Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ok ladies so Im now 2 1/2 months post op and everything seems to be going great Im back at wrk and life seems good... At 6weeks I attempted intercorse with my man and it was a challenge but went well and eversince Ive had sex with him atleast once a week but I have not been able to orgasm, I feel like its nice being with him that way and I love it but I dont feel orgasmic just yet... Healing is going good and he even has already gone down on me... ;D oppsss!!! Like I said its nice but I want yo be able to orgasm and Im now worried that I might not be orgasmic... PLEASE ADVISE... Thnx..:)

I will be a year old next week, and it was only about 3 weeks ago that some of my nerves got back into action.  I had resigned myself to my clitoris being only mildly sensitive, and then I had two experiences withing hours of each other that said life was improving greatly.  I checked back on my hospital discharge instructions and sure enough, they said that it could be 12 to 18 months for full nerve re-association to happen.  At a little under 6 months I actually was able to associate touch with the place I was touching, before then, I had what some call phantom limb experience from touch, I felt it, but at a part of my body nowhere close to its present location.

Next is, what are your expectations of an orgasm??  It is possible that with the wrong expectation, you are going to be disappointed for a very long time.  I need to have multiple "stimulation" points, and it does take longer.  Also, the O is not in one spot, it is over much more of my body, so I will need a partner to take time and caress more than just my pubic organs.  The other item is that some O are not as intense, but happen more frequently.

As you see, you are still very young at this "post op" thing and lucky you seems to have someone to help you practice. Time and patience and you will find things going nicely.

Vicky is totaly on track with its not the old O anymore.

Do not forget the G spot (prostate) with hrt and such it works just like the CIS G spot. Mine is about in the same location as a CIS female.

You are not that long post op and things are going to take a long time for somethings to return. Thing is not everything will come back so you will need to explore.

Take everything one day at a time and if you have any concerns contact your surgeon.

Izzy

Thanks Vicky, I know you are. Also a Bowers girls so it's nice to hear from you on this, I will definitely be more patient and explore down there, when he goes down it actually feels like Im on the right track for the big O but it doesn't happen, I will wait it out and explore my new Vagina... Thanks girls..

Thank u Izzy, I will have him explore with me. Should be fun...

Vicky is indeed right on que, time could be the thing that is needed, I waited till 4 months before I decided to break the seal as to say. I wanted to make sure I was indeed ready. What I know about getting there is its going  to be more mental, than mechanical, sure some touching is needed and for me going slow and easy ..... well it does the trick.
Also be careful ! one thing that isn't noted that was told to me is during the time of healing, you have chances to cause un-repairable damage to some of the current healing nerves, and if that happens well.. I am sure you get what I mean.
That being said have fun!!! But be careful!!

Yeah I say spend this time getting to know your body and your likes, turn ons. And such. Remember it's harder for your body to do those things now as a female. Guys get turned on by any and everything . Girls not so much . Give yourself some time

Quote from: Monaluv on January 06, 2014, 11:44:32 AM
Ok ladies so Im now 2 1/2 months post op and everything seems to be going great Im back at wrk and life seems good... At 6weeks I attempted intercorse with my man and it was a challenge but went well and eversince Ive had sex with him atleast once a week but I have not been able to orgasm, I feel like its nice being with him that way and I love it but I dont feel orgasmic just yet... Healing is going good and he even has already gone down on me... ;D oppsss!!! Like I said its nice but I want yo be able to orgasm and Im now worried that I might not be orgasmic... PLEASE ADVISE... Thnx..:)

I've been post op for years and have had sex many many times.

Does sex feel nice?
Yes? - relax and enjoy that, orgasm is a bonus that we get. Having him inside you and loving you, the closeness & the enjoyment is what I enjoy, when I orgasm (and I do most times) I look at it as a bonus.
No? it could be a number of factors, 1) you're new vagina is still healing, give it time, 2) maybe there isn't enough foreplay, I know when I orgasm the best (big full body, earth shaking ones) the foreplay, build up and time spent on ME was at its greatest 3) you have a pretty new body part, think of it like a car or something, it takes time to get to know it and work out what works, try a few things, you on top, doggy-style, spoon, legs right in the air. You need to find what hits your clitoris and the right spots inside and around the vagina, even rub yourself while you're at it.

You also should masturbate, you need to relearn what works for you, get to know what turns your body from a sexual being to a sexual beast!

