Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was just talking with a friend and he brought up some good points to me. He told me that I should consider that the community that I live in has a lot of cowboys and rednecks and if they don't care too much about me, they sling me over their shoulder like a cow and they'll drag me through the dirt.  :( Then he brought to my attention the problems I've had at various places, like being kicked out of the Flea Market twice, being kicked out of a local hang out once and being written up in the Police beat section of the local newspaper after having a make over done at a department store.

I'm seriously thinking of going to a city that is a little more TG friendlier, just to get away from these problems.  Or maybe I should do as my therapist had suggested about going out at night as Gina and remaining as my male self during the rest of the time instead of going full time.  :(

No! Don't give up! Keep going, you'll make it. Even if it means moving. Never sacrifice your dream because of the pressure from others. It just makes you unhappy, which is just terrible.
Stay positive, girlie, you'll get through :)

Wow that is what I call unwelcomed :)

Police action for a make over in a public establishment?

There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, do YOU really want to hang out with THOSE people...... really?

I never stay where I am not welcome eh, I deserve better.

Sometimes it is discrimination, and sometimes it is quality control. You deserve better. Eventually leaving useless people to themselves is not such a bad idea eh.

Don't think of it as 'defeat' think of it as you have no use for losers.

Baby girl, I know what you mean all to well. Word has pretty much gotten around about my transition (I let it get out) and I find myself getting pulled over a lot for nothing by a law enforcement agency I did work at as a reserve deputy sheriff. Just plain simple harassment that I can't fight because they use just enough probable cause to make it legal and a stretch to complain about. That's OK though, they cannot do to much because I know their tactics and all legal precedents and that kind of makes them mad that they can't do more to me. I have had some of the local businesses ask me to leave, but they have the right to refuse service to anyone and it is plainly noted at the entry points. NEVER, ever give in and repress your true self or the Dysphoria will build right back up and you will be miserable. Love you baby sister!

Quote from: Willow on October 12, 2013, 10:38:47 AM
No! Don't give up! Keep going, you'll make it. Even if it means moving. Never sacrifice your dream because of the pressure from others. It just makes you unhappy, which is just terrible.
Stay positive, girlie, you'll get through :)

Thanks Willow for your strong words of encouragement. :) Ever since I spoke with my friend, I've been in a bit of a down mood.  :(

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on October 12, 2013, 10:43:23 AM
Wow that is what I call unwelcomed :)

Police action for a make over in a public establishment?

There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, do YOU really want to hang out with THOSE people...... really?

I never stay where I am not welcome eh, I deserve better.

Sometimes it is discrimination, and sometimes it is quality control. You deserve better. Eventually leaving useless people to themselves is not such a bad idea eh.

Don't think of it as 'defeat' think of it as you have no use for losers.

Thanks Lesley, Your kind words are turning this frown upside down! :)  
But yeah. A few years ago, I had the makeover done on a Saturday  and I found the Police Beat report in the newspaper on Tuesday and it was just that I had come in one way and because I looked confused when leaving, the manager thought I was looking for trouble and he decided that I was looking for trouble, but all I was looking for was which entrance I had originally come in.

Jessica, my special love and BFF,

I really don't care who sees me, but it's just that I don't want to be defending myself all the time for a problem that is mine. Hopefully I shouldn't run into any harassment problems, but I know how to take care of them.  :)  That's a very good point Sweetheart about local businesses having the right to refuse service to us. But shouldn't I have the right to push if they don't have a sign stating that they don't serve transgenders then there should be no problem. I wanna be happy not miserable.  :)
 

I'm a firm believer that your safety should always come first, the world is not a nice place and people are still being murdered because of the religion/skin color/sexuality/the colors they wear. Do you have the right to push? Absolutely, but you have to remember that there are some closed minded and violent people out there. So if you want to continue your transition, I'd strongly suggest moving to an area that does sound as conservative as your current one. Best of luck.

Gina-

Like others have said you deserve to be happy and you have done nothing to deserve the harassment that you are getting. I don't know where you live but I'd say that the fact that there are actually transgender people in the world hasn't made it there yet.

Is there any way that you can move? I fear for your safety being where you are now. Life is short and there is no reason to deal with this kind of ignorance/foolishness. It will take a very long time before the beliefs where you are now will change.

