Susan's Place Transgender Resources

for me if a guy says they have been with a transgender no matter how nice they are or hot its always a deal breaker and idk why cause wen they tell me they been with a transgender i get this sick feeling in my stomach. I guess it could be cause i see other transgenders as competition and i don't want to feel like i have to look better than the other transgender and stuff like that.

I would be put off if someone told me they'd dated trans people before. I mean, we make up such a small percentage of the population - what is the chances of someone meeting and liking two trans people, unless they were hugely involved in the community? I'd perceive it as they had a preference for trans people and wonder if there was some fetishization going on.

Not at all. I would feel comfortable with dating him knowing he has no problem with transgender women.

Why do you see other trans girls as competition? That sounds silly to me, it's not like we're trans for the purpose of catching men. 

Quote from: Acodé on February 06, 2014, 06:24:25 PM
Not at all. I would feel comfortable with dating him knowing he has no problem with transgender women.

Why do you see other trans girls as competition? That sounds silly to me, it's not like we're trans for the purpose of catching men.

its not just with men. its everything. looks, body, etc... etc...

Quote from: birkin on February 06, 2014, 06:20:48 PM
I would be put off if someone told me they'd dated trans people before. I mean, we make up such a small percentage of the population - what is the chances of someone meeting and liking two trans people, unless they were hugely involved in the community? I'd perceive it as they had a preference for trans people and wonder if there was some fetishization going on.

I'd be a little concerned my self just in the fact there is only 700000 of us in the US.

Then perhaps it's time to start dating monks and priests...wait, forget the priests. You can catch an STD. Yea, I think the odds of a previous trans relationship would be weird. Trans-->-bleeped-<- comes to mind.

the guy im talking to didn't know I was transgender till I told him. hes never been in a relationship wit one... only sex, but that still puts me off.

Edit: more than one transgender aswell. I told him idk how confortable im going to be about it to never bring it up ever again and that if he says one thing bout another transgender that ill never speak to him again.

I'm not sure, I guess it would just depend on his individual circumstances.


Is he just trying to get his rocks off? ->-bleeped-<-.
Does he only date trans? ->-bleeped-<-.
Is he a normal guy who's okay with dating (see: in it for more than sex) transwomen as well as ciswomen? Sure if enough things are in common.

-AM

I wouldnt mind if he was a good guy

The odds of someone ever coming across one transwoman to date are pretty slim.

The odds of someone randomly coming across two are infinitessimal.

The odds that someone who has dated more than one transwoman is a creep... well, I'd bank on that.

Be careful out there.

Quote from: Jill F on February 06, 2014, 07:29:32 PM
The odds of someone ever coming across one transwoman to date are pretty slim.

The odds of someone randomly coming across two are infinitessimal.

The odds that someone who has dated more than one transwoman is a creep... well, I'd bank on that.

Be careful out there.

Oh I think that can be changed by a degree of factors.

Sure, in say Kansas, there's not going to be a lot of transwomen at your local pub, but if you live in say, oh I don't know, Trinidad CO, the odds are a little higher.

Large cities are going to increase your odds.  Specific bars or clubs. etc.

-AM

he lives in bush louisiana which is a very redneck place and he hangsout with a lot of guys that use to make fun of me in school and those guys know who I am. he says they wont bother me if im around him, but idk. I think he met those other transgenders on bourbon street

I can't say that I would be out off if I knew he had dated other trans girls before? Why should I be out off by it? Kinda feel like theirs some secret about it I don't know

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 06, 2014, 07:38:24 PM
he lives in bush louisiana which is a very redneck place and he hangsout with a lot of guys that use to make fun of me in school and those guys know who I am. he says they wont bother me if im around him, but idk. I think he met those other transgenders on bourbon street

The more you reveal about this situation the more I personally would be aware. Especially hanging out with people who use to taunt you.  Especially since you living as you are where before you were the same as them and they taunted you.

I think there's some obvious advantages in dating a man that has already been with a trans.  You don't have to have that awkward conversation for one.


-AM

I don't mean to sound alarmist . this could very well be just a case of a guy wanting to get to know you. then again given the circumstance there is the very remote possibility of the classic set up.

