Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Wynternight on November 12, 2013, 11:45:47 PM Return to Full Version
Title: How Do I Go On?
Post by: Wynternight on November 12, 2013, 11:45:47 PM
Post by: Wynternight on November 12, 2013, 11:45:47 PM
I don't know how anymore. How to keep going on when life tells me, on a daily basis, that I'm just not good enough for anyone. What's the gods damned point in continuing when all I feel like is a ->-bleeped-<- freak that just isn't good enough? I'm OK to be a friend, OK for a night of fun, good to go do when someone needs money or a shoulder to cry on but when I need any of the above I don't get them. What's the point in going on?
Title: Re: How Do I Go On?
Post by: Beth Andrea on November 12, 2013, 11:50:05 PM
Post by: Beth Andrea on November 12, 2013, 11:50:05 PM
*hugs*
One should carry on if for no other reason than to frustrate people who think you're not good enough.
And the definition of "being used" is giving, giving, giving...but not getting anything when needed. Don't be used anymore. Value your time; you don't have to be friends with, or support, people who won't give you the time of day.
Live for yourself, and no one else. Once you secure your life, you'll be in a position to share with another who deserves your love.
*more hugs*
One should carry on if for no other reason than to frustrate people who think you're not good enough.
And the definition of "being used" is giving, giving, giving...but not getting anything when needed. Don't be used anymore. Value your time; you don't have to be friends with, or support, people who won't give you the time of day.
Live for yourself, and no one else. Once you secure your life, you'll be in a position to share with another who deserves your love.
*more hugs*
Title: Re: How Do I Go On?
Post by: MadelineB on November 13, 2013, 12:15:26 AM
Post by: MadelineB on November 13, 2013, 12:15:26 AM
Listen to Beth. We can put so much of our energy, emotion, and resources into people who don't give back. We are free to stop doing that.
Paradoxically, it is when we are ok with being alone rather than being used, that we can actually attract and find people who are worthy of our love and attention.
Learn to be your own best friend, and other great friends will follow.
Paradoxically, it is when we are ok with being alone rather than being used, that we can actually attract and find people who are worthy of our love and attention.
Learn to be your own best friend, and other great friends will follow.
Title: Re: How Do I Go On?
Post by: Cindy on November 13, 2013, 12:22:26 AM
Post by: Cindy on November 13, 2013, 12:22:26 AM
The most important girl is the one in the mirror. Be proud and be kind to yourself, the rest will find you when you are happy and have the 'twinkle' in your eyes.
Hugs
Hugs
Title: Re: How Do I Go On?
Post by: Gina Taylor on November 13, 2013, 01:09:48 AM
Post by: Gina Taylor on November 13, 2013, 01:09:48 AM
I couldn't agree more with Beth, Madeline and Cindy. I use to have some friends that always needed things and when I stopped giving so much they disappeared quickly. Really showed me how much they valued my friendship. Take stock of your life and find out who you're real friends are. :)
Title: Re: How Do I Go On?
Post by: Jennygirl on November 13, 2013, 03:07:23 AM
Post by: Jennygirl on November 13, 2013, 03:07:23 AM
It's easy to get hung up on not being good enough and end up feeling alone. There are so many people who battle this same feeling for completely non-trans related reasons. Heck, it even happens because of the weather (have you ever read about S.A.D. (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195/DSECTION=symptoms)?)
The quicker you can divert that energy into something good, the better it will be for your own peace of mind. You could put it into anything... your job, or maybe a hobby, or art. There needn't be much thinking about what to do, just put it into action using those negative emotions to your benefit. The term in psychology is called Sublimation (http://www.drcoryalfers.com/sublimation-psychology/). To some degree, everyone sublimates as we conquer challenges or get through hard times- and we grow. You could channel it into a direct solution, activity, or even by giving acts (but maybe stay away from that one for a little while). Sometimes we can spontaneously channel the emotion and bypass the bad feeling altogether, and that is true sublimation. It's one of the most useful things I ever learned about, and I hope it can be of use to you too.
Seriously though (as silly as this may sound), make sure it's not because of the weather. I've definitely been having to adjust to it, and several of my roommates are kinda down, too, at the moment. Nobody seems to believe me that it could be weather related. It's a real thing!
"Channel it" ;)
The quicker you can divert that energy into something good, the better it will be for your own peace of mind. You could put it into anything... your job, or maybe a hobby, or art. There needn't be much thinking about what to do, just put it into action using those negative emotions to your benefit. The term in psychology is called Sublimation (http://www.drcoryalfers.com/sublimation-psychology/). To some degree, everyone sublimates as we conquer challenges or get through hard times- and we grow. You could channel it into a direct solution, activity, or even by giving acts (but maybe stay away from that one for a little while). Sometimes we can spontaneously channel the emotion and bypass the bad feeling altogether, and that is true sublimation. It's one of the most useful things I ever learned about, and I hope it can be of use to you too.
Seriously though (as silly as this may sound), make sure it's not because of the weather. I've definitely been having to adjust to it, and several of my roommates are kinda down, too, at the moment. Nobody seems to believe me that it could be weather related. It's a real thing!
"Channel it" ;)
Title: Re: How Do I Go On?
Post by: Robin Mack on November 13, 2013, 01:00:44 PM
Post by: Robin Mack on November 13, 2013, 01:00:44 PM
*hug* The most important thing I can try to communicate is to push through this... things really do get better, over time. Take time for *you*. Find activities that make *you* feel happy, or at least better. This is *your* life, and if people are using you without giving you anything back in return, it is time to surround yourself with better people.
I went through this too... I had to become a hermit for a while, severing ties, restoring my spirit, and realizing that I deserve to be happy, that my time and energy has a value. When I felt strong enough, I began to reach out again. I had to learn to (gently) brush off the people who used me and embrace the people who cared about me. It helped, caring about myself. It was easier to spot the difference.
*hug*
I went through this too... I had to become a hermit for a while, severing ties, restoring my spirit, and realizing that I deserve to be happy, that my time and energy has a value. When I felt strong enough, I began to reach out again. I had to learn to (gently) brush off the people who used me and embrace the people who cared about me. It helped, caring about myself. It was easier to spot the difference.
*hug*
Title: Re: How Do I Go On?
Post by: Rachel on November 13, 2013, 05:03:19 PM
Post by: Rachel on November 13, 2013, 05:03:19 PM
Hugs, I agree with others who have posted; you are of great value and have been used.
I have felt as you, some times, and I think it is normal to question your worth ( Trans or not). What you have said happened to cis people too.
If I feel down or if I need to be picked up, I help another person. I work in a big city and I can find someone to help in 2 minutes.
I have felt as you, some times, and I think it is normal to question your worth ( Trans or not). What you have said happened to cis people too.
If I feel down or if I need to be picked up, I help another person. I work in a big city and I can find someone to help in 2 minutes.