Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Today I was talking with a psichologist from the public health system. She is especialized in male to females transexuals (she only works with MTFs) and i had a 20 minutes talk with her in order to proceed to an avaliation to get free HRT from the public health system of my country (quite nice).

While she was asking me a lot of questions, one was if I am still virgin.

I always felt embarassed and ashamed of having to answer "yes". (yes, I'm still virgin...and this with 26 yo!)  :'(

I asked her that this must be a very ununsual situation for anyone with my age, but she answered me that this is far more common than I think, specialy in MTFs.

So, if it is not a too personal question, might this be true? Do we have more MTFs virgins here with around 25 yo? Being MTF might be related with still being virgin late in life?

(I hope this is on the right place on the forum, if it is not, I am sorry in advance)

I have always been and will always be a virgin. I find sex to be disgusting, to be honest. I feel no shame in admitting that I've never had sex.

I don't Know I'm definitely not 25 and definitely not a virgin

Strange question of them to ask. I wonder why.

In response to your question, I am, but mostly because my body is disgusting; I can't imagine sex in it.

I smell a poll coming on. Have you ever set one up? It's easy. Instead of hitting "new topic", choose "new poll". They're easy to make.

30 years old here, haven't had a girlfriend since Middle-School.

Its pretty sad, but oddly I am not really ashamed.

Not a virgin but to be honest I never liked sex using the man bits. It has always been something that triggers my dysphoria something awful. Leads to me shutting down for a few hours but I always tired because I was in a relationship and spent many of those years trying to be a man.

Never used my boy bits so "Technical Virgin" however I definitely wouldn't classify myself as a virgin, As with partners subsequent I've pretty much done everything else you can imagine that doesn't involve using my Bits.

28 and don't see myself having sex till post op. I just don't care for what's down there.

I just turned 27 last month, and yes, I am a virgin. Despite years of sexual frustration and desiring to have a relationship with a girl, I couldn't overcome how turned off I was by my own body and by the idea of being the "man" in a relationship. It just didn't work for me. The closest I ever got to dating a girl was when a girl had to tell her friend to tell me to ask her out. He really tried to talk me into it too, and when he finally asked me directly why I didn't want to do it, the best answer I could come up with was "It's complicated." ::)

Right now I don't think I'm even going to worry about sex until I get further into the transition process. I need to be able to accept myself before I can accept being in a relationship with another human being. Getting into dating is going to be rough though, since I have absolutely zero experience. I just hope that it comes more naturally when the gender I'm presenting myself with isn't in such conflict with my internal identity.

26 and still a virgin... :icon_redface: (JK, I'm not really ashamed)
I just could never make advance to or interract with a girl as a guy would. It didn't feel right somehow. So I desisted, thinking I was somehow inadequate to succeed doing what I thought I was supposed to, from the society's standards point of view.

Thank you everyone for the answers :)

Indeed I am surprised (and very happy at the same time, because I discovered one more thing that unites us all)

I am a virgin for almost the same reasons of everyone here, plus an extra of being too shy and hating my male body.

Not that I feel ashamed for being virgin. I actually don't care... But before, when I could still see me as a man (or a project of man), I was ashamed, and a bit revolted of not fitting in this world, for not being able to fulfill all the expectancies of me being a man.

Luckily I will not need to feel this way ever again!

I am really happy now!! =D

35... and only ever one sexual partner (my x2b-wife). I also gravitated toward a female style... but I won't say more in the public forums :P ;)

I had one other girlfriend where we came close... and only one other girlfriend aside from that. So yea...

I'm 37. I stopped having sex at 26. It had become more frustrating than pleasurable.

So I'm not a virgin, but I am celibate.

I was virgin till 23 y.o., but not because I found sex to be disgusting or hated my male bits. In fact, I was very curious about it, but I just could not figure out what I am supposed to do to get there... (You might not believe me, but I did not masturbate until I actually had sex either - I could not understand how to...). When I was 23 y.o. I just decided that it had been enough and made a deliberate choice - which I regretted very soon afterwards... I remember having that thought in my mind oh so clearly - "Now... I am in trouble...". And it was, unfortunately, truth. My libido just skyrocketed afterwards and had no exit for it, so I started to do crazier and crazier things to sublimate (I believe that was the term) my sexual energy. Now, on T-blockers, I finally feel free again...

Quote from: Joules on November 25, 2013, 02:58:22 PM
At the risk of TMI, I didn't discover how to satisfy myself when I was alone until I was 28.  I think that's entirely due to the frustration and confusion I found with sex and typical gender roles.  At the risk of far more TMI, once I discovered self-pleasure, I made up for lost time and then some!

It is so ironic... And I used to be ashamed of that...

im 25 and im a virgin! It used to get me really down, however i just dont feel that i can be intimate with anyone whilst being in a boys body!

