Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Has anyone else done this?  Got any advice?  So far I've started with panties and socks and most recently added a training corset.   The corset is a bit bulky at the top and somewhat noticeable, it also radically changed my posture since I used to always slump over.  Tonight was the first night wearing it out.   I def saw some reactions from people who didn't know which bothered me a little bit but not a big deal.  Anyways, so far everything I have changed has has felt incredibly comfortable and natural for me to wear, even the corset which while somewhat uncomfortable to wear makes me feel so good about my shape while wearing it.

I'm going to add some boots next since I love boots and a pair of girl sneakers since I can wear both with my current wardrobe which is mostly unisex.  What do add next?  Maybe some minor makeup? Eyeliner and such?  Should I swap into girl shirts/pants/skirts at the same time?

A lot of folks know about me being trans in the community now but even with a lot of people who know I'd rather ease people into things, as well as myself.  (Small town, super small). I know my closer friends wouldn't be bothered if I went ft now even.  I really want to finish my transition into ft girl clothes before our off season ends. Could def use help with a plan of action as I desperately want to go to ft girl clothes now even, hrt or not.

This is how I did it. I had changed *a lot* when I got confronted by any of my family. My sister asked me I had breasts, and had women's clothing on eventually :-) . My parents were, seeming, still however extremely shocked by it. They said I had never been femine (despite my having long hair and nails throughout my childhood), which was quite funny as they had just failed to spot that their make up wearing, women's clothing wearing, jewellery clad, high heeled, noticeably breast displaying 'son' had gender issues. lol. I didn't really *trust* their trans spotting opinion as such! lol

I Anywhooz, at home I wore whatever I liked but publicly, I started with nail polish, then, eyes, femmed my clothes, and accessories and slowly started emphasising my breasts, then full make up with contouring. I came out to my friends at different stages throughout and let my family ask (as I wanted to get them used to it - like you). Finally I came out at work. I was surprised by the fact there were a good few who hadn't figured it out and thought I was just 'eccentric'.

I wouldn't think that a partial change of costume would work.  If you are going to go full time there will be a day when you do it, and then everyone will know.

The reaction when you were wearing the corset might have been because you were up straight instead of slumped, that is noticeable.  Do you mean just a corset or a basque?  If it has a bust you can't hide it.

When I was fully dressed as female where I live and at church but still male at work I would meet people in town and have to think: Do they know me as a woman, or as a trans-woman?  Might they mention me to someone who only knew me as a man?  Once I was full time it was a lot easier.

If you felt better about your shape with the corset I would say go for it.  Only you really know if it's right.  Advice about makeup will differ, but mine is take care not to overdo it - that looks silly.  I started with a light brown eye shadow and an almost clear lip gloss.  After two years FT I'm ready to move up a notch.

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on October 12, 2013, 05:23:04 AM
they had just failed to spot that their make up wearing, women's clothing wearing, jewellery clad, high heeled, noticeably breast displaying 'son' had gender issues.

->-bleeped-<- spotter FAIL!

Even after a year on hormones (bought offshore - not recommended) my breast development was hardly noticeable.  I went straight to a 'B' (USA 'A') which is quite obvious and looks a lot better in a dress.

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on October 12, 2013, 05:23:04 AM
This is how I did it. I had changed *a lot* when I got confronted by any of my family. My sister asked me I had breasts, and had women's clothing on eventually :-) . My parents were, seeming, still however extremely shocked by it. They said I had never been femine (despite my having long hair and nails throughout my childhood), which was quite funny as they had just failed to spot that their make up wearing, women's clothing wearing, jewellery clad, high heeled, noticeably breast displaying 'son' had gender issues. lol. I didn't really *trust* their trans spotting opinion as such! lol

I Anywhooz, at home I wore whatever I liked but publicly, I started with nail polish, then, eyes, femmed my clothes, and accessories and slowly started emphasising my breasts, then full make up with contouring. I came out to my friends at different stages throughout and let my family ask (as I wanted to get them used to it - like you). Finally I came out at work. I was surprised by the fact there were a good few who hadn't figured it out and thought I was just 'eccentric'.

Im lucky enough that my family/friends most all know.   I'm fairly certain, few were surprised by my coming out.   I've been slowly feminizing for years before coming out.   I also run my own business(not very big but it pays the bills) and most of my employees are relatives/close friends some of which are actively helping me with my clothing/makeup/beatification.   I am ofcourse slowly building up clothes/makeup/ect everything that i need, and mixing things in as i get it.   I really just want to dive into dressing full femme FT, but at the same time i dont want to shock people since that usually doesnt turn out well as opposed to letting people get used to the idea.   

Quote from: MaryXYX on October 12, 2013, 05:39:57 AM
I wouldn't think that a partial change of costume would work.  If you are going to go full time there will be a day when you do it, and then everyone will know.

The reaction when you were wearing the corset might have been because you were up straight instead of slumped, that is noticeable.  Do you mean just a corset or a basque?  If it has a bust you can't hide it.

When I was fully dressed as female where I live and at church but still male at work I would meet people in town and have to think: Do they know me as a woman, or as a trans-woman?  Might they mention me to someone who only knew me as a man?  Once I was full time it was a lot easier.

If you felt better about your shape with the corset I would say go for it.  Only you really know if it's right.  Advice about makeup will differ, but mine is take care not to overdo it - that looks silly.  I started with a light brown eye shadow and an almost clear lip gloss.  After two years FT I'm ready to move up a notch.

Well, in my case, im so well known in town here, that by the time new years rolls around(if not a hell of alot sooner.) i will be out to literally everyone in town.  So for me, passing or not isnt really an issue since everyone already knows me as a man.(but i most certainly do want to be passable).   Id just rather my being trans becoming "OLD HAT" so to speak, which would give me alot more breathing room.  I know for a fact that at work, when i deal with tourists, i will have zero issue what so ever passing, a great benefit to dealing with drunk/wasted people all day haha, although my biggest hurdle will be voice really. For me the transition to FT Femme clothes is one more of being comfortable in public, strange looks or not, esp when im hanging with friends where i can let out the woman inside ive been suppressing all these years.     I really can't stand looking like a man or being perceived as such, and im at the point now where i want to keep pushing forward since a full transition is a long process.

