Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Something that kind of bothers me. I've heard of some women who think that were more of a special kind of man instead of just a man. Let me explain, Ive been on various sights and forums and I frequently hear some of the woman think that were better than bio men or that we understand women better or from some bi women were the best of both worlds and even some transmen have said there bettter than bio men. Me personally I find it insulting because I'm just like any other guy out here. I don't really understand women all that wellI have found myself asking my female friends for help,  I think about sex almos 24/7 like every other guy, I might just act like a dick sometimes like every other guy but at the same time yes I can be a gentlemen. The only real reason I know how to treat women is because I listen not because to you and everyone else I either am one, was one, or still is. Even with pleasing women in the bed, I don't even know were the G-Spot is to be honest and I don't think any guy in H.S really does anyways because porn is not even a good help the only thing that may be slightly different is that I'm more creative when it comes to sex but other than that I would be scared because O aint ever done it before. Which was my whole point I'm just a young man like every other young I'm no different, No better jist Brandon......

I agree 100%. I hate when people say that trans men are some magical sort of men who automatically get women better and stuff. It's even worse when trans men say it because they reinforce it even more.

I also hear girls who claim to be lesbians and go "yeah I date girls and trans bois! FTMs are soooo hot"

Sometimes I'm tempted to be a troll and approach these women with my big hairy belly. Ask them if they find me sexy. :P And act like a total nasty douche just to make a point. But, meh, lol.

Quote from: caleb. on January 21, 2014, 01:11:53 AM
"yeah I date girls and trans bois! FTMs are soooo hot"

this sends me into a minor nerd rage -_-

I dislike being fetishised and presumptions made about my ability to relate to women (or anyone else) on any level.

Although I'm married now to a straight female, I would have issues if I were still on the dating scene and a lesbian expressed interest in me.  Usually because my first thought is that they see me as a female (even if they see me as a very masculine one). 

What is a man?

A man is a wonderful creature full of faults who keeps trying.

A man is a person who respects and helps others.

A man is a person who lives his life and gives joy and his hope and his ambition

Is a man a person who has a large or small penis?

Is a man a person who gets drunk and fights 'to be a man'

Is a man aloof and can not communicate?\

Or is a man a person who can share my soul? No matter what my gender or sexuality.

Is a man a person who stops his car to pick up a kids toy and give it back, no matter the consequence.

What is a special man?

All men are special.

What is a special man? A man who can drive me nuts sexualy.

Nah,

the special man goes to the store and carries a 60 pack of toilet paper because  I told him to do so and I know he is embarrassed.

Special men are very normal men, but wonderful.

Well some people do prefer trans people as sexual partners. There are some folks who do this as a fetish, but some people who don't. They are still looking for the right person, it's a sexual preference like being interested in girls. It's only a "fetish" because it's a minority thing. I have seen people come on susans and say they really like trans people and start to get weird about it.

It is also true that some trans guys DO know a lot more about how to make love because they do know their way around a female body. Of course some trans guys are gay, so it is not for sure in even most cases, I'd guess.

Androidnick, I identify as trans. I see being socialized as female as an experience most men can't have. And depending on the way the term was used (and that is certainly a HUGE thing) would NOT take offense at that. I also agree re: Cindy, about who is a man in society. I think there's a big deal about *manly* stuff and I couldn't be less interested in it. It's fading, it causes a lot of violence in society, and so on.

--Jay

Quote from: androidnick on January 21, 2014, 11:19:02 AM
lol I guess I'm probably in the minority. And this is entirely a comment on myself and my own experience so please don't take it as something I'm saying as true of all trans men. But I have to recognize that for much of my life, my body was run by estrogen. And this is part of what I use with my coping and whatnot. It will always be a part of me. My ability to understand at least emotionally/hormonally what can happen with female bodies. I feel I can empathize more and honestly because of being socialized as female I see a lot of the negative ways society treats women. So I do think I can have a different connection/relation with women because of these experiences. And none of this takes away from the fact that I am a man.

Maybe none of this makes sense! LOL But yeah. I think when used in the right context, the idea of a "special man" isn't offensive at all.

I lived many years as a female also and agree with this as well as I think it does offer a bit of an insider perspective in some ways.

But now I'm a stereotypical male saying "Who cares as long as she wants to have sex!" Lol 

Honestly most cis men I know don't really care if someone wanted to hook up with them specifically because of their race, religion, height, weight, etc. I don't really see this as much different unless of course I was actually viewed as a female still by a lesbian like caleb mentioned.

Quote from: overdrive on January 21, 2014, 04:25:42 PM
I lived many years as a female also and agree with this as well as I think it does offer a bit of an insider perspective in some ways.

But now I'm a stereotypical male saying "Who cares as long as she wants to have sex!" Lol 

Honestly most cis men I know don't really care if someone wanted to hook up with them specifically because of their race, religion, height, weight, etc. I don't really see this as much different unless of course I was actually viewed as a female still by a lesbian like caleb mentioned.

I don't care either but that's how some girls can get their feelings hurt, I'm shore not estrogen driven, I still don't really understand women because I'm just man

I am so far from stereotypical.

