Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well last week I went bowling for my uncles gfs birthday, And I guess were going again but I guess I'm upset because I realize none of them will ever see me as a guy in my family, I hate being refered to as my birth name or she it's downright annoying to the fullest I can't stand it especially seeing all the other guys their with their families having a good time out of all things this has to be the main thing that hurts me lack of acceptance and its just so hard to let go of that I mean its family sometimes I wish God would gave my mom someother baby instead of me I mean foreal someone else can make her happy because I sure can't do it and this a major thing that has been wearing me down, I'm not sure what to do, I'm getting sick of everything and everybody, It's really not fair at all honestly......

I know where you're coming from. I hope things get better for you Brandon.  :icon_hug: Things can be especially tough this time of year for many people, we're here if you ever need to talk.

These people have known you for a long time. The memories are burned in. People can change, it usually takes a while, though. Many here have left family and friends behind to start a new life. You may have to do the same.  Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: LearnedHand on December 09, 2013, 07:40:32 PM
I know where you're coming from. I hope things get better for you Brandon.  :icon_hug: Things can be especially tough this time of year for many people, we're here if you ever need to talk.

I hope so....

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 09, 2013, 07:41:04 PM
These people have known you for a long time. The memories are burned in. People can change, it usually takes a while, though. Many here have left family and friends behind to start a new life. You may have to do the same.  Hugs, Devlyn

My family is really devoted in being a Christian, Looks like ill have to

It's a decision you'll have to make. The bond of family is strong, but so is faith. Leaving your loved ones is hard. Learning to live away from them becomes easy very quickly. Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Brandon on December 09, 2013, 07:44:05 PM

My family is really devoted in being a Christian, Looks like ill have to

Not all Christians hate trans people, even devoted ones. There may be hope, even if it's gonna take time. I sure hope you can figure out how you can be yourself and stay with your family.

Quote from: CursedFireDean on December 09, 2013, 08:52:09 PM
Not all Christians hate trans people, even devoted ones. There may be hope, even if it's gonna take time. I sure hope you can figure out how you can be yourself and stay with your family.

Trust me man I know my family, They are not down with that

Quote from: Brandon on December 09, 2013, 08:53:56 PM

Trust me man I know my family, They are not down with that

I'm sorry man :(

Quote from: CursedFireDean on December 09, 2013, 08:55:43 PM
I'm sorry man :(

Its alright man

Quote from: Brandon on December 09, 2013, 07:36:24 PM
Well last week I went bowling for my uncles gfs birthday, And I guess were going again but I guess I'm upset because I realize none of them will ever see me as a guy in my family, I hate being refered to as my birth name or she it's downright annoying to the fullest I can't stand it especially seeing all the other guys their with their families having a good time out of all things this has to be the main thing that hurts me lack of acceptance and its just so hard to let go of that I mean its family sometimes I wish God would gave my mom someother baby instead of me I mean foreal someone else can make her happy because I sure can't do it and this a major thing that has been wearing me down, I'm not sure what to do, I'm getting sick of everything and everybody, It's really not fair at all honestly......

2

Yeah - that is one of the more frustrating aspects of transitioning. Most folks here have struggled with their family. Give it time. Testosterone will help alot. Even the people in my family who don't "agree" feel pretty silly if they call me "she" since I have beard and a deep voice.

And yes, try to see it from their perspective (This is one of those maturity things, that will help you in all aspects of your life). It may not seem fair that you have to consider their crappy feelings, but doing so, will help you understand and give them some leeway.

Focus on continuing your transition and do your best to ignore them.

I think family are always the final frontier, but you can use those comments to develop your shields, we need to develop a thick skin and an attitude that we are comfortable with being us and no one else's opinion is important.

I think all trans*people need to keep in mind 'Be true to yourself' that is what carries us through those tough times.

Sorry you are feeling so low about this. I know how tough it can be because I have had a similar experience. My family are Christians and they are not accepting of LGBQT ect... at all. I know it makes you feel sad to feel like you won't ever be taken seriously . I ended up moving out on my own. And even though my mother doesn't accept my "lifestyle choices" as she puts it, we are closer now then before.

