Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've noticed ,even though I've only seen a small percentage of people associated with Susan's place, that there is a greater majority of mtf that prefer woman. I mean absolutely no disrespect for anyone choices .I'm just curious. I myself probably should confess I enjoy both, but I do put more emphasis  on fantasizing being with men. I was just wondering if any one has notice this or is just that I found Susan's place a not too long ago and I don't see the whole spectrum. Please, not to be taken in any way other than curiosity

For starters, women are safer.  I mean TBH  no matter who i sleep with(cause i kinda like guys too), on an emotional level, i find a deeper emotional connection with a woman.  Hormones may however change this.

I would be lying if I said I never more then once fantasized about being a woman and falling for a guy. However woman are what excite me, who I enjoy talking with regardless of the conversation.

Sure I have male friends, but I have a hard time visualizing a relationship with a guy. Then again what do I know I haven't been in a "real" relationship since middle school.

I wish I was gay sometimes ... men can be difficult, really really difficult. And heartbreaking. And insensitive. And dangerous. And selfish. And ... lol

But I like what I like. I guess that applies for the lesbians here as well.. that they like what they like :)

Nothing wrong with it, but I have noticed this trend myself.  Who knows why that's the case, but I think it's not too different than the general population.  There are a lot of straight people who are more open then they claim as it is hard to find the appropriate label.  For example, I consider myself to be straight as I only want to date men, but I do acknowledge that are girls out there that I think are attractive.  It just stops there for me because I really don't want to date or be intimate with another girl romantically or physically.  Maybe bicurious is a better term?  Still, I find straight to be the most appropriate label for me because of my romantic and physical inclinations. See, labels are tricky and I know plenty of straight women and men who are just like me in this regard.  And given the fact that transgender people are more open to the lgbt community and more likely to be educated on lgbt issues, we may be more vocal about our preferences than the general public. 

Having said all that, my exposure to the trans community (here and in other avenues) has been that most lean somewhere in the middle rather than on either extreme.  I wouldn't assume any statistical significance on this as it is just my experience, but the majority I have run into are bi, then I'd say gay and then straight.  Just what I have seen. 

If I've had noodles I want rice next time.

I go for both but there is one good thing about being with another woman....if yall are the same size yalls wardrobe instantly doubles!! But i will say tho, the real thing feels A LOT better then plastic no matter how much it vibrates.

I think the lesbians around here are just more vocal about it. :P Especially with all these topics talking about men or sexuality or both.

Quote from: Sarah7 on November 24, 2013, 01:39:35 PM
This comes up here periodically. Previous polls here have indicated roughly a 30/30/30/10 split between attracted to women, attracted to men, attracted to both, and attracted to nobody. That's pretty consistent with larger studies of trans women's sexuality. Why the variance from cis women? That isn't really known yet.

Is it really different from cisgendered women? I know an awful lot of bi and lesbian women. A LOT of them. In fact almost every woman I have dated or been friends with. But I don't know that many gay or bi men. Are bi men more secretive about it? Maybe.

That total from the poll also doesn't match studies:

QuoteResearch, such as that done by Walter Bockting at the University of Minnesota, suggests that the breakdown of sexualities among transsexual women is 38% bisexual, 35% attracted to women, and 27% attracted to men. (Star Tribune May 25 2008 "Myths and Facts about Transgender Issues").  Older research had suggested that the majority of transsexual women seeking sex reassignment were attracted to men. About half of trans women studied have sexual intercourse with women.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transsexual_sexuality

I would think in the general population that there are more heterosexual people. So then out of that amount some of them are transgendered. That would stand to reason then that there would be a lesser number of men attracted to men who want to be women. I've also often wondered how many gay men want to be a woman because it would be more acceptable to be a hetero woman than a gay man? Studies have been done on this (see the link below).

As for myself, I am gynephilic. I'm only attracted to women. That makes me a straight man and soon to be trans-lesbian. ;)  I would say I'm probably also somewhat autogynephilic ("love of oneself as a woman"). I'm attracted to my own image as a women. But I think that might be common for cisgender women as well. But I do not have paraphillia. Dressing as a woman is not a turn on for me. But who doesn't like to look pretty?  ;D

Here's an interesting article on ->-bleeped-<- and sexual attraction:

admin edit: link not allowed

Blanchard's transsexualism typology:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blanchard's_transsexualism_typology

Quote from: RavenMoon on November 24, 2013, 04:51:35 PM
Is it really different from cisgendered women? I know an awful lot of bi and lesbian women. A LOT of them. In fact almost every woman I have dated or been friends with. But I don't know that many gay or bi men. Are bi men more secretive about it? Maybe.

IDK ... I know WAY more gay men than lesbians. But I think that's just because I live in New Orleans.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on November 24, 2013, 04:56:30 PM
IDK ... I know WAY more gay men than lesbians. But I think that's just because I live in New Orleans.

I'm 30 minutes from NYC. ;) Maybe it's because I have always associated more with women. I hardly ever hang out with men, and the ones I know are mostly straight.

Im all about the guys. i love guys haha
and they are so much easier to read. either they like you or not. if they want to try and hurt you they will try. woman on the other hand from what i see and more dangerous. they play games, keep secrets, plot and make plans on just how to get someone else to hurt you. always been more danger in them from what i have seen. idk thats just me though. I gives 2 tata's up for guys vote  :P

Quote from: Sarah7 on November 24, 2013, 05:22:13 PM
2% other

Great, I'm a minority of a minority. :laugh:

Quote from: Sarah7 on November 24, 2013, 05:22:13 PM
And Blanchard's theory has been entirely discredited.

