Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This may be a stupid question but I was thinking today as I go out more dressed as me, which toilet do I use if I am in town? I feel I could not use a male one as this would be a little dangerous, I think, but then I think that could apply to a female loo too. I am pre-op

hugs and kisses

Nigella

What I did in early transition was go to a gas station and ask for the washroom key and go to whichever one they handed me.

Can't remember if they lock the loos at petrol stations in the UK though, so that might not be helpful. But do try and look for single person bathrooms. That'll take a fair bit of stress off.

Dennis

If you're presenting as female, use the women's room. Based on your avatar pic, I think it'd be risky to use the men's room. Or find a single person room if available.

zythyra

Zythyra and Dennis, thanks,

I thought it would be dangerous if I used the men's room. Not many single loos in UK mostly when you are out they are either separate male or female communal loos.

I suppose I will have to just go for it whenever I need to use a loo. Just didn't know if there were any legal stuff that could get me in trouble.  Did think about asking the doc for a covering letter.

hugs and kisses

Nigella

Hi Nigella,

I would get a Docs or Phsychiatrists letter, It always help to carry one.

It is a public order offence for a man to use female toilets, but pre-op TS (and I did) should have no problems using the Ladies.

You only have a problem if someone actually complains to the police.

Just dont do what one of my friends did ... she stood up to pee and gave herself away.

Buffy

I stopped using the mens room when I started scaring the men out of it.

Buffy, Lisbeth you made me laugh, :D

I guess I will ask for a covering letter just in case.

Thanks for helping me through my thought's

hugs and kisses

Nigella

If I had to, I would use the female restroom, but I have not used a public restroom in about 6 years.  Hate the places, I think they are filthy (I'm a tad OCD about germs).

I always think that mens or womens as I need the toliet about 60 million times a day. However I have get gone into the mens as I feel to un-confident to go in there and I normally use the womens when are no women in there however I got caught the other week going into the ladies in the cinema and she looked at me very strangely. However I was bursting and didn't perticually care....

You're a lady now, dear.  Use the ladies room.  I haven't seen the inside of a men's room in a very long time.

Bev

Judging by your pickie, I'd say the women's.

Thanks girls,

I thought the ladies should be the right choice, just didn't want to get in some kind of trouble. I will ask for a covering letter though. Just wanted to run my thought's on this past others who have been there and got the tea shirt (ladies top), lol.

Hugs and kisses

Nigella

Quote from: Nigella on July 10, 2007, 01:41:20 PM
Buffy, Lisbeth you made me laugh, :D

Made you laugh?  You should have heard the noises they made when they saw me!  Can you say "startled?"  And the looks on their faces when I came out!  Shear terror!  LOL!  That's when I decided I had to stop going in there.

Having had a couple of very uncomfortable moments in ladies' rooms recently, and partly inspired by Melissa's post about pushing your comfort zone, I decided to take the plunge and use the mens' today, and so while I was out and about in the course of the day I used three  different ones, and didn't feel any sense that anyone noticed or cared.  I think I'll still prefer unisex or single use ones for awhile, but after today I don't think I'll hesitate to use any one if the need arises and it's the only one available.  I'm glad I got through that mental barrier.  Feels good.

wow Rob, that's awesome.  Did you use a urinal?

You know Going to the women's room is scary the first few times, but after a while it's just no big deal.  LOL or Men's room in the case of Rob.

Relax and enjoy the woman you are.

Beni

Quote from: J.T. on July 11, 2007, 11:28:51 PM
wow Rob, that's awesome.  Did you use a urinal?

No, I used a stall, and will probably continue to do so indefinitely.  Haven't yet mastered any ways of standing up to pee, even well enough to do it at home.  Still working on that.  One small  step at a time.   :)

safe bet is also the disabled loo. most places hand the key over without comment...

Quote from: Rachael on July 20, 2007, 04:26:02 AM
safe bet is also the disabled loo. most places hand the key over without comment...

Thats what I am trying to do at the moment... well at least until i get my man-go!

Quote from: Rachael on July 20, 2007, 04:26:02 AM
safe bet is also the disabled loo. most places hand the key over without comment...

