Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi! If your parents didn't take the news well, how long did it take for them and the siblings to come around; if they ever did?

Well I haven't told my parents yet. We haven't been on the best of speaking terms for more than a year now anyway.

My wife's family though I am out to. Most of them were accepting but still don't want me dressing out in front the kids. And they don't want the kids to know that their uncle is now an aunt. :(

So far though I find that it varies. My wife still has trouble with it while her father is completely accepting of my situation and supportive. Weird.

So, just like with any other relationship it's up to each individual to make an adaptation to live and deal with the concept of changing genders.

My mom was rather instantaneous, but it took my step dad on a rollercoaster. At first he was nice about it (I think he was in shock), but then by the next day had many second thoughts and used some very strong language that broke me down into tears. I was still presenting male at that point. It took another 4-5 months before I felt like it was much better with him, and he started talking to me more- I knew he cared. Then at 7 months I went home to visit and passed during every public interaction right in front of him, then I knew I had his full acceptance. I will never forget the smile and amazement on his face that day.

I have adopted parents. They did not and never will accept me. They once told me they felt like they had gotten a defective product from the store and wanted a refund. We do not speak any more. I am using the emotions from it to strengthen my resolve to transition fully though. There is just no time for tears right now, but I am sure someday when I am happy they will fall.

It's been nearly a week since I sent my sister an email, no response yet. That's about the extent of my communication in the issue with my family so far.

Quote from: Urban Christina on November 27, 2013, 08:12:56 PM
Hi! If your parents didn't take the news well, how long did it take for them and the siblings to come around; if they ever did?

My family just doesn't get it. I think they're going to be very surprised when they see me in person again. I really need them to accept me. No matter what I've done in my life they've never been proud of me, because I chose to not be a Mormon when I was 14. My family is dead to me in so many ways. It still hurts but I'm stronger now. I forgive them.

Quote from: brianna1016 on November 28, 2013, 12:42:13 AM
My family just doesn't get it. I think they're going to be very surprised when they see me in person again. I really need them to accept me. No matter what I've done in my life they've never been proud of me, because I chose to not be a Mormon when I was 14. My family is dead to me in so many ways. It still hurts but I'm stronger now. I forgive them.

I think that is very healthy.

We will always find people who cannot accept us and certainly family reaction can be very painful. But we are people who are growing into our lives and dealing with life in a way that only transgender people can understand.

I think that forgiving those who are blind or ignorant of what we are facing is a very good way for us to grow inside ourselves as the wonderful people that we are.

Quote from: Urban Christina on November 27, 2013, 08:12:56 PM
Hi! If your parents didn't take the news well, how long did it take for them and the siblings to come around; if they ever did?

2 weeks ago(?) or Nov 13 i'll never forget the date. I was planning on going to a concert and wrote them a letter. Long story short, they read the letter and my mom wasn't crying nor was shocked. She just told me she loved me unconditionally and wanted me to be happy. I know it must've hurt her a little to read that. She and my dad both support me. My dad was shocked (i think he was expecting me to be gay since i was always so feminine) and said "i understand you more than you think i do". It was a nice moment and it made me cry. Something i'll never forget. Unfortunately they don't want me doing anything too drastic soon and want to me to think about what i'm doing to my body before i do it. Even though i', 100% ready to do it. I think hearing me say one thing but when i start changing would be another. They don't like seeing me dressed up in women's clothing yet but I'm guessing its because they still have to let what i said sink in. They still call me by male pronouns which is annoying. I haven't told my sibling yet tho i think they won't have a problem with it at least my sisters won't. Today my parents still treat me the same as if i haven't told them anything going on with me.

Haven't told them yet...not this time. Told my mother last time and she had a near melt down worrying what my father and grandmother would think. She now thinks I'm "cured" and I'm not telling her or the rest of family until I'm ready to go full time. I believe they will not take it well.

both my parents have passed. My entire family new I had a severe problem with cross dressing since I was 4. My sisters might make me a party joke, but I haven't talked to them in 20 years because of other issues . My brother is gay , so its not an issue with him.

