Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm on vacation from work but still in the general vicinity and wouldn't miss the staff Xmas lunch for anything...work shuts down for half a day and everyone goes to a restaurant with a private room for lunch and the rest of the afternoon. As far as Xmas parties go I'm sure it's extremely tame, it's not a massive booze up and it's all very calm, informal and relaxing. Some years have been better than others but yesterday was better than usual...BUT OMG I WISH I COULD HAVE GONE THERE IN A DRESS! All but one of the women from the office were wearing dresses yesterday... having recently bought a few myself it would have been awesome to wear one but I just had to let my disappointment on that one slide and be "content" with wearing knee high cargo shorts and sandals (hey, I said it was informal... plus it was close to 40C/100F in Sydney yesterday!)

One staff member had a special announcement, after 15+ years with the organisation she is moving on. Sad, I really like her. Then I thought "I should make a special announcement too!!" - but that was the champagne talking and I wisely decided to keep my mouth zipped. At the lunch table I hinted I might have my own announcement next year (thanks, wine) this was in earshot of two of the women who do know my status J & W. A few others of course wanted to know what it was going to be, I said they'd have to wait until next year - J said "why don't you put it in the newsletter?" and when I said I would W burst out laughing. In-jokes are always funny when you're in on them of course!  :D

After lunch we were sitting around in the very comfy couches chatting and drinking when one of the women suddenly noticed my hairless legs (and then my arms)...wow, did I become the centre of attention! Not only are they hairless, but thanks to the HRT the skin is very smooth. I fessed up to having a full body wax, but left it at that. All the women were quite fascinated, the two other (very hairy) guys present both blanched somewhat. The ladies wanted to know why did I do it, did it hurt, why did I do it, how long had I been waxing, why did I do it...you get the picture. One woman made a side comment that the only only other guy she knew who had waxed was trans gendered...hee...I was DYING to say something, but instead just rode out the attention. ;D

It's driving me nuts though. Realistically I don't think I can transition full time for another 5-6 months (beard, hair), but dammit I so wish I could plunge in now. Patience, patience, I know. I'm almost at six months HRT and the thought of another six undercover is not something I'm looking forward to... :-\

I know exactly how you feel.  :(

Be patient Grace and come out when your ready, I know that's how I will be. Once out it will always be out.
Perhaps it might not take as long as planned with the hair? I am hoping this myself.
If you were like Cindy you would have been out months ago and taking on the world in a full frontal attack!

Take your time and J & W can be there for you if they know already. I promise I wont tell them.
The newsletter sounds like a an idea introducing a new staff member. :laugh:

Hope your heads not too sore from the lunch.

J

I came out in a similar situation to Grace. I was dressing in tunics and leggings and had my ears pierced and wearing nail polish. Pretty obvious?

In fact no, I'd been like that for weeks and one day one of my female colleagues made a comment that it was nice to see a guy brave enough to polish his nails.

My brain just about exploded with pressure and I said the words. I'm a transgender woman and I will be living full time as me, a woman, in future.

Once it was out there was no holding back so I told everyone.

Next day every woman in the Department came in with polished nails!

I went to work in a skirt and blouse the next week ::)

No one has ever said anything nasty, just the opposite.

Thanks ladies!

I expect a high degree of support at and from work. We're a small progressive community organisation with about 80% women employed. As much as it was killin' me to keep my yap shut yesterday I figured there were a number of reasons to cool my jets...

• Aforementioned beard removal and thin hair regrowth, really want to give those a bit more time before going full time and I don't want to fully out myself until I'm ready to go full time.
• I've got an in principle arrangement with the Sydney Gender Centre to help with my transition, do a bit of staff training about trans* issues to answer questions etc before, tahdah, I'm introduced as Grace... likely to be early June.
• I have a reputation as a bit of a joker, not one of those inane joke tellers or practical joke pranksters, just someone who always sees the amusing angle in absurd things... to out myself at the Xmas party might be seen as some kind of weird joke and the effort to convince people I was serious would probably make me and them a bit uncomfortable.
• The Xmas party is for everyone, not me... and to out myself would have made it about me. Better to let everyone have their fun and wait for an appropriate time agreed to with management. Besides outing and alcohol probably doesn't go together too well!

And my head's fine thanks Jen ;D

Sounds a good plan. I think my subconscious put me into a place where I was forced to out myself.

Believe it or not I was a very timid person, well he was. I'm different :laugh:

I know exactly what you mean, Cindy. I find myself feeling increasingly self confident and able to speak my mind, respectfully of course - this time last year you wouldn't hear boo from me.