This sound exactly like what I've been doing. I've started off slow with underwear, then I worked my way up to jeans, shirts,and makeup while supposedly calling what I was doing guy mode even though I don't dress like any guy I know.  :laugh:
But you can do it and get away with it I don't know if I would suggest it though it can be quite awkward at times. I don't know what it will be like to be out in a small town? I live around a major city with a large lgbt population so most people just read me as a gay guy at this point when I'm in andro mode.
But really it all depends on your comfort level but I do think it is good practice to being full time and before you know it not only will you be dressing feminine but you'll be carrying yourself in a feminine manner.
I will warn you it can be a slippery slope though as soon as you start presenting yourself as yourself even in small ways it can make it harder to actually fully dress as a male at least that's been my experience so far. :)

Yup! Exactly what I am going at the moment. I have a full stash of female clothing for various occasions - thanks to the courtesy of one of the members of this board ;), but at work I am incorporating small details here and there. Shifting my colours away from traditionally male ones  and choosing excentric designs :). Then, I am wearing feminine belts and skinny jeans as another accent. One of the reasons for this is because in S and M sized male clothes I feel uncomfortable - my breasts cause "strange" creases on my tops and the upfront pulled fabric gets too tight under armpits. i dont want to wear bra yet, because I dont feel like I need it for support and it would certainly push twins out even futher, thus outing me to those I am not ready yet to face :).

I was given the advice to "find my style". I looked at what other women my general shape and age were wearing and what I thought would look good on me. I looked at their jewelry, casual dress, professional dress, etc.

After a while I began to get what I'd call a craving to wear certain items because I knew that's what I wanted to look like.

I hope this helps.

I typed a big long reply about the advantages of this method from my experience, compared to what others say about their *change in one day* approach, but it disappeared. :-(

These are the two strategies and if the gradual one works best for you, there is nothing to say against that. I did that myself. My progress was a bit different - I did not put so much effort on underwear, but rather started by getting "excentric" clothes firlst, LOL - I mean I just bought pants and jackets that were from the womens department or at least could have been but were well within the range that men could wear if they are a bit gay or metro - I was occasionally gendered female already. Then I added hormones to that and that gave it a huge boost. I plucked eyebrows and used a bit of eyeliner then, used more feminine T-Shirts (still all within the androgynous realm though). I was then mostly gendered female, especially when I used a padded bra. I did have times at that stage when I did go for a much more feminine outfit, more bra padding and more makeup, but that was not daily appearance. A more abrupt stage was when I used conceiler to hide the facial hair - that was then more or less a clear sign that I dont want to be seen as male. Then my style in clothes also changed at that time towards a bit more clearly female - different colors and cuts of pants and shirts. I did not change much for shoes, I just loved sneakers always, but I used different types that were a bit more what girls my age did at that time. I also got ear piercings at that time. I shopped in stores then for clothing that were targeted for girls at my age, early twens, so I more or less automatically chose what is age appropriate (lol, all the cheap accessories for late teen girls). I think I got to something like 80% passability at that time. Then I went to the therapist and he was talking to me something about going fulltime and I was a bit like "wait, what?" LOL. I must say at some point I overshot then a bit and did choose clothes that were a bit underaged (like maybe more for 18 year olds not 23) and more femme than my body would support, so I scrapped that eventually.
The benefit of this was that I kind of avoided too much pseudopassing. If I wear a skirt and heels and lots of jewelry, I tell people "please call me she" and often they will do so even if the think you are just acting. Plus I found it much more natural and feeling less faked to do this slowly and naturally. It made it tons easier to find my style at that time.

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 12, 2013, 07:33:55 AM
I was given the advice to "find my style". I looked at what other women my general shape and age were wearing and what I thought would look good on me. I looked at their jewelry, casual dress, professional dress, etc.

After a while I began to get what I'd call a craving to wear certain items because I knew that's what I wanted to look like.

I hope this helps.

Right on!  We do all have to find our own style, but women of similar age and setting are a good place to start studying.

I get the impression that most people will see a skirt, or other obviously female clothing, and see a woman.  Unless there is any obvious give-away they are likely to go on seeing a woman.  I had to do a lot of work on my voice as I sing bass but I raised the pitch into the lower end of the female range myself, and took out the chest resonance.  The speech therapist was very pleased when I first met her and set me homework on intonation and expression.  I still have a lot of work to do but I get the impression I generally pass with people who have no reason to look for the clues.

Quote from: anjaq on October 12, 2013, 08:48:20 AM
These are the two strategies and if the gradual one works best for you, there is nothing to say against that. I did that myself. My progress was a bit different - I did not put so much effort on underwear, but rather started by getting "excentric" clothes firlst, LOL - I mean I just bought pants and jackets that were from the womens department or at least could have been but were well within the range that men could wear if they are a bit gay or metro - I was occasionally gendered female already. Then I added hormones to that and that gave it a huge boost. I plucked eyebrows and used a bit of eyeliner then, used more feminine T-Shirts (still all within the androgynous realm though). I was then mostly gendered female, especially when I used a padded bra. I did have times at that stage when I did go for a much more feminine outfit, more bra padding and more makeup, but that was not daily appearance. A more abrupt stage was when I used conceiler to hide the facial hair - that was then more or less a clear sign that I dont want to be seen as male. Then my style in clothes also changed at that time towards a bit more clearly female - different colors and cuts of pants and shirts. I did not change much for shoes, I just loved sneakers always, but I used different types that were a bit more what girls my age did at that time. I also got ear piercings at that time. I shopped in stores then for clothing that were targeted for girls at my age, early twens, so I more or less automatically chose what is age appropriate (lol, all the cheap accessories for late teen girls). I think I got to something like 80% passability at that time. Then I went to the therapist and he was talking to me something about going fulltime and I was a bit like "wait, what?" LOL. I must say at some point I overshot then a bit and did choose clothes that were a bit underaged (like maybe more for 18 year olds not 23) and more femme than my body would support, so I scrapped that eventually.
The benefit of this was that I kind of avoided too much pseudopassing. If I wear a skirt and heels and lots of jewelry, I tell people "please call me she" and often they will do so even if the think you are just acting. Plus I found it much more natural and feeling less faked to do this slowly and naturally. It made it tons easier to find my style at that time.

