Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: ~Kaiden on October 31, 2013, 12:42:09 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: ~Kaiden on October 31, 2013, 12:42:09 AM
Post by: ~Kaiden on October 31, 2013, 12:42:09 AM
O_O!!! I came out to my mom and brother!!
Holy monkeys, I can't believe I actually did it. I was freaking out all day. The two people I wanted to come out to first were too busy with work, so I just ended up coming out to the two people I live with, my mom and brother. I hadn't planned on coming out to them first, but I had to come out to somebody. And it went well!! I kinda knew how they'd take it, not horribly, but my family... well, they're pretty nutty. Probably where I get it from. XP
Anyway, its a funny story. Kind of long, but I thought I'd share it for anyone who needs an uplifting coming out story. Maybe it'll help someone as freaked out as I was struggling to come out to that first person/people. A warning though. My family can be very eccentric. XP
When I first came up to my mom, she was in the middle of arguing with my sister over text. I sat there probably for like an hour waiting for her to get done, having an anxiety attack the whole time. XP My heart was pounding and I was shaking and I felt like I could hardly breathe. But, I wasn't about to back down, so I stayed put. By the time she was finished texting, I felt like I was gonna throw up. She finally looked up at me and said, "Well, hi!"
I looked at her and said, "Mom, I know you're busy dealing with one of your crazy children, can you deal with two?" She kind of laughed and said, "What is it?" I just looked at her and said, "I donno how to say this, but..." And I couldn't. I couldn't get the words to come out. I just sat there scratching my head, tongue tied and feeling lost.
So, what does my mom do? She precedes to try to guess what the problem is. "Well, what happened?" She asks. "Does your ex want to get back together with you?"
"Er... no..."
"Do you got a new boyfriend?"
"No."
"Hmm... your other ex...?"
"No."
She ponders for a moment, staring off at the wall in confusion. I still can't bring myself to say it. She starts to look worried. "Are you moving out?"
"No." I shook my head.
She ponders again. "You're not pregnant, are you?"
"What? No."
Ponders again, looks suddenly shocked.
"Are you a lesbian?!"
I kinda rolled my eyes. "Well, I am bi. I told you that when I was like 14 and you thought I was full of crap."
She gave me a weird look and was like, "Really?"
I shook my head. "Yeah, but that's not what this is about." I said.
"Well, then what?" She asked.
I still couldn't bring myself to say it.
I leaned over and hugged her and she of course got really worried and started going, "Oh my god! What's wrong?! What's the matter?!"
I sat back and I said. "I don't think I'm a woman."
"You don't think you're a woman??" She repeated.
"I've never felt like a woman."
"You...? You've never felt like a woman? You're a man?"
"Yeah."
"You want a sex change?"
"Possibly..."
She laughed at me, (I knew she would XP) but then said something I wasn't quite expecting: "Is that all???" She wasn't even being sarcastic. She hugged me and told me it was okay and that I'll always be her baby no matter what. :P
Although, when we got to talking about it, it got kind of annoying because it seemed like she was trying to talk me out of it, or come up with excuses for it. She started by saying, "Well, honey, I think it's just your hormones." And "I think you need to get out more, you stay in too much." But I stood my ground and calmly explained to her that it's not just a phase or a passing things, that I have always felt this way and I have spend most of my life repressing it. I reminded her of how young I was when I started refusing dresses and dolls. How I always wanted to play with my brother and his friend etc. Then she moved on to telling me, "Well, it's just the Texan in you coming out. All the women in our family got a man side." To which I replied. "But I don't feel like a woman with a man side. I feel like a man with a woman side." ::)
Then she asked me, "Well, do you like women? Are you a lesbian?" I reminded her that I'm bi. She replied, "Well, if you're not a lesbian, then you can't be a man." ::) Then I had to explain to her that sexual identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
I started to tell her about all the reasons I felt this way and explaining to her what GID and dysphoria were, and the science behind it, the physical differences in the brain etc. I think that's when she started to realize I was being totally serious. I started to tell her about my dysphoria about my chest and my difficulties with sex (but that's another thread) and all the things that lead up to me realizing I was trans. I told her about the research I'd been doing and about this wonderful forum I found with the most amazing people and how much they've helped me.
When I was done, I just sat there with her staring at me, feeling naked as a shaved sheep, and she finally said. "Well, honey. We'll get you into therapy and they'll help you straighten all this out. Just don't jump to any conclusions."
I told her it would make me SO happy to see a therapist. I have wanted to for a long time. I hadn't expected her to offer to help me get into therapy. So that made me happy. :)
But finally, I asked her the big question. "Mom, if I do go through therapy, and this turns out its not just something hormonal or whatever, and I really do decide to become a man, how would you feel about that?" She laughed and hugged me and said. "I'll always love you. Even if you were green with purpose pokadots, I'd still love you. Whether you decide you want to be a man or a woman or something in between, as long as you're happy." :)
...Phew!
After the conversation, we sat down and played cards and watched Tremors for awhile, until my brother comes upstairs, and I just come out and tell him I'm going to be going to therapy for GID. I think he thought I was joking at first. But I looked at him dead pan and told him I was serious. He just looked at me like, "Ohh, oookay!" and shrugged it off and started talking about something that had annoyed him earlier in the day. (lol) But the next thing I knew, my mom and brother were talking about bottom surgery and my mom mentioned how testosterone effects that part down there, and my brother started talking about how they harvest skin from other parts of the body to create a penis and all that stuff and I just sat there like... WHAT is going on?? I was SHOCKED. I looked at them both and said, "HOW do you two know all this?!"
