Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Do you family except you in your present role? I still have had some problems recently with one family member and I started my transition more than 12 years ago. My brother recently sent me a specialist birthday card that reads in great big letters on the front 'On your birthday Brother', that really hurt me so much.

It seems every family has at least one or two jerks.  Don't let it get you down, he sent it to annoy you.  If you think about it, he has achieved his intention.  Perhaps you should just send him a "Happy Birthday Sister" card on his birthday and forget about it.

Most of the important ones do.  ;D I have an issue with my mother and probably will always have. She said that she didn't expect this when she brought me into the world. I said, Ford may have made your car but they didn't tell you where or how to drive it. It can be difficult for the family and friends. They have 2 options. Life, or what is left of it, is waaaay too short. Good luck.....

I'm sorry your brother is acting like a jerk.

I've been very lucky - no problems at all. It took my parents a while to get the name and pronouns straight, but they were supportive from the beginning; my sister was actually excited for me and really happy to have a sister, which shocked me. I even went to see my elderly grandparents and extended family this summer, and my grandfather kept calling my wife and me "the girls." :)

(My wife's family, on the other hand, disowned her when she said she'd stay with me. Her mother said it was divorce or they'd never speak to her again. But they were kind of nuts anyway.)

I'd have shredded that card and laughed about it.

My mother and all but 1 of my brothers have accepted me as my new role. They slip on the pronouns on a slight occasion, but they genuinely do treat me as a female. My mom even got me a birthday card that says "daughter" on it. I'm keeping it in my room as decoration and will probably never take it down.

In my present state, my family seems to be in a slow acceptance phase. I have no idea how things will play out long term once I've been on hormones for a while.

My family does accept me, and even though I still live my everyday life around them as male, they see me changing more like a woman and have started shifting over to treating more like a woman in the family. for example, last june, my mother gave me a pink cake and a lovely heart necklace. Another example was earlier this month, my aunt who I was worried about not understanding, gave be a lot of jewelry with a card with my new name on it, and in the card wrote, "It's all about the accessories girlfriend... Love aunt "her name".

I'm doing pretty poor on the acceptance front. But looking at it another way, they've only known for a few weeks. I've known most of my life. My anger, bitterness and disappointment is fading away.  Theirs is new. So I understand. I understand how they feel. I'm still hurt by it all. Only one really talks to me, but I understand. Only time will tell if they will change. It's their loss. I'll move on and be happy for once. Hopefully, they'll want to be along with me too.

my dad and alot of his family do (the afro cuban side) but on my moms side of the family (white russians) only my grand parents and some cousins do. my mom always despised me and only had me to trap my dad and my siblings that are female dont like me either.
its all cool though. im sure your family will level out and everything will be chill at some point  :D

Not yet. They accept that I am 35 and capable of making my own decisions. They do not agree with those decisions. I don't think they understand the difference between 'need' and 'want.' It's early, though. I don't know if they'll ever accept me, but they will probably tolerate me and some will come to accept it, if not all.

I'm not too popular with the family right now... and they're not too popular with me. Basically everything about them triggers me... but then basically everything triggers my dysphoria now. (I couldn't even get through a cowboy movie :P)

Yeah, all of them. I came out like a year ago and they all use correct pronouns and name, even the extended family members, and try to help me with transition.

I haven't talk to my family in 20 years because of an unrelated issue. My brother wouldn't care because he's gay unless he's got something against trans genders. My sisters might not care because they've Known since I was 4 that I dressed in female cloths. My nieces and nephews Don't Know I don't know How they would feel if they knew.  one niece  I communicate with would except me.

My parents and my niece do. My 2 brothers and sister do not. It's been well over 25 years since I've seen them or talked to them.  I've cried enough about this and now I just get on with my life. To me they no longer exist and I'll never forgive them.

My family has accepted me unconditionally. My sister always wanted a sister, and now we do everything together. They rest of my family likes me better, as I'm more comfortable, and easy going than I was. Even my  four year old nephew meets me at the door with 'Hi, Aunt Paula!'
Coming out to my family seemed SO difficult, but turned out easy.