My small town is so small, and im so incredibly well known, passing with locals is essentially impossible(although i do care about passing).   On the other hand, when i deal with tourists, im often gendered female(at least 2-3 times a night during the summer.)  I'm really just trying to acclimate others to my situation since i deal with the public(re:in a two week span i easily see literally everyone in town, sometimes even in a weekend). I'd much rather let the word get around while i slowly transition into girl clothes full time, instead of shocking people and possibly creating tense situations that could have otherwise been avoided with a little patience).   I'm also hesitant to buy alot of outfits since with HRT(which i havent yet started) my shape is going to change and buy more clothes later seems like id have wasted money i dont have to waist.   On the plus side, my step sister is going to visit  in december and bring some old clothes she doesnt need, we both have fairly similar height/frames, so im hoping much of the stuff she bring will fit.  The way they deal with HRT and giving it out(while i understand why they do it) does make things alot more expensive esp for those who arent exactly rolling in money.

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on October 12, 2013, 05:23:04 AM
This is how I did it. I had changed *a lot* when I got confronted by any of my family. My sister asked me I had breasts, and had women's clothing on eventually :-) . My parents were, seeming, still however extremely shocked by it. They said I had never been femine (despite my having long hair and nails throughout my childhood), which was quite funny as they had just failed to spot that their make up wearing, women's clothing wearing, jewellery clad, high heeled, noticeably breast displaying 'son' had gender issues. lol. I didn't really *trust* their trans spotting opinion as such! lol

Akira, I should bill my dry cleaning to you because I snorted my morning tea out of my nose! *giggle*  ;D Thanks for making my morning!
As for me, in redneck hell, the gradual approach was the best and safest way for me to go. I think therapist set some of us up to fail by the sink or swim approach instead of a gradual, comfortable approach. My problem with therapist who say "next appointment be dressed" is no one has muscle memory female movements or anything like that, usually, and it is overwhelming. Most of us have the feeling we were always in the wrong body, some of us for twenty or thirty years, but to go from acting one sex for years and then be expected to change overnight is not rational, In my opinion.

I have never seen a gender therapist, but I was seeing a therapist at my own expense for depression and anxiety problems.  I talked to her about the gender issues, then I started going to her office as male and changing in the washroom before talking to her.  I was still living with my wife so I couldn't travel as female.  Is that an option?

If it works it is. No one person is the same.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 13, 2013, 08:32:23 AM
Akira, I should bill my dry cleaning to you because I snorted my morning tea out of my nose! *giggle*  ;D Thanks for making my morning!
As for me, in redneck hell, the gradual approach was the best and safest way for me to go. I think therapist set some of us up to fail by the sink or swim approach instead of a gradual, comfortable approach. My problem with therapist who say "next appointment be dressed" is no one has muscle memory female movements or anything like that, usually, and it is overwhelming. Most of us have the feeling we were always in the wrong body, some of us for twenty or thirty years, but to go from acting one sex for years and then be expected to change overnight is not rational, In my opinion.

:-) Hehe. Their reasoning didn't get any better after that. They also offered the idea that it would be OK if it had been my brother but not me, as he wore bow ties when he was younger and I did not. If you can find *any* logic in the bow tie as an indicator of transgender people, I would *love* to hear it.

Yep I think the slower transition gives people time to prepare. I think some people resent it if they have no fore warning, which I think is often/sometimes the case in over night transitions. Slower transitions also makes people feel that you haven't been hiding something from them as it get's very visible. I liked that different people figured it out and asked me at different stages, so I didn't have to deal with everyone at the same time. I did do a sit down with quite a few people though, when I thought I really needed people to start calling me appropriately. The people who asked earlier were naturally closer to me, so it allowed me to get some support before handling the wider group. I found that each time I allowed myself to get a step closer to *me* it made things more bearable at work. It also made me want to go faster! :-) It was great feeling the change between work and home get smaller and smaller and then disappear. :-) I used to loath having to change. Yep, I think overall it was the right thing for me. :-)

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on October 14, 2013, 12:02:01 AM

Yep I think the slower transition gives people time to prepare. I think some people resent it if they have no fore warning, which I think is often/sometimes the case in over night transitions. Slower transitions also makes people feel that you haven't been hiding something from them as it get's very visible. I liked that different people figured it out and asked me at different stages, so I didn't have to deal with everyone at the same time. I did do a sit down with quite a few people though, when I thought I really needed people to start calling me appropriately. The people who asked earlier were naturally closer to me, so it allowed me to get some support before handling the wider group. I found that each time I allowed myself to get a step closer to *me* it made things more bearable at work. It also made me want to go faster! :-) It was great feeling the change between work and home get smaller and smaller and then disappear. :-) I used to loath having to change. Yep, I think overall it was the right thing for me. :-)

My thoughts on transitioning with clothes exactly.

I want to add to my sadly lacking female clothing collection but have no idea what sizes I need(good luck getting help measuring) the most I have is a bra, a dress(almost never wear) and a pair of boots that sometimes feel they fit better than other times and a tunic top that is best saved for when I have lost weight.

Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on October 14, 2013, 01:25:14 AM
I want to add to my sadly lacking female clothing collection but have no idea what sizes I need(good luck getting help measuring) the most I have is a bra, a dress(almost never wear) and a pair of boots that sometimes feel they fit better than other times and a tunic top that is best saved for when I have lost weight.

Do you not have any girlfriends to go shopping with you?  Never shop alone, well, unless you really want to.

Quote from: MaryXYX on October 13, 2013, 08:45:19 AM
I started going to her office as male and changing in the washroom before talking to her.  I was still living with my wife so I couldn't travel as female.  Is that an option?

Just one question - Why? Because the therapist wants it? Because it is a rare occasion to do this? I guess I can imagine some reasons ... for me, I never really "dressed" for such an occasion. Well ok, yeah I may have put on some different clothes than on other days to be presentable in a meeting but I guess if you go to a therapist before doing anything else, it is something people will do. Probably is a good way to get the courage to present that way and work with the therapist on getting a timeplan done to go fulltime and all that - this is IMO connected to the "jump into the water" way of basically doing this, dressing at the therapist for the appointment until one day one has the courage to just go fulltime the next day. I personally would never have done this, as it is not just about clothes and makeup but about the whole thing - body language, expression, voice, mannerisms - all of these things sort of come together IMO when doing a gradual approach. This IMO avoids having to "work hard to learn female body language" and such as there is plenty of time to shed old behaviours that do not fit and liberate behaviours that are within oneself and even learn some others while doing a gradual thing. So it grown more "organically". It is an awkward situation though for a while - being sort of bigendered for a while ;) - so this is also not for everyone, I assume. This is all just in my opinion, I dont want to judge anyone for doing it another way that suits them better, my experience with doing it slow was a good one.

