Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone

Does anyone have personal experience of transitioning M2F from a senior position in a large multinational?  I'm reasonably senior in a fairly liberal European multinational engineering company, 45 years old,  and recently was told that they want to put me onto a future leaders career path.  But I'm just about to start hormone treatment, so within 6-12 months my transition may not be so easy to conceal.  I'm not scared  by the idea of telling people that I'm trans (they know me as gay), but at the same time we don't seem to have any published policy on LGBT employee rights.

If anyone can share relevant experience I would be so very grateful!

Thanx!
J

I work for a large multinational in Europe, though in a junior management position. I have been full time for 2 month and have had absolutely no problems what so ever. The company has been amazingly supportive of me and my transition in fact. If you are in the EU, the EC publishes articles on LGBT rights by country. It may not even be possible in your country to fire you based on your trans status, I don't know. You could also speak to your local HR rep, if you trust them to keep your request for information secret.   

There is a member called JennX who transitioned as a highly placed executive. I don't know how often she's on, so a PM might be better. Also Cindy (who's offline this week but will be back soon) transitioned from a prominent leadership position.

Hey, thanks so very much for the feedback!! 

I have indeed found that colleagues are quite slow to notice changes, such as longer hair and stuff.  Hell, most haven't even noticed that I fixed my nose!  As far as the legislation goes, I need to see how much support I really get, if that is needed.  I would hope that we do have a company LGBT policy, I mean we're over 100,000 people and our country of origin is very liberal.

I guess my main issue is how to deal with colleagues (isn't it always?  ;) )  once they actually do start to notice changes.  Until that time I'm happy to say nothing....

Thanks again!!

Some people can be pretty slow on the uptake. I told two colleagues last week after seven months on HRT, and they were genuinely surprised at the news. Not "I wondered" or anything, genuinely surprised. Then they start to put two and two together. Even though there are more trans people transitioning than ever before the general population just haven't had much experience with it, most times they take you as the gender you present as. But good luck all the same. I'm transitioning at work and am just over three months from going full time - we're a small community organisation with a big reputation and good LGBTIQ policy, my position is middle-ish in that it has enough prominence for me to be known by many people outside the organisation which will be more difficult to deal with than the internal stuff.

Hi Ms Grace

If you're lucky enough to present credibly in your chosen gender this is obviously a great help.  I'm verrrrrry far away from that point, and I think it's more likely that I'll end up becoming a feminine boy rather than a passable girl.  That's what I am telling my psychologist - better to be realistic  than totally deluded  :o  Perhaps that's a bit of a cop-out, but as Emily noted, if people just think I'm gay it would allow me to find a halfway point that people would just see as a bit eccentric, rather than totally weirding out my colleagues.  The first thing that both my endocrinologist and psychologist asked was whether I worked in a public-facing job and were already proposing that I should move into a more invisible role, which I frankly refuse to consider at this point. 

How have you all found the reactions of your colleagues?  Are they more malleable than you were expecting, in that they don't really care what your gender is, or have you found that some are just freaked out that you were once a guy and are no longer one?

Hugs
J

He he - Emily, you anticipated my question perfectly - our posts must have crossed each other in cyberspace! :)

Ha ha ha... Emily, I'm not sure how great my mind is, but in an hour it's going to be in the hands of my psychologist as I explain yet again why I want to be a girl...  I mean, she is a GIRL - she should understand the attraction of being one!  :D

Actually, here's one you might be able to comment on:  how did going onto HRT affect your mind?  I'm guessing it made a difference to your emotions, but what about the way you think??  (Are you on androgen blockers - I guess that would make a difference?)

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on February 19, 2014, 08:32:23 AM
I mean, she is a GIRL - she should understand the attraction of being one!  :D

Actually not. Most women are critical of my transition ("If you knew what it was really like..."). It's troubling that your therapist doesn't understand that gender identity doesn't mean we're attracted to being one, it means we already are girls.
[/quote]

Quote from: suzifrommd on February 19, 2014, 10:17:52 AM
"If you knew what it was really like..."

I heard that same thing from my ex-wife. She painted a pretty horrible picture of what living as a girl is like.

The thing she totally missed is it is worse to be forced to live as a boy with a female mind; living as a girl would actually be a great improvement because I am actually a girl.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on February 18, 2014, 07:48:36 AM
Hi everyone

Does anyone have personal experience of transitioning M2F from a senior position in a large multinational?  I'm reasonably senior in a fairly liberal European multinational engineering company, 45 years old,  and recently was told that they want to put me onto a future leaders career path.  But I'm just about to start hormone treatment, so within 6-12 months my transition may not be so easy to conceal.  I'm not scared  by the idea of telling people that I'm trans (they know me as gay), but at the same time we don't seem to have any published policy on LGBT employee rights.

If anyone can share relevant experience I would be so very grateful!

Thanx!
J

Hi when I transitioned I worked for a fairly large company as a director, and this is a company with a 100% HRC rating as well. Here are my thoughts and this is just me thinking out loud. Some people say that a transition is a career killer but I don't think so. It's more like a career setback. When I was working there I was put on a 10 million dollar project as the senior leader and sponsor, if that helps put things in perspective. That's the level of trust they had in me. When I announced my transition I was fired the next day. I could have taken my chances and rolled the lawsuit lottery dice from a wrongful termination suit, but I didn't want my name all over the papers or be on the nightly news or who knows what. So I took it on the chin and moved on.

My view is that companies and honestly people in general are generally frightened of the sex changing process, especially in that little tiny world upstairs and lets face reality men still rule the roost in executive positions and the boardroom. It's different up there as I'm sure you know. Some of your peers or those directly above you obviously have a very good opinion of you and your abilities to be a leader otherwise they wouldn't recommend you. However, when you mention that sex change stuff, everything changes. You become an unknown again. Essentially you go from the top of the pile to the bottom.

If you stay at that job, my feeling is your career will be over irregardless of how you think people will feel about you. Plus you will always have to deal with the fact that everyone knows.

It's not all glum though. After the transition part is done, I can only tell you about this aspect of myself. People can say whatever they want about Srs surgery and whether or not it's important, but in my case it gave me a razor sharp determination to succeed as a woman. I was not prepared for the profound psychological effect that this surgery would have on my psyche. It literally cured my gender dysphoria dead. It was quite amazing. Without experiencing gender dysphoria anymore, I got back 10% of my brain and put it to good use. It took a few job jumps from the end of my transition but I managed to make a very good good career comeback. Nowadays I earn far more than I ever did as a guy and actually am quite happy. But it came at a cost. I had to move down the ladder to move back up the ladder. If I had not changed at all, who knows I might even be a VP today, but it was not meant to be.

I hope that helps. If you want to talk more then please PM or email me and wi old be glad to tell you about my situation. It's not something it want to air out completely in public :)

Thank you Zumbagirl... I think you have managed to put this into perspective for me exceptionally well, and it totally fits with what I assumed would be a common case.   I'd totally agree with you about the difficulty of getting to the executive suite, but I did this in my previous company (a small one) and I'm not sure I'd want to go back there.   It's too testosterone-driven for me, and since I am more of a dialogue and consensus type of person it's not the kind of forum that worked for me as a man.  As a woman it would absolutely be more difficult, but again, I don't think I really want to get back to that place - it robs you of your life outside of your work and makes you aggressive, which I dislike.   Anyhow, these are all things which I will have to deal with as I go, but I think that at least I have some job protection where they just can't fire me for wanting to change gender.  Still, it will be challenging....

