Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Lately reading this forum everyone seems so negative about transition and the focus seems to be on all the drawbacks: ridicule, loss, the impossibility of it all. But I remember reading last January a post from this girl who used to post here and she had friends, a boyfriend she lived with, an amazing wardrobe and fashion sense and I was so jealous and thought why not me? And now it's a year later and I have a boyfriend a live with, aan amazing wardrobe and even though I'm having hard finincial times, life has never been better. I'm finally where I always wanted to be. And the future requires shades it's so bright. So lets here some positive things. Real things. Or if not that, what your dreams are.

I think it's because a lot of the membership posting in this area, are pre transition/closeted and feel like they're standing at the bottom of a mountain that can seem insurmountable. A lot of us that are post transition are much happier and realize it wasn't that bad (in some cases it is rough though) I've noticed most of us that transition "successfully" no longer need the space to vent and just continue with their lives. In my case, transition was easy, I got my letter and am due for surgery in about 5 months. Job done. Problem solved :)

Being negative ensures one remains unhappy and unsuccessful, it's a waste of energy. The 13 traits of successful people is below...

http://www.nextaff.com/resource_centers/business/13%20Characteristics%20of%20Successful%20People.pdf (http://www.nextaff.com/resource_centers/business/13%20Characteristics%20of%20Successful%20People.pdf)

My dream is simple.  I come out to my wife, she says something like, "Ok, we'll work through this together.  I'm just glad you're not sick or leaving me for another woman - well, kinda.  But I'm here for you because we vowed to go through life together no matter what, and this is going to be one crazy adventure we can enjoy."  And that's the end of that.

Thanks for starting a positive thread!

  I may be a black-belt master of sarcasm, but I'm never negative. ;)

Joanna, thank you for starting a positive thread. I think this is a great idea.

I have been on hormones about 18 months, and feel amazing! My family and friends are all extremely accepting, and loving. In fact, my mom and I are closer now than before. I have had a few decent relationships, and currently have a great boyfriend. My son and I are closer than ever too! I have made friends with some of the other moms at my son's school, which is great. I pass about 90% of the time. A couple of months ago, I was involved in a modelling shoot for a few local advertisements (non trans related ads). I volunteer at the VA to help trans people. I might be hosting a self defense class for the local trans community. And, one of the best things, I no longer live with my abusive ex-wife!

So yeah, there has been a lot going on the past few months.

I agree with Isabelle- I may lurk, and try to give input where helpful, but I otherwise don't have much to post, since things have generally been going well.

To think of it another way- if a person has questions, there's a good likelihood they're scared, which doesn't tend to breed positive vibes.

I think it's a combination of things.

1) Trans women have hardships that many cis women never have to deal with, particularly transition.
2) It's a support site so people that are down-or feel most in need of suport-might post more.
3) Happy Heather doesn't sound as cool.  :P

Anywho I've met lots of happy people here and they often inspire me.  ;D

Yeah... admittedly it can get negative at times, because, well, this is a support site, so most of the posts are going to be from people who need emotional support and need people helping them. After a certain point in transition when everything is pretty much done, most people leave. If you look back to 2009-2010, 99% of the posters in them are nowhere to be found now. Every single year there seems to be a completely new list of members who are the most active, and then a year or two later they're all nowhere to be found anymore. Transition is temporary. Most people, once they're done, just go out and get back to living their lives, and they really don't have a need to be here anymore. Which means that at any given moment, a majority of the people here are always going to be those who are in the difficult parts of transition, and fighting through all of the physical and emotional changes, so most of the topics are going to be about that too.

No complaints here.  I was incredibly fortunate, well, apart from that whole gender dysphoria and wanting to die young thing.  In fact, knowing how bad it can get makes me feel pretty guilty at times about how well I have it.   

This question was kinda asked in another thread recently and my repsonse in that thread was this:

QuoteI don't bother much with posting the positives here any more.. Being called a liar gets to be a drain I don't need.

The fact is, I live my life as a woman.. I do normal things. I don't make my being trans an issue, it's so far down my list of priorities. But I've long been working on the 'Take me or leave me' theory. I am who I am.

Oh, that and the stories of happy and fairly successful non-ops seem to draw hate from some around here..

  I personally go to great lengths to lighten things up around here.  It's good for me and it's good for everyone else.  When the inevitable fighting starts I immediately tune out of the discussion and close the thread.  Hopefully this thread will stay on track.

  Some people just have some very serious personal problems and it comes out in really nasty attacks.  There was this one girl that nearly broke the whole therapy group I was going to because they were too much of a needy drama queen who couldn't admit to a requirement for some serious one-on-one councelling.

I feel proud of myself for taking an impossible situation and turning it on it's head.  Nowadays, I am so happy and feel genuine love for people in this world just for being people, and I am thankful every day for just being alive.

Just a few years ago things were much different.  Every night I went to sleep dreading waking up the next morning because then I would have to confront my own miserable existence all over again.  Every night I would cry I couldn't make tears anymore, almost every night.  I saw no way out, no way forward and I just wanted it all to stop.

I am thankful I somehow found the wherewithal to survive.  I have no idea how.  I am not a strong enough person to be here today.  Yet here I am.  I want everybody that is just starting out to know that there is a way out for them if they can just persevere.  No matter how little hope they may feel.  I mean, I had zero hope.  Not a drop.  Just persevere, and take small steps.  They add up. :)

  Jen, you must be doing something right around here with a +90 rep.  I just gave you one more!

<3  Thanks!

I think Isabelle hit it right on the head, as did the others with their notes of this being a support site. And that the membership changes so it's new faces walking the path. I was away since August and see new faces, haven't seen some old familiar ones...

Me personally I had unfinished business here so I came back. That, and I'm having a hard time moving on from the transition part of my life. I might do some surgeries in the future, but everything I set out as need to do's are done. I'm happy and love most things about my life. Really the things I'm harumph about are contained to left over responsibilities from the old life, having nothing explicitly to do with the trans part. Heh, come to think of it that's probably just called "being thirty-something" too.

Quote from: Shaina on December 16, 2013, 09:53:00 PM
3) Happy Heather doesn't sound as cool.  :P

  I hope nobody calls me "Positive Pansy"!  There's multiple wrong ways that could be interpreted...

"Positive Portia" is so much cooler. ;)

I might have my negative moments (mostly when I'm moody) but overall, things are going pretty well for me. Just passed my courses for the semester, I'm closer to my mother and sister than I ever was, HRT is going pretty smoothly and the whole process was relatively easy to start, I can be myself now, I'm looking forward to going on a trip with a friend for spring break, and in August I'm moving to Seattle with that same friend. Plus I'm eating healthier, sleeping better, and exercising regularly, so the pounds are starting to melt away. And once I reach my target weight, I'll finally trade in my guy clothes for gal clothes and go full-time. :) Only issues I can say I have are the general stresses that go with college courses and well... I'm a bit lonely. :/ But, that bit will hopefully be resolved after I move. I'm fairly optimistic about it. :)

Quote from: Shaina on December 16, 2013, 09:53:00 PM
Anywho I've met lots of happy people here and they often inspire me.  ;D

Being happy is so gay.

*plays a rimshot*

You want positive?


Ok, I'm not all that ugly.

Quote from: big head horsey-face on December 16, 2013, 10:52:37 PM
You want positive?


Ok, I'm not all that ugly.

  I've waited soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long to hear those beautiful words... <sniffle>...  :'(...

<---passes out and falls off chair unconscious with shock--->

Perhaps the reason you dont see so much positivity here is because most of the women that decide to move forward dont have time to mess around with non essential activities like the internet. Sometimes I think people use the internet to live thier dreams in a virtual world. I mean think of it, this is the transsexual zone and do you see some of the posts here? Many are like totally not relevant to the topic.

Or note the small number of people with real photos of themselves for their avitars. That should be an indicator as well. Do you honestly think that someone with an avitar of a mutant animal or cartoon figure, or their legs is transitioning? Do you really think that these people  are speaking from experience, wisdom, or a realistic perspective?