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on October 14, 2013, 12:02:01 AM
They also offered the idea that it would be OK if it had been my brother but not me, as he wore bow ties when he was younger and I did not. If you can find *any* logic in the bow tie as an indicator of transgender people, I would *love* to hear it.

Hey, Bow ties are cool ;)
I never ever wore a tie, the few times I had to I did a bowtie and I am TS, so it has to be so ;)

QuoteI found that each time I allowed myself to get a step closer to *me* it made things more bearable at work. It also made me want to go faster! :-) It was great feeling the change between work and home get smaller and smaller and then disappear. :-) I used to loath having to change.

This exactly.
I guess it is a personality thing. I am probably similat ro Akira and Sophie in that I prefer slow gradual changes with not too many jumps. Though of ocurse jumps can be cool too. SRS inevitably is such a jump and it can feel great to do something like that, so I guess to go "fulltime"  in one day may be such a point, though the irreversibility of it is not really given, unlike SRS which made that particular jump interesting for me. Just saying that the slower approach is ok and works and is fine and yes - once started it will definitely accellerate beyond planning and in no time you find yourself "fulltime"... ;)

Quote from: SoapiSophie on October 14, 2013, 03:52:53 AM
Do you not have any girlfriends to go shopping with you?  Never shop alone, well, unless you really want to.

Only really have two friends both are a couple and wear basically t-shirts and shorts or jeans(like I want to) but one tends to buy from mens section and the other from boys clothes(she is quite small) and so do not really understand the sizing much like me. They are both great girls, have known one for at least three years and the other a year. They are both helping me through my transition and are very supportive.

But no I do not have any girlfriends that can help, I have two I can shop with but not for what I need. :)

Haha - yeah  I get you Emerald. I had mostly LBGT friends during transition which did not reyll help when trying to do something like go shopping for clothes. And even if I would have gotten support from my mom, she is shopping in the boys section as well. Lots of butchiness around me at that time ;) - so I shopped with T friends but of course we were good company but maybe not the best judges on style. But I think I still did well 99% of the time :)

Quote from: anjaq on October 14, 2013, 11:53:03 AM
Just one question - Why? Because the therapist wants it? Because it is a rare occasion to do this? I guess I can imagine some reasons ... for me, I never really "dressed" for such an occasion.

Not for the therapist, for myself.  I felt more comfortable speaking to her as Mary than as my old identity.  I had to change there because it was some time before I made the decision to transition.  My wife actually threw me out well before I made the decision, but I did want to postpone that event.

I just think its important for a therapist to see you dressed because it shows your serious about it.

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on October 14, 2013, 12:02:01 AM
:-) Hehe. Their reasoning didn't get any better after that. They also offered the idea that it would be OK if it had been my brother but not me, as he wore bow ties when he was younger and I did not. If you can find *any* logic in the bow tie as an indicator of transgender people, I would *love* to hear it.

Nothing transgender, but does he drive a TARDIS?

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on October 17, 2013, 07:59:09 PM
I just think its important for a therapist to see you dressed because it shows your serious about it.

This! I'm dying to see the look on my therapists face on Monday, fingers crossed that I will show up dressed as my real self. During my first appointment I showed up as the man that I've been for 29 years and I don't know if it has any impact on what she thought of me but I did have a crap ton of fears about everything so It's also important for myself to present as a female in public as that is my 2nd/3rd biggest fear. Which should be 1st/2nd after conquering my #1 fear over the weekend.

I just really want her to see the smiling happy woman that I am versus the sad looking man she first saw a week and a half ago.

Not to mention, if there is any one place you should be able to feel comfortable, its at your therapist office.  If not, they maybe its time to find a new one.  The office I go to is the only one for like 100 miles that also has a psychiatrist.  There are a ton of people who come in hysterical, wanting to die, psychotic from being awake for over a week ect.   This in a way is somewhat comforting for me since I just think about how much worse a place I could be in.

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on October 17, 2013, 09:26:51 PM
Not to mention, if there is any one place you should be able to feel comfortable, its at your therapist office.  If not, they maybe its time to find a new one.  The office I go to is the only one for like 100 miles that also has a psychiatrist.  There are a ton of people who come in hysterical, wanting to die, psychotic from being awake for over a week ect.   This in a way is somewhat comforting for me since I just think about how much worse a place I could be in.

I agree, one should feel 100% comfortable to be who they are at their therapists/psychiatrists office. My problem is the whole distance between my apartment and her office. It's a fear that I got to conquer though for my own sake into transitioning. I didn't see any of that at the office I went to as it was rather late in the day but a guy did hold the door open for me, so I'll take that as a moment of win!

Quote from: Megan on October 17, 2013, 09:20:34 PM
I just really want her to see the smiling happy woman that I am versus the sad looking man she first saw a week and a half ago.

That is a big argument.  Perhaps more for you than for the therapist but even so.

Quote from: Megan on October 17, 2013, 09:55:18 PM
... a guy did hold the door open for me, so I'll take that as a moment of win!

Doesn't it feel good!  Like when a young man steps back to let me get on the bus first.

Quote from: Megan on October 17, 2013, 09:55:18 PM
I agree, one should feel 100% comfortable to be who they are at their therapists/psychiatrists office. My problem is the whole distance between my apartment and her office. It's a fear that I got to conquer though for my own sake into transitioning. I didn't see any of that at the office I went to as it was rather late in the day but a guy did hold the door open for me, so I'll take that as a moment of win!

I really appreciate that my therapist allows me to change in the washroom at her office.  I'm braver now but when I first started with her it was a real benefit.

Quote from: Paige on October 18, 2013, 01:38:23 PM
I really appreciate that my therapist allows me to change in the washroom at her office.  I'm braver now but when I first started with her it was a real benefit.

I've done it twice... and will continue to do so. That might help expand my wardrobe, too!