Last year I set up a meeting to discuss a video project we're doing on transgender people in the church.  We were going to meet at a Bruger's in Minneapolis.  When I got there I found a sign on the restroom door that said, "You must present an ID to receive the restroom key."  As soon as everyone showed up, we moved the meeting.

Posted on: July 20, 2007, 12:20:56 PM

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Quote from: Beni on July 11, 2007, 11:47:42 PM
You know Going to the women's room is scary the first few times, but after a while it's just no big deal.  LOL or Men's room in the case of Rob.

Speaking of scary, back in the days when I was part-time, I would go to church every Sunday as Lisbeth and would stop in a local gas station to get a cup of coffee and fill up if needed.  I started to worry about what would happen when I had to go to the bathroom there.  After all it was my neighborhood, and I didn't pass very well.  So finally one morning when I needed to go, I screwed up my courage and headed for the restrooms.  Heart pounding I walked behind the display racks and got there.  And it was a unisex bathroom.

god, all these disabled conartists... fakeing disabilites n stuffs good job they check thier id ::)

I transitioned very slowly.  When I got funny looks I knew it was time to use the ladies room.  That's also when I decided to go full time.

So, funny one time I went into the female bathroom and this lady keep looking at me funny. I couldn't believe it. I think at that time I was not even on shoot, but did find out my hormone was male.
Anyway I walk out the door really quickly. After that I don't go to public bathroom as much.

Quote from: Kat on July 10, 2007, 01:51:50 PM
If I had to, I would use the female restroom, but I have not used a public restroom in about 6 years.  Hate the places, I think they are filthy (I'm a tad OCD about germs).

I don't understand--what do you do when you're out somewhere? How do you hold it? What about the times it becomes impossible to hold it? (I know I couldn't) Or do you just not go out anywhere?

i dont know how these folk manage, 7 months on hrt and i go every half hour, or need to.... (spiro ftl)

R :police:

Quote from: Hypatia on September 01, 2007, 02:24:49 PM
I don't understand--what do you do when you're out somewhere? How do you hold it? What about the times it becomes impossible to hold it? (I know I couldn't) Or do you just not go out anywhere?

LOL, aside from a recent wedding, I've managed to avoid public restrooms for six months or so now. I absolutely cannot enter a men's room at this point - there's NO question about that, lol. But I'm not quite 100% sure I won't be read in a women's room, so I've been avoiding it as long as I can (while I feminize a bit more).

I just make sure I go before I leave for anywhere. It's rare to be away from a private bathroom for more than a few hours.

I'd like to visit my parents at some point though, if they'll see me - but it's a five-hour drive. So I'm gonna have to risk the women's room by that point.

~Kate~

I think your own confidence has a lot to do with it.  The first time I went out in public I used the women's rooms.  The first time standing in one was a defining moment for me.  Yes, it's kinda scary at first, but some of the most interesting things in the world happen in women's rooms.  Just don't slink and try to avoid eye contact with everyone.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Quote from: Kate on September 01, 2007, 06:57:44 PM
LOL, aside from a recent wedding, I've managed to avoid public restrooms for six months or so now. I absolutely cannot enter a men's room at this point - there's NO question about that, lol. But I'm not quite 100% sure I won't be read in a women's room, so I've been avoiding it as long as I can (while I feminize a bit more).

I just make sure I go before I leave for anywhere. It's rare to be away from a private bathroom for more than a few hours.

I'd like to visit my parents at some point though, if they'll see me - but it's a five-hour drive. So I'm gonna have to risk the women's room by that point.

Kate, honey, you pass better than me and I've been using women's rooms everywhere I go. I swear I have never had the least difficulty. The only time when matters were less than perfect was when I went with a girlfriend to a concert on a university campus. We went to the women's room in the arts center before the show and before leaving I stood in front of the mirror and took some extra time fixing my hair. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that a young woman, who I guessed was a student, was staring at me. I figured that meant I'd been clocked. Well anyway I've never been directly challenged.

Those of us who have jobs outside of the home really have no choice but to use the women's room at some point. I don't know if it's possible for anyone to hold it for 8+ hours, and even if it were possible, it would be harmful to the body to hold it for too long.