It was weird though because it was just like... a normal conversation. We would veer off subject once in a while and then come back to it. They asked me a couple questions. But it wasn't like the super heavy discussion I was expecting. It was just like, "Oh, so you want to be a man? Cool. What's for dinner?" lol! XP It was kind of surreal, actually.
So yeah, it went amazingly well! And I feel so much better! Like, even more weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It was kind of a weird feeling. I was actually kind of melancholy right afterwards. I donno why, maybe I was just tired and emotionally drained. (this was at like 3 in the morning we had this conversation) But this morning I woke up and the most amazing thing happened... I donno how to explain it except that, I got up this morning and woke up as Kai. The other person I used to be is slowly fading into the background as the real me emerges. And it feels so good. I look in the mirror and I can see myself, not the "girl" I always felt like I had to be. I open my mouth and hear myself speak. Even though I'm not on T so it's not like my voice is any lower, but I don't know... I just sound more like me. I can't explain it.
I feel so grateful to have found this wonderful family. I would have never had the strength to do this without all the encouragement and support I've received these past couple weeks. I am so glad I did it. I felt frozen with fear for an entire day before I was able to say anything to anybody. But it can be done! It was quite a hurtle... I don't feel like anything can stop me now!! XP But really, I can't tell you how... peaceful I feel now. It's an incredible feeling. :) So, thank you all for being so amazing!
Next will be my friends and the rest of my family >.< Oh, boy...!
Holy monkeys, I can't believe I actually did it. I was freaking out all day. The two people I wanted to come out to first were too busy with work, so I just ended up coming out to the two people I live with, my mom and brother. I hadn't planned on coming out to them first, but I had to come out to somebody. And it went well!! I kinda knew how they'd take it, not horribly, but my family... well, they're pretty nutty. Probably where I get it from. XP
Anyway, its a funny story. Kind of long, but I thought I'd share it for anyone who needs an uplifting coming out story. Maybe it'll help someone as freaked out as I was struggling to come out to that first person/people. A warning though. My family can be very eccentric. XP
When I first came up to my mom, she was in the middle of arguing with my sister over text. I sat there probably for like an hour waiting for her to get done, having an anxiety attack the whole time. XP My heart was pounding and I was shaking and I felt like I could hardly breathe. But, I wasn't about to back down, so I stayed put. By the time she was finished texting, I felt like I was gonna throw up. She finally looked up at me and said, "Well, hi!"
I looked at her and said, "Mom, I know you're busy dealing with one of your crazy children, can you deal with two?" She kind of laughed and said, "What is it?" I just looked at her and said, "I donno how to say this, but..." And I couldn't. I couldn't get the words to come out. I just sat there scratching my head, tongue tied and feeling lost.
So, what does my mom do? She precedes to try to guess what the problem is. "Well, what happened?" She asks. "Does your ex want to get back together with you?"
"Er... no..."
"Do you got a new boyfriend?"
"No."
"Hmm... your other ex...?"
"No."
She ponders for a moment, staring off at the wall in confusion. I still can't bring myself to say it. She starts to look worried. "Are you moving out?"
"No." I shook my head.
She ponders again. "You're not pregnant, are you?"
"What? No."
Ponders again, looks suddenly shocked.
"Are you a lesbian?!"
I kinda rolled my eyes. "Well, I am bi. I told you that when I was like 14 and you thought I was full of crap."
She gave me a weird look and was like, "Really?"
I shook my head. "Yeah, but that's not what this is about." I said.
"Well, then what?" She asked.
I still couldn't bring myself to say it.
I leaned over and hugged her and she of course got really worried and started going, "Oh my god! What's wrong?! What's the matter?!"
I sat back and I said. "I don't think I'm a woman."
"You don't think you're a woman??" She repeated.
"I've never felt like a woman."
"You...? You've never felt like a woman? You're a man?"
"Yeah."
"You want a sex change?"
"Possibly..."
She laughed at me, (I knew she would XP) but then said something I wasn't quite expecting: "Is that all???" She wasn't even being sarcastic. She hugged me and told me it was okay and that I'll always be her baby no matter what. :P
Although, when we got to talking about it, it got kind of annoying because it seemed like she was trying to talk me out of it, or come up with excuses for it. She started by saying, "Well, honey, I think it's just your hormones." And "I think you need to get out more, you stay in too much." But I stood my ground and calmly explained to her that it's not just a phase or a passing things, that I have always felt this way and I have spend most of my life repressing it. I reminded her of how young I was when I started refusing dresses and dolls. How I always wanted to play with my brother and his friend etc. Then she moved on to telling me, "Well, it's just the Texan in you coming out. All the women in our family got a man side." To which I replied. "But I don't feel like a woman with a man side. I feel like a man with a woman side." ::)
Then she asked me, "Well, do you like women? Are you a lesbian?" I reminded her that I'm bi. She replied, "Well, if you're not a lesbian, then you can't be a man." ::) Then I had to explain to her that sexual identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
I started to tell her about all the reasons I felt this way and explaining to her what GID and dysphoria were, and the science behind it, the physical differences in the brain etc. I think that's when she started to realize I was being totally serious. I started to tell her about my dysphoria about my chest and my difficulties with sex (but that's another thread) and all the things that lead up to me realizing I was trans. I told her about the research I'd been doing and about this wonderful forum I found with the most amazing people and how much they've helped me.