No, it hasn't. But some feel he overemphasized the  ->-bleeped-<- part.

QuoteI did mean roughly split in thirds, which is supported by that study by Walter Bockting. It also didn't track people who don't ID as bi/straight/lesbian, which is going to cause some inaccuracy. The largest, and imo best, study done to date is: http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/reports/reports/ntds_full.pdf. The sexuality of trans women is reported on page 29 (these are self-identified stats, like pretty much all the studies).

31% bisexual
29% gay/lesbian/same-gender
23% heterosexual
7% queer
7% asexual
2% other

And other studies, like the one listed above show 70% attracted to females if you add together the bi and lesbian part. I've read other studies where it was 50%, and that is alluded to above also.

QuoteThat's with roughly 3000 respondents. The biggest problem with this one is "queer." Which is kind of undefined, and thus doesn't really allow you to neatly categorize those folks. But basically, we are split in thirds between bi/gay/straight with a significant minority of asexuals. More research will eventually give us more information, but for now that's enough to go on.

"Queer", as in "queer gendered" is a ridiculous term IMO. A little too vague. All my gay friends use "queer" interchangeably with "gay."

QuoteSo basically, researchers are still super confused about sexuality and what is actually going on and the studies have yet to fix this.

I don' think they are confused. They do studies, and the studies don't always match up. That's nothing new. And we already know that gender identity (what gender you feel you are) has little to do with sexuality, i.e., who you want to have sex with.

You sound a little biased about the distribution. Personally I was surprised that so many MtF transsexuals end up lesbians. This includes the ones I know personally. 

But as with anything, people are people, and they like who they like. :)

I'll state as good as any poll answer, I am attracted to both, however, I only have a history of sleeping with women. Like any woman who's picky I'll be old and grey waiting for Mr. "Right." I don't expect it'll happen, and therefore I am not waiting.

In full disclosure I have a serious and sexual relationship with a woman and have for the last year. Despite reassurances to each other, going postop soon will present new challenges to that.

In the largest study of transsexuals and sexual identity (over 3,000 trans women), 66 percent, or two-thirds, identified as lesbian. So, it seems it is much more common than trans women who like men. But maybe I just like to be rare like a diamond. But anecdotally it certainly is true.

Quote from: Sarah7 on November 24, 2013, 01:39:35 PM
This comes up here periodically. Previous polls here have indicated roughly a 30/30/30/10 split between attracted to women, attracted to men, attracted to both, and attracted to nobody. That's pretty consistent with larger studies of trans women's sexuality. Why the variance from cis women? That isn't really known yet. It could have something to do with the process that makes us trans in the first place. Or it could be that women are actually a lot more gay than they identify as and we are just more open about it: quite a few studies indicate that plenty of straight-identifying women have had or desire to have sex with another woman, so... That's a thing. It's good to remember that there have been times in human history where to be bisexual was normative rather than heterosexual, and it's not like we've changed biologically since then.

Also, it's probably quite disconcerting for the straight women to feel in a minority here, and sometimes they overestimate the queer population here as a result. Because, well, out in the rest of the world you are used to the overwhelming majority of women being straight. If it makes you feel any better, I get to deal with that disconcerting feeling all the time. So ya.

Thank you for the stats.  I happen to think most every person is naturally bi/pansexual, and they just don't know it!   ;)

Quote from: Joanna Dark on November 24, 2013, 06:35:27 PM
In the largest study of transsexuals and sexual identity (over 3,000 trans women), 66 percent, or two-thirds, identified as lesbian. So, it seems it is much more common than trans women who like men. But maybe I just like to be rare like a diamond. But anecdotally it certainly is true.

Could a large part of this be, many of us were attracted to women for so long before transition that it continued.  Or? People in relationships with women who stayed together after transition?   And were all of them post transition or on HRT.  Ive heard people say their preference flips with hormones.

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on November 24, 2013, 07:34:22 PM
Could a large part of this be, many of us were attracted to women for so long before transition that it continued.  Or? People in relationships with women who stayed together after transition?   And were all of them post transition or on HRT.

I tend to lean more towards this idea. :icon_chick:

Quote from: Ashey on November 24, 2013, 08:05:59 PM
I tend to lean more towards this idea. :icon_chick:

I just say that because, when i first came out, men were a no-go.  I've warmed up to the idea quite a bit thus far, and i might even flip to straight after HRT instead of BI.   I'm really just not sure if ill get past the romantic soft nature of alot of women, ive been more or less attracted to them for the last 28ish years of my life.  I've gotten curious on a time but alot of that i think is just wanting to be treated like a girl.  So i think ill be letting those chips fall where they may after HRT.

I've recently admitted to myself that I'm bi, men are where most of my attraction is but there is some women I'm attracted too not as much as men I'll admit. I will say a lot of men scare me so that may be leading me to think about women more for a relationship. But that's not to say I would just be in a relationship with a woman just because my fear of men. If I do end up with a woman or a man it's because I love that person for who they are and not their gender. ;)

Yeah, Definately. I've been on this site on and off for almost 10 yrs now, and I've seen it alot. It's been hard for me to understand at first, as that is not the case with me, but a good amount of them are. I'm not sure why, but I would guess they would feel more comfortable with other women and have this certain fear or turn off from men from the lives they have lived. Of course, sexuality is naturally different depending on the individual. It all depends.

I really hate admitting it but I've been thinking about men way more than women lately. It's like, I liked women more as a 'guy', but it made more sense then. As a woman, I just.. don't really know how to be a lesbian lol. I think I'd have to have a very dommy woman as a partner for me to be as interested. I mean I've been with one already, but it was a bit awkward and didn't quite work. She was short, I'm tall, and at the time presenting as male even though she usually regarded me as female. So maybe it'd be different going full-time. But I just don't even know lol. Being with a guy though seems a lot more realistic and 'easier' to me, despite my lack of experience with them. If only for the dominance factor.

