Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I bet the subject through you off huh?

Haha, so I am ftm all the way. I am currently saving up enough money to do my top surgery. I dont want to start T until after my top surgery is done. This is something I knew from when i was younger that I wanted to be a guy and everybody at work, public, relationship all refer to me as male because I clearly look male and carry myself as male. Which I love!!

With that said, I am currently in a relationship for about a year an a half now. I straight up love this chick. We've known each other for about five-six years. She currently has a daughter, she is five. I love this little girl as if she was my own and I refer to her as my daughter. The thing is, stuff slips up like when people are talking to both her and I they say things like "your daughter looks so much like you" & "I bet she gets thats from her mom" It makes me kinda sad because I know that I'll never be able to say things like that or hear stuff like that. I feel a bond between our daughter and I but my girl consistently brings up like "Not trying to be rude, but you don't understand because you dont know" and I know she means no harm by it but man it hurts and her (babys daddy) isnt around, which is great for me but he sometimes pops up and my girl brings stuff up like "Well he is the father" and idk it just sucks and when I am looking at her and our daughter I can tell theres a bond there that i can never really understand.

This is so true, I am not actually the father nor did i give birth to this child. We don't have the money nor do I want to save up for many years to have the money to have her carry my egg.

My brother said that we could use his, for at least it stays in the family, he is perfect he looks like me so much, people always ask if hes my twin, but really its not the same. "Thats your uncle" really knowing thats your dad!!!

So I watched the L word (I know I am a little behind) lol but I seen Max get preg. (NOT EVER THE WAY I WANT TO DO IT!) but it really took me off balance, right away I was so against it but thinking about it I think I'll be okay with it but I dont want that to ruin my manhood!! I dont want to be known as the mom after the kid is born I would want to be the dad n i dont know if my girl would be ok with it.

Thinking about it. I think I would its nine months yea thats long but I could always hide it while I go out (best I can) and I'll finally be able to have a kid thats actually mine. Of course I will look for a sperm but I just am unsure how to bring this to my girl without her thinking that I want to be a female because I dont but I do want to have a kid that is actually mine. Any ideas of how to bring it up to her? Does any other FTM feel this way? I dont know sorry for it being so long. Thanks guys.

This was a dilemma for me for a while. I always wanted to be a dad but I wanted it to be "my kid" or thinking that if I adopted or had a sperm donor it wouldn't really be my child. But, I've come to realize that a father is different than a parent. Raising a child and caring for it makes it your child, and just because you don't have the same DNA doesn't make you any less its father. Now, if you're all for carrying a baby thats your deal. But the bond isn't just because you have the same blood, its love and knowing you'll always be there for each other.

Quote from: TrojanMan on November 26, 2013, 09:16:30 PM
This was a dilemma for me for a while. I always wanted to be a dad but I wanted it to be "my kid" or thinking that if I adopted or had a sperm donor it wouldn't really be my child. But, I've come to realize that a father is different than a parent. Raising a child and caring for it makes it your child, and just because you don't have the same DNA doesn't make you any less its father. Now, if you're all for carrying a baby thats your deal. But the bond isn't just because you have the same blood, its love and knowing you'll always be there for each other.

That is very true, I dont know if I indeed want to carry, I am I say I dont mind now but I kinda think maybe it'll ->-bleeped-<- with my head a little bit because I am so set in knowing what I want to be.

Becoming pregnant and having a child does not take away your manhood and doesn't make you any less male.  You are trying to figure out a way to have a child with your DNA.  You have to work with what you've got, ya know?  Bully for you for being confident enough in yourself and who you are to consider doing this, instead of missing out on something that is important to you.  Hopefully your girl will be supportive.

QuoteBecoming pregnant and having a child does not take away your manhood and doesn't make you any less male.

How many cis-bodied men get pregnant? None. Ever. They don't have a vagina, a uterus, and the ability to create eggs. The inability to become pregnant makes them male by definition.


However, the desire to have children just because you want a 'special bond' is selfish and immature, in my opinion. That may hurt feelings here, but there are millions of homeless, unwanted children on this planet. Your reasons for wanting your own biological child basically tells them 'you're not good enough for me to love.' Does that sound like something a caring, responsible, loving adult should tell a child?
There are also plenty of women out there who do give birth and feel absolutely no bond for their child. It's a taboo subject, since it makes them 'bad mothers' and 'freaks' but it's very real.

Also, you love the girl you're dating, but when she tells you things you've talked about here ('you'll never understand') that's not love coming from her. That's a harsh comment that's being used to undermine your comfort. She has no right to talk to you like that because it DOES bother you.