Before I understood all of the facts about myself being transgender I lived in a state that is decidedly non-trans friendly. I then moved to California to take a new job. Moving was bittersweet since I left a lot of things behind, but thank heavens CA is trans friendly; i feel safe here. It was a blessing in disguise.

Moving is never easy, but know this...

No one that is NOT TG like we are, has had to experience a move quite the same way.

No one that has ever lost a job likely has had to suffer needing to move as well.

No one that has ever had issues with family has likely also needed to move and also likely lost work all at the same time.

I don't think the average no TG individual really knows quite the magnitude of loss some of us have had to experience and all at the same time.

But, sometimes the pain of a move is like having a bad tooth pulled. Yeah it hurts, but it gets rid of the pain and then you recover.

Never force yourself to live some where out of a desire to 'fight the good fight'. The world will always have bad places, but it also has good places. It's not always sensible to deny yourself some pleasure of a good surrounding. We TG suffer enough already, never fight all the fights at the same time if you can avoid some of it eh.

Leave fighting the dummies in the bad locations for those of us that at least have family friends and work on our side.

I live in Maryland. My county has an anti-discrimination law. Being denied housing or public accommodation on account of gender discrimination would cause a lawsuit. No one gives me a hard time anywhere I go.

I recommend moving, unless you're a real tough broad who wants to fight for better treatment. That's definitely not for everyone.

BTW, writing you up in the newspaper for expressing your gender is BARBARIC, I don't care how many cowboys are around. These people aren't just rednecks (who are often very polite and understanding), they are EVIL.

If you move i would suggest the State of Colorado. They have a state wide protection in place along with they made there insurance companies that are part of the state AHA cover all transgender care.

(Kaiser Permanente joins only the Colorado HealthOP cooperative insurance plan as the only insurers covering transgender health care, according to One Colorado, an advocacy group for the states lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender residents.)

I made the move to another state when i went full time. As some would say stealth, for me i called it just a normal new start.

Izzy

Quote from: ginataylor on October 12, 2013, 11:04:30 AMThanks Willow for your strong words of encouragement. :) Ever since I spoke with my friend, I've been in a bit of a down mood.  :(

Thanks :)
It's OK to be sad sometimes, but you have to rebound and take action if anything is going to get better.

Quote from: ttim0324 on October 12, 2013, 11:40:44 AM
I'm a firm believer that your safety should always come first, the world is not a nice place and people are still being murdered because of the religion/skin color/sexuality/the colors they wear. Do you have the right to push? Absolutely, but you have to remember that there are some closed minded and violent people out there. So if you want to continue your transition, I'd strongly suggest moving to an area that does sound as conservative as your current one. Best of luck.

Thanks for your concern and strong words. I will push for my rights if I run into any problems. But I don't see why I should be forced to move out of a city that I've lived in for the last 20 years just because I am changing. I'll just have to be extra careful when I go out and go to certain places.  :)

Quote from: Eva Marie on October 12, 2013, 11:41:38 AM
Gina-

Like others have said you deserve to be happy and you have done nothing to deserve the harassment that you are getting. I don't know where you live but I'd say that the fact that there are actually transgender people in the world hasn't made it there yet.

Is there any way that you can move? I fear for your safety being where you are now. Life is short and there is no reason to deal with this kind of ignorance/foolishness. It will take a very long time before the beliefs where you are now will change.

Before I understood all of the facts about myself being transgender I lived in a state that is decidedly non-trans friendly. I then moved to California to take a new job. Moving was bittersweet since I left a lot of things behind, but thank heavens CA is trans friendly; i feel safe here. It was a blessing in disguise.

I live in Port Charlotte, Florida, which is a small retirement area south of Tampa, Florida. There are a few transgenders here, but they're still in the woodwork, hypothetically speaking. I do agree with you that I do deserve to be happy without the harrassment, so I'm just gonna have to watch it out theer when I'm out there until peopel get comfortable with seeing me. :)

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 12, 2013, 01:40:42 PM
I live in Maryland. My county has an anti-discrimination law. Being denied housing or public accommodation on account of gender discrimination would cause a lawsuit. No one gives me a hard time anywhere I go.

I recommend moving, unless you're a real tough broad who wants to fight for better treatment. That's definitely not for everyone.

