Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm wondering how many of my fellow sisters were a bullied growing up? I was bullied and made fun of constantly growing up.  I was made fun of for having breasts that were bigger than some of the girls. Kids constantly made fun of me and told me I should be wearing a bra. So one day I went out and bought one and  I couldn't believe it that it fit.  I guessed the size perfectly. Maybe they were right. I bought a dress and it fit . I found peace and happiness because i was that little girl who needed a bra and dress. I loved wearing them. I loved feeling so feminine and free. I just did not realize it at the time. I was definitely transgender long before grade school  I knew at probably 4 years old that I was different. It took me along time to heal from all the horrible things that happened.  I am well on my way now to being me with no masks.Hugs Danielle

Yes, I was bullied some, but not to the extent that it really wounded me. As a teenager, I became a nerd and quiet loner, and learned how not to get noticed. After that, they left me alone for the most part. When I started college, I got a job on the graveyard shift of an all night super market. The stock crew was composed of some pretty tough guys, and I quickly learned that if I didn't become exactly like that, I would become road kill. So I learned how to at least act tough. I learned how to swear like a sailor, and make obnoxious remarks when a pretty girl walked in the store. If only those guys knew what I was really thinking. Anyway, it sort of worked, even though I knew I was acting.

Yes, savagely. I dropped out of school and have been bitter since, though I have survived.

I know I was bullied until I was 12 and feel out if the closet. Then things got a lot better . With the exceptions of high school girl world. That was a challenge at times

I was just thinking about this today (obviously not having a good day if I am thinking about this from decades ago).  I remember always being picked on for being so sensitive, which would only get me more teary eyed and then hence being more picked on.  There was some mixture of physical violence in there, with me never fighting back and trying to find a way to escape.  Looking back on it it was a very turbulent time in this regard, the bullying from when I was 6-14 years old.  It got me thinking Danielle, when you talked about having female physical traits at that young of an age, about my own situation.  It was true that, especially my emotionality and some social personality trait, was more on the female end of the stereotypical gender spectrum.  This and some of my early childhood fantasies, I believe, were a prelude to the gender dysphoria I experience today.       

Mercilessly.  It was bad from ages 6 through 15.  It was worst in 8th grade when I literally had zero friends and just wanted to die from the anxiety and depression.   Not to mention getting pummeled on almost a daily basis.  One day I came literally seconds from snapping and taking a bully's head off in gym class with an aluminum bat while he wasn't looking during a testosterone moment.

I did my best to turn it around in 9th grade, and people mostly left me the hell alone after I had grown a few inches over the summer and showed everyone by loosening the front teeth of the first bully I encountered on the first period of the first day in front of the entire class while the teacher went into the stockroom.  He later lost the teeth in another incident.

In 10th grade I was suspended for punching a bully in the face for trying to pick a fight with me in the middle of English class.  I was never bullied again.  By this time I was 6 feet tall, 185 pounds and raging full of testosterone and had learned how to fight.

yes

Mercilessly, psychologically, and still working it though with the shrink.  Serious damage, part of why I stay stealth.

A few "friends" I had back there when I was around 10-12 years old really mocked me because of my breasts... I remember very well how I used to run away from them and they were always pursuing me to give a few squeezes on my breasts. That was a sexual abuse. If I was a girl, then I could say "the boys were grabbing my boobs", but as a boy I felt embarassed of saying anything and I kept it to myself for years.

But overall I was always the chosen one. The one that everyone chooses to bully and make jokes. I grew very lonely because of this and I enclosed myself in a shell where no one could hurt me...the shell only broke last year.

Yep.  No idea why.  Nobody seemed to specify why they had a problem with me, at least that I can remember.