Hi y'all...getting back to some previous posts now:

Emily - thanks for your insight there.  I guess that since my social interactions are quite female already, my experience might be similar to yours...  I'll post this in a few months once I am fully and deeply into HRT.

Suzi and Eva Marie - my therapist is actually very supportive, but she wants to force me to be sure of what I want, and I think in that sense she's actually quite good - certainly she hasn't put obstacles in my way, but she is challenging me to think about it and to consider what I really need.   

With regards to being a girl as seen from a genetic girl's point of view ("If you knew what it was really like"), most of the women in my world, including my ex-wife, have been exceptionally strong-willed and were mostly able to have things on their terms.  OK, yes, some women moan about their period and its effects, understandably,  and my ex did complain about people not always treating her totally as she wished in a professional setting (this is Spain after all - it's still rather patriarchal), but those are circumstantial things that changed with a change in employer.  I'm sure we could all think of at least 10 good reasons why NOT to want to be a girl, but equally I can think of 20 good reasons why I don't want to be a boy.  And a positive attitude helps, no doubt, as well, as er, a ballsy attitude.  :D

I work in senior level management level of are large company. I have approx. 300 people working for me. I just prepare my outing and I want to switch My appearence end of March after having my FFS mid of March.

I started with speaking with HR. They will support my outing and I speak with a psychologist from HR about the nect steps. Next weeks I will have my outing at my direct boss. The week after I will tell it my employees which are directly reporting to me. I will give them some background informations and a information guideline for potential customer questions. After my break I will send an email with some background information to all people with I work with and on the first day I will work around to give the opportunity to the people to speak with me.

That is the plan :-) I am on hormones only three months but my breasts are not important. For me speech training and the FFS are extremly important. Gair extensions will help as well as the beard epilation helps. My gender change of the hirth certificate is on the way and I hope to have it finished in three months.

Lara

Can you check with COGAM in Madrid? They may have info on similar cases.

Quote from: Lara1969 on February 19, 2014, 01:57:44 PM
I work in senior level management level of are large company. I have approx. 300 people working for me. I just prepare my outing and I want to switch My appearence end of March after having my FFS mid of March.



Lara

Well you certainly seem to have your head screwed on straight. I wanted to add something I forgot to say from before that if it's possible to transition at a job and actually "finish" the transition at the job, them I would suggest doing it. My feeling though is that once it was all done for me, I didn't want to wear the transgender thing on my sleeves anymore. I just wanted to be somewhere new where nobody knew me and see if I could still make it with the talent I had, if that makes any sense.

In my humble opinion, and only mine, once it gets out, a career will stall out at that point. The more successful one becomes the more important stealth is. For me, just for my own sanity, because I just be another plain old woman in the conference room contributing to a topic. Hope that makes sense and best of luck in what you hope to do  :)

Hiya!

Lara, yours is a wonderful and optimistic story, and I think I will be speaking for all of us in wishing you a brilliant and successful professional transition.  Totally agree with you on the voice training and FFS - I'm still rather far from the point of wanting to consider those, but they'd be totally vital for me!!

@AppleJack - COGAM's trans group appears to have gone into hibernation and its relevance is not so clear.  There is a better group called AET Transexualia and I do interact with them.  Official information is not so easy to obtain, but I think there is strong legal protection for all LGBT people in the workplace (see en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Spain), but I'm guessing that the best way to ensure the most trouble-free transition at work is to get official support from HR, then from senior managers, close work colleagues and then the rest.

Appreciate your great insight - thanks!!!

All this talk about being taken less serious and limiting opportunities when your gender is changed is true! It just means you have to have thicker skin and work a little harder to get the same position but not pay as a man.

I work in retail and often I am ignored or treated as I do not know the simplest thing. Everyday there is story....today I asked a man if he needed help finding something...he said no. He than turned around and asked a male coworker where something was. Geez, I didn't ask him if he needed help fixing his car!! I simply asked if he needed help finding something....apparently I'm not qualified to know! This happens so much...I have become accustomed to it and it doesn't bother me as much....but certain days!

I have found out that even older women that have had to deal with this type of mentality all their lives have come to the point of accepting it...but it still bothers them at times also. I still will take the extra perks I do get to enjoy from being a women.

It does go hand in hand though....some women expect to be treated more delicately or different. Something like holding the door open for the person behind you. Some young girls will rudely walk in and not even care....most people women or men will keep it open for the next person. Men will generally wait and hold a door open for women....most women won't do the same. I have become accustomed to also not doing this...its just really weird to hold open a door for a man unless he was walking in behind me.

I did have something odd happen the other day. I had to go to the local court house to pay taxes....as I was about to walk in an elderly gentleman with a cane was behind me....rather than just keep the door open and let him walk in behind me I held it open...the look on his face was a shock of embarrassment and he quickly walked in and made sure he held the second set of doors open for me. I said thank you and just giggled!!

Quote from: Just Shelly on February 19, 2014, 06:01:57 PM. I did have something odd happen the other day. I had to go to the local court house to pay taxes....as I was about to walk in an elderly gentleman with a cane was behind me....rather than just keep the door open and let him walk in behind me I held it open...the look on his face was a shock of embarrassment and he quickly walked in and made sure he held the second set of doors open for me. I said thank you and just giggled!!

Well Shelly, I think the lack of courtesy in terms of opening doors etc. is just a general loss of good manners almost everywhere :-(   Here in Spain I am waging a one-person war on such things - totally futile I know - but when I open a door for someone and don't get thanked I let them have it with both barrels.  There is no excuse of rudeness, or baseball caps worn backwards  :D

My apologies coming in late.
Been at WPATH.

Me coming out? OK I'm a Prof of Medicine and I have had a few snide comments from juniors more than anyone. Relatively easy to deal with.

I did an analysis of pros and cons that included all variables as far as I could envisage, I worked on my perceived weaknesses.

I am a far stronger person than he was, I'm more effective and I'm more dominant. Woman often are. We just play the cards differently. I'm egocentric, which allowed me to ride the hurt but I made damn sure I could deliver.

So the company ended up with a woman who could do her job better than he could. In practice that was the key. Companies, and business want positive outcomes. I made sure I delivered.

Being me was then irrelevant.

Hi Julia, well if Carla Antoneli succeeded as deputy, I don't think it'd be that big problem for you. Moreover you know how big advantage we have and all the rights possess here.

You know, Cindy makes exactly the point that I think is important.  If you are comfortable in your skin and assertive about who you are, this is such an important part of the battle already won.  When I did step one of my transition - becoming openly gay (yup)- it was a huge difference and I felt massively more comfortable.  That gave me license to no longer act straight, wear some elements of female clothing (I'm only 5'4" - getting girl stuff is quite easy for me  :)), talking about my boyfriend to my close colleagues... and everyone is very accepting. 

But I am quite blunt if people challenge me, and I don't take nonsense from anybody.   Maybe I am terrrribly naive, but I don't have any issue in theory with becoming a trans standard-bearer in my work - leadership in company social issues is almost as important as business leadership.

Or am I being way too naive?

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on February 20, 2014, 07:59:35 AM
Well, there is only one way to find this out, isn't it? I wonder how things would go in very Catholic-minded country? I was told that given my area of expertise and things what I am doing - this could be used as an example to change people's minds - and society is very divided and highly intolerant, people are idealising patriarchal rural society here, which makes me very sceptical about any changes possible until a generation or two would fade out. But being a standard-bearer puts You out in the open and chances are - You will be alone there, at least for some time. Everyone can strike standard-bearer and Your hands are taken with standard You hold... Plus, people will know and remember who You are and who You were - unless You have settled personal life or dont have much expectations about that - this would seriously limit Your possibilities. And once You start the HRT, personal life becomes much more important as You cant shut down and withdraw from Your inner feelings anymore (testosterone has this side-effect or maybe that is a primary, but estrogen does quite the opposite). Are You ready for that?