My mom was not happy to keep it mildly. No, there was no shouting, screaming etc, in fact, she told me that she can accept a lot and I believe if I told her that I have issues with my orientation that would have been taken easier. Instead, she focused on my obligations and how am I going to fulfill them and that there are too many other people who might suffer if things would go in my direction. It went quite tense - to the extent that we were not even able to communicate via phone - someone always got angry with the other.

Now we see and chat every week, she brings some stuff from thrift shops and we both try things on, and she even slips a female pronoun from time to time (I dunno, if that's just slipping or she is doing that intentionally to see my reaction).
As for my father - I never knew him.

My family is very small: just me, my mother, grandmother and grandfather. I am extremely bounded and linked to them. Extremely... I have one real friend - my neighbor - and a few friends from the college...just that. Really no one I can open up and talk about it.

I am terribly afraid of the day I will come out. Sometimes, more than once, I find myself wanting to stop HRT and give up just to avoid the reacton of my family.

What happened me so far is finding a therapist to help me. I had to pay for one (not very cheap for someone that is unemployed at the moment) and she was the first person I could talk about it and that really gave me attention. I will return to her tomorrow, by the way. I opened up with her and she helped me to see that I was not crazy going on with this thing that sometimes I call a madness and sometimes I call a blessing. I hope she can help me emotionaly..

But I fear the day I will tell my mother. She will freak out and will try at every cost to stop me. She will probably stop giving me money so I can't keep up with HRT and probably she won't talk to me anymore...The worse is that I think I won't have the courage to face her in the eyes ever again if she don't understand me.

My grandmother and grandfather are very closed-minded and will do even worse.

My friends from college will end up with me and probably they will think of me as a complete lunatic. My neighbor is the only one that might understand me, but he is very catholic and this (sorry if I am offending anyone here) made him closed-minded to a lot of things...probably he will think that wanting to change sex is against the laws of God.

My situation is fearsome and I also envy poeple who are distant to their parents, people who don't need them as I need mine and people who could open up and be understood. This will not be my case, if this can confort anyone.

I really wish I didn't have a family. Really!!! So I could go on and live my life as it should have been :(

Thoughts like this one always makes me feel really bad...makes me want to hide myself inside a cave forever and never go out again...

I told my siblings last summer (2012) and all but one took it very well and supports me.

I was planning to tell my mother shortly after my siblings but she fell ill due to a routine colonoscopy gone bad. I kept hoping the moment would come because I was pretty sure she would have continued to love and accept me, just as she taught her children, my siblings, to do. But she never fully recovered from the botched procedure and passed away last December without me ever being able to tell her. That's one of my regrets, not being able to be her daughter instead of her son, for most of my life.

Quote from: LizMarie on November 28, 2013, 04:19:28 PM
I told my siblings last summer (2012) and all but one took it very well and supports me.

I was planning to tell my mother shortly after my siblings but she fell ill due to a routine colonoscopy gone bad. I kept hoping the moment would come because I was pretty sure she would have continued to love and accept me, just as she taught her children, my siblings, to do. But she never fully recovered from the botched procedure and passed away last December without me ever being able to tell her. That's one of my regrets, not being able to be her daughter instead of her son, for most of my life.

I am really sorry for your loss :( My father will never know he had a daughter too. It is a wound that never heals...the only thing we can do is learn to live with it.

Quote from: Urban Christina on November 27, 2013, 08:12:56 PM
Hi! If your parents didn't take the news well, how long did it take for them and the siblings to come around; if they ever did?

Wow, some toughs stories in here. My mom took it well and supports me, I rarely speak or see my dad and he was never there during the important moments in my life so he will not be involved in this one either, maybe one day I'll give him a surprise when am done with the procedures.

Quote from: Natalia on November 28, 2013, 03:47:03 PMI really wish I didn't have a family. Really!!! So I could go on and live my life as it should have been :(
Thoughts like this one always makes me feel really bad...makes me want to hide myself inside a cave forever and never go out again...