Quote from: gowiththeflow on January 06, 2014, 04:16:25 PM
Yeah I say spend this time getting to know your body and your likes, turn ons. And such. Remember it's harder for your body to do those things now as a female. Guys get turned on by any and everything . Girls not so much . Give yourself some time

NOT TRUE!
Guys get hard more than girls get wet, yes, but going by myself and talks with my friends, we girls get turned on just as much if not more than guys, we're just better at hiding it

Hi Monaluv,

I would highly recommend you getting a hold of a book by Dr Lonnie Barbach called
"For Yourself, The Fulfilment of Female Sexuality". Available through the Book Depository or Amazon. 

I contains some very useful information and exercises to orgasm both by yourself and in a relationship

Huggs
Catherine .

The absolute best way to orgasm is to FORGET ABOUT IT! Relax and enjoy. Orgasm is 99% mental, state of mind, and trying to orgasm, WANTING to orgasm, is almost sure to stop it from happening! As a matter of fact, later on when you are more experienced, trying to NOT orgasm is a good way to have a really intense orgasm. So relax, enjoy the sensations, and let yourself be aware of what your body is telling you and don't focus on having an orgasm - it will come on its own.

great advice, Jane

Well, I was all too impatient to wait for all the nerves to settle, heal and readjust after srs. I took the shortcut and went straight for the g-spot. And it's very much like the old O. For me, an orgasm obtained via the g-spot is akin to jump starting a car (not that I have tried jump starting a car, see), as it goes straight to the raw nerve center.

I can fully understand how frustrating it can be not to be able to orgasm, and I was getting pretty worried myself. Day 71 was pure relief and can now O pretty much when I like. However, I think it's still soon for my own clitoris to give me one, even though it's sensitive. Also, being all too easy to orgasm via the g-spot has left me experimenting less with the clitoris, for the moment.

So, I recommend the g-spot, but masturbating! Try and see.. Oh, and I got a Lelo g-spot vibrator for that purpose.

Dilation CAN have its VERY nice moments!!

I don't know about pleasure from dilation. It has yet given me any. With my vibrator, I only go in about 2 inches and the head is specifically shaped to put pressure on the g-spot. The dilators seem to completely miss the g-spot. Maybe they need to be angled or something. And a dilator with an in-built vibrator, perhaps.

The Soul Source boys are angled up at the tip, and rotating them does a nice tickle of my g-spot at about the place you put your power ranger.  :D

Funny, I'm in such a different mind space when dilating. Pretty much the same mind space as when I'm washing the dishes or lifting weights.  :laugh: Yup, I use the Soul Source ones. But because of my schedule, dilation is always put in a precise time slot, and so there's no time for diversions or distractions or experimentation!

My first vibe was a little egg and OMG did it mix it up!!

I remember when I was about 10, I was looking for money at home and went into mums room, in her top draw I saw a couple of sex toys. while weirded out, it wasn't until I bought myself the egg that I thought "now I know why".

On orgasm, relax, enjoy and go in with a blank mine, have a drink of wine, romance yourself and take your time, theres no rush and it'll happen.

It took me 8 months, and when I finally did I only knew that I had due to the after-effects - hypersensitive clitoris, lack of arousal. I'm not complaining as the arousal had been very frustrating since about 2 months after SRS (seriously welcome relief to not be aroused for the first time in 6 months as my libido returned after a 3 year absence.)

I hold out hope that it can get better for me, though.

 Agent_J, good to hear you have finally had your first, hopefully they will come easier and be more joyful for you as you learn more about your new parts.

I knew something change when suddenly dilation was a little intense after a time

ohhh and the showerhead  >:-)

this was maybe 9 month post op

It took me 13 months after grs if I remember correct. That was with a vibrator by myself. And I would say it was intense. Different but definitely intense. My first O with someone else was just last December that being 22 months post op. And that orgasm...that was out of this world. I was all shaken up by it for three days... But it is definitely harder to get there and I must agree on that you should not try too hard to get it. For me at least it will for sure not come when I want it and try to get it. I am actually not very lucky with my nerves. I don´t have a lot of sensation, but it still it´s possible. Mental training!

Quote from: mm on January 30, 2014, 10:25:40 PM
Agent_J, good to hear you have finally had your first, hopefully they will come easier and be more joyful for you as you learn more about your new parts.

Sadly, it doesn't seem to be working out that way. By my count I've had around 30 now and they're all exactly like that. It saddens me, really, because it feels like all of the work and none of the fun - I get everything but the pleasure.

I do try toys every so often, but they have yet to do anything for me.

