Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello,

I have been lurking for awhile as I became more comfortable sharing with you all. From all the posts that I read, I find this forum to be supportive and so very therapeutic for me as a MtF transgender woman. I recently came out to my therapist and we are working together to build the courage to come out to my family. I am in the process of joining a Trans* support group here in Toronto, and look forward to meeting others like myself.

I have read many of the narratives and feel a real connection to them on a very deep personal and intuitive level. I will be 40 soon and late in coming out but I am unable to bare the shackles of confinement that contribute to my own closeted unhappiness any longer.

I guess I should share a bit of my history with you. I have felt different since I was about 4 years old, when I first expressed myself as I truly felt. At the time it was not well received by my parents, my father in particular, and that experience taught me to follow the prescribed binary path publicly, but I soon learned to express my true self privately. I can recall the first time I sneaked into my mothers closet and immediately felt a total sense of serenity washing over me. For the first time, as fleeting as it was, I felt a wholeness about me. I had learned to compartmentalize my private life from the public persona. That did not work out too well, as I was an awkward, lonely teenager, an  overly shy loner with bouts of anxiety and depression. Of course, like everything else,  I learned to suffer in private. Eventually I wanted to do something about it, and at 19 I was determined to come out and transition. Without the benefit of internet support or knowledge of where to look, I failed in finding an appropriate psychologist that understood or was able to support me. I decided I needed to move on temporarily with a promise to myself to try again.

Life started to get busy with College and then my life moved on to my career, which was/is wildly successful. Of course, I continued to feel the angst and depression which merely added to feelings of being disconnected and going through the motions of life without ever feeling satiated or happy. My temporary wait lasted 20 years, and now here I am.

With the support of my therapist specializing in trans* issues, and the new outlook I have, I can viscerally feel the  beauty in rainbows and the warmth from the golden rays of sunshine for the very first time. I cannot tell you how hopeful and happy I feel about my new journey and look forward to participating and more importantly learn here with you all.

Hi Ana!  A warm welcome from sunny southern California  :)

40 is not late!  The average age of MtF transitioners is about 40.

We have scads of Canadians on the Forum.  They can help you navigate the Canadian health care hoops.

Here are some links that will help you around the site:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
  

Glad to have you here!

A big warm welcome to the forum from Montreal.

You will find so much information here to help you in walking your path. I am glad you have a therapist that you are working with. As we all know here in the great white north the health care system can be slooowwwww sometimes.

Good luck on your path forward and anytime you have questions just ask anyone. There is always someone around that can help.

Isabell

Thank you Jamie and Isabell for the kind and warm welcome. The weather in Toronto has been very cold so any warmth is a precious gift.

Yes Isabell our healthcare system is indeed very slow but hopefully not painfully so. It's so nice to hear from another Canadian though !  8-)

Welcome Ana, this site has tons of helpful info and ppl. Hope it helps answer some questions you have.

thank you Lidia for your welcome. I love your avatar btw. :)

Thank you Gina,

Thank you for the warm welcome, and love the fonts and colours in your reply. I didn't intuitively realise I could make those changes.

Regards

Ana   :)

yay !

Ana!
Big welcome from Middlesex County! (401, 2 hrs west, less if you drive like Bieber)
This is a wonderful spot to hear and be heard. Even though I have had superb professional help for years, I have found my time here, reading, writing, absorbing, to be well spent. Great bunch here, Ana. Lots of thought provoking discussion, heart rending and heart mending stories.

Thank you EllieM, Nice to hear from someone so close to home. I love what you wrote and its all sooooo true.  A big thank you for the warm welcome. :) :)

Hey... just thought of something  :D I live in MiddleSex county :laugh:

"middlesex"...now that is too funny.  :)
Do you plan on moving to eithersex county anytime soon ?  ;)

Ha!  MiddleSex County is perfect for the androgynes here.

Hi ana,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Your life's story is so common, you should feel completely at ease with it. Good to hear you are handling it so well. Keep in touch.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Welcome Ana,

I am new here myself. Do not be discouraged that you are transitioning at 40, you have so much of your life ahead of you, coming from someone in his latter 50's. My best wishes to you in your journey :)

Dan

42 here Ana, just started transitioning 1 year ago and only 6 months on hormones. Just started presenting full time this month and it has been the most liberating and fulfilling step of my life besides my marriage to my incredible wife. 40 is not too late (as many others stated) to spend the rest of your life fulfilled and at peace with yourself.

Thank you so much Catherine  for your kind words. I do feel safe and at home here.

Dan, thank you for your encouragement, it really helps me to face the future with confidence.

Quote40 is not too late (as many others stated) to spend the rest of your life fulfilled and at peace with yourself.

Oh gosh oh Hai, this statement resonates with me to my core. Thank you.

  Hmmm, missed this earlier.  Welcome from a fellow Torontonian!

Thank you Violet. Woot , another Torontonian yay !
:)