Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Am I the only one who has a bad case of dysphoria when it comes to the between the legs area?

I honestly hate looking at it and touching it than ever before. It will be a while until I can get bottom surgery; I'm still a virgin and I don't know if I'll ever be able to have sex before having the surgery done because I feel so uncomfortable down there. I wouldn't want to be touched there or anything.

Quote from: alabamagirl on January 23, 2014, 09:48:39 AM
You're definitely not alone in feeling that way. While I don't experience much dysphoria over my own lower parts, I know people who experience *INTENSE* dysphoria over that particular part, to the point of feeling absolutely miserable whenever they acknowledge it in any way.

Yeah, I have some pretty bad dysphoria over it. D: It sucks.

Quote from: alabamagirl on January 23, 2014, 10:04:46 AM
*Hugs* I really do empathize with your feelings about it. Being close to people who feel the same, and listening to them describe how they feel in so much detail is heartbreaking. All I can say is hang in there, save up what money you can, and hopefully the day when you can get your bottom surgery will come soon.

I'll try to save up some money. I'll have to wait a few years though because I'm not old enough to get bottom surgery yet.

Mr Hockey, I am with you all the way on bottom dysphoria and it will be years before I have the money for surgery, hopefully t will give me some growth and help me to feel better about myself.  Monthly shark week is always bad having to deal with the mess.  Somehow I do use tampons which certainly help with the mess of not feeling or seeing the messing pads.

Quote from: alabamagirl on January 23, 2014, 10:16:49 AM
I admire people like you who are transitioning so young. When I was your age, I was scared to death to admit I was trans, even to myself. I denied it until I was at my breaking point, and it was no way to live. I'm glad you won't have to go through that, at least.

I'm still partially in the closet though. :/ I'm still scared to come out to everyone, right now only a few people know. I came out to my mom but we never had a real discussion about it. It's like I never told her.

Quote from: mm on January 23, 2014, 10:18:58 AM
Mr Hockey, I am with you all the way on bottom dysphoria and it will be years before I have the money for surgery, hopefully t will give me some growth and help me to feel better about myself.  Monthly shark week is always bad having to deal with the mess.  Somehow I do use tampons which certainly help with the mess of not feeling or seeing the messing pads.

I can't express how much I hate that time of month. I've never used tampons before and I have no idea how to use them.

I'm currently in that time right now which made me create this thread. Periods always give me bad dysphoria. I don't want to be reminded that I'm biologically a female.

Quote from: alabamagirl on January 23, 2014, 10:34:45 AM
It's still great progress. You've accepted who you are, and you've been brave enough to come out to those people. That's something to be proud of.

What was your mom's reaction when you first told her? If it wasn't negative, maybe she just doesn't know how to approach the subject to have a real discussion about it with you. I'm sure it's not an easy subject to bring up for you, either, but you may have to be the one to do it.

I texted her that I wanted to talk to her about something and I told her that I didn't like being a girl and that I think I'm trans. She said she'd always be there for me and that's the last we spoke of it. I see a counselor for depression/anxiety issues and she told me to talk to her about it. I don't know how to bring it up to mom and tell her I want to go on T, get my name changed legally and eventually get surgery.

I am at that time of the month too.  About a year after I started and was still around other girls in school and some of them had started using tampons.  I hated this monthly bleeding and wanted to be rid of it and be as far away from it as I could get. Tampons would get rid of the pads which reminded me all the time when I used them.  I got box of the slim plastic applicator kind and after about 4-5 tried got one in that felt aright.  I am so glad I persisted for it has a much better for it ever since. I am now 23 in college and hope to start t soon.

Quote from: mm on January 23, 2014, 10:44:21 AM
I am at that time of the month too.  About a year after I started and was still around other girls in school and some of them had started using tampons.  I hated this monthly bleeding and wanted to be rid of it and be as far away from it as I could get. Tampons would get rid of the pads which reminded me all the time when I used them.  I got box of the slim plastic applicator kind and after about 4-5 tried got one in that felt aright.  I am so glad I persisted for it has a much better for it ever since. I am now 23 in college and hope to start t soon.

I should start using tampons I guess.

I also hate the cramps, they're probably my least favorite part of it all. I'm thankful for pills that take care of the cramping. MTFs are lucky they don't have to go through this.. lol.

You do have to get committed to succeeding when you try tampons as you will probably have a problem or two getting the first one in completely.  Use the slim plastic applicator type the first time and it would be best if you were having flow when you try so you have some lubrication from it. Read and understand the instruction that come in the box.  I get cramps for about a day before I start and for another day; I always know when I will start bleeding which is nice to know I need to carry a tampon for when it does.  I willn't take any female hormones for the pain only over the counter pain meds for me.  Oh yes, MTF have no idea what it is like to have a period every month.

