Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So last night me and my boyfriend got into a heated argument. He has said this before and it really hurts my feelings and makes me feel really self consikus and depressed. He said I my body looks like a football player. That I have huge giant shoulders and a big rib cage.

I am now so paranoid about it. I am 5"3 and everything else about me passes like my face, my shoe size. Now I am terrified I will look terrible in women's clothes and that I have a huge bulky body that will not allow me to pass as female. Can you guys give me HONEST opinions and help me and tell me what I should do I am really upset

s271.photobucket.com/user/momenttt/library/Mobile%20Uploads?sort=3&page=1

All the pics should be in that mobile upload album if they are not tell me and I will fix the link.

P.s I know I look sloppy and I am standing on a chair but it's only so you can see my body and I really wanted to just take some pictures fast.


I have passed as female without even doing my makeup or trying at all sometimes having a 5'o'clock shadow, but I always felt set conscious of my weight and I always wear hoodies and jackets and northfaces so maybe that is the only reason I have been passing and I am just doomed to wearing huge bulky clothing to cover up my huge gross body

The link is broken.

Thanks Akira I fixed it.

I just want to add that I do not expect to pass 100 with my body as of right now since it has not even really begub to shape from hormones, I mean even with changes is my shape just too many to pass? Like my neck being too thick and my shoulder just too hug?

Hi LHDC,

From what you've said about your BF, I'd be inclined to find another. One who is not as rude and callous as this one. Argument or no argument.

There are plenty of women who have broad shoulders, so there's no issue there. There are better ways to accent your body other than hoodies that you may wish to look into and get some local advice.

I hope you are able to put this matter behind you quickly, as you've already mentioned you pass quite well already.

Huggs
Catherine

P.S. the link still doesn't work. Also let HT work it's wonders. You must remember there are plenty of women with thick necks as well.

Your shoulders are a little large. I wouldn't say they are they are a *big* problem. (no pun intended).

I don't think your shoulders look thaaaat big, but HRT can help you reducing muscle mass on your neck and shoulders.... Also, with 5'3 you have the average women height, what helps a lot! And if you said you can pass, your shoulders aren't a problem at all! The problem seems to be your bf...

HRT will help you eliminate a lot of the muscle mass you have on your upper torso (considering that you will be avoiding exercising there), giving your body a more feminine shape.

@Akira
Well how large are we talking? And what do you mean they aren't a big problem isn't that one of the top reasons people are not able to pass and look silly in women's clothes?

@natalia
Thanks for the reply I know I am fmreally annoyed with my boyfriend.

The biggest issue is I do not work out so there is no muscle there my torso is just that big.......

My arms are fatty but there is a muscle in that bicept are but only when I flex. Again it's mostly bone and fat because I have not worked out since I was 15 and am now 21

Unless I have natural muscle just from being male there that I just think is fat?

I can't see anything I dont see walking around day-to-day elsewhere..

I think you can lose a lot through diet and exercise before HRT and HRT will help them waste further.

Yes, you will have large shoulders for a woman after, like most of us. Then you will do what most other women, trans or otherwise, do when they have some part of their body they don't like, downplay it with suitable clothing choices, posture and make up (the makeup isn't for shoulders though!)

I think, like you say, if the rest of you is fine, then you should be OK.

You should lose any body fat that you want to lose before HRT. losing fat is hard after. Losing muscle after is easier.

Quote from: l0nghairdontcare on February 22, 2014, 12:06:44 PM
@natalia
Thanks for the reply I know I am fmreally annoyed with my boyfriend.

The biggest issue is I do not work out so there is no muscle there my torso is just that big.......

My arms are fatty but there is a muscle in that bicept are but only when I flex. Again it's mostly bone and fat because I have not worked out since I was 15 and am now 21

Unless I have natural muscle just from being male there that I just think is fat?

Hi , in my oppinion you don't have to worry, it is no problem with your shoulders , especially that HRT will change the fat distribution , not only will reduce muscle mass . Your real problem is your boyfriend not your body , even if you'd have a physical flaw like we all have , i just don't see why he would try to offend you .

If I were desperate to pass as male, I'd wear what you're wearing in those photos. Those clothes are designed to not flatter, indeed accentuate shoulders and annihilate hips. Also, that camera angle will make anyone's shoulders look larger than life.

You look fine to me. I agree with Catherine - find another boyfriend, one who will treat you with more respect.

You look fine, and I agree with others that you need a better, kinder boyfriend more than anything. :)

5'3" is shorter than the American female average (5'5"), plus you have very long hair - I was often mistaken for a girl when I had obviously not shaved in days and was dressed as a guy, just b/c I had longer hair and am not super tall (and I'm 5'7"). In my own experience, in other words, people see short stature and long hair as HUGE female markers. Your shoulders don't look disproportionate either, and while you don't have much of a waist or hips yet, HRT will fix that.

Aerobic exercises such as running and biking are good for loosing fat without intensifying muscle. To loose body fat, you need to exercise at least 40 minutes.

barbie~~

I won't look at your pictures or make comments on the accuracy of your boyfriends assessment, but he is an ass. Make no mistake about that. If he truly loves you he would not make such comments. In fact, he would not care about such things. He shouldn't even notice such things, and if he did he should love you for being just the way you are.

I have come to realize there is (often) a big problem in dating cis people. Any deviation form the norm they can see in us they ascribe to our condition. In simple terms they are holding us responsible for masculine traits that we may have, something they'd never do if we were cis. Cis people often confuse being a good friend with being an oppressive ass. They think they are being helpful and kind when they rub our noses in our flaws.

I've wasted a lot of time on dating and trying to ahve meaningful relationships with cis men. All of my relationships have been bad. I'm not saying such a relationship is impossible, but from my experience they are unlikely. Most often cis men aren't pure in their motives when they date us. They like to think they are, but they always end up saying or doing something that reveals they don't really think of us as real women, because if they did they wouldn't say or do such things. Cis people like to hold us to an impossible standard that they don't even hold themselves to. Inappropriate treatment of trans-people is totally okay in the cis world. They even think they are being kind and helpful when they do it O_o

I like men. I really do. I think they are sex and they have the ability to make me feel attractive and good about myself. Recently though, it has occurred to me that I haven't been completely innocent myself in perpetuating my relationship troubles. I was talking to a friend who mentioned that what she thought of as most important in a relationship was not so much the sex but rather things as having a nice dinner and a deep meaningful conversation. Thinking back on my relationship I have come to realize the men I've been with have merely been props with really hard penises attached to them. Sure the sex is great for the 10-15 minutes it lasts, but the rest of the time I've been spending with a one-dimensional being who's sole purpose is to be an instrument in my pursuit of what I deem to be an appropriate role as a woman. It has left me feeling rather lonely and empty. Next time around I'm going to substitute the rock-hard-penis check box on my list with soul-mate check box, even if it means being in an asexual relationship. Hell, even being single for the rest of my life is better than that. Life is simply to short and precious to be wasted on hollow relationships who's sole purpose is to conform to some crazy shallow idea of what is to be a woman.

I never understood how trans people could possibly want to be in relationships with each other. A few years back I went to Thailand for a BA. At the clinic there were two patients who were obviously in a relationship. I thought it was preposterous and I just couldn't understand them. Today however, after realizing what a hollow existence I've been living I realize that they are probably the happier and smarter of us. Being in a relationship with someone who understand what it is like and never ever judge must be peace of mind if one can figure out how to make such a thing work.

Sorry about the rant. I just have a lot on my mind these days. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship endeavors. Just be careful expecting cis people to act in your best interest. They rarely do, even when they try to.

Quote
Next time around I'm going to substitute the rock-hard-penis check box on my list with soul-mate check box,

I am sorry to be crude, but the point is valid... is it too much to ask for both?

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on February 23, 2014, 08:24:12 AM
I am sorry to be crude, but the point is valid... is it too much to ask for both?

No, but if I have to choose I will from now on choose the latter. Judging from my experiences so far having both is a rather tall order. As it turns out, I can live without the form, but not without the latter....apparently. I don't know how much longer life will last, but however long or short it might last I really need for it to be good. I want out now cause I'm cooked. I want salvation. I want to be able to draw my last breath knowing it was all good and worth it.

(If anyone disagree with me and feel the need to, this would be the time to blame my misfortune and dismiss my current views on grounds of my flawed character and poor judgment in choosing the people I let into my life)

Sounds like your boyfriend is a trans-misogynist, there are many cis-women who come in a vast range of shapes and sizes (including your body type). One of my best friends has your exact body shape! You need to check him gurl. It's ironic that he'd make such a crude remark seeing as he's your boyfriend? If i were you, i'd manipulate the insult and turn it back onto him so he knows how upsetting having someone exacerbate insecurities. Best of luck!

It does strike me that if a mtf starts with a female partner, people often allow for time for them to go through denial and anger before acceptance and supportiveness. His partner is probably doing something similar and should be afforded the same allowance before recommendations of 'get rid' are valid.

"His" partner?

sorry, I got confused, because I was in that position, and regarded myself at the time, pretransition as such. Plus pre-transition is a hard time for pronouns :-/

I'll just reiterate what Kiera said. You can do A LOT thru diet and exercise, especially diet. I think a strict low calorie diet would help you wonders.

If you asked your BF for his honest opinion, I don't think he was overly rude, obviously he could be a little more tactful is all.

Your shoulders look fine, I think you would transition well if that is what you wanted. :) do what you want..not what others because in the end YOU need to live and be happy with who you are.

The average straight guy isn't normally someone I want to deal with dating, and not just because I loathe my old straight guy public persona. I'm bi curious as stated many times before, but my issue is like any choosy woman, I'll probably be old and grey before finding Mr Right. I'm not willing to take that long, and I'm more than happy to date women, as I always have. In that vain, if open to dating women, it'd be silly to exclude women with a TS past, since that in itself, would be equivalent denying my own gender. As a bonus a woman with a history does indeed have the ability to empathize with transition issues.
That aside, that obviously doesn't mean there aren't men including a possible Mr Right, that couldn't empathize. Once again, I'd be denying my own past, or making the claim that I was born female, not something I would claim or certify. I would state that unlike some I was never homophobic, anti LGBT, feminine critical, etc. When I see those behaviors presented by a significant minority of males, it doesn't instill faith that I can carefully choose the right man to date someday.

Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on March 02, 2014, 11:51:53 AM
I'll probably be old and grey before finding Mr Right.

The same is for me, too. Nevertheless, it is exciting to express my femininity to friends, colleagues and people in the street, even in foreign countries.

barbie~~

Quote from: Skyler Lusk on March 02, 2014, 10:33:36 AM
Your shoulders look fine, I think you would transition well if that is what you wanted. :) do what you want..not what others because in the end YOU need to live and be happy with who you are.

I could not have said it better myself :)

If you want to downplay your shoulders, there is a quick fix.  It is borrowed from a makeup trick.  Remember, darker colors make things recede or otherwise appear smaller.   Take some tar and a big brush and slap some on your biceps and shoulders.  They will disappear into nowhere. 

Just kidding, trying to lighten your mood.  What you can do, and it works, is to move your shoulders forward, raise them up and then back, and keep them there.  It will feel as if you are squeezing your back muscles, and the truth is that you are.  But it works, and if you combine this with a little arching of your back (as GG's to, for an obvious reason) it will cause your booty to stick out.   I don't know how unhealthy this would be long-term in terms of your back, but it works.   And it's addictive, and just wait until you catch guys eye-balling you as they walk behind you. 

I'm balding, and very much in boy mode, but the other night I was out shopping with my son and wife, wearing normal clothes (my jeans fit nicely in a certain way, lol) and I caught a guy (he wasn't that bad looking) looking me up and down.  He smiled when I caught him.  It made my night. 

Better yet, you could just dump the whole can of tar on top your BF, and then drop-kick him into the middle of a chicken coop.  (again, j/k)   :D