Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I came out to my dad at the end of the summer. His reaction was more-or-less accepting. While not exactly enthusiastic, he assured me that it was no big deal and he'd always love me.

Flash forward a couple of months and I'm feeling that I need to sit him down and come out to him again, this time in more direct and unflinching terminology. He's said a few things over the last couple of months that suggest to me that he doesn't understand the ramifications of what I told him.

Here are some examples:

-"It's nobody's business but yours. Nobody has any reason to ever know," when asked if he'd shared it with his cronies.
-"Everybody has their own sexual interests. It's a private matter," implying he thinks it's a fetish.
-"That was uncalled for. This sort of thing isn't a child's business," said after my wife told my son.
-"So the doctor is going to give you a medication that will help you live with this?" said when I explained that I was seeking a prescription.

I'm beginning to seriously doubt that he understands that I will be LIVING AS A WOMAN. I need to do some serious back fill.  :-\

Yeah seems like it :/

I had people who didnt quite got it too...

mey be not a coming out again, but definatly more explination as to whats going on.

Maybe get a handle on what he actually thinks first, by asking him what he understands to be the case with what you've already told him. That may make it easier to fill in the blanks, as it were. Often it's best to allow people to grasp the concepts themselves through probing questions and gentle nudging than putting them there and hoping they stick. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on January 19, 2014, 01:34:26 AM
Maybe get a handle on what he actually thinks first, by asking him what he understands to be the case with what you've already told him. That may make it easier to fill in the blanks, as it were. Often it's best to allow people to grasp the concepts themselves through probing questions and gentle nudging than putting them there and hoping they stick. :)

Sephirah is exactly right. It's better to ask what he thinks first, or else you may be throwing a bunch of info and terminology his way that he might not have even heard before or is familiar with.

And this was the exact problem I had when coming out to my dad. He assumed it was a fetish. By the things your dad was saying, it seems like he doesn't exactly understand the difference between crossdressing and actually BEING transgender, which is the same thing my dad thought until I clarified it for him. I do definitely think you should talk to him about it, explain it, and put it in perspective for him. But it's good that he said he'd love you no matter what. It's a start, at least. :) good luck!

Agree with Sephirah, it definitely sounds like he doesn't understand or that he misunderstands, but finding out exactly where that confusion lays is the best first step. If you're wife is supportive maybe having her there with you might also be helpful. I get along fine with my father but he definitely only hears what he wants to hear, if your dad is like that then having someone for support and communications backup might be useful. Good luck!  :)