Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Okay well here's the status of everything.

Long story short Dad still is unconvinced and believes this is an obsession and that everything doesn't fit right, everything's inconsistent, saying how I was always into trains when I was young (I did love Tomas the tank of course but loved Barbie and the like also) saying you did all this buffing up at the gym, trying to get a six pack (Try to fit as a male hoping these feelings would subside, though always thought what am I doing!) He says if he was 100 percent convinced he would be behind me 100 percent. Basically they are under the assumption if I didn't show any obvious signs when I was a child then I can't be transgender. (I was sort of a mix I loved barbies, dolls but also trains and power rangers (fav was the yellow ranger always wanted to be her they got me a red ranger costume which I was like ok what ever I guess). They said I never tried to pee sitting down and the like so it doesn't make sense.  When I said I always preferred to be dressed up as a fairy, doll girly attire when wearing costumes and the like they said it didn't matter, all kids probably did.

Him, mum and sissy say well why didn't u come out sooner, why now? They say I'm still unhappy which is bull honestly I'm the happiest I've ever been, though when around them I can get depressed as they treat me still much like a male so I can see why they would think, plus mood swings can be unpredictable but they have no idea how happy I am now that I've been on hrt and finally coming out. trust me if they treated me as the female I am I would be the happiest girl in the world!

They say mainly I'm going at a bull at a gate, coming out to more people, leaving house in female attire. and they said I should still keep it in house (5 months hrt btw now) and when out wear normal male attire no make up etc. They say why are you telling everyone etc (I've now come out to a bunch of my family and friends). They are under the impression it takes like 10 years before srs (Steven carol the therapist said). I told them the SOC and the WPATH general guidelines to transitioning, saying the normal srs requirements and the like, but they simply jump to but is it Australian or not (If not I shouldn't be following it, geez it's worldwide for god sake! There train of thought is I mustn't go to Thailand or any other third rate country, I must do it in Australia. I tell them in all honestly my pace is pretty normal for a mtf, I.e hormones 3 months after therapy, starting to come out more in society (3-5 months hormones).
I tell them how it is and they go "yeah google, all it is is google crap, the world works differently!"

They said dad is going down to see a guy in Melbourne first who specializes in transgender then we are all going down to see him to see If I'm 100 percent mentally stable. Thing is he's still convinced I'm not completely mentally stable, which I know I am now. Last year I wasn't for obvious reasons but since transitioning my mental health has only been getting better and better.

They also say why do you not tie all you hair in a pony tail when out doors? Why leave the fringe. I tell them because the male hairline is different to the female hairline and that I prefer having my bangs down so as not to show it. They say that's stupid no one would pick out that or anything, heck they didn't even know male and females had different hairlines.

They pretty much want me to tone it down and bring it more in house. My sister is saying my attitude is ->-bleeped-<- like, that the way I'm acting around them is cruel and unfair. Like the situation with the birth name yesterday, they said me not answering and really anytime I don't is me being an ->-bleeped-<- and not caring about how they feel.

Dad also says I still see u as my son because your the last "male" of the hodges name and If you were a girl then the name would die.

P.S they also believe than me "wanting" to be female is mainly to do with my asbergeous condition, they believe it's because of my asbergeous compulsions, nothing more.

Quote from: Paige0000 on October 25, 2013, 05:59:07 AM
saying you did all this buffing up at the gym, trying to get a six pack (Try to fit as a male hoping these feelings would subside, though always thought what am I doing!)

It's always this one, always. Glad I stopped. Still trying to get a flat stomach, though. I've promised myself the navel Piercing is I pull it for christmas.

Quote from: Paige0000 on October 25, 2013, 05:59:07 AM
Okay well here's the status of everything.

I don't want this to sound wrong, but it sounds like they need therapy more than you do at this point! 5 months HRT and they think you shouldn't go out fem?! You look like a girl to me!!

Still... it's hard for people to understand. If they can't picture ever needing to be the opposite gender, they assume the same for you. Maybe you can ask them to look inward, understand that they'd absolutely hate trying to be the other gender... and say you absolutely hate trying to be a man when you're not. I don't know if it would help... sometimes I think I'm helping my family when I'm hurting... and sometimes I hurt them just by talking to them like I am - female.

... still... 5 months HRT and they don't think it's real? You must feel entirely better about yourself and I'm surprised they can't see that!

Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 25, 2013, 06:05:08 AM
It's always this one, always. Glad I stopped. Still trying to get a flat stomach, though. I've promised myself the navel Piercing is I pull it for christmas.