Sounds like your mom is understanding and wants to help.  You will have to find a time and place as soon as you can to have a talk with her.

I appreciate the kind words and advice. :)

When the time is right, I'll talk to my mom about it.

Quote from: alabamagirl on January 23, 2014, 11:25:20 AM
Haha... I remember when I first came out to my cousin, she told me "Why would you want to be a girl? It sucks. We have to deal with having periods every month."

I'm not sure how I feel about that particular aspect of it... Part of me feels like I would be thrilled to experience something so exclusive to cis girls, and the other part thinks not experiencing it is one of the rare perks of being trans.

You and other MTFs are very lucky you don't have to deal with periods. Bleeding for 3 or more days with unbearable cramps and mood swings is not something you'd enjoy lol.

One of the reasons why I feel being a guy is amazing is because they don't have to deal with all that stuff. Being a girl is tough and sucks, for us FTMs at least, but I'm glad you ladies are happy with it. :)

Mine last 4-5 days, about 1-2 days of heavy flow needing the super tampon then.  Cramps are definitely the worst part of having it ever month; the constant reminder for that 1-2 days that you have those female parts down there.  I will be so glad to get on T and then hopefully a total hyster to be rid of those parts and the problems they cause.

Quote from: mm on January 23, 2014, 11:43:17 AM
Mine last 4-5 days, about 1-2 days of heavy flow needing the super tampon then.  Cramps are definitely the worst part of having it ever month; the constant reminder for that 1-2 days that you have those female parts down there.  I will be so glad to get on T and then hopefully a total hyster to be rid of those parts and the problems they cause.

Mine lasts usually for 3 or 4 days. And yeah, I agree with you. Vaginas cause a lot of problems, don't they?

My vagina is just there and I use it to hold tampons to collect the blood from my uterus and it is the hormones from my ovaries make all this happen.  It is the internal parts that you can't see that cause all problems for us.  Female parts have many more problems then guy parts, look there is the specialist of GYN medicine to take of women's parts.

Quote from: mm on January 23, 2014, 11:55:43 AM
My vagina is just there and I use it to hold tampons to collect the blood from my uterus and it is the hormones from my ovaries make all this happen.  It is the internal parts that you can't see that cause all problems for us.  Female parts have many more problems then guy parts, look there is the specialist of GYN medicine to take of women's parts.

Yes, that is true.

Quote from: mm on January 23, 2014, 11:55:43 AM
My vagina is just there and I use it to hold tampons to collect the blood from my uterus and it is the hormones from my ovaries make all this happen.  It is the internal parts that you can't see that cause all problems for us.  Female parts have many more problems then guy parts, look there is the specialist of GYN medicine to take of women's parts.

It's very true. Health insurance used to cost females more in the US.

--Jay

Quote from: alabamagirl on January 23, 2014, 12:23:14 PM
This is completely unrelated to the topic of discussion, but I just wanted to say, Mr. Hockey, that you look very masculine and handsome already. I agree with what someone said in the picture thread; you do have a sort of Bruno Mars-esque quality to you. Actually, I think you're more handsome than him. T is going to do wonders for you, I'm sure.

You think so? Thank you! :)

Thats great you are coming out now and it sounds like you have a very supportive loving mother. Even if the conversation seemed to end rather quickly, her saying she supports you no matter what is HUGE!

I came out much later in life (in my 30s). I always wished I was a guy but trans wasn't something that really was known when I was younger. I know people have had SRS years before I was born but it was something that wasn't talked about and to many of us didn't even know was a thing. I just remember people telling me I would get used to it and it was just adjusting to my body and changes as I progressed through puberty.

I really don't have any top dysphoria but my bottom dysphoria is off the chains. I really want to get a Reelmagik but I also want an STP or at least a bottom tab so there isn't any accidental touching of female parts when I get intimate with someone. I've been holding out for a while but still nothing. The day Reelmagik comes out with it is the day I order, just not sure if I can wait until then. So I can understand where you're coming from.

the ftm's have that awe full periodic bleeding and cramps, but the mtf's have this continuous lump of protruding flesh between their legs. It's an ever awareness of some thing so unwanted.

Quote from: stephaniec on January 23, 2014, 12:51:21 PM
the ftm's have that awe full periodic bleeding and cramps, but the mtf's have this continuous lump of protruding flesh between their legs. It's an ever awareness of some thing so unwanted.

If only we could trade. :-\ I feel just empty without a penis.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 23, 2014, 12:55:33 PM
If only we could trade. :-\ I feel just empty without a penis.

believe me I feel so empty with out a vagina

Quote from: overdrive on January 23, 2014, 12:48:21 PM
Thats great you are coming out now and it sounds like you have a very supportive loving mother. Even if the conversation seemed to end rather quickly, her saying she supports you no matter what is HUGE!