When I was done, I just sat there with her staring at me, feeling naked as a shaved sheep, and she finally said. "Well, honey. We'll get you into therapy and they'll help you straighten all this out. Just don't jump to any conclusions."
I told her it would make me SO happy to see a therapist. I have wanted to for a long time. I hadn't expected her to offer to help me get into therapy. So that made me happy. :)
But finally, I asked her the big question. "Mom, if I do go through therapy, and this turns out its not just something hormonal or whatever, and I really do decide to become a man, how would you feel about that?" She laughed and hugged me and said. "I'll always love you. Even if you were green with purpose pokadots, I'd still love you. Whether you decide you want to be a man or a woman or something in between, as long as you're happy." :)
...Phew!
After the conversation, we sat down and played cards and watched Tremors for awhile, until my brother comes upstairs, and I just come out and tell him I'm going to be going to therapy for GID. I think he thought I was joking at first. But I looked at him dead pan and told him I was serious. He just looked at me like, "Ohh, oookay!" and shrugged it off and started talking about something that had annoyed him earlier in the day. (lol) But the next thing I knew, my mom and brother were talking about bottom surgery and my mom mentioned how testosterone effects that part down there, and my brother started talking about how they harvest skin from other parts of the body to create a penis and all that stuff and I just sat there like... WHAT is going on?? I was SHOCKED. I looked at them both and said, "HOW do you two know all this?!"
It was weird though because it was just like... a normal conversation. We would veer off subject once in a while and then come back to it. They asked me a couple questions. But it wasn't like the super heavy discussion I was expecting. It was just like, "Oh, so you want to be a man? Cool. What's for dinner?" lol! XP It was kind of surreal, actually.
So yeah, it went amazingly well! And I feel so much better! Like, even more weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It was kind of a weird feeling. I was actually kind of melancholy right afterwards. I donno why, maybe I was just tired and emotionally drained. (this was at like 3 in the morning we had this conversation) But this morning I woke up and the most amazing thing happened... I donno how to explain it except that, I got up this morning and woke up as Kai. The other person I used to be is slowly fading into the background as the real me emerges. And it feels so good. I look in the mirror and I can see myself, not the "girl" I always felt like I had to be. I open my mouth and hear myself speak. Even though I'm not on T so it's not like my voice is any lower, but I don't know... I just sound more like me. I can't explain it.
I feel so grateful to have found this wonderful family. I would have never had the strength to do this without all the encouragement and support I've received these past couple weeks. I am so glad I did it. I felt frozen with fear for an entire day before I was able to say anything to anybody. But it can be done! It was quite a hurtle... I don't feel like anything can stop me now!! XP But really, I can't tell you how... peaceful I feel now. It's an incredible feeling. :) So, thank you all for being so amazing!
Next will be my friends and the rest of my family >.< Oh, boy...!
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 31, 2013, 12:47:07 AM
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 31, 2013, 12:47:07 AM
Good job! You are really on a roll now. BIG HUG!! :laugh:
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on October 31, 2013, 12:48:22 AM
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on October 31, 2013, 12:48:22 AM
Look at you! Superhero! :D
I'm so proud of you, very well done. Maybe I can tell my mom, too.... :embarrassed:
You should do a happy dance. Or that might be too girly. Look grim and say something non-committal like "cool" and then burp. Very manly. And I will happy dance for you.
::HUG::
-maggie
I'm so proud of you, very well done. Maybe I can tell my mom, too.... :embarrassed:
You should do a happy dance. Or that might be too girly. Look grim and say something non-committal like "cool" and then burp. Very manly. And I will happy dance for you.
::HUG::
-maggie
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: ~Kaiden on October 31, 2013, 12:55:37 AM
Post by: ~Kaiden on October 31, 2013, 12:55:37 AM
Thank you both!! ;D
I hope things go well if you do decide to tell your mom. :) And you know what? I'm feeling so good right now, I don't care!!! *does super girly happy dance with you!!!!!* XD Hahahaha
Quote from: Magdalena on October 31, 2013, 12:48:22 AM
Look at you! Superhero! :D
I'm so proud of you, very well done. Maybe I can tell my mom, too.... :embarrassed:
You should do a happy dance. Or that might be too girly. Look grim and say something non-committal like "cool" and then burp. Very manly. And I will happy dance for you.
I hope things go well if you do decide to tell your mom. :) And you know what? I'm feeling so good right now, I don't care!!! *does super girly happy dance with you!!!!!* XD Hahahaha
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 31, 2013, 12:58:34 AM
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 31, 2013, 12:58:34 AM
THREAD PARTY!!!! :icon_dance: :icon_caffine: :icon_joy: :icon_headfones: :icon_geekdance: :icon_pelvic_thrust2: :icon_woowoo:
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on October 31, 2013, 01:06:52 AM
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on October 31, 2013, 01:06:52 AM
*happy dances around the place then remembers there's laundry to finish and work in the morning and scampers off*
G'night, party animals! You both rock!
-maggie
G'night, party animals! You both rock!
-maggie
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: ~Kaiden on October 31, 2013, 02:00:07 AM
Post by: ~Kaiden on October 31, 2013, 02:00:07 AM
Whhhhoooooooooaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! :icon_dance: :icon_drunk: :icon_headfones: :icon_geekdance: :icon_giggle: :icon_blowme: :icon_boxing: :icon_blah:
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Cindy on October 31, 2013, 02:16:57 AM
Post by: Cindy on October 31, 2013, 02:16:57 AM
Kai,
I'm very happy for you and you don't have an eccentric family, you have a wonderful loving one.