Well, Emily, while Spain is still tranditionally Catholic, there is a growing support for alternative lifestyles. In Madrid and Barcelona these days, you literally fall over same-sex couples in the street.  And as our friend EvolvingBeauty notes, there are a few high-profile transwomen in Spain - in politics and the arts.   

As far as withdrawing from my inner feelings goes, honey, I am such a damn sensitive boy that this is already an impossibility, so heaven knows what HRT will do!!  But still, I think the journey will show me with enough time which actions to take regarding being a standard-bearer.  Rule 1:  over-deliver in your work, then deal with the other stuff.   I'm not scared of challenges, so yes, I am ready!

BTW, where are you from?  I have some guesses (Poland, Netherlands), but could be way off :-)

Julia after coming back from WPATH where many of the big players are TG or genderfluid one thing came out. The successful people are because we are damn good at what we do. We make sure that we have stuff covered and we are better than our colleagues. We don't give room for attacks and cover them as well.
OK that may not be 'fair' but nothing in life is; and I'm not going to use the 'you shouldn't discriminate against me because discrimination is wrong' card, I take it full on (as do others) and bury them.

I take the attitude that I'm different and I'm proud of being me. I don't look for favours, I take myself seriously and I will stand as equal to all. I think it is important that those of us who are fortunate to be leaders, lead. That helps our brothers and sisters immensely in the long term.

Oh and my apologies Julia, welcome to the site, it is so nice to have you on board.

Thank you Cindy for the warm welcome. 

To everyone, I have truly been surprised by the response to this thread, and to the carefully considered and intelligent replies from all of you, especially those for whom English isn't your first language.

Since I think this is a very comfortable little oasis I really want to stick around, but for some reason I seem to be stuck in "visitor" mode and unable to modify my profile.  Can anyone tell me how I change this?

Hugs to everyone!

Hi girls

Here's one that got my brain going when I was talking with my psychologist today, and it's to do with the pros and cons of doing a gradual transition at work versus doing it as a Big Bang??  Would really like to know your feelings here...

OK, it's likely that after however many months on HRT, and whatever else, that there will be some more-or-less subtle changes (facial softening, less noticeable beard growth, some breast growth), but my experience is that people don't notice these things much, and you can conceal them quite successfully if you want to. 

So what's "better", if I can use such a term?:  to gradually make my work persona more and more feminine ("Hey, is that's a girl's suit your're wearing?") or to hide this and get to some point where it just makes sense to turn up presenting 100% as a woman ("Wow, is that really you?").  Of course I would at some point talk to HR, senior managers and close colleagues to brief them, but there's a real difference between how they and I would deal with a message like "I'm gradually going to turn into a woman and you will see changes little by little" versus "I'm trans and next Friday there will be a new girl in the office".

Thoughts?

Yours perplexedly...  :o

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on March 03, 2014, 05:45:47 PM
Hi girls

Here's one that got my brain going when I was talking with my psychologist today, and it's to do with the pros and cons of doing a gradual transition at work versus doing it as a Big Bang??  Would really like to know your feelings here...

OK, it's likely that after however many months on HRT, and whatever else, that there will be some more-or-less subtle changes (facial softening, less noticeable beard growth, some breast growth), but my experience is that people don't notice these things much, and you can conceal them quite successfully if you want to. 

So what's "better", if I can use such a term?:  to gradually make my work persona more and more feminine ("Hey, is that's a girl's suit your're wearing?") or to hide this and get to some point where it just makes sense to turn up presenting 100% as a woman ("Wow, is that really you?").  Of course I would at some point talk to HR, senior managers and close colleagues to brief them, but there's a real difference between how they and I would deal with a message like "I'm gradually going to turn into a woman and you will see changes little by little" versus "I'm trans and next Friday there will be a new girl in the office".

Thoughts?

Yours perplexedly...  :o

and that is my story, slowly but surely...

I work for a 75,000 people company with interests and offices in many countries. I wear many hats but the main one is to push technology development... I am one of the senior technical person in the company.

several years ago I had a trusted boss make inquires as what the consequences of transitioning would be... well the word that come back was..."let us know how we can help"

Well, because other issue in my personal life (kids, debts, divorce) I could not afford to do a fast change. So, I went slow: letting my hair grow, dressing more androgynous, perfume, dash of make up; and slowly told my close associates at work. Later on I began the legal change of name follow with initiating HRT. Once my breast become noticeable, about a year later, I went full time as female. The last step was to change my gender marker in my legal papers.

I was not demoted, nor my chances of achieving lead positions have been diminished, even on the face of having to represent the company in public situations (conferences, trade presentations, marketing efforts, etc.). To my astonishment both costumers and lead figures in my company have not batted an "eye lash" when I have brief...now, I am saying this because I am quiet an stunning looking middle age woman (a fashionist) but with a rather deep voice...


Another thing that surprises me is that my 'hassle-free" experience does not only includes my country, USA, but extends to Latin America and Europe (my areas of responsibility). Now, I must confess that my experiences wherever I go is with the intelligencia and the upper class, and in very exclusive and classy venues... and thus I have not been exposed to the raw parts of any country or city..

Hey Peky

Very interesting indeed!  I must be honest that my preference would also be for a gradual transition, since there are things in my head that also need time to evolve. 

I do know about a woman in a senior role at a massive, very paternalistic and macho company here in Spain who did her whole social transition in just 6 months.  I am going to try meet her, since we're in the same industry, and try to understand her challenges.

The very first thing both my endo and psy asked me was whether I worked in a public-facing role - i.e. the implication being that transition tends to scare the customers.  How did you deal with this, since I am sure there must have been times when you confused them?

Just thinking aloud here, with a slightly indelicate question: since you present as an attractive woman, to what extent do you think that the "girl who was once a guy" thing is actually (surprisingly) a positive and visible marketing message for you within your company.  I mean, it does kind-of get you noticed, doesn't it...?

Questions, questions...
Gracias!
Julia

Possibly my situation was a little different as I work in Pathology and my colleagues are medics or Professorial level. They tend to be very accepting, well at least in Australia.

I went slowly then reached a point that I couldn't keep doing slow changes, not for any physical reason, just that it was time for me to accept myself fully. So I announced it on a Friday and the new girl started on Monday.

I received no negative comments to my face. I obviously don't know what was said behind my back but it couldn't have been too terrible.

I was well known before and that went through the roof, I was instantly recognized by the senior executives who went out of their way to talk to me and make sure I was OK.

Chairing meetings was very easy, my personal confidence was dramatically increased and I believe that I am more effective in my role than he was.

When job and budget cuts began to occur I was instantly known as a person whose opinion had to be taken into account. Because of this my sections were protected as I had a voice.

Teaching has not been a problem, students seem to be very accepting of gender differences and it was inconsequential to them. If anything there was a sense of pride of being the student of the TG professor.

I am very aware that my position may be unique, but I have taken pains to make sure that I support everyone who has gender issues and helped a few 'come out' as Gay or Lesbian. They know my door is open to discuss private and personal issues.

I have had no problems with patient interactions but then again my patients tend to be very ill and in shock of dealing with their situations, and a caring person is often the one who is important to them in their journey.

My male colleagues have become very protective of me, to a point that I notice them drift past my office if I am meeting a new male business contact. Which is very sweet.

Physically I pass well, vocally I do not, my voice has been destroyed into a male one. But no one has made an issue of it.