And as an odd side-note, I've discovered that my sex-drive is probably more cis-female now. xD I now have elaborate fantasies which start well before the sex parts! I've even thought of writing erotica as a release, now that my penis is pretty much dead lol.

"I would say I'm probably also somewhat autogynephilic ('love of oneself as a woman'). I'm attracted to my own image as a women. But I think that might be common for cisgender women as well. But I do not have paraphillia."

The whole concept behind Blanchard's discredited theory is that we (those of us who are MAAB) exhibit "a man's paraphilic tendency to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as a woman."  In other words, we are mentally disturbed - a "transvestic fetishism disorder."

I disagree.  I think I would be mentally disturbed of I was not aroused at the idea of being in the right body.  Most humans like sex - it is part of our billion year sexual evolutionary history.  I was never a gay man, but rather bi-.  I have had many a fantasy of getting my fantastical vagina filled with pulsating, rigid manhood.  (Cool down, girl!).  That doesn't make me crazy.

Blanchard can take that and shove it up his ... whatever.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on November 24, 2013, 06:35:27 PM
In the largest study of transsexuals and sexual identity (over 3,000 trans women), 66 percent, or two-thirds, identified as lesbian. So, it seems it is much more common than trans women who like men. But maybe I just like to be rare like a diamond. But anecdotally it certainly is true.

That matches the other study I referenced. And I've read that in more than one place. 

Either way it doesn't matter, and one is not better or worse than the other.
What ever gender you were attracted to since that age where you have such interest, that's probably who you will be attracted to. And since straight people outnumber gay people it makes sense that trans lesbians would be more common too.

We are all pretty rare though. :)

well I stand corrected. But I think I did read straight trans women don't like to idetify as queer. But I do so who knows how true that is. I idetify as queer much more than trans. I am really turned off by trans politics. That I have some obligation to anyone other then myself and my new found happyness.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on November 24, 2013, 11:10:18 PM
well I stand corrected. But I think I did read straight trans women don't like to idetify as queer. But I do so who knows how true that is. I idetify as queer much more than trans. I am really turned off by trans politics. That I have some obligation to anyone other then myself and my new found happyness.

I got to admit even though I like men most of the time it never felt right when people called me straight. But after I admitted to myself hey I am attracted to women too and came out as bi to myself I finally found something I'm comfortable with but I still identify myself a woman first I could care less about all the other labels. ;)

I like the non label totally woman idea.

Let's just remember that gender and sexual attraction are two different things.

I think if a male went through gender reassignment just to have sex with men, then that's probably very different from most people who had gender dysphoria since they were little before you were sexual.

Seems like a stupid thing to do if it's just for sex IMO. Do people do this? That's what I've heard.

My decision to transition has absolutely nothing to do with sex. It has to do with me. I like sex a lot, but that's not the motivation at all.

The sexual orientation thing does get tricky. If you were male and attracted to guys you are called gay. But after you transition you are straight? Or like me, I was "straight" but after SRS I'll be gay? Makes your head hurt! lol

Labels are stupid.

Sorry, all this talk about stats and labels and categories and whatnot is all a bit "eh, whatever" to me. I consider myself a sexual human, if I can actually get myself into a loving relationship with another sexual human then I will be very, very happy. :)

One thing I never see much discussion of is transgender attraction to other trans* people. I know it happens, whether it be m2f & f2m, m2f & m2f, or f2m & f2m. I saw the most gorgeous trans woman in my endo's waiting room a little while back and was smitten. The whole idea of a m2f & m2f relationship spun my head at the time but that's when it came down to me realising that we love who we love, labels be damned!

Eh, there are plenty of bisexual and lesbians in the cis community.  It doesn't shock me that there is a large presence of that in our community, especially considering the fact that we were socialized differently and subjected to the wrong hormones for a good portion of our lives.  And what about lesbians and gay people in the cis community?  Why are they any different to gay trans people?  I'm straight and have known about my identity since I was young, but I don't think that makes me any more trannsexual than those who are gay and/or discovered their identity later in life.  Even though my experience does differ greatly from some other people here, that doesn't make me more or less trans than they are.  I just hate the term true trannsexual. 

Having said all that, I'm sure there are transpeople that happen to be  ->-bleeped-<-cs, but I don't think it's fair to say the majority are without really knowing what's in their head. 

Quote from: Ms Grace on December 07, 2013, 01:41:14 PM
Sorry, all this talk about stats and labels and categories and whatnot is all a bit "eh, whatever" to me. I consider myself a sexual human, if I can actually get myself into a loving relationship with another sexual human then I will be very, very happy. :)

One thing I never see much discussion of is transgender attraction to other trans* people. I know it happens, whether it be m2f & f2m, m2f & m2f, or f2m & f2m. I saw the most gorgeous trans woman in my endo's waiting room a little while back and was smitten. The whole idea of a m2f & m2f relationship spun my head at the time but that's when it came down to me realising that we love who we love, labels be damned!

When you consider that transgendered person comprise just 0.3% of the population (1 in every 333 people), the odds are not in our favor.  But we have several TG/TS couples here and it is too cute.  Having someone who really understands you is a wonderful thing.

Just a reminder, but the subject of "autogynophilia" is generally off limits on this site.  The reason being, it has caused many a battle and hurt feelings.

