying about HS people though, you'll probably just want to get out into the social scene at school and see what happens there. College is awesome for dating.

Easier said than done for the pre-everythings like me, put pre-ops should be fine unless they come across a bigot who tries to kill you just because you're trans.
I'll get to it when I'm ready :)

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on October 14, 2013, 09:08:05 AM
College is awesome for dating.

For the students or the professors?  >:-) :D

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 12, 2013, 08:40:59 PM
It's fine not to want to date.

But do you really need to write it off assuming it would never work? Humans have an amazing capacity for love, and I'm sure there are many people who would be sexually attracted to you if wanted. There are a lot of pansexual people looking for dates who don't care what type of body. And there are a lot of people of all orientations who want someone they can love for the person they are not for how their body is put together.

I'm not suggesting you date if you're uncomfortable with it, just encouraging you not to write the possibility off completely.

I met my girlfriend (and fiancee) while I was still in denial.  I told her I was gender-queer, and how truly passing/experiencing being a woman was something I needed, something I was working toward.  At the time I honestly thought that if I could be accepted/pass as a woman socially on occasion that I would be OK; that it would sustain me through the rest of my life as a male.

She encouraged me to explore... we went shopping together, she helped me with makeup... she used female pronouns for me when I was in "girl mode", called me her girlfriend...

It was through this exploration that I had a tear-filled epiphany, when I finally came out to myself and all the memories and pain came rushing back from the place I had exiled them to.  Hello, dysphoria, my old friend.  I was honestly afraid, a little, to come out to her, because we'd been treating these two pieces of me as separate entities, and she loved them *both*.  I felt like I was taking away a part of me that she loved, that I was banishing her boyfriend, and that would be terribly painful to her.

She surprised me.  She told me that she loves *me*, and that my parts didn't matter to her.  She is in love with my spirit and my mind, and that she loves my body too... but she doesn't care what parts I have. 

Yes, she is unusual and rare.  It took me my entire life to find her up to now, and I certainly don't intend to let her go.  She is not, however, unique.  I know several people like her, for whom love has little to do with bodies.  It is absolutely amazing how two people in love can work to overcome plumbing issues.  :)

Keep looking, sisters... he or she is (or they are, for the poly peeps!) out there.  Just don't compromise yourself to keep someone, ever.  I've got waaaay too much experience with that.  :)

Much love and hugs all around,
Robin

Help. How do you post a picture??? I cannot find any insert key.

I think you'd have to have the picture uploaded some place first (Facebook, Photobucket, etc) and then you would post the link to it using the icon that looks like a tiny Mona Lisa.

Does anyone have any personal positive experiences?  I'm a romantic and want a steady relationship down the line (or like now, lol).   Has anyone had a stable long term relationship with a guy while pre-op?  And how did you deal with the "intimacy" issue?  I am curious to see what other's have gone through and how they dealt with it all.  It would be nice to hear some of the positive outcomes if they do exist.

Quote from: Constance on October 14, 2013, 08:12:17 PM
I think you'd have to have the picture uploaded some place first (Facebook, Photobucket, etc) and then you would post the link to it using the icon that looks like a tiny Mona Lisa.

Thank you so much.???? Still no idea. How do you select the file????

Will someone please post the solution. It cannot be that difficult.

1. Right click on the image you want to post and select "Copy link location" or "Copy image location."
2. Paste the link into your post.
3. Select the link, then click the "Insert Image" icon, under the Bold button.

-OR-

3. Enclose the image line with the SMF "img" tag.

Constance, Thank you again. Surely I can do this. Guess used to easy sites like FB.

Quote from: Just Shelly on October 13, 2013, 02:03:47 AM
WOW!!!

You definitely feel comfortable with your penis.......can't say as I do

I've always been fine with mine. It's not the parts I wanted, but it's a very nice penis, and I'm only into girls, so it has served me well. lol

Quote from: RavenMoon on October 14, 2013, 10:19:13 PM
I've always been fine with mine. It's not the parts I wanted, but it's a very nice penis, and I'm only into girls, so it has served me well. lol

I guess I feel like I have the damned thing, whether I want it or not, so I might as well make the best of my current situation.

Quote from: Constance on October 14, 2013, 10:36:26 PM
I guess I feel like I have the damned thing, whether I want it or not, so I might as well make the best of my current situation.

Exactly!

Quote from: RavenMoon on October 14, 2013, 10:54:37 PMExactly!

I don't mind its uses, I'd just prefer to not have it.

Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 10:58:13 PM
I don't mind its uses, I'd just prefer to not have it.

Same here. But thats what I have and it's been fun.  ;D

Quote from: RavenMoon on October 14, 2013, 11:04:20 PMSame here. But thats what I have and it's been fun.  ;D

Never really tried it out with others. I'm not confident in my body image, so why bother?