Maybe I am just being cynical and a negative nanny because I cant take cartoon characters seriously, LOL.

So to reiterate the world is filled with those that do and those that dont, and I suspect there is a LOT more dont's here than do's.

Katie

It's difficult to be happy overall when one is stuck, not happy with themselves, their body. I try my best to stay positive, but it doesn't work sometimes.
Right now I'm especially stuck, so especially unhappy. I suspect that once I get through to my family and/or return to school I'll become happier, as I'll be able to start moving forward again, or at least try.

Quote from: Katie on December 16, 2013, 11:17:09 PMPerhaps the reason you dont see so much positivity here is because most of the women that decide to move forward dont have time to mess around with non essential activities like the internet. Sometimes I think people use the internet to live thier dreams in a virtual world. I mean think of it, this is the transsexual zone and do you see some of the posts here? Many are like totally not relevant to the topic.

So to reiterate the world is filled with those that do and those that dont, and I suspect there is a LOT more donts here than dos.

Katie

Excuse me, but as a frequent user of the internet, and a dreamer, I am insulted. I fully intend to move forward with transition, and, if it weren't for the internet, I'd be even more unhappy, because the internet is where I discovered the word transgender, what it meant, and how it applied to me.

I know I'm happy with how my transition ended and enjoy my life. I'm sure you can too . Just don't let the negative people pull you down. Just run your race

I love my life! Transition was just one piece of learning to love myself as I am and learning to fully engage with every aspect of life. Although dysphoria almost killed me before I did something about it, it has been a joy to discover the flip side, which is just how much improvement in quality a few simple changes, such as living as a woman in every way, can bring.
I am surrounded with loving friends, family, and fans who think I am pretty damn special, and I have as much social life as I have time for.
Every week I go beyond my comfort zone in at least one way, and after a 100 weeks it adds up to a really big zone.

I think transition is a pretty daunting thing to do.

I mean, many of us have spent decades doing our absolute best to avoid it - because the idea of even trying it is so completely overwhelming.

I have finally realised there's no other way though, and I wasn't wrong! There are just so many things to think about, so many setbacks, disappointments, so many things to worry about including the threat of verbal and even physical abuse.

At the same time transition is so liberating, so exhilarating and so life affirming, with little victories along the way. There are downs, but the ups keep me moving up the path over the mountain :)

I think a bit of negativity and a bit of 'why me?' has to be inevitable. It's so good that there is a place where we can help each other out when it comes.

I try to keep some perspective on the bad days.  I love what Susan's offers for us and the support and advice I can get here, but for me it is a way station until I get through to the other side.

'Transition' can only be a phase on the way from one state to another. 

Quote from: Katie on December 16, 2013, 11:17:09 PM
Perhaps the reason you dont see so much positivity here is because most of the women that decide to move forward dont have time to mess around with non essential activities like the internet. Sometimes I think people use the internet to live thier dreams in a virtual world. I mean think of it, this is the transsexual zone and do you see some of the posts here? Many are like totally not relevant to the topic.


Katie

I agree with Katie here, some of the posts are irrelevant. Some of which would not be out of place in the crossdressing/transvestite area. If you have only just bought your first pair of panties and a lipstick and need to rave about it to transsexuals, you should not be posting it here. Just my opinion.

Also, some people look for negatives on sites like this to provide an excuse to remain in the closet since it is much easier than facing the world as who you perceive to be.

However, when a positive thread comes up, it's great, it's worth reading. Trouble is the post does not last as long as the negative ones.

Nikki

Joanna, it's wonderful that you're living the dream - but just because something worked out great for you it doesn't apply to everyone else. Some people are struggling and depressed, maybe because their spouse, children, parents, family, boss, lover or whoever has rejected and disowned them. Or for any number of other reasons. Most will get there in the end, with the right support. There are many regulars on this forum who do try to inject what positive, supportive thoughts and observations they can... :)

Personally, I agree with everyone else about people moving on, plus I feel guilty posting happy stuff in threads where someone is miserable. Like, for example, my marriage *improved* with transition; we're still romantically involved and more in love than ever. But I'm not gonna say that in the 90,000 threads where someone is about to get divorced!

But I got to keep my wife, my family, my job, my house, basically all the parts of my life that I cared about - and my writing career actually took off post-transition. I'm doing well. :)

I'm almost always positive. Sometimes angsty -- especially where family is involved -- but positive and optimistic.

It's sometimes a trait that can be seen as a weakness as well as a strength. I had the idea to come out to my wife because she likes to play the whole "you're gay, aren't you" game (got me... she likes it). That's how I led into being trans... and she thought I was playing. The third night (in a row) that I said it... she realized it was true. Still... her thinking it was a game reinforced my thought of her as accepting of me and "into" it. Ha.

But the optimism is NOT unfounded! Positivity leads to positivity... negativity leads to negativity. It can be difficult remaining positive with people, but when you do I think you get rewarded for it. My wife and I aren't perfect... the situation is difficult and painful... but there's a LOT of hope for the future (a future that starts for us in 2014). The current question is whether we need to divorce and separate (financially and emotionally difficult for the kids, my wife, and myself); divorce and remain together by co-owning or having an owner/leaser arrangement for the house (difficult for health care for her as a part time employee, painful for her during transition, but very good for the kids); or remaining married (great for the kids, great financially, but extraordinarily painful for my wife and I - especially down the road if either or both of us need sexual companionship).

I see those as our only three options for early to mid 2014. I personally think #2 is the best compromise for everyone, but it remains to be seen if my transition will be more painful than our separation (she'll still see me often). I have a full apartment in the house aside from a kitchen and laundry ~ which could be added at relatively high expense. She and I could see each other as little or as much as fills our need.

I'll basically need to work on a proposal for this after Christmas. (I think I'll put this in a new thread, too... sorry)

For the same reason no one writes a hit biography about how their life was generally very good and satisfying with no struggle.

Happiness isn't the best conversation topic, and people need a place to spill their troubles, it's easier to do that on a forum.

Quote from: Katie on December 16, 2013, 11:17:09 PM
Do you honestly think that someone with an avitar of a mutant animal or cartoon figure, or their legs is transitioning? Do you really think that these people  are speaking from experience, wisdom, or a realistic perspective?

Seriously?

My legs are in my avatar because I am not out yet to the world. I just lost my wife a month ago due to this. I just told my parents via a letter and I expect that they will write me off too. I am now figuring out how I'm going to come out at work. I am on a transtioning dose of hormones and go out every weekend en femme. I see a therapist twice a month.

Is that serious enough for you?? Am i lacking wisdom, experience, or a realistic perspective in your eyes? It seems pretty dang realistic to me!

Time spent on the internet or a persons choice of an avatar picture is NOT a way to gauge whether or not they are serious about transitioning. I almost wrote something last night about what you wrote but decided not to; but this was just too much.

(Yeah, I thought about saying something to that too - but technically I guess "no avatar" isn't being maligned [yet]. I have no avatar b/c I'm a fairly recognizable person in some public circles and don't want my professional contacts to know all the details of my genitalia, etc.; the choice was between being honest and helpful about my GRS [which hopefully proves I'm "serious"!] or using my face and not sharing any of that.)

I've posted my picture :P

Having the same avatar I use everywhere else is pretty damned "out" as far as I'm concerned. Right now I'm out and not telling, transitioning, and clearly male with feminine characteristics (starting HRT next week).

Maybe that bunny is transitioning, too :P :P!

I think the OP has good intentions and is trying to say that there is a silver lining to everything, and I definitely admire her optimism!  Unfortunately, as others have said, there are people going through some difficult times during their transitions with extreme stress, such as being bullied.  Or they could be facing fear of being rejected by their loved ones or losing their jobs if they transition.  And thus, the forum is often used as a support group or a place where people can vent to others that understand what they're going through. 