Be proud young brother.
Cindy decides to try to dance and falls of her walking stick and passes her laundry to Maggie
I'm very happy for you and you don't have an eccentric family, you have a wonderful loving one.
Be proud young brother.
Cindy decides to try to dance and falls of her walking stick and passes her laundry to Maggie
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Robin Mack on October 31, 2013, 09:43:11 AM
Post by: Robin Mack on October 31, 2013, 09:43:11 AM
*Happy Dance* (think Snoopy and Woodstock, for those who remember them)
Congratulations! I am stoked! Having your family behind you will be an incredible source of strength.
Much love, and much happiness to you! :)
Congratulations! I am stoked! Having your family behind you will be an incredible source of strength.
Much love, and much happiness to you! :)
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Dalex on October 31, 2013, 02:30:40 PM
Post by: Dalex on October 31, 2013, 02:30:40 PM
Kai! Again, grats with coming out! That takes incredible strength to do, even when the take the news well.
*throws confetti, chocolate, a tennis ball and a puppy after it*
Maybe I do have an unhealthy obsession with puppy's >.>
Again! GRATS DUDE!!!
*throws confetti, chocolate, a tennis ball and a puppy after it*
Maybe I do have an unhealthy obsession with puppy's >.>
Again! GRATS DUDE!!!
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 01, 2013, 07:25:57 AM
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 01, 2013, 07:25:57 AM
Cindy, Robin, Dalex, thank you!!! ;D
I'm stoked too! And... PUPPY!!! *runs after the puppy chasing the tennis ball*
>_>
<_<
I didn't just do that. You didn't see anything................ >_____>
I'm stoked too! And... PUPPY!!! *runs after the puppy chasing the tennis ball*
>_>
<_<
I didn't just do that. You didn't see anything................ >_____>
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Dalex on November 01, 2013, 11:52:40 AM
Post by: Dalex on November 01, 2013, 11:52:40 AM
Hurr hurr hurr....I saw you chase the puppy!
I SAW IT!
*snickers*
I SAW IT!
*snickers*
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 10, 2013, 12:39:11 AM
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 10, 2013, 12:39:11 AM
Gruuhhhh.... UPDATE!
I came out to my sister! O.O
I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell her... but she was over the other day and I kinda just blurted it out. >.< I wasn't sure how she would react, I haven't really seen my sister much over the past few years. (she was having some problems, but shes doing better now) But, she was cool with it! In fact, I was never aware of this, but apparently my sister has a couple FtM friends. And like my cousin, she wasn't all too surprised. Although like my mom, she was kinda confused about sexual orientation.
When I told her I was bi, her reaction was kind of like, "OMG, all this time! I've never had anyone to talk to about girls before!" XD Which I kind of already knew my sister was bi, but she never actually came out and said it ever. We laughed about it and she started talking about this girl she used to have a crush on. XD So, I guess it was kind of like a coming out for both of us!
So yeah, it was a good conversation. :) I'm not sure who I'm going to come out to next. As of yet, I'm probably gonna get some therapy under my belt before I start coming out to anyone else. The people I am closest to know now, so I am feeling good about that. :)
I came out to my sister! O.O
I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell her... but she was over the other day and I kinda just blurted it out. >.< I wasn't sure how she would react, I haven't really seen my sister much over the past few years. (she was having some problems, but shes doing better now) But, she was cool with it! In fact, I was never aware of this, but apparently my sister has a couple FtM friends. And like my cousin, she wasn't all too surprised. Although like my mom, she was kinda confused about sexual orientation.
When I told her I was bi, her reaction was kind of like, "OMG, all this time! I've never had anyone to talk to about girls before!" XD Which I kind of already knew my sister was bi, but she never actually came out and said it ever. We laughed about it and she started talking about this girl she used to have a crush on. XD So, I guess it was kind of like a coming out for both of us!
So yeah, it was a good conversation. :) I'm not sure who I'm going to come out to next. As of yet, I'm probably gonna get some therapy under my belt before I start coming out to anyone else. The people I am closest to know now, so I am feeling good about that. :)
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on November 10, 2013, 12:51:08 AM
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on November 10, 2013, 12:51:08 AM
Yay, Kai!
Amazing news. I'm glad it went so well for you. :D
You're rocking this. 8)
Amazing news. I'm glad it went so well for you. :D
You're rocking this. 8)
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 10, 2013, 12:54:54 AM
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 10, 2013, 12:54:54 AM
Quote from: Magdalena on November 10, 2013, 12:51:08 AM
Yay, Kai!
Amazing news. I'm glad it went so well for you. :D
You're rocking this. 8)
Eeeeeee...! Kai'z a rocking da hiz-ouse! *does a jig* :icon_dance: XD Omg, I have been awake for faaaaar too long.......... @_@
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Dalex on November 10, 2013, 03:31:19 PM
Post by: Dalex on November 10, 2013, 03:31:19 PM
That's my brother, from another mother! You keep rolling things up like the rockstar you are!