Do you really think not having a family would have made it easier for you to get an education, have a roof where to sleep, have food, have a job? Even in richer countries the social security systems for parentless kids leave tons to be desired, from the little experience that I have it is mostly about getting a roof and a school for masses of "kid-cattle" in an anonymous, cold environment where noone really cares on an emotional level for you or gives you good life experience. The few people willing to do so have at their hands dozenss of kids to attend to per day.

I grew most of the time without my family and I think that regardless of their opinions on my transition, there is some kind of material or otherwise support you cannot get on your own and makes it tough for you. Personally, I left at 14 because I could with my work and studies, but always felt like it was tough, even if I did make my things on my own, the life experience and wisdom was not there, makes it for a tougher ride. I think maybe it would have been easier to wait a little bit and stand their opinionated stuff a while more, than to work 16/24 and 7/7 to survive. Just my experience, though.

By the time that I finally accepted myself as a transgender woman and was willing to go public with it,  my parents were looking down upon me from the heavenly realm.   Three of my four brothers and sisters are on Facebook where I am publicly a transgender woman.   None of them has defriended me and my youngest sister congratulated me on finally being myself.   She knew about me for a long time.   My kids all know and so do some of my past students who I am friends with on Facebook.   Life is what it is.   I am a transgender woman, and with my long past of  trying to be a male known.  No matter what changes I make to my body, that's what I will always be.

My parents are deceased. My only living female relatives are one Aunt & one woman cousin. Today we all had a nice Thanksgiving meal. I spent most of the time in the kitchen with them & some other women. I was dressed in neutral tone however they may have noticed my somewhat larger breasts & nipples. My nipples have been hard all day for some reason. They commented that I looked nice & had lost some weight. I was totally feminine with them all afternoon. I told them I was planning some other major changes & improvements to my life. They did not want to know any details since there were several other people around however both told me that whatever made me happy & content was OK/good with them.

Soon I hope to sit down with my Aunt along & just explain everything to her. Then maybe I can also talk with my cousin, she is nice & I think she will understand.

These are the only living relatives that I care about & if they are comfortable all my family issues will be resolved.
That will be a very good day. I really love my Aunt & one cousin, they are very nice women.

Quote from: ganjina on November 28, 2013, 04:33:53 PM
Do you really think not having a family would have made it easier for you to get an education, have a roof where to sleep, have food, have a job? Even in richer countries the social security systems for parentless kids leave tons to be desired, from the little experience that I have it is mostly about getting a roof and a school for masses of "kid-cattle" in an anonymous, cold environment where noone really cares on an emotional level for you or gives you good life experience. The few people willing to do so have at their hands dozenss of kids to attend to per day.

Well, I really love them and care a lot... I think I didn't express myself very well.

I see all my friends so distant from their families, living alone, some very far away...and somehow I envy them.

Not that I wish I didn't have a family...I wish I didn't have a very present family at this moment of my life. I wish I wasn't living on the same house, I wish I wasn't so linked with them... that would definately make things much easier for me.

It is somewhat of a sick relationship...my mother wants to know all my steps, she don't give me any freedom or space and I feel it is suffocating me. I know she only loves me, but this excess of love and care is not good for me with my age. I want to take my own decisions, I know what is right for me...and I can't get free without hurting her feelings.

it took my dad a a week to start speaking to me again, and almost 2 years to start seeing me as daddy's girl. two of my siblings on the other hand will never see me as a girl just to try and spite me. and gradparents on my moms side said they figured i was a tulip lol. they totally were on board from the get go. 50/50 with my family

I'm really worried something bad went down; mom keeps adressing me as "my boy" in texts, emails, and phone messages. I don't know if she knows and is reacting protectively, or for some reason if felling overly protective.

My dad was really the only one in my family to fully except me right off the bat. I have one aunt and uncle who support me after about 6 months. My stepmother took about 4 months to open up to me again. Then on the other hand my mother and my brother have yet to come around and i highly doubt they ever will.
The rest of my family and i stopped talking cuz of political differences before i came out so i really don't know how supportive they are.
There are other family members i still talk to, but not as closely as before....kinda helps that i didn't have a close family to begin with.