I just dont have any confidence, and i dont feel attractive! Also i dont really know how to use the bits, and i dont really want too :/

I am 25 and a virgin. It's not like I haven't have had urges because trust me I have. At one point, they were so strong that I put out profiles on hookup sites but I could never go through with the deed. I just couldn't let my first time happen that way and I agree i wouldn't feel comfortable being with someone else that way in this body. I've always wanted a boyfriend but I wouldn't know how to be in a gay relationship as a man since that isn't who I am. It really sucks being a heterosexual woman in a man's body. You're not into the women that are into you. You can't really connect with gay guys and the guys you want don't want you because they see a man in front of them. I really can't wait for everything to match and all this confusion can end.

I am 28, technically a virgin, because I only have had non-penetrative sex so far, so I guess unless you put your penis into someone's vagina, one should call himself a virgin  :)
Although I don't mind using it, it is not the best form of sex I can imagine.

Quote from: Magnolia88 on November 25, 2013, 03:11:35 PM
I am 25 and a virgin. It's not like I haven't have had urges because trust me I have. At one point, they were so strong that I put out profiles on hookup sites but I could never go through with the deed. I just couldn't let my first time happen that way and I agree i wouldn't feel comfortable being with someone else that way in this body. I've always wanted a boyfriend but I wouldn't know how to be in a gay relationship as a man since that isn't who I am. It really sucks being a heterosexual woman in a man's body. You're not into the women that are into you. You can't really connect with gay guys and the guys you want don't want you because they see a man in front of them. I really can't wait for everything to match and all this confusion can end.

This is exactly how I feel about men. I feel attracted to men, but not in a gay way. I am not gay...I am just a heterossexual woman on a male body...

I am sure people will see me as a gay when I tell that I am a MTF but that is not right.

I was very fortunate that during my 16th year a slightly younger but much more experienced girl took an interest in me and spent the next 3 or 4 months seducing me.  I could have had sex with her on the first night we dated, but I declined.

I was very interested in the female body (which I felt I should have had) and was encouraged to explore it fully.  I soon learned to bring her to orgasm with my fingers.  When we finally had penis in vagina sex, it was almost an out of body experience for me.  I concentrated on what she must be feeling, and was assured that it was enjoyable for her and she wanted it.  I figuratively stepped outside of my body and let it act as it was meant to do.

I was quite dysphoric as a child, even believing I was really a girl until I was informed otherwise in the first grade. I was convinced that a mistake had been made and would be corrected.

Thanks to the love and care of this girl, I was able to live many years of my life as a hetrosexual male.  I became a very good lover because my mind was on what the woman was feeling and only if things were as the woman wished would I "step aside" and unleash the male body I was living in.  I considered it my lot in life to be the giver of pleasure to women.  Yes, there were times when my testosterone fueled penis demanded that I go in search of something warm and comfortable to put it in.   I never really claimed ownership of the penis though.

Forty years after my sexual initiation, my doctor found I was hypogonadic.  I had very low testosterone and twice the estradiol a man should have.  All my childhood memories that had been repressed for decades came flooding back.

Even though I had let the male body do what it wanted to, I came to realize that it just didn't fit.  I shouldn't have to put my mind to sleep in order to let my male body take over.

In summary I believe I am and have always been transsexual, but I was fortunate to have been taught to work around that.  It worked for four decades before I just couldn't keep up the pretense any more.  It allowed me to have a marriage and family and a respectable middle class life.

I am again fortunate to be married to a woman who has no problem making love to my now feminized body. 

With my sexual life beginning and ending with experiences with loving, caring women who were able to enjoy and share their sexuality, I can only express reciprocal love and admiration.

I love women so very much that I am proud and glad to become one in the later years of my life.

Randi

I guess it would depend on how one defines "virgin" LOL!

I had SRS at 24 and was only with a woman once, just a few months before SRS - I figured I should try it at least ONCE before I switched sides  ::) It was pretty pathetic! I had been on HRT for 7 years and had not the least interest in being with a woman but this girl kept throwing herself at me so .....  I don't know what she thought she was getting but I hope I didn't scar her for life because (for me) nothing worked!  :-\ She never said a word about my boobs or my itty-bitty wee willie!  I have no idea what she thought of the whole experience :o

I had been with men, in a very limited way, from about age 14 onward, maybe a dozen times. I had "the urge" in a big way but I did NOT want to be with a man as a (supposed) male.

(After SRS I only  lasted 6 weeks before officially loosing my virginity  ;D )

Quote from: Natalia on November 25, 2013, 03:28:57 PM
I am sure people will see me as a gay when I tell that I am a MTF but that is not right.

Some people are open to social education, and realize they will become better people for learning about those whom they don't readily understand. I love those people. :)

Others resist anything that doesn't fit into their narrow worldview. But that's their problem. As long as they don't make it your problem, they're free to wallow in their own ignorance.

If only they know how strong and courageous trans people are. Ignorance is such a shame. :icon_no:

I as practically every other mtf I knew a long time ago
I lost my virginity by 16.  And I hung out with around
20 mtf back in the day.