There are so many great men out there and they usually have a girl friend already. 8)   I have been fortunate to find men that loved me thoroughly, romantically and persuasively for years.  That was before i came out transgender.  It is way too easy to find a hook up for casual sex as many guys are accustomed to compartmentalized sex and relationships....well just "getting off" is not a date really?  Dating is like a complicated dance that does not always fit the music.  Sure it all works out in Hollywood but real time means you kiss frogs more often than the just right prince.

I would let guys know I am bi and that I am a girly bottom.  Might as well be upfront these days.  Many gay men are not in to twinks, or fem guys and many often want a "straight" appearing man.  Finding the guy with a profile that matches is part of the new dating scene for some.  I found dreamy ways of dissociating from my genitals during intimacy, turning it into a toy or "theirs."

Romance is unpredictable and the one you want may not return the affection and the converse too, of course.  Talking on the phone first seems helpful and reminds me of teenage fun.  I have known many men who have been or are still in very long term relationships.  There are as many options as there are people ready to meet you.

Being bi means that for me it is about sharing love with an individual not the gender, the genitals or the grunts and groans.  When I appeared to be a man, in the past, women did hit on me but I knew what they saw in me was not who I was as an intimate partner.  So much hurt and heartache can be avoided by honest if, vulnerable conversation.  Try it over candle light. :angel:

I just stopped. It became so complicated. OKCupid brought lots of men but most all just wondering how a person changes their gender the others were mainly gay & not my cup of tea.

Just an update.  OKCUPID works, maybe better for you than myself.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on October 17, 2013, 08:42:02 PM
Just an update.  OKCUPID works, maybe better for you than myself.

Hmm, OKC hasn't been working for me. At least, not yet.

There are plenty of men, the right one will show up. I live in such a rural area no one was even close & I did not want any long distance affair.

Anyway plenty of sex before. I'm trying my best to keep focused toward my SRS & need to just wait longer.

Good luck.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on October 17, 2013, 08:42:02 PM
I just stopped. It became so complicated. OKCupid brought lots of men but most all just wondering how a person changes their gender the others were mainly gay & not my cup of tea.

Just an update.  OKCUPID works, maybe better for you than myself.

That's odd, my experience with Ok Cupid is that I get lots of guys interested in me (I haven't really had any gay ones, though I had a few who wanted me to be a top, and I was just like um no... next please) but they mostly seem to be only interested in sex, which is nice, but I want an actual boyfriend, someone who I have an emotional connection with and who will be there for me when I need him. Also despite being only interested in sex most of them seem to be terrible at it. I had one who wanted a real relationship, but then he was never there for me and only wanted to see me occasionly, I think I had an anxiety disorder, but still he didn't fulfill any of my needs in a relationship. So I'm still trying to figure that one out, but I've had better luck with Ok Cupid than the other dating sites I've tried.

I have a date arranged for next week, my first time dating as a girl. Me and him have chatted via email for a while and spoken on the phone, he knows my situation and is very understanding. Just a coffee and a chat and despite any temptation on my part that's all it will be for now (quick bj on my knees in the bathroom does sound appealing hehe)

I met him on a uk dating website, after I wife pushed me to experience dating, she says it's a wonderful stage in any girls life and I shouldn't miss out. We'll see how wonderful it is lol

Saz xxx

Hehehe I know, I'm not that kind of girl, anyway. I'm still a virgin as a girl.. And in no major rush to change that ;)


Saz xxx

I've met some nice women on OKCupid, but they all tell me there are lots of stupid rude men on there that want nothing but a hookup. If you read some of the women's profiles you will see their rants about this.

I may find a man the old fashion way. I dressed nice & went shopping at the local Goodwill store. Nice women & not too busy, they are very nice to me. I told them I'm trying to maybe finally change/complete my body with a vagina however it will be a year or more & I'm lonely for a man now. They said maybe, we know men that would like you like you, you look nice. She said I'll talk with him to get his number & when you are in next time to shop I'll give it to you. Might be worth it to maybe date/kiss a frog, you never know.

That was a nice afternoon anyway.

Just a suggestion to others.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on October 18, 2013, 04:15:36 PM
I may find a man the old fashion way. I dressed nice & went shopping at the local Goodwill store. Nice women & not too busy, they are very nice to me. I told them I'm trying to maybe finally change/complete my body with a vagina however it will be a year or more & I'm lonely for a man now. They said maybe, we know men that would like you like you are, you look nice, we understand it takes time. She said I'll talk with him to get his number & when you are in next time to shop I'll give it to you. Might be worth it to maybe date/kiss a frog, you never know.

That was a nice afternoon anyway.

Just a suggestion to others.

I just find guys in the real world in social situations. Way better IMO than trying to find a match online.

