Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello guys and dolls.
I'm curious as to how common it is for transsexuals to not have any friends of their birth sex growing up.
I'm mainly curious about the middle and high school years.
If you chose the option 'No, I had no friends of my birth sex', please indicate whether this was a result of rejection and ostracism by peers of your birth sex (my case), or if it was a voluntary choice - you just gravitated towards peers of your target sex.
Feel free to expand on this and post about what it was like having friends of your birth sex, or not having them.
If you had few or no friends of your target sex, please share what that was like for you.
Thanks.

Nero

I was so lonely and sad as a child.

I played with anyone who would let me boys, girls or imaginary!

;D

Buffy

I only had one good friend who had the same deformity as I did.  ;)

tink :icon_chick:

At the time I entered school I felt like a stranger to other kids because at kindergarden nor boys, nor girls accepted me. Until high school I had only one friend - a boy who was quite girly like me due to fact that he had no male family members, but a great sis.

It varied as I grew up.

I was only friends with girls as a young child through early elementary school.

In later elementary school years, that shifted to mostly boys and stayed that way through high school. Not by choice mind you, but it seemed to be a shunning because the girls started becoming sexual... and as a male, I wasn't welcome anymore.

Twenties and on I still had some of my male friends from before, but I really loved hanging out and talking with their girlfriends more than anything. And it's stayed that way... I'm friends with my wife's friends, women I work with, etc.

~Kate~

I tended to have more male friends than female ones.  In elementary school, it was probably half and half, but as I tried to live as male, I made male friends.  Now after transitioning, almost all of my friends are female and that feels so much better.

I was of the conviction that I didn't need friends to make me happy.  Still, I managed to make a few along the way.  A few of my good friends were in fact guys, but mainly because we were all into video games and such.  The majority of my friends were girls though.  For instance, I would eat lunch on one side of the cafeteria with the girls, and then go hang out with my guy friends on the other side when I was finished. 

Quote from: Kate on June 29, 2007, 11:45:05 AMIn later elementary school years, that shifted to mostly boys and stayed that way through high school. Not by choice mind you, but it seemed to be a shunning because the girls started becoming sexual... and as a male, I wasn't welcome anymore.

Yes, that was a HUGE part of it.

Quote from: Kate on June 29, 2007, 11:45:05 AMTwenties and on I still had some of my male friends from before, but I really loved hanging out and talking with their girlfriends more than anything. And it's stayed that way... I'm friends with my wife's friends, women I work with, etc.

Now that you mention it, I remember when I started college, I pretty much sought out female friends.  That's actually how I met my wife.  We were good friends for about a year before we got "together".  I still retained 1 guy friend from highschool (still is my friend even now) and I had male acquaintances at work, but we never did anything outside of the work place.  Pretty much though, my wife was my best friend during my 20's.

Until the age of 11 I had more girls as friends than boys, though I got on with both.

The at 11 I was sent to an all boys secondary school, so male relationships were kind of thrust upon me at that point...  To get to school there was a bus and so in the morning and evening I did get to see my girl friends, but of course I didn't spend as much time with them as I would have liked.

Then at 18 I went away to uni and from then onwards the majority of my friends have always been girls/women...

MVER XXX

I had practically no friends at all when I was growing up and going to school. Of either gender. I was a total loner. As an adult, I have a small number of friends, mostly other musicians. Still spend most of my time alone though. I sometimes think I might be borderline agoraphobic.

zythyra

didn't have many friends, still don't... but of the few i had/have the majority has been of my birth sex (barely).

QuoteYes, all of my friends were of my birth sex.

An this is part of my signature...

I was very much left out in the cold by the girls.

An "all of my friends" is misleading; I have never had a large pool of people I call friend.

Interesting question :)

I had girl and guy friends from middle school on. I remember having mostly girl friends in Elementary school though. 6th grade was kind of a demarcation point and that's when it really seemed to change. Looking back, Kate might be on to something w/the onset of puberty forcing changes. I liked my guy friends in middle and high school, but they totally weren't like regular guys. We would skateboard, listen to punk bands but we weren't sexual at all, no girlfriends or anything. We didn't drink or do any drugs (straight edge punk lifestyle).

Something was missing with them though that a lot of us might have felt. We didn't really have that deep emotional bomd that I had with my friends who were girls. I recognized that pretty early and always knew I'd gt different things out of my friendships with girls than I did with guys. I knew why. I've been told by my girl friends that I was different than most guys. I was a lot more of a listener and more open with them than other guys. We could talk for hours about things that most guys just didn't care about. My deepest friendships were always with girls. Even now most girls I know like talking to me and being my friend and I like that, it feels very natural. It just seems like we connect a lot more than I do with guys. Most guys I know are very short with words and their feelings. I have guy friends now, but they are typically very creative and in touch with their emotional side. I'm comfortable with guys and girls but I tend to gravitate to people who are open, like talking and listening and are in touch with their feelings :) Meghan

Wow, this post is really making me think back and remember.  I kind of had forgotten just how many female friends I had.  For instance, when i was in junior high, I was actually in the group with the "popular kids" (yeah, go figure ::)).  I was friends with most of the cheerleaders and many of their friends.  In fact I can recall at least a couple of girls who I didn't think of as anything other than friends.  If I had been raised as a girl, I probably would have been a cheerleader myself. :(  I even had a couple girls express their interest in me at that time, but I was not ready for a relationship at that time.  I also tended to make friends with people older than me.  That's probably why my wife and current girlfriend (with whom I've had my strongest relationships) were considerably older than me.  Now that I've thought about it, I would say it was more like half and half.  Interestingly enough, usually people that I became really good friends with were male, although I can think of only 4 people in my life that I would have counted as a really good friend.