Quote from: randomroads on November 27, 2013, 09:03:45 AM
However, the desire to have children just because you want a 'special bond' is selfish and immature, in my opinion. That may hurt feelings here, but there are millions of homeless, unwanted children on this planet. Your reasons for wanting your own biological child basically tells them 'you're not good enough for me to love.' Does that sound like something a caring, responsible, loving adult should tell a child?
There are also plenty of women out there who do give birth and feel absolutely no bond for their child. It's a taboo subject, since it makes them 'bad mothers' and 'freaks' but it's very real.

I don't agree with this assessment. OTOH, I agree that there are many unwanted children in the world because the drive is there (I think producing estrogen and so on actually may push some of these-- but i also agree there are women who don't bond with their babies, and that does make them "bad mothers" in society's eyes.)

There are trans guys who do have babies. I think it is generally very hard on them, and I don't personally understand it too much, but they eventually get thru it. Besides being seen as FEMALE there are also huge amts of female hormones which get dumped into the body, etc. So it's not easy.

You could still be a "parent" without that as someone talked about.


--Jay

Well, here's my unpopular opinion.

I've never understood how a trans guy could have the desire to give birth. Just the thought of myself being pregnant gives me some seriously intense dysphoria and the dysphoria I feel if I imagine myself actually giving birth is enough to make me physically sick.

That being said, I understand that dysphoria affects people differently. What triggers it for me might not trigger it for someone else. If a trans guy wants to give birth, he has every right to. But I will say that it doesn't help the general population take us seriously as men. Giving birth is the epitome of being female. I'm all for gender bending and breaking norms but the fact remains that giving birth isn't physically possible for human males so it makes me cringe when I hear of trans guys who had to fight and go through so much to be taken seriously as men turn around and declare that they want to give birth.

Quote from: Contravene on November 27, 2013, 01:27:42 PM
Well, here's my unpopular opinion.

I've never understood how a trans guy could have the desire to give birth. Just the thought of myself being pregnant gives me some seriously intense dysphoria and the dysphoria I feel if I imagine myself actually giving birth is enough to make me physically sick.

That being said, I understand that dysphoria affects people differently. What triggers it for me might not trigger it for someone else. If a trans guy wants to give birth, he has every right to. But I will say that it doesn't help the general population take us seriously as men. Giving birth is the epitome of being female. I'm all for gender bending and breaking norms but the fact remains that giving birth isn't physically possible for human males so it makes me cringe when I hear of trans guys who had to fight and go through so much to be taken seriously as men turn around and declare that they want to give birth.

Don't think for one second that there aren't any male-identifying cismen in the world who wouldn't willingly be pregnant if they could. The difference is transmen can have the possibility. We're born with what reproductive organs we get; some of us choose to use them, some don't.

I kinda understand.
where I live adoption dosen't seams as an option if you are transgender, even when I don't care so much about genes but more about bonds when it comes to famely.
-
my choice is basically never to have kids, to move somewhere ells or to get pregnant.

I got a pretty huge dyshoria for pregnacy, but even so I had considered it slightly because I been with a guy who had a kid, and for the time I did get a small view on how it would feel to be a famely.

for the moment I wont have kids due to practical reason like money and such ::)
but I think when I get alittle older I may miss it.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on November 27, 2013, 02:15:00 PM
Don't think for one second that there aren't any male-identifying cismen in the world who wouldn't willingly be pregnant if they could. The difference is transmen can have the possibility. We're born with what reproductive organs we get; some of us choose to use them, some don't.

Sure, I had a good friend of mine, he told me he really wanted a child and if he could he would become pregnant.
sure he cant so his only option is to find a girlfriend which he now have..

Quote from: Contravene on November 27, 2013, 01:27:42 PM
Well, here's my unpopular opinion.

I've never understood how a trans guy could have the desire to give birth. Just the thought of myself being pregnant gives me some seriously intense dysphoria and the dysphoria I feel if I imagine myself actually giving birth is enough to make me physically sick.

That being said, I understand that dysphoria affects people differently. What triggers it for me might not trigger it for someone else. If a trans guy wants to give birth, he has every right to. But I will say that it doesn't help the general population take us seriously as men. Giving birth is the epitome of being female. I'm all for gender bending and breaking norms but the fact remains that giving birth isn't physically possible for human males so it makes me cringe when I hear of trans guys who had to fight and go through so much to be taken seriously as men turn around and declare that they want to give birth.