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on October 18, 2013, 04:42:01 PM
I just find guys in the real world in social situations. Way better IMO than trying to find a match online.

Yeah, the real world situations seem like they'd be more organic. Not having much success there yet either. But maybe I'm just in the wrong places.

Quote from: sazzy on October 18, 2013, 04:04:59 AM
I have a date arranged for next week, my first time dating as a girl. Me and him have chatted via email for a while and spoken on the phone, he knows my situation and is very understanding. Just a coffee and a chat and despite any temptation on my part that's all it will be for now (quick bj on my knees in the bathroom does sound appealing hehe)

I met him on a uk dating website, after I wife pushed me to experience dating, she says it's a wonderful stage in any girls life and I shouldn't miss out. We'll see how wonderful it is lol

Saz xxx  Sassy your woman friend is right if you enjoy men. If I can, let him know to treat you like a lady & be nice to you. Sometimes on a first date if my man was coming to my apartment I would ask the man to bring flowers or a bottle of wine just to see if they really cared or just in a hurry. You would be suprised what nice things men brought to a first date. I'm usure about you however if the man was handsome & nice looking I melted to me knees so easy, it was great for me. No bathroom girl, make him be nice to you or as they say kick him to the curb.

Good luck & have fun, just be yourself & if he does not turn you on just gracefully like a woman slip away, you have to wash your hair, etc.....

Francis

For me I'm "Talking to someone" (That period right before things become official). I've been single for the past 5 yrs. I've been on HRT for 12 mos and at the beginning I thought no man would want me so early on in my journey. I'm not presenting 24/7 yet so this only made me feel I had to stay single. But around Jan of this yr I thought well why not try to date even if it's online?? I was with 2 trans attracted guys 6yrs prior and I was pretty much in the same boat as now minus the HRT. Anyway I met two amazing guys on a dating site and was excited, But once I revealed I was trans they cut all contact. This hurt like hell and I felt discouraged. But just when I was about to give up a really sweet guy found me. We've been talking since August and things are going smoothly. He complements me and tells me I'm beautiful even when I don't feel that way, he told me he'd support me anyway he could through my journey, something I never expected to hear from a man. He even told me when we first started chatting that we'd be together. I laughed at the thought but he was very serious, and now for some reason I believe him. So to any girl who feels like it isn't possible I say think again.You'll be pleasantly surprised what wonderful things will happen when you try.

Quote from: Janae on October 19, 2013, 01:40:28 AM
For me I'm "Talking to someone" (That period right before things become official). I've been single for the past 5 yrs. I've been on HRT for 12 mos and at the beginning I thought no man would want me so early on in my journey. I'm not presenting 24/7 yet so this only made me feel I had to stay single. But around Jan of this yr I thought well why not try to date even if it's online?? I was with 2 trans attracted guys 6yrs prior and I was pretty much in the same boat as now minus the HRT. Anyway I met two amazing guys on a dating site and was excited, But once I revealed I was trans they cut all contact. This hurt like hell and I felt discouraged. But just when I was about to give up a really sweet guy found me. We've been talking since August and things are going smoothly. He complements me and tells me I'm beautiful even when I don't feel that way, he told me he'd support me anyway he could through my journey, something I never expected to hear from a man. He even told me when we first started chatting that we'd be together. I laughed at the thought but he was very serious, and now for some reason I believe him. So to any girl who feels like it isn't possible I say think again.You'll be pleasantly surprised what wonderful things will happen when you try.

What a nice story, thank you, love your colors.  We all have to open up & try.

You are very welcome FrancisAnn!!

And yes nothing beats a bad fail but a good try.

ok, I have been communicating with a man for about 2 weeks. I met him on a dating site, I am not listed as trans and do have a couple of pics up. He wants to know more, but respects my privacy. He also wants to meet. I am ok with meeting but I hate having to stay so private. I have done it in the past...but its just not me. I will not tell him the truth about my past until we have met and talked more. I want him to meet me and get to know me!!

I am stealth and if I told him my full name he could easily find out more about me. I want to be honest with him and hate being like this. I would of liked to included my trans status on my profile on the site....but because I am stealth I wouldn't of been able to include any pics ...and then all I would get is ->-bleeped-<-s. I just want to share some enjoyable time with someone!!

I would rather just stop communicating all together rather than tell him the truth, I just let things go to far and have found that we are very similar in thought and activities. I hate life!!!