It took me 11 months post-SRS to have my first orgasm.  When I did, it was in my sleep.  I woke up from a "wet dream" -- wish I remember what the dream was about -- in full orgasm.  What a relief!  I had begun to think it would never happen.  My O happened after going on vacation and long talks with a girlfriend who had her surgery at the same time I did.  Her reassurance + vacation relaxation + dream ==> O. 

Since then I invested in a lelo vibrator.  I highly recommend it.  Combined with a wandering mind, it's wonderful!

BTW, that first wake-from-sleep in full orgasm happened, of all places, in Chisinau, Moldova.  Will wonders never cease. . . .

My first O was just some 15 days after surgery, including squirt, by stimulating the labia/clitoral area.
I've always been orgasmic since then.
It just took me as long as 10 years before being able to reach my first vaginal orgasm! But that was just
because I got a short vagina and I never felt to experiment enough with it before (I didn't love it and
I didn't believe it could have ever worked!)

Just a superficial observation. 2 1/2 months is awfully early to expect normal response. I expect improvement with nerves reconnecting over the next year for you.

Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on March 01, 2014, 07:54:20 AM
Just a superficial observation. 2 1/2 months is awfully early to expect normal response. I expect improvement with nerves reconnecting over the next year for you.

Spot on Missy!!  As I think I said above (or elsewhere) 6 months gets the feelings in the right spot, and between 11 & 12 gets the really sensitive stuff sensitized.  That from experience!!!

Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on March 01, 2014, 07:54:20 AM
Just a superficial observation. 2 1/2 months is awfully early to expect normal response. I expect improvement with nerves reconnecting over the next year for you.

It is. Unfortunately, some of our providers really like to setup unrealistic expectations in the misguided effort to assuage our fears.

I agree that 2.5 months is awfully early. I was fully sensate the moment I woke up, and it still took me about three months to be orgasmic in my sleep... and closer to a year to manage it while awake.  Also, that was by myself. It's important to relearn your new body and responses before expecting much out of partnered sex - as the women's magazines always say, if YOU don't know what you want, you can't expect a partner to. :)

(Brassard's materials did warn about the risks of nerve damage and numbness, and said it'd take up to two years for everything to reconnect, so I was actually rather surprised that it all came online so quickly.)

Quote from: Jenna Marie on March 01, 2014, 01:32:31 PM
I agree that 2.5 months is awfully early. I was fully sensate the moment I woke up, and it still took me about three months to be orgasmic in my sleep... and closer to a year to manage it while awake.  Also, that was by myself. It's important to relearn your new body and responses before expecting much out of partnered sex - as the women's magazines always say, if YOU don't know what you want, you can't expect a partner to. :)

(Brassard's materials did warn about the risks of nerve damage and numbness, and said it'd take up to two years for everything to reconnect, so I was actually rather surprised that it all came online so quickly.)

Jenna, when I woke up, I couldn't feel my legs, let alone my crotch. After sensation returned to my legs, all I could feel was the huge nappy (diaper) filled with bags of ice. Were you getting full sensation when they were changing dressing?

At the moment, I've only attempted vaginal orgasms, as these seem relatively easy to obtain. As I've mentioned, I got these from day 71 or so.

Nicolette : Yes, I was (and yeah, it was about as much fun as you'd expect). I did have the usual nerve remapping issues for a couple days - it felt like the dressing was on my scrotum, that sort of thing - but definitely full input. And while I appreciated it later, I could've done without it early on!

I don't really notice much difference between vaginal and other orgasms personally. Anything happening down there for me involves both vagina and clit to *some* degree, and it's hard for me to distinguish. Enjoyable, though!

Jenna, in the last month I got a sudden new intense sensation along the labia minora. It actually feels like I'm touching the corona of the glans. I don't know if Brassard has spread the glans about a bit, beyond the clitoris. The clitoris itself feels like I'm poking the top of the glans. The labia majora feels simply like the scrotum.

Nicolette : The neat but confusing thing about this surgery is that the nerves don't necessarily all go where the old skin did... so it's entirely possible that's a stray nerve from the glans even though the skin used for the labia is generally scrotal. (I get the impression that sometimes the nerves reconnect where *they* want to instead of somewhere predictable, too.) The good news is that your brain will eventually remap things, and that weirdness of feeling like the old anatomy will go away. That took only a day or two for me, but that's likely b/c my nerves were [I assume?] mostly not cut or injured during surgery. I've certainly heard of women who took a year or more to be 100% accurate in the brain-body map.