I use the bathroom in the office building - so some minor chances for people to see me (though my therapist is right across the hall). Then, waiting for him... both weeks there have been other people in the waiting room! There are almost never others in there. My therapist has two others in the group. Still... all of them are there for therapy :D

For me it wasn't so much not being brave, it was not being able to go home to my wife as female.  One time I changed in the disabled toilet at work and drove to the therapist as female.  Fortunately that wasn't the time I realised my wife was driving the car behind me!

The first time I appeared at the therapist I arrived as male and told the receptionist I had to visit the washroom.  I came out as female and her response was: "Ooh Mary!  You look great!"  That's before the therapist even got to see me.

I go to my VA therapist always dressed, never even In jeans. It is quite  an experience sitting in the waiting room with a bunch of other male vets.  I surprise myself sometimes, even though I don't wear skirts or dresses every day although I wear female clothes and a bra everyday.  I feel like I need to know if I can,  if  I decide to go further.

Samantha

Quote from: MaryXYX on October 17, 2013, 04:19:57 PM
Not for the therapist, for myself.  I felt more comfortable speaking to her as Mary than as my old identity.  I had to change there because it was some time before I made the decision to transition.  My wife actually threw me out well before I made the decision, but I did want to postpone that event.

Ok yeah  I somehow get that. But ... well I dont know. Personality did not change for me that much with dressing except if I would maybe have to do some Über-male stuff. Actually if I put up all the Über-feminine stuff I would feel so fake that I would see myself as a "man in drag" more than the woman I am when I just did come there as I did. I was still just me and did not want to need a crutch to be me. But then for me it was different as I was on HRT before I went to the therapist, I dropped the fake male personality weeks before I went there and I did not have to go back to anything, so I just was me - dressing in a way that was andro leaning towards female and relying on other parts of me to be gendered F. But yeah I guess if you are not out and did not start transitioning, but are in the preparation phase of starting this, it makes sense to do something like that...

Panties bras leggings tights Camis are all good starts. Hugs Shannon

I should look into bras... won't need them for a while though.

I ordered some size 16 Levis - I hope they fit. They come tomorrow -- a day late for the therapist :'(
My Zulily order should have come today . . . hopefully that will be in the USPS tomorrow before I leave, too.

Lol, I just remembered - there was this fashion before I transitioned to wear black pantyhose under jeans that were totall worn down and had holes in them. I did that a few times. But I did not use girly pantyhose for it. I sewed patches of colored fabric to the inside of the Jeans instead. That was cool. Late 80ies yeah. I suppose I could have used the boy pantyhose (if they are called that in english?) that I still had but I was getting a bit old for them.

When I first started seeing a therapist, I was always in male-mode. I didn't think it would make any difference in terms of the value of the session and it was handy to leave work and simply drive there. I learned about myself and gained significant insight and self understanding.

After about a year, my therapist appointment landed on one of my days off and I took the time to pull a day-look together and go to the the appointment presenting en-femme as Cindi. (not my first time presenting in public)

On the drive home that day, I was talking with my wife and I had a double epiphany;
  1) I was actually being who I really am and I was fully present (vs. presenting en-femme) for the first time with my therapist
  2) How I processed feelings and thoughts was different than when I was in Male-Mode

I'm now am very disappointed when I can't be myself when I meet with the therapist.

- Cindi

Quote from: Cindi Lane on October 25, 2013, 03:21:01 PM
When I first started seeing a therapist, I was always in male-mode. I didn't think it would make any difference in terms of the value of the session and it was handy to leave work and simply drive there. I learned about myself and gained significant insight and self understanding.

After about a year, my therapist appointment landed on one of my days off and I took the time to pull a day-look together and go to the the appointment presenting en-femme as Cindi. (not my first time presenting in public)

On the drive home that day, I was talking with my wife and I had a double epiphany;
  1) I was actually being who I really am and I was fully present (vs. presenting en-femme) for the first time with my therapist
  2) How I processed feelings and thoughts was different than when I was in Male-Mode

I'm now am very disappointed when I can't be myself when I meet with the therapist.

- Cindi

Is there a bathroom there you can change in? That's what I do... though usually I go in something not too fem (jeans, girl shirt or sweater).

I still dont really get it, but I will leave you to it. For me it was just different. I was out before I met the therapist, I dressed as I liked to anyways, which was not to "femme" but also not typical male and I did not change before the therapists. My transition was only to a minor degree guided by clothes so I guess I really cannot comment much about this. I felt like myself after I came out to myself and everyone around me anyways, after I dropped the male facade it did not matter too much what I was wearing...well as long as it was nothing that was masculine. I could not have dressed in a male shirt and tie or anything like that without dying inside, but I also did not need to dress feminine either. And I saw no reason to not dress as I did all the time - therapist or no therapist. But again, I ay be weird that way, so maybe I should stop commenting too much here?

I'm already on to full outfits ATM.  I really just dont have enough clothes to go ft right.  But I'm out and about when I can be.  Still don't have makeup though.

My mum helped me with measurements and some clothes, I bought two pairs of jeans from an op shop one pair fits but a bit snug(size 20 pull ons) the others go on easily but don't zip up(size 18) but I am keeping them for when I lose weight. The clothes my mum has given me from her collection that are too small are two genie bra types things one white and one black, a purple top(favorite colour) and four pairs of underwear(unused). so now I know for jeans I am size 20-22 and shirts maybe a size 22 also.

I also bought a pairs of boots but they were alot tighter and shorter then I thought. Looks like I am a women's size 11 no matter what. :(

Well it is a start.

Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on October 29, 2013, 09:23:02 AM
I also bought a pairs of boots but they were alot tighter and shorter then I thought. Looks like I am a women's size 11 no matter what. :(

Well it is a start.

Better than 12. I plan on trying on some 11s when I get a chance, but my foot is a bit wide and 12s are a bit too long but otherwise fit perfectly.... seems like nobody carries 12s normally.

Hmm - is this FT or not: http://imgur.com/TAlCn1S

Quote from: anjaq on October 29, 2013, 02:49:03 PM
Hmm - is this FT or not: http://imgur.com/TAlCn1S

You don't need to be in a skirt to be full time :D Plus, boy clothes can definitely be in a girl's closet... don't know if any of those are. You look 100% girl to me!

I'm very slowly trying to buy clothes (ones that fit, hopefully -- and that's a definition that's changing with pre-HRT weight loss and *will* change with HRT) without breaking the bank (a tough prospect). I don't have a lot of clothes yet and some of those boy t-shirts really fit a more feminine outfit. (I have one black one I bought for sleepwear that I never used -- it's perfect for a lot of things - under or seen).