Like Chuck said even though it seems unfair , you have to see it from their eyes. Imagine your brother, sister, mother, father came out to you as trans . It would be a lot to take in for you. Even though you love them and care for them it would take time for adjustment and understanding. So it doesn't mean they don't love you . In an earlier topic you said your dad was willing to take you to a therapist? That is some improvement so keep working on it maybe starting with him. Good luck !

I believe holidays are often the hardest times as you have everybody who seems to want to be together, even though though don't necessarily get along. Just sorry to hear this and hang in there dude.


--Jay

Quote from: thatboyfresh on December 10, 2013, 01:57:12 PM
Sorry you are feeling so low about this. I know how tough it can be because I have had a similar experience. My family are Christians and they are not accepting of LGBQT ect... at all. I know it makes you feel sad to feel like you won't ever be taken seriously . I ended up moving out on my own. And even though my mother doesn't accept my "lifestyle choices" as she puts it, we are closer now then before.

Like Chuck said even though it seems unfair , you have to see it from their eyes. Imagine your brother, sister, mother, father came out to you as trans . It would be a lot to take in for you. Even though you love them and care for them it would take time for adjustment and understanding. So it doesn't mean they don't love you . In an earlier topic you said your dad was willing to take you to a therapist? That is some improvement so keep working on it maybe starting with him. Good luck !

My dad and mom don't live together, He's more liberal but he still has said some pretty messed up stuff if you will, He don't support me but he accepts that's it, My mom on the other will never accept it or support it thats a fact she even said I'm still gonna call you your birth name and as her daughter, And that me being so called trans is embarrasing, But oh well I guess





Edited for profanity

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Quote from: Brandon on December 10, 2013, 02:29:43 PM


My dad and mom don't live together, He's more liberal but he still has said some pretty f***** up stuff if you will, He don't support me but he accepts that's it, My mom on the other will never accept it or support it thats a fact she even said I'm still gonna call you your birth name and as her daughter, And that me being so called trans is embarrasing, But oh well I guess

He may not see it that way because of his views, but taking you to see a therapist is a form of support. He could accept it and do nothing about it. But he obviously realizes that this is something that means a lot to you. I know it sucks when your own family says nasty things . Sorry

Quote from: thatboyfresh on December 10, 2013, 03:03:33 PM
He not see it that way because of his views, but taking you to see a therapist is a form of support. He could accept it and do nothing about it. Be he obviously realizes that this is something that means a lot to you. I know it sucks when your own family says nasty things . Sorry

Yea he might be the only one who's ok with it

Quote from: Brandon on December 10, 2013, 02:29:43 PM


My dad and mom don't live together, He's more liberal but he still has said some pretty f'ed up stuff if you will, He don't support me but he accepts that's it, My mom on the other will never accept it or support it thats a fact she even said I'm still gonna call you your birth name and as her daughter, And that me being so called trans is embarrasing, But oh well I guess

Definitely give it time.  You can also try to compromise with your mom, like I've compromised with my mother that she won't call me my birthname or she in public.  She refers to me as her child, or says 'this one' and points at me when referencing me in public. 

Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on December 10, 2013, 04:41:47 PM
Definitely give it time.  You can also try to compromise with your mom, like I've compromised with my mother that she won't call me my birthname or she in public.  She refers to me as her child, or says 'this one' and points at me when referencing me in public.

I'm not even gonna do that it always turns into an arguement so I'm done trying to explain myself, My family will never get it ever, Trust me I know

My parents are devoted Christians (so am I) and they're the same way. My grandmother is, too, and one aunt and uncle pair. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with religion, though... I think it's just hard for them. I couldn't imagine leaving them though. Not sure how old you are... it's easier if you live on your own and don't have to deal with it all the time. They understand that I'm not going out in public with them if they're going to use the wrong pronouns and wrong name. If they want to do that, it stays in the house. Truthfully, it doesn't bother me much. Have you started testosterone yet (if you're planning on it)? Being on T has made it easier for me to deal with things like this. Your mileage may vary though.