I came out much later in life (in my 30s). I always wished I was a guy but trans wasn't something that really was known when I was younger. I know people have had SRS years before I was born but it was something that wasn't talked about and to many of us didn't even know was a thing. I just remember people telling me I would get used to it and it was just adjusting to my body and changes as I progressed through puberty.

I really don't have any top dysphoria but my bottom dysphoria is off the chains. I really want to get a Reelmagik but I also want an STP or at least a bottom tab so there isn't any accidental touching of female parts when I get intimate with someone. I've been holding out for a while but still nothing. The day Reelmagik comes out with it is the day I order, just not sure if I can wait until then. So I can understand where you're coming from.

Thanks a lot. :)

I want to get prosthetics as well. Once I have the chat with my mom, I'll ask her if I can order some online.

I have top dysphoria but it's not as bad as my bottom dysphoria. I hate having boobs obviously but luckily I'm flat chested so they're too noticeable. I don't have binders atm so I wear training bras. I've always been fascinated with having a penis ever since I was little.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 23, 2014, 01:00:26 PM
Thanks a lot. :)

I want to get prosthetics as well. Once I have the chat with my mom, I'll ask her if I can order some online.

I have top dysphoria but it's not as bad as my bottom dysphoria. I hate having boobs obviously but luckily I'm flat chested so they're too noticeable. I don't have binders atm so I wear training bras. I've always been fascinated with having a penis ever since I was little.

I'm the same way except opposite. My first conscious  awareness of it when I was 4

Quote from: stephaniec on January 23, 2014, 01:00:07 PM
believe me I feel so empty with out a vagina

It really stinks doesn't it? :(

Quote from: stephaniec on January 23, 2014, 01:05:39 PM
I'm the same way except opposite. My first conscious  awareness of it when I was 4

I don't remember the exact age I was when I first started wanting one. I do remember seeing my cousin's and a friend's when I was younger.. you know, just little kids being curious and showing off their body. Well, I don't remember the first time it happened but one of those times when they showed me what they have down there, I became fascinated with it. I was jealous and envious, and still am of cis guys. I was always a tomboy and would play with all the boys and I remember a few times seeing them use the bathroom and I wondered why I couldn't do that like them. I also wondered why I couldn't take my shirt off during the summer like all the boys could.

My bottom dysphoria is weird, to me. I don't mind messin with it, or anyone that I'm having sex with messin with it, but I hate for anyone to call it what it is. That makes me so anxious. I do pretty good in denial land. It's like if no one says it, it isn't real and I can pretend.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 23, 2014, 01:14:57 PM
It really stinks doesn't it? :(

I don't remember the exact age I was when I first started wanting one. I do remember seeing my cousin's and a friend's when I was younger.. you know, just little kids being curious and showing off their body. Well, I don't remember the first time it happened but one of those times when they showed me what they have down there, I became fascinated with it. I was jealous and envious, and still am of cis guys. I was always a tomboy and would play with all the boys and I remember a few times seeing them use the bathroom and I wondered why I couldn't do that like them. I also wondered why I couldn't take my shirt off during the summer like all the boys could.

My problem was I started wearing my sisters clothes at 4 and never stopped . around 7 or 8 I started having nightmares of my penis going down the toilet or falling off. I 've been like this a long time. I've never wanted my penis. I also was from early on so envious of girls vaginas .When ever I saw the girls with tight fitting pants and saw nothing bulging I knew that's how I wanted to look. As I got into my late teens and early 20's my penis mentally disappeared.

Quote from: TheLance on January 23, 2014, 01:29:24 PM
My bottom dysphoria is weird, to me. I don't mind messin with it, or anyone that I'm having sex with messin with it, but I hate for anyone to call it what it is. That makes me so anxious. I do pretty good in denial land. It's like if no one says it, it isn't real and I can pretend.

I touch myself sometimes and really, the only person I'm comfortable with touching it is me. I don't know it's just awkward and embarrassing for my partner to touch it during sex. I know you don't have to have a penis to be a guy and many FTMs choose not to have bottom surgery but for some reason I feel like I need a penis to feel completely comfortable. I feel like my partner won't be satisfied without me having one in bed.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 23, 2014, 01:36:36 PM
I touch myself sometimes and really, the only person I'm comfortable with touching it is me. I don't know it's just awkward and embarrassing for my partner to touch it during sex. I know you don't have to have a penis to be a guy and many FTMs choose not to have bottom surgery but for some reason I feel like I need a penis to feel completely comfortable. I feel like my partner won't be satisfied without me having one in bed.

It exactly the same for me. I've been mentally backwards as far as my parts operate since I was 20.

Totally not alone. I have never let anyone touch it, and I've never even used tampons. I personally find it to be...super creepy that I have a hole like that in my body. Lol. I definitely need to have bottom surgery to feel at peace with all this, but I try to take it day by day. My chest dysphoria is all-encompassing atm so I can ignore the bottom parts, probably until I have top.