Quote from: Jamie D on December 07, 2013, 02:03:14 PM
Just a reminder, but the subject of "autogynophilia" is generally off limits on this site.  The reason being, it has caused many a battle and hurt feelings.

I'll second and reinforce this. ->-bleeped-<- is not a welcome topic here. Perhaps those interested should take it to private message. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Sarah7 on December 07, 2013, 01:13:36 PM
And all the people who are bisexual are...? I always find theories that discount over a third of the population a bit suspect.

That said... I've always known what I am. I have no memory of not-knowing, no memory of realization. My dysphoria is also among the nastier varieties. I have three pretty serious suicide attempts and nearly a decade of self-harm--my forearms are coated in old scars. I also never crossdressed or had any interest in doing so. And thinking of myself with the correct body made me suicidally depressed--about as far from aroused as it's possible to get.

And my pre-transition form? I was a fragile queer-looking fey boy. From when I was 10 everyone assumed I was gay. I have big eyes and lips, a slight frame, female proportions and my voice didn't drop. I regularly passed as female accidentally pre-transition. And I lost the capacity to pass as male after 6 months on HRT.

By all accounts I should be a "homosexual transsexual" (what you are calling a "true transsexual") right? Only I'm exclusively attracted to females, and always have been.

In order for your theory to work, you need to classify me as an anomaly and discard me from the results. But that is bad science. Yes, I think some folks can sometimes confuse sexuality and gender. Maybe it even happens more regularly among trans women attracted to women or trans men attracted to men. I don't know, you'd want some research.

I'm really glad you came to an understanding of how things work for you. That's fantastic! But there is no need to try to extrapolate that outwards to explain every single trans person. We are quite a diverse bunch, with different identities, desires, needs and ways of expression those. And thankfully, Blanchard's theory no longer holds much weight in the medical community. Otherwise transitioning for an anomaly like me would have been very, very difficult.

I'm very similar to you. Was small framed, easily mistaken for a female when I was younger, and often mistaken for being gay. I wouldn't say I was a "fragile queer-looking fey boy", but I'm small and not very masculine. But I'm also not overly effeminate the way some gay men are. But that's like a stereotype of a women. Even my ex wife has said I reminded her more of a woman. She was also very upset that I might be gay (as in liking men) thinking our marriage was a farce. Which it wasn't.

I was a transsexual since the age of 4 or so, so as I said in my last post it has nothing to do with sex. I am absolutely autogynophelic. But as I said in an earlier post, while I'm attracted to my own image as a woman, but its not paraphillia, because it's not about dressing that way. But I think this is normal. Straight cis females like looking at other women, you can see that in women's magazines. And everyone likes looking pretty.

I'm also exclusively attracted to women. But to me that has nothing to do with me self identifying as a woman. Just because you are a woman doesn't mean you want/have to sleep with men. It's interesting that many MtF's are attracted to women, but if you think about it, there are more hetero people than gay, so if you take a sampling of them to pick out trans people, you will have a higher incidence of former males attracted to females (and vice versa). And that's because being trans doesn't have much to do with being gay or straight.

We are unique in that we are a mix of both male and female. While I have always felt female, and related to females, and have female mannerisms, but i grew up as a male, with male hormones, etc.

I find it all very fascinating. And complicated. But in the end we are who we are, and that's OK. :)

Quote from: jussmoi4nao on December 07, 2013, 03:12:59 PM
Okayy, i deleted my posts cuz im not really in the frame of mind to deal with drama, and i ask that anyone who quoted me do the same.

sorry if i offended anyone but anyone who knows me knows i think everyone is fab in their own beautiful and unique way, so my intent is not to offend.

with that ima take a break from this site cuz im wayy too volatile atm for the delicate atmosphere, sooo seeya guys.

You didn't offend me. I thought it was a good post. I don't know why the topic would offend anyone. It's just part of being human. I think everyone likes looking at themselves, right? I'm just being honest.

By the way, you are cute as a button. :)

I think this is a major factor.  While early transitioners are more often androphyllic, late transitioners are more often gynephyllic.

I don't think many cis lesbians are interesed in MTF transsexuals, but hetero cis-women can often be "turned".

My wife was once worried that I would either be attracted to men, or that I would not be able to meet her needs once PIV sex ended.

Both of those were unfounded.  I can satisfy her sexually and I don't like men.  Furthermore she finds my feminized body attractive and seems to enjoy sucking on my breasts as well as what's left of my penis.   From my experience, at least, women are more flexible in their sexuality.  Actually I think that once they have been shown that you can satisfy them sexually, they care less about your physical configuration.
   
Randi

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on November 24, 2013, 07:34:22 PM
Could a large part of this be, many of us were attracted to women for so long before transition that it continued.  Or? People in relationships with women who stayed together after transition?   And were all of them post transition or on HRT.  Ive heard people say their preference flips with hormones.

Actually, it's not about delicate mindsets, it's a site policy. If you wish special dispensation to discuss it, susan@susans.org is your best bet. Hugs, Devlyn

I am 100% sexually attracted to men & have always felt that way. I have lots of very close women friends & we may shop together or have our nails done together or cook etc... however my only interest in the bedroom is with a man.

I'm very hopeful to completely all facial electrolysis, allow HRT to help with changes. have my SRS maybe next fall & after healing up live one normal life a normal woman. I will continue to have very good women friends however I desire to date men as a normal woman & simply enjoy sex with a man. I so hope my vagina can be deep enough & that perhaps I can climax. That would be great.

Good luck to all GF with your life plan.