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on November 16, 2013, 09:04:44 AM
Do you family except you in your present role? I still have had some problems recently with one family member and I started my transition more than 12 years ago. My brother recently sent me a specialist birthday card that reads in great big letters on the front 'On your birthday Brother', that really hurt me so much.

Just tell him that you are so happy Mum and Dad adopted him.   ;)

Wife, yes she accepts me, as long as she doesn't have to see me or otherwise interact with me. But she is respectful.

Sons...one does, one doesn't. (He's not hostile though, just appears indifferent).

Daughter, yes. Even better: her two-year old daughter accepts me 110%. I showed up this past Friday to visit, wearing my new dress I'd made...the door opened, granddaughter saw me, and said, "Oooh! Pretty!"

^-^

What a little sweetheart.

I was adopted so sometimes I wonder if maybe it's easier for my family to accept it. Overall, they've been fine with it, except for my brother-in-law. It told my oldest sister first, and she was very accepting. But then I told her husband, whom I had always thought was pretty cool and down-to-Earth when I was a kid. He simply didn't approve, but it didn't end there. When his daughter got married a year or two after that, he got sloshed at the reception and had an awkward drunken conversation with me on the ride back to the hotel. He urged me to tell my parents. Not sure why that of all things was on his mind at the time, but it was. Recently, he's made comments like "I just can't believe he has boobs now, I'm not sure I can handle that!" Note this was well before I started HRT. It got back to my mom who relayed it to me. And then last year they were down here at their time-share condo and my parents went and saw them. I was living in the same city but my mom urged me not to go because it might cause drama and she wanted to protect me. Then last Christmas I got a heavily-religious card and no money, despite the fact that they're well off and most other years have sent me money or a gift card. I'm assuming it was my brother-in-law's idea. I try to shrug it off but it still sucks. And what bothers me most is that it not only bothers him, but he actually thinks about it from time to time. I rarely saw or interacted with him in my teens and onward, so I'm barely in his life as it is, and yet he dwells on it. :/

Anyway, after I told my oldest sister I told my other sister and she seemed enthusiastic about it. I haven't talked to her much since (I keep in touch with my siblings through my mom) but I saw her recently and even though we didn't talk about it, she seemed to skirt around it and seemed generally supportive. My oldest sister had talked to her and told me that she was excited to have a younger sister like she always wanted. :) And then there's my parents... I was so afraid to tell them, but once I was stable enough to live on my own and far away from them I sent my mom an email explaining everything. Surprisingly she was supportive! And she apologized for not seeing how hurt I was as a kid. She told my dad after some time, once she got up the nerve, and he seems accepting but hasn't really talked about it. I'm currently living with my parents while I save up to move next year, and they're helping me get to my appointments and whatnot and my mom asks me occasionally about how I'm feeling to make sure I'm handling the hormones alright. Still haven't told my brothers and I may never tell them, but my nephew is coming for Thanksgiving so if I tell him, he'll be the first male in the family that I've directly told since my brother-in-law. Hoping it'll go better...

I have a 1/2 brother that seems like your brother. I do not need him & I told him so point blank. That was 2 years ago & good riddance as they say.

Take care & good luck, girl friend

Dylan, (one of my five brothers, the others don't know yet) does while my mother seems more confused than anything.  I'm not sure, I guess I'll find out when I visit for Christmas..

Noooooooooooo

Only my mother fully accepts me. Nobody else talks to me any more.

Honestly I want to think they are but the the constant use of the wrong name and pronouns plus my dad say he wishes I'd go back to being a "boy" again even though mum does call me sweetheart, buys me female attire etc. I want my daddy to think of me as his daughter soo much but I know the reality and I'm just going to have to live with it. xx

I had a strange outcome to coming out,my laid back Dad took a long time to come round,my Mum who held very racist & homophobic views accepted me straight away as did my sister who was very religious at the time. I've since met with several cousins & 2 Uncles and an Aunt who were all great.My other cousin was far too refined to ever have anything to do with an oik like me and I haven't seen her for 30 years, she always thought she was a step up from the rest of the family. My ex brother in law never really approved but hasn't the balls to say so to my face at my nephews wedding I saw him sat with his church buddies looking down his nose at me  a horrid little man who cheated on my sister used her for a punch bag and then left her to bring up 5 kids before leaving his second wife with a Downs syndrome daughter!My sister is bi like me,cousins Harry & Mike are gay & cousin Joe is a TV so they've all had plenty time to get used to people with a difference!

