Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am a bi guy, that loves wearing ladies clothes, especially high heel shoes. OMG I must have a shoe fetish. But I digress...

My feelings go as far as fantasizing/dreaming/thinking of getting breast implants and even as far as full surgery.

But my dilemma is that I don't feel like a woman 100%. I mean I dream about being with hot guys/transsexuals and being their girl, but as far as thinking and feeling that I am not a lady.

I so just want to be their little slut and have them take me. (You know what I mean?) But it so turns me on so much to think of being a lady and being with guys and women too, but I don't have an inner struggle with my lady coming out.

Any ideas/tips comments would be so greatly appreciated. I am seeing a councilor but I don't think she is fully 100% knowledgeable about this and I am certainly not.

Thank you so much for any help you can offer.

Ginger   

Quote from: Ginger Maxim on October 27, 2013, 04:21:55 PM
I am a bi guy, that loves wearing ladies clothes, especially high heel shoes. OMG I must have a shoe fetish. But I digress...

My feelings go as far as fantasizing/dreaming/thinking of getting breast implants and even as far as full surgery.

But my dilemma is that I don't feel like a woman 100%. I mean I dream about being with hot guys/transsexuals and being their girl, but as far as thinking and feeling that I am not a lady.

I so just want to be their little slut and have them take me. (You know what I mean?) But it so turns me on so much to think of being a lady and being with guys and women too, but I don't have an inner struggle with my lady coming out.

Any ideas/tips comments would be so greatly appreciated. I am seeing a councilor but I don't think she is fully 100% knowledgeable about this and I am certainly not.

Thank you so much for any help you can offer.

Ginger   

Since you don't feel female and don't identify that wa , please be wary about transitioning.  I don't like telling people what their path is, but I would be very very cautious about making any permanent changes to yourself when this seems to be more of a fetish thing than a gender identity issue.  If that's the case, transitioning or making any permanent changes could be very dangerous and not give you what you are seeking.  Having said that, there is nothing wrong with exploring your feelings through cross dressing and sexual experimentation.  That seems like an easy enough solution to me.  What do you think?  Is that enough for you or do you desire more?  If so, why or why not?

LTL is right baby. Slow down and think real hard about what you want. HRT/SRS is not a wardrobe you can take off at will, it is permanent and VERY expensive to go through. If you need to you might consider an anti-androgen through your primary care doctor to give you time to decide. First though I would see a therapist who deals with gender issue's and find out what they say after speaking with you. BIG HUG!!  :)

Don't know if you've tried this yet, but if you haven't already, shaving them is a far less permanent first step. I'm not on HRT but I happen to be fat enough, that is enough for me, there are cis-women with less. You could get fat too, it's fun and totally unhealthy. Not really recommending it.

My desires to be with a transsexual/transgenders is so strong. Yes it does make me want to transition, but your right I do not feel the inner woman that to be honest wish I had inside me.

I strongly feel inner sexual passion to meet and learn more about this. I do not have any resources on how /what to do.

I am not good at explaining myself and what I feel inside, but when I see a beautiful woman with beautiful body, I want to experience a relationship. I think having a serious relationship would be amazing.

Please don't read anything negative, I am not good at explaining my feelings with words?

Quote from: Ginger Maxim on October 27, 2013, 04:21:55 PM
But my dilemma is that I don't feel like a woman 100%.

I'm going to counsel against focusing on whether you feel female.

I never felt female. I've been living happily as a woman for months (thrilled, actually), and still don't really feel female. I've met many other trans women whose experiences were similar to mine.

We experience our transgender in different ways.

I lost a lot of years assuming I wasn't transgender because I didn't feel like a woman. I wouldn't want to see someone face the same misunderstanding.

I would suggest presenting female in social situations and see whether it feels natural.

Quote from: Ginger Maxim on October 27, 2013, 04:21:55 PM
I am a bi guy, that loves wearing ladies clothes, especially high heel shoes. OMG I must have a shoe fetish. But I digress...

My feelings go as far as fantasizing/dreaming/thinking of getting breast implants and even as far as full surgery.

But my dilemma is that I don't feel like a woman 100%. I mean I dream about being with hot guys/transsexuals and being their girl, but as far as thinking and feeling that I am not a lady.

