Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I now need help from all of you. I met a man last Saturday who asked me out on a date in three days. I was open and upfront with him when we first met about my status. He identifies as hetero, but still wants to take me out and find out about me and the transition process. He does not know really what to think about me, but said I was attractive and that did not change. It was just a normal chance meeting in a store so I have really no feeling he is a ->-bleeped-<- or has an agenda. I think we should go to an optometrist office for the date, but oh well that's just me. The problem is WHAT DO I DO? How do I act? How should I dress? Should I be factual or flirty? This is a big moment for me and I am totally lost. I am seriously freaking out here! My logic circuit is fried and I cant think straight. Help please! :-\ PLEASE!!!!! :-\

I'm not very good at this thing, but  all I can say is take it slow and be yourself

Awww. Im so happy for you gurrlll. :angel: Wish i could give you some advice, but i can't. :embarrassed: Cause im not really into dating yet. After my srs surgery i hope i will:angel:
I hope everything goes well.

I'm trying. It just seems like my pounding heart is going to explode the closer it gets. I cant believe I said yes. What was I thinking? :-\

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 19, 2014, 04:56:32 PM
I'm trying. It just seems like my pounding heart is going to explode the closer it gets. I cant believe I said yes. What was I thinking? :-\

brave new world

Quote from: stephaniec on February 19, 2014, 05:03:31 PM
brave new world

Starting to think I should have taken the red pill!*giggle* I sure didn't expect this so soon. I have been practicing my date night look all day long. It still isn't perfect! What if I screw up and represent us all badly? What do I do if he actually wants to see me again? ARGH! See, I am so messed up right now. Somebody get me a pillow, glass of water and a big hug. :-\

any lovers lanes near you or drive in movie theaters

Quote from: stephaniec on February 19, 2014, 05:16:26 PM
any lovers lanes near you or drive in movie theaters

:embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed:
OMG! I hadn't even thought about that yet! ARGH! :-\

For a first date I say normal casual clothes and a touch more then everyday make-up ^_^

Have a blast   :icon_flower:

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 19, 2014, 05:29:32 PM
:embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed:
OMG! I hadn't even thought about that yet! ARGH! :-\

well, lets see, two mature adults on a date in a big city. Hmmmmm

Quote from: Natallie553 on February 19, 2014, 05:51:36 PM
For a first date I say normal casual clothes and a touch more then everyday make-up ^_^

Have a blast   :icon_flower:

Thank You so much! I just hope I remember how to breathe again by then. :-\

Quote from: stephaniec on February 19, 2014, 05:55:15 PM
well, lets see, two mature adults on a date in a big city. Hmmmmm

You're killing me Stephanie! ;D Thanks for getting my mind off of the whole thing.*giggle* ;D Love ya girl! :-*

I guess I am scared about Pandora making a prison break! ;)

you'll be all right , It will be all spontaneous fun plus I think it's your virgin date.

Quote from: stephaniec on February 19, 2014, 06:05:29 PM
you'll be all right , It will be all spontaneous fun plus I think it's your virgin date.

Thanks Stephanie! Just nervous. :-\

I honestly can't say anything about new dating as I am happily married. But what I think outfit/make-up all depends on the type of date. Lunch date requires a different outfit then a nice dinner date. You are lovely and he sees that in you so just be yourself. He was attracted to you, he asked you out so that is a positive sign I thing. You just be yourself on whatever date you two have. You'll be fine and he clearly doesn't need to go to the optometrist. You're a beautiful woman and he sees that so Woooooooooo you go girl getting dates!!!

Listen to all the cues, not just the ones you want to see. Just be your normal friendly self.

and share the details when you get back.

Quote from: LordKAT on February 19, 2014, 06:10:50 PM
and share the details when you get back.

Still unsure if I want to know them! *giggle* :)

Thanks Hayley for the advice! :)

Jessica, im no expert but you really need to be you. Wear what you normally wear. Do your hair and makeup like usual. If he's for real then you need to be you.

All the best of luck!

Quote from: Boca.Lisa on February 19, 2014, 07:00:30 PM
Jessica, im no expert but you really need to be you. Wear what you normally wear. Do your hair and makeup like usual. If he's for real then you need to be you.