I Don't know if my family accepts me, I know they know, but no one talks about it. My mother keeps me saying to stop act like woman. I like to take shower a lot of times during the day, also I use base for my nails , so, she definetely knows that my actions are in a feminine way.

Also I've lived the last 10 years alone, no girls, never going out... so, it's pretty obvious that something doesn't fits, but i'm not that stupid, I can feel in the air that she knows. My sisters knows about the clothes I hide, I always take photos and send to them, they know since the beggining, and I believe my mother also knows, she just won't accept it.

Even my nieces knows about it, I did told them recently before break relation with my sister and her 2 daughters, (my 2 nieces) - "Gaby 12", "Michelle 17"

My old sister, who still lives with me and my mother, she knows and she said that she would do everything to support me, but sometimes, she hurt me by saying things like... stop that, asking me to hide the clothes, and that makes me feel sad.

So, I guess I'm alone in this path...
And at my lonely room, I cry...  It's sad! too bad!
My depression makes me think about end my life, maybe one day, cause' now I'll live my dream.

My mother does the rest of my family doesn't know. I'm not in contact with them so I could careless if they did or didn't.

My mothers acceptance is the only one that matters to me.

My mom is my #1 fan. We're closer than we've ever been now. She can really see just how happy this whole thing is making me, and she's been 100% behind me since day 1, actually crying tears of happiness a few times because for the first time since I was 14 years old I was smiling again.

My uncle has suddenly become like my bodyguard, constantly making sure that I'm okay, constantly checking up on me, and always reminding me that he's only an 8-hour drive away if I need support.

My dad, unfortunately, is still trying to convince me that I'm not trans, I'm just taking a sexual fantasy too far. (Because as we all know, just because he sometimes imagines being a woman purely as a sexual turn-on, that automatically means that it's the same for everyone else... :/) and he's constantly explaining away all of the positive mental benefits I've gotten from transition. He's technically okay with it as long as it really is what I want, but I can tell that he's really not happy about it. (I do admittedly feel pretty guilty, because he seemed to take great pride in introducing me to other people by saying "this is my boy" in a prideful way.)

And finally, my aunt is another person that I'm closer to than ever recently, and she's supportive, and we've been talking more and on a deeper level than ever before.

That's all the family that I've got. I guess I can't complain. 3/4 openly supporting me with 0/4 outright rejecting me isn't too bad.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on November 17, 2013, 06:03:39 AM
My mom is my #1 fan. We're closer than we've ever been now. She can really see just how happy this whole thing is making me, and she's been 100% behind me since day 1, actually crying tears of happiness a few times because for the first time since I was 14 years old I was smiling again.

My uncle has suddenly become like my bodyguard, constantly making sure that I'm okay, constantly checking up on me, and always reminding me that he's only an 8-hour drive away if I need support.

My dad, unfortunately, is still trying to convince me that I'm not trans, I'm just taking a sexual fantasy too far. (Because as we all know, just because he sometimes imagines being a woman purely as a sexual turn-on, that automatically means that it's the same for everyone else... :/) and he's constantly explaining away all of the positive mental benefits I've gotten from transition. He's technically okay with it as long as it really is what I want, but I can tell that he's really not happy about it. (I do admittedly feel pretty guilty, because he seemed to take great pride in introducing me to other people by saying "this is my boy" in a prideful way.)

And finally, my aunt is another person that I'm closer to than ever recently, and she's supportive, and we've been talking more and on a deeper level than ever before.

That's all the family that I've got. I guess I can't complain. 3/4 openly supporting me with 0/4 outright rejecting me isn't too bad.