I so just want to be their little slut and have them take me. (You know what I mean?) But it so turns me on so much to think of being a lady and being with guys and women too, but I don't have an inner struggle with my lady coming out.

Any ideas/tips comments would be so greatly appreciated. I am seeing a councilor but I don't think she is fully 100% knowledgeable about this and I am certainly not.

Thank you so much for any help you can offer.

Ginger

Sounds a bit like you may be non-binary, perhaps even bigendered.  Not everybody under the transgender umbrella is driven to a full transition.

My suggestion is to experiment with your presentation.  Keep talking to your therapist.  And hop on over the the Androgyne Talk board.

Would any one have any suggestions, tips and resources?

I live in Ontario Canada...

Ginger,

I think if you're not sure that you want to be a woman that should be a sign that you shouldn't start down the path. Be sure it's what you want before you begin, not just for sexual thrills but all the time: when you're stuck in traffic, sitting at work, buying milk, reading a book, chatting with friends, etc.

If your councilor is not able to help you address gender issues, find a new one. You have to do what's best for you. I'm your counselor will understand.

I'm glad you're at least seeking answers here. I really do hope you find a good solution.

-maggie

As you can see, I am very confused about my feelings. I don't really know what to think...

I agree with Jamie that you may be non-binary. There's a lot of information about it on nonbinary.org you should consider reading.

Quote from: Ginger Maxim on October 27, 2013, 07:45:52 PM
My desires to be with a transsexual/transgenders is so strong. Yes it does make me want to transition, but your right I do not feel the inner woman that to be honest wish I had inside me.

I strongly feel inner sexual passion to meet and learn more about this. I do not have any resources on how /what to do.

I am not good at explaining myself and what I feel inside, but when I see a beautiful woman with beautiful body, I want to experience a relationship. I think having a serious relationship would be amazing.

Please don't read anything negative, I am not good at explaining my feelings with words?

Nothing negative.  You are just being honest about how you feel.  How can anyone judge you, especially here of all places?

When you say you want to experience a relationship when you see a beautiful woman, what do you mean?  Do you want a relationship with that women or do you just hope that you could take on feminine role in a relationship?  Let me say either of those scenarios are fine and doesn't necessarily make you trans or non-binary.  It could, but I liking girls is okay and I know gay guys who like to experience the stereotypical feminine relationship and sexual role.  What's important is you move forward in a way that makes you happy.  You seem very preoccupied on sexual themes.  There is no shame on that, but that's why I ask you if you think this is more of a fetish thing.  I don't want to misinterpret you, but it seems you have attraction to transwomen and men and are wondering if that says something about your own identity?  Am I wrong in thinking that's what you are saying?  In any case, there is nothing wrong with that, but I would be cautious before pursuing any changes other than acting out your fantasies. 

Let me ask you this, let's say you couldn't ever date anyone or have sexual contact in the future.  Yeah, I know a bit of a bleak scenario, but stay with me.  In that case, how would you feel.  Would you still desire to present as a girl and live as one?  Do you have any inclinations to present as female or feminine outside of sexual or romantic situations?  Or is the cross dressing desires strictly related to sexual impulses? That may help you determine the extent of these feelings and whether this is a fetish or identity thing.  Remember, there are no right or wrong answers.  It's about being true to yourself and following through with what you want.  No one will judge. You are who you are and should be proud with whatever that may be. 

Quote from: learningtolive on October 27, 2013, 09:44:43 PM

Nothing negative.  You are just being honest about how you feel.  How can anyone judge you, especially here of all places?

When you say you want to experience a relationship when you see a beautiful woman, what do you mean?  Do you want a relationship with that women or do you just hope that you could take on feminine role in a relationship?  Let me say either of those scenarios are fine and doesn't necessarily make you trans or non-binary.  It could, but I liking girls is okay and I know gay guys who like to experience the stereotypical feminine relationship and sexual role.  What's important is you move forward in a way that makes you happy.  You seem very preoccupied on sexual themes.  There is no shame on that, but that's why I ask you if you think this is more of a fetish thing.  I don't want to misinterpret you, but it seems you have attraction to transwomen and men and are wondering if that says something about your own identity?  Am I wrong in thinking that's what you are saying?  In any case, there is nothing wrong with that, but I would be cautious before pursuing any changes other than acting out your fantasies. 