All the best of luck!

Thanks Lisa!

No need to freak out.  I found out just last year that being yourself is infinitely easier than expending unnecessary energy pretending to be a dudely dude.

Breathe. Relax.

You'll do just fine.

Quote from: Jill F on February 19, 2014, 07:46:49 PM
No need to freak out.  I found out just last year that being yourself is infinitely easier than expending unnecessary energy pretending to be a dudely dude.

Breathe. Relax.

You'll do just fine.

Thanks Jill. I just looked up breathing on Wiki. Did you know we have to do it to survive? Who would have thought. ::) I am just really nervous about it. My first time on this side. ;D

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 19, 2014, 07:50:05 PM
Thanks Jill. I just looked up breathing on Wiki. Did you know we have to do it to survive? Who would have thought. ::) I am just really nervous about it. My first time on this side. ;D

feel free to report on every thing that happens we won't say a word

Quote from: stephaniec on February 19, 2014, 07:56:33 PM
feel free to report on every thing that happens we won't say a word

OK, now I am worried. That is just what the KAT said.  ;D *giggles* :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 19, 2014, 07:58:34 PM
OK, now I am worried. That is just what the KAT said.  ;D *giggles* :)

Oh its none optional we want to know alllll the details . lol  ::)

What great news! I hope you'll accept a little more minxish advice from a woman who has been on dates with a number of men. I alway present my best self. I dress pretty, but not sexy (guys DON'T need that encouragement). And I always listen to The Pretenders "Brass in Pocket" before the date. And remember, that you always have brass in pocket. 

Be safe. Stay public. Life is a good thing for the living.

Jane

Well this is great news indeed! To think just a few months ago you were saying you couldn't post a pic of yourself on the forum because you'd break the server, to going full time within a matter of says of trying RLE and now a date! You go girl!

It can be difficult to read guys and their real intentions. He may be a charmer and I hope he is a really nice guy but until you get a good sense of him I'd suggest playing it safe, keep it in public, drive yourself, don't get tipsy so you can stay in control of the situation, consider paying for your half of the meal (otherwise he might be considering "compensation"). Go slow, only let him get to first base...if that! As others have said, be yourself, but flirting might give him certain signals and ideas that you're putting out which can make some guys dangerous. I'd wait until you get a bit more dating experience before trying the flirting. I'm not trying to sound like a wet blanket, and I'm hardly one to talk about dating experience I just want you to have a great time and a safe time.

During the date, does the guy talk about himself? Too much, not enough? A big noter or avoiding anything about himself? Both should send alarm bells. Personally I'd avoid talking about your transition on a first date, difficult since it is such a major part of your life right now. If you want him to regard you as a woman then talking about transition is a sure fire way to upend that. I'm sure you have plenty to talk about regardless!

Most importantly...have fun!!!  ;D

Quote from: Natallie553 on February 20, 2014, 07:28:59 AM
Oh its none optional we want to know alllll the details . lol  ::)

*giggle* I am starting to see a trend here! ;D

Thanks Grace! I hadn't thought of your idea's yet. So lets see, no transition talk (or minimal if it comes up), don't get too uninhibited and walk softly and carry an expandable baton. Got you! *giggle* ;) Thanks for the help. I needed this a lot as my brain seems to be on a little vacation right now. :)

Good luck , have fun and be safe =)

Just be yourself and have fun. Whatever happens, the experience as a whole will be good for you.

Good luck

Thanks everybody! The kind words and advice are helping a LOT. I am shifting towards "OMG what have I done" to more of a "Just be yourself and relax" mode. Sorry for the jitters I had earlier. You all mean the world to me! :) Cant promise I wont be nervous when he picks me up though. ;)

That's really exciting Jessica, I was having palpitations just reading that thread (somewhere in the darkness a voice shouted "CLEAR", there was a crackling sound and then the lights came on again) Whew!
I don't know if I have anthing to add, the other girls seem to have covered the bases. So, it was: be yourself, relax, breathe (we need a url for the wiki article), have fun, stay safe, stay public, dress cute, think like Crissie Hynde, don't over do the maquillage, don't under do the maquillage and last but HARDLY least...
details!