I got along well enough with acquaintances in high school.  I was accused of being stuck up often enough. But I honestly tried to be friendly to everyone.

I never did have truly close friends until after my transition.  I have two very close male friends and one female friend outside those that I have here.

Cindi

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on June 29, 2007, 05:26:54 PMI've been told by my girl friends that I was different than most guys. I was a lot more of a listener and more open with them than other guys. We could talk for hours about things that most guys just didn't care about. My deepest friendships were always with girls. Even now most girls I know like talking to me and being my friend and I like that, it feels very natural. It just seems like we connect a lot more than I do with guys. Most guys I know are very short with words and their feelings.

Yes, I can totally relate to that.  One thing I clearly remember was around the age of about 14/15 boy friends would ask me for advice on what to talk about with girls.  They often asked me what 'lines' I used to talk to them as they could see that I had unusually good and close relationships with girls.

I remember telling the boys I didn't have any 'lines' and when they asked me what we talked about I always just said 'well, things'.  It made sense to me, but they just never understood!  To them I was just some kind of super romeo!!!  (That's simply hilarious when I think of it!!!)

MVER XXX

lol :laugh: all my friends were dudes bro. :laugh: since age 12 only been w/dudes. my homies call me by chris 'cos thats my name.   my name's chris.  it aint the oder name ;)

Quote from: Hidrix on June 30, 2007, 03:09:43 AM
lol :laugh: all my friends were dudes bro. :laugh:

me too. may I ask if this was voluntary on your part - you just gravitated towards dudes or were you shunned by girls as I was?

Quote from: mavieenrose on June 30, 2007, 02:52:18 AM
Yes, I can totally relate to that.  One thing I clearly remember was around the age of about 14/15 boy friends would ask me for advice on what to talk about with girls.  They often asked me what 'lines' I used to talk to them as they could see that I had unusually good and close relationships with girls.

I remember telling the boys I didn't have any 'lines' and when they asked me what we talked about I always just said 'well, things'.  It made sense to me, but they just never understood!  To them I was just some kind of super romeo!!!  (That's simply hilarious when I think of it!!!)

MVER XXX

So true Mver. I had friends of both genders but some boys I knew would not understand how I had this giift of talking to girls. A a young teenager I looked very feminine and other boys would say the girls must be lesbians if they were interested in me.....some thought I was a womaniser but the truth was I knew how to talk to girls without them feeling vunerable or feel like they were being chatted up.

I went around with a gang of boys who called me 'Sarah' all the time and my gender identity was apparent from the age of 13. I also played tennis and hung around with with girls I knew and got on very well with them.

I had mostly female friends, but I had a few guy friends too. It's about the same today, except I have way more friends now than I did in high school.

In school I had relatively few friends of either gender, and none of which I would call good friends, although the girls would talk to me, but the boys would treat me very badly.  During late high school computers we were only just getting our first IBM based computers, x86, AT etc, so I started to hang out in the computer room, and learnt a lot about computers, which helped me today, for I work as a Senior Systems Engineer and am very well respected at the company I work for (and where I transitioned).

My first real friends were when I started to work at McDonalds in year 11 at high school, and I became fiends with all the lesbians at the store (our store was infamous in Sydney for the large lesbian and drug user population that worked there at the time).  I was seen as just one of the girls, and really fitted in with them too, in a way I was just one of the dykes.  I had a few male friends there also, but mainly around my abuse of drugs to try and deal with being TS, and not being able to do anything about it.  I would smoke pot with a few of the guys, but most of my time I spent with the other dykes.

Now days I have more friends than I have ever had.

Sally

I went to an all boys school (ow) and of the few people who would talk to me, yeah, so all my friends were male, as my parents kept me relatively socially stunted (permanently grounded to do man things and help my father)

My friends in junior and high school were 40% of my birth sex and as I got older the percentage bacame less.

I didn't have many friends, period. Partly cuz I felt I did fit in and partly cuz the girls thought I'd hit on them (they thought I was a lesbian) and the boys saw me as 'some butch thing that we can't hit on so we ignore'. I was a loner, got use to it.

I really did not have any friends growing up,  Too shy by far, and then I did not know how to react, traped in a guys body.  All the friends I've had at work over the years have been women.  Never had close friends till now.  Never liked myself till now.

Beni