Some of us are just way more advanced than others
And we knew how to attract men that love mtf.

on reexamination of my life upon reading these stories I guess I do fit the mold. I had a lot of sex with both male and female up until I was 30. to be honest I haven't had sex since then. A combination of dysphoria and fear of aids. My last partner was male and I loved him very much , but things happen and we split. I know for me not having the proper equipment has caused a big problem with wanting a relationship. I guess if I do have sex again its almost like being a virgin, or I fantasize it as such.

Quote from: pebbles on November 25, 2013, 02:06:04 PM
Never used my boy bits so "Technical Virgin" however I definitely wouldn't classify myself as a virgin, As with partners subsequent I've pretty much done everything else you can imagine that doesn't involve using my Bits.

Same. I preferred oral and being pegged, and certainly enjoyed it, but I always felt some shame at the 'technical virginity' part. Even when I really wanted to, I just couldn't get hard enough. What really sucks is, I finally ended up with someone who knew I was transgendered but physically being together, she couldn't get over the fact that I had a penis so she'd respond like I was male and have those expectations of me. And knowing I wouldn't be able to get it up, I just got even more performance anxiety and it never happened. What's even worse, that kind of thing never happened to her so it threw her confidence and ruined subsequent attempts. We still stayed together for a while, and occasionally 'played', but our sex-life just fizzled very quickly. :/

Quote from: Magnolia88 on November 25, 2013, 03:11:35 PM
I've always wanted a boyfriend but I wouldn't know how to be in a gay relationship as a man since that isn't who I am. It really sucks being a heterosexual woman in a man's body. You're not into the women that are into you. You can't really connect with gay guys and the guys you want don't want you because they see a man in front of them. I really can't wait for everything to match and all this confusion can end.

Definitely agree. I'd like to try being physically intimate with a guy, but not a gay guy. A gay guy will obviously treat me like a guy, and while it'd be easier than being with a straight woman since I can at least be the receptive partner, the expectations and attraction will still be different and undesirable. :\ And the expectations (from women anyway) really kill it for me. I may have had a male libido, but my sexual orientation is for straight guys and gay girls, and my brain-wiring is female. I never had that 'mounting' instinct, didn't like initiating, and never got hard enough. So because of all that, and not being gay, I was always doomed to be a 'technical virgin' as a guy.

I just honestly have no desire to penetrate anything. now being penetrated is a different story.

Yup, couldn't bring myself to do it. Been a few occasions where i have had to make excuses not to have sex, and not because i didn't want to, i mean i was very much attracted to them but not as a guy with a girl. Some of these girls got massively pissed off that i wanted to cuddle instead of giving her what she wanted. Ah well, i know how she feels :P

My true inner desire is to be penetrated vaginally  by a straight man, but can't do it with the equipment I have.

I'm 24 years old and a virgin.  It is a little embarrassing, but I sort of feel weird about sex.  Sure, we all have desires; however, I just don't feel very comfortable with my body and would feel weird about a guy picturing me as a guy (if that makes sense).  Still, I really would like to start dating, so maybe it won't last forever.  Who knows.  It's all about my comfort level with my own body and whether or not I meet the right guy.  To be honest, I'm really not a very sexual person and romance is much more important to me, so I'm okay with waiting until the right moment. 

Quote from: Bardoux on November 25, 2013, 04:59:15 PM
Yup, couldn't bring myself to do it. Been a few occasions where i have had to make excuses not to have sex, and not because i didn't want to, i mean i was very much attracted to them but not as a guy with a girl. Some of these girls got massively pissed off that i wanted to cuddle instead of giving her what she wanted. Ah well, i know how she feels :P

That used to happen to me pretty frequently. I figured there were a lot of girls in high school who assumed I was gay and struggling with it. I was struggling with something, but it wasn't that. ;)

I miss the intimacy, but I honestly don't miss the sex. But it's hard to find someone who's romantic but not sexual.

Someday. :)

Quote from: learningtolive on November 25, 2013, 05:55:59 PM
To be honest, I'm really not a very sexual person and romance is much more important to me, so I'm okay with waiting until the right moment.

Heh, funny you should mention that. When I was a teenager, I used to think it was really important that I lose my virginity to someone I really loved, and not just the first pretty girl I happened to meet. In retrospect, guys don't usually think like that, do they? ;)

Quote from: Miyuki on November 25, 2013, 06:12:11 PM
Heh, funny you should mention that. When I was a teenager, I used to think it was really important that I lose my virginity to someone I really loved, and not just the first pretty girl I happened to meet. In retrospect, guys don't usually think like that, do they? ;)

I think exactly this way until today! :) I believe in true love and I hate to see sex as banalized as it is today...

Old-fashioned and too naive right? But I am happy that there are still people who thinks this way.

I've kept mine for 36 years now, waiting for that special someone. I'm not too bothered by the thought of letting someone else play with the fiddly bits, as long as it's someone I feel safe with.

