Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Its icky, messy and just not that enjoyable. What the heck are you people thinking?  Do something constructive with the time, like crosswords or the dishes...



Anyone else feel like I do or am I alone in this?

Am I the only truly reasonable person left?   :P

Well, I'm a virgin, so I don't know if I'm the most qualified person to talk about it, lol.  I don't know.  It's not the biggest deal to me, but I won't lie and say that it isn't desirable in some form.  I've had a lot of a lot of issues with my sexuality and body over the years, so i have a hard time being open to this stuff.  I'm very much interested in dating and realize that sex is something that comes with it.  That's one of the reasons I'm a little shy about dating because getting nude in front of someone is really complicated for me.  However, I'm also interested in being intimate if I find the right person or feel comfortable with my partner. It's hard for me to explain.  I suppose I've had a really tough time dealing with my attraction to men and feeling that it's something I should repress or be ashamed about.  Even though I'm technically straight, I really sympathize with gay men because I know what they go through and how hard it is to be yourself.  That's why I still find it a little uncomfortable admitting or embracing my sexual desires and overall sexuality.  So, it's not so much that it's not an enjoyable concept for me, but rather that I have many emotional hangups to overcome and years of suppression and guilt to defeat.   

So, it's not a requirement or a necessity to me, but it's desirable to an extent.  Though it's nowhere near as important as romance which is what I really desire nowadays. Then again, maybe things will change once I experience it first hand.  I don't know.

It's companionship I desire and sex is just a part of a relationship

It's fun and I love it.

I'm sorta over it myself I've had many bad relationships so I'm really no longer interested in them, for now its me time.

Emily.T xx

Kissing, cuddling, caressing, canoodling? Yes please! ;D Actual intercourse? meh, not so much...  :icon_blah:
But for all those that do enjoy it, more power to you!!!

Sex? Hmmm

Never heard of it.

SEX WITH WHO?

Quote from: SECOND" only truly reasonable person left "

Am hot vinegar scouring *coffee pot* as we speak (who does THAT?)

Quote from: Ms Grace on January 05, 2014, 02:08:09 PM
Kissing, cuddling, caressing, canoodling? Yes please! ;D Actual intercourse? meh, not so much...  :icon_blah:
But for all those that do enjoy it, more power to you!!!

I leaned a new word, canoodle

Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 05, 2014, 12:44:04 PM
Its icky, messy and just not that enjoyable. What the heck are you people thinking?  Do something constructive with the time, like crosswords or the dishes...



Anyone else feel like I do or am I alone in this?

Am I the only truly reasonable person left?   :P

:D :D :D

I think it's a little over-rated. Now that I'm done having kids and work full time to raise and care for them, I don't have much interest in sex.

Sex I've always considered an okay thing, but I just find so many people icky, messy, and not that enjoyable these days.  ;)

Sex, seriously, who really needs it?

Nymphomaniacs. :D :D

Myself? I don't care about sex and I never did. I never had sex, never had a girlfriend and I sure as hell would NEVER have a boyfriend.

Yuck.

I havent had sex yet :-X

Id like to though , as a girl...so when my body gets feminine and when I find the right person Id want to try it...
so no sex for me for a couple more years,,,unless of course I ll find someone who doesnt mind me being pre op...

:-\

It's coming up to 10 years since I last had sex,don't miss it.I would like to have a partner for the companionship

Quote from: big kim on January 05, 2014, 03:16:36 PM
It's coming up to 10 years since I last had sex,don't miss it.I would like to have a partner for the companionship

Its only been a little over twenty for me. And yes, companionship would be nice, but then chances are, they would want some sort of sex.

This last  summer I had a painful urinary tract infection which one doctor blamed upon my enlarged prostrate and he told me that my prostrate was enlarged because it was not being used to play its part in sex so bacteria was building up because my enlarged prostrate was blocking the urinary tract.  He said that I needed more sex so my prostrate would shrink some and not block my urinary tract.   This was a male doctor whom I told that I could masturbate while I was tucked in.   He shrugged.   All of my sexual activity for the past two years has been masturbation because I and my partner don't want any more children, and I can get my partner pregnant.  I have been personally responsible for biologically bringing 6 children into this world, and she has been responsible for 5.  We share one child.   Masturbation is not really fun for me,  because of the way I feel afterwards.   

So while philosophically I am not against sex,  practically I only need it to deal with the prostrate.  Since I am now having problems with the male organs I have, I don't see how having surgery and having what ever female organs I will get can be too much worse,  unless its poor surgery.   I am severely committed to having my sexual activity within my committed relationship and both of them have been really long term, so causal  sex is not part of my character all morality aside.

So well, when you say who needs sex, it some times has more than one consideration.

well, to confess it's been quite awhile

i think it is kind of weird that so many people are so blase' about sex. I almost want to say your doing it wrong, but if you aren't doing it, well then I just don't know. I will say sex is much better as a woman. But it is still pretty awesome...