Yeah - in the pic, that is 100% "boy clothes" (or rather unisex I suppose but still bought in the boy section) and I really liked them actually. Not the most manly ones I guess but the ones I always liked best from them. Sorry for the face blur, but I am trying not to be too public. This was indeed me while I was transitioning 15 years ago. Just trying to illustrate what I meant by my descriptions that I was doing a more soft transition that did not really have a going FT day. I was just me and that was enough, I guess ;)

I guess what I am trying to say is that clothes are superficial, being oneself is what counts. Not pretending to be a guy anymore is what counts. Well and HRT counts of course LOL

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on October 28, 2013, 08:08:15 AM
I'm already on to full outfits ATM.  I really just dont have enough clothes to go ft right.  But I'm out and about when I can be.  Still don't have makeup though.

Your post seems like you are little hesitating to wear what you want to, to be frank what you are doing is good but if I would there in place of you then I would have gone through what I love to wear and not by other feel how I look,, if I'm not wrong in the first post you depicted that you were wearing corset and initially you were not feeling that good but at last it makes you feel good so its a request to you that be as it is like you are,, if you love yourself then you don't have to search here n there for dressings.

Quote from: maariajackson on November 07, 2013, 06:56:37 AM
Your post seems like you are little hesitating to wear what you want to, to be frank what you are doing is good but if I would there in place of you then I would have gone through what I love to wear and not by other feel how I look,, if I'm not wrong in the first post you depicted that you were wearing corset and initially you were not feeling that good but at last it makes you feel good so its a request to you that be as it is like you are,, if you love yourself then you don't have to search here n there for dressings.

To a minor degree I am.  Mostly because I don't want spend money on clothes I won't be able to wear.  Also cause I'm exploring a little bit and because a lot of stuff just doesn't fit right and I like to look good.

I am going for the gradual approach I started with underwear then went to girls tank tops with wide straps on hot days then went to nail polish and have worn a skirt 1 time but I do need to increase my wardrobe to.

Emily.T xx

We go at our own pace

I started by buying womans jeans and intergrating them into my daily wardrobe. I did a lot of shopping at h&m, they have a good amount of clothes that can go either way. Even their mens shirts have a more fem cut to them, very andro. I totally stopped buying mens clothes, probably about a year ago. I'm lucky that I'm a size 10 in womans shoes, so it's easy for me to find them. I recently went full time and my wardrobe hasn't really changed all too much from the past I would say 6 months. I have more of a tomboy/toned down rocker chick thing going that I think works for me. I have been wearing dresses more then before though, I'm currently on a stockings buying spree to wear with them.

I'm slowly building my wardrobe too. It takes a while. And as I do, I integrate into my daily wear so when I do go FT, it won't be so much of a shock to everyone, more of a transition as the term and name implies. A few thing each week, just the outer wear; I have everything else. And I have to be wise, because eventually, I'll need my own place.

I'm really at the start of transition, and for years I've always been wearing womens' sneakers etc, and some girls jeans that are not too tight where my dangley bits dangle. I've always had good excuses because my feet are size 38.5 and my waist is 26.5" which means mens trousers cannot be found for my size in the Netherlands, and mens' shoe sizes usually start from size 41, and my socks have always been womens (show size again).  I've often worn girls' jewelery and jackets so no issues there. I don't wear women's underwear being I see little difference between mens and womens, because they do similar jobs, except bras.   

And I wear this in work and out of work and with family and friends, and I've always looks a little gay/camp/girly without HRT.  I have no idea what'll happen if I present as female, because I have not been that close since I was a teenager with makeup and long crimped dyed hair and long fringes. I'm 40 now and still sometimes have strange glances if I walk around, and I don't mind ( except when they won't stop staring), because I really cannot imagine anybody would not mistake me for a man!

So, yes, I am slowly changing the way I dress., but there are not lots to change!  Funnily we went shopping for winter boots on Saturday and I had chosen a pretty cool pair of ankle high women's sneakers, and my wife tsuggested a really obvious pair of women's calf length leather boots with 2" heels and asked if I liked them because she thought they'd suite me, and I was taken by surprise ( we were in a women's only show shop ). A nice surprise I add.

So, step by step, and then the switch.

you could just slowly transition your style with your Appearance until its just unmistakenly female. Women who wear mens clothes still get seen as women. I think too that clothes only make a very small part of the entire transition process. Its your whole persona that changes

i agree there - people do often see past the clothes and if they do that and think of you as a male hiding behind too obviously feminine clothes, its worse. What has to change is what is inside these clothes, then the clothes dont matter. 

I lost a good weight since I started HRT, and I used that as an excuse to start changing my wardrobre to a more androgenous look.

I only wear T-shirts that look unisex or a bit feminine, with some golden details, or pink, or any color that is not masculine.

I'm slowly changing my pants to slim jeans because they shape my legs in a good feminine way (my thighs and hips have always been kind of feminine shaped). I also stole some old female jeans that were forgotten on my mother's wardrobe (well, I don't have a sister...) and I am waiting to use it. It is very feminine and give me a good shape.

I don't use watches anymore, as mine were masculine. Perhaps I can change to a feminine, but it might be too obvious for my family to spot that.

Jewelry would be too obvious as well.

I am already wearing panties and feminine socks! Sometimes I wear stockings with a garter and walk around feeling great (although no one can notice as they are hidden by my pants!)

Shoes are a hard part. I always liked wearing tennis and all mine are kind of unisex (I presume, as they show the size for males and females on it). One is gray, with details in bright colors. Not really too masculine nor too feminine...I wish I could change to some nice boots (I also have a good pair waiting for the day I will be ready)

I intend to wear this kind of clothes until I gather the courage to come out. After this day I will really start changing my wardrobe :)

It's kind of funny, as I have no problem going out wearing a wig, makeup and womens clothes. I always figure that no one would ever recognize me. I feel safe and usually don't have too many problems.

Today I went out looking more gender neutral, womans jeans, a diamond looking ring and a little beard coverup. It felt good being able to blend myself (if that's possible), like I wasn't hiding. Step by step the transition continues!!! :icon_joy:

Arent tighter jeans more the norm in Europe?  Here in the USA baggy pants(esp in the ass) are fairly in style and common.  So, tight jeans(girls or not) are generally seen as pretty feminine.