I have actually ran into a few gud guys...notice i said few, most of them were pervs, freaks, or ->-bleeped-<-s. I see it this way men are always going to be men regardless... They will always think with the wrong head n yes sometimes it gets annoying but there is actually some decent guys out there, they are just hard to come across n I am speaking from my own experience

Just be careful. Some men really don't understand. For me I'd be happy to date a pretty open and after op . My own situation is I've never really felt male. My sister's would wear dresses and I wished it was me. However I kept all that hidden. Apart from a couple of gay experiences I've always preferred women. But, I also prefer women over men to talk to and be freinds with. I'm now 57 and married but feel I've wasted my life. I should have spoken about my feelings. I think it was because I was a teen in the 1970s. It wasn't a very accepting time. So I kept my feelings hidden. But now I want to talk about how I feel. If a pre op MTF came my way I'd happily date her. I've no problems with the sexual organs. But I would say just be very careful. Some men are just bad and would pretend to like you but really, they're full of hate. Some may go out with you but even if you'd explained the situation when it came to the bit they'd freak out. I told some "mates" (no more) that I'd had gay experiences and it quite quickly turned nasty. It started with them joking but then it went on and on. They wouldn't let it go. Eventually I told them to leave it and that's when it got really nasty. I told them because I thought they would be ok about it. They always said that they were fine about gay people and gay marriage. My story showed the latent feelings of fear? Hatred? Just not understanding. I don't know but it was unpleasant. All I can say is how I feel and that is if a pre op MTF asked me in a date I'd say yes and I would enjoy anything that came out of it. The genitalia is already something I've experienced. The other thing is. I don't know what I am. I want to wear women's clothes. I am always more comfortable in women's company and have always felt uncomfortable among men. Maybe because I was bullied badly at school. So at the moment I'm trying to work out what I am. I like MTF, post and pre but also I like women.

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I don't want "the op", but I can't see it really being a major roadblock. More straight guys than one might think are okay with it, and I'm not dysphoric about down there, so why should I bother?

I've met really good straight guys at work who never thought about a trans, some I told right after they asked me out and some I talked to for a few days and told them before the date, but most of the guys that ask me out decide to give me a chance because they found me beautiful. Most continued seeing and the ones that didn't, continued having sex with me; the guys that kept seeing me I would date for a few months and then break up with them. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I like male attention too much.

I've Been out with straight guys pre hrt as well, but those were just sexual relationships.

It's all what you are comfortable with I suppose. I don't have any illusion anymore that women do it for me, so I have only dated men in the last seven years. One before transition that didn't work at all.

I have dated men and had sex with some of them since I started to transition. It's the same as with any two people dating from everything I have seen. Been dating the same guy for 8 months now, just moved in with him actually. I have always been upfront about the ah... dangly bit being off limits. It was off limits to my ex-wife the last few years we were married too. It would be easier if I didn't have a problem there but I do.

I said, when I started, that I would wait until after the surgery. As my unrealistic time line for surgery started to stretch and become more realistic, I just didn't want to wait any longer. Took a bit to find the right guy but the journey was not a bumpy one. I would say that the two biggest problems that I have had that seem to differ from my girl friends are.

1 - The filtering process is more extensive.
They don't have to deal with ->-bleeped-<-s. They they don't have to worry about the guy having fears of social ridicule if your transsexual status becomes known.

2 - The, seemingly unending, series of, "No, you may not touch that."
Not that women don't have to worry about no means no. That we have in common. Just that, once the yes has been established , still doesn't mean that anyone gets to touch me there. I have to get up the nerve every single time before hair removal and not because of the pain. I want the surgery more than I want air, and the hair removal  is prep for that but, it... well, I can't explain how horrible it is for me to be touched there. Anyway, some of the guys I have been with, most of them really, keep wanting to go there. I say "most" because some of the men who have had no real interest in that part still wanted to take care of me. I can take care of myself thank you. It's not difficult in the least and doesn't interfere with the process any more than any girl doing the same thing.

Hope that isn't TMI. Just that it is possible to go all the way if wanted.

Maybe that is the real story of being transsexuals. Maybe we are the same as everyone else, all things are possible, just what we have to do to get there. It seems that everything is one more step away for me than most of the people that I know. Okay sometimes it's a few steps. An additional concern. A little more in depth examination of a situation or myself. A little more exposed.

Dating is probably the same. Just that little bit more required.

Go get him Sweetie!
Life is too long to live in a cave.
I have dated women and men and used to double-date with my older Sis in our college years. Now my wife sometimes sets us up with doubles, sometimes both men, sometimes both women, sometimes mixed.
I love the thrill of the first look, the first touch, the slight hesitancy on a guy's face when he discovers your extra parts.

Perhaps because i dated men before transition or it is just the person i am, i have a fairly relaxed attitude toward dating men now and the inevitable intimacy that occurs. An emotional connection preceding the physical is important for me, that is the bigger factor. Now this may not seem "casual" by definition but for me it fits. I don't have dysphoria about anyone touching me down "there" but of course it is of limited usefulness in intimacy anyways.

The guy i am seeing now, we have seemed to have settled into a pattern for those activities which works for us both. I think we all adapt and do the best we can in expressions of love and affection.