People like to talk about themselves.

Let him. :)

Ask questions. Find out what makes this person tick. That serves two purposes. You indulge his desire to impress you, and you don't have to divulge anything about yourself that you don't want to.

If you get to the time he went out on a stag party, bare ass naked with toilet tissue hanging from his nose and butt cheeks flapping in the wind, you know you're on to a winner. ;)

Good luck, Jess. You deserve some happiness. *hugs*

Quote from: EllieM on February 20, 2014, 02:51:09 PM
details!
[/font]

Everyone is saying that lately! *giggle* Just read USA Today on Sunday, jeesh! *MAJOR GIGGLES* ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on February 20, 2014, 03:10:37 PM
Good luck, Jess. You deserve some happiness. *hugs*

Thanks baby! *huggles back*

Quote from: Sephirah on February 20, 2014, 03:10:37 PM
People like to talk about themselves.

Let him. :)

This ties into a point that I'd like to make.

In the dating scene women have the power.

YOU control the date dear. YOU have that power. Using the power in subtle ways to control or direct the date is a smart thing to do. If done correctly it leaves the guy wondering what went on and wanting more. Letting the guy talk is smart, and it gives you what you need to know.

Oh, and remember to have fun :)

Quote from: Eva Marie on February 20, 2014, 03:45:33 PM
In the dating scene women have the power.

That could be both a little good and a whole lot bad in my case! *giggle* ;D Thanks for the input sis. :)

Oh wow, I'm new but congrats! I am however a dating veteran so I offer the following words of advice:

1. Post possible outfit choices here. Really hard to talk about outfits in terms of separate pieces and without having a better sense of your body type.

2. Stereotypically, you have control until you sleep together because he's attracted to you and wants to get in your pants. Then it's unpredictable what happens. So women call the shots on the first date.

3. If you're attracted to him but don't want to sleep with him on the first date, you have to find artificial ways to have the optimal amount of physical contact. The classic thing is don't shave your legs and wear ugly underwear so your vanity takes over, have the date far away from both your places so you're not tempted to go back, and don't let him follow or drive you home.

4. If you *do* want to sleep with him then find a natural way to indicate you're interested. If you wear heels it becomes natural for you to take his arm for support. Pick a restaurant where the tables are small enough for your legs to touch. When they do, let the contact linger. Usually that's enough but if he's shy you can say something more suggestive as long as you do it flirtatiously. My classic method is to lower my chin, bat my eyelashes, and say something like "So what do you say we go back to my place?"

Ummmm, that's all I can think of right now. If you ask more specific questions I'd be happy for more opinions. Best of luck! So exciting!  :)

Quote from: mandonlym on February 22, 2014, 02:32:22 AM
Oh wow, I'm new but congrats! I am however a dating veteran so I offer the following words of advice:

1. Post possible outfit choices here. Really hard to talk about outfits in terms of separate pieces and without having a better sense of your body type.

2. Stereotypically, you have control until you sleep together because he's attracted to you and wants to get in your pants. Then it's unpredictable what happens. So women call the shots on the first date.

3. If you're attracted to him but don't want to sleep with him on the first date, you have to find artificial ways to have the optimal amount of physical contact. The classic thing is don't shave your legs and wear ugly underwear so your vanity takes over, have the date far away from both your places so you're not tempted to go back, and don't let him follow or drive you home.

4. If you *do* want to sleep with him then find a natural way to indicate you're interested. If you wear heels it becomes natural for you to take his arm for support. Pick a restaurant where the tables are small enough for your legs to touch. When they do, let the contact linger. Usually that's enough but if he's shy you can say something more suggestive as long as you do it flirtatiously. My classic method is to lower my chin, bat my eyelashes, and say something like "So what do you say we go back to my place?"