Let me ask you this, let's say you couldn't ever date anyone or have sexual contact in the future.  Yeah, I know a bit of a bleak scenario, but stay with me.  In that case, how would you feel.  Would you still desire to present as a girl and live as one?  Do you have any inclinations to present as female or feminine outside of sexual or romantic situations?  Or is the cross dressing desires strictly related to sexual impulses? That may help you determine the extent of these feelings and whether this is a fetish or identity thing.  Remember, there are no right or wrong answers.  It's about being true to yourself and following through with what you want.  No one will judge. You are who you are and should be proud with whatever that may be.

As for thinking that I would like to present myself as female outside I would say I am 20/80%. I do think it would be great to show my feminine side, which I do very much have. But the feeling as to live it, that's where the 20% comes in. I think women are so powerful and have such great strength. And I do love the dressing up part. I do enjoy looking at women's clothes and shoes and yes I do have a women's shoe fetish. When I see a woman in great 4-6 inch heels I get excited (if you know what I mean). Seeing a well dressed women really excites me.

As for the fetish, I think your right on the ball. I get extremely excited of the thought of being with transwomen/crossdresser which would allow me to show my feminine side as well as cross dress. Seeing a transwomen with breasts and a penis, just drives me wild. I have so many fetish fantasies. I just figured it would be more enjoyable if I were more feminine and dressed and was trans. Easier to attract the right ladies and have a full time relationship.

I really enjoy the thought of being on my knees in front of a man or transwomen servicing them. It has been a fantasy for many years. I have only been with a 4 men and last was over 15 years ago. My biggest fantasy is to be taken by 20 men and then giving them BJ's till they blow all over me (Bukake).

What category do I fall in? One suggested I would be more Androgyn.

I hope I explained myself properly? I don't feel I got what I wanted to say out correctly.

Quote from: Ginger Maxim on October 28, 2013, 04:38:03 AM
As for thinking that I would like to present myself as female outside I would say I am 20/80%. I do think it would be great to show my feminine side, which I do very much have. But the feeling as to live it, that's where the 20% comes in. I think women are so powerful and have such great strength. And I do love the dressing up part. I do enjoy looking at women's clothes and shoes and yes I do have a women's shoe fetish. When I see a woman in great 4-6 inch heels I get excited (if you know what I mean). Seeing a well dressed women really excites me.

As for the fetish, I think your right on the ball. I get extremely excited of the thought of being with transwomen/crossdresser which would allow me to show my feminine side as well as cross dress. Seeing a transwomen with breasts and a penis, just drives me wild. I have so many fetish fantasies. I just figured it would be more enjoyable if I were more feminine and dressed and was trans. Easier to attract the right ladies and have a full time relationship.

I really enjoy the thought of being on my knees in front of a man or transwomen servicing them. It has been a fantasy for many years. I have only been with a 4 men and last was over 15 years ago. My biggest fantasy is to be taken by 20 men and then giving them BJ's till they blow all over me (Bukake).

What category do I fall in? One suggested I would be more Androgyn.

I hope I explained myself properly? I don't feel I got what I wanted to say out correctly.

There is nothing wrong with having a fetish or cross dressing for that purpose.  People walk all different paths and yours is no less deserving than theirs.  What I would suggest is that you be careful about how far you take this.  From what I have read, you seem to be interested in this for mainly sexual reasons and changing your body for that reason could have dire consequences for you.  Would you feel fulfilled by simply embracing your sexual desires and cross dressing for that purpose alone?  Would you really want more than that?  If so, why do you feel there needs to be more than that?  I'm just asking questions that may help you find yourself a bit better.  Please don't see them as interrogative.

On the transwoman front, you will find most don't enjoy being in the masculine role.  Many, myself included, would not enjoy or desire their partner to touch their birth genitalia in any form.  Of course it depends on the woman, but we are not quite the sexualized fantasy that the media portrays us out to be.  The "->-bleeped-<-" culture may exist to a degree (mainly in porn), but most transwomen would hate to be viewed in that light and would not enjoy that.  Perhaps some cross dressers or transvestities are okay with that, but I doubt you will find a transwoman who is into that.  I'm just letting you know because that will inevitably be an issue if you seek out dating a transgirl.  While the transgender community has all sorts and many categories under it, most transsexuals wouldn't be down for that.  I just don't want you to get your hopes up or get hurt in the process. 

