Susan's Place Transgender Resources

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn1.geeknation.com%2Fgeek%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2Fvlcsnap-2013-11-24-10h04m31s234.png&hash=b3f0296d29246fa3297211bad92e340593f4b620)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fnow-here-this.timeout.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F11%2F4ztc7.gif&hash=838c55c6d44f33cb9d74723e17ed5f314853d480)


Edit (3/6/2014): This thread is slowly turning from a great thread (if I do say so myself) into something completely amazing that I could have never made by myself.  I changed the name to (thanks for the idea everyone):

Transgender Lifetime of Self Hate NO MORE


This is what this thread represents.  Self Hate No More.  In your own way....NO MORE!! 


So post your troubles here followed by NO MORE or whatever you want to do.  There are no rules here.


Edit: By request from the beautiful and wonderful Ms Grace, I am going to change the name of this month long dedication to:


Transgender Month of Self Hate NO MORE!

or

TMSHNM


These acronyms are getting ridiculous but great name Ms Grace!

Happy March everyone!




The old post:

So I am new to the transition game and I am learning a lot of new things, new things about internal pain.  I mean I thought I knew about dysphoria before but really I had no idea.  Having the mind and emotions of a female but still being "sired" all the darn time can be troubling.  Having boobs growing out of our chest but still being called a man is super troubling.  I know I'm not alone in this.


Therefore, I dedicate March as:


Transgender Month of No More

Or

TMNO





No more looking in the mirror and crying

No more feeling sorry for ourselves because of how things are on the outside of us.   

No more being disillusioned into thinking we are not beautiful!



I am a woman.  I am what is inside not what is outside and you are too!  I am beautiful, I am loving, and I am strong.

No more thinking otherwise!

Well , I ll try...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-RUGJXqL2cug%2FT9Ym9UIkbVI%2FAAAAAAAAAFQ%2F424jAu3DxXw%2Fs1600%2FYoda-Do-or-do-not-there-is-no-try1.jpg&hash=cf56b225acb76bf6c4b506e3afa809f9f70d1824)

Too late, I had a good cry (without tears, I couldn't produce any) because of my appearance, hair, and bleak outlook.

Quote from: Willow on March 01, 2014, 10:40:01 AM
Too late, I had a good cry (without tears, I couldn't produce any) because of my appearance, hair, and bleak outlook.

GAAHH!!! me too....like 20 minutes ago...... but NO MORE!!!  Get back on the horse!  I'm right next to you.  Lets go ride. The outlook is not bleak unless we make it bleak!

I cry for hours every day , it is not only looks for me , it is guilt , it is the lack of self understanding and acceptance , it is me still being imprisoned by my own thoughts .
And when i think that my looks are ok , i run into cis girls and i feel like a sick ogre .
I just hate myself .
I hope it will be 'the month of no more me ' , hopefully i will die and no one will remember the monster i was .

Quote from: Claudia_FF on March 01, 2014, 10:58:37 AM
I cry for hours every day , it is not only looks for me , it is guilt , it is the lack of self understanding and acceptance , it is me still being imprisoned by my own thoughts .
And when i think that my looks are ok , i run into cis girls and i feel like a sick ogre .
I just hate myself .
I hope it will be 'the month of no more me ' , hopefully i will die and no one will remember the monster i was .

No way!  This planet needs you!  If you leave, since I can only speak for myself, I would remember you.

You are not going to die.  You are going to take the veil from off your eyes and see your own beauty.  It's there.  Its always been there.  I know it's there because it's there for me too.  One day you are going to look back on these feelings and laugh.

Quote from: Lara the Lover and the Fighter on March 01, 2014, 10:41:46 AMGAAHH!!! me too....like 20 minutes ago...... but NO MORE!!!  Get back on the horse!  I'm right next to you.  Lets go ride. The outlook is not bleak unless we make it bleak!

I'll give it my best, that's all I can do, right?
Once I get past the needle stuff at my appointment on the 14th, the sailing should be a little smoother, working out better I guess.

Thanks for the pep talk, Lara. It's so easy to forget that "trans" can be beautiful when we're busy fighting our male bodies.

Though I'm not a fan of trying to control my thoughts and feelings. I know that works for a lot of people, but I'm better off letting myself feel what I need to feel and think what I need to think and then nurture myself back into acceptance the way I would a child who needs comforting.

I may have a problem with this....my parents dont accept me and have even gone so far as to take my girl items away from me

Another Doctor Who fan, yay!!!!

It's a nice sentiment, I've been there in spades. Cried myself to sleep more times than I care to remember during my first attempt at transition. But it wasn't because I was transgender it was because I couldn't accept myself, because I hated myself and my body, hated cis women for having what I didn't...and it got me nowhere except feeling more miserable and drowning in more self pity than my friends could cope with.

