Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So right now, I'm still early in my transition, trying to pluck up the courage, wardrobe, and funds to go full time (bureaucratic expenses add up!).

But I'm always looking ahead.  And right now, I'm really not sure what to think.  I've asked this on other boards but I wanted to get some insight here too.

I'm really not that attached to my genitals.  I don't miss spontaneous erections and I don't really use what I've got except for stimulation.  I actually like the way the hormones have changed my sexual response and I often think about what it would be like to have a vagina.  From where I stand, I can't imagine having any regrets.

But the thing is, I've been told so many times that with the risks involved and the likely complications, SRS isn't worth it unless you're desperate and can't stand to live any other way.  And I'm not just hearing this from cis folks trying to change my mind, I'm hearing it from post-op MtFs who wish they had never been born.  That really scares me.

The thing is, I already had to wait until I got to a suicidal crisis level of dysphoria before I decided to start HRT.  It was NOT fun and I would rather avoid it.  But I have no way of knowing how I'll feel afterward and I've been told if I have ANY doubts not to do it.  But I don't think those doubts come from me, they're not my doubts, they're doubts I've been taught to have.  But they're real, and they're with me now.

So my question is, assuming I feel the same way about it when I'm eligible, should I take my learned doubts seriously and only get SRS when there's no other way and I feel like I'll die without it, or should I go ahead when I've met my mandatory 1 year full-time and just trust myself to a good doctor to get the job done right so I have nothing to worry about?

Hi,

There is no compulsion for SRS, if you want it get it, if not don't. There are however a number of hate sites that troll about the 'horror' of having had SRS. Hate sites tend to be filled with people who have no actual experience beyond hate.

I personally know several woman who have had srs and none regret it.

That said you need to pass a psychiatric evaluation prior to going for srs and you need to be truthful in your responses to the psychiatrist for your own sake.

Quote from: Cindy on December 10, 2013, 01:53:33 AM
Hi,

There is no compulsion for SRS, if you want it get it, if not don't. There are however a number of hate sites that troll about the 'horror' of having had SRS. Hate sites tend to be filled with people who have no actual experience beyond hate.

This wasn't a hate site, this was actual people I spoke to.

QuoteI personally know several woman who have had srs and none regret it.

I've met several, and they all complain about how the trans community treats them like they're invisible.  Given the responses to that effect I keep getting, I can see why.

I had complications after surgery. Would I do it again? hell yes (although I would prepare better for the pre-op meds that tasted like ass; just saying...)

But everything said surgery is a choice you have to do yourself. Could something go wrong? Yeah and so could something go wrong simply driving to the airport too. Nothing bad could happen too but the possibility of regret is a risk of any big decision. If you don't have a lot of expectations out of surgery that all the good that happens will be appreciated. Hopefully.

If you feel that surgery will be one part of complete happiness, by all means go for it (just don't do it because I'm putting it this way).

I advise you to read the ToS in the announcement area, you were given a link to it by another Mod.

I implied nothing in my reply to you at all about your mental health. I purely stated the current SOC (v7).

I will advise you to carefully consider your posts.

Cindy
Global Moderator

Quote from: Cindy on December 10, 2013, 02:18:44 AM
I advise you to read the ToS in the announcement area, you were given a link to it by another Mod.

I implied nothing in my reply to you at all about your mental health. I purely stated the current SOC (v7).

I will advise you to carefully consider your posts.

Cindy
Global Moderator

I'm sorry.  The mental health thing is a trigger for me.  I have explained elsewhere on the forum where I am coming from.  The post was already revised when you made your reply.

Thank you honey,

I understand.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on December 10, 2013, 01:44:54 AM
So my question is, assuming I feel the same way about it when I'm eligible, should I take my learned doubts seriously and only get SRS when there's no other way and I feel like I'll die without it, or should I go ahead when I've met my mandatory 1 year full-time and just trust myself to a good doctor to get the job done right so I have nothing to worry about?