You are pretty good with all the support you have, wish I can get the same positive results, so far... I dont even know what's gonna be, but no matter what, i'll cross the line.

By the way, you look stunning. 

Kisses bY Nanda ^^

Quote from: Janae on November 17, 2013, 05:20:18 AM
My mother does the rest of my family doesn't know. I'm not in contact with them so I could careless if they did or didn't.

My mothers acceptance is the only one that matters to me.

If i could have only one person in my family accept me, it would be my mother. Without out her, i would feel so bad, and lost. I could always talk to her and actually talked to her about feeling like a girl in 6th grade. SHe has been very supportive, while giving me space to let me make my own choices. Even now, she loves me all the same an if anything, our bond is even closer than before. :)

It's still too early to tell for me. I want to say they do but every action outside of words of acceptance show's they don't.

My wife and her family were amaaazing.  For a bunch of self-described conservatives, her parents were with me right from the get-go.  For all we knew, we'd be disowned and disinherited by me coming out.  My wife's stepfather is something of a homophobe, but he's kept his piehole shut so far.

My brother and sister are cool with it.  I'm pretty sure my brother is bisexual and lives in an extremely liberal, LGBT city and my sister had a really good friend in high school who is MTF.

My parents were slow to get back to me after coming out.   My mom told me after a couple of days that, "Your father and I discussed the matter and we decided that we're not going to disown you."  Nice, huh?  I was hoping for "We love you very much and just want for you to be happy."  Nope.
They still have yet to address me as Jill or "she/her" after 6 months.  We shall see what happens on Thanksgiving, but my guess is they will try to ignore the elephant in the room.

One of my uncles is not so keen on it, and I suspect that I am dead to him now.  Oh well.  I guess I did OK in the family department overall though, and I am grateful for every one of my relatives who doesn't regularly view the inside of their own colon.

I have found acceptance in my family. They are accepting of their "new" daughter. Honestly they are rather ignorant when it come to almost everything transgender and still use male pronouns and my birth name as 13.5 months later they're still growing used to me. They have definitely been making an effort to educate themselves and come to some group meetings with me. Also they have been very cool and been paying for my therapy, doctor visits and medications as I am still in school and currently jobless. I'm happy that they have been more than will to provide me with such support.

My mother is weirded out about it, I haven't told my father, and I don't really plan on telling anyone. My brother found out on facebook, and sent me a message saying: "I'm not playing this game. Straighten up or ship out, sir."

So I told him to eff off, and now he's probably telling my dad. Whatever... I'm so done with the "family."

Quote from: Carrie Liz on November 17, 2013, 06:03:39 AM
My mom is my #1 fan. We're closer than we've ever been now. She can really see just how happy this whole thing is making me, and she's been 100% behind me since day 1, actually crying tears of happiness a few times because for the first time since I was 14 years old I was smiling again.

My uncle has suddenly become like my bodyguard, constantly making sure that I'm okay, constantly checking up on me, and always reminding me that he's only an 8-hour drive away if I need support.

My dad, unfortunately, is still trying to convince me that I'm not trans, I'm just taking a sexual fantasy too far. (Because as we all know, just because he sometimes imagines being a woman purely as a sexual turn-on, that automatically means that it's the same for everyone else... :/) and he's constantly explaining away all of the positive mental benefits I've gotten from transition. He's technically okay with it as long as it really is what I want, but I can tell that he's really not happy about it. (I do admittedly feel pretty guilty, because he seemed to take great pride in introducing me to other people by saying "this is my boy" in a prideful way.)

And finally, my aunt is another person that I'm closer to than ever recently, and she's supportive, and we've been talking more and on a deeper level than ever before.

That's all the family that I've got. I guess I can't complain. 3/4 openly supporting me with 0/4 outright rejecting me isn't too bad.