BTW, writing you up in the newspaper for expressing your gender is BARBARIC, I don't care how many cowboys are around. These people aren't just rednecks (who are often very polite and understanding), they are EVIL.

I'll have to either check with City Hall or our local Police on gender discrimination. Thanks for bringing that up.  :) Not sure if themanager of the department store was a redneck or a simple *sshole just trying to make a point. I had no problem with the cosmetologist. We got a long well.

Quote from: Willow on October 12, 2013, 05:12:55 PM
Thanks :)
It's OK to be sad sometimes, but you have to rebound and take action if anything is going to get better.

Very good point Willow.
I'm gonna put you on my buddy list, I think we'd make really good friends!  :)

   Hi Gina,
  My wife and I live on the west side of lake Okeechobee Its pretty much country here and a real mix of people but also not many of us.
  When I came out to my neighbor a 61 year old female who grew up here and is a beautiful friend of mine.
She had the response about all the rednecks ,cowboys and everything else including my friends I have known for 30+ years and then went into detail ,at least her version of what would happen. That threw me into a deep depression that took over a month to finally calm down,I in my heart know she meant well but does not understand the emotional edge of a razor blade we live on and we bleed tears very easily or at least I do.
I guess to sum it up, things so far have not gone to badly.Some people I have known for years don't even recognize me--thats good, others say, you really look different some even give the deer in the head lights look.Time will only tell whats happens.The big thing is I AM NOT QUITTING PERIOD, THIS IS MY LIFE I HAVE HID IT FOR 63 YEARS AND AM GOING FORWARD AND I THINK YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME.   Hugs  Pat

Quote from: buddy on October 13, 2013, 08:06:58 AM
   Hi Gina,
  My wife and I live on the west side of lake Okeechobee Its pretty much country here and a real mix of people but also not many of us.
  When I came out to my neighbor a 61 year old female who grew up here and is a beautiful friend of mine.
She had the response about all the rednecks ,cowboys and everything else including my friends I have known for 30+ years and then went into detail ,at least her version of what would happen. That threw me into a deep depression that took over a month to finally calm down,I in my heart know she meant well but does not understand the emotional edge of a razor blade we live on and we bleed tears very easily or at least I do.
I guess to sum it up, things so far have not gone to badly.Some people I have known for years don't even recognize me--thats good, others say, you really look different some even give the deer in the head lights look.Time will only tell whats happens.The big thing is I AM NOT QUITTING PERIOD, THIS IS MY LIFE I HAVE HID IT FOR 63 YEARS AND AM GOING FORWARD AND I THINK YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME.   Hugs  Pat

Thanks Pat for those strong words! Okeechobee is just on the other side of the river from where I'm at, so it's really nice to know that I have a sister that's so close. My depression lasted for a day, but thanks to all these great responses, it really perked me up and put things back in perspective for me and I'm continuing with what I've planned. Thank you family! Really sorry to hear that it took you a month to get over yours. Some words do cut deep.

Y'know Pat, I can totally agree with you that your friend may have meant well, but what does she really know about the termoils that we really go through. One question my friend asked me was how do I know that I right and all these people that know me (and are trying to protect me) are all wrong.

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 12, 2013, 01:40:42 PM
unless you're a real tough broad who wants to fight for better treatment.

That's my baby sister Gina alright!  ;D

I don't want to get into any fights with anybody. :icon_2gun: I'm not that type of woman. I'm a lover :icon_kiss: not a fighter!

Really think anyone here will buy that? *giggles* :laugh: Love ya baby!

Quote from: ginataylor on October 12, 2013, 07:12:10 PM
Thanks for your concern and strong words. I will push for my rights if I run into any problems. But I don't see why I should be forced to move out of a city that I've lived in for the last 20 years just because I am changing. I'll just have to be extra careful when I go out and go to certain places.  :)

You shouldnt be forced to move out of the city, it's disgusting that people would make you even entertain the idea. But at the same time you have to sit there and wonder if you want to fight with so many closed minded people. Is it really worth the stress? Negativity breeds more negativity, I'm not telling you to run away, but I doubt anyone would look down at you  if you wanted to get up and start a new life somewhere else where you could be happy without so many toxic people :/

Quote from: ginataylor on October 12, 2013, 10:21:40 AM
I was just talking with a friend and he brought up some good points to me. He told me that I should consider that the community that I live in has a lot of cowboys and rednecks and if they don't care too much about me, they sling me over their shoulder like a cow and they'll drag me through the dirt.  :( Then he brought to my attention the problems I've had at various places, like being kicked out of the Flea Market twice, being kicked out of a local hang out once and being written up in the Police beat section of the local newspaper after having a make over done at a department store.