I can summarize my experience by a recent comment from a colleague who I have not met prior to my change. He asked for a coffee meeting to discuss a new project. I agreed but warned him that I had undergone a sex change. His reply was 'Good on you, you do still drink coffee though?'

I have lost nothing except a life time of depression.

So Cindy, undoubtedy in your case you took an already high visibility role and your change almost certainly resulted in improved marketability for you!  Good on ya girl!!

I have only been in my company for a year, but have been noticed, thankfully for the right reasons!  So it is important for me to keep advancing, despite, ahem, present but vital distractions.  But my psy has cautioned me to say nothing and do nothing in a work environment until things are clearly underway, and for me to manage the contradictions between work and social worlds and how I present in them.

On a slight tangent, the comment from your male colleague regarding coffee is interesting.  Over the past few weeks I have been gradually socialising my desire to transition to female with many of my closest friends (no family yet!).  The women have been very supportive indeed.  The straight male friends have all been massively, incredibly supportive, which I found surprising.  But the group which surprised me most was my collection of gay friend, one whom is a past lover.  While I have not lost their friendship, their first reactions were very strongly negative.  I have my theories, but I'm still trying to understand it...

Hugs
Julia

Hey Emily - I don't think it's cynicism at all, just reality.  Effectively it means that I am lost to the "brotherhood".   For girls, I would be joining them; for straight guys they're either indifferent or potentially even interested.  But for gay guys I'd be doing all the wrong things...  yup!  However, there is a contradiction, since many gay guys say that girls are their closest friends...

Thanks Cindy and Peky for your really illuminating observations and experiences.

Hugs
Julia

I am a Director at a Hospital. I want to become a Vice President within 3 years and I think I can earn the position but it will require 2 to 3 weeks per month travel and a lot of sacrifice. I want to earn the position as a trans woman. I am 51 and I am realistic as to my potential physical realities on HRT.

I am out to HR, Benefits, my EVP, my Operations manager and a colleague.

I have been on HRT for 8.5 months and my breasts are starting to show through work shirts and my hair is below my collar. I came out to those above at work May 2013. At that time I told them I will present male until I give them 3 months notice of dress and or name change. This will allow them time to plan and me to make a fantastic presentation to all the Departments.

My company is unique, we have a LGBT policy and transition covered through health insurance, including therapy, lazar, hair transplants, breast implants and prescriptions and GCS. Our President is female as well as 80% of the employees and management. I live in a city that has specific legislation protecting trans* identity. I meet with my boss last week and we discussed me and the transition. He said, "I know we have LGBT policies but I am worried". He went on to say when I come out he wonders how the executives will respond. He said he knows there are policies but then there is reality. He also said the same about my staff. He said, "I fear they will not follow you".  I told him I think everything will be fine and if not I will work someplace else. He did not like the answer. Did he think I was going to say I will stop transition.

I present to the organization Leadership and at professional conventions. I am presenting in a National Convention in the Spring. I know one thing for sure HRT or therapy or coming to terms has altered my confidence. I use to get so nervous I would not be able to see the audience, it was just black with some gray shades. Now I see the people, colors and am at total ease. I still prepair and rehearse like there is not tomorrow but now it is vastly different. I am confident and at ease.

Something else happened, last Thursday at work at the end of the day. I was going to the bathroom, finished and was fixing my pants. I was light headed (need to drink a lot more water and skip the coffee). I awoke on the floor. After a bit I realized my head hit the toilet bowl and I was laying there thinking what to do. If I called for help they would call a code blue and a team would be there in 2 minutes. I would be checked head to toe and transported. I chose to regain my thoughts and later leave the bathroom to my office ( drank a lot of water). I had a concussion and am just today feeling better. If I was not hiding I wonder if I would have called for help. I had a radio, cell phone and 2 way pager and fear. Things happen and things can get out of control. Transition and lack of control of the unknown or unforeseen go hand in hand.

Hi Cynthia Michelle

You are most fortunate to have such comprehensive medical cover for your transition; almost certainly none of this is covered by my scheme here in Spain!

So, from your final paragraph, you're highlighting a common enough fear that I think many of us have:  we're in transition and trying to balance multiple contradictions in the workplace and outside it.  We're moving to another gender and always lightly "pushing the envelope".   But we want to control when and what other people might notice, which is not always so easy.   However you look pretty much in control, so good on you, and go get that VP position!!

Hugs
J

I am out to my approx. 100 employees and to my boss. I am part of a large German automotive company. I took two weeks off and I just recover from FFS and hair extensions :-)
When I am back I will present myself as woman. First reaction of my outing was positive and I hope the second reaction stays positive. I am very open regarding questions and prepared background information for my outing. HR was also very supportitive.
I think it helps to be very open and to stand for ourselfes. Like your mayor here in Berlin said: I am gay and is right!

Lara

Hey Lara

Yay!  Excellent news.  How are you doing with the FFS?   It's great to know that you're advancing and that the initial outing at work went well.  Comparatively I have a very loooooong way to go still, but we all have to start somewhere I guess.

Tell me about your hair exensions - I'm really interested to know what you've done there, since it's something that I've also started considering, but I really have no idea what is possible to achieve with hair extensions these days.

Huge hugs from Madrid!!!  Do let us know how you progress as you recover from the FFS.

Julia

I envy those of you with supportive workplaces that have LGBT policies!!!!!

I'm in the US Bible Belt, at an annoyingly conservative company. I'm just beginning to break into junior management roles project by project, and the potential reaction to a trans* individual in this company scares me.

My little department just (last week) moved from an outlying building to directly IN the corporate HQ, so I'm still trying to learn the ropes of the new environment.

Does anyone have any tips for the conservative corporation? Or perhaps I should rethink that "Get out of Dodge as soon as I finish grad school" idea.

Quote from: Greeneyedrebel on April 07, 2014, 02:23:17 PM
I envy those of you with supportive workplaces that have LGBT policies!!!!!

Yeah, those kinds of things do help, but of course you still have to deal with difficult and obstructuve colleagues, because I'm sure I am going to find those in my company as soon as I make things happen...

All the same, good luck!!

J

Hi girls

So here's an update... Yesterday I started the conversation in my company.  First stop was our in-house doctor.  She kind-of knew that something wasn't all as it seemed late last year.  But she's now pretty much behind me, although I am her first case in the company.   She will open up a direct line to the HR department, and I'll probably start that next week.   So far so good...

An interesting side note:  I was at a meeting with my extended group of colleagues in Milan some weeks ago, and as I was about to leave for lunch with one of them, we passed the "rest rooms", at which point he jokingly indicated I should go to the ladies side.  (At work I still present as male).  And by mistake I replied "Not yet," and he stopped in his tracks and said to me "Are you serious?  In your case that would be so cool..."   So yeah, I fessed up and now have a colleague who really wants to go out one night with the new girl.   An unexpected result :-)

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on April 29, 2014, 01:55:40 AM
An interesting side note:  I was at a meeting with my extended group of colleagues in Milan some weeks ago, and as I was about to leave for lunch with one of them, we passed the "rest rooms", at which point he jokingly indicated I should go to the ladies side.  (At work I still present as male).  And by mistake I replied "Not yet," and he stopped in his tracks and said to me "Are you serious?  In your case that would be so cool..."   So yeah, I fessed up and now have a colleague who really wants to go out one night with the new girl.   An unexpected result :-)

Yes. Restroom is always a thorny issue. In public restrooms, I enter women's, but it is difficult at my work place (university) as everybody knows that I am a dad. Peeing at men's room while wearing mini-skirt is embarrassing to both students and myself. I sometimes use the room for handicapped.