Missy, I too was savagely bullied.In 8th grade I left school during the middle of the day and went home. my parents called the school and NOT one of the kids apologized or was disciplined by the school.I could not wait to get out of there. I have forgiven those who bullied me the worst. It took a chance meeting with one of the ringleaders after we were adults and I confronted him and told him just how much he and his friends had hurt me. He apologized and I forgave him.  It took a chance meeting to allow me to put this in the past and move forward. I still feel the effects of it today. it was not easy to forgive but I needed to make peace with the past in order to move on. Fotallittook one of the earliest memories of my being transgender was going to swim at the home of one of my moms friends she had swim trunks that did not fit me and instead I wore a girls bathing suit. All the other kids made fun of me but it fit and felt so right for me. Danielle

Quote from: Caysee Danielle on February 18, 2014, 07:32:48 PM
Yep.  No idea why.  Nobody seemed to specify why they had a problem with me, at least that I can remember.

That one baffled me too.  I was the least offensive person, didn't bother anyone, didn't start problems.  Oh, that's right, I was the smart kid who wasn't very good at sports, didn't know how to fight and needed the girliness beaten out of him.  I might as well have had "kick me" tattooed on my forehead until I learned to assimilate into dudebro culture.

Quote from: danielle28 on February 18, 2014, 07:34:46 PM
Missy, I too was savagely bullied.In 8th grade I left school during the middle of the day and went home. my parents called the school and NOT one of the kids apologized or was disciplined by the school.I could not wait to get out of there. I have forgiven those who bullied me the worst. It took a chance meeting with one of the ringleaders after we were adults and I confronted him and told him just how much he and his friends had hurt me. He apologized and I forgave him.  It took a chance meeting to allow me to put this in the past and move forward. I still feel the effects of it today. it was not easy to forgive but I needed to make peace with the past in order to move on. Fotallittook one of the earliest memories of my being transgender was going to swim at the home of one of my moms friends she had swim trunks that did not fit me and instead I wore a girls bathing suit. All the other kids made fun of me but it fit and felt so right for me. Danielle

A similar thing happened to me about 2 years ago.   I was watching my friends play a crappy club and ran into the worst 8th grade bully of them all.  We actually had a pretty good conversation.  He (of course) became a semi-famous B-list punk rock guitar player and it turns out that we know a lot of the same people.   I think he probably felt like an idiot for being such a d-bag back then.  I'd like to see him again and ask him about the time he was pummeling me between classes, exclaiming, "You are such a f&*(ing WOMAN!"  I mean he HAS to know by now that I transitioned.

Natalie, I know your pain all too well.I never said anything either. Even after being held down on the bathroom floor by the boys and having my pants pulled down to see if I had a vagina. I'll never forget them saying he has breasts how come he doesn't have a vagina. I never reported it after I was threatened.I too loved being by myself.I did make some friends and played football. I always loved my alone time even today. I work at a job where I talk to a lot of people. When I am out of work. I love to be left alone and enjoy the peace and quiet.Hugs danielle

Jill, I have to tell you I love your posts. you are very much an inspiration to me as I continue on this journey so thank you for continuing to share your journey and inspire me. hugs danielle

Quote from: Jill F on February 18, 2014, 07:38:40 PM
That one baffled me too.  I was the least offensive person, didn't bother anyone, didn't start problems.  Oh, that's right, I was the smart kid who wasn't very good at sports, didn't know how to fight and needed the girliness beaten out of him.  I might as well have had "kick me" tattooed on my forehead until I learned to assimilate into dudebro culture.

Yes, I can relate to this.  Though most of the abuse was verbal or merely threatened violence.  I remember once in middle school it started to get more physical.  One day one of the only weaker kids in the class started to pick on me and so I pushed him across the classroom an pinned him to the wall.  funny thing was, the teacher sent him to the office and left me alone.  Never really figured that one out...

But most of the time I just tried to ignore it and fade into the background.