This is why I am so confused. I don't know what I am and certainly don't know what others want. I had no idea that trans ladies would not like that.

I would love to meet a trans lady and get to know them as a friend and a source of information, because I have no one in my life that I can turn too.

I am quite sure you can tell how screwed up I am? I don't know what I want, it almost seems I want everything. Yes sex is a huge part as I have 100's upon 100's of fantasies which never get fulfilled. It seems as I get older my fantasies grow in #'s.

It all started, well came to light when I moved to Toronto to go to school. I was introduced to so many things, by me to a whole different world 20+ years ago.

I like the wide variety of sexual things, but really have not had the opportunity to experience them. Because I have never met any one like me, ever. I have only been with 4 guys. But never met any one with such a wide variety of interests.

I am not sure if it's just if I am addicted to porn, no idea, but my feelings are very mixed up and I have no idea what to think.

Quote from: Ginger Maxim on October 28, 2013, 07:00:02 AM
I am quite sure you can tell how screwed up I am? I don't know what I want, it almost seems I want everything. Yes sex is a huge part as I have 100's upon 100's of fantasies which never get fulfilled. It seems as I get older my fantasies grow in #'s.

It all started, well came to light when I moved to Toronto to go to school. I was introduced to so many things, by me to a whole different world 20+ years ago.

I like the wide variety of sexual things, but really have not had the opportunity to experience them. Because I have never met any one like me, ever. I have only been with 4 guys. But never met any one with such a wide variety of interests.

I am not sure if it's just if I am addicted to porn, no idea, but my feelings are very mixed up and I have no idea what to think.

Aren't most porn fantasies unfulfilled? For a tame example, how many guys get to sleep with a girl that looks like a supermodel? That's why it exists, if it was easy to experience what you see in porn in real life, why would anyone be looking at porn instead?

Hi Ginger
Sit down and have a cop of coffee, tea, cacao whatever you enjoy.
you say you want to get to know other trans folks for information and friendship, Susan is a good place to start.
alot of people with diffrent points of views, opinions and backgrounds post here, maybe you get some friends online or IRL. dont stress on it and take your time, figuring out oneself takes its time.
-

out from what you read you sound pretty much as being crossdreamer who enjoy the sexual part.
I guess we should point out sexualety and gender identety sure is seperated, yet both can be very fluid and hard to define somethimes. I belive its most natural thats how it is.

Heya, Ginger...

Please read the above as the comments of people who are concerned for you... many people in transition have good reason to warn others of the dangers of this path; it is a completely life-altering and potentially unbalancing process.

That being said, it *is* quite possible that your questioning is the beginnings of you coming to grips with your own trans status.

Here's a bit of my story to illustrate that point:

I was married for many years.  One of the problems my marriage had was that I was not "manly" enough for my wife's tastes.  I tried to be more of a man for her.  I did my best to remove the feminine aspects of my personality, and very nearly succeeded in killing my entire personality by doing so.  Add in some abuse and general nastiness, and twelve years later (after raising two step daughters and bringing a new biological daughter into the world) I was literally on the verge of a complete breakdown and nearly died (failing to avoid an accident, rather than suicide).  A year after our separation, I came out to myself as being gender-fluid.  This is a state where the gender a person is inside changes, and gender-fluid people may even express physically and emotionally as different genders depending on what they feel they are at the time (an over-simplification, mea culpa).  After two years of handling myself that way, I finally began to experiment with cross-dressing to the point of trying to pass.

And that is when it hit me.  Memories from childhood throughout my life began to come back, stuff I thought I had locked away and was done with forever.  The yearning to be treated like a girl, then a woman.  The wrongness whenever I looked at my body in the mirror.  The hatred for the way women/girls never treated me like one of them, and my failure to "get" being a guy.  The way I had to watch and imitate boys all my life so I could pass as one of them, but how I always felt like an outsider... all of it hit me over the course of a couple of days and I was forced to reconsider myself and admit to myself I was trans.

From that point on I have been working on transition.  Being a woman is not a choice for me (nor is it a choice for most if not all of the MtF community)... The dysphoria (feeling I don't have the right body) has increased greatly... my inner woman had been languishing in prison for 39 years and she is demanding to be free at last.