Transgender tend to be introspective, thinking too much about the reactions of others. They can be surprised at your new image, but are anyway busy doing their own business.

barbie~~

Megan's blog may hold some insights for those in the US at least.  The unfortunate back and forth here shouldn't discount the experience.

http://meganwallent.com/

In my experience, being fully stealth but not very feminine, I think it may well protect you more to be out.  I suffered some pretty blatant bias from people who would never say why, that I am pretty sure I would not have seen if I were male.  I guess it depends on the company... One hint may be that if they have same sex insurance they are probably open to a broader discussion of trans issues than if they don't (IMHO)

Quote from: Greeneyedrebel on April 07, 2014, 02:23:17 PM
Does anyone have any tips for the conservative corporation?

Make yourself an indispensable/irreplaceable asset to the company.  Find allies in management & HR (your boss and as high as you can get).  Research your state's laws and the company's employment policies. Find out what rights and power you have to protect yourself.  Be very subtle and conservative about how you go about presenting yourself even as you come out. 

QuoteOr perhaps I should rethink that "Get out of Dodge as soon as I finish grad school" idea.

There is that too.

I've help start 3 businesses, owned 4 businesses. I work for a medium sized international corporation, I report to a conservitive vice president, to give you an idea about how conservative he is, he doesn't even drink tea because it has caffeine. In my defense, I reported to the VP that came before him.

My strategy is to keep it "stealth" until either I find a better business to work for or my next business can fully support me. I'm working on 2 business plans as I type/drink (Moscato Bella). Thats what I do every night - not drink wine, but work on my business plans.

Thats not really a strategy to transition in a corporation but I'm also intelligent enough to understand probability and know that corporate culture is not likely to change. I hope your company is much more liberal than mine.

Quick questions, any entrepreneurs out there?

Quote from: Greeneyedrebel on April 07, 2014, 02:23:17 PM
Does anyone have any tips for the conservative corporation?

Be as versatile as you can know every aspect of every job in each department inside and out.  Work 10x harder then everyone else.  You may find this limits your promotional prospects (If they get promoted who is going to do the work they did). This also works in your favor two ways,  short of you seriously screwing up they will be reluctant to fire you. (Knowledge is power and they will have to replace and train what you know). Second your building up your knowledge and should be building up an external network so you can get out of Dodge to a more friendly work environment.

Quote from: JamesG on April 29, 2014, 02:44:00 PM
Make yourself an indispensable/irreplaceable asset to the company.  Find allies in management & HR (your boss and as high as you can get).  Research your state's laws and the company's employment policies. Find out what rights and power you have to protect yourself.  Be very subtle and conservative about how you go about presenting yourself even as you come out. 

There is that too.

Small side note.....in High School one of my friends refused...as it flat out would not ever...to call me by my birth name. She insisted on calling me "James", saying it fit me much better than any other name she could think of. I should have taken that at some sort of clue I think...:) (Prompted by the profile comment "A girl called James")

The diversity policy here is currently horrid...and has not been reviewed since 2006. But I am working on finding allies and making changes in a subtle way, then building on those.

On the positive note, my job is moving from being under "Mr. I'm stuck in the 50's" to reporting to a really cool guy with lots of west coast influence. He complimented my shirt/tie combo yesterday even.

Getting out of Dodge will remain the back up plan, but I'm taking it all slow and steady.

It's Corporate Training/IT....so we are assumed to be a bit different anyway....lol

Quote from: Kova V on May 01, 2014, 10:09:59 PM
Quick questions, any entrepreneurs out there?

Hiya Kova... yes, one here, nail varnish dried and ready for action lol  :D   

I started a tech company with some friends when I was in my 20s, then a couple more in my 30s.  I really miss the buzz and excitement of a starup, but I cannot say I miss the stress of trying to ensure that the income comes in!   Also, the opportunities for networking inside a multinational are unsurpassed.

But yeah, some days I would love to start another venture!

xxx
Julia

We all have our unique circomstances but I started my transition on the job (as an executive manager in a medium sized international business)  believing I had the full support of my boss, the CEO of the company. Even now, I believe he was sincere at the time (last July).

However, no matter how much official support you have one thing you have little control over is how other people react.  Actually I think the real issue is that most people actually have little control over how they react either. Conciously they may be telling themselves one thing but unconsciously their brain is telling them something very different ie. most people who practise discrimination are in total denial on the subject, especially well educated people who think they are completely above it all. The Americains here are probably familiar with the line from the book, To Kill a Mocking Bird,  which sums it up so well "People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for..."

Anyway, immediately following the green light from my boss, I came out one to one to all of my colleagues on the company management team, all males bar one, getting mostly neutral reactions. Just one person told me outright that he thought he would never be able to see me as a woman.

As my company wanted me to have my Civil Identity Change done and dusted before coming out officially and transitioning on the job, I filed for the change last Sept, continuing to present as a very androgenous male through to the end of the year. The public prosecutor gave the green light for the change last Nov but since then, the court has repeatedly failed to set a date for the final hearing so I still have no idea when it will finally  come through.

Meanwhile, life in the company continued but I noticed a real degradation in my relationships with my colleagues on the Management Team from Sept onwards (not anyone else though) , to the extent that by the end of the year, it was getting increasingly difficult to function properly in an already very demanding environment.

I could see all of this happening and suggested to my boss that we bring in a mediator to get to the heart of what was going on. He unfortunately refused , considering that any problems encountered were for me to resolve.  So without specific action to try sort out the issues,  things just continued to get worse until I was told a few weeks ago that my mission would come to an end in July once my fixed term contract comes to an end. (N.B. It had always been understood that this fixed term contract would eventually become an open ended contract)

I took a very hard hit at the time as I had put everything into this job but have recovered quite a bit since and am now turning my attention to creating my own business, hopefully with my present employers as my first customers.

On the positive side, I finally transitioned on the job without my CIC as I was male failing far too often, creating awkward situations for everyone concerned .  I also basically said to myself that I may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb  so, with little left to lose, I forced the issue a bit.  :)

To the credit of my employers, my bio on the corporate web site, including my photo, is now 100% feminized and after about 3 months to get used to the change, even the slowest of my colleagues is now on board, at least regarding the use of my name...

More than anything, in this pretty painful and potentially dramatic situation (I'm also getting a bit old.. ) , I remembered some stuff I had taken on board(from Tony Robbins)  a few years ago when I was working as a business coach. Life doesn't always work out the way we want ie. according to our blueprint.  In such situations, to get your life back on track you have two choices, change your environment or change the blueprint. I don't have the power to change my environment so rather than fighting against windmills, I think it is wiser to change the blueprint, taking as many positives as I can from my existing circomstances ie. creat my own business with the support of my present employers whom, after a bit of a crisis,  I will finally most likely quit on fairly good terms.

For those facing similar situations, I found a fairly good article on the web which goes through the thinking http://sourcesofinsight.com/tony-robbins-on-what-to-do-when-life-doesnt-work-out-like-you-planned/ (http://sourcesofinsight.com/tony-robbins-on-what-to-do-when-life-doesnt-work-out-like-you-planned/)

Hugs and  best of luck to all of you!
Donna









   

Quote from: Donna E on May 02, 2014, 09:13:34 AM
I don't have the power to change my environment so rather than fighting against windmills, I think it is wiser to change the blueprint, taking as many positives as I can from my existing circomstances ie. creat my own business with the support of my present employers whom, after a bit of a crisis,  I will finally most likely quit on fairly good terms.

