Susan's Place Transgender Resources

What has been your typical response when telling a guy you be assigned male at birth. Do they loose interest or have any ever given you a chance?

Your assuming I or anyone else would tell a guy I was born male. I don't see any reason to discuss that with a guy. But then I am sure there are other things about my life I would not discuss with a guy either. Come to think of it I imagine anyone out there is going to NOT discuss certain things with a partner.

Now of course there are people that say something like "its important that one does tell a guy". My response is to each their own but then I would also suggest to them that their perspective might change as times goes by. I know when I was pre op I felt it was important to tell a guy but then I didn't quite have the correct body parts either.

Quote from: Katie on December 30, 2013, 02:41:04 PM
Your assuming I or anyone else would tell a guy I was born male. I don't see any reason to discuss that with a guy. But then I am sure there are other things about my life I would not discuss with a guy either. Come to think of it I imagine anyone out there is going to NOT discuss certain things with a partner.

Now of course there are people that say something like "its important that one does tell a guy". My response is to each their own but then I would also suggest to them that their perspective might change as times goes by. I know when I was pre op I felt it was important to tell a guy but then I didn't quite have the correct body parts either.

I don't feel like you answered my question.

Quote from: NYCTSGirl01 on December 31, 2013, 02:21:33 PM
I don't feel like you answered my question.

Well, Katie did give an answer. just not one you were looking for.

I cant really give an answer concerning that particular situation as, I never told "my birth gender", so I never got a response that includes my boyfriend I am with and have been with for 7 months now and I may (more like probably) will) never tell.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this.. for both those who do and don't who are post-op I believe both those who will and those wont, usually never tell in the very beginning. Many if not most post-op get to know the person before outing their past like that, and I know several who feel if its just casual sex than it doesn't matter and don't tell, even thou they feel if it becomes a LTR that they will tell. I hope someone can give you  a more direct answer, perhaps if you just ask the question in just the mtf forum and not the post-op you may get more answers.  hope this helps a lil

Quote from: calico on January 02, 2014, 01:22:18 PM
Well, Katie did give an answer. just not one you were looking for.

I cant really give an answer concerning that particular situation as, I never told "my birth gender", so I never got a response that includes my boyfriend I am with and have been with for 7 months now and I may (more like probably) will) never tell.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this.. for both those who do and don't who are post-op I believe both those who will and those wont, usually never tell in the very beginning. Many if not most post-op get to know the person before outing their past like that, and I know several who feel if its just casual sex than it doesn't matter and don't tell, even thou they feel if it becomes a LTR that they will tell. I hope someone can give you  a more direct answer, perhaps if you just ask the question in just the mtf forum and not the post-op you may get more answers.  hope this helps a lil

Aren't you afraid of being hurt or killed if he finds out?

I have done educational / activist speaking where it was necessary and right that I reveal that I am a Transsexual Woman.  There were men in the those audiences who were interested in me because of what I told them, but only from the standpoint of their wanting to be better informed about TS women and men, and not because of wanting sex with me.  In time there may be one who wants to continue a relationship, but it has not happened yet.  As for sex, I spent many years as a CD, and in those years there were "admirers" who wanted sex with a pre-op and or non-op, and knowing my birth gender was important to them.  (They were a total turnoff to me however, and so, no business.) 

I know, I have not answered your question either, and maybe this post might even be off topic and you will want to have a moderator kick this one, but none of us Post op can give you much help, unless it is some of the real long timers with several years or decades.  If lack of certainty of how you will be taken as post op is really bothering you, check with your therapist, and maybe hold back on your letters for a while.

If you find a person you are afraid to tell the truth to, then don't have sex with them.  If you are not afraid to tell them, then play it by ear, it could make the situation better, worse, or no change.  I am not a prude, just a pragmatist.  If you have no fears of them, it will depend on the depth of the relationship and its purpose in your share lives.  Need to Know security as opposed to a right to know.

Quote from: NYCTSGirl01 on January 02, 2014, 02:12:24 PM
Aren't you afraid of being hurt or killed if he finds out?

Hurt? maybe you never know...

Killed ? jesus christ who are you dating...and where...  :( :( :( :(

Quote from: NYCTSGirl01 on January 02, 2014, 02:12:24 PM
Aren't you afraid of being hurt or killed if he finds out?

Nope not at all, we have talked about secrets and that my past is a bit messed up and traumatic, and well long story short. He said he doesn't care. he feels that if it bothers me so much than we don't need to talk about it. unless some psycho killer boyfriend was after me or I murdered someone he doesn't need to know.

Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 02, 2014, 02:34:34 PM
Killed ? jesus christ who are you dating...and where...  :( :( :( :(

lmao yup pretty much

Quote from: calico on January 02, 2014, 02:47:13 PM
Nope not at all, we have talked about secrets and that my past is a bit messed up and traumatic, and well long story short. He said he doesn't care. he feels that if it bothers me so much than we don't need to talk about it. unless some psycho killer boyfriend was after me or I murdered someone he doesn't need to know.


lmao yup pretty much

That doesn't mean he would be ok with you being TS if he found out.

So what?

If he is not ok with it and wants to brake up that means that he didnt really loved you in the first place...

meh anyways , its rare for guys to love anyway...

Quote from: NYCTSGirl01 on January 02, 2014, 02:50:10 PM
That doesn't mean he would be ok with you being TS if he found out.

like I said long story short.

If the bridge comes we will cross it at that point, needless to say discussing what my physical birth sex was does no good, actually it does harm if not to him, than to me.  Its such an issues that well ..... not going to discuss it, as it is both controversial and dark, and I would rather not offend anyone.

Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 02, 2014, 03:06:08 PM
So what?

If he is not ok with it and wants to brake up that means that he didnt really loved you in the first place...

meh anyways , its rare for guys to love anyway...

Thank you

I only tell a guy if I see a relationship . But when I tell them I'm not ashamed and I say it like it's no big deal . Most take it well. I even have some ask me what I looked like as a kid. They know I'm not parading around about it and tend to be ok with me . Country boys even more so. Staidly I will say African American men have been the most hostile. But even then most are at least nice about it