So, there is an example from someone who fantasized on a regular basis about what it would be like to be a woman finally realizing that she *was* one, on the inside, anyway. 

I've risked my career (still not sure how that's going to go), my family (all on my side so far), my love (very positive), nearly everything because I just couldn't stand denying myself any further.  When I realized that I could not see myself as an old man (the future was a foreign country for me, I couldn't commit to plans beyond a week or two out by that time) but I *could* see myself as an old woman, that's when I knew.  When I realized that I would rather grow old unloved and without family, an outcast (but a woman) than continue as a man, I was certain.  So I found a therapist specializing in gender dysphoria and started on the road.  I've never been so relieved as when she told me that yes, indeed, I was a girl, and we were going to work on getting my transition kicked into overdrive.

If you reach a point where gender issues are causing you to lose sleep, causing depression, anxiety, or any such thing, please contact a gender therapist... a good one can help you work out who you really are inside and help you on your path.

So, bottom line, please keep exploring.  Don't get discouraged.  You may be gender-fluid, there are a number here.  You may be bi-gendered.  There are also a number here.  You may be a cross-dresser, or just a courageous, supportive CIS Male brave enough to explore gender issues.  No matter what, there is a home and support for you here. 

*hug*  Thank you... your post is just the kind of thing that many people in the world need to read about, and the discussion could have value for many more people than just you in the world.

Much love and respect to you... and a couple more hugs. :)

Quote from: Ginger Maxim on October 28, 2013, 07:00:02 AM
This is why I am so confused. I don't know what I am and certainly don't know what others want. I had no idea that trans ladies would not like that.

I would love to meet a trans lady and get to know them as a friend and a source of information, because I have no one in my life that I can turn too.

I am quite sure you can tell how screwed up I am? I don't know what I want, it almost seems I want everything. Yes sex is a huge part as I have 100's upon 100's of fantasies which never get fulfilled. It seems as I get older my fantasies grow in #'s.

It all started, well came to light when I moved to Toronto to go to school. I was introduced to so many things, by me to a whole different world 20+ years ago.

I like the wide variety of sexual things, but really have not had the opportunity to experience them. Because I have never met any one like me, ever. I have only been with 4 guys. But never met any one with such a wide variety of interests.

I am not sure if it's just if I am addicted to porn, no idea, but my feelings are very mixed up and I have no idea what to think.

Don't put yourself down.  There is nothing wrong with you for having fantasies or sexual desires.  What's important is that you understand what that means for you and don't take hasty actions because of these feelings.  There are plenty of people here that are willing to be your friend and talk to you.  Don't be shy about asking questions.  If anyone judges you for self discovery, they will be huge hypocrites. 

Again, there is nothing wrong with fantasies.  As long as they are legal in nature and only acted out with consenting partners, who cares what you enjoy sexually. It's not our business, and I won't judge you for it.  What I'm trying to get out is find out if this is only a sexual thing for you.  There is nothing wrong with that, but that's what I'm getting from your statement.  If that's the case, there is no harm experimenting with cross dressing and your sexuality.  I would just urge you to be cautious before taking hormones or having any surgery if this is only a fetish and not an identity thing.  Either one is fine, but just make sure you know what's driving you to have these feelings and what that can mean for you. 

Thank you all....
I just wish I had someone here in my life that I could talk to in person...
The thing is I don't have any kind of support groups period...
Sorry I am tired and just don't know what more to say and how to say it or explain myself.

I will continue to learn and ask questions.
thank you

Quote from: Ginger Maxim on October 28, 2013, 08:05:54 PM
Thank you all....
I just wish I had someone here in my life that I could talk to in person...
The thing is I don't have any kind of support groups period...
Sorry I am tired and just don't know what more to say and how to say it or explain myself.

I will continue to learn and ask questions.
thank you

Don't be shy about going to a trans support group.  If you are in Toronto, I'm sure there must be something in such a big city.  That way you will get to meet people IRL.  Good luck with everything, and I hope you find what you are looking for.  :)

I wish I were in Toronto. I am sure I would be able to meet more trans ladies and get support. I live 2 hours from TO... I don't know how/where to meet ladies in my town.