I have limited sexual experience, (five sexual relationships at age 36) My first sexual relationship was at age 20, but that was l that was it for a while. So, no it was not particularly delayed, but still indicative of me not being well suited to dealing with others socially. My parents were a mediocre example of a couple, with daily screaming fights, the constant threat of divorce, and fundamentalist religious rules. I don't think that prepared me to deal with well with people.

  I'll tell you one thing I'm glad I waited so long for - making my first post in this thread, seeing as Incarlina just chimed in so I'm not alone as the oldest so far! ;)

  I am still a virgin at 36 and can relate to just about everything that's been said so far.  I've actually never been truly ashamed of it - it's more like I feel society expects me to be, and that's what makes me uncomfortable.  I can only talk about it here because nobody I know in my city will be able to connect this online profile with my real-life identity.  The reality is no matter how I feel about it it will be fully misunderstood and/or used against me.  I've only ever told two people - my mother, only to help convince her of why transition is so life-critical to me, and a past close friend who somehow decided to ask me the question but had no way of understanding the answer.

  I think it would be rather unfortunate if I never did get to make use of my male part at least once in my life, but it's very unlikely to happen.  It's not even so much how I feel about the act that would prevent it - It's that I've found women don't know how to respond to my personality and identity.  Even for the few that seemed to have visions of sex with me, it was very clear that they immediately became confused by my atypical behavior.  It was never going to trigger the right instinctive responses in them and I was never going to be enough the aggressor they required.  For a while I blamed myself for some kind of personal failings but I eventually realized it wasn't my fault.  The truth was always that my particular male identity was not compatible with the vast majority of straight women.  Gay women weren't going to see me as a woman, and everyone else either figured I was gay or just completely ignored me.  Now that I understand my leanings and identity a lot better I would really be interested in testing the waters with queer women but having zero dating experience and no exposure to such a social circle I'm at a complete loss as to how to go about doing that.  I am also extremely hesitant to try dating anyone while I'm actively transitioning.  It's ironic that because people conclude erroneously I don't want to be intimate with them they never even give a chance to forming the emotional and mental beginnings of a relationship with me that might lead there.

  I could go on but this is actually really depressing for me to talk about.

Virgin at 28. Had seven chances during high school to have sex with a girl, but I passed them up. When it came right down to it, I found the act of being with a girl revolting. In that time, I had no doubts or regrets being with a guy. I would like to be with a girl once just to experience that side of sex, but I don't think I could go through with it even now. The thought of touching a vagina kinda grosses me out.

That really gives me moments for pause though. I look at women now and think "Wow, she's attractive!" and try to figure out if I am looking at their bodies in a sexual way or more as an appreciation for their beauty? I usually accept the latter as my dysphoria kicks in when I look at women and just feel the male body I inhabit.

I'm a 30 year old man and I've only ever had feelings towards women, but never wanted to make a move on one. One of my uncles often asks me if I have a girlfriend whenever we meet, but the idea of dating a women just feels wrong somehow. Even the simplest act of kissing a women passionately feels wrong to me.

As for sexual intercourse, forget it!! I can only just about watch a sex scene in a film without feeling repulsed.

My virginity has never embrassed me. Period.

In an MtF's mind (and probably a FtM's, too), having sex or even a sexual relationship with the "opposite sex" is like having sex with the the same sex as themselves. Think about it. You know it makes sense. ;)

Quote from: Acodé on November 26, 2013, 12:27:21 AM
That really gives me moments for pause though. I look at women now and think "Wow, she's attractive!" and try to figure out if I am looking at their bodies in a sexual way or more as an appreciation for their beauty? I usually accept the latter as my dysphoria kicks in when I look at women and just feel the male body I inhabit.

That's pretty much exactly how I look at women, too!! :D I don't think of them in a sexual kind of way very much though. If I was a woman, I wouldn't spend all that time making myself look beautiful just so some guy on the street can think to themselves "man, I'd do it with her any day!!". No thank you!! I don't see women as walking sex machines. I see them more as billboards advertising (meant in the nicest possible way, of course) just how much better the "other side" really is. Then I too get sad about how I look. :(

I'd like to see how many here feel dysphoric about their genitals and also dislike sex, or are disgusted by it. Because I'm not particularly dysphoric about my penis and I have plenty of interest in and at least decent experience with sex. I just wonder if a correlation might exist.

We need polls damnit! xD

Honestly with T in my system I was attracted to woman, ergh, that's really hard to say. Later I decided I was Asexual which is my current disposition.

I'm 19 years old, never had sex and thank God for it. I'm glad I never had sex with another woman, I'm not a lesbian, I plan on transitioning into a straight woman and after SRS I'll see if my virginity changes.

Forunately I'm 11 months on hormones with no desire in woman and I'm probably sterile by now. Truthfully I think it's better to be a virgin because the only sex I want to experience is as a woman.