Quote from: stephaniec on January 23, 2014, 01:33:44 PM
My problem was I started wearing my sisters clothes at 4 and never stopped . around 7 or 8 I started having nightmares of my penis going down the toilet or falling off. I 've been like this a long time. I've never wanted my penis. I also was from early on so envious of girls vaginas .When ever I saw the girls with tight fitting pants and saw nothing bulging I knew that's how I wanted to look. As I got into my late teens and early 20's my penis mentally disappeared.

I try to forget about my vagina and imagine I have a penis. I've even stuck some tissues in my underwear once to make it feel like I had something down there.

I wear boxer briefs now and I feel even more empty than I did when I was wearing girl's underwear. I'm wearing a boys underwear and I don't have the right parts. :/

Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 23, 2014, 01:45:48 PM
I try to forget about my vagina and imagine I have a penis. I've even stuck some tissues in my underwear once to make it feel like I had something down there.

I wear boxer briefs now and I feel even more empty than I did when I was wearing girl's underwear. I'm wearing a boys underwear and I don't have the right parts. :/

yea it really is an awe full feeling.

Yeah my chest dysphoria kind of owns my brain right now. I hate it...I worry that my bottom dysphoria will get worse after surgery. I decided that I am going to invest in a prosthetic as soon as I am financially able though, because even though it's not a pressing issue, I'd like to have a penis, whether I can feel it or not.

Quote from: alabamagirl on January 23, 2014, 01:14:21 PM
This is something I think about a lot. I have the parts you want, you have the parts I want. Why can't it be as simple as exchanging them? *Sigh*

Yup, that'd be amazing but not possible. :/

Sometimes I really hate myself for how I was born. I try not to; I should be happy I was even born and was a healthy baby. I just wish I could of been born how I was meant to be born as a boy. I don't even look like a girl in many ways, I honestly look better in boys clothes with a short haircut. For awhile I had really poofy, curly hair and would always put it in a ponytail and it looked awful. I've seen pictures of me when I was forced to wear girl's clothes, like at this wedding I went to two summers ago, and I do not have the body for a dress. I also have a lot of hair on my legs and arms and I choose not to shave it because it makes me feel like a guy. I get mistaken for a guy a lot in public, always have. I held the door open for this man at the store and he said "Thanks, man" and I've been called "sir" by countless substitute teachers in school and outside of school.

I do wear all guy clothes, mostly boxer underwear, tried brief and all, but like boxers best. I have a packer but sudden wear it as when I wear regular guy jeans, they a lose enough that I don't need to have anything in there to show.  When I wear my packer I am so conscious of it all the time afraid of it coming lose and worst falling down my pants leg.  The only time I really think about my vagina is when I put tampons in during shark week.  It doesn't cause me any problem otherwise.  It is those internal parts that cause shark week.

I played with boys growing up, liked their sports and they liked having another person on the team.  I would see how they would go behind a tree in the tall grass and pee and would be back playing quickly.  I so wanted to be able to do the same.  It so hard the summer between 7 and 8th when I started getting a chest and bleeding started.  It was much harder on me than the boys as they didn't see what was happening to me as nothing shows that they could see that summer.  It was then that I realize I was different from them and wouldn't develop boy parts.

Quote from: mm on January 23, 2014, 02:02:54 PM
I do wear all guy clothes, mostly boxer underwear, tried brief and all, but like boxers best. I have a packer but sudden wear it as when I wear regular guy jeans, they a lose enough that I don't need to have anything in there to show.  When I wear my packer I am so conscious of it all the time afraid of it coming lose and worst falling down my pants leg.  The only time I really think about my vagina is when I put tampons in during shark week.  It doesn't cause me any problem otherwise.  It is those internal parts that cause shark week.

I played with boys growing up, liked their sports and they liked having another person on the team.  I would see how they would go behind a tree in the tall grass and pee and would be back playing quickly.  I so wanted to be able to do the same.  It so hard the summer between 7 and 8th when I started getting a chest and bleeding started.  It was much harder on me than the boys as they didn't see what was happening to me as nothing shows that they could see that summer.  It was then that I realize I was different from them and wouldn't develop boy parts.

I don't have all guys clothes atm. My parents still get me girl's jeans and stuff but they know I like t-shirts so I have a lot of boyish shirts. I have some Nike shorts and stuff like that too. I got rid of most of my girl's clothes.

I definitely want to stock up on more guy's stuff next time I go to the mall or somewhere.

Quote from: alabamagirl on January 23, 2014, 02:18:05 PM
So jealous of that... I hate it when people call me 'sir,' or 'Mr. [not writing my last name here]'. It just... urrgh. It seriously sends me right into this awful feeling of depression. It's one of the most dysphoric experiences for me. No one ever mistakes me for a girl. Maybe when I lose weight and grow out my hair... get a more 'feminine' pair of glasses, things like that. I'm still pre-everything right now. The only thing appearance-wise that's changed is that I stopped wearing boxer-briefs and wear panties now, which does make me feel a bit better when I'm changing clothes, at least.

