Community Conversation => Significant Others talk => Topic started by: GuyVulpin on February 01, 2014, 05:53:29 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Greetings to all!
Post by: GuyVulpin on February 01, 2014, 05:53:29 PM
Post by: GuyVulpin on February 01, 2014, 05:53:29 PM
Hello to those who read this. I'm new here and I don't quite know where to start off but with a greeting, a little backstory, and an issue I'm working through.
My husband came out as trans (FtM) a little under a year ago, and when he told me my first response was limitless support. I've been aware of the trans community for a long time, though in the way one is aware of a landmark they casually notice on a familiar walk; so my approach was to dive right in and learn by going to the local LGBT center and interacting with the trans community there. Open to new information and smashing old perceptions caused by misinformation I learned what I could. I'll be honest, I'm not the perfect supporter, I misstep from time to time, but correct my mistakes and move on. The mistake that I notice now is not communicating with significant others and allies. I had the idea that because I have a positive attitude of constant support and 'learned from the source' that that's all I need. However I know little from this side of things aside from my own experiences. So here I am to learn and to lend what words I can.
My biggest concern is what the state of our marriage will be once the gender markers start changing. I'm a member of the military and though 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' is dead there is still a long way to for gay marriage rights, I don't want him losing spouse benefits for being him. Looking into the matter myself our marriage in Texas will mean he will still be female on the certificate because according to the state laws there your birth sex and gender are inseparable, so that may mean the military could see our relationship as male and female. I'm setting up appointments with the base legal offices to hammer those details out. I'm not too thrilled about wadding through that legal quagmire...
My husband came out as trans (FtM) a little under a year ago, and when he told me my first response was limitless support. I've been aware of the trans community for a long time, though in the way one is aware of a landmark they casually notice on a familiar walk; so my approach was to dive right in and learn by going to the local LGBT center and interacting with the trans community there. Open to new information and smashing old perceptions caused by misinformation I learned what I could. I'll be honest, I'm not the perfect supporter, I misstep from time to time, but correct my mistakes and move on. The mistake that I notice now is not communicating with significant others and allies. I had the idea that because I have a positive attitude of constant support and 'learned from the source' that that's all I need. However I know little from this side of things aside from my own experiences. So here I am to learn and to lend what words I can.
My biggest concern is what the state of our marriage will be once the gender markers start changing. I'm a member of the military and though 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' is dead there is still a long way to for gay marriage rights, I don't want him losing spouse benefits for being him. Looking into the matter myself our marriage in Texas will mean he will still be female on the certificate because according to the state laws there your birth sex and gender are inseparable, so that may mean the military could see our relationship as male and female. I'm setting up appointments with the base legal offices to hammer those details out. I'm not too thrilled about wadding through that legal quagmire...
Title: Re: Greetings to all!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on February 01, 2014, 06:20:54 PM
Post by: Jessica Merriman on February 01, 2014, 06:20:54 PM
A big warm welcome to the family! Growing up at Tinker Air Force Base I totally understand about the military situation. I think you will find just about everything you need to know here. We have quite the military represented here under the topic "Roll Call". You might find some excellent resources with those there. This is a very safe place and our moderators do a fantastic job with protecting us from the rabid vermin that can be out there in the world. You are among family now so relax, feel at home and dig in. Feel free to rant, vent, question or ask opinions. It will not be long until you see just what a special place this is. Here is a BIG HUG ( :icon_hug: :icon_hug:) for both you and your husband to start things off right. :)