Ah I was wondering if this thread might morph that way. My situation is this, for I so love women that I don't just want to be with them I want to be one of them. If I ever have a sexual relationship with a male, fine. I'm not particularly dysphoric about my parts, they just aren't what I want, they cause passing problems, and could be better used for my intending purpose. Since my libido is low on HT, I make it a chore to use my parts intentionally between visits with my SO, not as much atrophy to deal with in the future.

Quote from: Ashey on November 26, 2013, 01:00:43 AM
I'd like to see how many here feel dysphoric about their genitals and also dislike sex, or are disgusted by it. Because I'm not particularly dysphoric about my penis and I have plenty of interest in and at least decent experience with sex. I just wonder if a correlation might exist.

We need polls damnit! xD

For me, I'm not overly dysphoric about my genitals, I'm more indifferent to them. They serve only one purpose, though, since sex is never on my mind.

Quote from: Ashey on November 26, 2013, 01:00:43 AM
I'd like to see how many here feel dysphoric about their genitals and also dislike sex, or are disgusted by it.

For me the genitals have always been the smallest (!) issue; Voice therapy, hormones and hair removal have been more important so I can at least feel I look somewhat 'normal'. And in that sense the genitals are mostly just in the way, and it's a bit annoying to have to dress to keep any protrusions away (thankfully my weight helps with that).

As for sex I'm not as interested in the physical part as I am in the emotional part and simply having someone to hold. Sex would probably be quite possible with the right person, but the thought of it makes me a bit nervous. My fear is that I would be expected to take on a male role. So if I would find someone, I assume I would need a loooong conversation to make sure we understand each other first.

Quote from: Phoenix_2812 on November 26, 2013, 12:55:31 AM
That's pretty much exactly how I look at women, too!! :D I don't think of them in a sexual kind of way very much though. If I was a woman, I wouldn't spend all that time making myself look beautiful just so some guy on the street can think to themselves "man, I'd do it with her any day!!". No thank you!! I don't see women as walking sex machines. I see them more as billboards advertising (meant in the nicest possible way, of course) just how much better the "other side" really is. Then I too get sad about how I look. :(

That's how the guys I work with think of women. I just cringe when I hear "Dang! Look at that *body part*" PIGS! ::) But hey, life is just an experience. Luckily, not all guys are like that!

Quote from: Ashey on November 26, 2013, 01:00:43 AM
I'd like to see how many here feel dysphoric about their genitals and also dislike sex, or are disgusted by it. Because I'm not particularly dysphoric about my penis and I have plenty of interest in and at least decent experience with sex. I just wonder if a correlation might exist.

We need polls damnit! xD

I'm "okay" with my penis if I am the only one using. The testes, they're just some hellish growth that disturbs me greatly. I fathomed the thought to grab scissors when I was younger - thankfully, it didn't go much further.

If I am with a guy, his hands better not wonder south. I don't want my genitals touched by another, ever. That is, until I get SRS down the road. Really, right now, I am more interested in being held by a man and cuddling. Grow an emotional attachment first, then see about physical.

I am 23 next month and a virgin still =/ , I always thought I was assexual , but I'm not , I like men. I was offered sex as a teenager from girls in highschool and men , and turned them down , it never felt right to me.

Quote from: Ashey on November 26, 2013, 01:00:43 AM
I'd like to see how many here feel dysphoric about their genitals and also dislike sex, or are disgusted by it. Because I'm not particularly dysphoric about my penis and I have plenty of interest in and at least decent experience with sex. I just wonder if a correlation might exist.

We need polls damnit! xD

I was never really disgusted, but I never, even for a moment, could imagine me using it on a girl to make sex... All the times I dreamed about having a girlfriend, I dreamed of cuddling with her, not making sex with her. I always wanted sex to come after a long relationship and I never really though on the subject because heving a girlfriend is a distant thing for me.

It is strange, because I never though about this until now... Of course my testosterone levels urged me to use my genitals on a regular basis, but I never wanted to try it with a girl and my inibitions and social difficulties never gave me any opportunity (except one). I think I wouldn't fulfill a womans expectancies. It would be probably a terrible experience for both of us.

I really don't know if I want to try it before it is too late...I think it won't be a very good experience at all...specially after HRT, with all the body changes and so on.

I'm also being quite open here because I am sure none of my real life friends can know this is me lol but let's go.

One day the few friends I have made me a surprise. They saved a good amount of money and wanted to give me a present...they wanted to pay me an expensive prostitute, a luxury one (I think they knew I was virgin)....

I think I wouldn't feel fine doing it. I was very nervous, terribly anxious, shaking and almost fainting! I felt embarassed when she came to talk with me. She touched my thighs and wanted to move to my genitals, but I could not allow it. I standed up and made the only thing I could think of...I left the place...

My friends though I was drunk or crazy, but I wasn't. Lucky for me they were drunk and don't quite remember why I denied this "gift". They never talked about it with me again.