For those facing similar situations, I found a fairly good article on the web which goes through the thinking http://sourcesofinsight.com/tony-robbins-on-what-to-do-when-life-doesnt-work-out-like-you-planned/ (http://sourcesofinsight.com/tony-robbins-on-what-to-do-when-life-doesnt-work-out-like-you-planned/)

Establishing your own independent company will not be easy, but it will hopefully give you more freedom and happiness. If I have to deal with so many diverse people and their prejudices, I would choose a similar path.

barbie~~

Hi Donna

You and I have already talked off-line about the sad and pathetic way the directors in your company have reacted.

I really wonder what makes people react to us as they do, by which I mean the visceral versus the intellectual and the fight between the two.  I don't want to go off on some psychological route-march, nor extrapolate from thin personal data, but what **is** it that makes people accept us or not?  How much of this has to do with the type of relationship we have with them and how much with the way we present?

I will definitely publish my coming-out-at-work story here as it evolves.  So far it's been positive (one immediate colleague who is thrilled, two partners, and our in-house medic), but I'm still some months away from making the change.

So, then, my experience can only or mostly relate to people in my social world, and here I have been astounded.  The girls pretty much included me as one of them instantly; the boys are all accepting but some misgender me and then correct themselves.  But what has made them so accepting?  Is it because people in Spain operate in a live-and-let-live mindset, or because I have been fortunate with my friends?   And can I extrapolate from the 3 work colleagues who "think I look better as a girl" to how it will be when I am operating in the company as a girl?   

I also don't know how and to what extend that fact that many people in my company know me as gay will help or not.  Donna pointed out to me that being gay is basically a private matter once people know the basics, whereas changing gender is very very public, and she is totally correct.  But in the social break-out at work it's clear that I am more comfortable talking girl stuff than boy stuff.  So, will this work in my favour in people's minds - i.e. resolving the contradiction of the "girly boy" who is now a "proper" girl?  I truly don't know!!

Any insight here from y'all would be most interesting.   Sorry for the mini psychological route-march  :D

Ciao
Julia

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on May 03, 2014, 02:30:55 AM
I also don't know how and to what extend that fact that many people in my company know me as gay will help or not.  Donna pointed out to me that being gay is basically a private matter once people know the basics, whereas changing gender is very very public, and she is totally correct.  But in the social break-out at work it's clear that I am more comfortable talking girl stuff than boy stuff.  So, will this work in my favour in people's minds - i.e. resolving the contradiction of the "girly boy" who is now a "proper" girl?  I truly don't know!!

I don't know if I was considered to be gay at work, I mentioned every now and then that I had in fact had girlfriends (all two of them) but I was never very blokey so I'm not sure what people thought.

My relationship with the women at work has hardly changed since my transition, we chat just as before about a range of stuff... definitely it is now more personal and there are more girly topics (clothes, boots, shopping) and certainly some things which have been discussed probably never would have been had I been presenting as a dude (or example, one woman telling me why she loathed the word c### (when used as an insult) because "that part of the body" is such an integral part of pleasure and intimacy it was offensive that someone would use it to denigrate someone). That was different! I certainly feel comfortable talking with the women at work and it seems they do me - seems I've blended in well and have largely become one of the girls. One thing is that I'm now being complimented on my clothes (and I'm able to give out compliments) - which never happened before, and I don't have to worry that if I'm being friendly it's not going to be misinterpreted as me coming on to someone. (This is true, has happened to me so much over the years since university, every time I got friendly and chatty with a woman people started gossiping.)

There aren't many men at work, there has been a subtle shift in the way they relate to me, not a bad shift, but I can't put a finger on what it is.

There are some new people starting over the next month or so, it'll be interesting to see how they relate to me.

when I lived in Thailand, I worked with a well-known European airlines, I started as a (gay) boy (been on HRT for many years before that job , grown breasts so I had to wrap my breasts, cut my hair short) and i got promoted to be a senior (everyone knew that I was very fem) and came out to my boss that i wanted to wear girl uniform .. she agreed and everyone accepted me very well .. i think because in our company, there was a senior instructor who was transgirl , thats why everyone was ok with me being a girl

but here in Australia, local airlines refused to give me a job because i was trans (happened long time ago, went for job interview in 2008)

Hi,
In think my experience with the women at work is very similar to what others here are saying, generally very positive. I chat far more with them than before, there were no issues about using the ladies bathroom and I now mostly take lunch with my female colleagues why are a very small minority of this 90% male engineering company.

The latter point certainly has a bearing on my experience and I can actually understand why a trans woman represents more of a challenge to the established order in such an environment than in a more female environment.

For starters, as a trans woman, you are a renegade, doing something that it really difficult for your average guy to understand.  I'm also inclined to believe that in such a predominately male environment, thinking has to be more sexist than in a more balanced environment. I can certify that the language definitely is, scoring very low on political correctness.  :embarrassed:

Lastly, for a guy who has know you before as a "normal" guy,(I'm married and have kids)  you will never ever be a woman like another and since in this part of the world et least, a woman colleague is first a woman and then a colleague, that does creat a certain awkwardness. No doubt, if we had been left with enough time, some of the necessary re-adjustments would have happened but as I was on a fixed term contract, it looks like they preferred to cut their losses and take the easy way out.

I can actually understand all of this and that is why I finally prefer not to get into a conflict and focus my energy on taking whatever positives I can away from the experience. As it happens, the difficulties I have encountered have been almost exclusively with my colleagues in the the senior management team. Otherwise, with pretty well all the people I work with day, mostly guys too, there have been no significant issues and since the news came out that I am being terminated, I have had numerous expressions of recognition and thanks for my contribution over the last 15 months. This is also why I finally prefer to finish on a positive note as possible, so that people mostly remember me as a very competent and forward looking manager who focused on the positives and created a can do work environment.

Hugs
Donna

P.S. Barbie. I already had my own business for 6 years so, while I am aware of the challenges, going my own way again is not something that I'm scared of per se.  I will however miss the intensive team work that was so much a feature of my present position. 

Quote from: DianaVV on May 03, 2014, 03:15:51 AM
when I lived in Thailand, I worked with a well-known European airlines, I started as a (gay) boy (been on HRT for many years before that job , grown breasts so I had to wrap my breasts, cut my hair short) and i got promoted to be a senior (everyone knew that I was very fem) and came out to my boss that i wanted to wear girl uniform .. she agreed and everyone accepted me very well .. i think because in our company, there was a senior instructor who was transgirl , thats why everyone was ok with me being a girl

but here in Australia, local airlines refused to give me a job because i was trans (happened long time ago, went for job interview in 2008)

Hi. Might that well-known European airline be Air France?  I ask the question as there is a well know case of an Air France steward (Andréa Colliaux) who transitioned and who was much talked about at the time. If I remember correctly, she may even have written a book about her experience.

Quote from: DianaVV on May 03, 2014, 03:15:51 AM
but here in Australia, local airlines refused to give me a job because i was trans (happened long time ago, went for job interview in 2008)

If that was for an Australian airlines I would have thought that would have broken an anti-discrimation rule or three.

Quote from: Donna E on May 03, 2014, 04:08:27 AM
Hi. Might that well-known European airline be Air France?  I ask the question as there is a well know case of an Air France steward (Andréa Colliaux) who transitioned and who was much talked about at the time. If I remember correctly, she may even have written a book about her experience.

Hi - yes, her blog is here:  http://andreacolliaux.canalblog.com/ (http://andreacolliaux.canalblog.com/)

I've had a quick look and it seems from the front page disclaimers that she's had to defend herself from a lot of crazies and ignorants.  Sigh! 