Not me! I did the opposite and got fat.

*hug*  I'm sorry they are still failing to "get it".  There are some things in this story, though, that indicate they're working through the denial phase and into the bargaining phase.  Eventually they'll just be bummed out about it, and finally accept they have a daughter now.

That's the classical progression, anyway.

I love that you are expressing yourself and doing all that you are in the face of their opposition; I was not that strong.  It took me reaching 39 to have the confidence in myself to face my trans condition.

Much hope and love to you!  You're getting there; it just doesn't seem like it yet. :\

I'm always amazed at the number of people who start transition at home. I mean I did too the first time, but I certainly didn't out myself to my family just started HRT and suffered in silence. Fortunately I had a regular job and moved out the minute I could (almost) afford to. I loved my family, don't get me wrong, but there was no way on earth I felt I'd be able to tell them. Even though I wasn't full time I was hell bent on being able to go out with girlfriends en femme... and go shopping and have friends around and do my nails and whatever without having to suffer what would undoubtedly have been extreme resistance, especially from my father and younger brother. I was lucky to have the finances to do that and realise many younger trans* people these days aren't in the same position. You're showing remarkable fortitude dealing with your family's resistance Paige, because I chickened out myself I can't offer anything here... but since you're well on your way through transition they're going to have to accept you eventually.

First off where is written down anywhere that you had to play with barbies and
Pink frilly things growing up or you aren't transgender?? Is there anything written down anywhere in all of human history that says that growing up as a transgender person is X (act a certain way, do all femme, etc)? No it isn't. Some of the happiest post op women led extremely macho lives. Heck there is one in the US that was a former navy seal, and that's about as tough as it gets. Would your dad ask her if she was buffed up at the gym as a kid??

Look the reality is that change scares people, any change not just sex change. The thing you need to remember is that your parents need to answer questions from friends, neighbors, coworkers, family like " who is that girl staying over your house? Where is your son lately? How is your family?" it's going to take them time to process and answer those questions. None of your family is ready yet to deal with having to answers those kinds of questions. HOWEVER, none of that has to do with you. No matter what you still have your own life to live and it's your life, not someone else's. If your dad said wait 5 years, he lacks the power to grant you 5 extra years of life if he is still wrong, right? If you want to grow out your hair, then grow it. What's the worst anyone can say,miss or ma'am?

What I found out through all of this is coming out is on multiple levels. There is who we tell, and then it's who the people we tell, tell. I am sure that they are worried about the questions about the naughty bits, and the omigod you let your kid get a sex change?!?That's where society tends to head. Everyone wants to know, did he or she have the operation? Are you going to let them have the operation? The list can go on and on.i can tell you in my case, I had more than a few people try and talk me out of SRS. They were all worried about what if I didn't like it, then I was stuck, or that I would turn into a raging slut or a hooker or something bad. None of that ever happened. Eventually the questions die down and the issue of what sex you are goes away. Is just right now, they are caught up in the winds of your own personal tornado, and I'm sure they are scared. They are your parents so try and be their ally first. Offer suggestions and help for difficult questions and issues,

Lastly where you have surgery is your own issue. Just like your gender is your life, your body is the sole property of you. On one else in this world gets to choose what you do to do it and where you choose to do it either. If you get surgery somewhere and it's botched and it's someone your parents recommended, how would you feel afterwards? Mad and resentful, or oh well better luck next time? You get one chance and only one chance to live a fulfilling and happy life. There are no do overs. You have to make the best of your situation and move on. Time wont heal all wounds, but it will heal a lot of them.

Quote from: Zumbagirl on October 25, 2013, 04:39:17 PM
right now, they are caught up in the winds of your own personal tornado, and I'm sure they are scared.

Everything Zumbargirl said, but ^^^^^ this ^^^^^ especially. They're kind of in denial right now and grasping at any "justification" they think will validate their preferred view of you. They've invested all their life into seeing you as one gender - the cis world is so utterly hung up on gender and gender stereotypes - and you're challenging that entrenched view big time.

BTW, I saw a UK show where a young trans woman still at home with her very resistant mother went shopping with her as a way to build a mother/daughter bond. Admittedly it was the mother's suggestion, an attempt to reconnect with her child. It kind of went better than expected. I wished I'd thought of it during my first phase, might still suggest it to my sister when I out myself this time. Maybe your mom or sis might be swayed by some retail therapy?  ;D

I wish I could tell you some simple easy way to get your family to accept you, but I'm kinda in the same boat as you right now. I came out to my family about a week ago, and while their initial reaction seemed to be confused yet accepting, it has quickly devolved into full blown denial. The only thing I can think of to do right now is to just keep being myself and hoping they come around eventually. It's tough though, because every time I bring up the subject of transitioning further, my Mom tries to talk me into stopping my meds cold turkey. At least in my case I'm well over the age of 18, and they aren't willing to violate my personal boundaries enough to force me to stop what I'm doing. But it's still hard to constantly hear that your own family is against you doing something that you are only doing because it makes your life better and makes you feel happy.