*Offers a fistpump*
It's somehow easier after dropping that first grenade, right? ;)
*Offers a fistpump*
It's somehow easier after dropping that first grenade, right? ;)
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: KabitTarah on November 10, 2013, 03:37:54 PM
Post by: KabitTarah on November 10, 2013, 03:37:54 PM
You sound like you have a wonderful family!!! Oh... and I'm coming to this late, but I really do think it's the hormones ;) you've got the wrong ones! ;D
Congrats
Congrats
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 10, 2013, 06:46:39 PM
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 10, 2013, 06:46:39 PM
Quote from: Dalex on November 10, 2013, 03:31:19 PM
That's my brother, from another mother! You keep rolling things up like the rockstar you are!
*Offers a fistpump*
It's somehow easier after dropping that first grenade, right? ;)
*fistbump!*
Yes! It IS a lot easier after that first one! Although, I do feel pretty lucky that my family has been so open-minded about it. I know the tough conversations are gonna come when I have to tell the OTHER side of my family... ooooo! :o But, that grenades gotta fly sooner or later! XD
Quote from: kabit on November 10, 2013, 03:37:54 PM
You sound like you have a wonderful family!!! Oh... and I'm coming to this late, but I really do think it's the hormones ;) you've got the wrong ones! ;D
Congrats
Haha, thank you! And yes! They are pretty cool despite all their quirks. XD And omg, I am so going to use that the next time I get the hormone talk from her. XD Yus, it will be epic. XD
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Felice Aislin on November 10, 2013, 10:24:13 PM
Post by: Felice Aislin on November 10, 2013, 10:24:13 PM
Kai, I just read this and it TOTALLY made my night! =D I just want to hug everyone now. Quirky, awesome families like yours are the BEST!!! So proud of you and the guts it took to see that through.
:icon_boogy: :eusa_clap: :icon_dance: :icon_clap: :eusa_dance: :icon_joy:
:icon_boogy: :eusa_clap: :icon_dance: :icon_clap: :eusa_dance: :icon_joy:
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 27, 2013, 12:30:18 AM
Post by: ~Kaiden on November 27, 2013, 12:30:18 AM
Thanks Felice. ;D I'm glad to hear my little story made your night, I was hoping others would find it amusing. X3 Haha.
And I hate to ruin the up-beat mood of this thread, but here is an update. Well, more of a rant than an update. XP You have been warned.
Alright, so, the discussions with my mom have been getting quite heated... She's been saying some things that I'm not really sure how to respond to simply because of their absurdity. Basically, shes coming up with every reason on the planet why becoming a man is a horrible idea. She claimed to be supportive at first, but now its more like, "Well, I'm not happy about it, but there's nothing I can do about it, so go ahead and ruin your life." (as if I have much of a life to ruin :P lol) It's gotten to the point where now every time I bring it up she just gives me this look and shakes her head. She has even actually started calling me crazy. :-\
At first the comments were harmless enough, telling me it was a phase, that I was having a hormonal imbalance, etc. all that stuff, but how some of the things she's been saying lately have become rather hurtful. Today I brought it up again, I asked her if she would be willing to help me order a binder if I could find the money to pay for it, and she flat out said no, that she wouldn't help me "mutilate" myself. (I don't have a bank account or a credit card, so I can't really order things online myself :P) I tried to explain to her that binding isn't going to "mutilate" me, and it would help me a lot, but no. Her response was, "Someday, you're gonna meet a nice guy, and you're boobs are gonna be all messed up and you're gonna regret you did that to yourself." Tch... *scoff* I could pick out so many things wrong with that statement. First off, I told her, "Why should I shape my life around some imaginary person I haven't even met yet? Why does that person have to be a guy who likes boobs? Shouldn't the person I end up with love me for who I am?" Her response to me was, "You are gonna wind up alone for there rest of your life because you are gonna turn yourself into a short, fat, ugly man. Why would you wanna be a short, fat, ugly man? Wouldn't you rather be a short, fat, ugly woman?" Yeah, nice, right? She made it a point to tell me that being trans means, "No one will ever want you."
Now, it's a good thing I learned not to listen to my mother a long time ago, because she can be... well... not the nicest person in the world. It's kind of funny, thinking back to my teenage years, because she's always had an issue with my weight. She used to say the same things back to me back when I was in high school. "Suck in your stomach, you're too fat, you'll never get a boyfriend looking like that, blah blah blah." Just because I was never all skinny and super-modely like my sister. I am not that overweight and I know I'm not ugly. And I feel like I've got good features that would translate well after transition. I asked her what made her think I would be an ugly man and she just looked at me and sneered and went, "Uck... ugly..." :-\
She went on to tell me that the only reason I wanna do this is because I'm depressed, and I hate myself. I told her, yeah, I used to be that way, but ever since I realized I was trans I've been really happy, and I've learned I really like myself. And she goes, "Well, you don't act like you are." Although, I don't know if my mom would know if how I was feeling if I were screaming it from the top of my lungs. She acts like she pays attention, but shes always too concerned about complaining about her own problems to give anyone else the time of day, so it's whatever. I think the truth is she is one of those "misery loves company" people. She spent most her life running it into the ground with alcohol, and how that shes thrown her life away and is miserable, I think she just hates to see other people happy, even if it is her own kid.
Then she started telling me how hard its going to be to transition and become a man, as if I for some reason think its gonna be easy. :P I was informed by both her and my brother that I am too weak and small and I need to learn to fight. :-\ Which I guess would be useful, but really, the last time I knew a couple of guys who got into a fist fight was in high school, an they were idiots. And I don't plan on spending a lot of time in bars, as I don't really drink, soooo.... I donno. Am I gonna have to worry about getting into fights a lot as a guy? XD
Alright, I'm gonna just stop there. I feel like I've got my ranting out. XP I'm not so sure how to deal with my mom, I think I'm just gonna have to grin and bear it and hope she comes around. I feel like I've got good support from the rest of the people who know, so I'm happy about that. She's just got a way of saying things to get under my skin and it really bothers me sometimes. But, oh well. Life goes on, I guess!