I know several TG woman working for australian airlines. From pilots to hostesses. It should not be a problem anymore

Hi Everyone

A brief update:  today I spoke to Human Resouces in my company, well, the Spanish arm of it anyhow.  Unsurprisingly, there are no case studies or directives on how to act in the case of someone wishing to change gender, but HR fully supports the right of the employee to pursue this as long as it does not impact on her ability to do her job. 

That at least is the theory.  So HR will help me verify what our health insurance company can or cannot do for me; they will assist with any conflict resolution if this is necessary; and of course any documentational changes when these are needed.

So far so good.  Now to speak to the three managers with whom I work.... Any idea of how many IQ points I shall need to lose on the day I report to work as a girl?  (Hint, it's an engineering company....) :D

I provided them a detailed roadmap based on the invaluable advice you have given so kindly in this thread.  Happy to share it if anyone wants it.

Hugs to y'all
Julia

Keep us posted okay?  ;)

I have not actually informed anyone about my transition yet...I am still waiting for the appointment with an Endo for T etc, in part to help sketch out a timeline for that.

However, I am dressing more and more male (including ties, more masculine haircut, dropping all pretense of attempting to wear "neutral" pants and whipping out my dress pants/vests from the nice Men's stores.

Funny thing.....the more I seem to present as male, the more positive my work experience gets. Projects and opportunities coming my way, my input being sought on all sorts of things. I am suddenly MUCH more visible and in the loop.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on May 12, 2014, 12:04:35 PM
Hi Everyone

So far so good.  Now to speak to the three managers with whom I work.... Any idea of how many IQ points I shall need to lose on the day I report to work as a girl?  (Hint, it's an engineering company....) :D
Hugs to y'all
Julia

Now that is a sexist sterotype an totaly inappropriate. Anyway as someone who has worn the crown and worked under people before,trust me you only lose IQ points when you get promoted, it is natures way of making sure actual productive work gets done. (Sorry workplace humor but how many of us have wanted to strangle our supervisors or someone in management. I'm the 2nd in charge at my work by the way).

Good luck Julia keep us informed

Hi everyone....  So today I met up over lunch with one of my managers (lots of dotted line reporting in my organisation), but he's the key person in Spain with whom I collaborate.   He's a lovely guy and very insightful and he says "Can I ask you, are you leading a double life? It's just that occasionally you come in with remains of mascara, and I'm sure you had lipstick on the other day..."    ::) 

Well, the intro was perfect.  The truth is that I have been using makeup for work - pushing the boundaries quite deliberately.   So from that, I was able to proceed directly to explaining my situation, and his response was wonderfully positive.  He shall work with me on the communiction plan for before I do my FFS and for when I come back as The Girl.

It certainly doesn't mean that the future is rosy or guaranteed.  But at least it does mean that, when I am ready to launch myself into a new reality at work, I will have his full support, and since he  heads up a key division of my company, this will be a major help.

Let's see what happens next... this is a really weird journey...!

J

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on May 14, 2014, 03:22:43 PM
Hi everyone....  So today I met up over lunch with one of my managers (lots of dotted line reporting in my organisation), but he's the key person in Spain with whom I collaborate.   He's a lovely guy and very insightful and he says "Can I ask you, are you leading a double life? It's just that occasionally you come in with remains of mascara, and I'm sure you had lipstick on the other day..."    ::) 

Well, the intro was perfect.  The truth is that I have been using makeup for work - pushing the boundaries quite deliberately.   So from that, I was able to proceed directly to explaining my situation, and his response was wonderfully positive.  He shall work with me on the communiction plan for before I do my FFS and for when I come back as The Girl.

It certainly doesn't mean that the future is rosy or guaranteed.  But at least it does mean that, when I am ready to launch myself into a new reality at work, I will have his full support, and since he  heads up a key division of my company, this will be a major help.

Let's see what happens next... this is a really weird journey...!

J

What I recently realized was that people are not so much interested in me as I had thought. At first, they show surprised reactions. But, no more reaction thereafter. Nowadays few people comment when I wear miniskirt at my work place, because I wear it nearly everyday. I miss those comments as people are loosing interest in my fashion.

barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on May 14, 2014, 03:34:57 PM
What I recently realized was that people are not so much interested in me as I had thought. At first, they show surprised reactions. But, no more reaction thereafter. Nowadays few people comment when I wear miniskirt at my work place, because I wear it nearly everyday. I miss those comments as people are loosing interest in my fashion.

Barbie, speaking theoretically, if I get to the point where I would not be a novelty in my workplace, this would be the greatest and happiest day for me!

Hi girls.. I thought I'd post a brief update...

Last Friday was a rather important day.  I needed to speak to my direct boss, my local team, and then visit my parents as a girl for the first time.

My direct boss took it totally in his stride.  We did a video call, as he works out of Italy, and I needed to send him a photo via Whatsapp to show that I wasn't going to be too scary to put in front of customers.  His comment to me was "If you're happy, I'm happy."  I was happy.

And then an intimate coffee and cookies get-together with the 6 people that make up the local team I work with on a day-to-day basis.  This was actually a bit harder and more stressful than I was expecting, but mainly because of stuff in my head.  I showed them a few pictures, received a few hugs, and I think everyone is happy.

So far so good.  On the 21st of July we will send out a formal announcement to the people in my work ecosystem, as I will be having FFS a couple of days later, and in August I do wish to return to the office as a girl.   Let's see how it goes.... no doubt the fun will start when I get back!

Congrats young lady!

I hope it all goes well (it will!)

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy on June 03, 2014, 09:23:33 AM
Congrats young lady!

I hope it all goes well (it will!)

Cindy

Thanks so much Cindy!!!    Gawd, I really hope so - I have been meticulous about all of this stuff.   There is a banana skin out there somewhere still....  ;D

Julia,

Can I give you one piece of advice from my experience?

Enjoy it!

In a few weeks or months you will realise the truth. You are a woman, nothing special, just a woman.
It is a glorious realisation when you understand that you are just ....... normal.

Rejoice in it :-*

You know Cindy, I was going to send a private message to your penultimate post, but your reply here pretty much anticipated everything I was going to say. 

It's just that my transition has been so much easier than I imagined, so comfortable and natural, and with many fewer obstacles than I was expecting.  All I want each day is to wake up, pretty myself up a bit, go out there and just be who I am and continue having fun. 

Everyone told me this was going to be a major obsctacle course.  So far, I'm just not finding that!  As I say, there must be a banana skin waiting somewhere...

Thank you for your advice!
Hugs
Julia

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on June 03, 2014, 09:11:42 AM
Hi girls.. I thought I'd post a brief update...

Last Friday was a rather important day.  I needed to speak to my direct boss, my local team, and then visit my parents as a girl for the first time.

My direct boss took it totally in his stride.  We did a video call, as he works out of Italy, and I needed to send him a photo via Whatsapp to show that I wasn't going to be too scary to put in front of customers.  His comment to me was "If you're happy, I'm happy."  I was happy.

And then an intimate coffee and cookies get-together with the 6 people that make up the local team I work with on a day-to-day basis.  This was actually a bit harder and more stressful than I was expecting, but mainly because of stuff in my head.  I showed them a few pictures, received a few hugs, and I think everyone is happy.

So far so good.  On the 21st of July we will send out a formal announcement to the people in my work ecosystem, as I will be having FFS a couple of days later, and in August I do wish to return to the office as a girl.   Let's see how it goes.... no doubt the fun will start when I get back!

Congrats.
I guess your personality and professional performance could have been more important in receiving such support.