But yeah... I wish I had just been born a girl so I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. Sometimes I feel so trapped. I try to stay positive and remind myself that I'll eventually be able to live as the right gender if I just be patient and keep working towards it, but sometimes it's hard to keep believing that.

It's a pretty good feeling but sometimes it's embarrassing. I sometimes feel bad like "why couldn't I just of been born as the right gender"? or "why can't I be comfortable in the body I was born with"? But I have to learn to get comfortable with it.

I feel the same way at times but mostly I'm confident that I'll be able to transition smoothly. I need to get my parent's approval though to get on T and stuff. I think my mom will be way more accepting than my dad with it. I feel the most dysphoria when I go over his house. I have to put on this act pretending like I'm into girl's stuff. He still gets me girl's things and gets on me about wearing boys clothes. I think he may be transphobic.. I don't know he's never mentioned anything about transgender but from the way he acts about me acting like a guy and even my younger step-brother about playing with girl's toys, I don't think he'll be too supportive.

I hate my vagina.

I hate bleeding out of it.

I hate using the bathroom from that thing.

I have decided that I will involve it for sexual purposes whenever I'm married.  Even though I hate it, there's still some erotic sensation down there.

I will strive to get bottom surgery though.  My bottom dysphoria is way worse than my top dysphoria.

Man, this topic hits close to home. I've always been dysphoric about my downstairs mix-up, but I didn't know how bad until recently. You see, when I was fresh out of high school, I realized that my feelings of being off or wrongly embodied were because I was transgender. When I looked up bottom surgeries after much deliberation, I was so disappointed by what the internet image search yielded that I made the decision to try to live as a woman and be happy with it. So I started to repress everything. All of it. But as many will tell you, repression is not how you fix things and it ain't exactly a healthy thing either.
Five or more years later I decided to come out when I realized I just couldn't live my life like that anymore, and I was tired of putting on a mask everyday. I sincerely did try though; no one could say I didn't.
After I came out, I was still repressing my feelings and dysphoria so that I wouldn't have to hurt. I'd seen so many other guys hurting over it, and I'd had quite enough of that noise in my life. I thought I could ignore it, but just like with repressing my true self, it was a BIG MISTAKE. It just piled up and piled up like an ignored dirty laundry basket, and eventually the load overflows. Here recently with the help of my therapist, I've been allowing myself to explore and feel, rather than repress and conceal. I have found recently where once I was sure I could transition and leave my naughty-bits alone, that it may not be good enough for me. I don't know what I'm going to do, how, how far to take it, or how much it'll run me. I just know that what I thought was once a cold, distant acceptance of my genitals was actually seething dysphoria just waiting for the box to be opened. And man, did Pandora rip it open like a kid on Christmas.

Quote from: Malachite on January 23, 2014, 05:23:38 PM
I hate my vagina.

I hate bleeding out of it.

I hate using the bathroom from that thing.

I have decided that I will involve it for sexual purposes whenever I'm married.  Even though I hate it, there's still some erotic sensation down there.

I will strive to get bottom surgery though.  My bottom dysphoria is way worse than my top dysphoria.

This 100%.

Hi Mr Hockey,

Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 23, 2014, 10:58:52 AM
.............  MTFs are lucky they don't have to go through this.. lol.

I'll swap you for a lifetime of dilation.

It's funny when you look at what each of us has to put up with.

Love
Catherine

:)

Quote from: alabamagirl on January 23, 2014, 11:25:20 AM
Haha... I remember when I first came out to my cousin, she told me "Why would you want to be a girl? It sucks. We have to deal with having periods every month."

I'm not sure how I feel about that particular aspect of it... Part of me feels like I would be thrilled to experience something so exclusive to cis girls, and the other part thinks not experiencing it is one of the rare perks of being trans.

I had nearly a similar conversation with a good friend of mine. She was the first person I came out to, and she's always been incredibly supportive, and my go-to for weird "girl questions".. One night she had really bad cramps and she turned to me and said "You're never gonna have to deal with this are you? Like, no cramps, no bleeding, nothing?" and I smiled at her and said "Nope! Yay me!"

But, at the same time, I would be thrilled if I did. Likewise I don't know if I would ever want to be a mother. But, at the same time, I would like to have a child one day.

If it were medically possible, I'd offer up my lightly used penis in trade for a likewise lightly used vagina/uterus any day.  ;D

Quote from: missadventure on January 28, 2014, 02:34:45 PM
I had nearly a similar conversation with a good friend of mine. She was the first person I came out to, and she's always been incredibly supportive, and my go-to for weird "girl questions".. One night she had really bad cramps and she turned to me and said "You're never gonna have to deal with this are you? Like, no cramps, no bleeding, nothing?" and I smiled at her and said "Nope! Yay me!"