Yeah, I was a target all through childhood as well. I was called a crybaby, I was always an outcast with a love-hate relationship with the boys where one minute I'd be their friend and the next minute they'd all be laughing at me, I was teased for having a girl as a best friend, I was always called names for reasons that I don't even remember or understand, and then in middle school when my gender dysphoria really started, I just turned into one giant target. Both the boys and the girls made fun of me for wearing short shorts, singing soprano in choir, doing very feminine behaviors like crossing my legs, and just being effeminate in general. I even got beaten up a couple of times. And unfortunately, I internalized this teasing, and started hiding my feminine behavior for the sake of blending in, trying everything to get over it. And now 15 years later I've developed pretty significant amounts of social anxiety, and reclaiming my true self has been very difficult because I came so much to associate my female self with shame and fear.

Quote from: April Lee on February 18, 2014, 06:26:15 PM
Yes, I was bullied some, but not to the extent that it really wounded me. As a teenager, I became a nerd and quiet loner, and learned how not to get noticed.

thats what I did too,

Quote from: Caysee Danielle on February 18, 2014, 07:32:48 PM
Yep.  No idea why.  Nobody seemed to specify why they had a problem with me, at least that I can remember.

Yeah, same here. I eventually just learned how to hide myself (by hanging in the library), how to blend in, and how to talk my way out of fights because I was physically a shrimp. Thus most of the crap I took was verbal, although there was a fight or two that I lost LOL.....

The other way I escaped was by disengaging. In high school I scheduled my classes to avoid the masses, and I got out early to go to work. At nights I would find some alcohol somewhere and stay disconnected from everyone that way.

It sure would have been nice if someone had given me a clue as to why exactly they were abusing me but no one ever did.

Primary school was hellish.. Until about a month before it ended - the day I finally snapped and beat the biggest, meanest kid in school to a bloody pulp.. I later found out a teacher had seen the whole thing and only stepped in when the dude I was beating on had had enough..

HS was interesting.. The junior years were a little hellish, until once again I snapped and made someone leak blood. Later years was a mix of copping lots of crap at the same time as being one of the more popular people. I had the IDGAF attitude down and I knew how to party, which meant I was liked.. I was also a little queer-seeming, which made for lots of crap.

It was heart-warming to see 6 of the guys who'd given me hell in HS leap to my defence recently when some idiot had a go at me.. When I tried to thank them, I was told that they'd have done it for any of the girls.. :D Poor George did break his finger though. :(

Bullied literally throughout my entire school career, lived under parents who unknowingly put down everything I cared about, bullied in college, and to top it all off, I spent 4 years in an abusive relationship.......and people wonder why I have trust issues and anxiety. But looking on the bright side, I'm going to work hard at being the best girl I can be so I can rise above all of that. That and all of those years taught me how to not be a prick. XD

I personally believe that no matter how bad the things that happen to us may be. Everything we experience in this life continues to shape us into who we are. Yes it hurts, yes it can be unbearable, and yes it can certainly make you want to just give up and throw it all away, but if we didn't live under such strong flames and such crushing pressure, we poor pieces of coal would never become the diamonds that shine through the sand around us.

Quote from: danielle28 on February 18, 2014, 06:03:51 PM
I'm wondering how many of my fellow sisters were a bullied growing up? I was bullied and made fun of constantly growing up.  I was made fun of for having breasts that were bigger than some of the girls. Kids constantly made fun of me and told me I should be wearing a bra. So one day I went out and bought one and  I couldn't believe it that it fit.  I guessed the size perfectly. Maybe they were right. I bought a dress and it fit . I found peace and happiness because i was that little girl who needed a bra and dress. I loved wearing them. I loved feeling so feminine and free. I just did not realize it at the time. I was definitely transgender long before grade school  I knew at probably 4 years old that I was different. It took me along time to heal from all the horrible things that happened.  I am well on my way now to being me with no masks.Hugs Danielle

I understand where you are coming from Danielle.  I had breasts as a young teen too (MAAB).  I guess I was lucky in that by the time I was a freshman in high school, I was about 5' 10" and strong.

In my day, we showered after P.E. or athletic practices.  When a chirpy little sophomore tried to make fun of me the first week, and even poked my tit, I decked him, and sent him sprawling naked over the locker room bench.  No one messed with me after that.  Of course, I had about 4" and 40 lbs on him.