I don't think its a setup cause hes 31 and he has an 8 year old daughter and I doubt he would risk going to jail. Plus  I already told him that my mom wants to meet him wen he comes and picks me up and he said that that's fine.

 Idc. I just wanna feel loved.

Moderation.

We do not tolerate obscene language on this site.

ToS 11.

READ IT.

I shall ban for this.

im probably out of the norm on this one but this whole ->-bleeped-<- chasing fear or revusion or whatever is just annoying. its like being afraid to date someone with racial preferences outside the norm.

the whole redneck thing is what throws me for a loop.

i mean seriously. redneck white man who hangs out with redneck white men dates trans woman from the same hometown (based on what you said) and assures that 'they wont bother you'

that would terrify me

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 06, 2014, 06:16:02 PM
for me if a guy says they have been with a transgender no matter how nice they are or hot its always a deal breaker and idk why cause wen they tell me they been with a transgender i get this sick feeling in my stomach. I guess it could be cause i see other transgenders as competition and i don't want to feel like i have to look better than the other transgender and stuff like that.

Well first Angelique, I wouldn't worry too much about transgender or cis-girl competition, because you are incredibly pretty, prettier than almost anyone I see anywhere. As for me, I'm with someone who's never been with another transgender, because I didn't want to date any so called '->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s'. That's partly because the one boyfriend I ever had before this, when I was in my 20's to early 30's, was always with me when I was a woman, but I found out later he was strictly gay and had me around when he wanted business associates or acquaintances to think he was straight. Meanwhile he'd go up to San Francisco during the early days of AIDS every chance he got, never telling me anything about his gay bathhouse or glory hole experiences until after I broke it off. I never loved him, felt like an awfully lucky woman that I never got HIV from the creep, and very pissed because he looked at me as his pretty ornament and a guy in a dress, nothing more. And if he could do that to me, who knows what other TS girls he was with wherever he went. I met my SO on a dating site for all sorts of different people, but I let it be known in my profile that I didn't want a guy even touching me between my legs till I had a vagina and that I'd be having SRS as soon as I could afford it, which weeded out most of the guys I didn't want to date to begin with, any ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s. I consider myself a heterosexual woman and a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- definitely doesn't want someone like me. Angelique, I'd be careful. That whole thing with his friends sounds shady to me, despite the fact he has a child, and who knows what they've said about you? Really, be careful!

Quote from: Everly on February 07, 2014, 12:13:48 AM
im probably out of the norm on this one but this whole ->-bleeped-<- chasing fear or revusion or whatever is just annoying. its like being afraid to date someone with racial preferences outside the norm.

the whole redneck thing is what throws me for a loop.

i mean seriously. redneck white man who hangs out with redneck white men dates trans woman from the same hometown (based on what you said) and assures that 'they wont bother you'

that would terrify me

I agree, he may not bother you but his friends can be a different story. I could never dated a guy with redneck friends like that especially if they know i'm trans. Small town men are more closed minded to things like us.  Not to mention guys can be dicks and easily peer-pressured into doing things they never (normally) would do to prove their "manhood".

I can not wait for your next update on your transition, Angelique. I suspect most of your questions and issues would be solved over time, once you get started on HRT.

thanks for the compliment Miranda ,but by competition I don't just mean in looks. I also mean like I would want to perform better in bed than the other transgenders he's been wit, but rite now idk if I want to date him cause everytime I think of him thats all I think of is the other transgenders. ive only dated guys that have never been with one. I want to be a guys first transgender not his second third or fourth.

so. i think most of us assumed you were looking for advice. seems more like you were looking for confirmation that you were correct on one subject or another.

no offense.

Quote from: Everly on February 09, 2014, 10:31:34 AM
so. i think most of us assumed you were looking for advice. seems more like you were looking for confirmation that you were correct on one subject or another.

no offense.

I wasn't looking for advice. just looking for opinions.

It terms of probability, it might be higher than we imagine. My ex and are are both okcupid and are both very selective about the men we write back. She's been on there less than six months, has _talked_ to fewer than fifteen men, and has told only a small handful of them about the situation leading to our separation. The point is that in that short time, two of the around eight men or so she's told about me revealed that they had almost dated a transwoman they had met on OKcupid. Neither ended up doing so, but both had the opportunity and gave it consideration. It's wrong to extrapolate from this one random sample, but it's not unimaginable that it might happen that a man might encounter and like more than one transwoman without being having a particular preference for dating us.