Personally, I don't mind if people post topics that are sad or negative, because that is how they feel at that moment, and it's nice to have a forum that they don't have to repress their emotions.  Sometimes, people going through a difficult time are able to get great advice from people who have been through it already.  I would definitely encourage people who are upset, stressed out, and depressed to post about their situation.  There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And for those who have reached the light in the tunnel, it's nice to see their positive posts too because it reminds us that amazing things can happen when we don't give up. 

We all had needs that brought us to Susan's in the first place, and we need to respect each others reasons for posting.  I'm not trying to argue with, or admonish any of you.  Just asking that you accept the fact that we aren't identical beings, and although we have the same goal we don't follow the same timeline or path. 

I struggled through February of last year, and I found support here on Susan's when there was no other place to immediately go to vent my fear and frustration.  That's what Susan's is all about ... giving and receiving the support we need to get past the difficult beginnings.  My life is fantastic now even if I still have trouble dealing with my family.  And you know what? ...  I post those family problems here on Susan's and get advice.  As usual I read all the replies, and take what fits.  And again, that's what Susan's is all about.

As for trivial posts, I'll admit to posting in them and starting a few.  I see nothing wrong with it, and maybe those posts even brighten a gloomy day for some of the girls.  The light-hearted threads don't contribute to anything serious, but it doesn't hurt anyone either.  After all, we aren't all social butterflies, and many of us are comfortable with a smaller circle of friends, and a more personally centered lifestyle (caution - I didn't say Self Centered).  We use our spare time and evenings in many different ways, and find pleasure in vastly different experiences.  I don't rock climb, run 10 miles a day, or go to dance clubs, but I love knowing some of you enjoy those activities.   So please don't demean me or anyone else for not being equally active, socially capable, or for having to struggle as we find a different path to transition. 

Anyway, I'll stay here on Susan's because I still need advice at times, and I like reading the posts that draw my attention.  You girls who are far ahead of me give me hope, and those following will sometimes allow me to help.  Yea, I'd rather not have the needs that grew out of my GID, and would gratefully spend my entire day doing something else if that had been gifted to me.  But I have those needs, and since I don't recreate or work 24/7 I spend some time online.

Take care girls.  Love and peace.  K

I will name no names, but I believe an important distinction should be made.
There is more than one type of negativity, and I am very much against lumping them together.

One is internal, to be overcome over time, often with the help of therapy, but also through the accumulation of new experiences that allow one to correct their dark inner dialogue and replace old expectations with new expectations that better fit their new way of being and of seeing things. This site in particular is intended to be a safe forum where people can open up about their internal negativity, and through the support and understanding they gain interacting with others, be healed of it.

Internal negativity can further be divided into pessimism, and self-judgement/self-loathing/self-abuse.

Often the only way we can learn whether our expectations and thoughts are too pessimistic or too optimistic is to try them out in real life, through our own self-realizations and transformations. If anyone has been in group therapy, you will know that the moderator encourages people to talk about their own lives and their own feelings and thoughts, using "I" statements, listening to others, and being both supportive and supported.

Abuse is not tolerated in those circles and doesn't belong here either; judging is a form of abuse when it is applied to others without their request or consent. It is ok to say 'sounds like you are venting; I will not offer advice since you haven't asked for it, but I do want you to know I am listening and I care'.

A second type of negativity is similar to the first, but it is when we project our personal pessimism onto other people, and generalize as if our own fears and own experiences apply to everyone. Words like "never", "doesn't matter anyway", "always" are good indicators. When mixed with words like "you", "they", and "everyone", you've got the projection of pessimism. Because so many of us have experienced deep rejection, isolation, and hardship in our lives, it is easy to project that onto the future for our self and for others. I have seen many people here go from having a deeply pessimistic view about their life and the chances of anyone "like them" for true happiness, to actually finding their own path through the muck and eventually leaving the dark behind them. The reason the whole world seems to change when we do is because we are transforming how we perceive and relate to the whole world.

Another type is the negativity projected onto others by smug, arrogant, hurtful, judging, "transier than thou" "real transsexuals" or "real" this and that, who project their judgments onto others to further marginalize them and put them down. I hope I am not seeing it here. Abusive comments that masquerade as wiser, more experienced, more vaginally-authentic individuals passing judgement on those who haven't or won't go through the same steps and make the same choices they say they have made.
Eventually these folks give up, fade away, or if their abuse is egregious enough, are perma-banned, but they can do incredible damage along the way, as they pop into a support site to pass snide remarks and judgments disguised as wisdom. Sometimes people like this do get help, and after treatment for their NPD, BPD, or other deep-seated psychopathology or judgment-altering substance abuse, will come back and apologize for all the harm they did to others, and try to make amends to the best of their ability. Others stay offensive, unkind, and cruel for life. Channeling one's anger and hate, and projecting it onto the "other" can be a very addictive outlet. Abusers almost always believe "it is for your own good" or "you made me do it".

Personally, I prefer one hundred discouraged, pessimistic, suffering strugglers sharing their feelings, to even one of the abusive "I know better than you know" types.

I hope I don't come off as a negative nancy  . I'm glad I found this site through my transition. I ask a lot of questions because I'm curious . I don't design questions to provoke but rather to try to get answers for myself. I know some one asked a question that triggered me and I asked a totally provocative question back, which was taken off. I crave information. I've lived like every else around with this womanhood thing eating at me all my life. I'm extremely happy at this moment in my life. I'm living as I've always wanted to live. I got a ways to go ,but I'm getting there. Some of my questions have gone on unintended tangents. I'm transsexual and I want to know more about who I am. I've found such a commonality amongst us that's amazing. I thought I was all alone and I'm not.

Quote from: MadelineB on December 17, 2013, 09:45:18 AM
Personally, I prefer one hundred discouraged, pessimistic, suffering strugglers sharing their feelings, to even one of the abusive "I know better than you know" types.

Thank you for saying this Madeline.  Big hugs, and both thumbs up.

Quote from: evecrook on December 17, 2013, 09:49:42 AM
I hope I don't come off as a negative nancy.  ....  I don't design questions to provoke but rather to try to get answers for myself. ....  I'm transsexual and I want to know more about who I am. I've found such a commonality amongst us that's amazing. I thought I was all alone and I'm not.

Ask away.  This is how we learn who we are, and help us find what makes us comfortable in transition.  You always have a lot of replies, so obviously your asking the right questions.  I don't read all your threads, as you most likely don't read all mine.  But I know you're there, and that you're looking for honest information.

And if a question is too provocative I'm sure a moderator sends you an PM.  I've been corrected about inappropriate statements in the past, and it's part of learning.  So I'm sure I'll be corrected again at some point in the future.   :)

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 16, 2013, 11:03:17 PM
  I've waited soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long to hear those beautiful words... <sniffle>...  :'(...

<---passes out and falls off chair unconscious with shock--->

I'm not entirely responsible for what I may have posted last night. I was hopped up on oreos....

Quote from: Katie on December 16, 2013, 11:17:09 PM
Or note the small number of people with real photos of themselves for their avitars. That should be an indicator as well. Do you honestly think that someone with an avitar of a mutant animal or cartoon figure, or their legs is transitioning? Do you really think that these people  are speaking from experience, wisdom, or a realistic perspective?

I'm going to chime in on this specific point. Posting a picture of yourself (be it here or anywhere else on the net) is NOT an act of bravery. I've posted my own pic here and elsewhere. It was no big deal. Many people that post their pics on sites like these are looking for some kind of validation (nothing wrong with that in and of itself) but there is usually an ulterior motive behind it. Myself, I've posted my pic a few times and thought it was really boring (I don't care one bit about someone discovering that I am trans via the net. A few people have figured it out and I didn't care then and I don't care now.) so I would take them down and put up something that I thought was cool instead. (Such as Portia.)

Do I care if someone doesn't want to take me seriously because I choose to put up an avatar of a cartoon porcupine? Nope. Not one bit. Why should I care what anyone else thinks about anything I do or say?

It is a waste of energy to care about the opinions of other people if they decide to whine or gripe because of something you say or do (especially when that thing does no harm to anyone.)