For a long time I though I had denied it for being too anxious, but this is not true. I realized after a while that I didn't want to be with a girl that way, specially with a prostitute.

I made a poll! Please feel free to vote! =)

I lost my virginity at 16/17 (I honestly can't remember when exactly) and had 10/11 different partners over the years, but pretty much all of them were drunken 1 night stands generally initiated by the girls involved (I never went looking for that kind of thing, but did do a lot of drinking/drugs when I was 17-21 so I just kinda ended up in those situations).  I would always look back afterwards and imagine myself in my partners position, wishing/imagining that was me in the female role.

The longest relationship I've ever had was 6 weeks, and I've been pretty much celibate for the past 5-6 years.  Something has always just felt 'wrong' when I've been in a relationship with people I'd just met, I've realised that it's only after getting to know someone well enough to be 'friend-zoned' that I actually can have feelings for someone. 

So I'm trans and a victim of serial unrequited love, what a combo!  I would of been a great emo if it was about when I was younger (well, the term was about, but this was when Jimmy Eat World and The Ataris were emo)

Some experimentation in my late twenties, didn't have my first actual real girlfriend until I was 32 which was where I finally got around to losing my virginity. And afterwards I was was "what's all the fuss about??" That relationship lasted less than a year. Basically she didn't take to well to me telling her (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,154402.0.html) I had a transgendered past. Had one girlfriend years after that, for less than six months, and nothing since.

I have to say I was never really that hung up on losing my virginity. I really couldn't understand why guys I knew at school were so hell bent on losing theirs. I was always baffled by how easily most people around me at university would end up having sex. It was an utter mystery to me how or why. Porn depicting hetro sex (or gay male sex) has never interested me. For the last ten years I've felt very little desire to get together with a hero woman, in large part because of the rejection I encountered when she learned of my trans* history. Any other woman I mentioned it to immediately never saw me as a potential partner - understandable I suppose, they're hetro women and they want a hetro guy.

During my first transition I loathed my body. Since that time I've come to accept myself and love my body (plumbing and all) even though I feel like it isn't the right one for me.

I feel kind of sheepish.  I have had multiple partners and lost my virginity at age 15 to a high school crush named Donna. 

So being a susan's place "virgin" ... how could I resist this topic for a first post ?  :D


After 28 years I'm still happily a virgin (well at least in the sense of using my 'bits' ). Over the last week or so I've been to a wedding, and a baby shower, and it's put me a somewhat pensive/reflective mood on why I'm yet to find a SO (or even a passing fling for that matter !). I've always had that cliched internalised dysphoria thing, and externally tend to rock an androgynous look, so that confusion probably came though to any potential partners to say the least.

My bestie thinks i'm crazy for transitioning, for the simple fact that I might struggle to 'meet the one' and settle down. Even after few short months on E, I wouldn't trade off that spine-tingling emotional high !!

Quote from: aprilia on November 26, 2013, 05:50:14 AM
So being a susan's place "virgin" ... how could I resist this topic for a first post ?  :D


After 28 years I'm still happily a virgin (well at least in the sense of using my 'bits' ). Over the last week or so I've been to a wedding, and a baby shower, and it's put me a somewhat pensive/reflective mood on why I'm yet to find a SO (or even a passing fling for that matter !). I've always had that cliched internalised dysphoria thing, and externally tend to rock an androgynous look, so that confusion probably came though to any potential partners to say the least.

My bestie thinks i'm crazy for transitioning, for the simple fact that I might struggle to 'meet the one' and settle down. Even after few short months on E, I wouldn't trade off that spine-tingling emotional high !!

Welcome to Susan's! Have a Daiquiri (virgin, of course ;))

From one of the barely non-virgins... it's better to be yourself before you get involved long-term with someone. I've had one partner and she's very, very hurt by my coming OOTC. :'(

Virgin at 22 (nearly 23). 5 years ago I never would have thought this would be the case but my transition didn't start till later than I would have liked.

I never had any confidence in myself with relationships, and I wouldn't say I was (or still am, yet) a fan of my body so it's not surprising. The 2 real relationships I have had never went anywhere because i couldn't be honest with them who I really was and that stopped me from committing to the relationships. And I couldn't do one night stands.

Funny how most people are uncreative when it comes to sex. I've had the pleasure to enjoy Tribadism and very lesbian sex and not use my thingy or use it in a non-hetero normative way because I'm damn creative. Even the way I go solo with my magic wand is nowhere near male and I'm not talking about anal either...

Glorifying a failure to adapt should not translate into female validation. There is much more to sex than PIV sex it's so strange how you all claim to be virgin because of your bits yet I see so many phallocentric comments in this thread.

EDIT: It's a lot more likely that you had sex if you're a lesbian though. Being straight is bound to make things more complicated.