But, at the same time, I would be thrilled if I did. Likewise I don't know if I would ever want to be a mother. But, at the same time, I would like to have a child one day.

If it were medically possible, I'd offer up my lightly used penis in trade for a likewise lightly used vagina/uterus any day.  ;D

I'd definitely trade!

Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 28, 2014, 03:19:16 PM
I'd definitely trade!

Alright! Now we just need to find a doctor who can actually do it!  ;D

Quote from: missadventure on January 28, 2014, 04:14:10 PM
Alright! Now we just need to find a doctor who can actually do it!  ;D

If only.. :-\

My bottom dysphoria is really bad today.

I was watching this movie, and there was a partially nude scene in it. Really whenever I watch a scene like that and see a dude, it triggers my dysphoria.

as missadventure hinted at, my fantasies also sometimes involve periods, impregnation, delivering and breastfeeding. to always want what we don't have. no wisdom for mankind. i suppose the grass will always be greener on the other side...

cant wait for periods to end....on another note, i guess it depends with my bottom half, I use to be like that, I didnt want my girl to see it, touch it, even acknowledge it, I was like I'll just pleasure you, but guess it depends on the partner, she could of gave two ->-bleeped-<-s that i was missing a penis, needless to say, when i got over the fact im missing a penis and accepted what i do have, sex is great, I always touched myself, I'm like a dude, I dont get whats wrong with masturbation its good, I mean long as you dont call it a pussy, were good, and she doesnt, durin sex she refers to it like i have a penis

Quote from: Ryan55 on January 30, 2014, 07:36:49 AM
cant wait for periods to end....on another note, i guess it depends with my bottom half, I use to be like that, I didnt want my girl to see it, touch it, even acknowledge it, I was like I'll just pleasure you, but guess it depends on the partner, she could of gave two ->-bleeped-<-s that i was missing a penis, needless to say, when i got over the fact im missing a penis and accepted what i do have, sex is great, I always touched myself, I'm like a dude, I dont get whats wrong with masturbation its good, I mean long as you dont call it a pussy, were good, and she doesnt, durin sex she refers to it like i have a penis

That's a good girlfriend you have there. It's important that our partners understand our needs and desires, and it sounds like you have a keeper there. You're a lucky man indeed :)

Yup, I hate my downstairs department as well. In my opinion, and I'm sure our MtF sisters will quite disagree, girls got the short end of the stick when it comes to genitals. Who would want a vague hole hidden somewhere, that leaks at times and has flaps around it? It's disgusting!

QuoteI was watching this movie, and there was a partially nude scene in it. Really whenever I watch a scene like that and see a dude, it triggers my dysphoria.

Now this hits home. It is exactly my problem. See, I'm gay so I really do not enjoy seeing female parts. But I'm also a guy, so porn is nice at times. So I'd like to watch gay porn. But whenever I try, I get too dysphoric because there's two fully functioning guys in there. Argh! Can't do it right.

Quote from: Mr.X on January 31, 2014, 04:28:28 AM
Yup, I hate my downstairs department as well. In my opinion, and I'm sure our MtF sisters will quite disagree, girls got the short end of the stick when it comes to genitals. Who would want a vague hole hidden somewhere, that leaks at times and has flaps around it? It's disgusting!

Now this hits home. It is exactly my problem. See, I'm gay so I really do not enjoy seeing female parts. But I'm also a guy, so porn is nice at times. So I'd like to watch gay porn. But whenever I try, I get too dysphoric because there's two fully functioning guys in there. Argh! Can't do it right.

I agree. I have always thought a penis is much better than a vagina. One good thing is that it doesn't leak blood every month.

Yes, it always bothers me seeing a cis guy nude. A guy that was born a male and doesn't have to worry about having surgery to get a penis. I've seen impressive results from some operations but still, us FTMs who choose to have surgery still will not have a fully functioning penis like cis males do. That is why I cannot watch porn.

Quote from: Mr.X on January 31, 2014, 04:28:28 AM
Yup, I hate my downstairs department as well. In my opinion, and I'm sure our MtF sisters will quite disagree, girls got the short end of the stick when it comes to genitals. Who would want a vague hole hidden somewhere, that leaks at times and has flaps around it? It's disgusting!

Now this hits home. It is exactly my problem. See, I'm gay so I really do not enjoy seeing female parts. But I'm also a guy, so porn is nice at times. So I'd like to watch gay porn. But whenever I try, I get too dysphoric because there's two fully functioning guys in there. Argh! Can't do it right.

well, honestly having the thing hanging from in between my legs is most unwanted. It been most unwanted since consciousness awakened in me. Since starting HRT my mind has made it so much easier for me to envision my true self and it's so much better. Tales from the other side.