Sometimes the appropriate response is not to say nothing, or sit there passively while some troll controls the discourse.  Sometimes the right thing to do is stand up for what you believe is right.  Sometimes people need to be called out or they'll keep behaving badly.

There is a right and wrong way to go about doing that obviously, and falling to the level of some troll is not the best usually.   But some people write things specifically to exasperate you, and when you lash out, they win, and you look like the jerk.  Some people can be very subtle about pushing hot buttons, but you'll know them by how when they show up to a thread drama and negativity follows next.  And then it makes it look like it is everybody in the thread freaking out on each other and it makes the whole community look toxic, when really it's just a few subtle trolls creating the chaos.

I am not annoyed with this community and I don't think most people here are negative in the least, but I am really tired of certain people turning this place into poison.  Especially considering the whole point of this site, and the actual danger many of the people first coming here are in.  I am on the verge of exasperation, tbh, and good things won't come out of it.   Idk what comes next.   Maybe just taking a break for a while would be best, rather than unleashing my fury lol.

  I agree that some people are hiding behind cartoon avatars and the like.  We also can probably never know how many members left without successfully pursuing their transition aspirations.  When I was in a local therapy group you could tell there were a few people who likely would never have the courage to follow through.  But I can only speak for myself:

  It is very unlikely I will ever post a real photo of me whether or not it be an avatar.  This has absolutely nothing to do with lying to myself or others or the supposed success of my transition progress.  It is solely a matter of privacy seeing as I've used this forum like a personal therapist and revealed painful and intimate personal details that I would never want connected to my public identity locally.  No one should have to walk around wearing their darkest secrets or sexual habits like a sandwich board just so they can say "I've made it".  For the record I have not posted one single image anywhere on the internet ever that could tie my legal name to my face and I've maintained this practice intentionally since long before the idea of gender transition came up in my life.  If someone knew where to look they could find a few photos of me in male mode but not one of these could allow a stranger to put a name to my face.  It would also be impossible to put my rather uncommon legal name into a Google search and get photographic results.

  In the interest of cheering myself up (and others here) I've gone to great lengths to find avatar images that are unique, bold, fun and illustrative of major character traits.  I never felt that it should have to be a real-life photo of me in order to prove anything to anyone.  I could also have posted anthropomorphic animal cartoons as many other members do because I have some attachment to the Furry community and another personal identity as such - But does anyone think this would have been relevant to my presence here or helped me be taken more seriously?  I highly doubt it.  I've had enough trouble being marginalized in real life being labeled a 'geek' for my perfectly normal hobbies and interests so I don't talk much about those either.

  My personal comfort with my transition and new identity came from gaining the courage to present myself female, not always very well, in front of live people in my city.  It took longer to do this in front of strangers than it did to do it to my mother.  Although I'm not out full-time yet I can walk the streets truly at peace now when presenting female and my transition is far from complete.  I haven't even done any voice training yet but I've shopped frequently now and interacted with many service people.  My success came from finding the comfort to be an 'unfinished product' and not being at all worried about it.  Now I know my life can only get better from here-on as my appearance continues to improve.

  In the end I feel the best thing that will help me to just be 'another body on the street' in the public eye is to distance myself from my history and the gory details of it.  I don't care so much if someone knows I'm trans but because I don't think it's all that important for them to know I'd rather be seen as "Me".

Quote from: Jen on December 17, 2013, 11:20:11 AM
Sometimes the appropriate response is not to say nothing, or sit there passively while some troll controls the discorse.  Sometimes the right thing to do is stand up for what you believe is right.  Sometimes people need to be called out or they'll keep behaving badly.

There is a right and wrong way to go about doing that obviously, and falling to the level of some troll is not the best usually.   But some people write things specifically to exasperate you, and when you lash out, they win, and you look like the jerk.  Some people can be very subtle about pushing hot buttons, but you'll know them by how when they show up to a thread drama and negativity follows next.  And then it makes it look like it is everybody in the thread freaking out on each other and it makes the whole community look toxic, when really it's just a few subtle trolls creating the chaos.

I am not annoyed with this community and I don't think most people here are negative in the least, but I am really tired of certain people turning this place into poison.  Especially considering the whole point of this site, and the actual danger many of the people first coming here are in.  I am on the verge of exasperation, tbh, and good things won't come out of it.   Idk what comes next.   Maybe just taking a break for a while would be best, rather than unleashing my fury lol.

That's right. Trolls offer the bait, but we don't have to take it.

Quote from: Jen on December 17, 2013, 11:20:11 AM
There is a right and wrong way to go about doing that obviously, and falling to the level of some troll is not the best usually.   But some people write things specifically to exasperate you, and when you lash out, they win, and you look like the jerk.

Nah..I disagree. The people that tell off the trolls aren't the jerks. The jerks are the trolls and always will be the trolls. Think about the mentality of some loser sitting behind their computer laughing at their moronic attempts at provoking people. Anyone that does that is worthless. You only get one shot on this goofy blue ball and they want to waste it being a schmuck on the internet? Hey, knock yourself out. Those people do not win when people tell them where to go. They remain the pathetic losers that they are until the end. That isn't something I would classify as "winning".

Quote from: Katie on December 16, 2013, 11:17:09 PM
Perhaps the reason you dont see so much positivity here is because most of the women that decide to move forward dont have time to mess around with non essential activities like the internet. Sometimes I think people use the internet to live thier dreams in a virtual world. I mean think of it, this is the transsexual zone and do you see some of the posts here? Many are like totally not relevant to the topic.

Or note the small number of people with real photos of themselves for their avitars. That should be an indicator as well. Do you honestly think that someone with an avitar of a mutant animal or cartoon figure, or their legs is transitioning? Do you really think that these people  are speaking from experience, wisdom, or a realistic perspective?

Maybe I am just being cynical and a negative nanny because I cant take cartoon characters seriously, LOL.

So to reiterate the world is filled with those that do and those that dont, and I suspect there is a LOT more dont's here than do's.

Katie

Perhaps most women who transition don't use support sites. Perhaps most women who transition successfully don't feel the need for a support site any longer. Perhaps most of the women who transition want to get past that part of their lives and feel the less of a connection to the trans world, the less trans they are. There are many reasons that most of the people on a support site may be seeking support or input, and you choose one of the most condescending to cement your points. I don't understand the motive for this.

I use a photo of a "cartoon" as my avatar because not only do I relate to the character portrayed, but I'm attractive as an effeminate male and unpassable (and therefore ugly) as a woman. Yes, it makes me grossly uncomfortable. No, I'm not ashamed to admit it -- but I am still offended that you would imply it makes me somehow a coward or that I'm less "real" in some fashion, because it is exactly that line of thinking that seeks to define my feelings and makes it so awful of an issue in the first place. The pushing and prodding and stressing and demanding. Throwing a sick duckling into the water harvests no less guilt than keeping it locked up.

As for experience, wisdom, a realistic perspective? I am out to literally everyone I know. None of them think of me as manly. The majority of them treat me as female. I am deeply educated on the topic. I have lost friends and family. I find romance inaccessible because I am trapped between worlds and because I still need to meet my own needs. I feel the absurdly deafening pressure of finances for transition every single day. I save over 90% of my income to meet the strength of my needs. And finally, I am widely known among the people who are familiar with me for being a wise and supportive person with very keen perception on a multitude of the world's facets. I don't need makeup, flats, blouses, and the one-off female pronoun from strangers to give me experience, wisdom, and a realistic perspective.

I'm sure many of the other women here have their own story. None of them are invalid. Everyone has the right to adjust the steps in their life according to their own needs, and judging or condescending upon some of those people for being slower or more cautious is not helpful in any way.

Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 17, 2013, 11:27:33 AM
Nah..I disagree. The people that tell off the trolls aren't the jerks. The jerks are the trolls and always will be the trolls. Think about the mentality of some loser sitting behind their computer laughing at their moronic attempts at provoking people. Anyone that does that is worthless. You only get one shot on this goofy blue ball and they want to waste it being a schmuck on the internet? Hey, knock yourself out. Those people do not win when people tell them where to go. They remain the pathetic losers that they are until the end. That isn't something I would classify as "winning".