I grew my hair out first before anything.  I love my hair, and enjoy obsessing about it sometimes.   Panties are an easy first step since nobody can really notice them.   I personally found, coming from boxers, that the Lace panties i ordered from VS to be SOOOOOOOO  much more comfortable, i dont think i could imagine myself wearing anything else.  They actually feel so much more comfortable and less constricting oddly enough.  No more pulling or twisting or having to find a good height or bunching up at night.  Now i just slip em on and they stay in place and are super comfortable.  The kind of thing i sometimes barely notice im wearing.
           Girls nighttime pjs are great too.  And another easy way to start off along with socks.   Alot of girls PJs are pretty similar to mens, but some are exceptionally comfy depending on material.  I'm also pretty sure that those 3 things are things i bet quite a few non-trans/straight men wear too, simply based on comfort.

Also, anyone whose into EMO and has the scene nearby.  Girls jeans/haircuts/ other clothes/ makeup/ crying/ being emotional is all pretty norm in the scene and alot of those guys are straight even.  An easy way to break into some clothes if you're into the music.(and possibly young enough).

I have 4 outfits now, and am pretty much FT(although still building my wardrobe for a full femme look).  In retrospect, gradually worked to a certain point, after that i was like fk it, and stopped holding back. 
I'd definitely recommend anyone who wants to wait on clothes should take the time to get their hair longer, remove body hair(even get on HRT) while you build a wardrobe and practice makeup.  Once you get yourself fully out, it can be easy to just flip the switch then, if you can get passed the fear of being in public.

The slow transition was my plan... I started with wearing panties and a bra and womens tee shirt under male clothes. That lasted about a week, when it dawned on me that a lot of winter clothing is pretty gender ambiguous. So I made a trip to the local salvation army, and now I have more womens clothing than mens. And with the exception of when I'm at work I pretty much wear womens clothing everywhere. Granted, like I said, it's winter, and a lot of winter clothing is androgynous.

I'm living in a fairly conservative midwestern town, so I expected to get strange looks. Still hasn't happened yet after a month. In fact, as far as I know, only one person has even noticed. I was hanging out with a friend one night (who I'm not out to), and when her husband wasnt around she said "You're looking very metrosexual chic today. You probably don't want to hear this, but with a little makeup and some hair styling you'd make a hot woman." I damn near told her "No no, please, tell me more!" And right then I decided she's going to be the first person I know that I come out to (I'm waiting until I actually start HRT before I do that.)

But now I dress slightly more and more fem around her every time I see her, and she complements me everytime, which has only helped boost my confidence.

Still... I'm amazed I haven't gotten any weird looks around town from all the bible thumping corn farming redneck folk that abound. Especially considering how many weird looks I got all the time growing up in the San Francisco area while presenting as my biological gender.

Quote from: missadventure on December 28, 2013, 09:51:35 PM
The slow transition was my plan... I started with wearing panties and a bra and womens tee shirt under male clothes.

Oh - that is not what I would have considered as slowly transitioning. When I talked about this before I was more thinking about outward appearance, things that people actually notice, not stuff that you do just for yourself. Anways - you already moved into that right away:

QuoteAnd with the exception of when I'm at work I pretty much wear womens clothing everywhere. Granted, like I said, it's winter, and a lot of winter clothing is androgynous.

Yes exactly. And in fact, this is possible not only in winter, as some looks - like Jeans and T-Shirts and sneakers are pretty unisex too. There is lot of unisex stuff that can be worn and if one wants one can get a slightly more female version of it. Usually it basically means the cut is a bit different (More waist, hips, different leg cuts) or the buttons are on the other side. That way one can basically walk around in clothing that says nothing about the gender. And then you can start HRT and maybe get a different haircut and do laser and you will see how the perception of new people who do not know you changes and the perception of people who knew you before does not.

Quote"You're looking very metrosexual chic today. You probably don't want to hear this, but with a little makeup and some hair styling you'd make a hot woman." I damn near told her "No no, please, tell me more!" And right then I decided she's going to be the first person I know that I come out to (I'm waiting until I actually start HRT before I do that.)

But now I dress slightly more and more fem around her every time I see her, and she complements me everytime, which has only helped boost my confidence.

Hey, yes, thats so cool. I loved having such people around. Same with doing a female fairy costume for a costume ball once. Got lots of compliments about how well that suited me and such. Just gloating :)
But beware - even if she and some others will "see it", surprisingly for many others it still will be a huge shock once you come out and they never expected it despite your choice of clothes. They do not perceive you, they just assume they perceive you, but in fact are just calling up memories when they recognize you, without checking the reality. This is probably why people we know will still see us in the old way even months and years after transitioning, even after FFS if that was done. And probably this is also part of the reason of our self-consciousness. The situation we look in the mirror years after transitioning and on a bad day we think we look like a guy from the past. I think it may hook into the same issue...

Quote from: anjaq on December 29, 2013, 08:02:01 AM
But beware - even if she and some others will "see it", surprisingly for many others it still will be a huge shock once you come out and they never expected it despite your choice of clothes. They do not perceive you, they just assume they perceive you, but in fact are just calling up memories when they recognize you, without checking the reality. This is probably why people we know will still see us in the old way even months and years after transitioning, even after FFS if that was done. And probably this is also part of the reason of our self-consciousness. The situation we look in the mirror years after transitioning and on a bad day we think we look like a guy from the past. I think it may hook into the same issue...

Oh, I'm sure that'll be true. My situation is probably unique in that I really just moved here and have pretty much cut ties with everyone I knew before september. We keep in touch online still. But, they're totally in the dark about me. And when it comes time for me to "tell the world" (meaning them) about my transition, many of them wont understand, and most will probably vanish. But the reality is they're pretty much already gone.

My biggest fear is losing my best friend. I'm currently living in his house, but he's studying overseas until July. We've been friends for decades, and have shared so much with each other, yet I've never been able to tell him about my feelings and desire to transition. Now, when he comes home, he'll be coming home to a person he wont recognize. I know he's fine with transgender as a concept. But, it's one thing to say "She used to be a man, whatever, she's still a cool person and that's what matters", which is what his attitude would be about a stranger, it's entirely different to say "I've known this person for 22 years and he was practically my brother, but now it turns out he's a she and I didn't really know her at all." So. I'm afraid of all that.