Grace, sound slike you had a good time at the Xmas party and good work on coming up with an excuse for your hairless arms and legs. Like everyone has said, patience. In six months you can find the proper way to come out and everything will work well for you. Or you could do it the subtle way like Cindy did, but I'm sure that J & W are a little suspicious already. Keep your eye on them.

Thanks Gina!

Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 21, 2013, 05:03:30 AM
...but I'm sure that J & W are a little suspicious already. Keep your eye on them.

Heh, J & W (& A) do already know. I told W (close colleague) and A (boss) back after my melt down in February. Told J (new supervisor) a few months later. All three are supportive and are keeping my "secret" until I'm ready to make it more widely known. W in particular has been great, I chat with her about developments and clothing purchases and what not. I did say to all three of them that if other staff start wondering what's up with me and ask about me then they should tell those people to come and chat with me. The Xmas party was pretty much the closest it's ever come to people noticing something related to my transition... I think I might have to expect people's curiosity will be piqued now and possibly they'll notice other things and want to know what's up. We'll see. I respect the people I work with and I'm only keeping a lid on things because my experience with my first go at transition was that I told everyone way too early, well before I was ready to go full time and it just confused the heck outta them.

That reminds me of the time just before I came out at work.

I would put a clear coat of polish over my nails and nobody noticed or ever commented about it.

Until...

I was in a big meeting with my boss and several other people about a project.  During the meeting I raised my hand to make a comment and my boss did a double take when he noticed my nails.  He stared at them and then at me.

I quickly put my hands on my lap and never put them on the conference table again during a meeting.  I was terribly embarrassed.

He never said anything, but I know he was probably wondering what was going on with me.

He found out about five months later...

-Sandy

Isn't it a pain that we actually listen to ourselves and not give ourselves away? Well some of us do, Cindy excluded :) (I wish I could/would just do what you did!).
I'm having the same thoughts Grace, I have a pretty forgiving work uniform that is about as form fitting as sackcloth so no one at work is the wiser to my more "shapely" appearance, but I do get comments like "Wow! your arms are quite hairless!" and at least 3 or 4 times been asked "Do you play guitar?", no, "ah ok, people who play usually have longer fingernails..." and I think they all think I am obsessed with my hair lol.
I also had both my ear lobes pierced for the first time this week and a few people noticed, by which I mean one of the girls shouted "HE GOT HIS EARS PIERCED!".

I had to laugh today too, one of the girls is going on maternity leave and I will kinda be filling in for her on a committee, again she commented about my long curly hair and I said I am just growing it so I can replace her to which she said...

"What?! Your not transgendered! Hahahaha!"

OMFG I just smiled. I just literally sat there smiled and someone else changed the subject about 2 seconds later.

Maybe I'm not being as subtle as I thought! :) :)

It might be best to stick to the plan, or at least if you want to advance it Grace just make your plans a bit closer than you'd originally planned. I'm already up to version 3.2 of my date to go FT and that is definitely going to be closer than I originally thought.

Quote from: Sandy on December 21, 2013, 06:00:32 AM
That reminds me of the time just before I came out at work.

I would put a clear coat of polish over my nails and nobody noticed or ever commented about it.

Until...

Also today one of the girls was talking about a cosmetics stall in the local shopping centre and how amazing the buffer they had made her nails look, I stopped myself from just jumping into the whole sales pitch saying "Wow! Really?! I just bought that last week! Look at my nails! Don't they look great?!".

I swear I must be lucky not working tomorrow because at this rate I'll probably out myself by lunch time.

It's great to know I'm not the only one just dying to out myself at work!

I do wonder though if I'm starting to do things deliberately to draw attention to myself. I mean, I could have worn long pants the other day... I pretty much calculated that my freshly waxed legs might get noticed (although it did take several hours).

Sandy, a few weeks ago I coloured the nail on my left hand pinkie...a nice purple colour...I got quite good at keeping that little finger tucked away when at work. Although my aforementioned colleague - W-  did notice so I obviously wasn't being as careful as I thought. Since I was "Santa" for the party, distributing the secret Santa presents, I was seriously considering painting all my nails red...but decided that might be pushing it a bit.