I agree with this, but I don't think anyone in this thread was trolling. The progenitor of this thread's tension, Katie, was probably frustrated or bitter in some way. I don't think that makes her statements fair, as my post above details, but I don't think she was posting out of a single need to provoke others.

I do feel that when someone posts something negative, it is best not to ignore them. This site is partially a learning experience. Other people in a bitter state, or who are on the fence about a topic, may adopt the same thoughts upon reading relevant material. If no one provides a counter-argumentation or another point of view, there is no nudging from the other end. Part of education is battling obfuscation.

  I'm going to sum up a lot of what's been said in one simple statement - "My face reveals absolutely nothing about my character."  If you want to know about me, my avatars alone are worth a thousand words.

Quote from: Jen on December 17, 2013, 11:42:20 AM
What comes out of you reveals what is inside of you.

Mostly guts...and black stuff...and about 50 Slim Jims.

Quote from: Sybil on December 17, 2013, 11:36:20 AM
I agree with this, but I don't think anyone in this thread was trolling. The progenitor of this thread's tension, Katie, was probably frustrated or bitter in some way. I don't think that makes her statements fair, as my post above details, but I don't think she was posting out of a single need to provoke others.

I'm not so sure about that given the tone of some of their other posts...but, whatever.

I've posted here off and on for several years, just as Northern Jane and several other senior post-op people have done. We do it for the sake of others to pay it forward and to see what's new and shaking in the trans community. Though we have real lives beyond Susan's place we recognize that transition doesn't cease at SRS any more than does growth and development of a person cease at age 21.
I enjoy encouraging others, sharing experiences and thoughts on various subjects that can be positive and uplifting for them, there are times when we can save someone from making the same mistakes that we once made. I have no problems with people who prefer to use a cartoon as an avatar, after all some people require anonymity for various personal and business reasons just as I prefer to not show much of my face either. I rankle when someone makes disparaging remarks to others who may not be as far along as they, or to someone who opts out of what they themselves feel is a quintessentially female defining surgical procedure. One cannot possibly expect others to buy into their mindset for the sake of their own self validation, we're all uniquely different individuals, each deserving respect.

the only reason I post my picture is that I'm at a stage in my life that I really don't care what some one that might see me on this site and knows me thinks. It just doesn't phase me one way or the other. Every body's got their own way they live their life. I wouldn't put a picture of my breasts up though.

I am not out and proud to everybody in the world and that is why when I put a pic of myself up I take it back down in a short time.  I am willing to accept the risk of putting it up, but I am definitely going to mitigate that risk best I can.

Quote from: Katie on December 16, 2013, 11:17:09 PM
Perhaps the reason you dont see so much positivity here is because most of the women that decide to move forward dont have time to mess around with non essential activities like the internet. Sometimes I think people use the internet to live thier dreams in a virtual world. I mean think of it, this is the transsexual zone and do you see some of the posts here? Many are like totally not relevant to the topic.

Or note the small number of people with real photos of themselves for their avitars. That should be an indicator as well. Do you honestly think that someone with an avitar of a mutant animal or cartoon figure, or their legs is transitioning? Do you really think that these people  are speaking from experience, wisdom, or a realistic perspective?

Maybe I am just being cynical and a negative nanny because I cant take cartoon characters seriously, LOL.

So to reiterate the world is filled with those that do and those that dont, and I suspect there is a LOT more dont's here than do's.

Katie

I would like to respond to this as someone who uses a cartoon character in my avatar. I use a cartoon avatar because I have a hard time showing my face.  One, for security reasons and for the desire to go stealth one day.  Two, for insecurity reasons about my appearance.  Transitioning doesn't happen overnight.  I've put a lot of time and effort in this too realize that things will take time.  Honestly, I don't feel I'm fully passing at the moment.  Yeah, I have a more androgynous appearance, but I'm not fully happy with how I currently look.  And I can probably can pass in other peoples eyes as I've been told that by enough people, but I have major insecurities.  Putting up a photo of myself would make me feel bad in one of the few safe places I have.  I'll admit that I'm still a work in progress, but things have improved since I have started and I feel confident that I will get to where I want to be (and I'm considering a nose job because that's my big facial issue).  Other than that, I think I will be fine as I continue with laser and keep experimenting with my brows and hair.  Nonetheless, I've been nothing but honest since I have been here about my experience.  Just because I haven't shown my face doesn't mean I am not transitioning or have no experience with it.  It just takes time and effort to make the steps.  My transition started in June and it's been a work in progress since.  Though, I admit I could be more courageous and go faster than I have, but I'm getting there either way.

I respect you Katie, I do, but try to remember what things were like in the beginning of your transition.  That's where many of us are right now. 

Joanna,

It's true that we can be a pessimistic bunch.  What I will say is that many of my fears about moving foward have been overblown and unrealistic.  Most of it has been easy once I got over the fear aspect of it.  To be honest, that's been the hardest part so far because I build up major fears that have no basis in reality.  Besides dealing with my mother, most of it has been easy. So, I think you are right that we could be more positive. Still, I think it's okay to share the negative.  I'd like to think my negative stories will help other people starting their transition one day when they see that I made it through and succeeded.  It's the goal at least, lol.  I mean, I look at many of the negative stories of those who have fully transitioned before me and get strength from them.  One day I would like to do the same for others, especially the younger ones because tend to be a more insecure group with less financial resources.  It's kind of a daunting thing to undertake when your adult life is just start of beginning, at least, that's what I felt/ feel.  Therefore, I feel there is something positive to gain even from negativity. 

Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 17, 2013, 11:08:03 AM
Do I care if someone doesn't want to take me seriously because I choose to put up an avatar of a cartoon porcupine? Nope. Not one bit. Why should I care what anyone else thinks about anything I do or say?

Some of us take others more seriously because of their porcupine cartoon avatars!

I think the main reason why there is so much negativity is because for the most part, that's all most of us have at that very moment is negativity in nearly every direction in their life. I can look back at my older posts and that's just about all I had until things started moving forward for myself. I was very active early on looking for support when I had just about none.

I find it ludicrous to think/believe that a person isn't transitioning because they don't have a picture of themselves as their avatar or that if they do then they are on some kind of pedestal above all others . Quite frankly it has troll written all over it, especially given previous posts that I've read from that poster. People choose their avatar for many different reasons, some are out full time and don't care that their picture is on the internet, some are part time, some are still in the closet, some are still trying to figure themselves out, or they like a particular character from a show...ect. It's all up to that person and that's one thing that I can say as I honestly don't use that as the deciding factor on whether or not I'll take their advise or not. I look at what they say and that shows me their character and if they are worthy of being listened to.   

  I'd prefer to continue coming out to people on my own terms rather than being outed.  Having not received a single nasty look in public that I could detect I have no way of knowing whether or not I pass and to how many people.  If my identity preceded me you can bet this would have turned out differently and for the worse.  Prejudice can at least be contained sometimes if someone doesn't know in advance you're trans.

Quote from: kabit on December 17, 2013, 12:08:06 PM
Some of us take others more seriously because of their porcupine cartoon avatars!

+1!  My point exactly.  Our sense of humor can be just as mysterious to some as our gender identities.

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 17, 2013, 12:11:14 PM
  I'd prefer to continue coming out to people on my own terms rather than being outed.  Having not received a single nasty look in public that I could detect I have no way of knowing whether or not I pass and to how many people.  If my identity preceded me you can bet this would have turned out differently and for the worse.  Prejudice can at least be contained sometimes if someone doesn't know in advance you're trans.

+1!  My point exactly.  Our sense of humor can be just as mysterious to some as our gender identities.

<off topic>
Yes! My sense of humor hasn't changed, though I'm much less open to humor about certain subjects (you know... misogyny). Coming out to my bosses (today), we were definitely joking about it. It was fun, and that one hour of talking might have been my very best hour in recent memory.