<3 Liv

Quote from: Olivia-Anne on January 05, 2014, 05:15:23 PM
i think it is kind of weird that so many people are so blase' about sex. I almost want to say your doing it wrong, but if you aren't doing it, well then I just don't know. I will say sex is much better as a woman. But it is still pretty awesome...

<3 Liv

sex is awesome ,but I think the issue is a lot more complicated. When I was younger I had a lot of sex . As time moved on my gender dysphoria surfaced . Looking back the gender problem crippled me. I'm just speaking for my own situation. For my self I've just had a hard time with relationships. I'm older and I feared AIDS a lot , which was a sledge hammer coming down on my sexuality, Being honest I am a 60's child and we did have a lot of sex. then AIDS came and a lot of people stepped back. I just developed asevere gender problem I had since 4 years old. I 'd love to find a partner , I just haven't had any one for a while . again I'm just speaking for my self I only have respect for the opinion of others.

Today there is nothing like it. Not going to kiss and tell but....... yes,..yes...,yes.........

>:-) ;D

Horsey,
   All I can say is you're either with the wrong person, you're doing it wrong, or both! I'm with the most considerate, thoughtful man both emotionally and sexually and just holding his hand after 15 months still excites me. When you give yourself totally to the man (or woman) you're in love with, a kiss in itself is amazing, but having him make love to you is, in my opinion, the best feeling there is, period. For me, it's impossible to describe the purity of that intimacy between you and the person you'd do almost anything for, but I hope you find someone like that for you, too. Sex is fun, but making love with someone you're in love with is........wonderful. Hugs, Mira

Need it...no....like it tho...yes, yes yes oh god yes!!!

Quote from: Olivia-Anne on January 05, 2014, 05:15:23 PM
i think it is kind of weird that so many people are so blase' about sex. I almost want to say your doing it wrong, but if you aren't doing it, well then I just don't know. I will say sex is much better as a woman. But it is still pretty awesome...

<3 Liv

It's just a personal preference on my part. It doesn't really have anything to do with gender dysphoria. If were a genetic male, genetic female, etc, I would still feel the same way. Yeah, I've engaged in self-stimulation but I don't want to elaborate on that too much.

What's funny is that I often very consciously think about the fact that sex is gross and I'd rather have nothing to do with it. But physically it seems to be a very necessary evil. If I could become asexual I'd jump on that (lol) opportunity so fast.

Sex. Gross? I'm totally not on board. I need sex like I need air, water, food, and love. While I completely support your rights to do what you will with your life and time, I have no idea what you're talking about.

I love everything about sex with whomever I have sex with be it my partner, a long time lover, or a new fling, poised to burn out in a moment. I like sweet, fast, slow, kinky, vanilla, straight, not, multiple partners at once or just one to dote on, whatever. Orgasms are a joy and making a partner climax is one of my favorite things to do in life. The tension before you kiss for the first time. The thrill as your body responds to their desire and theirs does likewise. The sharing of pleasure and desire mixed in a cauldron of bodies, friction, and sensations. The power that you hold over them and they over you.

Exploring sex is a fascinating pastime. Finding new ways to excite and arouse, pleasure and be pleasured. Finding new kinks that you didn't know that you had or finding a partner who shares one of your favorites. Introducing them to your own private world of sensuality is one of the most openly trusting and sharing things that you can do in this world.

Ahh, I completely need sex and cannot imagine life without it. Maybe when I'm old and too frail to want things like that but... no, no I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

Yeah, but it's totally different when you have always been an outcast, hate the idea of one night stands, and can be painfully shy in a situation that involves looking for a romantic encounter. If I am just talking to someone in terms of a normal conversation, I can blab all night as long as I feel comfortable around them. But when it comes to sex?

Nah. I'll pass.

I just don't find it to be all that important in that regard. Self stimulation for the purpose of maintaining healthy tissues and prostate? Sure. But to me, that's like a "diagnostic" thing, really.

When I'm post-op and healed, I think I'll be curious as to how it feels.

But really, at this point, I'd just like to be held.

I love the feel of another body next to on or over me. I love the feel of skin, hot and sweaty. The desire went from very low to very very low on HRT. But when started sex is fantastic, IMHO. After sex is perhaps best, the bond and cuddling are fantastic. 

I must be the only girl on the planet who had her sex drive increase (from high to insanely high) on HRT.

As someone who has a micro penis, the act of missionary sex has been sadly, all too anti climatic, but everything else has been enjoyable!

I love it! I did notice a change after HRT though. Before it was get it and move on, then repeat. Now, I want to spend more of what I would call quality time and making the experience last much longer. Cuddling, canoodling (whatever that is) ;D and getting more out of it on an emotional level as well as physical. Of course there are times when the universe is aligned and you just want it NOW! I mean, NOW!  :)

I'm seventy and my spouse is sixty six, we still love each other more than anything and sex is still an expression of our feelings for each other. Sex just for the sake of f**King is shallow and frankly repulsive.