Quote from: jussmoi4nao on December 07, 2013, 03:44:20 PM
Welll, like I said I just think everybody is beatiful and I love everybody for who they are, and I try not to judge different motivations but at the same time recognize the differences, and just look at it and say we all are who we are. I wasnt trying to say I or anyone else is better than anyone else, and I'm sorry if that was the interpretation. Honestly, the way I see it is if what you want or how you want to express yourself isn't hurting anyone, its nobodys place to judge or say you can't.

But anywayy yeahh you're right this is a support site, and I realize everyone on here is getting enough negativity from everywhere else that they need ONE place they won't feel judged, and I'm at a place atm where like I said I'm really volatile soo it's prolly best for the sake of those in delicate mindsets I take a break.

And ravenmoon, aww thnxx you're too sweet!

Jussmoi4nao,

You and I seem to be on opposite ends of the FTM spectrum.  Your cute, I'm not, your young, I'm old  blah, blah.  We are going through the same process and facing the same problems.  We can and should help each other.  I'm never above listening.

We are stronger because of our diversity.  You are welcome here.

Hugs,

Jen 

Hm. Well, I'm attracted to women and feminine men (Traps are hot...). Not really sure why this is most common (if that post on the statistics is to be taken), but oh well.

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on November 24, 2013, 07:34:22 PM
Could a large part of this be, many of us were attracted to women for so long before transition that it continued.  Or? People in relationships with women who stayed together after transition?   And were all of them post transition or on HRT.  Ive heard people say their preference flips with hormones.

Not for me.. From the age of 19-20 up to I came out as trans, I was a gay guy.. I was physically attracted to men. The transition came along.. I fell in love - with a woman. Which forced me to do some introspection - I came to realise that I'd never loved a man, even the one's I'd been in relationships with. I had, however, loved women in my past and it seemed that I continue to do.

Anyone here physically attracted to one gender, but emotionally attracted to the other?

I find myself craving physical contact with females. My body feels magnetised towards towards the female form, all its beauty, refinement and wonder.
Yet I don't seem to gain deeper emotional feelings with female partners, something just feels depressing. I don't like having to tow the line as the conformotive boyfriend and I don't feel fulfilled always having to take the male role during sex. Plus, women are absolutely brilliant at making you feel irrelevant and redundant. I always find I'm having to "prove" myself every minute to "deserve" their attention. So ultimately I end up feeling short changed emotionally and mentally, which probably is a major reason for  not developing deeper feelings for my female partners.

However, with guys, I feel I can open up to certain guys more emotionally wise.  And it feels more rewarding inside. I love the attention they give and I actually feel wanted when courted by a guy. Naturally, I do realise that there is the element of them wanting to get into bed with me, but ultimately they still want me, as opposed to the feeling I get from courting girls, whereby I'm simply a part of some plan of theirs, I'm not desired as such. Yep, I know I sound bitter :p And yes I am, Buuuuut..... even when I wasn't bitter when I was 17, I used to feel oddly elated and happy when I felt closer to a guy I thought was attractive and who was really nice to me. Deep down I'd love to be a girlfriend to a guy. I've been courted by guys and I've really enjoyed it, I feel like I can truly express myself without shame, and I also like to make them happy, so it feels alot less tortured then my relationships with women. But I don't have the same lust for male bodies like I do for female bodies. There isn't that physical drive, that need, to sleep with a guy.

I often feel trapped by my orientation of being physically attracted to women. It's lovely and feels natural but it also keeps me hanging on to being male and all what I hate about the role and my body.

Anyone else experienced this? :)

   

Heh, I always find strict preferences to be curious. I have some preferences, but they fulfill different needs and wants (which there are quite a few). Otherwise, I'm open to just about anything. Men, women, somewhere inbetween, or outside of all that, MtF, FtM, whatev. If a space alien came down and we got along, and could make it work sexually, I'd give it a go. xD I consider myself pansexual but I'm not even sure if that's inclusive enough.

And for the record, there are a few MtFs and FtMs around here that I find particularly appealing.. :embarrassed:

My sexuality atm is total mess, but thanks to extra low libido - it does not worry me much. I feel that my affection towards women is dwindling as things which attracted me, or which I admired - they do not have that effect anymore. When I see a couple, I cant actually decide whom I prefer more. When I talk with a woman, it is emotional exchange, free of any sexual contexts. Funny, but all women in my workplace are now much relaxed and open with me.
Guys... dunno... I am interested and thrilled, but unsure if I would be able to see one next to me 24/7/365. Sure, they are absolutely different, they way simplier than women but they have their own unique contribution, energy, dynamics which a woman could never replicate. And they often are fun as hell - and so am I...  They often have their own agenda and they like to push other people the way they want, and I might simply not tolerate such kind of attitude. Besides, I am way too picky and given my looks and background I might never be able to compete with cis-women for a nice guy and seeing that many women here have difficulties to find a decent male specimen (no offense intended, just irony), I might pretty much stay alone till the end of my life.

Eve I've noticed this too.

I thought it might be because so many ladies on here are married or have been so it's just natural that they'ed be lesbian. Honestly until I joined Susan's I never knew of this many mtf lesbians, or married ones at that. All the girls I know are strictly into men including myself. I was dating men long before I started transition so all this is certainly new to me.

Quote from: Ms Grace on December 07, 2013, 01:41:14 PM
Sorry, all this talk about stats and labels and categories and whatnot is all a bit "eh, whatever" to me. I consider myself a sexual human, if I can actually get myself into a loving relationship with another sexual human then I will be very, very happy. :)

One thing I never see much discussion of is transgender attraction to other trans* people. I know it happens, whether it be m2f & f2m, m2f & m2f, or f2m & f2m. I saw the most gorgeous trans woman in my endo's waiting room a little while back and was smitten. The whole idea of a m2f & m2f relationship spun my head at the time but that's when it came down to me realising that we love who we love, labels be damned!

