Susan's Place Transgender Resources

For MtFs who disclose you are transgender to potential partners: Have you successfully dated post-transition?

I'm post transition, pre-op, and have been living as a woman for more than 29 months, the vast majority of it happily. I'm in a relationship that is both incredibly successful and frustrating. I'm in love with a man and he's in love too, but we don't see each other nearly enough for me, and because of it our relationship is threatened again. He owns his own business, and the business takes up a lot, far too much and I'm very lonely, physically. We talk, text and e-mail each other daily but don't see each other more than once every few weeks, even though after our last blowout over this same thing, our only thing we fight about, he agreed, and wants to see me at least twice a week. I still look at our love as real and our relationship as successful, though, and he's even intimated about living together or someday even getting married. Only time will tell. Hugs, Mira

I have to say. Mostly I have had good experiences. A few ran for the hills but most said as long as I was post op and we just kept it between "us" it was all good

I voted other. I've had a few hookups where I never told I was ts but as far as stable dating or a stable friend with benefits etc. I have never had any sort of success unfortunately :(
I am interested to hear the responses from other girls as I am really craving intimacy and I was much more than a one night stand or a "special kiss" at the club.
For one, revealing your TS I find changes things. I was just completely rejected by someone. Their reply when I told them "Phew that was close!" as if I was a "trap"

I love that phrase. It's like Star Wars ,"it's a trap!"
It really seems to depend on the guy. Just remember trans or not a lot of guys are looking for friends with benefits or one night stands aka booty calls. So try not to take it to personal. If the guy is worth it they will stick around

I have had no problem making dates with very good looking guys but it's never been what I'm looking for, unfortunately. Not sure what that is

I had a successful relationship post-transition. She was a wonderful woman who gave not a crap what I had between my legs, she loved me for me. It was all going rather well until she died in May last year.

Quote from: The Post-Trans-Rebel. on February 11, 2014, 03:16:42 PM
I had a successful relationship post-transition. She was a wonderful woman who gave not a crap what I had between my legs, she loved me for me. It was all going rather well until she died in May last year.

sorry to here that

I clicked that I've had good relationships post-transition. But even that is complicated. I haven't had what I would consider a steady boyfriend. But I've only been full-time for 8 months and dated for 6. I always tell men well before the first date. I'm pre-op, and the hardest and scariest times have been when men who knew my current anatomical status have changed their minds at intimate moments. That's hard to experience. For the record, I'm still on friendly terms with all the men I've dated.

I feel really fortunate.

It seems that people either want sex or doesn't even bother with me. It really upsets me how no one can simply see me as a woman, either I'm a dude or a f-ing ->-bleeped-<- to people :\





Edited for profanity

Haven't met anyone interesting,I've met plenty dirtbags and loonys though!**** dating I'm done with it,resigned to being forever single

I went on a couple of dates with another trans woman. We hit it off really well, and kind of had an odd friends/relationship thing going on for a while where we'd watch movies together and then snuggle for a while, and it was really nice! I don't know if that fits anyone else's definition of "dating" or a "relationship," but I definitely enjoyed it, and we were definitely mutually interested in each-other.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on February 11, 2014, 06:42:42 PM
I went on a couple of dates with another trans woman. We hit it off really well, and kind of had an odd friends/relationship thing going on for a while where we'd watch movies together and then snuggle for a while, and it was really nice! I don't know if that fits anyone else's definition of "dating" or a "relationship," but I definitely enjoyed it, and we were definitely mutually interested in each-other.

definitely sounds like a date to me

Kelly, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. To lose someone you care for romantically is very painful in a way that losing a friend you've never been intimate with isn't. Riley, just because it hasn't happened doesn't mean it won't. Give it time is something you've probably heard, and I know that gets old, but give it time, there are good people, male and people out there who won't look at you in any other way than as a woman. And Carrie, it sounds like a date to me too.

Right now I'm in a very very complicate "relationship" or "FWB" situation. I basically moved in with him soon after we met and he likes his alone time so he makes me leave, well asks me too. I haven paid much rent and he basically carries me. I also did some stuff that most people wouldnt forgive me for after I replased on drugs when I lost my job for being trans (see a lawyer Thursday, but probably next week cause of the storm) and yet here I am at his house and he isn't here.