But, in terms of the people I've met since moving here. None of them really have firmly cemented perceptions of me yet, so as I transition whatever perceptions they're making of me will be that of me in transition. Will they accept the final result? who knows. But I've lived in the shadow of not transition due to fear of not being accepted for far too long, and I'm going to take advantage of the fact that for the first time in my life I don't have that fear standing over my shoulder anymore.

I dunno. Complex topic. Complex feelings. Etc. My plan on how to deal with all of this is very fluid and totally being played by ear at this point.

missadventure,
  You might be suprised on how many people from your past accept you. I would say that one third of my friends have contacted me and supported me after i came out. My best friend has been really supportive since I told him we have talked ever other day. One of my male cousins who is pretty macho, he hunts, plays lacrosse and a vet, called to say he is going to be in Fort Lauderdale for a lacrosse tournament this weekend and wanted me to come down to see him if possible. I told him I would and that I would come as kevin since I know I not on hrt and still don't have my voice down or anything.( I know why come out when still starting early, I know that I have been destined to become Kelly my whole life and wanted everyone to know it) Sorry I got off topic, but main point is I think you will be really suprised.
hugs
Kelly

Quote from: kellypatrick on January 13, 2014, 11:15:58 PM
missadventure,
  You might be suprised on how many people from your past accept you. I would say that one third of my friends have contacted me and supported me after i came out. My best friend has been really supportive since I told him we have talked ever other day. One of my male cousins who is pretty macho, he hunts, plays lacrosse and a vet, called to say he is going to be in Fort Lauderdale for a lacrosse tournament this weekend and wanted me to come down to see him if possible. I told him I would and that I would come as kevin since I know I not on hrt and still don't have my voice down or anything.( I know why come out when still starting early, I know that I have been destined to become Kelly my whole life and wanted everyone to know it) Sorry I got off topic, but main point is I think you will be really suprised.
hugs
Kelly

I am discovering the surprise of finding out who in my life is supportive. I ended up coming out to the girl I was planning to sooner than expected. She wasn't surprised. The first thing she said was "Yaaay! I finally have a sister who isn't a total bitch! Come over and lets drink some wine and paint each others nails!" She outed me to her husband later that day, and he's still confused by it, but he's trying to be supportive. Her children unfortunately just don't get it and think I'm super weird, which I kind of expected. Bolstered by that I told other friends from my past. All of them have been blindsided by it, but looking back they start to realize they saw signs of it. And they've more or less been supportive, although some have also taken a "meh, whatever" attitude. One girl from my past who I figured would be totally supportive has been totally apathetic. Her husband, on the other hand, who I always felt the need to be extra "manly" around, thinks it's the coolest thing ever. When he talks to me about it, his excitement level is much the same as I would expect had I just told him I won a game show. I also told a friend of my mothers. Mind you, my mom passed away 11 years ago, and I don't really have much contact with her friends. And, they all remember me as a shy teenage boy. But, this woman sent me a "welcome to the sisterhood of women" card (hallmark makes such things, I'm somewhat shocked) and a $50 visa gift card with the instructions "every girl needs to be pampered now and again. use this for something fun and festive!"

In fact, so far only one person out of the 15 or so I've told has been "negative". My ex. She told me she's not surprised, and that at some level she's always known. And she congratulated me, and said she'll be supportive. But then turned around and blamed me being this way for the destruction of our relationship (which, honestly, isn't true). Then she told me that being in a relationship with someone struggling with their gender ID was incredibly damaging and unhealthy for her. Then she turned right back around and said I should absolutely follow this path to becoming who I feel I am and that she wishes me all the best. It quite frankly left me in tears.

Quote from: anjaq on November 30, 2013, 03:50:24 PM
i agree there - people do often see past the clothes and if they do that and think of you as a male hiding behind too obviously feminine clothes, its worse. What has to change is what is inside these clothes, then the clothes dont matter.

Funny thing is that I seem to pass more easily wearing more androgynous clothes like Womens Jeans and Shirts and less (focused on eyes and beard) makeup.

UPDATE

Well my issue with slowly changing got scrapped. I went to my therapist totally femmed out intending to spend a couple of hours dressed and guess what? When I got home I realized how relaxed I had been all day and had a really good time, that I skipped Part Time and am now Full Time! I just could not go back to being "him" anymore. I have never felt better in my life and the future looks bright. I am so happy! Maybe there is something to this jumping in philosophy?  ;D

Lol, yeah THAT happens at some point as well. The dread of going back to something is just too big so just scrap that and go full speed ahread ;) Good for you...

I been more or less ft for a while now.  Once you get the bare min stuff its quite easy.  I still Dont have enough shoes boots or sandals(can you ever?). I like to make things into outfits and set them up individually so I Dont have to mix and and match(takes too long)

I think the clothes process for me has taken about a year or so to not have 1 guy article, save for boxers because quite frankly, a squished PP 24/7 isn't always fun. Esp when it's hot.  Anyway, I'm not a dress person, but all I have are womens bottoms (80% skinny?), some leggings, tops that are womens, yet my ex coworkers still didn't figure me out wearing that stuff.  I don't do makeup yet. I should...but I think it accentuates the manliness in my face for some reason.  I pass without (apparently), so...

I'm 5 months into my transition, only out to my sister (9yrs younger), and two coworkers just this past week, one of which finished her transition last year.. She's the one that gave me the courage to let the other cisfemale in on my life.  I will be telling my supervisor soon (next week or so).  My friend spent several hours with me last week, telling me about her journey, work and all.  She was offered to take a leave, then come back after it's over, but declined saying being gone, then coming back totally transformed would be a bad thing, so she remained at work during her transition, changing a little each day (or thereabouts).  I will likely do the same, transition slowly while still going to work.

At home, I have been in girls jeans for months, and the family, well, my youngest daughter, just noticed that I was wearing her old jeans that were on the Goodwill pile.  I use Burts Bees shimmering lip balm but no other makeup, other than some small concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes.

As for other clothes, I have .. like.. 8 girls jeans from Goodwill/Salvation Army (thrift stores) and several camis also from there.  I am not out with the family yet.. but I think soon I will have to be, as my boobs are a B and cant hide them under t-shirts.  I also wear girls Avia sneakers, (light blue piping).  Have been for several months, so that's my slow transitioning.