And I hate to ruin the up-beat mood of this thread, but here is an update. Well, more of a rant than an update. XP You have been warned.
Alright, so, the discussions with my mom have been getting quite heated... She's been saying some things that I'm not really sure how to respond to simply because of their absurdity. Basically, shes coming up with every reason on the planet why becoming a man is a horrible idea. She claimed to be supportive at first, but now its more like, "Well, I'm not happy about it, but there's nothing I can do about it, so go ahead and ruin your life." (as if I have much of a life to ruin :P lol) It's gotten to the point where now every time I bring it up she just gives me this look and shakes her head. She has even actually started calling me crazy. :-\
At first the comments were harmless enough, telling me it was a phase, that I was having a hormonal imbalance, etc. all that stuff, but how some of the things she's been saying lately have become rather hurtful. Today I brought it up again, I asked her if she would be willing to help me order a binder if I could find the money to pay for it, and she flat out said no, that she wouldn't help me "mutilate" myself. (I don't have a bank account or a credit card, so I can't really order things online myself :P) I tried to explain to her that binding isn't going to "mutilate" me, and it would help me a lot, but no. Her response was, "Someday, you're gonna meet a nice guy, and you're boobs are gonna be all messed up and you're gonna regret you did that to yourself." Tch... *scoff* I could pick out so many things wrong with that statement. First off, I told her, "Why should I shape my life around some imaginary person I haven't even met yet? Why does that person have to be a guy who likes boobs? Shouldn't the person I end up with love me for who I am?" Her response to me was, "You are gonna wind up alone for there rest of your life because you are gonna turn yourself into a short, fat, ugly man. Why would you wanna be a short, fat, ugly man? Wouldn't you rather be a short, fat, ugly woman?" Yeah, nice, right? She made it a point to tell me that being trans means, "No one will ever want you."
Now, it's a good thing I learned not to listen to my mother a long time ago, because she can be... well... not the nicest person in the world. It's kind of funny, thinking back to my teenage years, because she's always had an issue with my weight. She used to say the same things back to me back when I was in high school. "Suck in your stomach, you're too fat, you'll never get a boyfriend looking like that, blah blah blah." Just because I was never all skinny and super-modely like my sister. I am not that overweight and I know I'm not ugly. And I feel like I've got good features that would translate well after transition. I asked her what made her think I would be an ugly man and she just looked at me and sneered and went, "Uck... ugly..." :-\
She went on to tell me that the only reason I wanna do this is because I'm depressed, and I hate myself. I told her, yeah, I used to be that way, but ever since I realized I was trans I've been really happy, and I've learned I really like myself. And she goes, "Well, you don't act like you are." Although, I don't know if my mom would know if how I was feeling if I were screaming it from the top of my lungs. She acts like she pays attention, but shes always too concerned about complaining about her own problems to give anyone else the time of day, so it's whatever. I think the truth is she is one of those "misery loves company" people. She spent most her life running it into the ground with alcohol, and how that shes thrown her life away and is miserable, I think she just hates to see other people happy, even if it is her own kid.
Then she started telling me how hard its going to be to transition and become a man, as if I for some reason think its gonna be easy. :P I was informed by both her and my brother that I am too weak and small and I need to learn to fight. :-\ Which I guess would be useful, but really, the last time I knew a couple of guys who got into a fist fight was in high school, an they were idiots. And I don't plan on spending a lot of time in bars, as I don't really drink, soooo.... I donno. Am I gonna have to worry about getting into fights a lot as a guy? XD
Alright, I'm gonna just stop there. I feel like I've got my ranting out. XP I'm not so sure how to deal with my mom, I think I'm just gonna have to grin and bear it and hope she comes around. I feel like I've got good support from the rest of the people who know, so I'm happy about that. She's just got a way of saying things to get under my skin and it really bothers me sometimes. But, oh well. Life goes on, I guess!
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on November 27, 2013, 04:02:05 AM
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on November 27, 2013, 04:02:05 AM
I'm glad you're not letting it stop you. :D
I think maybe you can admit she's almost right when she says it's because you're depressed and hate yourself. Then you just walk it back and explain the connection goes in the other direction. That's how I've been trying to present it anyway, the dysphoria as cause of all the dark and horrible thoughts that followed... Trying to get the idea through that not addressing the main issue will send me right back in to the land of darkness seems to work. Maybe you could appear to give in just a little and admit that seeing a therapist might be best? Of course you need a therapist familiar with gender issues... It's the perfect crime. :icon_cool:
I think you have the best approach to bringing your mom around. Just keep at it. You're doing it right. :D
Mom still comes back with wanting me to slow down until I'm sure this is right, as if I'm doing this on a whim. I tell her there is no doubt. *shrug* Or she tries to find a specific incident that caused it. Last weekend she tried to get me to admit that if I just found the right girl and fell in love I'd put a stop to transition. I think I finally got it through that it won't work that way, but it took a lot of circling around the facts until it sunk in.