My former supervisor is a FTM who's ploy and has been in a long term relationship with a MTF. He also sometimes "Plays around" with another FTM friend. When he first told me I couldn't believe it because I'd never known any trans couples before. But they are out there for sure.

Quote from: Kelly the Post-Trans-Rebel on December 07, 2013, 06:29:21 PM
Not for me.. From the age of 19-20 up to I came out as trans, I was a gay guy.. I was physically attracted to men. The transition came along.. I fell in love - with a woman. Which forced me to do some introspection - I came to realise that I'd never loved a man, even the one's I'd been in relationships with. I had, however, loved women in my past and it seemed that I continue to do.

Wow! Thanks for sharing.

Quote from: "I'm Stella Stanhope, and that's why I drink". on December 07, 2013, 06:52:22 PM
I often feel trapped by my orientation of being physically attracted to women. It's lovely and feels natural but it also keeps me hanging on to being male and all what I hate about the role and my body.

Anyone else experienced this? :)

I've aways liked females for what they are. Since I was like 4. I like everything about them and liked spending as much time with them as possible. They can be crazy though. lol But so can we all.

But I have spent much of my life associating more with girls than guys. I have, and do have male friends, and it's mostly always music related, i.e., we played in bands together. We have little in common outside of music. Even the band I'm in now, some of them must think I'm from Mars. lol But they have gotten used to my appearance. The one very close male friend I have (who is also a musician) is just a nice sensitive (straight) guy. He was one of the first people I told of my transition. I find the majority of men I meet uninteresting and vulgar.  lol The more intelligent they are the better they are as people. But there are lots of dumb guys out there.  :P

Now I do relate to what you said about hanging on to the male part.. at least with what I have below the belt. I have never hated it, even though I had wished I didn't have one. But it's a nice one and I have enjoyed using it. lol I'll probably get SRS at some point. I have no idea how women would relate to me if they know I'm trans. One of my closest friends is a lesbian, and I could tell she was uncomfortable after I came out to her, but has since accepted it and we seem to be fine. But the whole thing was shocking to her.  She's been my andogious fashion role model and gives me clothes  lol

It's going to be an interesting future for sure.

Quote from: Janae on December 08, 2013, 06:47:34 AMWhen he first told me I couldn't believe it because I'd never known any trans couples before. But they are out there for sure.

I know two, although one of them just broke up. :(  They are both MtF couples.

Always loved females and everything feminine and loved my wife of 44 years so much that I once told her that I would like to have been her. I've had a few trysts with males but it wasn't what really floats my boat. Had a post op MtF girlfriend, we became too close and it didn't fit into my marriage, besides she was such a drama queen. However if I found myself alone I think my preference may be another MtF partner, one with her head screwed on properly.

I just began dating another trans girl who I've meet in group and I have to say I've been really comfortable with her because there is just that level of understanding we both have about our bodies, especially since we're at similar stages in our transition. For me I definitely do feel safer with another girl and would with another trans person regardless of sex. never mind that I'm queer and prefer femininity over masculinity, it's just one of those good feelings I just have.

Quote from: Riley Skye on December 08, 2013, 12:15:37 PM
I just began dating another trans girl who I've meet in group and I have to say I've been really comfortable with her because there is just that level of understanding we both have about our bodies, especially since we're at similar stages in our transition. For me I definitely do feel safer with another girl and would with another trans person regardless of sex. never mind that I'm queer and prefer femininity over masculinity, it's just one of those good feelings I just have.

Nothing wrong with that Riley, I can relate to your feelings.

Quote from: Shantel on December 08, 2013, 12:03:50 PM
However if I found myself alone I think my preference may be another MtF partner, one with her head screwed on properly.

I agree, Shantel.

I'm always amazed how much better I feel after learning about more diversity in our world.

Quote from: Shantel on December 08, 2013, 12:03:50 PMHowever if I found myself alone I think my preference may be another MtF partner, one with her head screwed on properly.

I've been thinking along these lines too.

I'm just not sure anymore after view all these posts. Is it legal to have a lesbian relationship with your therapist'    What's the term if you like cute little kitty cats.

Quote from: evecrook on December 08, 2013, 01:37:33 PM
I'm just not sure anymore after view all these posts. Is it legal to have a lesbian relationship with your therapist'

It is considered by most standards to be unethical and perhaps damaging to the therapeutic relationship.  Not advisable.


I have been bisexual since childhood and find it is the individual rather than a gender or sexual partner that makes for a meaningful relationship for me.

Now presenting as much more feminine I like the androgyny of "Queer."  I appreciate our predecessors who reclaimed the term from the slur mongers.  Now in transition I find it easier to understand the depth of my attractions without the T factor and consider the "crushes" I once had on some women were more likely admiration and a desire to be them vs. be with them in a sexual context.  I have loved and been loved by men and women and find the biggest differences are more about the individual person than our genitals.

Love, romance and intimacy are so wonderfully intricate and varied for those willing to swim in the rainbow pool.  I have not yet been with a straight identified man but who knows what the future holds?

Dreaming on............. ;)

Quote from: evecrook on December 08, 2013, 01:37:33 PM
I'm just not sure anymore after view all these posts. Is it legal to have a lesbian relationship with your therapist'    What's the term if you like cute little kitty cats.

No it isn't and infact she could very well lose her license as a therapist. I learned in a psychology 101 that the therapist and client cannot have a personal relationship, only professional.

