Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: LizMarie on December 28, 2013, 02:27:14 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Letting Go
Post by: LizMarie on December 28, 2013, 02:27:14 AM
Post by: LizMarie on December 28, 2013, 02:27:14 AM
I came out to my adult children in July of 2012. My daughter immediately accepted me and has been supportive ever since. My two sons? Not so much.
My eldest cut me off from his children, whom I've not seen in 17 months now, except for his eldest who I saw for 30 seconds in the spring of 2013 before she was dragged out of the restaurant by her mother. The youngest? Not at all. She'll never have really known me.
My youngest son had the strongest and nearly violent reaction. He's softened a bit over time and actually speaks to me when he comes to visit his mother but neither he nor his wife ever come to visit me.
Last Christmas was a disappointment. Not a card, not a phone call, not an email, not a Facebook posting, nothing. Yet still I held out hope.
This Christmas was the same yet again, nothing. I took the time to send each of them, both sons and their spouses, an email saying that I loved them, that I wished 2014 would be wonderful for them, and that I missed them. And of course, no response.
I've come to the realization that there comes a time when you simply have to let go, no matter how much it hurts. You just have to let go.
I'm not closing the door on them but I'm not going to stand there (metaphorically) waiting in case they open it again. They closed that door. They can choose to find me if they ever change their minds. And right now, I've come to the realization that they may never ever change their minds.
There's been grief this Christmas as I finally accept these losses. But there's also been acceptance that I need to move on, move past these wounds, in order to move forward with my life.
There are lots of wonderful stories of acceptance out there. I'm thankful that some of you get to experience that. But some of us don't. I don't regret my choice as I don't want to return to that darkness where I thought death was preferable to life. But I sometimes wonder what I did so wrong as a parent that my sons would become such cold and callous creatures? I guess I'll never know.
My eldest cut me off from his children, whom I've not seen in 17 months now, except for his eldest who I saw for 30 seconds in the spring of 2013 before she was dragged out of the restaurant by her mother. The youngest? Not at all. She'll never have really known me.
My youngest son had the strongest and nearly violent reaction. He's softened a bit over time and actually speaks to me when he comes to visit his mother but neither he nor his wife ever come to visit me.
Last Christmas was a disappointment. Not a card, not a phone call, not an email, not a Facebook posting, nothing. Yet still I held out hope.
This Christmas was the same yet again, nothing. I took the time to send each of them, both sons and their spouses, an email saying that I loved them, that I wished 2014 would be wonderful for them, and that I missed them. And of course, no response.
I've come to the realization that there comes a time when you simply have to let go, no matter how much it hurts. You just have to let go.
I'm not closing the door on them but I'm not going to stand there (metaphorically) waiting in case they open it again. They closed that door. They can choose to find me if they ever change their minds. And right now, I've come to the realization that they may never ever change their minds.
There's been grief this Christmas as I finally accept these losses. But there's also been acceptance that I need to move on, move past these wounds, in order to move forward with my life.
There are lots of wonderful stories of acceptance out there. I'm thankful that some of you get to experience that. But some of us don't. I don't regret my choice as I don't want to return to that darkness where I thought death was preferable to life. But I sometimes wonder what I did so wrong as a parent that my sons would become such cold and callous creatures? I guess I'll never know.
Title: Re: Letting Go
Post by: Cindy on December 28, 2013, 02:43:18 AM
Post by: Cindy on December 28, 2013, 02:43:18 AM
I feel for you.
Males seem to have the most difficulty with accepting us, be they family or colleagues.
For some reason it impacts on their gender identity (I think).
As you know we do what we do because we have no choice.
One day they will realise it as well.
I certainly hope so.
Hugs Darling
Cindy
Males seem to have the most difficulty with accepting us, be they family or colleagues.
For some reason it impacts on their gender identity (I think).
As you know we do what we do because we have no choice.
One day they will realise it as well.
I certainly hope so.
Hugs Darling
Cindy