In my case, I have changed my appearance gradually by stealth. I did not declare anything. People who have been closely with me are fine, but the problem is when I meet some people in a long time, and they show some surprised reaction at my change, asking those classical questions.

barbie~~

So, its 3 weeks to go before the boy ceases to exist at work.  I then get some FFS done and return as The Girl.  Meantime I have gradually been coming out to people and I have been astonished by how positive the responses have been.

At the beginning of June I was in Nice for a conference, together with 4 guys - we're a product development group - and one of them knows my situation and suggested I tell the rest of them.  Well, it was a non-issue - they met the girl after the working day was over, and after 30 minutes, it was totally normal. 

Then yesterday our entire team - we're 20 people in 15 countries - had our monthly call with our manager.  We're a close group and he and I agreed that it was time to tell them.   Well, his introduction brought tears to my eyes.  He basically said "One of our people, an excellent and competent colleague, has decided to change gender, and I want you to know that I fully support him and ask you to do the same.  In this group I want people to be happy, and if it will make you happy to change gender or change region, or whatever, I will support you."  He was actually warmer and more eloquent, but my mind was doing summersalts at that point, so I can't reproduce it better.

I know that my situation is pretty unusual, and I have been humbled by how positive my colleagues have all been.

 :-* :-* :-* :-*

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on June 28, 2014, 03:22:25 AM
I know that my situation is pretty unusual, and I have been humbled by how positive my colleagues have all been.

I would say the same for my own transition at work. Good luck, Julia.

Quote from: suzifrommd on June 28, 2014, 06:35:22 AM
I would say the same for my own transition at work. Good luck, Julia.

Thanks Suzi... I'll report back once I see how people react to me when I finally turn up as a girl in August! :D

Hi Everyone!  Today's my first day at work as a girl.  I decided to bring the date forward since my group is moving from one floor to another and it makes sense for me to arrive in the new place as The Girl.

Below is the note I sent to my 150 closest colleagues.  I received around 50 replies of support.  Let's see how it goes....

-------------------------------
Dear Colleagues

It is time to tell you some news that is important to me.  (and below you will find the same note in Spanish):  recently I took the step to recognise something that I have known consciously since the '90s and subconsciously for much longer- that I am transsexual. Since January I have been carefully putting many pieces into place so that I may transition to becoming a girl and living as one. Join me in celebrating a weird but joyous event!

Outside my work environment I made the change some months ago, and from today  I finish the change at work as well.  From this point onwards, to all practical extents I will be a girl.  Yes, I'm keeping my name, as it's gender-free in most places, and has some lovely meanings.

Our business relationship does not change – I am fully supported by the company and my role continues.  Share this news as you think necessary, but please be a little discreet.  And get used to calling me "she" - you can start this already!

You will meet me in version 2.0 from 11th of July, and you can see how I look on my Lync photo.

Questions are welcome.   

Warm regards
A

Cute!
Congrats and let us know how you go.

Congrats I hope it continues to go well. I to thought I was in a minority group of having a positive coming out at work experience. I am still in the honeymoon phase only 3 months full-time however work has been fantastic and made the transition to the correct me almost without skipping a beat and I too work for a larger global organization at the Director level in the oil and gas industry which is not known for being progressive at all on many levels let alone leading edge HR policies. I am delighted to hear of others having positive experiences and sharing. The number one piece of feedback I got was "you are so comfortable with this and it shows, that helped us allot and took out the awkwardness to a large extent"

It sounds like you are at the same place with yourself and this projects and others reflect it back as you have experienced it will only get better!

Thanks Erica... we need to show that all women are equally capable in whichever industry we choose.  I admire your courage... oil and gas... fantastic.  Good luck!!!

julia

Thanks Julia I took some big steps early on that set the stage for everything else to come. Funny thing you should mention the "capability of women " which really applies to the Boardroom in my organization and I wanted to leverage that as much as possible. I will share a bit of my story.......

Back in Jan. I flew to Houston (still in boy mode) as I went full-time in April. I set up a appointment with the Chief People Officer of the company who happens to be female , one of the longest standing Executives and sits on the Board of Directors and came out to her sharing my plans and goals. I had two reasons for this. The first main one was that she carried significant politcal organizational power and influnence especially with the CEO and to have her support would set the tone for the organization. The second reason was to get a read on the temperature of the organization to go the distance with me as policy is one thing having the backing and someone to set the tone at the highest levels is a whole other level.

I was super nervous Jan 05 , however when I came out and we talked for a good hour I walked out amazed and tremendously relieved. Depending how the meeting went I was either staying my first choice or planning for a job search. HR Policy alone was not good enough for me I wanted the political org. support. She was fully supportive and encouraging, becoming my support sponsor and she pulled in the CLC (Chief Legal counsel) who is also female as it turns out to help build out the legal support I needed just in case. She managed the Executive Management side of things which went really well.

From that point on it was still nerve wrecking till I came out in April as Erica. I announced it organizationally a month before I showed up at work as Erica. The reception and support has been overwhelmingly  positive and wonderful with even the client base and our contractors taking it in stride if they happen to know I am a special girl

I am currently recovering from FFS (full meal deal) and then I will be back at it with a new me to introduce again 

Julia keep moving forward and living a positive journey as it is important for us special girls to read but it is more important for the general population to see and experience this as well. We are just like everybody else on this blue marble wanting to enjoy, live, contribute and make a difference in our lives and others in a positive way.☺️

Hiya Erica

All the best with your FFS recovery - I'm 10 days away from going in for mine.

Wow - so you also appear to be with a rather progressive company.  Mine is kind-of weird - over 100,000 people and no formal LBGT policy.  I think the unofficial line is "who cares, as long as you do your job."  I'm in a strange position, in that I belong to a small global team, but also report locally for certain activities.  Using this was part of my strategy, and yes, I planned it in serious detail. 

When I came out, I started with our in-house medic and she opened the door to local HR where the woman is also regional HR head.  I provided her with a 4-page roadmap to be used in the case where there was no official policy for this (there wasn't!) and made it clear that HR needed to do very little for me.  I then spoke to my local manager, who by great fortune would have loved to have been a psychologist, but chose to become an engineer because it pays better.  He gave me massive support.  That was followed by my true international manager, and then by a local director who had told me he wants me on his team.  So I prepared two safely cusions in the case of my primary plan not working, which was to stay in my current team.  Oh, and I did speak to a friend in a totally different industry who had offered me an "if all else fails" position in his company.

I guess we must also recognise that we were reasonably empowered people before we made this change, and there's no doubt that this helped a lot.  I do feel for some of our younger sisters who are just starting out in their working lives and find themselves in front of prejudiced or uncomfortable recruiters.   

I have no idea what's going to happen next, though I am being transitioned into a more customer-facing role, which is an enormous show of support.  This week I have a few customer meetings, which wiill be quite illuminating.  I just hope they will be more interested in the message than in the messenger.

One thing which amused me is that, following my email announcement two days ago, it was clear that colleagues started looking for pictures of me.  I control my image quite carefully but there are a few old archival pics that Google has found of me.  And I subsequently received a modest flurry on Linked in connection requests.

Which brings me to a strange point where I would ask for your feedback.  Many people in your company now know you as a special girl.  Would you say this has affected your visibility (and opportunities) posiively, negatively, or not in any notable way?

Hugs from Madrid
Julia

Congratulaciones mi querida amiga, que todo marche a biento en popa,

carinos y besos !

P

Gracias Peky

De verdad no esperaba encontrar tanta gente tan positiva en mi empresa - he recibido un apoyo casi desmesurado!

Me parece que tienes que "organizar" una conferencia o lo que sea en Madrid... ;-)

Un abrazo fuerta!
J/A