I was sweating bullets because I thought I was going to get into so much trouble.

I was bullied like it was our national sport. Then in 9th grade I snapped and attacked one of my tormenters and gave him a concussion that put him in the hospital for three days. No one bothered me after that or friended me either. I just did my own thing until graduation.

I didn't come out till after high school to my childhood and best friend. But before that I probably would have been bullied if I came out considering where I used to go to school. I wouldn't have been able to go unnoticed because of my over achieving sporting background with a good academic record and the fact that my group of friends and myself were the group everyone liked but no one hated for some reason. Well on the positive side of things, I can easily defend myself from people trying to physically harm me.

Haha, oh yeah. Never for anything trans related though.... I was always just the quiet easy target. Something I've come to realize though, in my ripe ol age of 23... The ones who bullied me were usually the ones worse off in their lives. Their home lives probably sucked, possibly being "bullied" themselves. So what else do you turn to? and their opportunities were most likely severely stunted. I'm a live and let live kind of person, and I have no qualms with anyone who has in the past bullied me or in the future bullies me. I've learned to embrace being weird and different, because it makes me happy and I don't really care what others think about the odd things I like or am or do. Words from the jealous and unhappy that are meant to put you down; They are words. Nothing more. Period. No matter how bad they sound. And you know? It took me a while to understand that. But I'm here. I'm relatively happy. And I've forgiven those that bullied me, past or future.
Sorry for the mini rant, though. Bullying has always been a touchy topic xD

Bullying made my life hell at school,I was a quiet timid kid with no friends(til they learned I could get served alcohol at 15).Up til age 13 I just tried to make it look like I was fighting so I could get my ass kicking over and done with quickly.I picked up some tips from a friend's older brother(I hung about with the outcast kids then,the ginger kid,the fat one,the one who stammered etc) and learned how to throw my weight behind a punch,how to stand side on so as to become less of a target and the like.I started fighting back and winning,I got into a ton of fights aged 14, my Dad offered me £5 if I could go a week without fighting,knowing it was a safe bet(£5 was quite a sum of money in 1972).
I kicked ass on our year's bully in front of the school one day,he swore revenge and I gave him a bloody nose at rugby on my 15th birthday.I got away with that but him and 2 of his goons beat the snot out of me in the locker room after the game.The PE teacher found me and asked who did it,told me they would pay for it and told me I was different to other boys and that was why I was picked on.I wasn't a rat,told him I would be OK and sort it out myself.Over the next 3 weeks I tracked them down and when they were alone I handed back the biggest ass kicking in their lives.Bullying wrecked my education,I couldn't wait to get out of school.Most of the scumbags who bullied me are dead,in jail or live in the bus station drinking metal polish!

No, I was never bullied. Having been born without the ability to back down and a well hidden but deep down anger through school, people quickly learned to leave me alone.
I was the champion of the outcasts though. Where we hung out at lunch, I later learned was called the Island of Misfit Toys.
The stutterer - Everyone picked on him until our junior year when he finally gave into my nagging and went out for the football team. Hard to pick on someone when you see him crush really big guys on a weekly basis. If they would have only known he was the most gentle person in the world, except...
The obese guy - Everyone called him Dolly. I moved to WV when I was twelve and they were calling him that then. I asked his older brother, who I played football with and was very thin, what happened. Three escaped convicts had broken into their home, shot and killed their father, shot and left for dead their older brother, threw the two of them into the trunk of their car with their mother and drove through three states before finally getting caught. He didn't talk to anyone more than he had to after that and ate everything in site. Thing is, everyone in the county knew this except me, and still they picked on him.
The girl who's breasts were overdeveloped way too early - She had her first breast reduction at the age of seventeen and still had to wear a brace to stand upright.
The guy with two extra pinky fingers instead of thumbs - Mousy little guy, but my God could he play the drums!
The tall thin guy - Almost 7' tall when he graduated and only weighed 165 lbs. Every called him Lurch.