What I will say is though, I think the only thing you can do in this situation is to just keep the lines of communication open and try not to get too offended by their attitude, but at the same time take a very firm position that you know what you are doing and that it is what you need to do. Getting angry and confrontational would only reinforce their feelings that you are mentally unstable. If you can just keep a cool head and positive attitude, and avoid being confrontational while at the same time continuing to live your live the way you want to, I think sooner or later they'll have to accept it. That's my theory at least. I'll let you know how it goes. :D

Hey Paige. As hard as acceptance can be to find, I think you're in part lucky. Lucky in that your family have each other, and that will help them deal with this much better. They're not facing the various stages alone.

I say this because my family is fairly well estranged from one another. I've acceptance ( and love and support ) from my mother, which took ~4 months, and acceptance from one sister. The rest of my family think I'm insane and don't really talk to anyone about it, much less me. It must be hard for them to deal with it alone...

And I hope your family will come around soon to notice how much happier you are now. :)

Hugs

Hi, Paige

I understand how you must be feeling.

I told My Mum over the phone a few months ago, as we live in different countries.
After a long, emotional, heartfelt story, there was a pause, then she asked when I was going to sort myself out and get back to 'normal' lol!

She just didn't get it.

On a positive, You've told them. The seed has been sown. Adjustment time for parents starts here!! They need to do so at their own pace. they will see that it's not just a phase eventually, and will realise they have to take you seriously if they want to stay close with you. You are their 'baby' and they need you too.  They won't want to let you slowly drift away. They need time to develop a more accurate understanding in order to learn adjust.

After all - we have a head start on them there!

Paige, no words just, BIG HUG! You are so beautiful and smart so don't ever give up. PM me whenever you need to, I support you fully baby.

Jess: Thanks baby your such a sweetheart xx

Yeah after lasts nights ordeal with the bathroom and the like and their reaction (like I was going to the men's room as I was come on!) I'm just letting them go one with their opinions and everything, I'm tired of the drama from the honestly in regards to my transition, I'm just going to go along with them, let them believe what they want because I know in the end they are going to have to accept this isn't a phase, that this is real, that I am a woman. I mean only at 5 months hrt I already see a huge difference, I can just imagine me in 1 or 2 years time. Saving is my number one priority now so I'll just let them have their way whilst I work towards my goal. I wish I didn't have to cut these ties away from my heart but I have to do what's best for me.  :)

Thank you all for your love and support, you girls are the best! xx

Yes, this is the hard part.
To be accepted wholly by family and those who knew us as we were before can be one of the biggest challenges.
Newer friends will just accept and love us for who we are today!
It speaks for its self, otherwise they wouldn't be our friends, after all!

Paige,
    All the women here have your back sweetheart! You may recall the many conversations we've had here with some really drop-dead-gorgeous post-op beauties that still think they see a man looking back at them when they look in the mirror? It's all about years and years of visual familiarity that makes it hard to see anyone else even though the changes are horrendously obvious to everyone else. This is what families do to us, they are in adamant diametric opposition to the reality that this is happening to them and in reality it's all about them and not you at all. So your plan to just chill out and continue to save and not rock the boat too much is smart for now, because eventually when the entire world around them is saying, "Paige you are such a lovely woman" they will eventually have to acknowledge your reality. Meanwhile, if it should continue beyond that phase then your only option will be to cut them off until they cave in and accept reality. I cut off my mom and sis for ten years, no calls, no B-day or Christmas cards, nothing. And it worked, we are back as family and all is well with our souls again.

I'm really sorry, and I wish I had the answer for you.  The best I can say is that I hope it improves.  Families can be manipulative and sometimes can attempt to emotionally blackmail you into being something your not.  As long as you are true to yourself, that's what matters.  Hopefully they come along with you on the journey, but remember it isn't your fault if they don't.  You aren't the one rejecting them and there's nothing wrong with being trans.  I wish parents and siblings weren't always so selfish about our transitions.  It's one thing to be sensitive to their hardship and struggles,  but that doesn't justify them completely rejecting us for who we are.