Quote from: "I'm Stella Stanhope, and that's why I drink". on December 07, 2013, 06:52:22 PM
Anyone here physically attracted to one gender, but emotionally attracted to the other?

I find myself craving physical contact with females. My body feels magnetised towards towards the female form, all its beauty, refinement and wonder.
Yet I don't seem to gain deeper emotional feelings with female partners, something just feels depressing. I don't like having to tow the line as the conformotive boyfriend and I don't feel fulfilled always having to take the male role during sex. Plus, women are absolutely brilliant at making you feel irrelevant and redundant. I always find I'm having to "prove" myself every minute to "deserve" their attention. So ultimately I end up feeling short changed emotionally and mentally, which probably is a major reason for  not developing deeper feelings for my female partners.

However, with guys, I feel I can open up to certain guys more emotionally wise.  And it feels more rewarding inside. I love the attention they give and I actually feel wanted when courted by a guy. Naturally, I do realise that there is the element of them wanting to get into bed with me, but ultimately they still want me, as opposed to the feeling I get from courting girls, whereby I'm simply a part of some plan of theirs, I'm not desired as such. Yep, I know I sound bitter :p And yes I am, Buuuuut..... even when I wasn't bitter when I was 17, I used to feel oddly elated and happy when I felt closer to a guy I thought was attractive and who was really nice to me. Deep down I'd love to be a girlfriend to a guy. I've been courted by guys and I've really enjoyed it, I feel like I can truly express myself without shame, and I also like to make them happy, so it feels alot less tortured then my relationships with women. But I don't have the same lust for male bodies like I do for female bodies. There isn't that physical drive, that need, to sleep with a guy.

I often feel trapped by my orientation of being physically attracted to women. It's lovely and feels natural but it also keeps me hanging on to being male and all what I hate about the role and my body.

Anyone else experienced this? :)

   

Try dating gay women.  Sounds like you were dating straight ones.  Im fairly submissive, and i definately understand the need for someone else to either be in control or the aggressor.   I'm attracted to both(but more to "some" guys).  I'm not sure ill ever let go of dating women(even though i kind of want to).  Although, i suppose as long as i find the dominant partner i seek, im not sure i care what gender they are, as long as they treat me like a lady and with respect.

I don't know if this will help. I know what you mean , but I realized a long time ago that I was pretty much hard core bisexual . I've found love both ways. You just need to find the right person which can be difficult.

Quote from: evecrook on December 08, 2013, 01:37:33 PM
I'm just not sure anymore after view all these posts. Is it legal to have a lesbian relationship with your therapist'    What's the term if you like cute little kitty cats.

I really wouldn't go there.  It's fine to have a friendly relationship with your therapist, but they should be able to give you neutral and detached advice.  Once they become emotionally attached and personally invested in your life, they can no longer really give you reliable advice or run the risk of being biased.  Just my opinion. 

Quote from: evecrook on December 14, 2013, 09:54:12 AM
I don't know if this will help. I know what you mean , but I realized a long time ago that I was pretty much hard core bisexual . I've found love both ways. You just need to find the right person which can be difficult.

Early on before my epiphany and the beginning of my own transition I held a typically narrow view of the proprieties of human sexual relationships, however over time that attitude has been replaced by an entirely different view of human sexuality and the entire rainbow of possibilities which boils down to the idea that there is someone out there for everyone and no-one should have to live their life alone or be criticized for their preferences.

Quote from: Shantel on December 14, 2013, 10:16:57 AM
Early on before my epiphany and the beginning of my own transition I held a typically narrow view of the proprieties of human sexual relationships, however over time that attitude has been replaced by an entirely different view of human sexuality and the entire rainbow of possibilities which boils down to the idea that there is someone out there for everyone and no-one should have to live their life alone or be criticized for their preferences.

That's a great way to look at it and I agree.   Gay, straight, bi or whatever, just follow your heart.  I notice there is a lot of shame in the transgender community for their preferences and it shouldn't be that way.  There is nothing wrong with liking what you like.... well, as long as it's legal, lol.  So many people assume that transgender women are into guys which unfairly forces lesbians to meet certain social expectations.  All I can say is follow your heart and forget the rest.  That's all that matters.

I don't know if there is a person out there for everyone, but I'm hoping you're right because I keep fearing I'll never meet a guy who will accept me.  For some reason, dating has really been on my mind the past few days more than ever.  Yet, I'm still in the beginning of my transition, so things are a little complex and awkward.  Hopefully there is a Mr. right out there for me and I'll find him someday.  Eh....

Quote from: learningtolive on December 14, 2013, 10:57:28 AM
That's a great way to look at it and I agree.   Gay, straight, bi or whatever, just follow your heart.  I notice there is a lot of shame in the transgender community for their preferences and it shouldn't be that way.  There is nothing wrong with liking what you like.... well, as long as it's legal, lol.  So many people assume that transgender women are into guys which unfairly forces lesbians to meet certain social expectations.  All I can say is follow your heart and forget the rest.  That's all that matters.

I don't know if there is a person out there for everyone, but I'm hoping you're right because I keep fearing I'll never meet a guy who will accept me.  For some reason, dating has really been on my mind the past few days more than ever.  Yet, I'm still in the beginning of my transition, so things are a little complex and awkward.  Hopefully there is a Mr. right out there for me and I'll find him someday.  Eh....

odds are in your favor. there's like 7 billion people on the planet

Quote from: learningtolive on December 14, 2013, 10:57:28 AM

I don't know if there is a person out there for everyone, but I'm hoping you're right because I keep fearing I'll never meet a guy who will accept me.  For some reason, dating has really been on my mind the past few days more than ever.  Yet, I'm still in the beginning of my transition, so things are a little complex and awkward.  Hopefully there is a Mr. right out there for me and I'll find him someday.  Eh....