Quote from: kabit on December 17, 2013, 12:14:16 PM
<off topic>
Yes! My sense of humor hasn't changed, though I'm much less open to humor about certain subjects (you know... misogyny). Coming out to my bosses (today), we were definitely joking about it. It was fun, and that one hour of talking might have been my very best hour in recent memory.

That's good to hear.

Quote from: kabit on December 17, 2013, 12:08:06 PM
Some of us take others more seriously because of their porcupine cartoon avatars!

Okay...fine.

So, where is the Ryo-Ohki avatar?

Hmmmm?

:D

Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 17, 2013, 12:28:45 PM
Okay...fine.

So, where is the Ryo-Ohki avatar?

Hmmmm?

:D

Miss_Bungle, have you been hanging around with that prickly little porcupine too long dear?  :D ;D

Quote from: Shantel on December 17, 2013, 12:35:07 PM
Miss_Bungle, have you been hanging around with that prickly little porcupine too long dear?  :D ;D

  Oh, come now Shantel, it's not a matter of 'conditioning' - Didn't you know she was born this way? ;)

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 17, 2013, 12:41:07 PM
  Oh, come now Shantel, it's not a matter of 'conditioning' - Didn't you know she was born this way? ;)

You have to just love her, cartoon brain and all!

Quote from: Megumi on December 17, 2013, 12:10:08 PM
I think the main reason why there is so much negativity is because for the most part, that's all most of us have at that very moment is negativity in nearly every direction in their life. I can look back at my older posts and that's just about all I had until things started moving forward for myself. I was very active early on looking for support when I had just about none.

I find it ludicrous to think/believe that a person isn't transitioning because they don't have a picture of themselves as their avatar or that if they do then they are on some kind of pedestal above all others . Quite frankly it has troll written all over it, especially given previous posts that I've read from that poster. People choose their avatar for many different reasons, some are out full time and don't care that their picture is on the internet, some are part time, some are still in the closet, some are still trying to figure themselves out, or they like a particular character from a show...ect. It's all up to that person and that's one thing that I can say as I honestly don't use that as the deciding factor on whether or not I'll take their advise or not. I look at what they say and that shows me their character and if they are worthy of being listened to.

Honestly, I don't think Katie meant anything bad or was attempting to troll by what she said.  I just think it's easy to forget where you once were. One of my best friends is a post op transwomen and it seems like her transition is a blur or just so long ago that it's no longer important.  Her only connection to the trans community has been me and she prefers it that way.  I respect that and probably will be the same myself.  Her perspective isn't going to be the same as those of us who are starting out or in the middle of things.  Even my perspective in terms of positivity and negativity on transitioning isn't even the same as it was when I started.  In March I thought just seeing a therapist was a big deal.  Today, I laugh that I was so paranoid about such a small step.  We just need to emphasize with everyone as best as we can and understand where they are coming from.  Some people are where I once was and some are where I'd like to be.   I respect the feelings of both even if I disagree at times.

Nonetheless, I agree that people don't have to show their face if they don't want to.  My biggest fear is who may be looking as there are a lot of creeps out there.  Other than that, I'm just an insecure chicken, lol.  Maybe one day I will, but it will probably be to a select few that I trust. Either way,  I don't think one's choice of presentation calls into question their credibility or transition status. And at the end of the day, I've shared more than many here and have oppened up about pretty much everything (something I sometimes regret).  So, if someone questions my honesty, than that is their own issue.  It's nothing to get upset over if that is their own opinion for right or for wrong. 

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc05.deviantart.net%2Ffs71%2Ff%2F2012%2F131%2F5%2Fd%2F5d9fca9ca1b7679f1d0701b35025f8ec-d4ze47v.png&hash=3ea71b4b66bcf2d33c7a7379d12ebd9bc9765f30)
They like carrots, too!

Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 17, 2013, 12:28:45 PM
Okay...fine.

So, where is the Ryo-Ohki avatar?

Hmmmm?

:D

Quote from: Shantel on December 17, 2013, 12:35:07 PM
Miss_Bungle, have you been hanging around with that prickly little porcupine too long dear?  :D ;D

Oh, you have no idea how deep this goes. :D

(Hmmm, some could take that the wrong way....Meh...I don't care. I'm sticking with it since I know what it means.)

I forgot to mention, I don't identify with `Negative Nancy'. I prefer `Maudlin Madeline' or `Saddie Maddie'! -Maddie

Madeline : Great, now you have me thinking of Moaning Myrtle. :)

Calamity Jane

Jaded Jaime...

Quote from: MadelineB on December 17, 2013, 01:00:41 PM
`Saddie Maddie'

That's a good one.

Jerkface Jenny

  Self-deprecating humor - another wondrous and mis-understood art form! ;D

I was going to come up with something boring... but here's some better ones.

Tenacious Tarah (but it's not self deprecating!)

Torrid Tarah

Troubled Tarah

(Titty) Twisted Tarah, perhaps? ;D

Chilly Charley

OK, I didn't know we were playing it that way! Dirty Devlyn

Quote from: kabit on December 17, 2013, 01:16:12 PM
(Titty) Twisted Tarah, perhaps? ;D

OUCH! :D

Quote from: kabit on December 17, 2013, 01:16:12 PM
I was going to come up with something boring... but here's some better ones.

Tenacious Tarah (but it's not self deprecating!)

Torrid Tarah

Troubled Tarah

(Titty) Twisted Tarah, perhaps? ;D

Tarah Mascara?

Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 17, 2013, 01:20:36 PM
OUCH! :D

Not yet... not much, at least!

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 17, 2013, 01:20:49 PM
Tarah Mascara?

See... I pronounce those as non-rhyming!

(Tah-rah) and (Mas-care-ah)

I also usually manage to poke myself in the eye when applying the latter.

  Okay, now that we're all having such fun again it occurred to me that we've stumbled upon a new "Fun and Games" topic.  In response I have created one:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,155982.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,155982.0.html)

Quote from: kabit on December 17, 2013, 01:41:13 PM
Not yet... not much, at least!

See... I pronounce those as non-rhyming!

(Tah-rah) and (Mas-care-ah)

I also usually manage to poke myself in the eye when applying the latter.

No worries, stop by Boston and we'll teach you how to pronounce that!   :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: kabit on December 17, 2013, 01:41:13 PM
I also usually manage to poke myself in the eye when applying the latter.

This is one thing that scares me off on using eye make-up. The other is my hands shake too much. It's not because I'm nervous, it's some weird condition of a sort.

Quote from: kabit on December 17, 2013, 01:41:13 PM
Not yet... not much, at least!

See... I pronounce those as non-rhyming!

(Tah-rah) and (Mas-care-ah)

I also usually manage to poke myself in the eye when applying the latter.

  Does it work if you say it with a British accent?

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 17, 2013, 01:48:19 PM
No worries, stop by Boston and we'll teach you how to pronounce that!   :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn

I should stop by Boston some time :D

I don't claim a RI accent... but Tarah is soft voweled. (To avoid too much similarity to my mother's name, Terry).

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 17, 2013, 01:49:23 PM
  Does it work if you say it with a British accent?

Shouldn't you be starting a "Bollucks up your British accent" thread?

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 17, 2013, 01:54:44 PM
Shouldn't you be starting a "Bollucks up your British accent" thread?

  I will take that under advisement!

<SIGH> It's BOLLOCKS. When will you people learn?   ;)

Rosie

Quote from: H, H, H, Honeypot! on December 17, 2013, 04:10:13 PM
<SIGH> It's BOLLOCKS. When will you people learn?   ;)

Rosie

I learned that in 5th grade. Stop being such a negative Nancy!  :D :D

Quote from: H, H, H, Honeypot! on December 17, 2013, 04:10:13 PM
<SIGH> It's BOLLOCKS. When will you people learn?   ;)

Rosie

One thing you won't be calling me is Ed.

Ed Ucation, that is!

what happened to all the negativity the universe is a duality

 :police:

OK people.

EVERYONE is welcome to this site and to post what they wish as long as it does not break the ToS.

People need as much support to buy a lipstick or clothes as they do to undertake GCS or any other procedure.