Quote from: stephaniec on January 31, 2014, 08:18:49 PM
well, honestly having the thing hanging from in between my legs is most unwanted. It been most unwanted since consciousness awakened in me. Since starting HRT my mind has made it so much easier for me to envision my true self and it's so much better. Tales from the other side.

The hole with two flaps around it between my legs is most unwanted. :/ I can't wait until I start T and can feel more comfortable. My bottom dysphoria won't go away though until I have my phalloplasty done.

yea the surgery is really the only way to help

I wouldn't trade you any other way. To me your a man, my soon to be husband. I don't care what you have down stairs. Unconditional love isn't about a penis or a vagina it is about what is inside and the connection you have with someone. We have that bond.. through thick and thin.. I love mocha.. don't get me wrong.. but I kind of like the fact you don't have a penis.. then I can pick what size... color.. and the speed I want to play with at the time.. I think I'm much more lucky then I ever have been in the past now that I'm with you!

Quote from: Ryan55 on January 30, 2014, 07:36:49 AM
cant wait for periods to end....on another note, i guess it depends with my bottom half, I use to be like that, I didnt want my girl to see it, touch it, even acknowledge it, I was like I'll just pleasure you, but guess it depends on the partner, she could of gave two ->-bleeped-<-s that i was missing a penis, needless to say, when i got over the fact im missing a penis and accepted what i do have, sex is great, I always touched myself, I'm like a dude, I dont get whats wrong with masturbation its good, I mean long as you dont call it a pussy, were good, and she doesnt, durin sex she refers to it like i have a penis

Quote from: linny55 on January 31, 2014, 09:14:43 PM
I wouldn't trade you any other way. To me your a man, my soon to be husband. I don't care what you have down stairs. Unconditional love isn't about a penis or a vagina it is about what is inside and the connection you have with someone. We have that bond.. through thick and thin.. I love mocha.. don't get me wrong.. but I kind of like the fact you don't have a penis.. then I can pick what size... color.. and the speed I want to play with at the time.. I think I'm much more lucky then I ever have been in the past now that I'm with you!

That's beautiful. :)

I often hear repeated here (and I agree) that gender is a spectrum. I just thought it might be food for thought to remind folks that there are guys out there, I won't call them cis because they clearly aren't, who are dysphoric to varying degrees about their traditional male genitals, but they continue to identify as male and want to continue being male-bodied. They can range from just frequently fantasizing about having a vagina but being okay as they are (low dysphoria) to feeling miserable and like they can't be happy until they get bottom surgery (high dysphoria). The Internet is making it possible for them to speak up with some degree of privacy and they seem to be getting more visible. Most I've heard of seem to be gay and so having a vagina could just fit with the kind of sex they would like to have. Then again, it might just seem that way to me because I'm gay myself and so I spend more time on sites for gay men and so hear of gay experiences. I haven't experienced women expressing something similar but I imagine they must exist. Maybe that's even more taboo right now.

Sadly, the current climate that sees gender as being strictly binary, it may be a long time before they're taken seriously. They are just labeled as having some kind of mental disorder and have a harder time than most trans people trying to get help for their dysphoria. Some post-transition FTMs are probably pretty close to their personal physical ideal--how they perceive themselves inside.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 23, 2014, 10:58:52 AM
MTFs are lucky they don't have to go through this.. lol.

I realize this is a little late to comment, but I would definitely trade the fact I don't have periods for being a cisgendered female. A lot of women irl like to make period commentary at me, and it always frustrates me to no end; they don't realize what it means NOT to have a period. I realize this is totally different for FtMs, and all of you guys have my utmost sympathy for having to deal with something so painful that you have no stake in at all, but it isn't a turn of luck for MtFs that we don't have periods. The fact we don't have periods concurrently denies us of much more.

I really don't have bottom dysphoria, anymore. I used to, especially when people would talk about it, but it is what it is. I have a penis, XY chromosomes, etc. It's just, whatever. The people who would care about that won't ever see it, they just see a girl when they look at me.

Im probably non op, despite how good the surgery is suppised to be. The only time I feel like I want one is because I just think guys would like it better, and it would be easier, but so many don't care and what I have is good enough. Like I said I am who I am

Also, I just want to add one more thing, I think the reason FtMs are so bottom dysphoric is because of society. Like women are so fetishized, a chick with a dick is something exotic so in a twisted way its more acceptable for a girl to have a penis.

But then with guys, there's such an obsession with masculinity and what is the symbol of masculinity? The schwanzstucker. Guys feel like they are lesser men if its small, let alone absent, so obviously FtMs will struggle more over genitals.