You're doing great, brother. I'm here cheering you on. :icon_joy: :icon_yes: :icon_clap: :eusa_dance:
much love,
-maggie
I think maybe you can admit she's almost right when she says it's because you're depressed and hate yourself. Then you just walk it back and explain the connection goes in the other direction. That's how I've been trying to present it anyway, the dysphoria as cause of all the dark and horrible thoughts that followed... Trying to get the idea through that not addressing the main issue will send me right back in to the land of darkness seems to work. Maybe you could appear to give in just a little and admit that seeing a therapist might be best? Of course you need a therapist familiar with gender issues... It's the perfect crime. :icon_cool:
I think you have the best approach to bringing your mom around. Just keep at it. You're doing it right. :D
Mom still comes back with wanting me to slow down until I'm sure this is right, as if I'm doing this on a whim. I tell her there is no doubt. *shrug* Or she tries to find a specific incident that caused it. Last weekend she tried to get me to admit that if I just found the right girl and fell in love I'd put a stop to transition. I think I finally got it through that it won't work that way, but it took a lot of circling around the facts until it sunk in.
You're doing great, brother. I'm here cheering you on. :icon_joy: :icon_yes: :icon_clap: :eusa_dance:
much love,
-maggie
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: KabitTarah on November 27, 2013, 04:18:22 AM
Post by: KabitTarah on November 27, 2013, 04:18:22 AM
Quote from: ~Kai on November 27, 2013, 12:30:18 AM
Am I gonna have to worry about getting into fights a lot as a guy? XD
My least favorite part of being a man is when gentlemen come up to you and say "what about a bout of fisticuffs, good sir?"
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fgartic.uol.com.br%2Fimgs%2Fmural%2F_c%2F_casper%2Ffeel-like-a-sir.png&hash=c37df8a973b98bbb1ee9f4ee9ff3d49c704fb1c5)
happens all the time. ;D
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on November 27, 2013, 08:35:05 AM
Post by: Claire (formerly Magdalena) on November 27, 2013, 08:35:05 AM
You made my morning, Tarah. :icon_tenisclap:
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Eva Marie on November 27, 2013, 09:05:46 AM
Post by: Eva Marie on November 27, 2013, 09:05:46 AM
First of all congrats on the coming out, sounds like it went well and it's behind you now.
I think that your mom is doing two things here. The first one is she is projecting her wants and desires onto you. All parents do that to some degree and as her child you must stake out your own independence, make your own way. I know that as a father I did some of that and my kids didn't listen to me and just went their own way..... and honestly they are doing quite well. We raise them in the hopes that they will become independent and then we are surprised when they do just that :laugh:
The second thing that I think that she is doing is mourning the loss of her child. There are many ways to mourn and anger can be one of them. Her snappish remarks make me think that anger is where she is right now. The best way to deal with that is to stay calm, be understanding, and show her that this is the correct path for you and that you are living a successful life in spite of her warnings about doom and gloom. I heard many of the same things from my wife before she left me, dire warnings about how bad of a "decision" this was for me and so on. Don't pay attention to any of that, you are the one that has to live in your shoes, and you should get to life the way you see fit. She hasn't made great choices in her own life so maybe she's not the best judge of what is right for you.
As far as fighting - sure, if you intend to work as a stevedore down on the docks then you might brush up on your fighting skills. I'm 51 years old and there were very few times that people wanted to fight me and most of them happened back in school. I used my brain to avoid most fights - just use your common sense and stay out of situations that might lead to fighting, situations where alcohol is involved and emotions run high. Leave if you sense trouble brewing. Don't look other guys straight into the eyes; that's challenging.
And if you find yourself challenged by somebody just fight with your brain and think of ways to defuse the situation. Often an apology will do the trick even if you did nothing wrong, followed by an offer to buy them another drink. A lot of guys want to bluster to keep up their man cred, but its a rare one that is willing to go to the mat. You'll learn to recognize that type pretty quickly and avoid them.
Take care
~Eva
I think that your mom is doing two things here. The first one is she is projecting her wants and desires onto you. All parents do that to some degree and as her child you must stake out your own independence, make your own way. I know that as a father I did some of that and my kids didn't listen to me and just went their own way..... and honestly they are doing quite well. We raise them in the hopes that they will become independent and then we are surprised when they do just that :laugh:
The second thing that I think that she is doing is mourning the loss of her child. There are many ways to mourn and anger can be one of them. Her snappish remarks make me think that anger is where she is right now. The best way to deal with that is to stay calm, be understanding, and show her that this is the correct path for you and that you are living a successful life in spite of her warnings about doom and gloom. I heard many of the same things from my wife before she left me, dire warnings about how bad of a "decision" this was for me and so on. Don't pay attention to any of that, you are the one that has to live in your shoes, and you should get to life the way you see fit. She hasn't made great choices in her own life so maybe she's not the best judge of what is right for you.
As far as fighting - sure, if you intend to work as a stevedore down on the docks then you might brush up on your fighting skills. I'm 51 years old and there were very few times that people wanted to fight me and most of them happened back in school. I used my brain to avoid most fights - just use your common sense and stay out of situations that might lead to fighting, situations where alcohol is involved and emotions run high. Leave if you sense trouble brewing. Don't look other guys straight into the eyes; that's challenging.
And if you find yourself challenged by somebody just fight with your brain and think of ways to defuse the situation. Often an apology will do the trick even if you did nothing wrong, followed by an offer to buy them another drink. A lot of guys want to bluster to keep up their man cred, but its a rare one that is willing to go to the mat. You'll learn to recognize that type pretty quickly and avoid them.