Out of curiosity, what's the epitome of being male? Hugs, Devlyn

There's not a hope in hell that I would give birth, but if that's what you want then go for it, but realise it will be very, very hard. Someone here is/was currently pregnant and he made some posts about how difficult it was a month or so ago. Not just socially, but mentally as well. It's tough on cis females and their male husbands, let alone a trans male actually carrying the child themselves.

I wonder if the safest thing, for your wellbeing (I don't mean to sound like I think you're weak, I just don't think any trans man with dysphoria can survive such a flood of female hormones and having an experience perceived as the most feminine there can be without some detrimental psychological effect), is to reconsider what family means. I know from personal experience that blood and DNA isn't what makes people good parents, it's putting the time, effort and love into it which makes good parents and families. Cis male fathers often have trouble bonding with their child initially because they haven't carried it for months like the mother, who already "knows" the child, so maybe a newborn whom your wife carried from a donor would actually be a more accurate father experience.

I agree with randomroads and it also makes it less posdible to be takin seriously considering that woman bare children, It's like Thomas Beatie that was uncalled for and that's a major reason we get laughed, He only thing I can say is it's not about putting a seed in a woman it's about what you you do after my sister doesn't see her dad as her dad because he left he's just a man

If people don't take you seriously, that's on you. I take Thomas Beattie seriously, are you saying you don't? Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 27, 2013, 05:20:57 PM
If people don't take you seriously, that's on you. I take Thomas Beattie seriously, are you saying you don't? Hugs, Devlyn

I never said that but you saying your a man and giving birth adds more confusion I don't think that's helping people understand us, Transmen specifically but do whatever floats your boat

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 27, 2013, 04:50:06 PM
Out of curiosity, what's the epitome of being male? Hugs, Devlyn

At the risk of sounding like a complete jerk... I think that the epitome of being male, from a purely physical standpoint, is having a fully functioning penis.

Of course, that's just how I feel though and it probably gives some insight into my messed up mind. People value different things so everyone has and is entitled to their own opinion of what the epitome of being male or female is.

QuoteIf people don't take you seriously, that's on you. I take Thomas Beattie seriously, are you saying you don't? Hugs, Devlyn

I know this question wasn't addressed to me but I don't take Thomas Beatie seriously and I don't have much respect for him. If he wanted to give birth to his children, that's his choice but he didn't need to use it as a publicity stunt. I don't appreciate him putting the spotlight on FTMs in the that way he did. It's painful that because of him trans men are inadvertently being portrayed as freakshows or oddities rather than as real men. It's similar to how many FTMs dislike Buck Angel for fetishizing trans men. We want to be taken seriously, we don't want someone who claims to be an advocate for us plastered all over TMZ, vying for attention.

I agree that he shouldn't have made it into some news-worthy story, I avoid any comments about him like the plague.

Quote from: Contravene on November 27, 2013, 09:03:40 PM
At the risk of sounding like a complete jerk... I think that the epitome of being male, from a purely physical standpoint, is having a fully functioning penis.

This is what makes people not take transmen, ect.. serious.

Quote from: thatboyfresh on November 28, 2013, 12:59:09 AM

This is what makes people not take transmen, ect.. serious.

That doesn't make sense and I wonder if you even read the rest of my post. Why would that cause people to not take transmen seriously? It's my opinion on something that causes me dysphoria.

Most of my dysphoria centers around my lack of a male reproductive system but I plan on waiting until technology advances before even considering bottom surgery so finally having bottom surgery and a penis would complete my transition which is why having one is the epitome of me becoming a man. I expected to sound like a jerk because people usually roll their eyes when a guy talks about how much he values that particular part of his body. But get offended all you want, it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel complete without one and I'm sure I'm not the only trans guy to feel that way.

So, care to elaborate on why me wanting a penis makes people not take transmen seriously?

Quote from: Contravene on November 28, 2013, 01:28:34 AM

That doesn't make sense and I wonder if you even read the rest of my post. Why would that cause people to not take transmen seriously? It's my opinion on something that causes me dysphoria.

Most of my dysphoria centers around my lack of a male reproductive system but I plan on waiting until technology advances before even considering bottom surgery so finally having bottom surgery and a penis would complete my transition which is why having one is the epitome of me becoming a man. I expected to sound like a jerk because people usually roll their eyes when a guy talks about how much he values that particular part of his body. But get offended all you want, it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel complete without one and I'm sure I'm not the only trans guy to feel that way.

So, care to elaborate on why me wanting a penis makes people not take transmen seriously?

It's not about wanting one , if I could have one I would. But to say that it's the epitome of being male is what so many people use as an argument to say transmen are not "real" men, being a "real" man is about having a penis.
I wasn't downplaying your dysphoria I am sorry if it came off that way. I know it is different for everyone! but in your previous post it sounded like you were making a generalized statement of I think that the epitome of being male, from a purely physical standpoint, is having a fully functioning penis meaning that men aren't really men unless they have one, not that for YOU this is what would make you feel like a complete man.