Urban dictionary:

Canoodling. snuggling, kissing, heavy petting, making out. After laying in bed talking and flirting for a while, we started canoodling. mark as favorite buy ...

canoodling was thought to be sward fights with those styrofoam noodles they use in swim pools.

It doesn't mean floating down a river in a two person craft? *giggles*  ;)

Quote from: Shantel on January 05, 2014, 07:44:54 PM
I'm seventy and my spouse is sixty six, we still love each other more than anything and sex is still an expression of our feelings for each other. Sex just for the sake of f**King is shallow and frankly repulsive.

As you like it. If he's/she/they are beautiful to me, think I am, and we'd like to deepen our experience of each other through shared pleasure/lust/desire/orgasm then, personally I'm very happy to take them up on that offer. I even like it when *gasp* my partner wants that kind of thing (and she does... lots). If you think it's repulsive, that's fine and your opinion but please don't slut-shame.

Personally, I find that loyalty, commitment, love, and a desire for a shared future and family make my primary relationship as special as it is. Orgasms and sexual play are just what they are and if anyone wants to judge me for that distinction, I probably don't want to know them. I won't make exception in that regard.

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on January 05, 2014, 08:36:55 PM
Personally, I find that loyalty, commitment, love, and a desire for a shared future and family make my primary relationship as special as it is. Orgasms and sexual play are just what they are and if anyone wants to judge me for that distinction, I probably don't want to know them. I won't make exception in that regard.

I can totally relate baby! Why are we here if we can't enjoy each other and live, feel and love. :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 05, 2014, 08:50:41 PM
I can totally relate baby! Why are we here if we can't enjoy each other and live, feel and love. :)

** Highfive **

Who needs it?

Me!

The physical need has greatly reduced, I often say my sex drive has dropped like a rock, and it has, my male sex drive has. It is being replaced with something else, perhaps that something else was always there but my male drive was so intense, I never had a chance to notice it. I really don't know.

What I do know is I still think about sex a lot. I just don't get as turned on by those thoughts right now. I do however feel, sorta' sexy, sexual, erogenous. The woman in me is emerging and she is not a nun.

I think it funny and telling, that I have spent a good deal of my posts here, since starting HRT, talking about sex, enjoyment of sex, pleasure, and happiness. I am enjoying this journey, and it is liberating. I have talked more openly about these things here than I have anywhere else in my life.

So yup Big Head, I need sex. It is a means of expression. It is intimacy with another human. It is very fun and, for me, wildly important.

Quote from: Tori on January 05, 2014, 09:45:36 PM
The physical need has greatly reduced, I often say my sex drive has dropped like a rock, and it has, my male sex drive has. It is being replaced with something else, perhaps that something else was always there but my male drive was so intense, I never had a chance to notice it. I really don't know.

What I do know is I still think about sex a lot. I just don't get as turned on by those thoughts right now. I do however feel, sorta' sexy, sexual, erogenous. The woman in me is emerging and she is not a nun.

Wait 'till you get to experience what it's like to actually let her out and play. Best. Thing. Ever.

I need sex like I need air.  I don't mind my penis either.  Really hate everything else about being male including my testicles.  (OK, weird but that's me.)  I think the reason I accept my penis is because of what I can do with it for my wife.  One of the best aspects of sex is what it does for my partner.  Seeing them wiggle in orgasm is fun.  I also like my orgasms better now than I did before HRT.  Hot and sweaty, rough and tumble, slow and gentle or playful (to name but a few): it's all good.  Messy – yep.  But crowded showers are fun as well and everything else can be washed.



Jen

I suppose the Clintonian parsing of "What is sex?" comes (sorry) into play.

I stopped penis-in-vagina sex in 2011.  It never really appealed that much to me.  It is amazing that I have four children.

That does not mean my wife and I don't have a sex life.  There is all sorts of sexual play that does not need coitus.  Since this is on the open forums, I will leave it at that.

Kama Sutra

Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 05, 2014, 12:44:04 PM
Its icky, messy and just not that enjoyable. What the heck are you people thinking?  Do something constructive with the time, like crosswords or the dishes...



Anyone else feel like I do or am I alone in this?

Am I the only truly reasonable person left?   :P

Kia Ora big head horsey-face,

Are you British ?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b11EjDrQ8k4

Metta Zenda :)

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on January 05, 2014, 08:36:55 PM
As you like it. If he's/she/they are beautiful to me, think I am, and we'd like to deepen our experience of each other through shared pleasure/lust/desire/orgasm then, personally I'm very happy to take them up on that offer. I even like it when *gasp* my partner wants that kind of thing (and she does... lots). If you think it's repulsive, that's fine and your opinion but please don't slut-shame.

Personally, I find that loyalty, commitment, love, and a desire for a shared future and family make my primary relationship as special as it is. Orgasms and sexual play are just what they are and if anyone wants to judge me for that distinction, I probably don't want to know them. I won't make exception in that regard.

I am monogamous and am dedicated to my one and only and I personally feel that sex simply for the sake of f**King is shallow and frankly repulsive to me, however my thoughts are not to be construed as a personal attack on anyone else's moral codes. I'm sure there is room in this thread for those with other feelings and attitudes without them acting as if they are being judged or are under personal attack.