I'ma inject some positivity here:
My mom and dad both took the news and kept on speaking with me, and we're still on good terms. The siblings they've told (2 girls, 1 boy) are accepting if not supportive. My aunt took it well at first, then hardened - I haven't spoken to her in a while. And I have one uncle+aunt who're really supportive, while the rest (granddad too) are not exactly happy.

I kept my folks, though. I can't overstate how much that means to me. :)

Quote from: ZoeM on November 28, 2013, 09:07:13 PM
I'ma inject some positivity here:
My mom and dad both took the news and kept on speaking with me, and we're still on good terms. The siblings they've told (2 girls, 1 boy) are accepting if not supportive. My aunt took it well at first, then hardened - I haven't spoken to her in a while. And I have one uncle+aunt who're really supportive, while the rest (granddad too) are not exactly happy.

I kept my folks, though. I can't overstate how much that means to me. :)

girl thats great. i love when parents are there for their kids right off the bat. and willow she might still be trying to get use to saying she/girl. i know that bad habit can take some time to break for people. you can just keep nicely correcting her/ reminding her

My baby sister, who might as well be my baby girl has accepted me with caveats. She accepts me for me; however, she is extremely concerned about potential violence directed at me for being transgender. As she herself put it, "If you hit the lottery and never had to work, had your nice home and arsenal, I would not worry about you. But other people will want to hurt you and that makes me very scared" Still, she walks with me through the campus and has on more than one occasion gone shopping with me for girly stuff.

My father, oh my very conservative - "Texas should secede!" ::) father, has been one of the most supporting people since coming out. More than anything, he just wants to make sure wherever I am, that I'm well armed.

My mother, my dear mother who I love so much! My enlightened - "I went to college in Houston! Gay people and transgenders need to respected and treated well" mother has been a major emotional hurdle. She is completely unaccepting it seems and will actively criticize any feminine affectations in my "masculine" guise. (Just wait till she sees my new earings or me in a more form fitting shirt :o)

Last but not least are my cousins. We were very much like siblings growing up and the two I was closest to were the ones I have come out to so far. My alpha-male, Army ranger, older cousin completely surprised me and has been like my dad about this (are you sufficiently armed? What fighting styles have you learned yet?). My younger female cousin (who I would often purloin makeup from and occasionally borrow clothes without asking :laugh:) has also been accepting. I just recently visited her, she remarked on the changes and asked me "are you happy?". When I said yes, she brought me a pair of her diamond white gold earrings and gave them to me as a gift. We then joked about the fact some of my aunts would have me try on clothes they had bought for her as a gift to check sizing when we were kids. She joked that I should go to a family gathering, point my finger at the three of them and say "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" >:-) Her, my wife, and I just started giggling as we pictured the scene.

As to the rest, I have yet to find out. I want to tell family in person and preferably not over Christmas tamales. I have a big extended family, and this could be awhile. :-\

Quote from: Yukari-sensei on November 29, 2013, 12:11:55 AM
My baby sister, who might as well be my baby girl has accepted me with caveats. She accepts me for me; however, she is extremely concerned about potential violence directed at me for being transgender. As she herself put it, "If you hit the lottery and never had to work, had your nice home and arsenal, I would not worry about you. But other people will want to hurt you and that makes me very scared" Still, she walks with me through the campus and has on more than one occasion gone shopping with me for girly stuff.

My father, oh my very conservative - "Texas should secede!" ::) father, has been one of the most supporting people since coming out. More than anything, he just wants to make sure wherever I am, that I'm well armed.