They can also post whatever avatar they wish as long as it is also within the rules.

I will also remind people that anything that 'outs' them is their responsibility and we strongly advise people to protect themselves and their privacy.

OK my avatar is pretty obvious of who I am and I have no issues with that as I am very well known in my society and I post such an avatar to support people who are still struggling with their issues.

That said the Moderators will not tolerate posts that suggest any member is more worthy or more female, male or androgyne than any other member.

Please bear in mind the feelings of others.

Cindy

My negativity depends on which wire in the circuit I am checking at the time.  A shocking concept to some people for sure, and sparks do fly. 

On the TG side of life, there are about 3 days a month when I can be pretty grouchy, and I can calendar them ahead of time since my endo is not about to change my hormone levels any time soon.

Fear and uncertainty are the biggest things that come out as being negative, and sure as it can be, my views on that have changed a lot since I first came here.  I won't say I am always positive these days, because it is sinking into me what I have really done, and I find caution  to be a better description of what I express than being dead set negative.  I am not the same person I was when I came here and with comfort in this community humor does take on a nicer glow even if I am the brunt of it.  Again though, fear and uncertainty are going to sound that way, and it does take time and  effort to turn that around.  A year ago I took the final scared step of sending some cashiers checks off to a surgeon, an anesthesiologist, and a hospital, and then got really scared for a few weeks, and there was not way I would seem the other way.  Some would say that today, I should be packing my bags out of Trans* places because I will be too happy the whole mess is kinda over and scare other people, or I will be too caustic on the other overly happy who just don't understand the situation.

We all can live through it, get some kind of a sense of humor, and stick around to listen to all the rest of the drama. 

As far as avatars are concerned, the site offers a large selection of pictures, characters and symbols in the avatar library. Lots of people browse through there and select one. It doesn't reflect on them one way or the other.

Hugs, Devlyn

I could not care less about avis. But I will say I do like seeing when a long time member posts a photo in one of the vanity threads just so I can put a face to a name. It ups the level of intimacy and connectedness. I do wish some members would post a photo if even for a hald day just so I can see what they look like. And really what better place then here? There's not a large number, if any, amount of people looking to out anon trans peeps. It would be a food first step for some cause if ur serious about transition one day you will have to present female all day everyday. But I can understand the hesitation and to each their own.

the point of this thread was to make people see not all baad things or remarks are trans hate. This guy said what the hell when I wlked in a store the other day. Know why? Because it's not everyday you see a tiny white chick with her clevage exposed walking into a store in the freezing cold with her hair punked out. I wasn't clocked. I was just stunning, as in stunning peeps. What the hell lol that's the thing I no longer default to OMG he knows I'm trans! I know this cuz he was with all his friends and no one laughed they were just eyeing...my boobs ans awesomeness lol which is my boobs lol

I just want to say how grateful I am for this community! Even just reading through a few pages of this has lightened up my mood this evening (running on UK time) and just given me that extra bit of determination to make the most of this life.

Xx

for the most part my life is positive!! The negative is that I am transgendered!

I at first figured I would transition to be a transgendered woman....after a short time pre transition I realized I really could be accepted as just another women. Now being a little over 2 years FT I am accepted as a woman anywhere I go...the few people who do know about me have accepted me as well....the only problem is it's a transgendered women!!

My biggest negatives are my financial situation, intimacy/relationship and having to be known as transgendered.

Financial-its a really bad place now!!

relationship- found a great man and possibly lover....problem  is he doesn't know about me :( ...him- "I would like to meet your kids" me- ahhh well I'm not ready for that" How could I possibly tell my children..."ahh children theirs someone I would like you to meet, please refer to me as your mom! I'm already deceiving him...I don't need to teach my children too!

Itamacy- see above....I have gone much farther than I should have..this was not something that was planned, but after 8 years without even a kiss...I needed to feel loved!

My last negative is with my children.....even though they have accepted me and supported me sooo much, I will always be transgendered! Yesterday I brought my youngest sledding...he was to meet a new friend, he told him his mother was dropping him off....I said, that's ok we'll just go with that for now. When I went to pick him up he opened up the door and introduced me to his friend...I said hi! when we left he told me that he told his friend his dad was transgendered....sigh......I'm not a dad nor am I a mom....I am transgendered.

As far as everything else....all thumbs up!!!

For anyone that is POST OP or stealth.....good luck not having some of the same experiences. I am essentially stealth to most, blend in very well, voice good, all legal documents changed...only thing missing is GRS. There is no way to completely hide your past...legal name changes are public! I won't abandon my children or make them call me mom....so that still remains. As far as GRS...yes this would definitely help with intimacy....if I wanted NSA type of relationship.

So yes I am positive....but there still is much to get down from at times!!

Quote from: Joanna Dark on December 18, 2013, 03:21:01 PM
I could not care less about avis. But I will say I do like seeing when a long time member posts a photo in one of the vanity threads just so I can put a face to a name. It ups the level of intimacy and connectedness. I do wish some members would post a photo if even for a hald day just so I can see what they look like. And really what better place then here? There's not a large number, if any, amount of people looking to out anon trans peeps. It would be a food first step for some cause if ur serious about transition one day you will have to present female all day everyday. But I can understand the hesitation and to each their own.

the point of this thread was to make people see not all baad things or remarks are trans hate. This guy said what the hell when I wlked in a store the other day. Know why? Because it's not everyday you see a tiny white chick with her clevage exposed walking into a store in the freezing cold with her hair punked out. I wasn't clocked. I was just stunning, as in stunning peeps. What the hell lol that's the thing I no longer default to OMG he knows I'm trans! I know this cuz he was with all his friends and no one laughed they were just eyeing...my boobs ans awesomeness lol which is my boobs lol

I've thought about showing my face publicly, but after careful thought I really don't think so.  To be honest, there are creeps out there and some trolls who I don't trust having my picture.  You don't know who lurks out there and I'd rather be safe than sorry, especially since I do want to go stealth in the future.  How does any of us know if the guests are all innocent onlookers or if all the posters are who they say they are?  Perhaps I'm being paranoid and overly cautious, but I don't want any problems when my transition is going to set my entire future.  Having said that, I may be willing to share my picture with a select few in the future and you'd be on my list if I decide to do so.  I'm not there yet, but perhaps one day. :)

Yeah, now that I'm finally developing boobs (small ones but they exist), I've noticed that people tend to stare.  Sometimes it's a little uncomfortable because they aren't so subtle with their looks.  Then again, I have boobs and wear a bra in my andro "boy mode", so that may explain the stares, lol.  Can't wait to start part time/ full time, so I can be done with this in between phase.

Quote from: learningtolive on December 18, 2013, 05:17:38 PM
I've thought about showing my face publicly, but after careful thought I really don't think so.  To be honest, there are creeps out there and some trolls who I don't trust having my picture.  You don't know who lurks out there and I'd rather be safe than sorry, especially since I do want to go stealth in the future.  How does any of us know if the guests are all innocent onlookers or if all the posters are who they say they are?  Perhaps I'm being paranoid and overly cautious, but I don't want any problems when my transition is going to set my entire future.  Having said that, I may be willing to share my picture with a select few in the future and you'd be on my list if I decide to do so.  I'm not there yet, but perhaps one day. :)

Yeah, now that I'm finally developing boobs (small ones but they exist), I've noticed that people tend to stare.  Sometimes it's a little uncomfortable because they aren't so subtle with their looks.  Then again, I have boobs and wear a bra in my andro "boy mode", so that may explain the stares, lol.  Can't wait to start part time/ full time, so I can be done with this in between phase.

If I unzip my coat and walk down the street guys look at my boobs all the time it's a college town ,but since I just started I guess their wondering why.

When I started therapy a year ago I told the therapist my life has hit zero. I cursed that I was born and had no hope.

Almost a year later I have come a long way and done some things I though were impossible. Each time there was fear, pain and a little bit of freedom.

As the time passes I enjoy the freedom I earned and the pain is still there but fading.