But. You shouldn't give into society. If you feel like a man, what's between your legs shouldn't make you feel like less of one. Everybodys different. What matter isn't being perfect...you really you don't have to BE ANYthing. All you have to do is embody what you feel inside. There's no such thing as being not enough or less than when you're not aspiring to be anything but YOU.

Quote from: jussmoi4nao on February 14, 2014, 02:32:38 PM
Also, I just want to add one more thing, I think the reason FtMs are so bottom dysphoric is because of society. Like women are so fetishized, a chick with a dick is something exotic so in a twisted way its more acceptable for a girl to have a penis.

But then with guys, there's such an obsession with masculinity and what is the symbol of masculinity? The schwanzstucker. Guys feel like they are lesser men if its small, let alone absent, so obviously FtMs will struggle more over genitals.

But. You shouldn't give into society. If you feel like a man, what's between your legs shouldn't make you feel like less of one. Everybodys different. What matter isn't being perfect...you really you don't have to BE ANYthing. All you have to do is embody what you feel inside. There's no such thing as being not enough or less than when you're not aspiring to be anything but YOU.

Great post. :)

I've never looked at it that way before. I knew that there was a lot more '->-bleeped-<-' porn than I don't know what you'd call it.. FTM porn. All I know of is Buck Angel who is a transmale pornstar who has not had bottom surgery.

I still really want to have a phalloplasty just because I would like to have a penis but I know it is not necessary to have bottom surgery to be a man.

Quote from: Sybil on February 14, 2014, 02:08:52 PM
I realize this is a little late to comment, but I would definitely trade the fact I don't have periods for being a cisgendered female. A lot of women irl like to make period commentary at me, and it always frustrates me to no end; they don't realize what it means NOT to have a period. I realize this is totally different for FtMs, and all of you guys have my utmost sympathy for having to deal with something so painful that you have no stake in at all, but it isn't a turn of luck for MtFs that we don't have periods. The fact we don't have periods concurrently denies us of much more.

Reminds me of something an MtF reminded me once, if us FtMs are dysphoric about something, the MtFs are probably dysphoric in the opposite way.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 14, 2014, 03:11:14 PM
Great post. :)

I've never looked at it that way before. I knew that there was a lot more '->-bleeped-<-' porn than I don't know what you'd call it.. FTM porn. All I know of is Buck Angel who is a transmale pornstar who has not had bottom surgery.

I still really want to have a phalloplasty just because I would like to have a penis but I know it is not necessary to have bottom surgery to be a man.

Yeah there's a huge market for exotic women in porn, so MtFs do well. Sheeit, I've even considered being a camgirl when money has been tight. But when it comes to men, there's less of a place cause it's pretty much all about the D..there's still niches like bear, twink, etc, but it's aall about the D.

Not a cool world. I get why you want a penis tho. Just make sure its for the right reasons! And for what its worth you are already a very good looking guy

Quote from: jussmoi4nao on February 14, 2014, 03:50:16 PM
Yeah there's a huge market for exotic women in porn, so MtFs do well. Sheeit, I've even considered being a camgirl when money has been tight. But when it comes to men, there's less of a place cause it's pretty much all about the D..there's still niches like bear, twink, etc, but it's aall about the D.

Not a cool world. I get why you want a penis tho. Just make sure its for the right reasons! And for what its worth you are already a very good looking guy

Like I said before in this thread, I don't watch porn much because it makes me dysphoric seeing a good looking guy with a perfectly functioning penis like how I want to look. I'm just an ugly guy who's stuck with breasts and a vagina that I have no use for. I don't care for them at all, and if I could I'd give them to a MTF who wants them lol.

I want a penis just because I've always wanted one. I think they're a lot better than vaginas plus like you said I want to please my future partner(s). I'm afraid a girl or guy wouldn't want to get in bed with me because I don't have what what most men have. I don't care if it's small or whatever as long as it looks similar to a cisguy's penis.

Quote from: alabamagirl on February 14, 2014, 04:31:21 PM
Just a couple things...

1) I think you're extremely handsome.

and

2) You don't need a penis to please someone in bed. Not if they're really interested in you, vs. just your genitals. There are endless ways to do that. Be creative and have fun finding them. There's so much more to making love than just 'penis goes into vagina'. ;)

Thanks, but I don't think so. I may look moderately good in my profile picture but in real life, I look awful.
Yeah, that's true but it'd be nice to have a penis to use during intercourse, if I don't have a sexual prosthetic at that time.

I hate my lower parts, and my dysphoria just gets worse and worse. On the other hand, I'm terrified to have anyone monkeying around down there and cutting me up. It's miles more scary than top surgery.

Quote from: alabamagirl on February 14, 2014, 04:57:14 PM
I have never seen a single picture you've posted where you didn't look good, Calder. Well, except for the one you posted in girl clothes. Those just looked weird on you.

Well, thanks again. :) Yeah, I look weird in girl mode.