Like you, Kate, I've resolved that I will never use a men's room again. Now that I've finally developed some passing ability, I don't have to--and what a relief! I just always look my best and carry myself in a way that says "I am a woman, of course I belong here, where else? duh"

Last year, I was driving on a long trip across several states and I went to the women's rooms consistently. I never had the least problem. You can do it.

Kristi's point about eye contact is so important. Always make eye contact and smile. That's what I call "blending" - the active aspect of passing - follow the ethology of women's behavior and you'll fit in.

i couldnt use the mens again, nevermind wont.... i just dont look like a guy enough to get in :P
R :police:

Hi all again,

I have been busy for a while so have not been at Susan's for a bit. I can not hold my bladder for more than an hour so not going is not a solution for me. Great posts and helpful ladies and gents. Still to pluck up the courage though when I am out, lol.

hugs Nigella

Quote from: Hypatia on September 01, 2007, 11:46:03 PM
Kristi's point about eye contact is so important. Always make eye contact and smile. That's what I call "blending" - the active aspect of passing - follow the ethology of women's behavior and you'll fit in.

This is really interesting. I know that in the mens room it is a bit of a no no to look anyone else in the eye or talk to a stranger (though if you are with friends you might, or gay men are more likely to talk to you.) Sounds like if you behaved this way in the ladies you would stand out.

At work I make some of the guys uncomfortable, when they walk in and I'm there putting on my hoop earings, pinning up my hair. They walk in and you can see them looking worried and wondering if they are in the wrong place and sometimes they just wash their hands and walk out without doing anything else  ;D

I've been using the ladies room exclusively since I started presenting s female.  Never mind passing 100%.  You're female, so go where females are expected to go.  It's a different world, usually social in some small ways....smiles, hellos, eye rolls, sighs, etc.......the unspoken language we learn as we become socialized as women.
I guess I must be passing okay....have not been challenged, have only been treated as another woman, and have been hit on by other women twice in the last month!....lol. 

Fear no more, young lady, go forth and claim your right to pee.

Bev

Quote from: Kristi on September 01, 2007, 10:14:14 PM
I think your own confidence has a lot to do with it.  The first time I went out in public I used the women's rooms.  The first time standing in one was a defining moment for me.  Yes, it's kinda scary at first, but some of the most interesting things in the world happen in women's rooms.  Just don't slink and try to avoid eye contact with everyone.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

yeah, like that women stink as much as men with no. 2

Quote from: Candi Nahasapeemapetilon on September 03, 2007, 09:49:22 PM
yeah, like that women stink as much as men with no. 2

LOL!!!!
Ummm, perhaps worse.  But men tease each other and make a joke of it.  Women seem to try to ignore it and somehow pretend everything smells like roses.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Quote from: Kristi on September 03, 2007, 10:52:23 PM
LOL!!!!
Ummm, perhaps worse.  But men tease each other and make a joke of it.  Women seem to try to ignore it and somehow pretend everything smells like roses.

haha, that just like my wife says "My farts smell like roses"   :icon_omfg:

I really like the homer simpson method of turning up the radio so nobody notices you cut one..

Sorry to get of the topic of who smells worse, but I use to hold it till I found a place I feel comfortable with. That was a while ago cuz I can't hold it anymore on Spiro, I'm going every 5mins so I had to learn to go to the Ladies withought hesitation. Since grade 9, on and off people would tell me when I went to the men's that I was in the wrong washroom, this is all prior to transitioning. I did'nt look the part from the front though and most men would turn red as soon as I turned around. Last time I went to the men's washroom was at the Eaton Center it was early in my transition and prior to hrt, I thought I looked bad and would have issues in the womens washroom. I went to the men's and every guy there turned around and stared at me till one guy said "your in the wrong washroom miss" I said "I know" but I went to a stall anyway cuz I had to pee sooo bad. And unlike in the past they saw all of me not just the back, I don't thing the men's washroom is a place for me, since this incident I have always used the women's washroom. No one but a few people have ever looked at me twice in the ladies room, and in answer to you question you should use the washroom that you feel comfortable with and is correct to your gender identity. ::)