I get that feeling all the time.  It'd be great to have someone to share the journey with, not to mention, the intimacy with having a SO(and i dont just mean sex).  Having someone who loves and cares for me throughout the transition process(a guy or girl or w/e), as well has having someone who regularly makes me feel feminine is a significant ego boost to those of us with very low self esteem.  It seems at times loneliness is pervasive throughout the trans community due to our situation.  Since i let my emotional pallet out of its cage and stopped suppressing them all, ive noticed a person that shows me affection and makes me feel feminine and like a lady, put me emotionally in a place, where no drugs could ever take me, just the best feeling in the world.  My submissive nature has me a bit codependent  i think lol.

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on December 14, 2013, 05:45:05 AM
Try dating gay women.  Sounds like you were dating straight ones.  Im fairly submissive, and i definately understand the need for someone else to either be in control or the aggressor.   I'm attracted to both(but more to "some" guys).  I'm not sure ill ever let go of dating women(even though i kind of want to).  Although, i suppose as long as i find the dominant partner i seek, im not sure i care what gender they are, as long as they treat me like a lady and with respect.

This sounds weird, but lots of my girl friends have been lesbians. Well obviously bi, but mostly not. They liked my feminineness. The one I had the most fun with was almost 6 ft tall, and she liked to be in charge!

So I'm going to go looking for that type again when the time comes. ;)  I'm not into guys at all.

Quote from: RavenMoon on December 14, 2013, 01:22:12 PM
This sounds weird, but lots of my girl friends have been lesbians. Well obviously bi, but mostly not. They liked my feminineness. The one I had the most fun with was almost 6 ft tall, and she liked to be in charge!

This^ im wishy washy on guys, but i have a clear idea what i want with a woman.   

im strictly dickly lmao. only men for me no woman.

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on November 24, 2013, 01:33:59 PM
For starters, women are safer.  I mean TBH  no matter who i sleep with(cause i kinda like guys too), on an emotional level, i find a deeper emotional connection with a woman.  Hormones may however change this.

yes , I myself find woman to be much safer. Not to disrespect men what so ever, I do love them. I know though being on estrogen for a while now my fantasies for woman are still strong and loving , but the fantasies for men are going to places I've never been before. I mean wow, Its like the flood gates just opened.

For me I have only been with women and had embarrassing experiences with men.
However even tho I am putting relationships on hold, thinking about being with a another woman makes me uncomfortable, and I feel like I am leaning more towards men.

I love people for who they are, regardless of gender but I cant help loving them man bears.

So women just make me uncomfortable/jealous, but a relationship with a man makes me anxious 

I'm not quite sure any more, the more I'm on estrogen the more I fantasize about men, but I've been in relationships with men and my thoughts are changing  with estrogen to the point that I want a man, but  need GRS first because that's the intimacy I truly  crave,

Quote from: learningtolive on December 14, 2013, 10:57:28 AM
So many people assume that transgender women are into guys 

Hi Olive,
It's interesting you bring this up.  I was thinking about this while reading all these posts.  It's amazing actually how times have changed.  Back 30 years ago many therapists thought you couldn't be a transgender woman unless you liked males and now years later we realize how upside down that idea was.

BTW, I like woman, but I do imagine sometimes being involved sexually with a man.  My therapist says that may be an expression of me wanting to experience everything a woman could experience.  I haven't started HRT yet, and that may change things.  Who knows.

Take care,
Paige :)

As being only about 9 months into transition, I am still trying to figure out my orientation, but some reason this isn't much of a priority for me right now. I am really enjoying how I am relating to both men and woman in a new way, without the static of sex messing that up. I am probably way more emotionally connected to women, because I empathize with them, but I suspect that just the right man could do that for me as well. It seems to me that sex is becoming about the person more than just a physical attraction.

Not sure what my orientation is =/. My transition has been second nature to me but my sexuality is the biggest gaze.

At first I always thought that falling for men was wrong, or even to look at them. I did got over that but even now if I get closer to a guy, kiss one, it feels.. like I shouldn't? It isn't that I don't want it but my old past barrier still keeps me from doing a lot with men.

Thing is! Women are beautiful! And I love to have a female sidekick :P but sexually wise.. I wouldn't feel attracted. But talking about romance I would. I rather kiss a girl than a man =/.

Gosh.. tis complicated +_+.

Evercrook - Yes, I noticed the same thing as well. But, I always say to each his own and its what makes our world a brighter and more colorful place to live in. In my mind I think it is because if one is living as 'male' and then physically transitions to female (their true self), I do not see why the sexual preference would change since it is only the exterior features which are changing and not the mind. The mind was always female.  Makes me conclude that regardless of our outer shells, some of us are bisexual, some lesbian, some heterosexual, on and on....

But what do I know.

Honestly, I think sleeping with a girl would be super boring. >,>
I haven't slept with anyone so my input doesn't count much.
Anyway I'd prefer a Tgirl over anything and I totes got lucky because my gf is one. :'D
It just seems right to me. A man doesn't seem emotional enough but a woman would make me feel like the man in a relationship and I hope to transition someday. So I'm happy I have someone I can look up to and follow in her got steps. :3

Word for lover of cute little kitty cats:   ailurophile petit   :laugh:

You are right. It does seem that a lot of the members are attracted to women, that's OK. But I'm 100% attracted sexually to hetrosexual type men. Good luck to us all in finding our place in the world.

Currently I am more attracted to women, I am starting to notice things about guys though.