He's out with his ex who he is trying to get back together with. It's def a FWB situation but could be a complicated relationship as well. All I know, is he is the most amazing person I've ever met and we're best friends. We sleep in the same bed and he even told his friends and his mom he's had sex with me. So he not ashamed. He tells me to stop being so ashamed. He's also a conservative Chrtistian so you can go ahead and throw out that BS about all people of that persuasion hating us. He tells me he loves me but doesn think we should date cause it could ruin our friendship which is amazing. I wouldnt have made it this far without him so he basically helped me achieve my dream. We both have our problems but the good far outweighs the bad.

So I would call it very successful. In fact, I even helped him get ready for his trist with his ex and helped him shave (he lost the use of his left arm in a car accident) abd I even washed his, uh, nine and a half, as he calls it lol. He's also incredibly food looking so I feel like im in a dream. He just wants me to start contributing more and I Just got a job and he is totally right. The only way he takes advantage is he sometimes yells at me or takes his frustrations out on me, he has epilepsy, hence the accident, and said he feels bad abut cause he kind of does it cause he knows i'll forgive him. Last week, he begged me to come over and i didnt so i grew a mini spine. But that took a lot.

Really I want him to be happy and if thats with his ex then the way I see it, I keep my best friend and gain another best friend. Not bad. I guess it's best described as that movie "Some Kind of Wonderful" where the girl is the guy's best friend and sensitive and in love with him but she helps him try to land this other girl cause in the end he wants his happiness. It's like that. I guess I kind of hope one day he'll choose me. Who knows? Right now though I want to focus on transition and surgery and becoming more comfy with myself.

Gawd, that was long but I told you it was complicated. But there is successful relationships even pre-op so it happens. Could it be better? yes. But then again I could have no one and be so alone. And I'm not. When we're not togther sometimes we talk on the phone for five hours. My friend says he's in love with me without a doubt and that I just have to give i time, because somethign worth having is something worth waiting for. She's right. Ill shut up now.

As for me until I'm post-op SRS I'm not interested in having any kind of intimate relationship with anybody. I did try last year to get close to someone but she turned out to have more problems than I did pre hrt, and she's cis. Right now I have no sex drive anyway. A relationship for me will also have to wait for SRS because I'm not comfortable being intimate with anyone until I'm whole, so to speak. ;)

I'm pre-transition but I thought I'd share. I've tried dating since starting hrt and all I've met were looser's who play to many games. I've been in love with the same man that I met when I was 19 and started dating at 21. We're both in our 30's now and broke up 5yrs ago. We've just rekindled things and have gotten back together. We've realized that we love each other and just can't stay away no matter what's happened. I'd have to say it isn't easy pre-transition because your unsure of yourself. It hard connecting with someone when all you can think about is getting to the other side of this process. But things can work out. I met my boyfriend when I was still unsure if I could even go through with any of this. But despite everything he's been around and still loves me no matter what stage I'm in. That alone is worth it's weight in gold.

I transitioned and had SRS at 24 and certainly led an active dating life back then. I think it had to do with "making up for lost time" and it did my ego good to practice "catch & release" - to pick up the hottest guy in the room for a wild weekend and then say goodbye. I frequently had guys asking me out but preferred to initiate something with someone I found attractive. I married the first time at 26 (he didn't know about  my past) and the second time at age 30 (he did know). After my second divorce at age 43 I wasn't interested in dating again until my late 50s and since then haven't had much luck. I am a very accomplished woman and think I scare the hell out of most guys - at least I hope it is that  simple - I know I haven't grown a third arm LOL!

That sounds awesome jane. I know I came close to marrying a CFO last year but called it off two months before the big day. Was marrying him for all the wrong financial reasons. We def can find love like other people. I will admit like any other woman can be very tough

Idk if I qualify for this but I'll share my experience lol ~ I'm still pre-hrt but I present as female all the time, and i've gotten hit on by straight men who know I'm pre-hrt trans. Hell, even one of my friends has been very "friendly" with me, and he knew me before I started any sort of transitioning, and he is also 100% straight. I've been pleasantly surprised to see many straight males who see being a woman as something more than physical appearance and genitalia. And the people who hit on me are not ->-bleeped-<-s at all because, well from what I've seen, ->-bleeped-<-s fit a certain criteria of behavior  :P (btw, i say 100% straight because usually the people who hit on me online or in person are more varietized about their sexuality, and the straight males hitting on me are on rare occasion)

Granted, I'm married so it doesn't matter lol but its still refreshing to know that if I were single, i wouldn't stay single for very long.