Ummmm, that's all I can think of right now. If you ask more specific questions I'd be happy for more opinions. Best of luck! So exciting!  :)

Thanks Mandonlym!
1. Wardrobe chosen. Not too desperate, but not to disinterested. Took me forever to get the right balance.
2. Loving this part, a lot! Going to want him calling again.
3. Optimal contact, of course. Poor guy!
4. Never on the first date no matter how much begging.
5. Paramedic crew on standby if I hyper ventilate when he shows up. *giggle*
Freak out scale of 1-10, about a 6 right now. :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 22, 2014, 07:34:16 AM

1. Wardrobe chosen. Not too desperate, but not to disinterested. Took me forever to get the right balance.

You've already chosen your outfit and there's still light out? You're doing better than 99% of cis-women! :)

Ahhhh!!! So exciting!!! I remember my first date from a zillion years ago. It was with one of my closest friends. I even have pictures. :)

But also remember that this will be the first of many so don't put too much pressure on yourself!

Quote from: mandonlym on February 22, 2014, 08:31:18 AM
You've already chosen your outfit and there's still light out? You're doing better than 99% of cis-women! :)

I sure hope he thinks so! *giggles* ;D

Still trying to find a good balanced look for the makeup though! Not too little and definitely not overkill. ;)

BTW, if your date's name is Winter, give him a letter for me.

(https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/t1/1897903_10152223028351645_107183048_n.jpg)

Quote from: LordKAT on February 22, 2014, 08:52:32 AM
BTW, if your date's name is Winter, give him a letter for me.

(https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/t1/1897903_10152223028351645_107183048_n.jpg)

LMAO!!! Leave it to the KAT! I love you furball. You make my day every time. Did I tell you about the new leopard print body shaper I just got? ROWR!*giggle* ;)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 22, 2014, 08:49:48 AM
Still trying to find a good balanced look for the makeup though! Not too little and definitely not overkill. ;)

I think the makeup in your pic looks great! Maybe just a *tad* eye-heavy... taupe mascara can work wonders for giving blondes like us that natural look, and I tend not to line the bottom rim of my eyes. My look is super-natural so I usually just go with curling eyelashes, taupe or brown mascara, and lip gloss on first dates unless it's to go out dancing.

So I guess it all kind of depends where you're going and how well-lit it is. I'm vain enough that I try to pick restaurants I've been to where I know the lighting looks good on me. :)

Quote from: mandonlym on February 22, 2014, 10:00:20 AM
I think the makeup in your pic looks great! Maybe just a *tad* eye-heavy... taupe mascara can work wonders for giving blondes like us that natural look, and I tend not to line the bottom rim of my eyes. My look is super-natural so I usually just go with curling eyelashes, taupe or brown mascara, and lip gloss on first dates unless it's to go out dancing.

So I guess it all kind of depends where you're going and how well-lit it is. I'm vain enough that I try to pick restaurants I've been to where I know the lighting looks good on me. :)

Great tips! Going to try them right now. ;)

*sneaks in*

Majorly congrats!! Im honestly not surprised you got a date...have you seen you? You're lovely!

I really want to know how things go...I am so very happy for you!

Okay ill go back to where I belong now...

Quote from: FlightyBrood on February 22, 2014, 02:01:30 PM
*sneaks in*

Majorly congrats!! Im honestly not surprised you got a date...have you seen you? You're lovely!

I really want to know how things go...I am so very happy for you!

Okay ill go back to where I belong now...

yes, upload some pictures of the date

Jessica,

Listen, care, laugh and be yourself.  You will do great.  Congrads!

Hugs,

Jen

You are amazing! You will knock this date out of the park! Can't wait to hear how well it went!

Hi everyone! It was fantastic! Even though he identified as a cis male hetero he still treated me like a real lady. He escorted me, opened doors and even pulled my chair out for me. He was a little nervous at first which I thought would out me, but after a while when he saw no attention being paid, he relaxed a lot. We had dinner at Red Lobster and then took a long drive to have privacy for talking. He was very interested in why and how I was doing with my transition. He learned all I knew as far as process and terminology and even said it would be worth his companies time to have an inservice to convey the information to his co workers. A big plus for us all. He then dropped me off and gave me a nice hug. He said he would really have to think about if he could have a relationship with me, but I was attractive and more feminine than most cis girls he has dated. Trust me, I really gave him something to think about because I was looking and feeling fine that night. All in all he was VERY respectful, courteous and a total gentleman. So I would say my first date as the real me was a total success. I do hope he calls again, he was really cute! If not he gave me a night I will never forget as long as I live.  :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

I want to thank everyone for their support. It meant a lot! :)

Hi Jessica ,

these are great news , i am so happy for you (and a little jealous  ;) )

Jessica i am sitting here tearing up!!!! that sounds like the most LOVELY night, and you deserve it. i am so glad that it went well.

when i mentioned your thread updated, my boyfriend asked how it went, and when i told him he cheered and clapped!

heres hoping he calls again-if not you got a wonderful first date as the real you, and you definitely made a difference in his life. Keep us posted on if he ever calls again! congrats, congrats, i am so happy this was honestly the cherry on the top of a great day for me.