--Jay

Quote from: Brandon on January 21, 2014, 04:31:04 PM


I don't care either but that's how some girls can get their feelings hurt, I'm shore not estrogen driven, I still don't really understand women because I'm just man

And that Brandon is what is wrong, men are better than that. I don't understand men, but I try. They are my partners in life. To just dismiss people is foolish, I don't understand many women. It has nothing to do with hormones people are just that. People. Some you like, some you don't gender has nothing to do with it.

Real men who are heterosexual do understand their female partner. Why in the goddess universe would I go with a man who thought I was odd? We bring something to each other, we share, we grow; together.

There is nothing magic in being a man. There is nothing magic in being a woman.

Special men are not special. They are normal.

Quote from: Cindy on January 22, 2014, 04:12:31 AM
And that Brandon is what is wrong, men are better than that. I don't understand men, but I try. They are my partners in life. To just dismiss people is foolish, I don't understand many women. It has nothing to do with hormones people are just that. People. Some you like, some you don't gender has nothing to do with it.

Real men who are heterosexual do understand their female partner. Why in the goddess universe would I go with a man who thought I was odd? We bring something to each other, we share, we grow; together.

There is nothing magic in being a man. There is nothing magic in being a woman.

Special men are not special. They are normal.

Well of course I would understand the woman I'm dating, I'm just like any other guy though

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

IMO, a special quality in someone derives from being the best person you can be. Qualities which transcend gender. Whatever your situation affords you... it's what you do with it that determines the measure of who you are.

of course i'm a special person, just like everyone else. i'm special because of my personality, my views about society, how i deal with different kinds of people, how i deal with challenges in life, how i express my feelings etc. etc. even if i were born in the right body i would've been the same special person. i wouldn't be comfortable if someone finds me interesting just because i'm trans. i'm not really 'trans and proud of it' mentality, and it's probably going to annoy me if i'm treated any different from other guys because i'm trans. i wouldn't date a girl who thinks i'm special because i'm trans. i only want her to find me special, not my defected body, not my gender issues, not my money, not my vehicle, but me.

I agree with YBtheOutlaw.

Quote from: androidnick on January 22, 2014, 01:06:24 PM
Brandon because you are pre-T your body technically is functioning through predominantly estrogen. Which is my point that a lot of trans guys can understand the hormonal shifts women have and how their emotions can sometimes shift because of these things.

Yea but when you say estrogen driven that's not what that means besides my T level is alittle higher. And no I don't even really don't understand that and I'm being honest, Not all trans guys understand that because the level of T Ive never truly understood why women do the things they do. Know I live with women so I understand mood swings because my sister and mom get that way that's all

A had the mood swings for a long time, because of the estrogen. It didn't really feel like it fit me.

--Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on January 22, 2014, 09:14:11 PM
A had the mood swings for a long time, because of the estrogen. It didn't really feel like it fit me.

--Jay

I have never had mood swings really

I think that this stems from the idea that because a ftm or mtf was raised outside of their true gender that somehow they have a special insight into their birth sex, but that doesn't really seem to be true too much. Sure feeling the effects of testosterone and estrogen might make you understand a bit about how people feel hormonally, it doesn't really make you truely understand. I was raised male but I still don't understand them, I have felt testosterone but a hormone isn't enough to understand a gender at least in my expierence.

The thing is sadly I know a woman who views FTMs almost like some Yaoi Anime characters, always sort of femme, thin, beardless, with hair long enough to spike. This is totally not the case as far as I have seen, so I don't even get where that stereotype got into her head, the FTMs I have met have been all over the spectrum, like any other group of guys. Talking with this person really opened my eyes to the fact that all transpeople get wrongly sexualized and stereotyped not just MTFs like myself.

Quote from: Hikari on January 22, 2014, 09:40:39 PM
I think that this stems from the idea that because a ftm or mtf was raised outside of their true gender that somehow they have a special insight into their birth sex, but that doesn't really seem to be true too much. Sure feeling the effects of testosterone and estrogen might make you understand a bit about how people feel hormonally, it doesn't really make you truely understand. I was raised male but I still don't understand them, I have felt testosterone but a hormone isn't enough to understand a gender at least in my expierence.

I can relate. I know what it's like to live as my assigned sex, but I'm still very clueless and disconnected when it comes to the culture surrounding womanhood. I have no idea what it's like to be a woman or what any of that entails, because I'm not one. That's not to say I didn't try to be one. I did, and failed, because I couldn't relate to a single aspect of it and eventually stopped giving a damn.

So yeah, being put on a pedestal kind of annoys me. There are some aspects I have experienced that most cis guys haven't: I've dealt with the same misogynistic bullcrap any other FAAB person did when I was a kid (and don't plan on perpetuating it post transition), I can also empathize when it comes to the physical stuff, but I am still far from god's gift to women. I'm a human like any other, and just as capable of screwing up and being stupid as anyone else is, so if someone starts a relationship with me expecting my trans status alone to make me the perfect man there's gonna be a big surprise. I'd rather be loved despite my flaws and not for my medical history.