My mother, my dear mother who I love so much! My enlightened - "I went to college in Houston! Gay people and transgenders need to respected and treated well" mother has been a major emotional hurdle. She is completely unaccepting it seems and will actively criticize any feminine affectations in my "masculine" guise. (Just wait till she sees my new earings or me in a more form fitting shirt :o)

Last but not least are my cousins. We were very much like siblings growing up and the two I was closest to were the ones I have come out to so far. My alpha-male, Army ranger, older cousin completely surprised me and has been like my dad about this (are you sufficiently armed? What fighting styles have you learned yet?). My younger female cousin (who I would often purloin makeup from and occasionally borrow clothes without asking :laugh:) has also been accepting. I just recently visited her, she remarked on the changes and asked me "are you happy?". When I said yes, she brought me a pair of her diamond white gold earrings and gave them to me as a gift. We then joked about the fact some of my aunts would have me try on clothes they had bought for her as a gift to check sizing when we were kids. She joked that I should go to a family gathering, point my finger at the three of them and say "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" >:-) Her, my wife, and I just started giggling as we pictured the scene.

As to the rest, I have yet to find out. I want to tell family in person and preferably not over Christmas tamales. I have a big extended family, and this could be awhile. :-\

yeah sometimes the ones you least expect to accept you surprise you. im sorry about your mom. i hope she comes to terms soon

Quote from: Tristan on November 28, 2013, 09:24:03 PMand willow she might still be trying to get use to saying she/girl. i know that bad habit can take some time to break for people. you can just keep nicely correcting her/ reminding her

The strange thing is that, to my knowledge, I'm not out to her yet, unless my sister told her about my email. If so, she's either in denial, or just not used to it.

willow im sure they must suspect something then. thats normally the only reason they start acting like that. like how my dad banned sleepovers. lol
even when they suspect something but dont want to admit it. they can be like that  :P

Quote from: Tristan on November 29, 2013, 12:20:44 AMwillow im sure they must suspect something then. thats normally the only reason they start acting like that. like how my dad banned sleepovers. lol
even when they suspect something but dont want to admit it. they can be like that  :P

Could be related to the fact that I'm pretty sure that my dad thinks I'm gay.

Quote from: Tristan on November 29, 2013, 12:14:35 AM
yeah sometimes the ones you least expect to accept you surprise you. im sorry about your mom. i hope she comes to terms soon

Thanks Tristan! I think she will eventually, even if she's hurting me now. She says she's against it because she's afraid I will be ostracized by the other nurses in the unit. She flipped when she found out I had presented female to the nursing program director. :'(

What I told my therapist on many occasions is, "when I have my makeup on, when I'm smiling with everyone and I see my reflection... I see a younger version of my mother." Eventually, seeing is believing and she will, God be willing, see the daughter who loves her standing in front of her instead of the tortured son she seems to want.

Yukari im not sure what state you live in or if its in the city but i know that when i was nursing school they were aware that i was trans (at least the DON was) and it was not a big deal. i mean if you pass ok patients dont seem to notice. and as for problems on the unit i dont see why they would have a issue with you being trans? Willow yup. the thinking your gay thing is often the first thought parents get. at least it softens the blow thats coming.

Quote from: Tristan on November 29, 2013, 01:19:25 AM
Willow yup. the thinking your gay thing is often the first thought parents get. at least it softens the blow thats coming.

Yup, I sometimes thought that it would have been easier for my mom to accept that I was gay or bi. She actually admitted that she has nothing against women and if she had a chance - lol - if that is not an admission of being bi-curious then I dunno what it is :).  Of course, trans is something much more serious and sadly, but I was never gay :(. I might be bi, but that avenue needs some more exploration to be absolutely sure :P. 

Quote from: Natalia on November 28, 2013, 06:10:14 PM
Well, I really love them and care a lot... I think I didn't express myself very well.

I see all my friends so distant from their families, living alone, some very far away...and somehow I envy them.

Not that I wish I didn't have a family...I wish I didn't have a very present family at this moment of my life. I wish I wasn't living on the same house, I wish I wasn't so linked with them... that would definately make things much easier for me.

It is somewhat of a sick relationship...my mother wants to know all my steps, she don't give me any freedom or space and I feel it is suffocating me. I know she only loves me, but this excess of love and care is not good for me with my age. I want to take my own decisions, I know what is right for me...and I can't get free without hurting her feelings.

