Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 01:56:00 PM Return to Full Version
Title: A question about feelings
Post by: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
Post by: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
I started thinking today about some of the feelings that I experience while around other people and wondered how many others around here experience similar feelings.
So, to begin, how do you feel when you are having a disagreement with another person? Personally, I feel an uncomfortable feeling inside and feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle. This makes me get this physical feeling of discomfort in my stomach. The other person just keeps on going and going and I feel like I'm yelling, when in reality, I'm just speaking in a normal (maybe slightly elevated) tone. I often feel that I suck at arguing. I hate it!! :(
Secondly, how do people feel around other members of their family? When I'm with my sister, who is only 2 years older than me, I feel like the gap between our ages is much bigger. Wkohen we were younger, she was a bit of a miss-bosy-boots and used to order me around like she was my mother. These days, she's not like that, but that imaginary larger age gap still exists, even though we're both in our early 30's. When I'm at home (I live alone, by the way) I sometimes experience a feeling that I'm not as old as I am. It's like, I'm 30, but I feel like I'm still in my 20's. Also, around my mother, father and sister, I have to supress my feminine side quite a lot. It feels more natural to be feminine, I've never really had to practice; it just happens.
Another thing I started feeling recently, is that I'm starting to dislike my own name, for some reason. When I try to think of another name I would like, if I were to change it, I simply can't find another male name that I really like and could live with.
Does anyone else ever feel any of those kinds of things? Are they common amongst trans* people?
So, to begin, how do you feel when you are having a disagreement with another person? Personally, I feel an uncomfortable feeling inside and feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle. This makes me get this physical feeling of discomfort in my stomach. The other person just keeps on going and going and I feel like I'm yelling, when in reality, I'm just speaking in a normal (maybe slightly elevated) tone. I often feel that I suck at arguing. I hate it!! :(
Secondly, how do people feel around other members of their family? When I'm with my sister, who is only 2 years older than me, I feel like the gap between our ages is much bigger. Wkohen we were younger, she was a bit of a miss-bosy-boots and used to order me around like she was my mother. These days, she's not like that, but that imaginary larger age gap still exists, even though we're both in our early 30's. When I'm at home (I live alone, by the way) I sometimes experience a feeling that I'm not as old as I am. It's like, I'm 30, but I feel like I'm still in my 20's. Also, around my mother, father and sister, I have to supress my feminine side quite a lot. It feels more natural to be feminine, I've never really had to practice; it just happens.
Another thing I started feeling recently, is that I'm starting to dislike my own name, for some reason. When I try to think of another name I would like, if I were to change it, I simply can't find another male name that I really like and could live with.
Does anyone else ever feel any of those kinds of things? Are they common amongst trans* people?
Title: Re: A question about feelings
Post by: Adam (birkin) on January 04, 2014, 01:58:33 PM
Post by: Adam (birkin) on January 04, 2014, 01:58:33 PM
I have a tough time with arguments, I get a very anxious feeling. It's just really frustrating...and I often just shy away from them.
I still think of my younger brothers as babies lol. My middle brother moved out recently, and he did this big dinner for everyone to show he had "made it" and I laughed at him. But then I realized, yeah, this kid's 21 now, he's an adult.
I still think of my younger brothers as babies lol. My middle brother moved out recently, and he did this big dinner for everyone to show he had "made it" and I laughed at him. But then I realized, yeah, this kid's 21 now, he's an adult.
Title: Re: A question about feelings
Post by: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 02:07:24 PM
Post by: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 02:07:24 PM
Quote from: caleb. on January 04, 2014, 01:58:33 PM
I have a tough time with arguments, I get a very anxious feeling. It's just really frustrating...and I often just shy away from them.
I think that's the feeling I experience, anxiouness. I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere with the person.
Title: Re: A question about feelings
Post by: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 02:19:43 PM
Post by: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 02:19:43 PM
Another feeling I get all too often is an almost palpable sensation of being compressed in some way or another. It's like a crushing feeling inside me. It goes hand in hand with the feeling that I'm living half a life, that I'm somehow not expressing my full potential as a person, simply because I can't act the way I want without people finding out about how I truly feel. That is the strongest of all of the feelings I experience on a regular basis. It's such a strong feeling that it leads me to believe that it could be a major part of my general unhappiness and depression.
Title: Re: A question about feelings
Post by: suzifrommd on January 05, 2014, 08:03:17 AM
Post by: suzifrommd on January 05, 2014, 08:03:17 AM
Quote from: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
The other person just keeps on going and going and I feel like I'm yelling, when in reality, I'm just speaking in a normal (maybe slightly elevated) tone. I often feel that I suck at arguing. I hate it!! :(
Uncanny. I have exactly the same feelings. Problem is, I feel really passionately about a lot of things, so I tend to challenge views I think are ignorant, so I end up in that situation a lot. I've never met anyone else who felt that way.
Quote from: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
Secondly, how do people feel around other members of their family? When I'm with my sister, who is only 2 years older than me, I feel like the gap between our ages is much bigger.
This is a source of shame for me. I'm 52 years old, but I feel like a teenager. I see everyone else around me as adults, but I feel so inexperienced and inept about life. It isn't true. I'm just as capable as the next person (though I don't do well at things that a MAN is supposed to do, like fighting and fixing stuff), but somehow my perceived age hasn't kept up.
Oddly, that's improving since going full-time as a female. I feel like I can meet the expectations of a mature woman much more easily than those of a mature man.
Quote from: Phoenix_2812 on January 04, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
Another thing I started feeling recently, is that I'm starting to dislike my own name, for some reason. When I try to think of another name I would like, if I were to change it, I simply can't find another male name that I really like and could live with.
I'm not sure I understand this exactly. Do you go by a male or a female name? Is it your male name that bothers you or your female name? Does the gendered nature of it bother you or is there something else about it?