Quote from: Shantel on January 06, 2014, 10:29:23 AM
I'm sure there is room in this thread for those with other feelings and attitudes without them acting as if they are being judged or are under personal attack.

Your wording was ambiguous in that regard and so I apologize if I reacted a bit strongly. The wording you used sounded fairly judgemental and seemed to color all said acts under that judgement so, I snarked. My bad.

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on January 06, 2014, 11:25:53 AM
Your wording was ambiguous in that regard and so I apologize if I reacted a bit strongly. The wording you used sounded fairly judgemental and seemed to color all said acts under that judgement so, I snarked. My bad.

It's ok hon! It is always easy to misunderstand the intent of another person's comments as we are unable to hear the tone or tenor of what's being said to say nothing of the fact that we are unable to observe body language which is always valuable in interpreting a person's motives for a particular comment made. Have a great day!

Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 05, 2014, 12:44:04 PM
Its icky, messy and just not that enjoyable. What the heck are you people thinking?  Do something constructive with the time, like crosswords or the dishes...



Anyone else feel like I do or am I alone in this?

Am I the only truly reasonable person left?   :P

Sex? Oh yes I need it. If my fiancé try's to hold out he knows I will hide his playstation 4. I need that physical connection with him and the time together afterwards. And since I didn't really start having sex till after srs. Mamma had time to make up for ;)

In the broader sense sex is fun if you are comfortable with your body. Not much for this girl lately, celibate in fact but maybe that will change.

I was debating if I wanted to be part of this but here I am LOL. I used to be a huge whore when I was a gay guy. Then I switched and was a huge whore as a trans girl. Then I wanted a relationship had one it ended I fooled around with a few people and then wanted a relationship. its been 4 years since I have had intercourse and for other play maybe 2 years. However all throughout I have done personal pleasure I'm not dead LOL. However while I was on andicure it cut off most of that too. But since getting my orchi my sex drive is back but I still would rather date someone then have a fling or sex friend so I hold out on that. but I still do self pleasure.

I have no desire to have PIV sex until it's my V involved.  I don't want to lose the ability to achieve orgasm, so I make sure to have a few dates with Mr. Hum every week.

I waited 5 and a half years after GRS before having sex.I made up for lost time pretty quick and alternated between men and women.If I've had rice I want noodles next time!

That's how I felt.  I found out about Asexuality many years ago.
No one has ever given me that "special" feeling male or female.  I've always viewed myself as more of a lesbian, but as of recently I kinda think I wouldn't mind having sex with a male.  Of course after I get my bits correct. ;-)

Sex, what is it?

I am 26 and so far I am virgin. I don't miss sex because I never actually wanted or desired it. Whenever I thought about wanting sex I realized that all that I wanted was to hug and cuddle with someone...a few caresses and kisses, but sex? No, thank you.

My significant other and I have been together.. um I think we are going on 9 years now. In that time, we have not had intercourse once. Of course, there are many other things we do together and I always enjoy my time with her. However, since being on an antidepression medicine, my sex drive has completely dried up. I can understand where op is coming from 100%. I'd rather be working on my homework, playing a video game, or cleaning the apartment. This could also have to do with the fact that I don't have much free time, between working full time and school part time  :-\

Also, Victoria, I really respect that you can do that. I tried to experience a poly relationship and truly it was a disaster. I found the emotional distress far too taxing to be worth it! I think all it did was harm all three parties involved! But kudos to you, sister!

Totally on Victoria's side here (and loving the way you write about sex VM... you should do fiction if you don't already!)

PIV turns me off, I just don't think I am wired up for it... but everything else- yes please!

I am hoping hrt doesn't curb my canoodle instincts!

Quote from: Emmaline on January 07, 2014, 07:17:19 AMI am hoping hrt doesn't curb my canoodle instincts!

HRT brings out the inner canoodler in everyone baby! ;)

Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 05, 2014, 12:44:04 PM
Its icky, messy and just not that enjoyable. What the heck are you people thinking?  Do something constructive with the time, like crosswords or the dishes...



Anyone else feel like I do or am I alone in this?

Am I the only truly reasonable person left?   :P

Nope I feel the same. Pointless. I would rather cuddle. Sex is highly over-rated ++

I feels ya. After transition im planning on no intimate relationships, sexual or otherwise.

This song just about sums it up for me.....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Quote from: Jill F on January 06, 2014, 08:33:45 PM
I have no desire to have PIV sex until it's my V involved.  I don't want to lose the ability to achieve orgasm, so I make sure to have a few dates with Mr. Hum every week.

I've always figured Ms Hitachi magic and Mr Orange dilator would make an interesting combo.

I'm not with you.
I find it fun, awesome & enjoyable!