Huh I feel you, been through roughly the same. All I can say is that whenever you decide to leave, a lot of unrelated obstacles you did not have to deal with will come up, financial and otherwise, so be prepared for that. Also I found the best starting point to be "having a job" to be independent. At my uni a lot of us took a loan to pay it and worked our @sses off for that... kind of long, exhausting road, but is not it worth it...

yup. Emily im sure things will get better for all of you. i know these problems are common when parents or family find out. wish i could say everyone was all smiles when they found out but i cant. but they do tend to come around if they open the mind a little and care enough too.

My parents said they accepted me 100% from the beginning, and they were very supportive. They did, however, take about a year to come around on name/pronouns. I was OK with that because they were loving and encouraging otherwise, and it's hard to change some habits. (My mother ended up giving us a big chunk of money to replenish our savings account after we paid for GRS, and then came to visit from 600 miles away to check on me and fuss over me post-op, which is when I knew she was finally comfortable with it all...)

My wife's parents never spoke to us again, and disowned her. I hear they tell people now she's dead, and I am some sort of freak. Whatever; they were abusive jerks to begin with.

My mom and her wife are both supportive, they just want me to be safe. I have yet to bring it up to my dad and brother yet since I feel they will be a little less understanding.  I'll be talking about how I might go about this with my therapist the next time we talk.

Interesting! I come from a very conservative family who tried everything to stop me and it took my mom a few months to come around and fully supports me now but dad still hasn't. In 2011 he stopped paying for my education, fixing my car, and talking when I came out. However, he knew I was going to be at our big family Thanksgiving gathering this year but showed up anyway and even gave me a hug unexpectedly on my way out. Although he doesn't talk to me much yet and says he isn't ready; showing up, being friendly, and giving me a hug were huge for him. I wonder if there is hope he will fully come around and it has been two years already since I came out? :/ Many thanks to you all for sharing sisters! :)

Quote from: Jennygirl on November 27, 2013, 11:53:36 PM
My mom was rather instantaneous, but it took my step dad on a rollercoaster. At first he was nice about it (I think he was in shock), but then by the next day had many second thoughts and used some very strong language that broke me down into tears. I was still presenting male at that point. It took another 4-5 months before I felt like it was much better with him, and he started talking to me more- I knew he cared. Then at 7 months I went home to visit and passed during every public interaction right in front of him, then I knew I had his full acceptance. I will never forget the smile and amazement on his face that day.

Aww, I'm sorry and you weren't the only one having issues with her father/stepfather but so happy he came around :) That gives some of us some hope.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on November 28, 2013, 12:00:00 AM
I have adopted parents. They did not and never will accept me. They once told me they felt like they had gotten a defective product from the store and wanted a refund. We do not speak any more. I am using the emotions from it to strengthen my resolve to transition fully though. There is just no time for tears right now, but I am sure someday when I am happy they will fall.

I'm sorry, you aren't the only one. What my dad did and said hurt me more than any human being did too.

Quote from: LizMarie on November 28, 2013, 04:19:28 PM
I told my siblings last summer (2012) and all but one took it very well and supports me.

I was planning to tell my mother shortly after my siblings but she fell ill due to a routine colonoscopy gone bad. I kept hoping the moment would come because I was pretty sure she would have continued to love and accept me, just as she taught her children, my siblings, to do. But she never fully recovered from the botched procedure and passed away last December without me ever being able to tell her. That's one of my regrets, not being able to be her daughter instead of her son, for most of my life.

Aww. I wish my deceased grandparents got to know the real me too.

I feel so lucky that up to this point my whole immediate family is 100% accepting of me right now. Sure I still get called by my legal name and he this and him that but hey they actually mean it when they say they support my decision as long as it makes me happy. Most of all I'm happy that I'm finally out with them all and that we don't have to tip toe around each other anymore. I felt really bad that I had told my parents almost 2 months ago but I hadn't told my sister and brother in law when they need to know what was going on in my life.

