Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My story's nothing that hasn't been told hundreds of times over--I've been fighting against my birth gender since I was old enough to articulate my feelings--but I'll give everyone a brief background story, nonetheless.
My entire family (aunts and uncles included) was ecstatic for there to finally be a girl in the mix. All of my mother's siblings had multiple boys, so when I finally came along, I was the guinea pig for every female-oriented event. I was thrust into the "flower girl" roles and primped up at every opportunity that I was bribed to not fight back.

By the time I was six, I was dressing like a boy and completely phobic of being near or around anything 'girly'. I spent the vast majority of my early childhood playing football, doing stupid-as-->-bleeped-<- stunts on my bike and causing my mother constant peril by hanging outside with my button-up shirt completely open because I was playing a construction worker. ... Yep.
All of this caused my parents some confusion (understandably) and, at times, they'd yell at me in frustration that I was 'a little girl' and that I needed to start acting like one. Their words did nothing--even though I was not in the market of disappointing my parents by any means, I found myself literally unable to comply to their demands--but confuse the ->-bleeped-<- out of me. I started to feel like I didn't exist at all and I can clearly remember sitting in the tub and staring at myself in disbelief.
By late elementary, all my guy friends abandoned me for no other reason than that I was a girl. My small handful of girl friends started to see me as a pariah, as well, and I was left sitting alone pretty much everywhere I went.
Middle school was nothing short of traumatic (seriously, this has to be the ->-bleeped-<-tiest period of school for -everyone-, amirite?) with teetering between hitting puberty and being called a 'dyke' because I dressed like a boy.
By high school, I was dressing more neutrally (hoodies and jeans) to fly under the radar and by my senior year I had finally come to terms with being attracted to other girls and came out as a lesbian. To my legitimate surprise, no one batted an eye.
Six months after graduation with two whole weeks of driving experience under my belt, I got in my car with a week's worth of clothes and drove 1300 miles away from my home.
I lived as a lesbian for a couple years in my more liberal new home and, for a while, some of the dysphoria disappeared. I still knew I was different on the inside, though, and my issues with myself have only grown in voracity the older I've gotten.
I somewhat recently came out as trans to all my friends and close family. And, again... no one batted an eye. I was pretty much immediately accepted and faced absolutely zero resistance. Some of my guy friends have even said they would help pay for my transition and have expressed that they'll be excited for me to feel like 'one of the bros'.

As a lesbian, I felt lucky to not be a gay man because I saw many of my gay male friends get beat up, called names and just generally excluded growing up while no one seemed to give a damn what I did.
I thought coming out as transgendered would the the last straw for everyone around me and that I'd end up getting discarded as quickly as I had been as a child, but... nope. Still nothing.
And honestly? I still didn't feel lucky.
That is, of course, not until many months ago when my girlfriend and all my friends were out at a (straight) bar. There was a MTF sitting a few tables down from us in a long red dress with full makeup and impeccable implants. She didn't have on a wig, though, and the male pattern baldness was quite apparent as were some of the more masculine features.
And suddenly, everyone who'd been so accepting of me started laughing their asses off and talking ->-bleeped-<-. I (regretfully) stayed quiet out of what I can now admit was fear.
I was completely and utterly dumbfounded. That event really stuck with me and it haunts me regularly.


I don't want anyone to think I'm discrediting any of our experiences because, trust me, I have a firsthand account of how violently we've all internally struggled and I know this isn't a 'one size fits  all' fight. All of us are battle-scarred and weary.
But, you know what, damn it? I give kudos to you MTFs for (ironically) having the balls to be what you know and feel is right even in the face of heavily outweighed adversity.
There's a certain calm in the thick patriarchal veil society has provided for those of us wishing to be masculine but such graces don't really exist for the opposite path.


Anyway, I hope to see more of everyone here and get to know all of you.

Welcome, Wolf.  ;D

Just a thought here, but... Since you've been a man in the wrong body all along, you're just another straight guy. Nothing to see here, folks. ;)

Seriously, I'm so happy for you that your friends and family are in full support. That's so great. Welcome to your home away from home. I think we have cookies around here somewhere...

-maggie

Hi Wolf, welcome to Susan's! :)

Please be sure to review

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
  

Amy

Welcome to Susan's Blinded Wolf!

Taking that big step to come out to everyone was a huge step. Even if you were accepted, it must have taken a great deal of courage to do something like that. You should be VERY much proud of yourself. I'm hoping, that sometimes soon in the future I can take that huge step.

Again, welcome to Susan´s. You will find that everyone here is absolutely wonderful.

And Maggie here is right, you're just another straight guy. ;)

-Dalex

I'm not sure you all understand how much hearing the simple phrase "You're just another straight guy" makes me happy.
I often felt odd even in the gay community because my feelings just didn't mesh with anyone's. Truthfully, I -do- see gender lines and I'm very much aware of the side upon which I stand.
I've never thought there was anything particularly special or outwardly shocking about myself, and it feels amazing to hear other people say it.

That is the one thing most of us have in common, sir. (See what I did there?) I understand completely how great it is to be recognized and free to be you. Just amazing stuff. I introduced myself Monday night and I have been floating on a cloud of Happy every since.

Welcome to the family, you're my brother now. (This means you have to beat up anyone that's mean to me, FYI.)

-maggie

Hi Wolf, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 8142 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet  )O(

Welcome Wolf! You have not just joined a forum, but a close family and I am so glad to have another brother here. As a MtF thanks for the compliment you gave us. I hope to get to know you better in the post's. There is one thing you should be aware of though, this place is so addictive I hardly spend any time anywhere else. Dig in, have fun, learn and share or vent anytime. BIG HUG!!  :)

Hi Blinded Wolf, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. As others have said, we're family here. We have no age restrictions, so some of our members can be young. Please try to watch your language, it's written into the rules. I'll be back to see you after I'm done with this young lady. Hugs, Devlyn

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2FModstuff%2Fsoap_zps3eefa760.jpg&hash=9312fffcd045d43551c25ad1a691c31f3d95a343)

Hi and welcome to Susan's! 

I'm sure you'll find excellent information and excellent friends to talk to here.

You haven't just joined a site, but you have joined a family.