Quote from: Zambie on January 22, 2014, 10:48:03 PM
I can relate. I know what it's like to live as my assigned sex, but I'm still very clueless and disconnected when it comes to the culture surrounding womanhood. I have no idea what it's like to be a woman or what any of that entails, because I'm not one. That's not to say I didn't try to be one. I did, and failed, because I couldn't relate to a single aspect of it and eventually stopped giving a damn.

So yeah, being put on a pedestal kind of annoys me. There are some aspects I have experienced that most cis guys haven't: I've dealt with the same misogynistic bullcrap any other FAAB person did when I was a kid (and don't plan on perpetuating it post transition), I can also empathize when it comes to the physical stuff, but I am still far from god's gift to women. I'm a human like any other, and just as capable of screwing up and being stupid as anyone else is, so if someone starts a relationship with me expecting my trans status alone to make me the perfect man there's gonna be a big surprise. I'd rather be loved despite my flaws and not for my medical history.

Amen brothaa!!

I don't get why some people view FTMS as better than cis guys either. We're just like any other guy.

I've seen a couple posts on Tumblr and such of girls saying they love FTMS and having stereotypical views on us. Not all of us are going to be kind of feminine and understand women because we were born one. Like users before me said, I barely understand girls either. I never truly lived as a girl.

I don't mind cis people who in a way admire us but please don't treat us like we're special and better than cis men. I can be a gentleman and a dick like any regular dude lol.

The only way I can see that we're "better" is that sometimes we're more aware of problems that women have in society than other men, such as rape, being overlooked, paid less, etc, if not through experiencing it ourselves but through being trusted by women to listen to those conversations.  Obviously this depends on our personal experiences and the age at which we transitioned.  People who transitioned younger or even just discovered they were trans younger are going to have less of this than people who didn't transition/realise later in life.  Since being stuck in a room with 3 girls since September I've learned a lot more about life as a female through being forced to socialise with them.  I don't avoid talking to them, they're mostly alright people, but even if I hadn't sought them out to talk to I'd have found out stuff in their conversations late at night.

Something that most of us have had in common with most cis women is the monthly stuff, so we can understand more than cis men on that count.

Although there are some points where we can understand and empathise more than cis guys, I still don't think that we're any more special than them.  We shouldn't be put into a separate category and sought out because of how we happened to be born.  I'm a man just like anyone else, and although I've heard about more women's problems/life than other men it's nothing more special in my opinion to spying on them.  It's solely information to me, I don't connect with them more, and I can still be an insensitive moron sometimes because I don't understand female stuff on the same level as a woman.

Just as some cis men are better partners than others, some trans men are better partners than others.  We're all individuals, not clones of each other with an innate ability to be amazing lovers.

Quote from: lxndr on January 23, 2014, 11:55:02 AM
The only way I can see that we're "better" is that sometimes we're more aware of problems that women have in society than other men, such as rape, being overlooked, paid less, etc, if not through experiencing it ourselves but through being trusted by women to listen to those conversations.  Obviously this depends on our personal experiences and the age at which we transitioned.  People who transitioned younger or even just discovered they were trans younger are going to have less of this than people who didn't transition/realise later in life.  Since being stuck in a room with 3 girls since September I've learned a lot more about life as a female through being forced to socialise with them.  I don't avoid talking to them, they're mostly alright people, but even if I hadn't sought them out to talk to I'd have found out stuff in their conversations late at night.

Something that most of us have had in common with most cis women is the monthly stuff, so we can understand more than cis men on that count.

Although there are some points where we can understand and empathise more than cis guys, I still don't think that we're any more special than them.  We shouldn't be put into a separate category and sought out because of how we happened to be born.  I'm a man just like anyone else, and although I've heard about more women's problems/life than other men it's nothing more special in my opinion to spying on them.  It's solely information to me, I don't connect with them more, and I can still be an insensitive moron sometimes because I don't understand female stuff on the same level as a woman.

Just as some cis men are better partners than others, some trans men are better partners than others.  We're all individuals, not clones of each other with an innate ability to be amazing lovers.

I agree with all of this.

Well I was never really forced to act like a female that could play a factor. I can dress how I want it's just my mom having a serious problem with sex changes but other than that.

I agree with the fact that we're just men like any other. I have to explain that when I tell someone I'm trans. I say yeah, I was born different, but really I'm just like any other guy. I like what I like, I love thinking about sex...seriously, it's constant...and I don't understand women at all. I keep female friends so that they can explain any gf I have to me lol.

Quote from: TheLance on January 23, 2014, 03:14:10 PM
I agree with the fact that we're just men like any other. I have to explain that when I tell someone I'm trans. I say yeah, I was born different, but really I'm just like any other guy. I like what I like, I love thinking about sex...seriously, it's constant...and I don't understand women at all. I keep female friends so that they can explain any gf I have to me lol.

Lol right!

I know nothing about women...my gf can attest to this...when it comes to emotions and talking about emotions...i don't want to do it and im bad at it...far as sex goes...i know nothing about the vagina just like a guy...my gf taught me more about it lol anyway I don't think all transgendered dudes have an advantage other cis guys

Exactly lol.