Quote from: Urban Christina on December 01, 2013, 03:07:35 PM
Interesting! I come from a very conservative family who tried everything to stop me and it took my mom a few months to come around and fully supports me now but dad still hasn't. In 2011 he stopped paying for my education, fixing my car, and talking when I came out. However, he knew I was going to be at our big family Thanksgiving gathering this year but showed up anyway and even gave me a hug unexpectedly on my way out. Although he doesn't talk to me much yet and says he isn't ready; showing up, being friendly, and giving me a hug were huge for him. I wonder if there is hope he will fully come around and it has been two years already since I came out? :/ Many thanks to you all for sharing sisters! :)

sounds like your wearing him down. you will be a daddys girl before you know it. and Megumi thats awesome your family is on board :)

I was so scared to tell my family all those years ago and I remember this all so clearly. Initially I was going to wait for them to pass on as I was so scared of their reaction and if they would support me. I'm so glad I didn't wait because I'd have been a very miserable person by now or even dead. 
My parents immediately said they loved me and as long as I was happy that was fine. My 2 brothers and sister were completely the opposite. Initially my brothers said they would support me but then when they realised what it entailed quickly went the other way and were hostile. Both my brothers got married and I was the only family member to not be invited. That hurt like hell.
I've not seen them or my sister (also hostile and insulting) for over 25 years. I cannot forgive them and I cannot forget how they treated me. My Mom even took a long train journey to visit me in hospital after my GRS.
The only family member who has been brilliant has been my niece (daughter of my sister). We got back in touch fairly recently and she completely accepts me as her aunt. I get on well with her son who doesn't know anything.

For me the real surprising thing was when I came out at work all my work colleagues were amazingly supportive and treated me as just one of the female staff and I contrasted that with my siblings reactions. That in a way made it much worse to accept and forgive them.

Quote from: Natalia on November 28, 2013, 06:10:14 PM
Well, I really love them and care a lot... I think I didn't express myself very well.

I see all my friends so distant from their families, living alone, some very far away...and somehow I envy them.

Not that I wish I didn't have a family...I wish I didn't have a very present family at this moment of my life. I wish I wasn't living on the same house, I wish I wasn't so linked with them... that would definately make things much easier for me.

It is somewhat of a sick relationship...my mother wants to know all my steps, she don't give me any freedom or space and I feel it is suffocating me. I know she only loves me, but this excess of love and care is not good for me with my age. I want to take my own decisions, I know what is right for me...and I can't get free without hurting her feelings.

I'm in the same boat. I live with my family now. When I came out to my parents about a year ago, and was flirting with transition back then, my dad was totally cool. He then read up on trans people, and gave me space, and let me talk about it when I wanted to and didn't when I didn't. He even said "I always wanted a daughter, just never thought I get one by way of a son first." My mom on the other hand was too supportive in the intrusive sense, and occasionally passive aggressive. She would come up to me and say things like, "do you want me to show you how to do your hair?" or "If you want to order some clothes for yourself you can do it and I'll pretend they're for me so your brothers don't know."

Now to clarify, yes I know she was trying to be supportive but the way she would say these things bugged me because she would say it so saccharine in this I'm being supportive through my teeth way, and she had her own idea of what me being female entailed and she would try to force it on me, meanwhile I was still trying to figure out my own version of what that meant and work through that on my own.

But then she would also say things that were passive aggressive like "It's going to take a really special guy to be able to look past all of this." Or "I could see you passing as a relatively pretty girl with some facial surgery." Or also "I mean you'll be a big woman, but I think you'll pass in time." Or "I don't know how you think you're going to afford this because your father and I can't help you." etc. Basically it got to a point then where I abandoned the idea of transitioning because she made me feel like there was no way that could be a path to happiness because I began to believe all those digs.

This time I'm pursuing transition again but haven't told either of my parents, because I need to put one foot in front of the other on my own here and gain my own confidence in this path before I can deal with micro-aggressions. I know I'm starting HRT super soon, and I live with them so they'll notice changes soon, but this time I'm far more secure in this decision, and when it hits the fan I know I can stand my ground.