I've had really good luck with dating so far. I met Chris a week or so before going full time and we tentatively started going out. I told him right after our first kiss, and he was completely accepting. Ever since things have gone wonderfully - we've gone on vacations together and recently started expanding our respective (kinda limited) friend pools. What I am has never mattered to him - he's always seen me as who I am, and I love him for it. :)
He's also, amazingly, accepting of my politics (he stubbornly refuses to get involved in any politics whatsoever) and tolerant of my religious beliefs.

So I feel like I'm not the best example maybe - from a thread like this you kinda expect something more than 'yeah, we have a perfectly normal relationship'. But looking at the poll, that might be the rule, not the exception. *thinks*

Quote from: ZoeM on February 12, 2014, 03:05:14 PM
So I feel like I'm not the best example maybe - from a thread like this you kinda expect something more than 'yeah, we have a perfectly normal relationship'. But looking at the poll, that might be the rule, not the exception. *thinks*

No one has a normal relationship: straight, trans, gay bi, queer, gender queer, ACEs, and even--cats. I saw these two cats the other day....i'll shut up now. But...ok...ill shut up. Seriously, normal doesnt exist. There's only people and they are just people.

if by normal you mean, a pre-op and post-op gamer girl  co existing in a peaceful relationship. Yea. but that isnt what most consider normal.

Quote from: Teela Renee on February 12, 2014, 07:37:00 PM
if by normal you mean, a pre-op and post-op gamer girl  co existing in a peaceful relationship. Yea. but that isnt what most consider normal.

I got seven symbols for those people: ƒ- õƒƒ. They prolly also bang barn animals. It's always the loud-mouthed ones. Do you think it's normal for a trans girl who is ina now FWB situation to let her best friend suck on her boobs while she washes his penis? Oh wait, that does sound normal. Sorry. Yeah you're weird. Just kidding fo realz. i'm just keepin' it a hunted.





Edited for profanity

Quote from: Joanna Dark on February 12, 2014, 08:38:03 PM
I got seven symbols for those people: ƒ- õƒƒ. They prolly also bang barn animals. It's always the loud-mouthed ones. Do you think it's normal for a trans girl who is ina now FWB situation to let her best friend suck on her boobs while she washes his penis? Oh wait, that does sound normal. Sorry. Yeah you're weird. Just kidding fo realz. i'm just keepin' it a hunted.

I'm officially confused.

I was guess I was too obscure. Who cares what people think and forget them. The peopel who yell the loudest are always overcompensating and are prolly the weirdest of all. The other part about me washing my friends peins was a joke, though I actually did to that yesterday. He's disabled and can't use his left arm. I don't think that's weird. And he sucked on my boobs, cause, well, they're nice and people do that a lot. This girl I dated years ago pre-HRT used to love to do it. She never met someone like me, a woman a penis. I'm intersexed. I started growing boobs when I was 10-11. Real ones. I was skinny as heck and small and slender to boot. Most women would only have lesbian sex with me. Now i'm on a huge tangent.

My point is Eff anyone who thinks something isnt normal. But where Im from people are mostly accepting.

Hi friends  :police:

The question at hand is "Have you successfully dated post-transition?"

No-one is asking for an explicit description of your sex life

Let's keep it clean, watch the language and stay on topic

Thank you

V M

Quote from: gowiththeflow on February 12, 2014, 01:44:27 PM
That sounds awesome jane. I know I came close to marrying a CFO last year but called it off two months before the big day. Was marrying him for all the wrong financial reasons. We def can find love like other people. I will admit like any other woman can be very tough

Thanks!!!

Wow that sounded pretty deep, I'm glad you made the right choice in the end. I'm sure you saved yourself a lot of trouble too.

I think it's important that girls hear these things, love can be found no matter where we are in our transitions.

I want to thank everyone for the wonderful responses. I found this amazingly heartening after being rejected unceremoniously after what seemed like a great first date and wondering whether the wrinkle was my gender identity. It's nice to see that nearly 90% of those who tried dating post-transition found some success.

Gives me hope to keep going.

i am currently involved in a relationship with a wonderful guy who is better than anything i could have ever imagined. 

Quote from: spooky on February 17, 2014, 06:03:01 PM
i am currently involved in a relationship with a wonderful guy who is better than anything i could have ever imagined. 

Thats so great! <3 :) Mind sharing more?