Why were we blessed with a mind, sense of touch, nerve ends, emotions, etc. if we don't use them? To me it is natural, enjoyable, relaxing (and exciting) and the ultimate sharing of one's self with another. I could not take living just to pay the rent, work, pay bills and all the rest that life throws at you. I want to live, love, share, experience, be a part of someone's life and watch the sun rise and fall. Sex is just the ultimate homeopathic drug. All natural and good for you!  ;)

Kia Ora,

A number of insect species reproduce parthenogenetically... they don't seem to need it... For example aphids think contact sex is overrated...

Metta Zenda :)

Quote from: Anatta on January 08, 2014, 01:38:13 AM
Kia Ora,
For example aphids think contact sex is overrated...
Metta Zenda :)

I'm sure we could find them another topic then! *giggles*  ;D

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on January 05, 2014, 06:57:11 PM
I must be the only girl on the planet who had her sex drive increase (from high to insanely high) on HRT.

Victoria,
   I'm 59, but I feel like I'm 15! Because I'm in love with a great guy and special man, who makes me feel like I'm in a near constant state of emotional and physical arousal, lol! I've been with him for 15 months and I still feel like each kiss is the first (He's a fantastic kisser!). I love to have him hold my hand, hold me and kiss me, but there is nothing on earth like being made love to with the man you're in love with and I fantasize and daydream about the next time we're together probably far too often. Decades ago I was married twice, but although I cared deeply about both of the girls I was with, I've come to realize that this is the first time I've ever been in love. The girls were out of desperation to feel male, something I never felt.
   I think all of you ladies who have no desire for sex or a mate or either are missing out on one of the most amazing, wonderful things about being a woman, or even being human, for that matter. I love the feeling of being (and feeling) smaller, more delicate and vulnerable than him. He's a warm, loving man, and there are plenty of other guys (and even women) out there hoping to find someone special like you girls/women/ladies. I've come to believe that we, as transgendered women, are good, caring, decent women, who know more pain, suffering, empathy and the need for love than nearly anyone. We're also in a position other women can't begin to truly understand, because we've lived, or at least existed AS the other half, even if we never really were. I know lots of you think men are pigs, brutes and creeps, and they can be all that and worse, but God, I love them, him. For their simplicity and complications, their need to protect us and feel needed. And sexually, they have all the right parts to make me feel things no woman could ever make me feel. And you reluctant girls who think that 'sex is icky, messy, and just not that enjoyable,' please, for your own sakes, give it one more try! Hugs, Mira

Sigh! Oh yes, this! You rock Miranda. :) Did you read my mind? What number am I thinking about?*giggles*  ;D

This topic (though I'm sure it has some purpose) irritates me.the reason for that (respectfully) is that all human beings are different with different attractions and some not.now as a new member or someone not really sure of ones respectful critism,I would automaticly assume that I am being put down or questioned about my life choices,most of all my want/need/lack of -sex and the reason there of.I respect your choice or your views on sex and as with everyone,they should be respected as well.as the saying goes 'just because I don't like it/understand it,doesn't make it a bad thing'

Sex can be a wonderful bonding ritual between two lovers.....but most have little idea of how to perform well.

Good sex....good lovemaking comes from a mutual desire for optimum sensation and fulfillment.....communication between bodies, understanding where your partner is more sensitive....that is key to doing it well.

does she prefer penetration orgasm, or is it only clit stimulation that gets her off?  Does she like her nipples played with?  Fingers in the rear, or no?  Vibrator on clit while being penetrated?

Is he more sensative on the head, or just below, or down closer to the base of the penis?  Again, nipple play?  Fingers in the backside?  Does he like his balls played with?  Does he enjoy toys/vibrators?

These are the kinds of things that often never get discussed and impede people from having a truly divine sexual experience....striving to understand your partner's needs as well as your own.

With so many selfish lovers in this world, I have little wonder that so many people aren't big on sex.

My only experience is doing it with the wrong body, so I may be jaded - but I never really cared that much for it. Once upon a time I had a very vivid imagination and I could think of all kinds of ways to enjoy it but that seems to have gone away these days. Sure, it felt good to "pop" every once in a while, but my partner was, well, selfish, and very conservative - she only wanted one thing which I was not that comfortable using, and she was really not interested in hearing about what *I* wanted - and that left me unhappy, unsatisfied, and disappointed with the whole experience. At the time I didn't know why, but now I get it.

So moving into the future I have no idea what may or may not happen, and right now I'm really not concerned about it. My libido must get off of ground zero first.

Quote from: Chaos on January 08, 2014, 05:50:44 AM
This topic (though I'm sure it has some purpose) irritates me.the reason for that (respectfully) is that all human beings are different with different attractions and some not.now as a new member or someone not really sure of ones respectful critism,I would automaticly assume that I am being put down or questioned about my life choices,most of all my want/need/lack of -sex and the reason there of.I respect your choice or your views on sex and as with everyone,they should be respected as well.as the saying goes 'just because I don't like it/understand it,doesn't make it a bad thing'

Oh I don't care two whits about whether you have sex, want sex, or want to live a life where you never orgasm once. It's not my place to comment on your personal choices *but* this topic is 'who needs it?' and there is a fairly large body of study which says that we all do for a healthy lifestyle so, the conversation continues. Whether you read any of the comments from sex positive individuals and take something from it or whether you just ignore the whole thing is up to you but, sex is as big a part of the lives of me and many other women here as religion (much much more in my case) and it's a personal belief (backed up by *science* and stuff) that a full life includes some kind of sexual expression as it's a core component of the human experience.