I've puzzled this same question. I don't hate my genitals, but I do hate NOT having female genitals, if that makes sense. But I know I don't need SRS. I went though a period of intense soul searching and fact gathering. I finally decided that the chance of being at peace with my body outweighs the risks and unpleasantness of the procedure.

Here are some of my musings, if it helps:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,144907.msg1184148.html#msg1184148 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,144907.msg1184148.html#msg1184148)

and later

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,148903.msg1254924.html#new (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,148903.msg1254924.html#new)

I'm booked for a 6/19 surgery date, so you know which path I chose.

What exactly are the most common concerns for SRS? (Physically speaking)

Just wondering, as I sort of assumed there weren't a great many issues with the procedure, but I haven't really read anything on it.

No one can tell you when the time is right for SRS or even if you ever need one. Only yourself.

As someone who has had her GCS was the thing that for me brought peace to my mind over body dysphoria.

GCS if a major surgery and holds all types of risks. As said by others here it comes down to expectations. I know there are many who hold to many unrealistic expectations and have been disappointed with there outcomes. There has also been some who rushed into GCS faster then they should and come to now regret there decisions.

With all that has been said. GCS is something that will change your life for the GOOD or the BAD. What ever you feel you need to do is a choice you should make yourself.

I wish you the best.
Izzy

when your ready your ready.  :angel:

I would agree that the number of people who had complications is higher that is publicized. Many are afraid to talk about it or ashamed, some are unhappy even. For some it is temporary. For me it was temporary in that I had severe complications but they were dealt with oder some months and after that time, things went well and I am happy now that I did it, even though the complications were something to be endured. The only regrets I have is that I should have done it some years later in Thailand and get the better technique. For me a major driver of transition was the body dysphoria - I needed breasts, I did not want a penis, I needed a vulva and vagina - that need to have the body that is me was strong enough to let me take the risks of SRS .

I also agree that it's a very personal decision, and I won't pressure anyone.

That said, my story is that I wasn't desperate, I could certainly imagine a life worth living if I didn't get GRS/had to wait longer, and I had doubts right up until the day of the surgery. I'm still satisfied with my results and VERY happy now that I did it. So I obviously I can't think those conditions *always* mean someone will regret it.

(My final method for deciding was to ask myself if I thought I'd be happier afterward. Not blissfully happy, not everything is perfectly wonderful, just "even if this doesn't go as planned, would I be better off staying like I am now?" I decided that, yes, doubts and all, I was pretty sure it'd be an improvement.)

Hi,

I understand where you are comming from.  I think you should live as a woman, enjoy life as a woman and save money for surgery.  Over time, the correct decision will work itself to the top if you allow it to do so.  If you decide you want it, the money is there.  If you decide that it isn't for you, the money is to play with.

Big Hugs,

Jen 

Quote from: Mogu on December 10, 2013, 04:04:34 PM
What exactly are the most common concerns for SRS? (Physically speaking)

Just wondering, as I sort of assumed there weren't a great many issues with the procedure, but I haven't really read anything on it.

From what I understand:
*loss of sensation/orgasm (this is more common in MtFs who are dissatisfied with their orgasms on HRT so I should be OK)
*rectal-vaginal fistulae
*Scarring or "closing up"
*Botched vaginal width
*Botched vaginal depth
*Botched neo-clitoris
*Complications from multiple surgeries to fix things botched the first time
*Botched urethra relocation/urinary problems
*Infections
*Rectal or vaginal tearing requiring emergency surgery


A lot of the serious complications are rare but not at all unheard-of.

Also take into account of are you willing to do the daily maintenance. Do you want to dilate 3-5 times a day for 3 months? Can you afford to do so, time and work wise. Do you want to?

What is the worse case scenario? Say for example your vagina is none functional can you deal with that? If you are none sensate, can you deal with that?

In your own honest deep down opinion why are you having it and will it allow you to deal with your issues? ALL of your issues.

SRS, GRS, GCS whatever the term will NOT cure your co-morbidities (if you have any), it may make them worse.