My preference was always to pleasure my female partners with kissing, caressing, digitally, etc - it certainly worked - got them very aroused and was enough to bring them to orgasm in many instances. But being hetro women for them it was still foreplay, they needed actual intercourse to "seal the deal" even if they had already come. sigh!

Quote from: Jessica M on November 26, 2013, 07:40:40 AM
Virgin at 22 (nearly 23). 5 years ago I never would have thought this would be the case but my transition didn't start till later than I would have liked.

I never had any confidence in myself with relationships, and I wouldn't say I was (or still am, yet) a fan of my body so it's not surprising. The 2 real relationships I have had never went anywhere because i couldn't be honest with them who I really was and that stopped me from committing to the relationships. And I couldn't do one night stands.

Similar to me, I was afraid and didn't want to be dishonest. So I stayed away from relationships. Also when I was in my pre-teens I did some online dating and my best friend online cheated on me with my online girlfriend, and that always stuck with me. Even if it was just a silly online relationship.

So here I am still, no girlfriend no relationship, but don't really feel bad not having one. Maybe I should?

Quote from: Seyranna on November 26, 2013, 11:07:15 AM
Funny how most people are uncreative when it comes to sex. I've had the pleasure to enjoy Tribadism and very lesbian sex and not use my thingy or use it in a non-hetero normative way because I'm damn creative. Even the way I go solo with my magic wand is nowhere near male and I'm not talking about anal either...

Glorifying a failure to adapt should not translate into female validation. There is much more to sex than PIV sex it's so strange how you all claim to be virgin because of your bits yet I see so many phallocentric comments in this thread.

EDIT: It's a lot more likely that you had sex if you're a lesbian though. Being straight is bound to make things more complicated.

I was not glorifying anything. I was just curious and wanted to confirm if there are more virgins among MTFs than in cis people, what until now seems to be absolutely true.

But I am happy for you being creative and having the right opportunities to try differents ways of sex. I am very creative too, but my fantasies (most are related to bdsm) aren't possible with a male body and I would struggle to find someone willing to try any of them with me on my current state.

You made me curious now! =) I am considering asking some advices! (I'm serious!)

I lost my virginty at 13 to my best friend(cis female). We had an incredibly close relationship. I think back now and cringe about how young we were but, it felt right to us at the time. More than anything, I was curious about her body and how it worked. Somehow spending time with her intimately, made me feel  less horrified by my own body. I still miss her and the relationship we had. I don't think I've ever felt that close to someone since.

I'm 25 and lost my virginity at 17. I've had several female partners and have never felt dysphoria about my penis.

Quote from: Henrietta48 on November 25, 2013, 04:54:07 PM
I just honestly have no desire to penetrate anything. now being penetrated is a different story.

lol That's exactly how I feel. I used to think that meant I was a "bottom". If only I knew the truth back then. I used to think I was weird because I had no desire to use my parts even to receive oral sex which it seems like is every guy's favorite thing in the world. It was never something I had any desire to do and the thought of it made me feel uncomfortable.

Quote from: Acodé on November 26, 2013, 12:27:21 AM
Virgin at 28. Had seven chances during high school to have sex with a girl, but I passed them up. When it came right down to it, I found the act of being with a girl revolting. In that time, I had no doubts or regrets being with a guy. I would like to be with a girl once just to experience that side of sex, but I don't think I could go through with it even now. The thought of touching a vagina kinda grosses me out.

That really gives me moments for pause though. I look at women now and think "Wow, she's attractive!" and try to figure out if I am looking at their bodies in a sexual way or more as an appreciation for their beauty? I usually accept the latter as my dysphoria kicks in when I look at women and just feel the male body I inhabit.

I used to wonder this myself,but luckily now I have no doubt I love men and only men.  It's not like I was ever attracted to women but I questioned if my attraction to guys was just a lust thing which was probably due to ignorant views people have about homosexuality that I let get inside my head. I realized it was more than just sex I craved from men, I wanted love and companionship from them as well. Basically I was just like every other straight girl, but the confusion came from not knowing exactly who I was. I saw one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in person last week when she came to my work. She looked like a model, truly stunning. However, as gorgeous as she was, I wasn't attracted to her sexually or romantically. I just recognized she was very beautiful, but I love men and I always will.

I'm beginning to think that I was the only ts that
Attracted men as a teen. I didn't mean to. Just men noticed me
Around 15 and chased me. They probably seen exactly what I am.
It is something else to have a man dominate you sexually
As first experience.  Quite natural in my view points.
The trademark of a child transsexual ...wishes to have
Relationship with a normal male as a female.
Completely passive homosexual sexuality .

I thought this was normal as any ts transitioned or not
Really stands out from the crowd.  Guys chased us....
As they said the best peice of a#$ they ever had was from
A young tgirl

Kind of surprised that this apparently is a thing, but you can count me a member of the club. 28 years old now, and never done it. Nor do I plan to, at least until the surgery. And it's not like the opportunity hasn't presented itself. Both of my high school girlfriends were extremely forward, but I always backed off. And my long-time girlfriend, who I was together with for 6 years, ALWAYS asked me to do it, and yet I never felt comfortable going any further than hand-to-genital touching. And even then, it was always me touching her. I was frankly embarrassed of my own anatomy, and didn't even feel comfortable showing it, let alone using it.