I don't judge you for not wanting to have sex. I don't judge anyone for anything. I will give my opinions on it if we're talking about it though and I think that's where a great many of the commenters on this thread are coming from.

The only views that aren't supposed to be bandied about on here are the ones which specifically judge you for doing your thing and I haven't seen any of those just yet though we've gotten a bit close.

Quote from: big kim on January 05, 2014, 03:16:36 PM
It's coming up to 10 years since I last had sex,don't miss it.I would like to have a partner for the companionship

You have no idea how much I avoided this thread.  But this is a day to rebuild or accept a few things that failed in life, so here's the simple answer. 

Haven't had a loving partner is 20 years, and now wouldn't know where to start.  Think about sex and cuddling once in a while, then cry.  So I just avoid the subject. ;)

Sex is a rare thing for me these days. I live in an apartment with no privacy and I have a 14 month old. Hearing a peep out of him is an instant turn off, and it just makes the act of sex a disappointment every time. So while I did used to enjoy sex, i've been conditioned to the point where I don't even wanna deal with it anymore. Its now a disappointing passtime that could be spent doing other things. I'm also pre HRT, and I have come to resent the things my penis wants vs what i want. I wanna stay tucked, and happy, not awkward and ihaveapenis-ey.
I have always felt that sex complicates everything. The number of people out there who look down on the trans community is all the proof I need there.

Quote from: WFane on January 08, 2014, 09:02:24 AM
Sex is a rare thing for me these days. I live in an apartment with no privacy and I have a 14 month old. Hearing a peep out of him is an instant turn off, and it just makes the act of sex a disappointment every time. So while I did used to enjoy sex, i've been conditioned to the point where I don't even wanna deal with it anymore. Its now a disappointing passtime that could be spent doing other things. I'm also pre HRT, and I have come to resent the things my penis wants vs what i want. I wanna stay tucked, and happy, not awkward and ihaveapenis-ey.
I have always felt that sex complicates everything. The number of people out there who look down on the trans community is all the proof I need there.

^This^ is exactly how i feel.

Its not that i think sex is bad. Its that ive had experiences that have put a damper on the sexual situations that should give me good feelings . Instead i feel uncomfortable on the inside .

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on January 08, 2014, 08:51:06 AM
Oh I don't care two whits about whether you have sex, want sex, or want to live a life where you never orgasm once. It's not my place to comment on your personal choices *but* this topic is 'who needs it?' and there is a fairly large body of study which says that we all do for a healthy lifestyle so, the conversation continues. Whether you read any of the comments from sex positive individuals and take something from it or whether you just ignore the whole thing is up to you

Oh I know and the same with me.looking from the perspective of someone new,I felt the OP could have worded it alittle different as to not seem all finger pointy but my opinion and view is only in the realm of thinking of others and was never ment to cause harm.I believe we can talk about what we want while respecting those who take part.but you ladies enjoy yourselves and I will take my leave :) 'bows'

Quote from: WFane on January 08, 2014, 09:02:24 AM
Sex is a rare thing for me these days. I live in an apartment with no privacy and I have a 14 month old. Hearing a peep out of him is an instant turn off, and it just makes the act of sex a disappointment every time.

So very true, have a 15 month old wandering the house and he's very fond of sleeping in our bed too!

Kia Ora,

Re: Sex, seriously, who really needs it? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k

Metta Zenda :)

Sex who needs it,  obviously my prostrate gland does, and according to one of my doctors, was the reason I got a urinary tract infection, which was way painful.   I have a full sex life, such as it is, with myself.   Doctor's orders.   Relationships are different and change over time, and I don't see any point in building a relationship based upon sexual activity, because in my life the longer the relationship the less likely sex will be a part of it.    Besides, I do not want to life my life being a pleasure machine for others, and I don't expect anyone else to be a pleasure machine for me.   So in my life sex either happens or it doesn't.   I don't dislike sex or think that it is sinful, but sex is not going to be the center of my lifestyle.  My only sexual experiences have been with another woman.   Even when I prefer my male genitals to behave in a ladylike manner, I have no problems with causing pregnancies.   Six biological children is enough for me.   When I commit myself to a relationship especially when children are involved, that's it I am committed.   If the relationships ends its because the other person leaves me.   I am a Scorpion and a bitch wolf by nature.    I can be difficult to live with, but I don't cheat or telegram any desire for a sexual relationship with another person.   This is just me and how I am.   I am only relating this to let others know where "I" am coming from on an issue.   Each person's sex life is their own business morally speaking.   