No I graduate in 2015 ill be starting HTR then

My family had a hard time taking the news when I came out in February this year. My dad said I looked sick and hasn't spoken to me since. The family friend who became my stand-in dad when my parents divorced only speaks to me to tell me "happy birthday" or "happy (insert holiday)", but that's it. He's deeply religious, and it's a double whammy because I'm a gay man too.

My mom took it pretty hard too. I don't think she's religious, either. We've never been a practicing family. She and I had lots of heated arguments in the beginning. I let the situation between us cool down for a while before approaching the topic again. She was worried it was a phase, or that I was making a mistake that would render my body disfigured for nothing. Her exposure to the trans* community is limited, so I was aware she didn't know very much about it. I decided that I needed to include her in the whole process for her to become comfortable with it and to become more aware. I listened to her concerns when she said she wanted me to speak to a professional therapist who had experience dealing with trans* identified people and to be sure it wasn't something else, like that I was a masculine woman. I kept the lines of communication open with her, and update her on anything as it changes. I tell my mom what I'm comfortable sharing with her about discussion topics with my gender therapist, and what my therapist has to say about things. I also encouraged her to help in deciding my name (my family kept joking that my name made me sound like a creeper lol). It took a while for her to understand, and she still has a ways to go. It's just this month that I was able to convince her to go to the SOFFA (Significant Others, Friends, Family, and Allies) monthly support group at my GLBT center. She lives in Texas and I live in Colorado thanks to my husband being military, so she went through the hassle of attending over Skype. My husband told me that she said she considers herself to have two sons and a daughter (my older sister), and finally started using my preferred name and pronouns throughout the discussion.

I think patience and compromise are probably the best bets in dealing with family. I'm not saying don't be yourself or don't pursue what makes you happy, but try to listen and understand their feelings on it too, and see if there's any sort of compromise that can be reached to make them feel less tense about the situation. Like my mom wanting me to get confirmation from a therapist. It was going to happen anyway, but me being open and honest with her about what was going on and my progress with the doctor definitely helped her realize it wasn't some phase, and that this wasn't going to go away. Best of luck to y'all, and I hope you find some way to open your family's eyes to what you're going through and that transition is right for you. :)

Quote from: Brandon on December 10, 2013, 05:29:56 PM
No I graduate in 2015 ill be starting HTR then

You mentioned your Dad being supportive. Will he sign for you to start taking T now? 

Quote from: Brett on December 13, 2013, 04:58:47 PM
You mentioned your Dad being supportive. Will he sign for you to start taking T now?

I live with my mom she won't let me I don't live with my dad

Quote from: Brandon on December 13, 2013, 06:09:03 PM
I live with my mom she won't let me I don't live with my dad

Is there any way you can live with your father?

Quote from: AlexanderC on December 14, 2013, 12:35:16 AM
Is there any way you can live with your father?

He still won't do it because he respects my mom to much I' m just gonna wait till I'm 18 guys, You din't understand how tuff my family I gaurentee you, You won't

It's not 100% bad, as I have heard/read that T can affect your growth, so you might become a bit taller this way. So may you shoot up a few inches or a half foot!

--Jay

My parents are religious Christians and both have accepted me and love me because I am their kid.  They don't get it and likely never will.  They've said their peace, I've said mine.  They see I am happy now and that's all that matters.  So even though they are currently not supportive, doesn't mean they won't ever be.

And there are lots of Christians who like and accept trans and gay people, and there are many clergy who are gay or trans.  It just takes some looking around to find them, but they are out there.


Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on December 15, 2013, 11:18:44 AM
My parents are religious Christians and both have accepted me and love me because I am their kid.  They don't get it and likely never will.  They've said their peace, I've said mine.  They see I am happy now and that's all that matters.  So even though they are currently not supportive, doesn't mean they won't ever be.

And there are lots of Christians who like and accept trans and gay people, and there are many clergy who are gay or trans.  It just takes some looking around to find them, but they are out there.


Jay

Well I know that but not my family