These days, it's a different story. I don't hate myself or my appearance or cis women. I have accepted that I am transgender and the fact that I need to move through hell and high water to get what I want and need. I'm taking no prisoners. Nothing is getting in the way of me feeling happy just because I was born with the wrong chromosomes or genitals, or because cis gendered society has decided I suffer from a "disorder" and put up road blocks to "normalcy" at every turn they can think of. Screw that!

To all you young trans* folk especially I say you have your whole life to live for, why spend it hating yourself? Yes it's tough, yes it's horrible, yes it's unfair - but you are not ogres, you are not frauds, you are not ugly...you are beautiful human beings and you can and will reach your goals. Not today maybe, not tomorrow, not next week or month or maybe not even next year. It's intolerable I know, but in the grand scheme of your hopefully long and fulfilled life it is but a blip. Yet a minute, an hour, day, week, month, year of hating yourself makes the journey seem so much longer, so much more miserable, the burden is often too much to bear. Accepting yourself, loving yourself doesn't have to mean letting go of those goals to become the gender you identify as...but it does mean dropping the burden of misery and hating your appearance, your body, your lot in life. It allows you to live your life with direction and purpose and love.

Can I suggest the month should be "self hate no more"...there is nothing inherently wrong with being transgender, just how we view it. :)

Ms Grace, thats quite awesomely inspirational. Im kinda getting there myself, and you just gave me something to look forward to... A healthy state of mind lol. So thank you for that!

My 'no more' moment was when I was lying in bed the other day, going through my head about all the things I currently didn't have and didn't think I ever could have, and I'll be honest, in that moment I was one step shy of suicide. But then I got an idea into my head. All my life I've been miserable. All my life I've always felt worthless or that I could never measure up to the goals that either I set for myself or others set for me. All my life I've had to live in the shadows and watch as the normal folk frolic in the light of day as if my problems don't even exist, and I thought to myself, "Ya know what? Everything in my life has completely sucked. I've been miserable since the day I was born, but am I really going to let it end there? Having lived a life knowing nothing but pain and suffering and never knowing what it must be like to be happy? Do I really want to die without ever having known happiness? Sure my life still sucks, sure my life still drives me to tears nearly everyday, but I'll be d***** if I'm going to die without ever once having what I wanted out of life."

So for all of you girls out there, and I know there are more than a few but it's okay, I was one too and still struggle with it sometimes, who think death is the only way you'll be able to stand it all. I want each and every one of you to say this to yourself. "F*** life, I want _____ and I am not leaving until I've gotten it!"............just my 2 cents XD

P.S. Apologies for swearing, but I don't believe I could've gotten my point across the way I felt it needed to be without it.

Vyx!  "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"  Damn right!

Really, ladies, let's stop wallowing in self pity.  Some of you are non-stop 24/7/365 Debbie Downers.  I don't even want to look at your posts, because they are always the same:  "Oh woe is me.  I'm so ugly.  I'm so poor.  I'll never be a hot babe."

Here is the best support you will ever get on this site:  Get over it!  You have a future, if you are brave enough to grab it with both hands.  I've seen amazing transformations - but none of them happened by sitting in their rooms and crying about it.

Get off your asses.  Take some chances.  Do what you have to do to survive until you can do what you need to do to become your authentic selves.

Support comes to those who are willing to help themselves.

But I am ugly, and old, and poor and definitely will never be a "hot babe."   

Pfffft!

You're so hot, you have been blamed for Global Warming.

Quote from: Jamie D on March 02, 2014, 06:05:34 AM
Pfffft!

You're so hot, you have been blamed for Global Warming.

you're obviously referring to the hot flashes I occasionally get...

Enjoy the enthusiastic nature of the post.

I can't promise you "no more" because I will slip up and make mistakes, but I promise you the month of I'll try and eventually succeed to be where I want.  Well, it will have to be longer than a month, lol.  Even though I'm not where I want to be, I'm starting to get more and more compliments and people telling me I pass which is making me feel both pretty and confident even though I really don't feel that way myself.  It's progress and that's what matters. 

Quote from: Jamie D on March 02, 2014, 03:26:42 AM
Vyx!  "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"  Damn right!

Really, ladies, let's stop wallowing in self pity.  Some of you are non-stop 24/7/365 Debbie Downers.  I don't even want to look at your posts, because they are always the same:  "Oh woe is me.  I'm so ugly.  I'm so poor.  I'll never be a hot babe."

Here is the best support you will ever get on this site:  Get over it!  You have a future, if you are brave enough to grab it with both hands.  I've seen amazing transformations - but none of them happened by sitting in their rooms and crying about it.

Get off your asses.  Take some chances.  Do what you have to do to survive until you can do what you need to do to become your authentic selves.