I'm seriously thinking of going to a city that is a little more TG friendlier, just to get away from these problems.  Or maybe I should do as my therapist had suggested about going out at night as Gina and remaining as my male self during the rest of the time instead of going full time.  :(

It sounds like you live in the same neck of the woods as I do. Down in the deep bible belt south. I haven't presented as female out in public yet but yesterday when I was leaving work I got a remark. I've been leaving work with my hair down for a while now and every now and then I'll get double takes. As I was walking out into the parking lot a man and a woman were walking in with some food from Sonic. The woman said "hhheeelllllooo" real quietly to the guy while looking right at me and the guy laughed, the way she said it was clearly to make fun of me. I could have gotten mad but here's what I did instead. I instantly said, "my hearing is beyond great still, why hello to you too" with a smile on my face and a nice friendly wave. They were the ones who turned around and got upset as I walked off with a smile on my face. Eff them, they don't want to show another human respect then I won't allow them to have any satisfaction of seeing me get hurt from mere words. No matter how bad it hurts to get made fun of I'm not going to allow them to see it because I know that's what they want. It's kind of funny to say but I think I'm beginning to grow a backbone all of the sudden.

Good for you Megan!!

Keep on rocking!!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 13, 2013, 09:05:09 AM
Really think anyone here will buy that? *giggles* :laugh: Love ya baby!

People can believe what they want to believe.

Quote from: ttim0324 on October 13, 2013, 10:35:59 AM
You shouldnt be forced to move out of the city, it's disgusting that people would make you even entertain the idea. But at the same time you have to sit there and wonder if you want to fight with so many closed minded people. Is it really worth the stress? Negativity breeds more negativity, I'm not telling you to run away, but I doubt anyone would look down at you  if you wanted to get up and start a new life somewhere else where you could be happy without so many toxic people :/

I agree with you 100%. That's why I'm gonna stand tall and fight for my rights! I'm not gonna be terrorized by cowboys or rednecks!

Quote from: Megan on October 13, 2013, 12:21:40 PM
It sounds like you live in the same neck of the woods as I do. Down in the deep bible belt south. I haven't presented as female out in public yet but yesterday when I was leaving work I got a remark. I've been leaving work with my hair down for a while now and every now and then I'll get double takes. As I was walking out into the parking lot a man and a woman were walking in with some food from Sonic. The woman said "hhheeelllllooo" real quietly to the guy while looking right at me and the guy laughed, the way she said it was clearly to make fun of me. I could have gotten mad but here's what I did instead. I instantly said, "my hearing is beyond great still, why hello to you too" with a smile on my face and a nice friendly wave. They were the ones who turned around and got upset as I walked off with a smile on my face. Eff them, they don't want to show another human respect then I won't allow them to have any satisfaction of seeing me get hurt from mere words. No matter how bad it hurts to get made fun of I'm not going to allow them to see it because I know that's what they want. It's kind of funny to say but I think I'm beginning to grow a backbone all of the sudden.

That's an excellent attitude to take. And that's one that I'm gonna develop as well when ever I come across some people like what you've discribed. Let the yoke fall on their face and see how it feels!  :icon_evil_laugh:

Today I went to the Police department and I inquired about anti-discrimination laws. The officer told me that he's never heard of such a thing, so I explained to him briefly about myself and told him about some of the problems. When I told him about getting written up in the Police Beat, he smiled and told me that I'm a celebrity. Then he clearly informed me of FREEDOM OF SPEECH. Anybody can say anything to me or about me, and it's how I respond to it. I also told him about the cowboys and Redneck situation, and he told me that they're just like everybody else, as long as I don't get involved with them or if they don't recognize me, then they'll be no problems.  :)

It really made me feel better and hearing all of the wonderful comments from my family here made me feel stronger as well. Really looking forward to 2014! :icon_geekdance: