Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey guys, I was wondering what your family's initial reaction was when you first came out to them as being transgender, and did their reactions change over time?

I ask this question because sometime in the distant future, I plan on coming out to my family, and I know that the initial reactions won't be so good.  I come from a more conservative, Christian family so I know that they won't accept me being transgender.  Please note that I am only speaking for my family not being tolerating, not every conservative Christian family. I feel like my family consists of the type of people where I could give them evidence upon evidence for ->-bleeped-<- and not matter how much I try to explain my view point from science AND the Bible, they will ignore everything I present to them and they will continue to be set in their opinions about it.  However, I'd *like* to think that over time, as I do transition and they see me as a happier person that's actually motivated about something, that they might become more accepting. Again, I'd like to *think* that may be possible. 

Have any of you guys had unaccepting family members at first, but over time, they not only accept you, but embrace you for the person you became?  If so, how long did it take for them to reach that point and what do you think changed their mind?  How far along were you in your transition when they had a change of heart?  What made it hard for them to accept your transition in the first place? 

If your family was accepting at first, but changed their mind and became unaccepting, I would love to hear about that too.  What do you think made them change their mind and how far along were you in your transition when it happened?

Sorry for asking a lot of questions, but I'm really curious to hear other guys stories on this in hopes that my family may change their mind and accept me one day.

Probably not what you wanna hear, but I'm one of the lucky ones. My family pretty much said it made sense and have accepted and made the change well. I just wanted to say that people can surprise you. I come from a Roman Catholic upbringing, and FWIW my mother reacted very badly when I told her I was attracted to women - to the point where I moved out and didn't speak to anyone for a few months - so I was expecting much of the same coming out round 2. But as I said they were quite accepting when I told them I was trans. When I asked her what made this easier to deal with she said that she saw my being attracted to woman (as in being "lesbian") as a choice but my being trans as no choice, as in a birth defect. So people can surprise you mate. But I imagine others will be along shortly with better accounts of their own :)

Well, the thing about this (in my experience) is you never can tell how people will ultimately react. I've had people accept me that I never imagined would and I've had people who I thought would love me no matter what shun who I have become. Just recently my wife's bisexual cousin clocked me after knowing her for a decade. She hadn't seen me in a few years so changes were noticeable. Long story short she told her dad who is a big Army guy...mister macho who has served 4 tours in Afghanistan. I was prepared for the you know what to hit the fan, but nope. He is accepting and has no problems with it what so ever.

Then on the other hand I've had gay cis friends who I thought would be accepting be hateful about it. In my case family has been what I make it. I lost 95% of my people once I started transition. I can tell you it is all worth it. It's not easy, never will be. Southern Baptist's can have an unshakable view. You know what though? The people I've been left with after all of this truly are the cream of the crop.

They accepted it easily as reality, but most of them are not supportive of it. It's very frustrating. Every time I get sick, it's "because I get those shots." If I'm tired, it's "because you're poisoning your body." Now that I'm having back and lung problems from binding, they're constantly on me to "just stop wearing those shirts and be 'who you are.'" They do not understand, and it's exhausting sometimes, but they still love me; I haven't lost anyone because of it.

At the very least, most of them don't call me by my birthname and wrong pronouns in public, in front of other people. But I don't think they will ever call me by my "new" name, lol. Ever. That's OK. I'm just glad I still have them.

So even if you're sure they won't react well, it might not be terrible.

Quote from: Simon on December 27, 2013, 11:10:50 PM
Then on the other hand I've had gay cis friends who I thought would be accepting be hateful about it.

Same here; every lesbian friend I have acts like my very existence is offensive. One even went so far as to say I was "participating in the genocide of lesbians," whatever that means. The gay men I know don't care one way or another, but the women are a different story for some reason.

At first my family was really rude and disrespectful about my coming out. They told me I don't know what I'm saying and how would I know, I'm too young to know it, my experiences doesn't count but they can tell me what I think I feel. They refused the idea that I'm really trans and we never talked about it again. Next time I saw them last christmas, I was on T for about 2 months without them knowing. They saw the changes and knew I'm serious if I could get on T without their help. The rest of my family are doctors so they know all the people in my country who could have help me in any stage of my transition. They never offered, I never asked. Now they offered to consult with a doc who has a team for all the ftm surgeries. I even talked to him and I really consider to go to him and his team but that's out of topic. The point is, now they see how serious I am about this, and how different I am in a good way. This christmas everyone was cool about me being me and no one called me by my birth name not even once, I'm really proud of them for this  :) So yeah, they changed their mind over time. I hope your family will see your life changing in a good way and accept you.

My family was very supportive, but maybe I was just really lucky. Everybody was just like "Oh.. Well that explains alot" haha.. Suddenly everybody started saying "he" and used the name I wanted to change to. My dad sometimes says my birthname, but I think they just really have to get used to it and stuff.. Funny thing is that my dad was raised in a very christian family, and my mom is actually a minister. So you never know, a persons thoughts might even change when its about someone you really love. (English is not my first language so sorry if I messed up somewhere)

Quote from: Aussie Jay on December 27, 2013, 11:01:04 PM
I just wanted to say that people can surprise you. I come from a Roman Catholic upbringing, and FWIW my mother reacted very badly when I told her I was attracted to women - to the point where I moved out and didn't speak to anyone for a few months - so I was expecting much of the same coming out round 2. But as I said they were quite accepting when I told them I was trans. When I asked her what made this easier to deal with she said that she saw my being attracted to woman (as in being "lesbian") as a choice but my being trans as no choice, as in a birth defect. So people can surprise you mate.

Ah, I've heard of that happening before where the family accepts being trans over being "homosexual".  I must say, that in a way, the reasoning is pretty interesting and it would be amazing if my family got to that point.  I'd be happy with that outcome.  :D

Quote from: Simon on December 27, 2013, 11:10:50 PM
Well, the thing about this (in my experience) is you never can tell how people will ultimately react. I've had people accept me that I never imagined would and I've had people who I thought would love me no matter what shun who I have become. Just recently my wife's bisexual cousin clocked me after knowing her for a decade. She hadn't seen me in a few years so changes were noticeable. Long story short she told her dad who is a big Army guy...mister macho who has served 4 tours in Afghanistan. I was prepared for the you know what to hit the fan, but nope. He is accepting and has no problems with it what so ever.

Then on the other hand I've had gay cis friends who I thought would be accepting be hateful about it. In my case family has been what I make it. I lost 95% of my people once I started transition. I can tell you it is all worth it. It's not easy, never will be. Southern Baptist's can have an unshakable view. You know what though? The people I've been left with after all of this truly are the cream of the crop.

You do make great points, Simon.  I guess my philosophy on this should be/is expect the worse and then I can only be pleasently surprised.

Quote from: DCQ on December 28, 2013, 12:27:49 PM
They accepted it easily as reality, but most of them are not supportive of it. It's very frustrating. Every time I get sick, it's "because I get those shots." If I'm tired, it's "because you're poisoning your body." Now that I'm having back and lung problems from binding, they're constantly on me to "just stop wearing those shirts and be 'who you are.'" They do not understand, and it's exhausting sometimes, but they still love me; I haven't lost anyone because of it.

At the very least, most of them don't call me by my birthname and wrong pronouns in public, in front of other people. But I don't think they will ever call me by my "new" name, lol. Ever. That's OK. I'm just glad I still have them.

So even if you're sure they won't react well, it might not be terrible.

I can see how that could be very frustrating.  I guess I would prefer a "tolerating" stance over a absolute rejection, but being embraced for me would be the best.  For me, just being "tolerated" may hurt just as much as rejection.  I don't know if I could have a healthy relationship with my family and they constantly gave me the "you brought this upon yourself for transitioning" vibe.

Quote from: Jared on December 28, 2013, 03:34:55 PM
At first my family was really rude and disrespectful about my coming out. They told me I don't know what I'm saying and how would I know, I'm too young to know it, my experiences doesn't count but they can tell me what I think I feel. They refused the idea that I'm really trans and we never talked about it again. Next time I saw them last christmas, I was on T for about 2 months without them knowing. They saw the changes and knew I'm serious if I could get on T without their help. The rest of my family are doctors so they know all the people in my country who could have help me in any stage of my transition. They never offered, I never asked. Now they offered to consult with a doc who has a team for all the ftm surgeries. I even talked to him and I really consider to go to him and his team but that's out of topic. The point is, now they see how serious I am about this, and how different I am in a good way. This christmas everyone was cool about me being me and no one called me by my birth name not even once, I'm really proud of them for this  :) So yeah, they changed their mind over time. I hope your family will see your life changing in a good way and accept you.

Thanks for sharing your experience with me, Jared!  I'm out to one of my sisters and my father and they more or less gave me the same response as your family initially did and never spoke about it again.  I suppose actions really do speak louder than words.  Maybe they will come to accept me when they see how serious I will be about it.  I definately hope so too.

Quote from: duztex on December 28, 2013, 06:22:50 PM
My family was very supportive, but maybe I was just really lucky. Everybody was just like "Oh.. Well that explains alot" haha.. Suddenly everybody started saying "he" and used the name I wanted to change to. My dad sometimes says my birthname, but I think they just really have to get used to it and stuff.. Funny thing is that my dad was raised in a very christian family, and my mom is actually a minister. So you never know, a persons thoughts might even change when its about someone you really love. (English is not my first language so sorry if I messed up somewhere)

That's pretty awesome,  I really hope that my family loves me enough to want to see things from my perspective and make the change because they love me and only want to see me happy.

Quote from: DCQ on December 28, 2013, 12:27:49 PM
Same here; every lesbian friend I have acts like my very existence is offensive. One even went so far as to say I was "participating in the genocide of lesbians," whatever that means. The gay men I know don't care one way or another, but the women are a different story for some reason.

Well I didn't identify as lesbian before, but it seems odd how anybody can participate in the genocide of lesbians, seems like there are quite a lot of them. Seems a bit like the "War on Christmas" or something. Something that has pretty much taken over the culture doesn't seem like something that you can kill off.

--Jay

My MIL has dealt pretty well with her own child's gender change (although she still slips up a lot with names and pronouns), but she completely does not understand my genderqueer thing.  She asks me "Why can't you just be lesbians together?" even though I've explained things to her many, many times.  She is supportive, just very confused.  she's getting better, though.  Slowly...

I first came out around 6 years ago - I got pretty much the reactions I expected, all my favourite family members and close friends were 100% supportive and still are. The ones who weren't and still aren't I wasn't close to anyway.

My two sisters were the ones to surprise me. My oldest sister is very conservative and black and white in her thinking. She was very awkward with me and generally avoided any conversations about my transition for years and years. She used to give me lectures for hours about how I should just wait until my kid was all grown up and left home before starting transition because she'd done some research and discovered that's how it goes for a lot of trans people; she genuinely didn't seem to understand why I wasn't willing to do that.

It's only this last year she has seemed to fully come around to the idea, I think perhaps seeing how happy I am and how this has resonated into my career prospects and how I live my life in general has made her see just how much I needed to do this. She was always very disappointed in the fact I couldn't hold down a job and kept dropping out of college and it's obvious that transitioning has removed all the issues that were holding me back.

My other sister didn't seem the type to care, I told her first, she said all the right things at first and tried with the pronouns, helped me pick a new name and go shopping for new clothes.... but a few months in stopped showing me any support, or respect in general. Always misgendering me, making fun of me and just acting like a douche.

Total swap! Surprised me

I'm older, and that may have helped.

My parents are very religious also and to hear them talk pretty anti-gay.  But they accepted me, for the most part.  They had questions; they told me how transition was going against God's plan, tried to talk me out of it. But bottom line is both said they loved me because I was their kid and would support me.

Mom disliked it more that I'm gay, that after transition I still am attracted to me. She thought that was worse than transition.  But she really didn't berate me about it or anything. But again, I'm older and transitioned later in life.  So I didn't really need their approval.

At first, my parents reacted terribly. They said some really hurtful things like I was a freak and nobody would ever love me. I planned on moving out because we suddenly became strangers and I couldn't cope with feeling like they hated me. They said they would never accept it and there was no way I would be allowed to transition under their roof. My mum said they wouldn't allow it.

This was a year ago and they still have their issues, but after a lot of talking and family counselling they're finally ok and accepting of it. I've now been full time for a few months and legally changed my name. I'm not on T yet but my parents know it will happen eventually. My mum's biggest concern was that it would make me deeply unhappier than I already was but it hasnt. I'm a much happier young man and she can see that I'm happier now.

I thought most people wouldn't accept it, but all my family proved me wrong. They all love me and all of my Christmas cards had son/grandson/Joseph on them. I've been incredibly lucky to have the family I do.

My family is very conservative and christian, and when I came out, they were furious, slanderous, and cruel.  They couldn't understand how I could do this to THEM....

Until that point I had been a pretty heavy drug user, a thief, a liar, and a lazy, violent and irresponsible thug.  After starting transition I got my life in order and really started helping other people....my family was still talking badly of me and avoiding speaking to me.

After some time my sister tried to track me down, thinking I might have died....she had a hard time, but in the process of tracking me down, she talked to some of the people I knew/lived with and heard tales of my exploits, and realized I got myself together.  Word spread, and now, at least some of my family will talk to me.  They won't talk about me being trans, but they seem to understand that it's the thing that turned my life around.  They have told me they will talk on the phone and write, but they never want to see pictures or ever see me in person again (except for my one sister, who has looked at my facebook...she says I look good now...and she uses the right pronouns and name in writing, but can't manage over the phone).

They still seem to believe I will rot in hell for what I've done and the choices I made.....and I pity them for it.  Christian bigotry is a heavy burden to bear.....I know in their hearts they don't want to be so intolerant, but they seem to feel that it's what they must do for their ticket into heaven.  I used to believe all that crap too, so I know just how oppressive that religious stuff can be.....especially for those who have been indoctrinated into it

thankfully I'm past it, though I doubt they ever will be

Quote from: Oriah on December 30, 2013, 07:56:53 AM
My family is very conservative and christian, and when I came out, they were furious, slanderous, and cruel.  They couldn't understand how I could do this to THEM....

Until that point I had been a pretty heavy drug user, a thief, a liar, and a lazy, violent and irresponsible thug.  After starting transition I got my life in order and really started helping other people....my family was still talking badly of me and avoiding speaking to me.

After some time my sister tried to track me down, thinking I might have died....she had a hard time, but in the process of tracking me down, she talked to some of the people I knew/lived with and heard tales of my exploits, and realized I got myself together.  Word spread, and now, at least some of my family will talk to me.  They won't talk about me being trans, but they seem to understand that it's the thing that turned my life around.  They have told me they will talk on the phone and write, but they never want to see pictures or ever see me in person again (except for my one sister, who has looked at my facebook...she says I look good now...and she uses the right pronouns and name in writing, but can't manage over the phone).

They still seem to believe I will rot in hell for what I've done and the choices I made.....and I pity them for it.  Christian bigotry is a heavy burden to bear.....I know in their hearts they don't want to be so intolerant, but they seem to feel that it's what they must do for their ticket into heaven.  I used to believe all that crap too, so I know just how oppressive that religious stuff can be.....especially for those who have been indoctrinated into it

thankfully I'm past it, though I doubt they ever will be

I sorry about your family not wanting to hold you. It bothers me to no end when people don't understand Christ's love.

Quote from: stephaniec on December 30, 2013, 12:29:46 PM
I sorry about your family not wanting to hold you. It bothers me to no end when people don't understand Christ's love.

eh, it's their loss.  I have my own family now, my lover, her father and our baby boy....

I appreciate your sympathy however....I try not to let it bother me, but some days it does....

Quote from: verkatzt on December 29, 2013, 02:32:34 PM
My MIL has dealt pretty well with her own child's gender change (although she still slips up a lot with names and pronouns), but she completely does not understand my genderqueer thing.  She asks me "Why can't you just be lesbians together?" even though I've explained things to her many, many times.  She is supportive, just very confused.  she's getting better, though.  Slowly...

Well that's good at least.  I don't think I'd hold it against my family if I saw they were genuinely trying to understand and be supportive, even if it takes longer than I wanted.

Quote from: Jeatyn on December 29, 2013, 09:43:14 PM
I first came out around 6 years ago - I got pretty much the reactions I expected, all my favourite family members and close friends were 100% supportive and still are. The ones who weren't and still aren't I wasn't close to anyway.

My two sisters were the ones to surprise me. My oldest sister is very conservative and black and white in her thinking. She was very awkward with me and generally avoided any conversations about my transition for years and years. She used to give me lectures for hours about how I should just wait until my kid was all grown up and left home before starting transition because she'd done some research and discovered that's how it goes for a lot of trans people; she genuinely didn't seem to understand why I wasn't willing to do that.

It's only this last year she has seemed to fully come around to the idea, I think perhaps seeing how happy I am and how this has resonated into my career prospects and how I live my life in general has made her see just how much I needed to do this. She was always very disappointed in the fact I couldn't hold down a job and kept dropping out of college and it's obvious that transitioning has removed all the issues that were holding me back.

My other sister didn't seem the type to care, I told her first, she said all the right things at first and tried with the pronouns, helped me pick a new name and go shopping for new clothes.... but a few months in stopped showing me any support, or respect in general. Always misgendering me, making fun of me and just acting like a douche.

Total swap! Surprised me

Whoa, first I have to say congrats on the major turn around!  I feel like that would kind of be like me in a way when I transition because I would actually be motivated to do it in order to be my true self.  The way your sisters seemed to kind of "swap" attitudes about your transition amazes me.  I'm proud of your more conservative sister doing a complete turn-a-round.  As for your other sister....well....shame on her if you don't mind me saying.

Quote from: sneakersjay on December 29, 2013, 10:17:10 PM
My parents are very religious also and to hear them talk pretty anti-gay.  But they accepted me, for the most part.  They had questions; they told me how transition was going against God's plan, tried to talk me out of it. But bottom line is both said they loved me because I was their kid and would support me.

That's how I feel parents should be towards their kids if they come out.  They should love their kids no matter what.

Quote from: Joe. on December 29, 2013, 10:17:59 PM
At first, my parents reacted terribly. They said some really hurtful things like I was a freak and nobody would ever love me. I planned on moving out because we suddenly became strangers and I couldn't cope with feeling like they hated me. They said they would never accept it and there was no way I would be allowed to transition under their roof. My mum said they wouldn't allow it.

This was a year ago and they still have their issues, but after a lot of talking and family counselling they're finally ok and accepting of it. I've now been full time for a few months and legally changed my name. I'm not on T yet but my parents know it will happen eventually. My mum's biggest concern was that it would make me deeply unhappier than I already was but it hasnt. I'm a much happier young man and she can see that I'm happier now.

I thought most people wouldn't accept it, but all my family proved me wrong. They all love me and all of my Christmas cards had son/grandson/Joseph on them. I've been incredibly lucky to have the family I do.

That is great, Joe!  Thank you for sharing about your family's turn-a-round!  It really has given me a little bit of hope for the future.  I'm happy that you and your family did a lot of talking and going to family counselling about that.  That was probably part of the reason why they made a major shift in their thinking.  I'm just afraid that my family might be the type to absolutely refuse to talk about it or go to counseling and in that case, it may be a bit more challenging for me to deal with them.

Quote from: Oriah on December 30, 2013, 07:56:53 AM
My family is very conservative and christian, and when I came out, they were furious, slanderous, and cruel.  They couldn't understand how I could do this to THEM....

Until that point I had been a pretty heavy drug user, a thief, a liar, and a lazy, violent and irresponsible thug.  After starting transition I got my life in order and really started helping other people....my family was still talking badly of me and avoiding speaking to me.

After some time my sister tried to track me down, thinking I might have died....she had a hard time, but in the process of tracking me down, she talked to some of the people I knew/lived with and heard tales of my exploits, and realized I got myself together.  Word spread, and now, at least some of my family will talk to me.  They won't talk about me being trans, but they seem to understand that it's the thing that turned my life around.  They have told me they will talk on the phone and write, but they never want to see pictures or ever see me in person again (except for my one sister, who has looked at my facebook...she says I look good now...and she uses the right pronouns and name in writing, but can't manage over the phone).

They still seem to believe I will rot in hell for what I've done and the choices I made.....and I pity them for it.  Christian bigotry is a heavy burden to bear.....I know in their hearts they don't want to be so intolerant, but they seem to feel that it's what they must do for their ticket into heaven.  I used to believe all that crap too, so I know just how oppressive that religious stuff can be.....especially for those who have been indoctrinated into it

thankfully I'm past it, though I doubt they ever will be

I'm sorry that you have to go through that with your family, but like you said, at least you have your own family now and you can raise your son up to be open-mind. :)

As for my family, I wouldn't be surprised if they think I will burn in hell for having these feelings and transitioning.  In fact, I'm kind of expecting that from them.  If they happen to accept me eventually, then I will be pleasently surprised.  If not, then at least I have another family: here.

I came out between 12 to my mom as the first famely member and also the most difficult to deal with.

When I first came out she said it was "okay and she accepted it" but it became pretty clear her acceptence meant she didn't want any changing and got angry each time I mention some like changing my name + I was suposed to keep being transgender as a secret for everyone.
so I wont say she was very accepted.

I still moved on of my transition and now
my mom together with the other famelymembers have turned way more accepting it did take years and I also took a year abourd when there where most drama, but it worked out. I think it helped alot that I got to include her in some of the stuff, I didnt just go to a doctor and take homones I went to a meeting with him where both my parrent could come to ask questions. I also invited them to a trans meeting where they could talk with other parrent of transgender kids.
-

For a while only my mother knew there were questionings. The whole time she has known me, she has accepted that I will never be the girly girl that would wear dresses. The people I have come out to around me have been supportive on the outside, and were not surprised that I came out. My whole life I had dysphoria and never explored or even questioned how I felt. I hung out with guys and was one of the guys. I just didn't know the words for it...

Anyway... The day I asked her to start calling me a new name, she cried a bit and told me she feels like she's losing the child that she adopted. I was literally becoming someone else. Without my knowledge, she had a talk with her brother and he actually came up to me and said he would support me in what ever choice I took, and he even took me to my first appointment to get my first shot. This was May of last year. Though, until recently, since I've gone ahead with the name change process, the attitude feels changed a bit. Though, I admit I was becoming a bit aggressive on the subject, and kept correcting them. The name change has caused them to realize that it is for real. So, for sure some reluctance exists.

Before Xmas I tried to talk to my mother about telling everyone who was coming over Xmas day that I had changed my name, but I'd hold back on the transgender topic as their friends are older generation, strict Christians (they go to church together even). But she got angry at me and told me it was socially unacceptible, etc. And it caused me to walk out on them and spending the holidays without me. I went thru the effort of changing my name and they couldn't be happy about it. So it makes me wonder if their words of acceptance was more to hear themselves say it and comfort themselves, rather than to me. The actions spoke louder that day. Instead of sharing the joy of the beginning of my new life, they thought they could sweep it under a rug and forget about it. So, I am not sure. Their words may say one thing, but deep inside they resent it a bit.

Quote from: Natkat on January 04, 2014, 04:25:55 AM
I came out between 12 to my mom as the first famely member and also the most difficult to deal with.

When I first came out she said it was "okay and she accepted it" but it became pretty clear her acceptence meant she didn't want any changing and got angry each time I mention some like changing my name + I was suposed to keep being transgender as a secret for everyone.
so I wont say she was very accepted.

I still moved on of my transition and now
my mom together with the other famelymembers have turned way more accepting it did take years and I also took a year abourd when there where most drama, but it worked out. I think it helped alot that I got to include her in some of the stuff, I didnt just go to a doctor and take homones I went to a meeting with him where both my parrent could come to ask questions. I also invited them to a trans meeting where they could talk with other parrent of transgender kids.
-

That is great how your family members became more accepting of you over the years!  I do like the idea of them meeting other parents of transgender kids.  I think when I do announce my transition to my sisters, that I will actually give them the link to this website (while not letting them know who I am on here, though I'm sure they would find out  :D ).  I would do the same for my mom and dad but they aren't as computer-literate, so I would have to actually be there to show them stories of other transgender individuals and parents of transgender individuals.

Quote from: StormOfThorns on January 04, 2014, 09:56:06 PM
For a while only my mother knew there were questionings. The whole time she has known me, she has accepted that I will never be the girly girl that would wear dresses. The people I have come out to around me have been supportive on the outside, and were not surprised that I came out. My whole life I had dysphoria and never explored or even questioned how I felt. I hung out with guys and was one of the guys. I just didn't know the words for it...

Anyway... The day I asked her to start calling me a new name, she cried a bit and told me she feels like she's losing the child that she adopted. I was literally becoming someone else. Without my knowledge, she had a talk with her brother and he actually came up to me and said he would support me in what ever choice I took, and he even took me to my first appointment to get my first shot. This was May of last year. Though, until recently, since I've gone ahead with the name change process, the attitude feels changed a bit. Though, I admit I was becoming a bit aggressive on the subject, and kept correcting them. The name change has caused them to realize that it is for real. So, for sure some reluctance exists.

Before Xmas I tried to talk to my mother about telling everyone who was coming over Xmas day that I had changed my name, but I'd hold back on the transgender topic as their friends are older generation, strict Christians (they go to church together even). But she got angry at me and told me it was socially unacceptible, etc. And it caused me to walk out on them and spending the holidays without me. I went thru the effort of changing my name and they couldn't be happy about it. So it makes me wonder if their words of acceptance was more to hear themselves say it and comfort themselves, rather than to me. The actions spoke louder that day. Instead of sharing the joy of the beginning of my new life, they thought they could sweep it under a rug and forget about it. So, I am not sure. Their words may say one thing, but deep inside they resent it a bit.

It sounds like your mother is swimming in denial river.  I can imagine how it would be hard for her at first, but I hope she can eventually see you for you.  I think my mother might have tons of denial or resentment in the beginning too so it's it's nice (well not that nice) to see how other trans guy's family deal with it.

Neither of my parents were accepting when I first came out.

Although at first my dad forbid me from wearing my binder around the house, I think my mom took it harder. I just could not even bring up the topic around her for a long time. Pretty sure she was even embarrassed of me.  :(

That was about a year ago though and things have gotten sooo much better. My dad helped me pay for therapy and after a few sessions my therapist talked to both of them in a session. I think she really helped open their eyes. I've also been a lot less depressed since coming out and I'm fairly certain that's another reason they've come to accept things.

My parents were great at first, I came out in a very long email to them explaining everything, and they said they already saw it, asked questions, etc, but for whatever reason that I still, to this day can't figure out, they turned on me and began calling me unnatural and intentionally calling me a girl/princess/etc and making extremely triggering statements. I still get nauseated when I think of the emails they sent after they found out I wasn't coming back to them. /:

However my uncle and aunts that I live with have been fully accepting from day one and tell me that as long as I'm happy with my life, and not hurting anyone, I can do whatever I see fit. Even if they don't always understand. ^^

I haven't told my parents and I don't plan to. They're old and their minds are set and I really don't have the energy to rock the boat. If there's any family member I might tell in the future, it would probably be one uncle. I don't have any siblings and I was never super close to any extended family (I didn't even have cool grandparents like all the other kids I knew seemed to have). The one uncle is cool and I still talk to him regularly.