Take care
~Eva
Title: Re: Kinda funny coming out story XP
Post by: Felice Aislin on November 30, 2013, 06:22:40 PM
Post by: Felice Aislin on November 30, 2013, 06:22:40 PM
My spouse's mom and yours must be on the same wavelength...what's up with telling your kid they are/will be ugly and no one will want them?!?!?! ???
(Just have to insert here that is a complete and spurious lie, don't you believe this about yourself for a second. Whoever gets to love you in your life will be a lucky person indeed, because of who you are, period, and if they are worth you, they would find such an idea about you offensive, and someday be so glad that you didn't listen to that nonsense.)
Enough to make li'l ol' me want to challenge someone to a bout of fisticuffs.
Then my amazing spouse shows the most humbling love and patience for their mom, and I feel all chagrined, because as hard as it is for me, it has to be harder for my spouse. How do they manage to be such a saint?
I then remember that as stupid as it is (o.k., still working on the anger), they are trying to "save you" from something they really just don't understand and are terrified of, and it all really stems from the love they have for you, as messed up and misguided as it is. This is hard for them, too, and we all will do better the more love and patience and forgiveness prevails, which creates fertile ground for opening hearts up for understanding.
I've found Eva's right on the mark,
"The best way to deal with that is to stay calm, be understanding, and show her that this is the correct path for you and that you are living a successful life in spite of her warnings of doom and gloom."
(I think I need to keep that quote handy to help me stay centered and calm when thinking about all of this in regards to my mother-in-law....put down the fists...don't turn all gremlin...)
I should know better...that's basically the drill I went through as a teen with my parents when they didn't like my choices on religious beliefs. It took time for them. Show love and patience and eventually they come around. They had to see that this was the path I was choosing, no chance of changing that, and that it didn't turn out all bad like they feared. This subject is so much more emotional for me than that was, though, because I know how much their support and/or lack of it means to my spouse. I will re-read Eva Marie's quote, and try to get my zen on. =D
Hugs to you. I know this is so hard on you. Maybe the next time your mom says something crazy hurtful like that, say, "Mom!" give her a hug, look her in the eyes, and tell her you know this is hard on her, and hard for her to understand, but you want her to know you love her no matter what. That will come a little out of left field, and that will be good.
You can leave it at that, or if she asks you what all that is about, you can say you know she is afraid for you, and that is where those comments about you being ugly and never finding a partner, etc. are coming from. Apologize again that this is so hard and scary for her. You can say this is scary for you too, and you can't guarantee anything about the future, but you do know this is what you need to do, and you understand if that is too hard for her to accept or understand right now. You just want her to know you love her & always will.
Your calmness and maturity & positive response, especially if kept up long term, will eventually find a crack in her defenses and get her to think a bit, question her reaction.
At least that's the theory.
Good luck, and anytime you need to vent before you can get your zen on, know we are here for you. (hug)
(Just have to insert here that is a complete and spurious lie, don't you believe this about yourself for a second. Whoever gets to love you in your life will be a lucky person indeed, because of who you are, period, and if they are worth you, they would find such an idea about you offensive, and someday be so glad that you didn't listen to that nonsense.)
Enough to make li'l ol' me want to challenge someone to a bout of fisticuffs.
Then my amazing spouse shows the most humbling love and patience for their mom, and I feel all chagrined, because as hard as it is for me, it has to be harder for my spouse. How do they manage to be such a saint?
I then remember that as stupid as it is (o.k., still working on the anger), they are trying to "save you" from something they really just don't understand and are terrified of, and it all really stems from the love they have for you, as messed up and misguided as it is. This is hard for them, too, and we all will do better the more love and patience and forgiveness prevails, which creates fertile ground for opening hearts up for understanding.
I've found Eva's right on the mark,
"The best way to deal with that is to stay calm, be understanding, and show her that this is the correct path for you and that you are living a successful life in spite of her warnings of doom and gloom."
(I think I need to keep that quote handy to help me stay centered and calm when thinking about all of this in regards to my mother-in-law....put down the fists...don't turn all gremlin...)
I should know better...that's basically the drill I went through as a teen with my parents when they didn't like my choices on religious beliefs. It took time for them. Show love and patience and eventually they come around. They had to see that this was the path I was choosing, no chance of changing that, and that it didn't turn out all bad like they feared. This subject is so much more emotional for me than that was, though, because I know how much their support and/or lack of it means to my spouse. I will re-read Eva Marie's quote, and try to get my zen on. =D
Hugs to you. I know this is so hard on you. Maybe the next time your mom says something crazy hurtful like that, say, "Mom!" give her a hug, look her in the eyes, and tell her you know this is hard on her, and hard for her to understand, but you want her to know you love her no matter what. That will come a little out of left field, and that will be good.
You can leave it at that, or if she asks you what all that is about, you can say you know she is afraid for you, and that is where those comments about you being ugly and never finding a partner, etc. are coming from. Apologize again that this is so hard and scary for her. You can say this is scary for you too, and you can't guarantee anything about the future, but you do know this is what you need to do, and you understand if that is too hard for her to accept or understand right now. You just want her to know you love her & always will.
Your calmness and maturity & positive response, especially if kept up long term, will eventually find a crack in her defenses and get her to think a bit, question her reaction.
At least that's the theory.
Good luck, and anytime you need to vent before you can get your zen on, know we are here for you. (hug)