I have a long way to go. I would say I am at 10 out of 100. I fought for the 10 and now enjoy the privilege I earned.

Not boob busting out all over but growing :)

When I come out at work I will post who I am with a pic. My wife made an ultimatum that if I come out we are over. Time and being myself ( changing self) may trump her ultimatum and render it irrelevant.

Work ultimatum is that when I come out "it must be done well".

Quote from: Carrie Liz on December 16, 2013, 09:53:40 PM
Yeah... admittedly it can get negative at times, because, well, this is a support site, so most of the posts are going to be from people who need emotional support and need people helping them. After a certain point in transition when everything is pretty much done, most people leave. If you look back to 2009-2010, 99% of the posters in them are nowhere to be found now. Every single year there seems to be a completely new list of members who are the most active, and then a year or two later they're all nowhere to be found anymore. Transition is temporary. Most people, once they're done, just go out and get back to living their lives, and they really don't have a need to be here anymore. Which means that at any given moment, a majority of the people here are always going to be those who are in the difficult parts of transition, and fighting through all of the physical and emotional changes, so most of the topics are going to be about that too.

First of all, Carrie, I'm looking at your avatar and your change is incredible, amazing! That is sooo neat!!! I've done the same thing in going back years on this site and I've noticed that most of the girls here then aren't here now. On another site I can't even name here, it's like that too, and at one point in time I needed to vent, but there was lots and lots of BS there, plus I didn't need it anymore. Everything you just said is very true! With the progress you've made it seems you won't be on forever either. I come and go on Susan's, but I really love the women here and the site itself. I bitch sometimes, but it never has to do with my life now, just the physical pain I'm in from my injuries and bad surgeries. I'll probably come on from time to time after SRS, because I was given hope each time I came here. I'm trying to do the same for new girls now that I have a few successful, wonderful years of finally living a life, not existing in an endless limbo. Life is finally good. Hugs, Mira

Quote from: Miranda Catherine on December 18, 2013, 10:01:11 PM
First of all, Carrie, I'm looking at your avatar and your change is incredible, amazing! That is sooo neat!!! I've done the same thing in going back years on this site and I've noticed that most of the girls here then aren't here now. On another site I can't even name here, it's like that too, and at one point in time I needed to vent, but there was lots and lots of BS there, plus I didn't need it anymore. Everything you just said is very true! With the progress you've made it seems you won't be on forever either. I come and go on Susan's, but I really love the women here and the site itself. I bitch sometimes, but it never has to do with my life now, just the physical pain I'm in from my injuries and bad surgeries. I'll probably come on from time to time after SRS, because I was given hope each time I came here. I'm trying to do the same for new girls now that I have a few successful, wonderful years of finally living a life, not existing in an endless limbo. Life is finally good. Hugs, Mira

Atta girl Mira, some of us like to pay it forward and be big sis to the newbys for their sake!

 I sincerely appreciate the long-time members sticking around here, regardless of their age.  It helps greatly to retain the wealth of experience and it maintains the 'family feeling' that we're known for.  I don't want to end up a stranger on Susan's by the time my transition completes.  This forum is always much more than a support tool.  It often is and could be much more of a social network but at the very least is an extremely fun place to hang around and chat on without any kind of obligation.

  That said, the discussions I've had here and the resources available carried me through a long and anxious period in the early days of my journey.  I give Susan's most of the credit for me avoiding referral to long-winded one-on-one mental therapy because I was able to talk-out everything in my head before clearing the wait lists for an HRT prescribing doctor.  By the time I met my doctor I was almost perfectly at ease with my situation and presented female to them from day one.

  Wow - just noticed I'm reply #100 in this thread.  Us 'Nancies' are a prolific bunch, and on the whole, rather positive. ;)

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 19, 2013, 10:53:44 AM
I sincerely appreciate the long-time members sticking around here, regardless of their age.  It helps greatly to retain the wealth of experience and it maintains the 'family feeling' that we're known for.  I don't want to end up a stranger on Susan's by the time my transition completes.  This forum is always much more than a support tool.  It often is and could be much more of a social network but at the very least is an extremely fun place to hang around and chat on without any kind of obligation.

  That said, the discussions I've had here and the resources available carried me through a long and anxious period in the early days of my journey.  I give Susan's most of the credit for me avoiding referral to long-winded one-on-one mental therapy because I was able to talk-out everything in my head before clearing the wait lists for an HRT prescribing doctor.  By the time I met my doctor I was almost perfectly at ease with my situation and presented female to them from day one.

  Wow - just noticed I'm reply #100 in this thread.  Us 'Nancies' are a prolific bunch, and on the whole, rather positive   

Susan's has helped me with a lot of doubts and made the path smoother

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 19, 2013, 10:53:44 AM
Us 'Nancies' are a prolific bunch, and on the whole, rather positive. ;)

I'm not! I hate everything and I think that everything sucks!! GRRRRRR!!! :D

(Except for Harsh Noise, Ambient, Experimental, Metal, Rock, Jazz, Classical, music. Writing fics, A few sitcoms and cartoons, and a few comedians (some living, some dead) and certain comfort foods. And.....other stuff. :P

Quote from: Miranda Catherine on December 18, 2013, 10:01:11 PM
First of all, Carrie, I'm looking at your avatar and your change is incredible, amazing! That is sooo neat!!! I've done the same thing in going back years on this site and I've noticed that most of the girls here then aren't here now. On another site I can't even name here, it's like that too, and at one point in time I needed to vent, but there was lots and lots of BS there, plus I didn't need it anymore. Everything you just said is very true! With the progress you've made it seems you won't be on forever either.

Thank you very much. But I don't plan on going anywhere. My goal since day one has always been to help people. And if you ask me, just like the OP pointed out, the ratio of new girls asking for support to experienced girls who can actually give that support, is woefully low. If you ask me, more of us should stick around to pay it forward, show that transition really can be a positive experience, and give some actual constructive post-transition advice to people. Because while most of my best friendships have indeed come from girls who were at the same stage of hormones as me, and who basically said "I don't know, but we'll get through it together," like Heather and Zoe, most of the biggest help that I've received in terms of reassurance has been from long post-transition girls, who are unfortunately few and far between because they're mostly just out living their lives.

Hell, I'm kind of shocked to notice that now I'm actually considered one of the more experienced ones, because most of the girls asking questions are either pre-hormones or within the first 5 months or so of hormones. So on a lot of questions regarding HRT timelines in terms of breast growth, muscle atrophy, and a bunch of other things, I'm actually one of the voices of experience. Never saw that coming. But nonetheless, I greatly appreciate every person who is post-transition and yet sticks around to help people, and can inject some positivity into this site and show people that it doesn't have to be such a negative thing.

Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 19, 2013, 11:29:59 AM
I'm not! I hate everything and I think that everything sucks!! GRRRRRR!!! :D

(Except for Harsh Noise, Ambient, Experimental, Metal, Rock, Jazz, Classical, music. Writing fics, A few sitcoms and cartoons, and a few comedians (some living, some dead) and certain comfort foods. And.....other stuff. :P

Not to mention kabits... ♥
;)

Quote from: kabit on December 19, 2013, 12:00:11 PM
Not to mention kabits... ♥
;)

and KATs!

You can say I'm negative all you like, so long as you call me NANCY!   :icon_female:

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 19, 2013, 10:53:44 AM
I sincerely appreciate the long-time members sticking around here, regardless of their age.  It helps greatly to retain the wealth of experience and it maintains the 'family feeling' that we're known for.  I don't want to end up a stranger on Susan's by the time my transition completes.  This forum is always much more than a support tool.  It often is and could be much more of a social network but at the very least is an extremely fun place to hang around and chat on without any kind of obligation.

Nicely put. I agree...and it's those people who keep me hanging around. Also this site helped me to deal with reality, and the reality of our situation is that we currently face some obstacles and I definitely had my share of negative experiences coming out. However for every person who hated me and refused to accept me, there were 10 who accepted me or just didn't care...and obviously I didn't need help with the positive experiences.