People can be more cruel than I ever thought possible. Even though I know now that they tear others down in order to build themselves up, and it's all based on fear, I still sometimes wonder if the human race is worth saving.

Then I remember my older brother. When I was 5 we had worked in the garden all morning one Saturday morning. My grandmother gave us 25 cents for our hard work, so we walked three miles that afternoon to get a ice cream cone at a little country store. The door got hung up on the way out and I dropped my cone. He just handed me his cone and started walking home. I remember thinking as we shared his Ice cream on the way home,"I have the best big brother in the world."

We are no longer on the Island of Misfit Toys, we are now in the Town of Heart Hurt Girls. We can no longer hope things will be be better when we grow up. We ARE up. Whether older or younger we have many big sisters here who will share our pain.

:) Smile and the world smiles with you. If they don't, to hell with them!  ;)

Not much, despite going to a boys' school where there was often some severe bullying. In part I learned how to make myself 'invisible' plus I was surrounded by kids who were likely to be targets before me (mostly gay or mega nerds). Being one of the tallest kids at school probably helped...

I also cultivated friendships of sorts with a couple of tough kids, not bullies themselves but they moved in those circles. Probably helped deflect attention when they were looking for targets.

My gawd, we've got some bad-ass bitches on this site.  I thought I was the only one.

Yes. I was quiet, shy, and often withdrawn into the worlds of my daydreams. Almost always picked last for any team. When my teammates were frustrated at lack of athletic ability and coordination they would yell or mock me... and I would cry, earning the name crybaby early on. Halfway through kindergarten my parents already had me seeing the school psychologist on a daily basis. Kids in grade school and even my neighborhood growing up treated me like crap. I did make some friends but they often moved away, leaving me alone once more. Fortunately I made some good friends in the 7th grade and we stuck together in our little group all through high school. We were all a little nerdy and outcast in ways. We did some fun and stupid ->-bleeped-<- together. Those guys probably saved my life.


I'm curious, has anyone else watched the video "To this Day" by Shane Koyczan? It's all about being bullied, standing up to it, and realizing the beauty within. If you haven't watched it, I urge you to do so now:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY

Why is it that anybody with a sensative nature is instantly picked on no matter how you try to hide away in the background and try to dissappear from view.we do not want to be noticed but always are .Bullies seem to be able to see deep into your soul and see whatever you are trying to keep hidden and pick on you anyhow .I have been bullied all my life at school in the army in the workspace ..All I want is to be left alone and ignored but they will not allow it I have tried fitting in and doing all the things that are expected of Me but am never able to compete being small weak and bespectacled .Even in the army when I got fit and was as strong as most other people I was still targetted .I went drinking with them acted there way (or so I thought) but still could not fit in .What is it about us that they can instantly see that gives us away .I wish I knew LOL >:(

What, no one will admit to being a bully themselves?

Yes, I was bullied for being shy and sensitive, for being pudgy and thus boobs.  Once puberty started, got into trouble for attacking tormentors.

It's messed up.  In HS, we had so many kids that some of the nerds became bully nerds that bullied the other nerds.  That was my crew.  We weren't too bad and we targeted each other too.

I was bullied from age 8 into my high school years. I carry many emotional scars.

I was not gender variant per se when I was young. The bullying more had to do with being a bit of a loner and being socially clueless. Wherever I went - summer camp, a new school, even the kids who gathered when my family went to the beach - kids seemed to figure out I was vulnerable and pick on me.

I left childhood feeling that there must be something about me that made me intrinsically unlikable and was obviously to everyone who saw me. I still carry that feeling with me today.

Quote from: suzifrommd on February 19, 2014, 05:20:52 AM
I was bullied from age 8 into my high school years. I carry many emotional scars.
I left childhood feeling that there must be something about me that made me intrinsically unlikable and was obviously to everyone who saw me. I still carry that feeling with me today.

I have had and still do to some extent have exactly that feeling .