Quote from: Contravene on November 28, 2013, 01:28:34 AM

That doesn't make sense and I wonder if you even read the rest of my post. Why would that cause people to not take transmen seriously? It's my opinion on something that causes me dysphoria.

Most of my dysphoria centers around my lack of a male reproductive system but I plan on waiting until technology advances before even considering bottom surgery so finally having bottom surgery and a penis would complete my transition which is why having one is the epitome of me becoming a man. I expected to sound like a jerk because people usually roll their eyes when a guy talks about how much he values that particular part of his body. But get offended all you want, it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel complete without one and I'm sure I'm not the only trans guy to feel that way.

So, care to elaborate on why me wanting a penis makes people not take transmen seriously?

Your not the only one I feel that way, I know I'm male but I wanna feel whole, Wanting a penis would make people take transguys seriously, Atleast that's why people take me serious

Quote from: Brandon on November 27, 2013, 05:23:10 PM

I never said that but you saying your a man and giving birth adds more confusion I don't think that's helping people understand us, Transmen specifically but do whatever floats your boat

It definitely creates confusion. Not  sure this is a horrible thing, but I agree it probably does. I am of the opinion that the whole gender thing is much more complex than two discrete genders, but then that's me.

I don't have any problem being taken seriously. I am OUT as trans, people know I am trans. It seems to me they just ignore it. The treat me as male because I look male. Maybe if they thought about it for awhile, it would occur to me that I don't have the same equipment, but I don't think people are bothered by it for the most part. A couple people have asked me about "the surgery". OY!


--Jay

I look at male and female in the medical sense, as referring to body and chemical structure as sex defined characteristics and man and woman as gender definition. Does being pregnant make you less of a man? Well no. There are dudes, though extremely few, who say they would do it if poss...and even fewer actually would if it was possible. But it is, by definition, the most feminine thing someone could do. Only a female body can get pregnant. By definition, medically speaking, this is truth. So saying being pregnant doesn't make you less male, is false. It makes you the exact polar opposite of male, which is why so many transguys have a problem with it. Being pregnant is only possible in a female body with way more female hormones than a regular female. I personally can't wrap my head around why any transguy would want it. I know we're all different but personally I understand a CIS-man considering the idea more understandable than a transguy, for cis-men are thinking of the unknown while transguys know what it is to live in a female body. If they're dysphoric enough like that, why amplify it? 

The brother option sounds like the best bet in my opinion, better for you and baby. You can't be on T and pregnant so going on t would be delayed, and if you have top surgery you wouldn't be able to breast feed which is always best for the baby when possible. 

It also could send the wrong message to the already present daughter that you are so desperate to have a kid that's part you, like they're not good enough for your love because you're not the real dad.

Family is nothing to do with blood and that should be an absolute last connection factor in my opinion. I live thousands of miles away from unaccepting blood related family. I now have surrogate parents who are more family to me than anyone blood related.

I also hate Thomas Beattie. If you wanna be a pregnant transguy, go ahead and do it in private. But trying to be some unwanted advocate for pregnant tranguys all over TV and magazines wasn't asked for and it sure as hell didn't help us.

Quote from: thatboyfresh on November 28, 2013, 12:07:20 PM
It's not about wanting one , if I could have one I would. But to say that it's the epitome of being male is what so many people use as an argument to say transmen are not "real" men, being a "real" man is about having a penis.
I wasn't downplaying your dysphoria I am sorry if it came off that way. I know it is different for everyone! but in your previous post it sounded like you were making a generalized statement of I think that the epitome of being male, from a purely physical standpoint, is having a fully functioning penis meaning that men aren't really men unless they have one, not that for YOU this is what would make you feel like a complete man.

I wasn't making a generalized statement for all transmen but I can see how it might come across that way. I thought my previous posts here would put things into context though since I said a couple times that others will feel differently than I do about these things and that I was speaking for what causes me dysphoria.

The rest of the quote was

Quote from: Contravene on November 27, 2013, 09:03:40 PM
At the risk of sounding like a complete jerk... I think that the epitome of being male, from a purely physical standpoint, is having a fully functioning penis.

Of course, that's just how I feel though and it probably gives some insight into my messed up mind. People value different things so everyone has and is entitled to their own opinion of what the epitome of being male or female is.

I guess that wasn't clear enough but I don't want to derail the thread anymore over a piece of a post that was taken out of context.