I just feel that the only way I can deal with a sexual relationship is whatever happens, happens, and the other person is going to know all they need to know to have a pleasurable experience without any unnecessary surprises.   But as far as my personal life has gone, very little is ever going to happen.   I just have to have an open and honest sexual relationship with myself to keep my prostrate happy,  until the day that gender reassignment surgery takes it away.

<<<< stands in the corner with her hand held high

Me, me, me..... pick me.

:eusa_pray:

Lol!

For me, sex is going to be a very important thing. My first time was with my at the time boyfriend when we were at school. Even though I was having a huge gender identity crisis, he saw past my body and it was a beautiful but stupid thing. He made me feel like a complete woman for one lunch break.
So when I have sex again I am going to have had reassignment. It will be the final thing I need to do before I feel that I am a complete woman. Sex for me is really a goal and not an interest.

Quote from: Miranda Catherine on January 05, 2014, 05:51:45 PM
Horsey,
   All I can say is you're either with the wrong person, you're doing it wrong, or both! I'm with the most considerate, thoughtful man both emotionally and sexually and just holding his hand after 15 months still excites me. When you give yourself totally to the man (or woman) you're in love with, a kiss in itself is amazing, but having him make love to you is, in my opinion, the best feeling there is, period. For me, it's impossible to describe the purity of that intimacy between you and the person you'd do almost anything for, but I hope you find someone like that for you, too. Sex is fun, but making love with someone you're in love with is........wonderful. Hugs, Mira

Agree.

Quote from: Emily King on January 07, 2014, 02:56:16 AM
That's how I felt.  I found out about Asexuality many years ago.
No one has ever given me that "special" feeling male or female.  I've always viewed myself as more of a lesbian, but as of recently I kinda think I wouldn't mind having sex with a male.  Of course after I get my bits correct. ;-)

Yeah, no.  I'm a hetro female, and boy do I want to have sex.  I long for it, and yet I can't have it!!!!

The lesbian thing was me trying to forget what happened when I was 20. 

Mentally and emotionally I am getting into the state of mind where I really want sex with a male like any other woman does in all ways, one of which isn't possible.

Lol ummmm *awkwardly raises hand*
I'd like to experience it with my partner yeah. I'm 19 and I'm sure a lot of you can relate on those years where you think more with your hormones than your brain.
Lately though snuggling and spooning would be more than I could ask for.

sorry but if there was no sex at all in my life or relationship I would feel like something was definitely missing...when you find someone who your truly attracted to and trust completely and really knows what you like in bed its a really great thing.. I actually find myself thinking about sex or how to look or be more sexy way more than before transition and hormones..

Sex? Totally overrated. I have not had any for at least 4 years now, and to be perfectly honest, I don't miss it at all.  :-\

Quote from: Maegan on April 07, 2015, 02:51:27 AM
Sex? Totally overrated. I have not had any for at least 4 years now, and to be perfectly honest, I don't miss it at all.  :-\

Two years and counting given the total absence of decent opportunities (blessed be the lowered libido, which prevents me from going for one-night stands) :D.

Yep no sex till I'm post op. I thought I could have sex pre-op but found out that I can't.

Eventually, I'd love to have it but finding the correct partner is difficult, especially during transition. I would only do it with my significant other which I still have yet to find.

Quote from: JRD on January 05, 2014, 12:44:04 PM
Its icky, messy and just not that enjoyable. What the heck are you people thinking?  Do something constructive with the time, like crosswords or the dishes...



Anyone else feel like I do or am I alone in this?

Am I the only truly reasonable person left?   :P

I'm with you, lady. You seem like a very wise person indeed.

Looking forward to it post op.

Quote from: marsh monster on April 07, 2015, 09:41:58 AM
I'm with you, lady. You seem like a very wise person indeed.

My gosh, why don't you just give her a reputation point while you're at it?  ::)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2FModstuff%2Ffacepalm_pC3A1rduc_thumb_zpsfdda039f.jpg&hash=9d7da8251e99d276a4b47eaa8cc86089b8169987)

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 07, 2015, 11:02:40 AM
My gosh, why don't you just give her a reputation point while you're at it?  ::)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2FModstuff%2Ffacepalm_pC3A1rduc_thumb_zpsfdda039f.jpg&hash=9d7da8251e99d276a4b47eaa8cc86089b8169987)

I would have, but apparently, her account is no longer active. I wonder what happened to her?

Quote from: marsh monster on April 07, 2015, 11:08:24 AM
I would have, but apparently, her account is no longer active. I wonder what happened to her?

Sex, maybe?

Oh, and btw folks, are You aware of posting in one year old thread?

Quote from: marsh monster on April 07, 2015, 11:08:24 AM
I would have, but apparently, her account is no longer active. I wonder what happened to her?

I saw her trying on a French Foreign Legion uniform...

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 07, 2015, 11:11:39 AM
I saw her trying on a French Foreign Legion uniform...

OMG, You are fast...
Are You furious too? :D

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on April 07, 2015, 11:11:20 AM
Sex, maybe?

Oh, and btw folks, are You aware of posting in one year old thread?