I know for me it was true. My first time was post op

So far, after 45 votes, we have 66.7% of virgins amongst MTFs, with the biggest group ranging from 20-30 years old. Only 33.3% are not virgin to this date and even on this group the majority don't make sex quite often.

I think we already have a significant number of votes and we can conclude that indeed the prevalence of virgins are greater here than with cisgender people. I don't know the rate for cisgender males, but I am quite sure it is much lower than the one we got.

Thanks everyone for voting and commenting :)

Fell free to post any more comments or vote if you haven't voted yet!

Over 30 years old, only one sexual partner - who I met and lost my virginity to at 25. Was never really that interested in sex before, still not that interested now really. Just thought I had a low sex drive...

[Became kind of a long ramble, but I had to let it out]
Same here with the 13 YO virginity loss and the cringing, I remember I had never even touched myself before or thought about it then some 15yo really cute girl was hitting on me on and on and I just kind of let things happen, lacking any real consciousness of what was going on or where it was going, except that it was sort of exiting but sort of awkward.

Then with other people it would be roughly the same thing for years, I would always find sex kind of awkward no matter who I was with, wether female or male, hot or not, for sex or for romance... and they (my partners) constistently did not find it awkward and would say things like it's ok and come back for more: why everyone was pretty OK (everyone meaning about 15-20ish people total) with it and I, always I and always me, noone else, felt awkward?  That was odd, I felt guilty about it and did not want to make my partner feel down by always refusing sex because it was not like there was anything wrong with them, they were not "pressuring" me or forcing for it or anything, I just did not want to let someone I cared about down because of some silly unexplainable "awkwardness" issue I, and always and only me, had in the relationship. So I tried to kind of give in and compromise and just try to be a good partner!

Then after many years I realized I did not feel at all confortable with my male role and body then purposefully decided to stop playing into that, after which everything became much better, even "OK to good" sometimes instead of just "awkward"! Hopefully after I get this "male body" thing fixed, it will be even better. I suspect it will be better in spite of the drop in T and that I am not talking myself into believing into a nice but unrealistic situation. If anyone has had a similar experience about feeling weird first then after HRT and physical changes getting into sex, I'd love to hear about it.

I've seen a few comments going that way and it's been incredibly relieving, I would not want sex to become even more of a turn off after getting low T levels, but making it exiting by just not having male equipment, face, voice, etc. When you manage to get your mind/body into it can feel really great and blow off tons of steam and create connection and intimacy with your partner and all that, I would not want to give it up :l.

Cheers!

I am 56 years old, have fathered 3 children (all adults now) and been married most of my life. My wife knew something was wrong with me because I would go through long periods of being unable to be intimate. My ability to be intimate rose and fell like a sine wave through the course of my life. And that sine wave matched how well I was able to try to be male. There were periods were I was very gung ho male, including 8 years in the Army. But even while in the service I had periods of celibacy because I loathed myself. My periods of celibacy would last from weeks, often to months, and in a few cases, over a year. My spouse responded by having affairs, not because she wanted to leave me (at least at that point) but to try to make me jealous and want her.

And of course now we will eventually divorce, when she has completed some school refresher work and can get back into the job market on her own.

Since beginning my transition there's been no need for intimacy and for that I am thankful. I don't want to be with anyone until I am right with myself down there and that's a ways off yet.

Quote from: xchristine on November 26, 2013, 08:12:40 PM
I'm beginning to think that I was the only ts that
Attracted men as a teen. I didn't mean to. Just men noticed me
Around 15 and chased me. They probably seen exactly what I am.
It is something else to have a man dominate you sexually
As first experience.  Quite natural in my view points.
The trademark of a child transsexual ...wishes to have
Relationship with a normal male as a female.
Completely passive homosexual sexuality .

I thought this was normal as any ts transitioned or not
Really stands out from the crowd.  Guys chased us....
As they said the best peice of a#$ they ever had was from
A young tgirl

your not the only one. i actually had a crush on my gym coach/history teacher in 7th grade. he transferred me out of his class when he figured it out. the man was hot  >:-)

I started having sex in my first teen (13Y).

It has never been about just the sex but about the emotional connection, the gender or sexual orientation of my partners was secondary.

My penis was there, and while there was no love between us, no hate either, and I figure while it was there I may as well put it to some use, and get and give some pleasure...also it helped me conceived 5 kids... :o

I am eagerly waiting to turn it into a velvet purse  :D

I was a virgin until SRS. Although I had dated and slept with women, I never did 'it'. I always thought genitals were gross. I think viewing a porn mag put me off for life. Talk about acquired tastes. :laugh: