Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: Polo on February 20, 2014, 10:10:44 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Male acquaintances trying to hug me - misgendering? How to approach
Post by: Polo on February 20, 2014, 10:10:44 PM
Post by: Polo on February 20, 2014, 10:10:44 PM
I'm wondering if anyone has had this experience:
I'm seeing a woman who identified as a Lesbian when we met. She has since changed that to Queer (no pushing on my part, who am I to mess with someone's identity?) However, she has many friends who know her as a Lesbian, and when we first started dating she avoided pronouns for me, so most of them assumed I was a very Butch Dyke and treated me like a masculine woman.
Male friends of hers would hug me. My family is Italian and everyone is naturally "huggy" so it didn't phase me at first, but I started to notice that they wouldn't hug each other, only the women. We have since worked out proper pronouns but I feel like the hug expectation is still there, and it weirds me out a little.
Does anyone have thoughts on how to deal with this? Or how to smoothly escape a hug and go for a handshake without being offensive?
I'm seeing a woman who identified as a Lesbian when we met. She has since changed that to Queer (no pushing on my part, who am I to mess with someone's identity?) However, she has many friends who know her as a Lesbian, and when we first started dating she avoided pronouns for me, so most of them assumed I was a very Butch Dyke and treated me like a masculine woman.
Male friends of hers would hug me. My family is Italian and everyone is naturally "huggy" so it didn't phase me at first, but I started to notice that they wouldn't hug each other, only the women. We have since worked out proper pronouns but I feel like the hug expectation is still there, and it weirds me out a little.
Does anyone have thoughts on how to deal with this? Or how to smoothly escape a hug and go for a handshake without being offensive?
Title: Male acquaintances trying to hug me - misgendering? How to approach
Post by: TrojanMan on February 20, 2014, 10:25:31 PM
Post by: TrojanMan on February 20, 2014, 10:25:31 PM
Try doing the bro hug, were you grab hands and pat the other guys back twice
Title: Re: Male acquaintances trying to hug me - misgendering? How to approach
Post by: Aussie Jay on February 20, 2014, 10:33:17 PM
Post by: Aussie Jay on February 20, 2014, 10:33:17 PM
I haven't had this for a while but generally I keep my feet planted and extend my hand for a hand shake - make no further advancement, other wise do as suggested above and go for the bro hug. Just be firm about it until it becomes second nature for the other guy if he is still adjusting etc...
j.
j.
Title: Re: Male acquaintances trying to hug me - misgendering? How to approach
Post by: Polo on February 24, 2014, 11:25:32 AM
Post by: Polo on February 24, 2014, 11:25:32 AM
Guess I need to practice initiating the bro hug lol, thanks for the responses, guys.
Title: Re: Male acquaintances trying to hug me - misgendering? How to approach
Post by: dalebert on February 24, 2014, 11:52:49 AM
Post by: dalebert on February 24, 2014, 11:52:49 AM
Ugh. I hate the bro hug. I understand taking advantage of it for this particular situation though. The bro hug is just so homophobic, like guys are afraid the other guy will feel their erection through their pants or something. "Oh no! Mustn't risk getting turned on by close proximity to another guy!" It's mild affection converted into mild violence. So typical for modern guys. hehe. I suppose the bro hug is less homophobic than avoiding guy-on-guy hugs altogether.