I wish you all the best in the whole world!

Quote from: FlightyBrood on February 24, 2014, 12:10:28 AM
Jessica i am sitting here tearing up!!!! that sounds like the most LOVELY night, and you deserve it. i am so glad that it went well.

when i mentioned your thread updated, my boyfriend asked how it went, and when i told him he cheered and clapped!

heres hoping he calls again-if not you got a wonderful first date as the real you, and you definitely made a difference in his life. Keep us posted on if he ever calls again! congrats, congrats, i am so happy this was honestly the cherry on the top of a great day for me.

I wish you all the best in the whole world!

Thanks baby! It was so awesome! :)

Thats so awesome Jessica  :D

Quote from: FalsePrincess on February 24, 2014, 12:26:20 AM
Thats so awesome Jessica  :D

Thanks Princess! Sure was a confidence booster. :)

Yay for you Jessica!

 :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

Pfft I leave you alone for FIVE minutes and your off having dates!!!

congrats babe

rads xxx

Wonderful news, I'm so happy for you! Sounds like he's a really nice guy, respectful and thoughtful!

Congratulations on an awesome night :)

Its lovely to here that somebody out there can be so friendly and accepting .You are such an awsome girl to be confident and self assured to do that .I realy realy hope He comes back to you and gives a relationship a real chance .You go girl .You know WE are all Jealous LOL ;)

Quote from: FlightyBrood on February 24, 2014, 12:10:28 AM
Jessica i am sitting here tearing up!!!! that sounds like the most LOVELY night, and you deserve it. i am so glad that it went well.

Jessica,

Agree with above.  To teary to write more, so happy for you.

Hugs,

Jen

Quote from: radsi on February 24, 2014, 01:39:29 AM
Pfft I leave you alone for FIVE minutes and your off having dates!!!

40 years of repressed Jessica! He had no idea how dangerous it was. ;D

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 24, 2014, 09:06:16 AM
40 years of repressed Jessica! He had no idea how dangerous it was. ;D

I'm soooo glad your first date was such a fun success!! *hugs*  :-*  It sounds like he may be dieing to call you back. I hope he does so soon, because I want to hear more!  ;D ;)

Jessica Jessica Jessica. Whew! Ich bin a bissel farklempt maydeleh! Wow that is SO super. (catching my breath here...)
Right then...
Carry on.

Congratulations Jessica, It sounds like you had a wonderful time and you date sounds like a very nice guy. I am very happy for you.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 24, 2014, 09:06:16 AM
40 years of repressed Jessica! He had no idea how dangerous it was. ;D

I know what you mean. Someone recently asked if my personality would change and I said "no, I'll still be me" but I realised that was a lie the second i said it, Grace is way more outgoing and expressive than "dude me"...

Hurrah! That's one date under your belt. Here's to many more! We hope he calls but remember you don't have to settle for the first one. ;)

Quote from: Ms Grace on February 24, 2014, 01:29:16 PMGrace is way more outgoing and expressive than "dude me"...

I know what you mean! I am a total 180 degree's from "him". Feels good, huh soul sister! ;D

Once again Jessica, you prove yourself to be my hero.

Jessica,

   I'm sooo happy for you! I'll never forget my first date either. I'm still with him after 16 months. There's definitely someone out there for you, but having gotten a great first date under your garter belt, your next date will be less nerve-wracking and fearful, but no less exciting. There wasn't anything any of the other girls have told you I don't agree with, but even if he wants a second date, be careful and be safe. I know there are guys in this world who only look at transwomen as the women we are, because I have one. Hugs, Mira