This topic will always be timeless...

Quote from: marsh monster on April 07, 2015, 11:13:36 AM
This topic will always be timeless...

Just as sex... oh wait a minute... :D

I've looked at this topic so many times and I still can't decide if the OP was serious or not.

There are more important things it is true but sex is essential to life! For a start without it we'd be in lot of trouble because without recombination of genes our species would never have survived.

Having said that I will agree that if you can't find the right person and/or don't have the right bits it may not seem so much fun.

Personally though I'd say yes it is a need, maybe not a priority need, but a need none the less.

Right now I believe the more important question is why you would consider others who do not do as you, to be unreasonable?   Dani

well, i made it 26 years already and made getting any a priority, i dont see that changing anytime soon.

Quote from: Newgirl Dani on April 07, 2015, 11:54:57 AM
Right now I believe the more important question is why you would consider others who do not do as you, to be unreasonable?   Dani

I wouldn't take the OP too seriously, I hear she hates vegetables too.

Quote from: Newgirl Dani on April 07, 2015, 11:54:57 AM
Right now I believe the more important question is why you would consider others who do not do as you, to be unreasonable?   Dani

[/quote]

Quote from: marsh monster on April 07, 2015, 12:08:47 PM
I wouldn't take the OP too seriously, I hear she hates vegetables too.

Hey marsh monster,

Yeah, understood, but............I think we as a people have almost completely lost the will/inclination/wanting to take the time/ability to risk others wrath etc., etc., in order to hold others accountable.  This is a component of our nation that does not need to completely disappear or be neglected, to result in huge loss of prior gains.

Too serious for the situation?  To never redirect only means the above truly takes place.   Dani

I don't miss the act itself that much in spite of the fact its been 13ish years. I do miss the bond afterwords. You feel close to that person and there is no way to describe the feeling. Its just incredibly wonderful and I miss that more than anything. I'm hoping that if I'm still a lesbian after years of HRT that I'll still be able to experience that level of intimacy.

Quote from: Newgirl Dani on April 07, 2015, 12:26:40 PM




Hey marsh monster,

Yeah, understood, but............I think we as a people have almost completely lost the will/inclination/wanting to take the time/ability to risk others wrath etc., etc., in order to hold others accountable.  This is a component of our nation that does not need to completely disappear or be neglected, to result in huge loss of prior gains.

Too serious for the situation?  To never redirect only means the above truly takes place.   Dani

Technically, I am the OP, just with another account. I don't care for sex, but was curious about how important it was to others, trying to understand its significance to them. I just did it in an odd way as I sometimes do things. Plus I did have the smiley with its tongue sticking out the side, so that oughta count for something.  ;D

And I do understand the need for intimacy outside of sex. That is something I miss, but its hard to get that without someone wanting the other.

With the right person its fun. When you are in love with the right person and they are in love with you -- it is YES YES YES and ohmygoodnessistheearthtremblingandtheskiesparting! YES!.

Grace -- Do tell please.  This Canoodling -- how is done and how?  enlighten me. I feel deprived.

Grace - I looked up canoodling. I've been canoodling all along and never knew it.

Isn't that catching catfish barehanded from a canoe?

Quote from: marsh monster on April 07, 2015, 01:04:05 PM
Isn't that catching catfish barehanded from a canoe?

No noodles are involved?

Got it, never quite knew what the tongue icon was.......now I'm just a little bit smarter (just a little), and still really, really, really responsible though.

Uh Oh, just looked up.  Catfish, canoes, and noodles, boy how things change fast.

I've never really had a relationship for very long. Even though I'm primarily attracted to females, women usually aren't attracted to me. Not because of looks, but because I'm emotionally feminine, so they usually only see me as a friend. The girls who do want to be with still kinda want me to be a "man" in the relationship, and that's hard for me :(

As it is now, I'm pre everything, and even though I'm lonely and long for companionship and love I don't feel like I can even persue that.

I want sex, love and companionship, but I just don't think there is anything there for me, at least any time soon...

I can't imagine an intimate relationship without sex or sexual desire.

Quote from: Ms Grace on January 05, 2014, 02:08:09 PM
Kissing, cuddling, caressing, canoodling? Yes please! ;D Actual intercourse? meh, not so much...  :icon_blah:
But for all those that do enjoy it, more power to you!!!

Very true, I love the kissing, cuddling and foreplay, the actual intercourse is overrated, but being married to a hot blooded male (my husband) it's more important to him, I could live without it, but he can't, we both have different needs, but it's nice to satisfy him in that way, the way only a woman can, just to see that big smile on his face when intercourse is completed.

well, I'm a virgin, and I'd like to have sex at some point or another, but definitely, at some point in my life once I fully transition, or run into that special someone, who doesn't mind me being pre-op.

LOL, oh my goodness, I should stay out of this thread.

I want it.
I desire it.
I need it.

Being pre-op does not stop me :~]

I do

I love it and I cant get enough sex..

Once you experience a female orgasm wow, you just want that feeling again