Just some thoughts that I have dealt with.

I've decided to go for it in 2014.

I think the complications are something one should be prepared for but the fear of them should not be the primary guide in making this decision unless there is some higer risk for some reason.
I know some bad motivations that people have had for SRS and in these cases (if these are the prime motivators) I would advise caution:
* get legal gender change/other medical procedures
* wear tight pants and skirts and be in naked-places like sauna or womens shower at the gym
* get "rid of that thing"
* stop excessive sexuality/libido
* allow the BF to not have to do anal penetration anymore
* because it "has to be done as a woman does not have a penis"

The key is always to look far ahead - will you be HAPPY in 10 years or 20 with a successful SRS? Or will it feel like you had to do a sacrifice to get other things done?

I call bulls*** on the whole "don't get it unless you can't live any other way" thing. Yes, sometimes complications do happen, and regrets do happen. And it is important to recognize that these things are possible, and that it's important to make sure that you're absolutely sure before undertaking such a life-changing procedure.

But saying not to have it at all unless you'll be suicidal without it is complete bunk. I've heard twice as many stories of people who weren't sure that SRS was right for them when they were going in to get it done, only to later report that they loved it and couldn't imagine living any other way now. My post-op friend from Suporn calls it her "most treasured possession." And as a whole, the occurrence of trans regrets are WAY overblown. According to a 2011 survey of 448 trans people, 94% reported an improvement in their quality of life due to transition, 97% were satisfied with Hormone Repacement Therapy, and 90% were satisfied with genital surgery. Yes, that does mean that 10% of people are not satisfied with SRS, and that is indeed a statistically-significant number that should not be ignored. But I feel like it goes to show that a vast majority are indeed satisfied with it, so it's definitely not a "surgery or death" thing IMO.

Again, do your research. Make sure you're ready for it. And above all, have realistic expectations. Most of the regrets come from people who were expecting it to be this amazing grandiose thing that completely changed their lives, when in reality it's basically just a cosmetic procedure that changes the appearance and function of your genitals, something that when you get down to it only a few people in your entire life will ever see or care about. People who expect it to "turn them into a woman," or magically make them accepted, or somehow magically end their relationship issues, will be sadly mistaken.

Quote from: anjaq on December 15, 2013, 07:23:17 PM
I think the complications are something one should be prepared for but the fear of them should not be the primary guide in making this decision unless there is some higer risk for some reason.
I know some bad motivations that people have had for SRS and in these cases (if these are the prime motivators) I would advise caution:
* get legal gender change/other medical procedures
* wear tight pants and skirts and be in naked-places like sauna or womens shower at the gym
* get "rid of that thing"
* stop excessive sexuality/libido
* allow the BF to not have to do anal penetration anymore
* because it "has to be done as a woman does not have a penis"

The key is always to look far ahead - will you be HAPPY in 10 years or 20 with a successful SRS? Or will it feel like you had to do a sacrifice to get other things done?

If I understand correctly, you are saying that you feel that these are not proper reasons for getting SRS? I ask because some people may possibly misunderstand and think you are giving reasons why someone should get SRS and may possibly feel slighted

I would just like to clarify intentions

Quote from: V M on December 15, 2013, 09:33:37 PM
If I understand correctly, you are saying that you feel that these are not proper reasons for getting SRS? I ask because some people may possibly misunderstand and think you are giving reasons why someone should get SRS and may possibly feel slighted

You are correct and I am not really sure how this could be misunderstood from what I write - I would not have thought these would be actually good reasons just by themselves for anyone :-\ - But i guess that danger exists, so yes - I want to make it clear that my opinion is - if one of these is the only reason to have SRS, one should be a bit careful, consider if this is a good reason, if there are other reasons ... etc. I personally think that SRS makes a person happy if that person needs a vulva to feel right, to have the body that is already existing in the mind - it is an emotional, sensory, intuitive decision, not an intellectual or rational one. At least this is what I personally think, I know others have different opinions.