I wouldn't mind. As long as he views me as female and understands who I am, then it wouldn't be an issue.  All that matters is that he treats/views me with respect and realizes that I am a woman.  I could care less about his past dating history if we have chemistry and he is nice.  Just my opinion. 

Quote from: Yasmine on February 09, 2014, 07:21:48 PM
Ya think? You don't think that they just tell you that?

why would they tell me they havnt been with one if they have? guys I talk to don't know I don't like guys that have been with another transgender till I tell them and I never tell them unless they say they have been with one already.

Because men think (or know) that women like to hear that they are the first of something that they've dated or the best something that they've dated.  Whether or not it's true.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 09, 2014, 03:43:47 PM
I wasn't looking for advice. just looking for opinions.

That one really made me think.

After some thought, I now realize that while not all opinions are advice, all advice is opinion.

This may sound bad but in my experience they don't care as much if your post op. Because like with most secrets it's just between you and him

Quote from: gowiththeflow on February 10, 2014, 08:37:24 AM
This may sound bad but in my experience they don't care as much if your post op. Because like with most secrets it's just between you and him

It's usually not 'a secret' between a cisman and a ciswoman...

Being post op just brings it to another level of 'secrecy'

Quote from: Yasmine on February 10, 2014, 06:15:58 AM
That.. And also, most men don't feel like having been with a transgender is something to be particularly proud of, afraid of being labeled as gay etc.. So they won't tell anyone. And yet, lots of men who have sex with pre-ops have (discrete) sex with feminine (bottom) gay guys too.. Whoever is available when they're horny..

i highly doubt a straight guy would have sex with a (bottom) gay atleast the straight guys I have been with wouldnt cause the guys ive been wit told me the only reason they not worrying about the penis part is cause I make a hot girl.

Lol. I'm interested in the person, not his history. How he treats me in the world, at home, and in bed determine whether I'll date him or not. Judging someone on what they've done before is kinda silly, IMO unless you get a LOT of feedback from a peer group that says "watch out for this shady person".

That said, if I'm deciding to date someone, I disclose, they tell me they've been with a TS before and we're just meeting for the first time, I'm going to take a few precautions but that's just being 'not dumb as a box of rocks.'

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on February 10, 2014, 01:32:41 PM
Lol. I'm interested in the person, not his history. How he treats me in the world, at home, and in bed determine whether I'll date him or not. Judging someone on what they've done before is kinda silly, IMO unless you get a LOT of feedback from a peer group that says "watch out for this shady person".

That said, if I'm deciding to date someone, I disclose, they tell me they've been with a TS before and we're just meeting for the first time, I'm going to take a few precautions but that's just being 'not dumb as a box of rocks.'

good phrase " not dumb as a box of rocks"

Yeah as I have been told by guys ," a vagina is a vagina . We can keep the past a secret. Just like when you hard to bail me out of jail for pot."
As they say a lot of people have baggage and they seem to be ok as long as they can hide whatever they need to.

Quote from: gowiththeflow on February 10, 2014, 04:11:14 PM
Yeah as I have been told by guys ," a vagina is a vagina . We can keep the past a secret. Just like when you hard to bail me out of jail for pot."
As they say a lot of people have baggage and they seem to be ok as long as they can hide whatever they need to.

most of the guys where I live the min u tell them ur transgender they want nothing to do wit u and it dosnt matter if u have a vagina, but I guess that's cause I live in the country haha, but I have met a handful that didn't mind n said that just cause I wasn't born with a vagina dosnt mean I don't deserve love too, but we all see where that got me.... used for only sex.

Ahh the sexy bunny attraction. I think we have all been there

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 06, 2014, 07:38:24 PM
he lives in bush louisiana which is a very redneck place and he hangsout with a lot of guys that use to make fun of me in school and those guys know who I am. he says they wont bother me if im around him, but idk. I think he met those other transgenders on bourbon street

Guys in bush Louisiana normally date their sisters, so dating TG women is a positive no?