Speaking of being Santa, when I got up to start the distribution of the presents I acknowledged I was about as far from the standard Santa as you could get...(I'm tall, skinny, no beard)... Someone said "well, you're a guy at least"! Sheesh, these people just kept giving me golden opportunities and I had to keep swatting them off. Not bad considering I'd had four drinks by that stage. :D

Rachel, I'll be getting my ears pierced in the new year...another not so subtle attempt to out myself at work awaits! ;D

Quote from: Ms Grace on December 21, 2013, 05:41:10 AM
Thanks Gina!
Heh, J & W (& A) do already know. I told W (close colleague) and A (boss) back after my melt down in February. Told J (new supervisor) a few months later. All three are supportive and are keeping my "secret" until I'm ready to make it more widely known. W in particular has been great, I chat with her about developments and clothing purchases and what not. I did say to all three of them that if other staff start wondering what's up with me and ask about me then they should tell those people to come and chat with me.

I'm really happy for you Grace that you've got some really good friends that you can trust and depend on as well.  :) Unlike my situation at church, those that saw me went straight to my mom to find out what was going on instead of coming to the source, and that really upset me. I mean they could have even have went to my pastor, because I spoke to him before hand, and he knew about me, and I'm sure that he would have told them to go and speak with me.

So I guess right now you're just busting at the seems to tell everybody. You can either wiat for the six months or you cna either just come right out with it and tell them now and start dresing like a woman like Cindy did. I'm sure that they'd have no problems with it as long as you clear it with HR first.

I tried to talk to my mom who runs her company about letting me work for her, but she gave me every excuse and every possible bad scenario of why I couldn't, so I eventually dropped it. If anything, I'll find work eslewhere.  ;D

It sounds like you have a great work environment.  To be honest,  it sounds like they may have a clue.  I've found that people can't keep this a secret and they will pass it on others. If you keep detecting that they know something is up, it's likely they do.  At least, that's been my experience so far.  Either way, they sound nice and accepting, so that's great.

Grace

Just think how much fun next years Xmas party will be.
By that time we both will be out and truly ourselves an hopefully happy.

Oh well pity about Santa, who will di it next year?  :laugh:

J

I know how tempting it is to out oneself at times, but you were probably wise not to come out during the holiday party, mainly for reason #4 above. I've been thinking about outing myself to others during this time, but figured the holidays would probably not be a good time.

Okay ladies, am I the only one wondering how the others noticed her hairless legs at a holiday party? Too much liquor? LOL.

Jane

Sorry to hear about the problems with your mom and church, Gina.

Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 21, 2013, 01:30:07 PM
So I guess right now you're just busting at the seems to tell everybody. You can either wiat for the six months or you cna either just come right out with it and tell them now and start dresing like a woman like Cindy did. I'm sure that they'd have no problems with it as long as you clear it with HR first.

Believe me I would if I didn't need to grow out my hair and zap my beard. I'd wear a wig, except going into a hot and humid Sydney summer would not be fun having that on my head. For that reason alone I'm happy to bide my time.

Quote from: learningtolive on December 21, 2013, 02:04:43 PM
It sounds like you have a great work environment.  To be honest,  it sounds like they may have a clue.  I've found that people can't keep this a secret and they will pass it on others. If you keep detecting that they know something is up, it's likely they do.  At least, that's been my experience so far.  Either way, they sound nice and accepting, so that's great.

It did occur to me that the gossip/curiosity might very well start about me now so I have to be ready for that. W in particular is one of the people most staff might talk to if they were curious about me, not because she is a gossip but because she is close to many people and generally has her ear to the ground. She'll keep my secret for sure, but I'd rather she not have to lie for me and pretend she knows nothing, which is why I told her (and J & A) to direct any anyone enquiring about me to just come to me for a chat.

Quote from: Jenny07 on December 21, 2013, 05:37:23 PM
Just think how much fun next years Xmas party will be.
By that time we both will be out and truly ourselves an hopefully happy.

Oh well pity about Santa, who will do it next year?  :laugh:

Indeed! But I'm certainly hoping I still get to be Santa. Maybe Ms Claus...  ;)

Quote from: JaneNicole2013 on December 22, 2013, 07:01:53 AM
Okay ladies, am I the only one wondering how the others noticed her hairless legs at a holiday party? Too much liquor? LOL.

heh. Very possibly! The lady who noticed wasn't drunk, although she did stroke my knee to see how smooth it was and suggested to another lady to do so (she did, and said I put her to shame!!). Yes, maybe a bit inappropriate at any workplace party but I really didn't mind, in fact I loved it ;D It's not something a man could do to a female colleague, and probably not something a woman should do to a male colleague (not without sending a lot of wrong signals) but it is definitely something a woman might do with another woman - I have to say I felt so accepted as a woman in that moment, even if I wasn't presenting as female. Totally made up for not being able to wear a dress.