Wow Carrie I'm so happy that things have work out so well :). Having your family's full acceptance and support is a rare thing for sure. I'm still hopeful mine will turn around eventually  :)

You are such a beautiful soul inside and out and I hope things just get even better for you as time goes along xx

My adopted folks didn't, especially my mom. I think my dad would have but mom wouldn't allow it. They sure had lots of time to adjust to the idea because I was showing signs from early childhood and was in open rebellion from puberty onward. HRT happened without parental consent and when SRS finally became available (1974) I got thrown out and disowned over it. I hardly ever saw them again. They are both dead now. It's a shame they couldn't have accepted me because I became the kind of person they could have been very proud of.

Strangely, when I was 40 I tracked down my birth mother and she hardly missed a beat. "You're mine regardless and I will always love you." was her feeling. I was a deep dark secret though; nobody but her husband knew I existed so we didn't get to spend much time together. She passed away nearly 3 years ago.

But life always has surprises in store!

Two years ago I was contacted by an uncle. They had found out I existed and sought me out - they wanted me to be part of the family! I now have a whole family, aunts, uncles, cousins, and they have all been wonderfully welcoming.

You just never know .......  ;D

My brothers (I have 4 of them!) accept me 100% I feel incredibly lucky. I haven't really told my parents about me being trans, only hints here and there. I really only care about how my siblings feel and they were great. They actually encouraged me and there was nothing "weird" about it at all to them. I feel like the luckiest girl alive!

Terrible day for me, older nice relatives had a death in their family. I had to go to a funeral & go in male mode. Hated every minute of it dressed as a male. However there is no way 80 year old relatives will understand that I'm correcting/or changing genders. They have always known & see me as a male.

What a mess?????

I finally had a talk with my parents and it went amazingly well. Other than occasional brief conversations about the hormones, laser sessions, or name change stuff, we hadn't really discussed it aside from initial emails when I came out to them last year. It was more between my mom and I, but my dad listened in too and spoke up occasionally. They seem fine with it, and are merely just concerned that it'll be a hard path for me to take. But it's hard either way so.. ::) My mom also strongly believes there's a biological basis to it and that if we could see the medical histories of my birth families, that we'd probably find another trans family member. I'm not entirely sure it works that way but it was still nice that she doesn't think it's a choice. Then they both related stories of transgendered people that they knew, almost like "I have a gay friend" stories. xD We talked about clothes and body stuff, and I went on about the changes they should expect, and none of it seemed to bother them. :) And when I discussed changing my name, I decided to leave picking my middle name to my mom so she could have a part and say in all of this. She had an amused look and said it was an interesting idea, and that she'd try to think of one. Makes me feel a lot more confident and less worried about the next steps of my transition. ^__^

I have recent news on this front.

My parents are starting to understand my need. They will accept and want to support me as much as possible.

My BIL does not accept what I'm going through. He doesn't want his kids to see me transition (or after I've transitioned)... he's fine until some unknown point where that starts. Hopefully his tune will change when I'm further along. My sister I thought supported, but she appears to be letting her husband do the talking. It may be time to talk to her... but I have no idea how to go with that.

My brother and his wife support me and are there for me. ♥

I was very lucky in that my family accepted me unconditionally when I came out to them, my parents even going as far as helping me decide on what name would suit me!

My parents then began letting other family members know, so they wouldn't be shocked when I starting changing things. I have had amazing reactions from everyone, my Grandmother being someone I have talked deeply with about my feelings on numerous occasions now.

I tell my parents some of the horror stories that people on here go through with their families and at one point my mum broke down in tears and said "how can anyone turn their back on their own child? It jus makes me want to give them all a hug and tell them how important they are"

Obviously being trans sucks for me, just like it does for everyone else, but I think I got off lightly on the family front

Quote from: FrancisAnn on November 16, 2013, 08:05:00 PM
I have a 1/2 brother that seems like your brother. I do not need him & I told him so point blank. That was 2 years ago & good riddance as they say.

Take care & good luck, girl friend

My brother is also my 1/2 brother. He has known about my transition for over a decade.

Everyone but my dad and his GF.   They do not understand the difference between need and want.   He cannot accept that this isnt something im choosing as much as its choosing me and not going to go away.  They dont understand that if their were a choice, it would be choosing between a casket and being a girl.

Everyone else has gone out of their way to be supportive though.