Support comes to those who are willing to help themselves.

Pain and angst can also be a very powerful inspirational tool that can aid a transition.  Focusing on pain and allowing it to heal in the appropriate manner is a necessary part of the transition process and self growth in my own experience.  It also helps us discover what we seek to make us happy and what we don't want.  Though I would agree that working to achieve it is also a necessary part of the equation.  If only the reverse were true, then I wouldn't need to do all these damn sit-ups and squats for the body I want, lol. 

oh yeah, that'd help with the dysphoria alright...

I hope all of us can have our NO MORE moment!  I'm FINALLY having mine.  I look in the mirror and instead of getting down I use my broad shoulders to shrug and move on.  I'm not a CIS female and I never will be and SO WHAT!?!?!  No more getting down about that.  No more guilt.  No more shame.  NO MORE SELF HATE!


and I hope you all join me.

Wow, this has really been genuinely helpful.  I feel great right now.  :laugh:

I wish this worked for me but it's not that easy lol

 I love your idea of no more   What amazes me is an entire group of people share almost the exact same feelings.   How does this happen? I read a lot of posts and I find it uncanny how so many go through the same problems  and yet there is only one cure once again how does this happen makes me wonder   Anyways I agree month of March    NO MORE   Thanks to all of u I think I can make it   

Well, I'll try joining you in my own way.  I think there is merit in looking out for the positives.  Everyone that is struggling to say "no more", try to think of 2 things about your appearance that makes you happy.  I know we all have things we hate, but let's focus on the positives things here.  For me, I love how my hair looks and feels.  Believe me, I spend an insane time on that hair, so I'm proud of it.  The other feature I'll remark on is that my facial skin is very smooth/soft and I've got no wrinkles. Thank god for my daily moisterizing, hormones, and my mother's skin lol. Come on, I'm sure we all can at least think of two things.  It might not be a "no more" moment, but maybe it will get some of us on the track to it.

Well, in my little world, this is the month that Jaime turns 51. Woot!  Getting old!!!   


*jumps off high rise bridge*

Quote from: kaylagirl0806 on March 02, 2014, 01:02:23 PM
I wish this worked for me but it's not that easy lol

Quote from: kaylagirl0806 on March 02, 2014, 01:02:23 PM
I wish this worked for me but it's not that easy lol

No worries Kayla!  Nothing worth it is easy. :)

Quote from: Samantha on March 02, 2014, 01:25:44 PM
I love your idea of no more   What amazes me is an entire group of people share almost the exact same feelings.   How does this happen? I read a lot of posts and I find it uncanny how so many go through the same problems  and yet there is only one cure once again how does this happen makes me wonder   Anyways I agree month of March    NO MORE   Thanks to all of u I think I can make it   

There are so many of us!  Its such a difficult problem too.  I mean with the inside being completely opposite from the outside (male inside;female outside or female inside;male outside).  Still, we are here.  Fighting together.

Quote from: learningtolive on March 02, 2014, 01:39:07 PM
Well, I'll try joining you in my own way.  I think there is merit in looking out for the positives.  Everyone that is struggling to say "no more", try to think of 2 things about your appearance that makes you happy.  I know we all have things we hate, but let's focus on the positives things here.  For me, I love how my hair looks and feels.  Believe me, I spend an insane time on that hair, so I'm proud of it.  The other feature I'll remark on is that my facial skin is very smooth/soft and I've got no wrinkles. Thank god for my daily moisterizing, hormones, and my mother's skin lol. Come on, I'm sure we all can at least think of two things.  It might not be a "no more" moment, but maybe it will get some of us on the track to it.

Thats a great idea!  I am also NUTS about my hair.  I feel like the female version of Uncle Jessie from Full House.  Aunt Jessie I guess. lol

Two things.  Will do!

Quote from: JaimeD on March 02, 2014, 02:34:54 PM
Well, in my little world, this is the month that Jaime turns 51. Woot!  Getting old!!!   


*jumps off high rise bridge*

*catches JamieD at the bottom*

Sigh now we have to climb back to the top. ^.^

Quote from: JaimeD on March 02, 2014, 02:34:54 PM
Well, in my little world, this is the month that Jaime turns 51. Woot!  Getting old!!!   


*jumps off high rise bridge*

I'll meet you at the Tallahatchie Bridge  ;)

Quote from: JaimeD on March 02, 2014, 02:34:54 PM
Well, in my little world, this is the month that Jaime turns 51. Woot!  Getting old!!!   


*jumps off high rise bridge*

I turn 48 this week. I have the next half of my life to look forward to and intend to live it to the fullest! Might try jumping out of a plane - with a parachute - when I hit 100!

I love the attetude of this thread, thank you to the OP! :)

My actual age right now is 49. I'll turn 50 this coming Halloween. I've been living full time for 5 years now though I've only been on hrt 2 months. One reason (not the main one mind you) I began living full time 5 years ago was despite my not seeing it, I could no longer pass for male. I still for some reason don't see myself as others see me so sometimes I dress down in sweats with no makeup and am sure I'll get clocked. I was doing this to assure myself I'm passing. I still have been trying this despite having no luck. So therefore I can only assume (hate that word assume), that I'm overly critical of myself and I'm not seeing myself as others see me -that or everyone where I live needs glasses, lol! :laugh: From reading other posts I'm not the only girl going through this. So I'm going to take a cue from the OP and from now on I say no more, I will no more worry about how I see myself, only how others see me. Besides, even just 2 months of hrt has made changes that even I am noticing for the better. ;)

Quote from: Jamie D on March 02, 2014, 03:26:42 AM
Vyx!  "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"  Damn right!

Really, ladies, let's stop wallowing in self pity.  Some of you are non-stop 24/7/365 Debbie Downers.  I don't even want to look at your posts, because they are always the same:  "Oh woe is me.  I'm so ugly.  I'm so poor.  I'll never be a hot babe."

Here is the best support you will ever get on this site:  Get over it!  You have a future, if you are brave enough to grab it with both hands.  I've seen amazing transformations - but none of them happened by sitting in their rooms and crying about it.

Get off your asses.  Take some chances.  Do what you have to do to survive until you can do what you need to do to become your authentic selves.

Support comes to those who are willing to help themselves.

LOL... Yeah, don't come to a 'support site' and discuss any of your issues... Riiiight, sure  :P

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 01, 2014, 05:08:05 PM
Can I suggest the month should be "self hate no more"...there is nothing inherently wrong with being transgender, just how we view it. :)

Just this month?  Pffft.  Every month!

Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 07:48:28 PM
Just this month?  Pffft.  Every month!

Agreed!

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 04, 2014, 08:42:32 PM
Agreed!

I promise to try my hardest from now on ;D

Quote from: kaylagirl0806 on March 04, 2014, 08:54:43 PM
I promise to try my hardest from now on ;D

Heck yeah!  Me too!  I'm trying my hardest as we speak!

Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 07:48:28 PM
Just this month?  Pffft.  Every month!

YES!!  I'm with that!  Should I change it to "Transgender Year" or "Transgender Lifetime"? :D

Quote from: Lara the Lover and the Fighter on March 05, 2014, 10:17:56 AM
YES!!  I'm with that!  Should I change it to "Transgender Year" or "Transgender Lifetime"? :D

Transgender lifetime all the way! ;)

Well...

I failed this...
Even though I said Id try...

I think im trying though...
Im sure that if I wasnt trying Id be dead already...

I think that crying and having all these sad feelings is the best thing I can do right now...

sorry , I didnt mean to crush the possitive energy that comes from this thread...
Id better speak with my therapist...

Quote from: FalsePrincess on March 05, 2014, 11:16:23 AM
Well...

I failed this...
Even though I said Id try...

I think im trying though...
Im sure that if I wasnt trying Id be dead already...

I think that crying and having all these sad feelings is the best thing I can do right now...

sorry , I didnt mean to crush the possitive energy that comes from this thread...
Id better speak with my therapist...

FP that's what we're here for, to help if we can. While I realize we may not be able to help with every issue and for those yes please contact your therapist. If you need someone to talk or "vent" to you can pm me if you like. ;)

Quote from: FalsePrincess on March 05, 2014, 11:16:23 AM
Well...

I failed this...
Even though I said Id try...

I think im trying though...
Im sure that if I wasnt trying Id be dead already...

I think that crying and having all these sad feelings is the best thing I can do right now...

sorry , I didnt mean to crush the possitive energy that comes from this thread...
Id better speak with my therapist...

No need for apologies, this thread is for negative energy as well as positive energy.  Keep trying! I know I am.  Even though it seems like every five friggin minutes I have to start over again.  No more...No more....No more...No more....No more.  Talk to us, talk to your therapist, keep trying, keep moving.  We are all worth the effort. 

I am and I know you are.

Thank you guys :)

I talked with my therapist and Im feeling a lot better
so I ll give it another go :)

Quote from: FalsePrincess on March 06, 2014, 08:32:17 AM
Thank you guys :)

I talked with my therapist and Im feeling a lot better
so I ll give it another go :)

YAAAAYYYY!!  Now lets ride together!  Like the end of the Princess Bride!  With the horses and stuff.  You just have to JUMP!!! (wait I hope you have seen the Princess Bride)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.pandawhale.com%2Fpost-28097-hello-lady-gif-Princess-Bride-iykc.gif&hash=c37e5d90b65cbb3dbd66f92fdadb733d20811ebd)